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It had been a quiet day from Muriel- which wasn’t too unusual in and of itself. Though, his silence felt different. It wasn’t comfortable- it was more… Somber, but emotions didn’t come off all that well with Muriel, so it was hard to get a read on it.
He’d also spent most of the day outside- and didn’t invite you to come with him, as he usually would. While you were okay giving him space- you were still concerned, and decided to go check on him.
When you walked out, you noticed him sitting alone on a stump. He wasn’t whittling- he was just… sitting . You noticed that he was running one of his hands over one of the larger scars on his chest, while staring off into the sky. You took a step back, deciding it’d be better not to bother him right then.
Muriel eventually came inside, a basket of eggs under his arm, along with some veggies that he’d most certainly grown himself. It was getting close to dusk, so he began preparing dinner.
You oh so badly wanted to offer to help, but you knew he’d just turn you down, so you just watched from afar, snuggling up to Inanna. Muriel had finished, he made a sort of soup, offering you a bowl silently. You thanked him, and ate in the awkward silence.
It became suffocating. You knew something was wrong, but you couldn’t figure out what- or how to fix it. Should you leave? Should you stay and try and help?
You decided the best course of action would probably be to ask.
“Hey, Muriel…” You stood beside him, but kept your distance. “Are you… Okay?” You asked.
Muriel seemed almost annoyed at your question, but that only lasted a split second, before he softened his features. “I’m fine.” He said firmly, turning his attention away from you. You could tell he was receding, trying to avoid you. You sighed softly.
“Muriel…” You spoke more firmly. “You… Ah… It just…” You didn’t know how to approach this. “You seem… Distant.” You said, a soft sigh at the end of your words. Muriel met your eyes again, this time with a more guilty expression. “I don’t know why, and it’s okay if you need space, but… I’m worried about you.” You glanced off. “I… I can go, if you need some time alone.”
It was silent for a moment.
“I…” Muriel began. “...Don’t want you to leave.” You let out a sigh of relief.
“I… I just feel…” Muriel seemed to be searching himself. “... Broken .” He said.
Your heart ached for him. You took a few steps closer, and reached your hands up to gently stroke his face. He sighed and leaned into the touch.
“You’re not broken…” You reassured. “You’ve been through a lot, but you’re still here…”
“But I’ve done a lot…” Muriel averted his gaze. “A lot… Of bad things… That left me with…” He brought a hand up to one of the scars along his chest. “ These…” Pain coated the last word.
“Muriel…” Your tone was soft, trying to bring him comfort. “You did what you had to to survive…” You said, stroking his cheeks with your thumbs. “And those are just proof of all you’re overcome… All you’ve lived with… All you’ve been through.” You stepped closer. “You’re not broken.” You said again. “You’re strong. You’ve made it so far, and I’m so proud of you.” You smiled.
“You shouldn’t be.” He took a step back. You let him, but didn’t drop your hands. “I… I’m…” Words failed Muriel.
“You didn’t want to do those things… I know you didn’t.” You said. “And I know nothing I could ever say would take away the guilt you feel for those things. It’s something you’ll always carry with you…” You gently took his hands in your own. “But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve happiness. You can’t change the past, but you can dictate your future. And… Your future should be a happy one, Muriel.”
Muriel hesitated, then shook his head. He pulled his hands away from yours, bringing them to his face. He was crying. Pain seared through your chest at the sight, and it took all your willpower not to hug him right there.
Muriel let out a shaken sigh, trying to compose himself, but it didn’t work. He was receding into himself, frantically wiping his tears, but despite that, he didn’t step away. He stood in that same spot, breaking down in front of you.
“I just..!” He took a deep breath in. His shoulders were shaking. He tried to meet your gaze, but he couldn’t hold it for long. “I’m… I’m sorry.” He choked out, more tears rolling down his cheeks.
“It’s okay, Muriel…” You didn’t know what he was apologizing for- for crying, for what he did in the past? It didn’t matter to you. You wanted to comfort him. “ It’s okay. ” You said again, almost at a whispered level.
Muriel inhaled shakily, and slowly moved into your space. You wrapped your arms around him, holding him tight against you. As you held him, Muriel’s hands buried themselves in your hair, and he sobbed . He didn’t conceal his emotions in this moment. His face was wet with tears, his breathing was ragged and uncontrolled, and his whole body seemed to shake.
“I didn’t want to.” He said, voice trembling. “I didn’t want to do those things.” His hands balled into fists, but he was careful not to pull your hair. “I’m sorry.” He repeated. “ I’m so sorry. ” His voice was strained, trying to talk through the tears. “Y-You shouldn’t have t-to see me like this…” He said, but made no attempt to move away. “ I’m sorry .”
You hushed him, running a hand up and down his back. “It’s okay, Muriel. I’m happy to be here for you. I love you.”
Muriel’s next sob came out a little louder, as he buried his face against your neck. He held you desperately, as if you could be pulled away from him at any moment.
“I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.” You reassured, hugging him a little tighter. “Don’t worry.”
Muriel held you for a long time, his sobs slowly subsiding. After so long, he was still sniffling a bit, but for the most part, had collected himself.
“...Thank you. For being here with me.” Muriel whispered. You smiled up at him, meeting his gaze.
“Of course.”
Muriel pulled away just enough to observe your face. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t.
“Let’s lay down?” You suggested. Muriel nodded, and you held his hand and tugged him over to the bed.
He laid down on his back, and you sat next to him, looking down at his face. He looked concerned. “Is something…?” He was interrupted by you leaning down, and pressing a kiss to the scar on his forehead.
“I love you.” You said softly. “ All of you.” You began slowly trailing kisses down Muriel’s face, all the way down to the scar on his left cheek. You kissed that one too. “Even your scars. The ones on your body-” Then moved to the ones on his shoulders. “And the ones on the inside.” You stopped there, then smoothing your hands down the ones on his chest. You could tell by the blush on Muriel’s face if you kissed any lower, he’d get way too flustered, and that wasn’t the point you were trying to make this time.
You pressed a kiss to his lips, before caressing his cheek. “I love you.” You told him. “I love you very much.” You reiterated. “And you’re beautiful to me.”
Muriel’s hands came up to your back, pulling you down on top of him in a firm hug. He let out a heavy sigh. “I love you too… Thank you.”