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It is news to Alex when he learns that Martha Dandridge, formerly Washington, is back in the dating pool. Late afternoon on a Wednesday, George pushes his phone in front of Alex, the screen showing a text from George’s ex-wife requesting he attend dinner with her and her new beau. The text even states that George may bring a date if he chooses.
For a split second, Alex prays to a god he might not even believe in that George is about to ask to take him to the dinner. It wouldn’t be his ideal first date, but Alex will take what he can get.
But then George’s face crumbles and the look he gives Alex resembles a sad puppy. “I’m not in love with her anymore,” he says, voice cracking, “but I—I can’t do this.”
The idea of George not being able to handle the situation gives Alex the urge to laugh. Because George may be upset about Martha dating again, but Alex’s heart is slowly crumbling for the sole reason that he knows he’ll never have what George and Martha had. He doesn’t have the same history they have, doesn’t have what Martha has. Specifically, he doesn’t have what made George fall for Martha. Her kindness, her friendliness, her compassion, her everything. Alex just doesn’t compare. There is nothing going for him that would cause George to return his feelings.
His heart aches just thinking about it. It’s too much.
So, he grabs his own phone and texts Eliza that he is on his way to her apartment and needs to talk to her. Grabbing his keys, he heads out. Alex knows his friend is home because the preschool lets out at two-thirty and she is usually too exhausted from work to do anything afterward. Once he arrives, Eliza lets him up immediately.
He raps on the door to her apartment and less than ten seconds later, it swings open. Eliza stands in her doorway, in joggers and a t-shirt she had stolen from Alex’s closet in their sophomore year of college. She steps aside to let him in her quaint apartment and immediately motions for him to sit down on her living room sofa. Across from the sofa, Netflix is paused on the television, the screen displaying ‘ Are you still watching The Good Place?’
“So, Alex, what’s up?”
“I—,” Alex starts and then pauses. “I needed to get out of my place. George got upset about Martha asking him to some dinner with her new boyfriend and I know he doesn’t love her anymore, but I couldn’t take it. I had to leave. I couldn't stay and watch him mope about it.”
It doesn’t explain why Alex is at her place, but both are aware why. Despite that he and Eliza dated for almost three years, they are one of each other’s closest friends. Eliza knows him better than anybody. She sees right through all his bullshit and can read him like a book.
Eliza takes a seat beside Alex on the sofa and takes his hands into hers, placing them in her lap. “What are you feeling?” Her eyes bear into him, seemingly seeing everything Alex is thinking and feeling.
“It’s not your job to be my therapist. I can handle this fine on my own. ”
“We both know that’s not true, Alexander,” she responds, voice stern. “This is going to help, okay?”
Alex lets out a loud sigh, but nods, making Eliza smile.
“I’m feeling upset, I guess. Just, I’m not really too fond of the fact that I don’t even have a chance in getting George to return my feelings. I have nothing Martha has. So why would George ever like me back?”
“Alexander Hamilton, you are the absolute stupidest genius I have ever met,” Eliza responds, shaking her head.
“Hey!” Alex replies, affronted by the semi-insult.
“You are so wrong. You’re great, Alex, and there’s no reason he shouldn’t like you too. Sure, maybe you can’t stop working unless someone physically takes your laptop away and maybe sometimes you talk about George’s smile for an hour straight, but you’re an awesome person and if George can’t see that then I don’t know what to say.”
“Look, George is extremely, even distractingly, attractive,” Alex says, apparently that being the only thing he took from what Eliza said. “You just don’t see it because he’s your father’s friend, but he truly is.” The divergence gives Alex the opportunity to do so, so he proceeds to spend the next twenty minutes complaining about George and his annoyingly handsome face and stupidly amazing personality.
“It’s just not fair, ‘Liza,” Alex eventually grumbles. He drops his head down on Eliza's lap and she sets a hand atop his head. “Granted, not much in my life is ever fair, but ugh. It’s really not fair!”
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Eliza had been the first one to notice he had a crush on George, so it really shouldn’t be a surprise to Alex that she is the first one to recognize that he is in love with George. Somehow it still is.
“I—,” Alex says, unable to form a coherent response. Eliza giggles, her hand flying to her mouth to stifle the sound.
“It’s so obvious,” she says. Her face suddenly hardens. “But… this might not end well, Alex. ”
Alex’s face must show he doesn’t follow so Eliza continues, this time her voice more tender than earlier.
“Unless George decides to get his act together and ask you out, he’s going to break you someday, Alex. Not intentionally, of course,” Eliza says softly, carding her small fingers through his hair. “But that doesn’t matter. Because you’ll still love him anyway.”
The heart-wrenching realization that Eliza is completely correct hits Alex. Tears prick the corners of his eyes, but he doesn’t want to admit to her statement being the truth.
Unrequited love is cruel and unforgiving. It takes and it takes and it gives nothing. Alex is terrified of the day George is going to get up and leave, or even worse kick him out, because he has fallen for someone or decided he just doesn’t need a roommate anymore. Alex knows it is going to occur one day. He knows it is inevitable that one day George is going to decide he’s ready to get on with his life. And Alex will be left behind in the dust, heart torn in pieces, but still hopelessly in love with George.