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If there was one thing Oliver hated, it was getting hugged. He could tolerate them, but nowadays - particularly because his life was full of such dangerous lunatics - even the idea of having someone wrapped around him made him uncomfortable. Compounding that was the fact that a lot of his friends were huggers, particularly one Barry Allen.
The truth was that Oliver used to hug a lot. He loved getting hugs from his parents, Thea, or even Tommy and Laurel, when they were younger. After his experiences away from Star City, however, he’d learned that hugs were just a way for people to hide their faces so you don’t see them smile when they stab you in the back. He just didn’t like feeling as exposed as he did when someone would put their arms around him, and he made sure his huggier friends knew this.
Kara was easy to convince, but Barry had been difficult to say the least. The man loved hugging people, especially when on an adrenaline high. Unfortunately for Oliver, a lot of their team ups often involved adrenaline spikes. This led to him shooting Barry down on more than one occasion, which more often than not made both of them upset, just one more outwardly than the other.
Even Kara had noticed at one point. “Dang, Oliver. Just hug the man. You’re not going to lose manliness points, I promise.”
Of course, Oliver didn’t care about looking manly. He felt bad about refusing Barry’s hugs for more than one reason, but one was starting to stand out in his mind: Barry’s hugs felt different from everyone else’s, and that scared him. When he hugged Thea, Oliver felt protective. When he hugged William, it was similar. But when he hugged Barry , Oliver’s chest heated up. Sometimes, there would be little prickles on the back of his neck. The hair on his arms would stand on end. His heart would race, and he’d have to play off a red face like it was some kind of reaction to his “allergy to hugs.”
But, try as he might, Oliver couldn’t hate Barry’s hugs. In fact, he liked them.
This was obviously a problem, because Oliver had set a precedent, and that needed to be upheld. Otherwise, people would start to get suspicious. Why would Oliver refuse hugs from everyone else, except Barry? Was there some reason why his heartbeat increased, and his smile widened, and the hug lingered just a half-second too long?
Ugh. Really, Oliver?
Barry?
The two of them had recently teamed up once more, and Barry had already returned to Central City, leaving Oliver to stand out in the night air of his balcony, focusing too hard on the black sky overhead. He silently lamented not being able to see the stars, like he could back on Lian Yu. The stars had been a source of stability for him in those first two years away, and it always gave him a sense of comfort to know the sky wouldn’t change, even if everything else did. Now, looking up at the void above, he wished he could rely on their stalwart light again, as he forced the thoughts of Barry out of his head.
Nothing he tried worked. He would push the thoughts of Barry’s hugs, his smile, his laugh, his goofy jokes, all out of his head, only for them to return the moment he stopped actively trying not to think about them. Drinking hadn’t helped - he’d just thought about how Barry couldn’t get drunk. Television hadn’t helped - there was a news report covering the deeds of the Green Arrow and Flash, together on practically every channel. Every distraction Oliver could think of only made him think about Barry. And now, the stars had given up on him, too.
“Ollie?”
Oliver turned to see Thea standing in the doorway leading back into the apartment, her arms crossed over her chest and a concerned look in her eye. “You should go back to sleep.”
“I would, but I can see you out here from my bed,” she said, indicating the window to the side of the balcony. “What’s the matter?”
Oliver turned back to face out over his beloved Star City, not sure if he was ready to admit all of this to someone else. So, instead, he went to bury the lead. “Do you remember how affectionate I was back, you know, before?” he asked.
Thea joined him at the railing and leaned against it beside him. “Yeah. You were a hugger. Especially to Mom and me.”
A smile cracked Oliver’s face, and he was sure everything would come spilling out. He controlled his words, measuring their weight before he spoke. “I’m sorry I haven’t been that way since I came back.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it, Ollie. It was a long time ago. A lot of us have changed.” Thea looked up at the sky, almost as if she were looking for something. “I don’t think I do hugs anymore, either. Not after all that training from Malcolm.”
“It’s not a weakness, right?” Oliver asked, not looking at her.
“It’s a defense mechanism,” she agreed. “I don’t think anyone would blame you for saying no to a hug, Ollie. I know I don’t.”
“They joke about it,” Oliver spat. “Kara and Barry, I mean.”
“Hm.”
“And they keep trying to make me hug them.”
“You’ve asked them not to, right?”
“Yeah, but you know Barry.”
His heart jumped into his throat. Was he about to -
“After we finished the job tonight, Barry tried to hug me. I let him.”
He was.
“You let him?” Thea looked over at her brother in confusion. “You didn’t fight it?”
“I didn’t fight it.” The corner of his mouth turned up at the memory, but he looked away from Thea to hide it. “I thought it felt good.”
“Hugs are meant to feel good, Ollie.”
He let his head fall between his arms. “I know. But they haven’t felt like that to me in years.”
Thea chuckled. “Are you starting to like hugs again, Ollie? Is that some big concern you have?”
Oliver lifted his head, his lips pursed together and his features tight. “I still don’t like the idea of hugs, Thea,” he admitted. “Just Barry’s.” He didn’t look at her.
Thea’s expression collapsed into contemplation. “Wait. What do you mean?”
Standing up straight, Oliver slowly turned to look at his sister, his face immeasurably controlled. “I like Barry’s hugs, Thea, but not anyone else’s.”
Thea stared long and hard into Oliver’s eyes, searching for some clarity into why this was important information. It seemed so trivial for someone like Ollie, but she knew there was something weighing this down for him.
And then, it hit her.
Her eyes widened and she snorted out a laugh. “Oh, my God,” she practically whined. “Oh, that is adorable .”
Oliver rolled his eyes and huffed, preparing for the sibling attack.
Thea just shook her head, her shoulders shaking with laughter. “This is the best thing to happen since I turned sixteen.” She took a deep breath, trying to control her laughing fit. “Oh, man. This is golden.”
“Thea.”
“Should I start thinking up couple names, like those celebs people say they don’t care about but really do?” Thea asked no one in particular. “Boliver, maybe? Ooh, Quallen!” Her laughter doubled her over.
“Thea, please.” Oliver closed his eyes, standing completely still, as he waited for this to pass.
“No, no, it’s okay, Ollie.” She stood up and wiped a tear from her eye. “It’s not every day you find out your superhero brother has a crush on another superhero.”
“Thea, this is serious.”
“I’ll say it is!” She grinned up at him. “For the first time since I started learning all your secrets, I finally feel like you’ve told me something. And I, for one, am here for it.” She put a hand on his shoulder, which he was sure she meant to be comforting. It had the opposite effect. “Do you want me to give your little Barr Bear a call?” she asked, pouting.
“Okay. I’m going inside now.” Oliver turned to leave, but Thea’s grip on his shoulder tightened.
“Wait. Hold on.” She found his gaze once more, this time, her face serious. “I’m happy for you, Ollie. Concerned, because I don’t even know if Barry likes guys, but happy you have someone in your life that gives you the warm fuzzies. We all need someone like that, especially given what you do.”
“On that note, how’s Roy?” Oliver asked with a smirk.
“And this is where I say goodnight, big brother.” Thea turned and headed into the apartment, leaving Oliver to watch her in amusement.
Turning back to look up at the nearly blank sky overhead, Oliver sighed. One person knew now, and that should help him from wanting to throw himself off the balcony with longing. He’d have to tell Barry eventually, at least about liking his hugs. But until that day came, maybe Oliver could keep his distance. He could keep this under control. He was good at controlling things.
Was this something he could control?
Two weeks passed, and Oliver had (mostly) been able to avoid hugging Barry. They’d seen each other twice since his great epiphany, and only once did Barry try to hug him. Oliver shot him down, as usual, but this time, there was a “sorry” tacked onto the end, which confused Barry to no end. Cursing himself, Oliver had retreated, finding solace on the quiet train ride back from Central City.
When Oliver arrived at his apartment, however, there was a note stuck to his door.
“When you get home, meet me on the roof.”
Oliver scrutinized it, flipping it over in his hand. It wasn’t Thea’s handwriting, nor was it Felicity’s or John’s. Who could have left this here? Oliver’s shoulders tensed - this could be a trap. He’d have to proceed with caution.
The roof was dark with the starless skies overhead, but the lights from the surrounding cityscape illuminated it well enough for Oliver to see the figure standing at the far end of the building, overlooking the highway below. As he approached, the figure came into better focus, revealing the lanky build of one Barry Allen.
“Barry? What are you doing here?” Oliver called, stepping over a ventilation pipe.
When Barry turned around, there was an air of concern about him. His eyes were focused and his jaw set tight. “I’m worried about you, Oliver,” he said, meeting Oliver halfway across the roof. “In all the times you’ve told me off, you’ve never ended it with such a pathetic apology.”
“What? What do you mean?”
Barry put his hands on his hips and wobbled back and forth as he impersonated Oliver. “‘No, Barry. I’m sorry, but no hug!’ ‘Sorry, Barry, not today.’ ‘Leave me alone, Barry.’ ‘I don’t feel like a hug, today, Barry.’ You’ve given me a lot of lip for trying to hug you, but you’ve always been forceful. It’s kind of our thing - I try to hug you after a successful team up, and you smack me down with your edge. But tonight was different. You were actually remorseful. It wasn’t part of an act this time.”
“What’s your point?” Oliver forced out, but he knew what was coming. His heart was threatening to choke him.
“Are you okay?” Barry’s concern seeped into his gaze, and Oliver suddenly couldn’t look him in the eye. “Tonight was a big win, but you seemed so defeated.”
Oliver couldn’t bring his face up to meet Barry’s. The man had run six hundred miles to check on him because he seemed a little off following their mission. That was...completely unnecessary, is what it was! But the smile tugging at the corner of Oliver’s mouth told him how much he appreciated the gesture.
“I’m fine,” Oliver lied.
Barry stared at him, taking in his sunken body language and averted eyes. “I don’t think you are, Ollie.” Oliver shifted uncomfortably at his nickname. It wasn’t that it bothered him, but that he had felt a twinge of... something at hearing Barry be the one to use it. That nickname was reserved, and Barry should not have been on that list of people. But why didn’t it bother Oliver to hear Barry use it?
“Fine. I’m not okay,” Oliver said, more coherently than most of his thoughts. “But I’ll get over it. You didn’t have to come all the way out here just to check on me.”
Barry moved in closer, causing Oliver to take a step back. They looked each other in the eye, Oliver struggling to maintain contact for more than a few seconds. There was a moment of consideration from Barry, his eyes narrowing as he observed the other man’s face. Finally, Barry leaned back a little, visibly unconvinced of whatever conclusion he’d reached.
“I don’t know what you’re going through, but you need to know I’m here for you,” Barry said quietly, reaching out and putting a hand on Oliver’s shoulder. Oliver glanced down at it, unwilling to shrug it off like he knew he should.
“I know you are.” The words were strangled as Oliver tried to project more confidence than he felt.
“Have you told anyone what’s bothering you?” Barry asked. “Having a confidante can be really helpful in overcoming problems sometimes.”
“Someone knows.” Not that he’d told her outright. “Thanks, Barry.”
Without looking at him, Oliver leaned in and pulled Barry into a hug around his shoulders, leading to a shocked silence. Somehow, Barry didn’t feel the hammering in Oliver’ chest or the warmth in his face as the embrace lingered. They stood like that for almost a solid minute before Oliver pulled away and turned toward the stairwell.
“I’m sorry you came all the way out here for me,” Oliver said, refusing to turn around. “I’ll be okay. Just need some time to myself.”
“If you say so.” Barry’s complacency was obviously forced by the sound of his voice. Something about this situation had suddenly put Barry on edge. “I’ll come check up on you again soon, okay?”
“You really don’t need to-”
“Oliver. Shut up and say okay.”
Oliver cracked a smile that Barry couldn’t see. “Okay.”
There was a lingering pause before Oliver heard the sudden crackle of electricity and the rush of wind as Barry rocketed over the edge of the building and down onto the street below. When he looked up, Oliver was alone, both inside and out.
Barry had been right: having a confidante definitely helped. Oliver and Thea talked about the “situation” at length the next day, with the general consensus being that Oliver needed to tell Barry the truth. Out of all of Oliver’s friends, only Felicity had the combination of caring and stubbornness Barry did, but seeing her on a nightly basis made it easier for her to adjust to his mood swings over the next few days. On the other hand, seeing Barry at all made Oliver, well, feel things, causing some rather erratic behavior. This made Barry suspicious by default.
“He’s being really good about not pushing you,” Thea noted over afternoon tea a few days later. “That’s a good thing, right?”
Oliver looked down at his tea, not sure what to say. He certainly appreciated Barry’s patience, but the man’s insistence in checking in wasn’t something Oliver could deal with easily. Two days prior, Barry had shown up on Oliver’s doorstep with three bags of Big Belly Burger and a DVD of Die Hard . Oliver hated that movie, but he agreed to watch it without hesitation once Barry started begging to spend the evening with him. During the course of the film, Oliver had noticed Barry looking at him with no provocation thirteen times, and that’s just what he’d seen out of the corner of his eye. He felt like he was a test subject Barry was studying at this point, and it wasn’t a good feeling.
“Ollie?”
Oliver shook his head, shocking himself back to the present. “Yeah. What?”
Thea leaned forward and looked up at her brother. “Are you okay? You’re zoning out.”
“Sorry. Just thinking.”
Thea sighed. “You need to tell him, Ollie.”
“What if-”
“Stop. No ifs. Don’t torture yourself.” She reached across the table and placed a comforting hand on his wrist. “He’s one of your best friends. He’ll understand why this has been so hard. And if he doesn’t see things the same way, he’ll let you know in a way that you can use as closure. Barry isn’t a jerk, Ollie.”
He chuckled. “That role is reserved for me.”
Thea nodded in agreement.
Oliver raised an eyebrow at her. “This is where you console me and tell me I’m not a jerk.”
“Oh, but Mom always told us not to lie, Ollie, and it’s been a long time since I’ve had to. Don’t make me break my streak.”
They laughed, and it helped relax Oliver’s shoulders a little. He took a sip of his tea, still pleasantly warm. He didn’t normally enjoy tea, but Thea had insisted, and he wasn’t about to argue with her about relaxation methods. She was kind of a master at them.
“Do you like your tea?” Thea asked as she got up and made her way into the kitchen.
“Yeah,” Oliver said, surprising himself. “What is this, anyway?”
“Something Malcolm showed me in Corto Maltese,” she replied. “It’s supposed to soothe the mind and allow for better concentration. He used it when we would train with the more dangerous stuff.”
“I don’t know about the concentration part, but I do feel more relaxed,” Oliver agreed. “Thank you, Thea.”
“It’s my pleasure.” She put a hand on his shoulder as she sat down next to him with a plate of small finger sandwiches. She offered him one, which he accepted with gratitude.
“So should I arrange a meeting or something, or should it be more natural than that,” Oliver asked.
“Ollie, it’s the Green Arrow and the Flash. There’s virtually no chance you guys develop this naturally. You’re going to have to meet up with him.”
He supposed he couldn’t argue with that. “I’ll see if he wants to meet up this weekend. I’ll go out to Central City.”
“That’s an expensive trip, especially if he lets you down hard and you’re stuck there,” Thea noted. “Are you sure you want to do it over there? He can be here in like half an hour.”
“No,” Oliver said, shaking his head. “I want to be the one who does the work. It’s only fair to him, seeing as how he’s been running back and forth.”
They sat in silence, drinking their tea and snacking. Finally, Thea leaned on her elbow and asked, “So is this like a crush? Or love? Or what?”
Oliver nearly choked on the bite of sandwich in his mouth. “Love? No, Thea. It’s not love.” At least, not yet. “Barry just makes me really happy. I enjoy his hugs. When I’m around him, I get a feeling I haven’t felt since-”
“ Please say Laurel,” Thea said with a laugh.
He raised an eyebrow. “I was going to say ‘before the island,’ but yeah. I guess so. When he’s around, I’m reminded of how I felt around Laurel.”
Thea closed her eyes and sighed. “Okay. It’s good you’re going this weekend, because you’ve got it bad.”
“I don’t have anything, Thea, other than a good friend whose hugs make me feel…” His voice trailed off as he realized the word he was about to say.
“Loved?” Thea offered.
Sitting there, staring at the table in front of him with wide eyes, Oliver took a deep breath. “Okay. Definitely more to this than I thought. Are you sure-”
“Yes. This weekend, or never talk to me about him again,” Thea insisted. “You need this out in the open, regardless of what this is.”
Oliver nodded, his heart hammering in his chest. “Right. Thanks, Speedy.”
She made a glamorous gesture. “What are sisters for?”
It was midday, and the sun was shining in the most stereotypical way possible for what Oliver had set out to do that day. Barry met him at the train station in Central City that Saturday, as they’d agreed, but Oliver noticed something off about him as they walked off the platform.
“Are you wearing cologne?” Oliver asked with a chuckle.
Barry shrugged, but Oliver noticed how uncomfortable he looked.
“Barry.”
“Huh?”
“Are you okay?”
Barry shook his head. “This is about you, Oliver. You said you were ready to tell me what had you so kerfuffled.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to just ignore it if something’s bothering you.” He coughed. “The cologne is new, though. What is that?”
“It’s kind of an experiment of Cisco’s,” Barry admitted. “I have no idea why he had cologne he wanted me to test, but here we are.”
“Does it do anything?”
“Evidently it makes people have coughing fits around me.”
Oliver laughed. “I think it’s just a tad strong, is all.”
“Oh. So, you like it?” Something in Barry’s voice nagged at Oliver. He sounded almost hopeful.
“Sure, I guess.” He chuckled.
They approached a bus stop and looked around. They were the only ones waiting.
“Where are we going, anyway?” Barry asked.
“I don’t really know. I was thinking you’d know a place we could go for some privacy.”
Barry cleared his throat. “Privacy? Uh, sure. We could go to STAR Labs or my lab at the precinct.”
“Aren’t those places a little open to the public, Barry? How about we just head back to your place for a bit?”
This time, Barry coughed. “Ah. M-My place?”
“Yes, Barry. Your place. You know, where we can sit and talk and not have to worry about random people barging in on the conversation? Maybe have a drink?”
Barry flinched. “Right. Uh, you sure you don’t want to talk somewhere else?”
Oliver narrowed his eyes. “Barry, what’s going on?”
“Nothing. We can go back to my place. No biggie.” Without waiting for confirmation, Barry scooped Oliver up and whisked him off in the blink of an eye. In the span of a couple of seconds, they were in Barry’s apartment, the leftover wind from the run stirring up a few documents on his kitchen table.
Oliver’s jaw was set tight as he looked over at Barry with disapproval.
“Sorry, I guess I got ahead of myself,” Barry muttered, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“It looks like I’m not the only one who has some explaining to do,” Oliver mused as he moved over to the couch in the center of the living room. Barry joined him soon after.
The two men sat in silence for a moment, before Barry stood back up. “Want a beer?” he asked.
“Aren’t you immune to most alcohol?”
“Yeah, but sometimes I buy stuff with some flavor to it.”
“Uh, sure.”
Barry walked over to the fridge, took a long look inside, and grabbed a couple of beers out of the door. He took a minute to find the bottle opener, then made a show of taking the caps off of each one. By the time he’d returned to the couch with Oliver’s drink, his guest was watching him with a slow shaking of his head.
“Are you stalling?” Oliver asked. He didn’t look down at the beer in his hand and took a swig, the flavor stinging his tongue on contact. He jerked his head away from the bottle. “What the hell is this? Lime beer?”
Barry shrugged. “I thought I’d try something new.” He took a drink himself, then promptly put the bottle down on the nearby table. “And now I have. The rest can go in the trash.”
Oliver chuckled despite the irritation in his chest. Barry really was trying to avoid this conversation, wasn’t he?
“So, I guess we should talk,” Barry muttered, not making eye contact.
“Yeah.”
“What did you want to tell me? And it’s okay, just tell me whatever you feel comfortable with. You don’t have to go into detail, or explain anything -”
“Barry.”
“Huh?”
“You’re rambling.”
“Oh.”
Oliver shook his head. “I’m supposed to be the nervous one here. Why doesn’t it feel that way?”
Barry shrugged, still not giving Oliver his gaze.
“Okay, then.” Oliver cleared his throat. “So, I recently realized that I, uh, I don’t actually hate it when you…”
Barry lifted an eyebrow and finally looked over at his guest.
Oliver cleared his throat a second time. Why was this so difficult? “That is-”
Ugh.
Just say it , Queen!
Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Oliver spat it all out. “I actually like your hugs. They’re the best part about our team ups. They make me feel loved.”
When Oliver opened his eyes, Barry was grinning. “Is that it? That’s what you were so concerned about telling me? Really?”
Oliver flinched. “Well, no.”
Barry’s smile evaporated. “Okay, I’m here. What else did you want to tell me?”
No matter how difficult it was to admit the hugging thing, Oliver realized he couldn’t close his eyes for this. He looked Barry straight in the eye, his own expression dead serious. “Realizing how much I liked your hugs made me think about things, Barry. I thought a lot about you.” He paused, hoping Barry would catch on and he wouldn’t have to say anything. He didn’t. “It helped me realize that I have feelings for you.”
Barry’s expression clouded. “Feelings?”
“Romantic ones.” Oliver’s voice cracked, but his gaze remained steady.
The same couldn’t be said about Barry. He looked away, his eyes desperately searching around his apartment for a safe place to land. “I, uh. Wow. That’s pretty heavy, Oliver.”
“Now you know why I was having such a hard time with this.”
“Yeah. I-” Barry took a deep breath. When he spoke again, his voice was shaking. “Oliver, I think you should leave.”
There was a pause as Oliver registered that sentence. Even then, it didn’t make sense. “What?”
“Please.” He wouldn’t look at Oliver. There was something different about Barry’s posture, now - his shoulders were slumped, and his knuckles were white as he clasped his hands together.
Oliver didn’t move. This wasn’t the Barry Allen he knew. Something was off. “Barry-”
“ Get out .”
Before Oliver knew what was happening, there was a whoosh of wind and he stood outside Barry’s apartment building, the sun glaring down on him as if to taunt him. It had no right to feel so good on his skin when his insides felt so twisted.
This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. Thea was right: Barry was a good friend, who wouldn’t do something like shut Oliver out for confessing his feelings. This sudden turn of events did nothing but convince him there was something wrong with Barry.
“Barry!” Oliver shouted at the building, knowing full well he couldn’t hear him. His head fell and he kicked at the ground in front of him with gusto. “Dammit, Barry. What the hell is going on in that head of yours?”
Giving a lingering, forlorn look up at the apartment windows, Oliver turned away, the lead weight in his stomach slowing his footfalls as he headed back toward the train station.
The following week had been rather tough. Not only was Oliver still trying to figure out why Barry had closed himself off the way he had, the Flash wasn’t answering any distress calls from Star City. Vibe had assisted once, but Barry was nowhere to be seen. When Oliver asked about him, Cisco’s response had been, “Give him some space. I’m sure he can’t stay away from you forever.”
That didn’t really help the knot in Oliver’s stomach, but he knew Cisco was right.
Thea had gone into Protective Sibling Mode, initially talking down about Barry until Oliver forced her to stop. He wasn’t upset with him - he was concerned. Barry hadn’t acted like Barry, and Oliver wanted to know why, more than anything. There was a lot of calming tea in his recent history, and he was starting to enjoy having it just to have it.
“So what’s your plan of attack?” Thea asked as she handed him another cup of tea, the fourth one that afternoon. “You’re not going to just let this sit, right?”
“I don’t want to,” Oliver agreed, “but I think it’s up to Barry to decide when it’s time to talk.”
“You don’t think this is because you had romantic feelings for a guy, right? You don’t think he’s homophobic or something,” she asked.
He shook his head. “No. Barry doesn’t care about that. There’s gotta be something else, something I’m missing.”
“Either way, I guess it’s safe to assume your crush is one-sided,” Thea muttered, taking a slow drink. “I’m sorry, Ollie.”
It hurt to think about the rejection, but Oliver nodded. To be honest, he hadn’t thought much about the fact that he’d been rejected over the fact that Barry’s behavior had felt so strange. “I’m just worried about him,” he said quietly. “Romantic interests aside, I just want him to be okay.”
Thea reached over and took Oliver’s hand in hers. “If you’re sure you don’t want to press him, I won’t argue, but I really do think you have a good chance of getting through to him.”
Oliver smiled over at his sister, putting his other hand on top of hers in solidarity. He opened his mouth to reply, but a buzzing noise tipped him off to a text message, interrupting his thought. “One sec.” He reached for his phone and took a quick look at the screen. He stared at the name intently, his brow creasing.
“What is it?”
“It’s Barry. He wants to talk.”
Thea chuckled. “I’d say how much of a coincidence that is, but we’ve been talking about him non-stop for a week. It was probably inevitable.”
Oliver stared at the text, unmoving. If he agreed to this, there would be no going back. He was tempted to make Barry wait, but before he knew what was happening, he was texting him back.
“What are you telling him?” Thea asked, looking a little disinterested. She obviously knew what was happening right next to her.
“I told him I’d meet him in person to talk, or not at all. He owes me that much after throwing me out of his apartment.”
“Ooh. Taking a strong stance. I like it.” She grinned.
Oliver didn’t say anything.
“Hey. It’ll be okay, Ollie.”
Staring at the confirmation from Barry, he wasn’t so sure.
Night had begun to set in. It took Barry only two hours to get to Star City, which meant Oliver had to wait with a knot in his stomach twisting tighter and tighter for two eternities. He wanted Barry to come to his apartment, where he couldn’t kick Oliver out if words turned to blows. It was a private, safe space, and Oliver’s territory. This discussion was happening, and it was happening on Oliver’s terms.
There was a knock at the door just as Thea approached it to head out in order to give the two some privacy. She opened it to reveal the awkwardly shuffling form of Barry Allen, his hands in his pockets and his hair wind-swept from running. There was a distinct smell of burning rubber and Big Belly Burger about him, meaning he must have ditched his worn-out shoes and grabbed a refuel on his way over. Thea knew Oliver didn’t care so much about that; the man’s needs were inhuman.
“C’mon in, Barry. He’s right over there,” Thea said, indicating the couch. “I’m stepping out, but I’m just a text away,” she added loudly. Oliver waved at her, silently grateful for her support in the matter.
After the door closed behind him, Barry trudged his way into the living area, not really making eye contact or letting his gaze sit still for long. He was obviously nervous. His cheeks were a little flushed, but that could have been from the exertion of running over six hundred miles to have a chat.
“Come sit down, Barry,” Oliver suggested, motioning to a chair at the end of the sofa.
“Yeah, sure.” Barry’s voice was tiny. Airy. Uncomfortable and pained. As he sat down, his hands immediately started wringing together.
“You wanted to talk,” Oliver started.
Barry nodded. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“Take your time. You’re safe here, Barry.”
“Right.” He leaned forward. “I wanted to start with ‘I’m sorry.’”
Oliver didn’t say anything. He felt this was owed to him, after all.
“The way I kicked you out like that was not the right way to handle that situation,” Barry continued, still not making eye contact with him. “And the radio silence, too. I’ve been thinking. Almost constantly.”
“About what?” Oliver’s voice was soft and even. Measured. He was determined not to be emotionally charged during this discussion.
“Well, I kind of panicked.”
“Panicked?”
Barry nodded. “Yeah, um. When you admitted you had feelings for me. I didn’t know what to say. Before I knew what I was doing, I was taking you down to the street.”
“Okay,” Oliver said with a slow nod, “but why didn’t you contact me later?”
There was a little hitch in Barry’s posture, where he jerked his head as he laughed. “Yeah. I, uh, I guess I was too busy sorting out what was going on in my head.”
“And did you?”
“Nope.” Barry laughed, a little louder this time. “If I’m being perfectly honest, I was a mess. Everyone tried to help me make sense of it. Nothing helped.”
“But did you figure it out?” Oliver asked, leaning his weight forward to lean on his knees. Barry still hadn’t looked him in the eye since entering the apartment. Was he that ashamed of his actions?
Barry nodded, clearing his throat. He looked over at Oliver, pain lingering in his eyes. When he spoke again, his voice was shaky, like he knew he would be judged for them. “I panicked because I have feelings for you, too, Oliver, and I didn’t know how to deal with them.”
Oliver sat in a stunned silence, his eyes wide. Barry tittered nervously, breaking eye contact almost immediately. His face had filled with a deep red color, and his eyes looked glassy from where Oliver was sitting.
“I’m sorry,” Barry said again, this time very quietly. He hung his head and grabbed it with his hands. “I didn’t know what to do, Ollie.”
Oliver blinked himself back into the present. “Hold on. I’m just trying to wrap my head around this. You reacted like that because you had feelings for me? Barry, that’s crazy. You should have just told me-”
“It’s not that easy!” Barry stood to his feet, his stance surprisingly aggressive. “We aren’t all assassins who can just flip our emotions off, Oliver. I, for one, know I’m kind of a mess when it comes to stuff like this. When you said all that stuff, I had a small surge of adrenaline, which sent my mind into superspeed. It started thinking about all the ways I could be misunderstanding you, or the reasons it would be a terrible idea to confess that I felt the same way, or the possibilities of us having any kind of believable future together. And a lot of those outcomes weren’t good, Ollie. They scared me.”
Barry stepped forward and kneeled down in front of Oliver, who was still seated on the couch. Tears lined his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. The possibilities hit me like a truck, and I didn’t know what I could do to stop myself from just blurting out my feelings. I’ve never been good at wrangling them. I ran you outside to stop myself, not to stop you.”
Oliver stared down at the other man’s pained expression, his own a strange mixture of concern and relief. “Barry, I had no idea.”
“Well, I did drop some hints,” Barry said with a one-armed shrug. “The cologne. Meeting you at the station. Being nervous about being alone with you. And then there’s the fact that I hug you after every mission we tag-team. Do you see me hugging Cisco?”
They both laughed, but it was cut short as Oliver reached out and pulled Barry into a tight squeeze. Barry wrapped his arms around Oliver’s torso and pulled him off of the couch. Soon, the two were on their knees, deep in an embrace.
“I needed this,” Oliver whispered.
Barry hummed his agreement. “I could get used to these long hugs,” he said with a chuckle.
Suddenly, Oliver’s arms tightened around Barry. “Don’t let go,” he pleaded, his voice barely a whisper. Concern filled Barry’s chest and his arms reacted accordingly, tugging harder on Oliver’s body. There was a body-wracking quiver, and suddenly he was supporting a lot of the man’s weight as he started to cry.
“Ollie?”
Oliver fisted the back of Barry’s shirt as he quietly sobbed into the crook of his neck. Barry put a hand on the back of Oliver’s head, leaning into him as support. He rubbed Oliver’s back with his other hand.
Minutes passed before the two separated. Oliver sniffled and looked away, embarrassed.
“Ollie. Hey.” Barry ducked around to find Oliver’s eyes. “Hey. Look at me. It’s okay.”
“I don’t know what happened,” Oliver whispered, followed by a small chuckle. “I’m sorry. This was supposed to be happy.”
“It is,” Barry replied, reaching up and wiping a tear from Oliver’s cheek. “You’ve been holding a lot back. I get it. It’s okay.” He smiled, causing Oliver’s stomach to do a backflip at the sight. “Hugs don’t just hide your face. They offer shoulders to lean on. And mine will be here for you, no matter what.”
Oliver laughed. “That is…”
“Corny?”
“Exactly what I needed to hear,” he replied, looking Barry in the eye. “I’m glad it was you, Barry.”
“Me, too.”
Oliver leaned in for another hug, this one without the waterworks. They sat like that for a long while, eventually moving to sitting with one another on the couch in contented silence. By the time Thea had returned, they’d both fallen asleep in one another’s arms, relaxed to have finally found the physical bridge between them.
Thea found a blanket and set it over them, a warm smile on her face. “Sweet dreams, boys.” She turned out the lights and walked away, her heart bursting with the thought of her brother finally learning to let someone new in. It couldn’t have happened to or with better people.
The door to Thea’s room clicked shut. Elsewhere in the room, Barry absently nuzzled his face into Oliver’s chest, while Oliver’s arms draped over his body. It was going to be a good night.