Chapter Text
There were moments in life where time seemed to stand still. Moments, when one could hear their blood pumping through their veins and the sound of their heart, was so loud nothing could be heard. Those moments were always the worst. It was the crippling fear, the painful loss, the confusion, and the emptiness that would never fade.
Castiel faced one of those moments as he knelt on the floor of Sam and Dean’s room. Words could not describe how Castiel felt. Tears could not wash away the pain. Begging the Gods would not give him back what he wanted.
This is the moment Castiel lost part of his world.
**Earlier**
“Alpha Team, come in.” Gabby held a toy dart gun in his hand as he stood outside Papa and Omega Dad’s bedroom. Gabby knew Alpha Dad, and Omega Dad spent the night together last night. This would give them a perfect chance to capture Papa. Once Papa was captured, they could demand pancakes.
Gabby heard a whisper from Gadreel behind him, “Alpha Team is here.”
Gabby looked behind him and smiled at his brothers, Gadreel and Gary. He held up his toy gun and said, “On Three.”
Gadreel came up next to Gabby quietly. He placed his small hand on the door handle and waited for Gabby’s instructions.
Gabby took a deep breath and whispered, “Three, two, one.”
Gadreel swung the door open, and they stormed Papa’s room. Gabby raised his dart gun along with his brothers and opened fire on Papa. Gabby lowered his gun after all of his darts were gone.
Papa didn’t wake up. Normally Papa would grab them and give them tickles before asking them what they wanted for breakfast, but Papa didn’t wake up. Maybe Papa didn’t want to make them breakfast. Sometimes, when Papa was sick, he didn’t make breakfast.
Gabby took a step closer, unsure of what was wrong with Papa. Gabby noticed Papa’s teddy on the floor next to the bed. Papa had a trail of blood coming from his nose, but it looked dried and puddled on the bed. Gabby reached the bed and touched Papa’s arm. It was cold to the touch.
Behind him, Gabby heard Gary ask, “Omega Team, what is the pancake progress?”
Gabby glanced back at Gary before turning his attention back to Papa. He gave Papa a shake.
Nothing happened.
He shook Papa again. Harder this time.
Nothing.
Gabby gave Papa a hard shake and said nervously, “Papa?”
Gadreel dropped his gun and ran up beside him and shook Papa as well. His voice was strained, “Papa?” Gadreel gave another hard shake, “Gabby, what is wrong with Papa?”
Gary screamed, “Papa.”
++
Castiel woke up abruptly to the triplets screaming Papa. He sighed and got up to put a stop to whatever they were doing. He slipped on his pajama pants and a shirt as the screaming continued. Everyone was getting a time out for waking him at this ungodly hour. He shuffled out of his room and followed the noise to Sam’s room.
When he stepped in the room, he knew something was very wrong. The triplets were shaking Sam and frantically calling his name. Sam wasn’t moving. Castiel took a deep breath and said firmly, “Boys, please go ask Omega Dad to come here then go to your room.”
The boys complied, much to Castiel’s relief. He made his way over to the bed and like his sons he reached out to give Sam a shake as he said firmly, “Sammy.”
Sam’s body was cold, and Castiel noticed an absence of the rise and fall of Sam’s chest. He knelt down next to Sam. He could hear his heart beating in his chest, and it suddenly felt very warm in here. He stared at Sam’s face as he felt for a pulse on Sam’s cold neck.
There wasn’t a pulse.
Castiel’s hand shook as he grabbed Sam’s wrist. Sam’s fingertips were a blueish purple. Castiel squeezed Sam’s hand because he knew. He could deny it, but it wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t make anything better. It wouldn’t accomplish anything.
He knelt on the floor as leaned his head against his mate’s lifeless forehead. Castiel gave Sammy a gentle kiss on the forehead as he whispered with tears falling down his face. “It was supposed to be me. You weren’t supposed to leave me. I needed you. Dean needed you.” Castiel noticed his voice got louder as he spoke, “The boys need you. They need their father. How could you leave them? Sammy, why? Why did you leave us?”
Castiel broke into a sob and fell back on his heels he buried his hands in his eyes in a vain attempt to calm his tears. An endless series of why tore from his chest as he felt Dean’s arms wrap around him.
Castiel wanted Sam back. He wanted to be able to order Sam to wake up. He wanted God to tell him why he took his mate. It wasn’t fair, and nothing could make this right.
Nothing could make his world whole again.
He would never again wake up to his mate’s smile.
He would never again hold his mate in his arms.
He would never again see the sparkle in his mate’s eyes.
He would never again hear his mate’s voice.
He would never have the chance to say goodbye.
He would never have the chance to tell Sam he loved him once last time. He would forever live with the guilt that his last words to Sam weren’t “I love you.”
In desperation, Castiel begged, “Please wake up, Sammy.”