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The pillows below you are soft, cushioning your back against the headboard. The phone in your hand is providing the only light in the room. You scroll aimlessly, the text messages slowly floating through your screen.
**
'Heya weirdo :-)'
'Sup nerd? Did you find the book?'
'Yea. The library was packed, but I got it.'
'Who would have thought you would have to drive so far for science fiction? :-P'
**
The words brought a small smile to your face for a moment before it was again drowned out by your memories. You could remember the fight you got into just before he left. It was a stupid fight, and you knew better than to get after him for something like this. He wanted to save the world, to help keep those around him from getting hurt, but he had no qualms being the one thrown under the bus to do it.
**
"Please Sam! You and I both know Lucifer is going to see right through this. And even if your plan worked, you would be stuck in the cage with him for eternity!" You pleaded with him, praying he would hear you. You wanted desperately for him to heed your warning.
"Y/n, I know what I'm getting into! I've sat down and made peace with what is going to happen, why can't you?" He growled back in frustration. This fight had been going on far longer than he wanted.
"Because I don't want you to die!" You cried out, the tears stinging your eyes.
"I don't want to die either, but at least I know my death will mean something. If you don't want to help, that's fine, but I won't let you stop this." He sighed as he grabbed his bag and threw it over his shoulder.
"We should get going. Are you ready Y/n?" Dean popped his head in through the door, the familiar purr of the Impala echoing from behind him.
"Y/n's not coming." Sam grumbled as he made his way to the door, a tear finally falling.
Sam stopped after putting a foot through the doorway and glanced back at you. You could see a bit of wetness behind his eyes. "Goodbye Y/n." With that, the door closes. You hear the creeks of the doors and the Impala driving off, leaving you alone in the hotel room.
**
A knock on the door brings you back to reality. "Y/n? You up?" Bobby's voice resonates from behind the door.
"Yeah." You call back as you throw the covers on your knees off and slip out of the bed.
You open the door slowly and peek out, knowing you probably didn't look the best. "Hey. I made some grub, if your hungry that is." He awkwardly gestured towards the kitchen, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.
"Thanks Bobby, but I'm not hungry." You smile sympathetically, ready to shut the door.
Bobby frowns and pushes the door open more. "Alright Y/n, I'm getting sick of this. I know Sam's death has been hard, hell I've struggled a lot with it too, but it's been three weeks. You need to eat something, and probably take a shower too." He grabbed your shoulder and pulled you out into the hall. His touch wasn't aggressive, but suggestive of his caring intentions.
You silently let him lead you down the stairs to the kitchen and set you down at the table. He sets a plate in front of you before grabbing his own and sitting across from you. You nod in thanks and begin to eat, Bobby silently watching you as you eat. The tension is thick between you two, making you lose more of the appetite you didn't have to begin with.
"It has been hard." You whisper as you set down your utensils and look up at him.
"Y/n..." Bobby begins to speak, but stops himself when he realizes you have more.
"I remember everything Bobby, every little thing. I loved that man more than everything. They say time is the only healer and God, I hope that isn't right, 'Cause right now I'd die to not remember." You could feel tears returning to your eyes, so you forced yourself to stand in hopes of working out some of these pent up emotions. "I don't know if there's such thing as ghosts when you die in the pit, but I feel like these memories are haunting me. The last thing I ever said to him was how I didn't want him to die. We we're fighting and I didn't want him to go, because I knew what would happen, I knew he would die."
You remembered back to the numerous voicemails you got that night. All 6 of them were from Sam, trying to get a hold of you and apologize. He didn't want his last words to you to be from the fight.
**
"Hey Y/n, it's Sam. Listen, I wanted to apologise for earlier. I said some stuff that I shouldn't have, but you don't understand how important it is that I do this... [Silence] Call me back when you can. I'll be... Doing it soon."
"Hey Y/n, it's Sam again. I know you're upset, and I totally understand, but I really don't want our conversation earlier to be the last conversation we have- [Dean talking in background] I gotta go. Please call me back."
"Y/n, it's Sam again. I can't stop thinking about what happened earlier. All I can think of is what you were saying about not wanting me to die. Honestly, I don't want to either, but it's the job and it comes with the territory. I'm the only one who can do this. I'm sorry."
"Y/n, it's Sam. Please answer the phone. I need to hear your voice one last time. I only have a few hours left before... Before I'm gone, so please call me back."
"Y/n, hey. I've realized you're not going to call me back, and I guess I deserve it. I just wanted you to know that I'm not mad at you. You had every right to be upset with me. I just don't want you to feel like any of this is your fault. I'm doing this to save the world. I may not end up in any history books, but it will be one hell of a story, huh?"
"Hey. So this is the last message I'm gonna leave you. I just wanted to say goodbye. Maybe one day I'll break out of the cage and we can meet again in another life. Thank you for everything, Y/n... [Silence] And one last thing before I go. I love you, please remember that."
**
"His confession came in a voicemail right before he took on Lucifer to save us. He condemned himself to centuries of being tortured in hell locked in a box with two pissed off angels being torn to shred for the sake of humanity! I can never take back what I said, can never repent for not talking to him, can never tell him that I feel the same way!" By this point tears we're streaming freely down your face, Bobby watching with his lips pressed together in a fine line.
You let out a loud scream in grief and frustration, Bobby catching you before you could crumble to the ground. He held you tight to him like a father a child as you cried. You didn't hold anything back, not seeing any reason to.
Every little thing
I remember every little thing
The high, the hurt, the shine, the sting
Every little thing
I remember every little thing
I'm haunted by the memories of
Every little thing
The high, the hurt, the shine, the sting
Every little thing