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Love is not a easy thing, especially when you have never experimented before. But when you feel it for the first time, you realize how painful it could be, especially when the one you love will never love you back, because his heart already belongs to someone else. But it dosen't mean that you would never be loved.
It was a day like many other in a certain citadel’s. Daily chores, chatter and laughter coming from where the tantos were playing, the loudest always being Imanotsurugi accompanied by Iwatoshi who have join the game as well. Yamanbagiri was sitting on the engawa looking at the scenery in front of him, but not really paying attention of what the game the tantos and the Naginata were playing. His thought was lost somewhere else.
That's when his brother bring him back to earth with his energetic laugh.
"KA KA KA, are you going to join them brother? Or you're going to sit here all day,” Yamanbushi say with a big slap on his shoulder.
“I don't intend to play.” Yamanbagiri add rubbing his shoulder where his brother just hit him.
"Something on your mind? You've been spacing out a lot today.” The oldest of the two says, looking at the younger one with concern.
True, he was lost in his thought today. Enough for him to not notice Shokudaikiri talking to him a some moments when he was on cooking duty this morning. He also cut his finger while cutting the vegetables and he almost walked into the door of his room because he was thinking to much about….
“They're be back soon.” Yamabushi interrupt his thought again putting a hand on his shoulder. “ The first unite his strong, our brother is strong. They're going to be alright.”
“But Master send him there again.” Yamanbagiri say looking to the ground.” You know how he is after he go to that place and he have to go with them again.”
4 days ago Horikawa had been send on a sortie to Hakodate with the first unit, but every time the wakizashi is send at this particular time period, even if he came back with no injuries his two brother's didn't missed his change of behavior during the following days.
Horikawa will continue to smile and help others like he always do, but Yamanbagiri can see when his shorter brother smile is a real or a force one. He will talk less and will only answer to others question with small sentences. Having to see the death of his former master again and again was surely the reason behind his behavior during the following days but he was back to his normal self not long after.
But the last time he came back from Hakodate, Yamanbagiri was with him on laundry duty and found the wakizashi so lost in his thought that he was unresponsive and his eye were unfocused. Yamanbagiri didn't know what was happening to is brother, but his behavior was worse than usual and he has to shake him out of the cloud to get him back on earth. This was when Horikawa notice his brother and quickly apologized, but the second he ask him if he was ok Horikawa lowered his head unable to say anything. His body start shaking and the uchigatana notice that he was crying and all of the sudden the shorter boy had let his head fell on the tallest boy shoulder and had start crying louder.
Yamanbagiri didn't really know what to do so he just wrapped his arms around his brother shoulder, rubbing his back in a small attempt to comfort him and he did until Horikawa finally calm down. Only later that day Yamanbagiri found out why his brother was so miserable. It has been a while since he had notice the true feelings Horikawa had for his longtime partner. He knew that he was in love with Izuminokami Kanesada, but even if it was oblivious that the uchigatana cherished him a lot too, it wasn't in the same way.
During the last sortie to Hakodate, Horikawa found out about Izuminokami and Nagasone relationship. He had accidentally heard the two of them talking about how to tell him that they were a couple because both of them have noticed Horikawa feeling toward Izuminokami, but no one of them want to hurt him. After all, this boy was still they're longtime comrades and a member of their family.
When they both notice Horikawa and realize that he had heard everything, they had feel terribly bad because they didn't wanted him to learn it this way. They have a talk with the wakizashi, first to apologize to him and to be honest with him about they're relationship. Horikawa had also admitted to Izuminokami that yes he had feelings for him and all his partner was able to respond was that he was sorry, that he was indeed important to him, but can't return his feelings because his heart already belongs to someone else.
After that Horikawa had act like he was happy for the two of them. Telling to himself that if Kane-san was happy he will be too, but was just trying to hide how heartbroken he was and not to long after that Izuminokami and Nagasone move in the same room. Leaving Horikawa alone with is dark though.
Yamanbagiri didn't like to see his brother like this even if he was good at hiding his pain and act like if everything was alright, he can see how hurt Horikawa was. He was still Izuminokami partner nothing will change that and the uchigatana along with the others shinsengumi swords show how concerned they were about him and it help Horikawa a little, but only time can heal a broken heart. Since then both brothers started to spend more time with Horikawa, but the wakizashi was always saying he was alright. It was clear for the two of them that's wasn't true. His smile were not natural at all, he had dark circles under his eyes and the same eyes were red and puffy. He was probably crying himself to sleep every night. One night Yamanbagiri wasn't surprise to hear small sobs from his shorter brother room and he decided to go in, checking on him even if he didn't know what he could do but he was tired of doing nothing and see Horikawa getting more miserable every day. He goes over his brother futon to found that he was crying in his sleep. Instinctively he reached for one of his hand, holding it while with his other he wiped his brother tears. Whispering “ I'm here, your not alone. “ Soon after Horikawa was peacefully asleep and Yamanbagiri go back to his room. Since then he had go check on him every night and every time he found his brother in tears he will stay by his side until he calm down. But one night Horikawa wake up while Yamanbagiri was still by his side. Confused he sit up and ask what was going on, but he quickly understand that his brother was here because he was crying in his sleep. Because he wasn't able to move forward about his feelings for Izuminokami. Then tears start rolling out Horikawa eyes again and he start apologizing again and again, but he stop when Yamanbagiri suddenly pull him in a hug. Instinctively Horikswa has put his arm around his brother back seeking for comfort. The uchigatana put a hand behind the wakizashi head resting the boy head more firmly against his chest while his other hand was rubbing circle on his back. They had stay like this for a moment until the shorter sword pull apart saying he will be alright now. But all the uchigatana did was to help him lay down, pulling the cover up, lay beside him and bring him back in is arms. Yamanbagiri didn't know how it happened. All he had wanted was to give Horikawa the comfort he need, but…. why did his heart arched so much when he see his brother cry, like it was tearing him apart. Horikawa was to tired to question the uchigatana action and just leaned more on him before falling asleep and when he wake up the next morning Yamanbagiri was still here, asleep and still holding him.
During the following days the two brother became closer and closer. Horikawa was looking a little bit more better everyday. Especially when he was with Yamanbagiri he was acting more like his true self. It was like his brother presence beside him was enough to heal a part of his heart, but the pain was still here the uchigatana knew that. Yamanbagiri was now sleeping in Horikawa room every night. The wakizashi never ask him to, he's too selfless to ask and doesn't want to be a burden for his brother, but if the other was offering he always accepting it. Yamanbagiri always waiting for Horikawa to fall asleep before I hallow himself to do the same. One night he was looking his brother face, peacefully asleep, no sobs, no tears, he's feature completely relaxed with no trace of any nightmares at all. Yamanbagiri was gently caressing Horikawa hair with his fingers, then he go a little bit more down tracing the black short hair boy cheek with his hand and leaned down to kiss his brother forehead and rest his chin on the top of the boy head. More the day passed more Yamanbagiri was thinking about his relationship with his brothers, of course his two brothers were precious to him, but things have started to be different with Horikawa. Before everything happened, it was brotherly, family affection like the one he have for Yamabushi, but it didn't feel like that anymore. Something has changed during the pass weeks. It seems to have become something more powerful and it was getting bigger every day. Something who made his heart racing in his chest especially when the wakizashi was close to him. He wasn't antisocial like Ookurikara, but he like to have his alone time and there were always someone to come and disturbed his comfort space, but he didn't mind if it was Horikawa, actually he enjoyed the wakizashi company a lot. He didn't like getting compliments but again didn't mind if it came from the shorter sword. He felt his face heat up everytime Horikawa smile at him, making him hide his blushing face under his hood His heart will started beating so hard in his chest that he was afraid that his brother could hear it. At first he only want to help him, comfort him, but now he want to keep him close to him, hold his hand, hug him and he want to…. kiss him.
His eyes have snapped open when he has finally figured out what those feelings was. Why… why did he fell in love with Horikawa, his brother for the God damn sake. He can't afford to tell him, not after what he already been through, he can do that to him. Now he understands a little bit more Horikawa pain. It hurts to know that the one you love didn't love you back. For the wakizashi he was just his brother nothing more, but if that what Horikawa need so be it.
Yamanbagiri was bring to earth again by another big slap on his back.
“You're spacing out again brother.”
“Can you stop hitting me.” He will need some repair if he take another encouraging hit from the bigger sword.
“KA KA KA, sorry sorry.” The blue hair man said. “ You worry to much about what happened last time. Horikawa seemed to feel better now. Master wouldn't have send him on mission if he wasn't in good condition. “ He add gently putting a hand on his shoulder.
“Maybe---” Yamanbagiri said “ ---but something feel wrong, I have a bad….” His word are cut by the sound of the travel device. The first unit was back.
“They're back.” Yamabushi say with a grin but his smile fade right away went they heard Mutsunokami panicked voice.
The two brothers stand up and start running to where the unit just came back.
“I'll go get master, Mutsunokami take him to the repair room.” They heard Kashuu saying and saw him pass running and no long after Mutsunokami with…..
.. A unconscious and bloody Horikawa in his arms.
Yamanbagiri froze, his heart stop for a second, blood. He barely see the wakizashi, but he saw that he was cover in blood. What the hell happened.
“Yamanbagiri, Yamabushi” Yagen was running toward them. There was a cut on is forehead and blood was running down his face.
“Yagen, what happen? Are you….” The tachi started, but was cut off by the tantou
“ No time to explain” He quickly said “I already give him first aid, but we have to be quick or he won't make it. I will need help until the general arrive.”
“ What do we have to do?" Yamanbagiri have regain some control."
“Follow me.” And they run, following Yagen to the repair room where Mutsunokami have already lay the wakizashi on the table.
“ Mutsunokami go help Nagasone and Izuminokami, we take care of him.” Yagen start getting medical stuff while Yamanbagiri and Yamabushi go to Horikawa side.
“Right “ And the uchigatana was gone.
Yamanbagiri heart stop for a second time. Horikawa was covered by blood, his own blood. There's cut on his arms and legs, one on his face, a big slash on his left side and a hole on his chest way to close of his heart. He was barely breathing.
“We have to stop the bleeding, take off his jacket” Yagen approach with towels and bandages. He had quickly wash his own wound on his forehead.
Yamabushi didn't lose any second and tear the jacket and shirt open before Yagen put one of the towel over the hole on Horikawa chest and take one of Yamanbagiri hand placing it on the towel.
”Keep pressure on it." The tantou could feel how the uchigatana was shaking and he was unresponsive.
” YAMANBAGIRI!”
He snap out when he hear his name and did as Yagen says while Yamabushi finish to take off his brother shirt.
That's when the Saniwa entered the repair room with Konosuke , help token in her hand.
“Leave him to me.” She go over the other table where Horikawa true body was. “ Yagen, Nagasone and Izuminokami are badly injured too. Go and treat theirs wounds until I can take care of them, but come back here when you're done. We're probably going to need your help.
“Yes general.” He give one last look at the unconscious wakizashi and leave the room.
“ I'm sorry but you two have to leave too.” She says to the brothers “I'll do everything in my power to save him, now go."
Yamanbagiri was to shock to move so Yamabushi take his arm and bring him out of the room. He just silently follow his older brother. He take one last look at Horikawa and the door close behind them.
This could not happening. he thought. He feel so weak his legs barely holding him up, he was shaking like a leaf and tears started to blur his vision. Yamabushi pull him into a hug before his legs give up and they both fell on they're knees holding each other. He can feel how the blue hair man was shaking too and he hold him tighter. They're stayed like this during five, ten, fifteen minutes he doesn't know but they eventually pull apart and get up.
“We should go wash our hand” The tachi said and that's when he notice the blood on his hands, Horikawa blood.
He simply nod and they both headed to the washroom. Once they're done they decide to go back to the repair room. On there way they saw Kashuu and Yasusada running toward them. Worry and concern write all over theirs face. Yamanbagiri noticed a band aid on Yasusada left cheek.
“How is he” They said simultaneously.
Yamanbagiri didn't say anything leaving the talking to is older brother. He can’t talk right now. Not when the only image he have in is head is his Horikawa laying on a table cover in his own blood, just at the thought he want to cry again.
“Master's taking care of him right now, that's all we know.” Yamabushi told to them. All the tachi enthusiasm was gone replaced by worry sadness and fear. “How are Izuminokami and Nagasone?” he take a look at Yasusada, “Are you alright Yamatonokami?”
“Pretty bad, but theirs life are not in danger.” Yasusada answered.“ and yes, I'm alright. Just a few scratches.”
“Good” the tachi simply add. “Yamatonokami, you were with them. How did this happen?”
Yasusada gaze lower to the ground. “I don't know...”
Yamanbagiri see him clench his hands so hard his knuckles turn white and he notice a bandage on Yasusada right wrist too.
“I don't know, the enemy's were everywhere, we were surrounded. All of us got hurt, that's only when I heared Izuminokami screams Horikawa name that I turn around and… “ He stop, there's tears forming in the corner of his eyes.
Kashuu reach for Yasusada hand interlacing their fingers and look at the brothers, ” You should talk with Izuminokami and Nagasone, they're resting, but they are awake. Mutsunokami and Yagen are probably with them right now.” And with that say he pass them bringing Yasusada with him in direction of their room, the poor uchigatana need a rest too.
“Shall we go see them right now.” Yamabushi ask but receive no answer from Yamanbagiri. The gold hair sword didn't even hear him. Tear was still forming in his eyes, he's scare, so scare, what if it already to late, what if he…..
Yamanbagiri bring his right hand to his chest right over his heart, it hurt, it hurt so much to think of living without Horikawa around him. It feel like a part of himself was dying with him.
“Brother.” One more time Yamabushi pull him in a gentle hug letting him rest his head on his chest. The tachi have notice how close his two brothers have become during the past weeks, no wonder why the uchigatana was so affected by the situation. Some tears started running down his cheeks as well.
After a moment he say
” Let's wait until we have news from master, we see what to do after that. He feel Yamanbagiri nod is head and they go to their room.
It's already been a long time since the night has fall on the citadel and Yamanbagiri was exhausted but there's no way he could sleep. They just sit on their futon and wait, and wait for any new about the wakizashi condition. Hours were passing and they were still waiting. Exhaustion finally win over them and they fall asleep, it has been a long day.
Yamanbagiri wake up in the morning, it was probably around 7 or 8 in the morning. Yamabushi wasn't in the room. He probably go meditating somewhere else in the citadel. How much time have pass now since they leave the repair room. Sure Horikawa wound are bad but it shouldn't take that long for a wakizashi. He stand up and made his way to the repair room. When he arrive the place was empty, that means the biggest part of the repairs are done and they probably bring Horikawa to his room. He made his way and meet the saniwa who was passing the door. She notice Yamanbagiri, he can see the dark circles under her eyes, she probably work all night.
“ He's stable for now, I did everything I could do but the rest is up to him. She says. “ I'm sorry Yamanbagiri “ There were a bit of sadness in her voice now. “ I’m afraid that if he don't wake up today he didn't have a lot of chance. ”he could see that she was try hard to hold her tears. “You can go see him if you want. I have to check on the others swords, I'll be back to check on him when I’m done with the others” She give a light squeeze on his shoulder before she go.
“Thank you” He say to her and enter the room. He close the door behind him and go to Horikawa side. He take a look at his brother. All the blood as been wash and there were bandages on every part of his body now. Yamanbagiri reached for one of the wakizashi hand, gently taking it in his own, like Horikawa was the most fragile thing in the world and his other hand brushed his bang out of his face before he go caress his cheek. He feel tears start to form again in his eyes while looking at his brother face. Seeing him like that made his heart arched so much, it was unbearable.
“ Please…” Tears were now rolling down his cheeks. “
"Please, wake up. You have become so dear to me and this life will be to hard to live if you not here be my side.” He cup Horikawa face with both hand and lean his head over him making there forehead touch. The words was on the tip of his tongue, he want to say them for a long time now but was to scare to say them. But right now is maybe the only chance he have left. He take a good breath and let his heart talk.
“ I love you…” he kiss Horikawa forehead.
” I love you so much.” More tears was running out of his eyes and fell on the shorter boy face. He want to see Horikawa smile so bad, hear his laughs, see his bright blue eyes, but those remains close. “Please, I can’t live without you.” He lean his head down again but stop before he could kiss him on the lips. He can't do it, not without the wakizashi consentement so he just kiss his forehead again and….
“Yamanbagiri.”
He straightened and looked at the door where his older brother was standing and he froze, did he see everything.
"Brother..I…I…” he can't find his word, he never told anyone how he truly feel about his shorter brother. “let… let me explain….I.”
“I know.” The tachi cut him and Yamanbagiri eye open wide.
“You knew.” He repeated, confusion write on his face. “ you knew what.”
Yamabushi stepped forward and went to sit beside his brothers before he answered “ That you had fall in love with Horikawa.”
The uchigatana feel his face turn red. How? How did know about his feelings.
“I know you brother.” Like he just read his mind and he put a hand on Yamanbagiri shoulder. “I know both of you. The way you act toward each other, it as become more than brother love, am I right.”
Yamanbagiri look down to embarrass to meet his taller brother eyes .” You're……okay…..with that.”
Then the hand on his shoulder go to pat the top of his head. “ Of course little brother, you're doing nothing wrong.” He smile “ I'm happy for you brother.”
“Why" he’s gaze was fixed on the floor,” He love Izuminokami, there's no way he can love me back.” He raise his hand to wipe his tears, he was tired of crying.
“You are the only one who can bring his smile back, he was back to the Horikawa we all know because you were here for him.” The tachi say and let go of his head. “ Why don't you tell him how you feel when he wake up?”
“If he wake up.” he say, looking at Horikawa peaceful face.
“He will,” Yamabushi say, “ he's strong, just believe in him.”
They stay silence for a moment until they hear a knock on the door. “Come in” the tachi say and the door open revealing to be Kashuu and Yasusada.
“ Sorry to bother, Konosuke inform us that we can go see Horikawa.” The brunette says before Yasusada ask. “ How is he,”
“Master told me he's stable…,” he take a breath “ but the rest it up to him and…” his voice start to break but he try to control it, “ if he does not wake up today….. he probably won't make it.”
Both Okita swords tense at his words. The shinsengumi swords always have a special link. It was clear that they all care a lot about each other and when one of them his badly injured it affects the rest of them.
“Is there something to do who could help.” Yasusada was kneeling beside them his hands on the tatami “ There's probably something master could do.”
“She already did everything she could do ,” Yamanbagiri answer looking at Yasusada, “ I don't like it either but there's nothing else to do…” Then he look back at Horikawa “ We have to believe in him.”
The four of them stay silent for a minute and Kashuu break the silence “ We should go Yasusada, we suppose to bring new to Izuminokami and Nagasone about Horikawa condition.”
“How those two going?” Yamabushi ask.
“They’re fine now, they just need rest…” The red eyes sword says “ but they can hold in place because they're worried about him.” He raise one hand over his eyes, “Damn they'll going to be just more worried than what they already are right now. How are we supposed to tell them.”
“We can tell them for you if you want.” Yamanbagiri says and it surprises the three others swords in the room. The golden hair sword look at his brother. “ We have to talk to them anyway.” And he look at the Okita pair. ” You two can stay with him until we came back.”
“Al… euh...alright…” Kashuu said. “ You'll find them in their room.”
The brothers stand up and make their way to the two uchigatana room. Yamanbagiri need to know what exactly happened during this sortie, need to know why Horikawa came back on the verge of breaking. When they arrive in the front of the door Yamabushi knock and he open the door. The two swords inside the room look at the door to see who was visiting them.
“Yamabushi… Yamanbagiri,” Izuminokami said. He looks like he was nervous.
“Hey.” Nagasone didn't sound much better.
There was a awkward silence in the room now. The two shinsengumi swords was avoiding eye contact with the Kunihiro’s brothers.
“How are you feeling?” Yamabushi finally break the silence.“We heard that you two had also be badly damaged.”
“Badly yes, but it was nothing life threatening, “ Nagasone said. He was now looking at the brothers while Izuminokami gaze was still fix to his laps.
“Kunihiro…” Izuminokami whispered loud enough for them to hear him. “ How is he?” He didn't raise his head up and he was shaking. “ Is he okay.”
There were so much concern in his voice. Yamanbagiri realized how much Horikawa was still precious to his partner. Those two have feel so guilty during the previous weeks because they knew they were the reason of Horikawa sadness. Yamanbagiri step forward and sit in from of them. He take a deep breath and explain the situation.
The long hair sword raise a hand to his eyes, he was trying so hard to not cry and the golden eye sword put a hand on the other back, trying to comfort him.
“What happened exactly during this mission?” Yamabushi was the one to ask.
Izuminokami take a deep breath before he start speaking. “ It was a trap. The enemy was planning to interfere in the battle to ensure Hijikata victory and change the flow of history. There were to many and we were outnumbered so we plan to ambushed them to get rid of them. Yagen and Kunihiro were the one to lure them where we were going to execute the plan, but we end up being the one who get ambushed. All of the sudden there's where 2 tantou who came out of nowhere and attack Yagen and Kunihiro. Before we could understand what just happened arrows were flying everywhere, we barely dogged them. “ He raise his right hand to his left shoulder” I got one through my shoulder and Nagasone has been hit on his leg. I could see that Kunihiro had a wound on his left side probably because of the tantou, Yamatonokami was barely visible through all the enemy and I lose sign of Mutsunokami and Yagen. It was insane in one second we were surrounded by enemies, they were so many I never see this before. We were wounded and exhausted and I was on my knees when a tantou try to take me down and he would have succeeded if…” He suddenly stop, his hand was now covering his eyes.
“ If Horikawa didn't have shield you and take the hit at your place” Yamanbagiri finish the sentence a bit annoyed. He know it wasn't Izuminokami fault, but he was angry. Angry because Horikawa will always put his partner life over his own, even now after what happened “ This is how he has been wounded on his chest.”
“No that's not what happened Yamanbagiri “ Nagasone says and before they could ask more question he say “ The one he shielded was me.” All eyes turn to the black gold hair sword asking for a explanation.
“ I saw that tantou about to kill you.” He reach for Izuminokami hand and take it in his own.” Horikawa saw it too and we both run to reach you, but with ours injuries we weren't going to make it in time. That's when I saw him throw his real body in your direction. His blade hit his target just in time to save your life, but I got careless the moment I saw you in danger and I didn't notice the enemy behind me and… “ He pause for a second and lowered his head.” Everything have goes so fast. One second Horikawa was in front of me and the time I turn around to see the enemy uchigatana thrust his blade in my direction, he was already between me and the enemy and I saw the blade pierced his chest.” He stop again, his free hand was now holding his head.
Then Yamabushi spoke “ Why will he go that far to protect others, and completely defenseless?”
“Because of me,” The black hair uchigatana says. His hand still covering his eyes, tears start running down his cheeks. “ Even now he will do everything to keep me save and protect what I care the most. Even if it cost him his own life.” His voice was shaking and there was so much guilt in it.” Just because I don't love him back doesn't mean I don't care about him. I know I hurt him a lot when I didn't return his feelings, I never wanted to hurt him and now he's dying because I wasn't strong enough. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm …..”
No more words came out of his mouth, he was clear that the two shinsengumi swords feel terribly guilty for the wakizashi who had risked his life to protect them.
The anger Yamanbagiri had felt some minutes ago was now gone. He know that what happened was nobody's fault. His shorter brother had only try to protect his partner life and his happiness by saving Nagasone . It only remind him that Horikawa will never stop loving Izuminokami and this thought make his heart arched.
“It's not your fault, any of you. “ Yamabushi say “ We are swords and protect history is our mission. If our enemy is getting stronger then let's get stronger too, so this will never happen again.”
This seems to cheer them up a little “ You're right “ Nagasone was now smiling a little “ Thanks to Horikawa we still here to have the chance to get stronger. The next time he will not have to protect us.” He's looking at his lover “ He will be okay, believe in him.”
Izuminokami wiped his tears “ Yes… you're right.”
“KA KA KA, that the spirit, right little brother.” Yamabushi enthusiasm was back in full force.
“Yes.” he simply said , he never thought that he will one day miss his older brother unique laughs.
“You two should go back to you brother side now.” Nagasone say “He need you now."
“Alright, shall we go then." He say looking at his brother and Yamanbagiri nod is head .
Yamabushi leave the room and Yamanbagiri follow him.
“ Yamanbagiri.“ Izuminokami call him and he look back in the room.“ I have one last thing I want to tell you. “
He look at his brother “ I'll catch you in a minute “And he go back into the room.
“ What is it ?“ Yamanbagiri ask.
“ Thank you. “ The sky blue eye sword answer “ Thank you for taking care of Kunihiro. “
Yamanbagiri blushed at those word and lowered his hood over his face, “ I didn't do anything special.”
“ He was acting like himself only when he was with you. You help him more than what you think and I think you’re the only one who can heal his heart.” Nagasone says.
“What do you mean by that ?” How he suppose to save Horikawa if he's willing to sacrifice his life to protect someone he could never stop loving.
“ Because he love you too,” The golden eye sword answer. “After he got injured I've held him in my arms and he was calling your name before he passes out. It's clear you have a big place in his heart.”
Yamanbagiri can't believe what he just hear. It that really possible that he's feeling could be returned.
“ Wait…. “ his face was completely red now “ How did you … you know I … I…. “ Damn it was embarrassing.
The other two just laughed “ You don't have to be embarrassed, actually I’m glad he found someone who love him.” The long hair sword say “ Please, take good care of him.”
“I will.“ He answered right away. Yes he will and he leave the room.
He go back to Horikawa room. He hope the wakizashi will be awake when he will open the door, but unfortunately he was still unconscious when he arrive in the room. Yamabushi was at his side and the two okita swords wasn't there anymore.
“Yamatonokami and Kashuu just left, I already told them about our conversation with Izuminokami and Nagasone.” Yamabushi tell him when he enter in the room.
“Hmm,… “ he simply said and go sit down beside the unconscious sword“ anything new about him".
“Master was checking on him when I arrived, but no nothing new.” The tachi says sadly.” We can only hope that he wake up soon."
Yamanbagiri was tired of waiting, it was frustrating to not be able to do anything to help, so they stay there and wait. Hours passed and the wakizashi eyes were still close. Yamabushi had fell asleep in a sitting position, they didn't sleep that much during the last night and the day light was almost gone now. Yamanbagiri held Horikawa hand the whole time and he was caressing his hair like he did so many times before to comfort the shorter sword when he was crying, but it was more to comfort himself this time. He don't know how long he does it and when he had fallen asleep too ,but when he wake up it was still night time, he was still holding his brother hand and he feel something on his head. His hood had been take off and someone was playing with his hair. At first he thought it was Yamabushi but he saw him still sleeping only the position has changed he was now laying on his side. The uchigatana eyes flick opens, raising himself on his elbows, turning his head, he meets the blue eyes he had want to see so bad and they were looking at him.
“Yamanbagiri.” he say with his sleepy voice, it must not have been a long time since he wake up. “I'm back.”
He feel tears in the corner of his eyes. He was awake, Horikawa was awake, he's going to be okay. And that went he realized that he fell asleep on Horikawa chest.
“Ahh….” He raise himself on his knees. “ Sorry… did I...did I hurt you, I …”
“I'm okay ” He cut him. ”You didn't hurt me.”He raise his free hand to Yamanbagiri face, (His right hand was still held by the uchigatana.) and he wipe his tears.
“Yamanbagiri…. you're crying.”
The tears was running down his cheeks now. “Of course I'm crying, “ he bury his head on Horikawa neck,” I was so worry about you, I thought you wouldn't make it.”
“I'm sorry…” he hug the other head , “ I’m here, please don't cry"
“Please, don't scare me like that ever again.”
“ I'm sorry…” The shorter boy voice start to break. “ I'm so sorry.”
Yamanbagiri stand up on his elbows again to look at Horikawa face. He was crying too and this time it was him who wipes his tears.
“You must be thirsty, do you want some water."
“ Yes.“ he try to sit ,but it was hard for him because of the pain “Can you help me sit up, please.”
He helped to put him in a sitting position but didn't let go of him. The wakizashi was laying on him for support, he give him a glass of water and Horikawa drink it. He put the empty glass aside and rest is head on Yamanbagiri chest and the golden hair sword gently put his arms around him, his cheek resting on the top of Horikawa head.
“Yamanbagiri… the rest of the team.” His voice was shaking a bit.“ Everyone's okay.”
“Yes… everyone made it back” He didn't want to extend the topic but he knew he's going to ask anyway. Yagen, Mutsunokami and Yamatonokami only have minor injuries. Izuminokami and Nagasone was in bad shape but thanks to you their life wasn't in danger.”
He feel him relaxed in his arms,” everyone is okay, I'm glad”
The uchigatana thighing his embraced a little and a quiet sob escape his lip, but the wakizashi hear it.
“Are you okay?” he raise his head to see the other face. “Did something bothering you?”
“Why did you do that?”
Horikawa look at him confused “Do what?”
“ Throwing you real body, leaving yourself defenseless before putting yourself between one of our comrade and the enemy blade. ”Tears want to come out of his eyes again but he holds them. “ What were you thinking ?”
“ I….I wasn't thinking, “ He look down. “ My body just moved on his own.” One of his hand clenched in the fabric of Yamanbagiri tracksuit “ I know what you think, but they're still family to me and I just want to keep them safe. I will have do the same if it had been Yamatonokami in danger.”
“What about us?” his voice sound a bit frustrated “ What about those who care about you? What about me and Yamabushi? Don't you understand how scared we were when Mutsunokami brought you back cover with your own blood.” The tears he try to hold were escaping his eyes now. “ You became to important to me.”
Horikawa had raise his head at the word ‘important’ .He was crying again too and when his blue eyes meet teal eyes, he ask.
“What do you mean by, ’ I'm important to you? ‘ “
“ I… I…” Why those words are so difficult to say. It was easy when the other was unconscious but now he's awake and he can't even say it again. He already say that much, there no turning back now. He take a deep breath and…
“I love you.”
Horikawa eyes widened at those words and Yamanbagiri have time to think he probably just messed up everything, but before he could say anything else the wakizashi have cup his face with both hands and press his lips against his own.
Yamanbagiri froze, the kiss didn't last long before Horikawa pulled back and smile at him, that real smile Yamanbagiri like so much and it was just for him.
“ I lie, actually I was thinking during that battle. At first it was, I have to protect Kane-san and Nagasone.“ He rest his head on his chest, his left hand flat beside his face. “But when I feel the enemy blade pierce my chest, when I taught it was the end for me.” His left hand clenched the fabric.“ I was afraid, not afraid of breaking but afraid that I will not see you again and never have the chance to tell you those words.”
He look up again and say.
” I love you too.”
He can't believe it, Horikawa was really returning his feelings. On the inside he could die from overjoy, but on the outside he was speechless and was just staring at those blue eyes. He gave up trying to say something back and put one of his hand behind Horikawa head before connecting they lips again for a longer kiss.
When they pull back it was for the need of oxygen and they were about to kiss again when…
“ I'm glad that you finally admit your feelings for each other but I think you still need rest Horikawa.”
They turn they head, Yamabushi was awake now and grinning at them. Yamanbagiri completely forgot that he was here with him the whole time. Oh god that was embarrassing.
“Brother, you were here too all this time. ”The wakizashi cheeks were red now.
“ KA KA KA, sorry, sorry. I didn't want to eavesdrop but I didn't want to interrupt either."
Yamanbagiri glared at him, his face was completely red. “ Still it embarrassing you know"
“How are you feeling brother.”
“ I'm feeling better now.“ He look a the tachi with sad eyes.“ Yamabushi, I'm sorry. Both of you have been here for me when I need you the most and all I did was to worry you, I'm so sorry.”
He move forward to be able to pat his brother head “ It's okay. You have been through a lot recently. The important is you getting better every day.”
Tears filled Horikawa eyes again but it was tear of joy, he raise his left arm to his brother arm and Yamabushi move closer so he could hug him.
“Thank you. “
“ Now I should go back to my room and leave the two of you rest.” He pat both his brothers heads, stand up and make his way to the door. He give one last look over his shoulder “ Good night”
“ Good night.“ Yamanbagiri say with a tiny smile.
“ Sleep well,” Horikawa adds with a smile of his own.
He waved a hand before closing the door, leaving the two of them alone.
“ He's right, you need to rest now.”
Horikawa look a him. “ I think you need it too" He says rubbing his thumb on the dark circles under Yamanbagiri eyes.
It's true that he was exhausted, he didn't sleep well during the time Horikawa was on mission and he didn't know how much he sleep last night and just before Horikawa wake up.
“ That what happen when you give me a scare like this one.” He lifted the cover to slip into the futon, help Horikawa to lay down before laying down himself at his side and pulling one arm around him.
“I'm sorry” he press his forehead on Yamanbagiri chest circling his left arm around his waist. “I love you. “ His right hand clenched in the fabric of Yamanbagiri clothes. “ Thank you for being here .”
He put his hand under Horikawa chin lifting his head to look in his eyes.“ I love you too”. He says before claiming his lips one last time.
“ I will always be here for you.”