Work Text:
Izuku knew he should’ve seen this coming.
After everything that’s happened between him and Kacchan, how could this not happen? Years of pining had blinded him, filled him with false hope that one day, Kacchan would be his and his alone.
But everyone had to face reality sooner or later.
It had started soon after their fight at Ground Beta- they hadn’t talked about it since then, hadn’t mentioned a word of it to each other.
Izuku wondered if it would’ve made a difference.
Was it his fault? Was Kacchan waiting for him to extend a hand, waiting for Izuku to confront him about what had happened? Would things have been different if he had?
It was too late to think about that.
Kacchan had been ignoring him.
Hadn’t been responding to his greetings. Been leaving the room whenever Izuku arrived. Turned away from him when he noticed Izuku looking at him.
And every single time he did, he’d grabbed Kirishima’s wrist and dragged him along with him, Kacchan’s cheeks slowly becoming as red as his hair.
Izuku knew he should be happy. Kacchan was happy, right? He found love in someone, and that someone loved him back. They were together, they were happy, Kacchan was happy, and that was all Izuku wanted.
But there was that part of him that twisted, and broke, and cried out, because he wanted to be the one to make Kacchan happy. He wanted to be the one Kacchan whisked away, the one Kacchan trusted, the one Kacchan showed his most private sides to, the one he held in his arms, and kissed, and loved.
There was a part of him, encased around his raw and ravaged feelings, that told him no, you can’t be with Kacchan- he hasn’t even apologized to you yet!
It was a feeble excuse, and Izuku knew it- but it was one he went with anyway.
It’s not that he avoided confessing all this time because he knew Kacchan would never like him back, it’s because he never apologized, that was it! Even if Kacchan changed, he still needed an apology.
The best apology is changed behavior, a voice would remind him.
He never listened.
And what did it matter, anyway? Kacchan was unreachable now. He was Kirishima’s.
Not Izuku’s. Never Izuku’s.
It was late at night- Izuku knew he should be sleeping, but all he could do was hug his pillow close to him, burying his head in it as tears fell from his eyes, his heart being stabbed with a new wave of pain every time he thought of it, every time he saw Kacchan’s bright red cheeks as he led Kirishima away, every time he saw Kirishima excitedly chatter on to Kacchan, every time he wished it was him instead.
Was it his fault, for loving Kacchan for so long and never making his feelings known? It could be. Should be. But him and Kacchan should be on better terms now- that must mean Izuku could confess. But it didn’t; because Kacchan was avoiding him and with Kirishima and Izuku was alone, alone, alone.
He figured it was a blessing in disguise that Kacchan was avoiding him.
He didn’t have to experience his heart shattering every time he spoke to his childhood friend.
Five days after their fight, Kacchan approached Izuku.
His expression was unreadable, and he was forcing himself to keep his eyes on Izuku, as evidenced by the fact that every so often, they darted around nervously.
“Deku,” he started. “I’ve got something to say to you.”
Izuku knew his words wouldn’t be I love you, but the thought of it made his heart flutter regardless.
“Yeah, Kacchan?”
Kacchan took a deep breath- in, out, and Izuku tried to ignore the shakiness of it.
“I’m sorry.”
The words were so quiet that Izuku wasn’t sure if it came from Kacchan at all- had it? Was it really coming from him? Had Kacchan just apologized to him?
“M’ sorry for fucking everything, Deku- Izuku.”
That sounded weird to hear. Izuku felt something twist inside of him.
He must’ve made a face, because he saw Kacchan look a little confused, a little hurt- and ask what was wrong.
“You can call me Deku,” Izuku had muttered out. “Please.”
Kacchan looked confused still, but nodded.
“Alright. Deku. I’m sorry. For all the shit I did to you.”
There it was- it had been short, and awkward, but there it was.
Kacchan had apologized.
There was nothing holding Izuku back.
Nothing but the cold, harsh reality of Kacchan being Kirishima’s.
He felt tears prick his eyes- and Kacchan had seem them too, his expression softening from his resolved one to that of concern.
“Deku?”
Izuku reached up to wipe his eyes, the tears spilling over because his Kacchan’s voice was so full of concern, so soft, but still had its gruff edge to it and always would; that one word sounded so intimate and Izuku wanted more, needed more, but would never get more, ever ever ever.
He felt a hand on his shoulder, and another broken sob tore out of him.
“Deku,” Kacchan said again, “the hell’s wrong? Something I said?”
Despite the harsh wording, the concern was evident in his voice. Izuku shook his head and bit his lip.
“Nothing you said, Kacchan-” -a hiccup- “I just- thank you, Kacchan.”
It tore at him, shredding his heart to pieces as Kacchan’s hand gently moved up and down in a feeble comforting gesture.
Izuku couldn’t take it.
He let himself fall into Kacchan’s arms, let himself bury his head into Kacchan, let himself cling to the person he’s loved for as long as he can remember, his tears staining the crook of Kacchan’s neck, but at least he could keep himself together-
And then, he felt arms around him.
A wail tore out of him as he clung to Kacchan harder, feeling like he had been stabbed over and over, and was still being stabbed.
It felt so good, so amazing, so right- he never wanted to let go. Ever.
Every fiber of his being ached for Kacchan, ached to be with him, ached to be in his arms forever, his agony unmatched by any sensation he’d ever felt as he broke into little pieces in Kacchan’s arms; not because he was sad, but because he was so indescribably happy in this one moment, and this one moment only.
He smelled like caramel; an overpowering, sweet scent that enveloped Izuku in its comforting presence- what he wouldn’t give to curl up with Kacchan all the time, any time he wanted, and fall asleep with his face buried in him. What he wouldn’t give to wake up to Kacchan next to him, tangled up with him, his expression calm as he slept, his childhood friend the picture of comfort next to Izuku, loving Izuku, trusting Izuku enough to be with him.
Izuku would do anything. Give anything.
And now Kacchan was rubbing his back; quietly, but still. Kacchan never was good with comfort; Izuku remembered when they were kids; whenever he fell and got hurt, and cried, Kacchan always had said Get up! Stop crying, Deku! Dont’cha wanna be a hero? Heroes don’t cry! How’re you gonna win if you’re too busy crying?
Izuku supposed it had been Kacchan’s special brand of comfort. Although, it didn’t exactly work, now did it?
Not in the moment, anyway. And the moment was the most important time for it to work.
As he choked out broken thanks and shaky “It’s okay”s, he hadn’t started to calm down, rather, his body simply had nothing else to cry.
Nights and nights of heartbreak had drained him completely, leaving him with nothing else to cry.
He lingered for as long as he was able, then pulled away, watery green eyes meeting Kacchan’s bright red.
He gave his Kacchan a shaky smile. “Thank you so much, Kacchan…”
“Tch.” Kacchan looked away. “Don’t thank me for shit I should’ve done a long time ago.”
“But you did it anyway, Kacchan!” He wiped at his face, trying to dry the tear tracks left. “That’s what matters!”
“Mmh.” Kacchan wasn’t looking at him.
A tense silence hung in the air, and Kacchan left before Izuku had the chance to break it.
Izuku hadn’t told him. He shouldn’t tell him.
Not when Kacchan was so happy with Kirishima. They’d been even blushier lately; at least they were last Izuku checked- it was becoming more and more unbearable to spend time in the common room, where he could see them together and have his heart broken all over again.
It didn’t matter how badly he was hurting. How numb he felt, how he didn’t even have the drive to get out of bed- Kacchan was happy, and that was what mattered.
But God, was it hard to find the drive to do anything. Izuku had no idea how he would fare when the term started up again- Kacchan was his reason for striving to do better, his source of inspiration, the person he wanted to impress the most, his everything.
A huge chunk of his motivations were missing, and Izuku felt like nothing was left.
There was a knock at his door.
Izuku got out of bed to open it- it was fine if you were in bed at 2 PM if you were playing on a handheld, right?- and was greeted with Kirishima.
Immediately, he could feel that pit brew in him, something rotten twisting around his heart and barring its thorns, ready to strike, to hurt.
He didn’t want to hurt. Didn’t want to hurt Kirishima, didn’t want to resent him like he did.
But he didn’t know how to stop.
“Hey, Midoriya!” Kirishima greeted, oblivious to the storm brewing inside Izuku. “You and Bakugo are childhood friends, right?”
“Yeah.” He hadn’t meat it to come out so flatly. Thankfully, Kirishima didn’t seem to notice.
“Good, ‘cause I need your help with something- Bakugo’s been acting really weird for a few days, and he’s not telling me why! I was hoping, maybe you could talk to him or something?”
“Why can’t you do it?”
Kirishima cocked his head to the side and looked at him- maybe he had noticed Izuku’s tone that time. “Are you kidding? You’re way closer to him than I am!”
“Aren’t you closer now? You’re with him, after all.”
“With-?” Kirishima’s eyes widened. “No, no! Midoriya, I’m not- oh my God, is that why you’ve been acting so sullen around me? I’m not dating Bakugo! I don’t even like him like that!”
Izuku wanted to… to what? Burst into tears? Scream in joy? Run to Kacchan’s room and confess before anything else could take his Kacchan away from him?
He didn’t know.
All he did for far too long was stare at Kirishima like a gaped fish. When he finally got the sense to close his mouth, he opened it again a second later. “But… he’s always blushing around you…”
Kirishima sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. “Nah, nah, that’s- we were talking about something that got him embarrassed, is all!”
So that’s what it was.
Suddenly, Izuku felt very stupid. The vice around his heart coiled even tighter, baring its thorns inwards instead of outwards, piercing him again, and again still.
He was hurting; he felt as if he was being ripped to shreds.
Kacchan was hurting, too, if Kirishima was to be believed.
And there was no reason not to believe him, Kirishima would never lie about something like this.
If Kacchan was happy, Izuku was happy.
Izuku was the only one who could make Kacchan happy, at least at this point in time.
He was ready to be Kacchan’s hero.
The door to Kacchan’s dorm was unlocked, and all the lights were off inside. If the lump on the bed was any indication, Kacchan was curled up under the covers.
No wonder Kirishima was worried.
“Go away, Shitty Hair.” Kacchan’s voice was muffled and tired, and it broke Izuku to hear his Kacchan sound so defeated. He took a deep breath and steadied himself, though.
“Actually… it’s me, Kacchan.” Izuku closed the door behind him- the light from the hallway must be bothering Kacchan’s eyes.
“Deku…?” Izuku could swear he detected hurt in his voice, and it was like he was punched in the stomach, all wind knocked out of him as he choked on the air itself.
“Yeah…” He walked over and sat on the bed- he hadn’t made the conscious decision to do so; it was as if he’d started moving on his own.
How nostalgic.
He placed a hand where he figured Kacchan’s head would be, letting it rest as he thought of his next move.
Was Kacchan shaking under those blankets, or was Izuku just imagining it?
He didn’t know.
“Hey, Kacchan… remember when we were kids, and there was that one gachapon of All Might figures? We spent all our money trying to get that rare gold one, and we didn’t even get it?”
Izuku let out a light chuckle at the memory- Kacchan had more money than he did, and Izuku comforted him each and every time he got a figure that wasn’t the rare gold one.
“And then I had an army of All Mights,” Kacchan’s muffled voice said, thankfully not sounding as defeated as before- Izuku doubted he would be able to take much more of hearing that sort of emotion from his Kacchan.
He smiled- even though Kacchan wouldn’t be able to see it- and chuckled. “Yeah, you did! And your All Might army always beat my All Might army because you had more of them!”
He heard light, muffled laughter coming from under the sheets, and it was like life was being returned to Izuku- he couldn’t stop himself, he enveloped the Kacchan-lump into a tight hug, making him freeze.
Izuku knew he was overstepping, he knew Kacchan was about to push him off and chase him out of his room, explosion after explosion coming from his palms as he pursued him.
Kacchan’s head poked out of the blanket nest, and he was looking straight at Izuku.
That’s funny. In this dark light, Izuku could swear his Kacchan’s eyes looked puffy.
But there was no way they would be.
“The hell are you doing, Deku?” There was no bite to those words like Izuku expected there to be. All that was, was genuine confusion, and perhaps a twinge of something unidentifiable.
“You’re upset, Kacchan. I’m helping.”
“Don’t need your fucking help.”
Izuku couldn’t help it, and ran his fingers through Kacchan’s hair. His eyes drooped a little, and he made the smallest of noises in contentment, but Izuku had picked up on it anyway.
“Kacchan, what’s wrong? It’s not like you to be like this!”
“None of your business. It’s not your problem, Deku.”
“I’m a hero, Kacchan!” His voice was steadily rising, but he didn’t care. “I’m supposed to help people! You’re my friend, I care about you, so it is my problem! Do you know how much it hurts to see you like this? Look at you-! You’re miserable right now, Kacchan!” He could feel tears welling up in his eyes again. “Do you really think I’d just let you suffer like this?”
Kacchan’s eyes glanced away from him, focusing on nothing in particular. “I let you suffer, though.”
“Is that what this is about, Kacchan? You apologized! I accepted it! Are you really beating yourself up about it, even now?”
Izuku’s tears dripped onto Kacchan’s face, who flinched at every droplet.
“God, fuck- look at yourself, Deku. I did that- an apology doesn’t mean jack shit if I keep hurting you every time we talk!”
“I’m upset because YOU’RE upset, Kacchan!” Izuku cupped Kacchan’s cheek, and lifted his head to look at him- a little forcefully, albeit, but it was a necessity. “Look at your self! You’re a wreck! That’s why I’m upset! Not just because I’m talking to you! Kacchan, I hate seeing you like this! I hate seeing you upset! We’re fine now, everything is fine, I- you- we’re fine, Kacchan…”
Kacchan was still trembling- maybe, Izuku still couldn’t tell- as he brought a hand out of the blankets, to place it on top of the hand Izuku cupped his cheek with.
“Kacchan…?” Izuku gently stroked his cheek with his thumb, eliciting another content noise, and- was Kacchan leaning into the touch?
“Stop it, Deku. Go away and mind your own business.”
“But Kacchan, you like this, why do you want me to go away?”
“It’s- fucking- none of your business!”
“Yes it is!”
“Deku!” Kacchan finally, finally bristled, finally stopped sounding so defeated. “Do you have- any fucking idea what you’re doing to me?”
Doing to him? Was Izuku hurting his Kacchan even more than he was already hurt?
“What am I doing, Kacchan?” The tears were spilling over faster now as he cupped Kacchan’s other cheek with his other hand. “Tell me, please! Tell me!”
“Fuck, Deku, I-” And with a flurry, Kacchan threw the blankets off himself and enveloped Izuku into an embrace, burying his face into the crook of Izuku’s neck, just as Izuku himself had done to Kacchan.
He still smelled like caramel; so sweet, and so comforting.
Izuku could feel Kacchan’s shaky breaths against his neck, could feel his tremors as he hugged him and pulled him closer.
“You. The fucking way you make me feel, Deku- and I can’t do shit about it, it just- fuck-”
Kacchan pressed his face into Izuku even more, and Izuku felt alive, yet dead.
“I love you.”
It had just come out.
It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Wasn’t supposed to happen at all. Izuku never, ever wanted Kacchan to be even more compromised for the sake of making himself feel better.
“Don’t fucking lie to me just to make me feel better.”
Izuku grabbed Kacchan’s shoulders and pushed him away, firmly holding onto him as he stared directly into those bright red eyes he loved so much. “I’m not lying, and I would never lie about something like this, Kacchan! Never! I’ve loved you for so long, I- I kept it to myself because why would someone so amazing ever want to be with me? And then I had a chance to be equals with you, and maybe I could have a chance but- you still didn’t like me, but then we talked, and I thought maybe now I could do something, but then you- you started ignoring me and I-” Izuku was choking on his words, sobs coming out before intelligible sounds. “-I couldn’t- I didn’t know what to do- I-”
“Deku, Deku, oi, look at me- look at me-” Kacchan cupped Izuku’s cheeks in his hands, wiping away his tears with his thumb- which had the opposite effect, ironically, as such a tender touch drove Izuku to be more emotional than he already was.
“You- fuck, I was ignoring you because I liked you! I couldn’t do shit without apologizing first, so I hung back ‘cause it just- fuck, it hurt seeing you- there! Is that what you fucking want from me? Do you know how long I spent talking about that shit- about you- to Shitty Hair?”
Izuku couldn’t help but grin, a weak laugh escaping him. “That was why you were blushing so much around him…?”
“Fuck you, Deku, I don’t blush!”
“Sure you don’t, Kacchan…” He sniffled, and wiped away his tears. “You know, you looked really cute when you were blushing…!”
Even though there was no way to see in the darkness of Kacchan’s room, Izuku was sure that he was blushing at that very moment.
“Shut the hell up, Deku!”
“Make me, Kacchan!”
Izuku knew his Kacchan loved a good challenge, and would do anything to win it- so when Kacchan crashed their lips together in a deep, passionate kiss, Izuku was less than surprised.
It tasted sweet, and it felt as if there were sparks travelling between them, and it was everything Izuku had ever wanted and more. His heart swelled and he broke the kiss, only to pepper many kisses on Kacchan’s face, over and over and over again; he was so alive with love that it couldn’t be contained anymore.
Not now, not ever.
“Ohmyfuckinggod Deku-” Kacchan was absolutely blushing, Izuku was sure of it, he could feel the heat on his face as he kissed him.
“Hey, I’m just following directions! I didn’t talk a single time!”
Kacchan smirked at him, wrapping his arms around him once more. “Shut your damn mouth and keep following directions then, Deku!”
And Izuku gladly obliged, heart full to bursting, overflowing with love that flowed out of him as he pulled Kacchan, his Kacchan, into another kiss.