Work Text:
"I want something to go right. Just once. Just..."
He trailed off as Shepard slowly stepped closer. She raised one hand and placed it over the scars "Archangel" cost him. Garrus visibly relaxed, his shoulders dropping as he exhaled. They both leaned forward until their foreheads rested upon each other.
"I know what you mean, Garrus. I understand that..." Shepard spoke softly, watching him as he trailed his fingers along her arm, as if exploring the landscape. Her hand dropped to his upper arm.
"...but seeing as we're both new at this, I don't want to set the bar too high." His eyes met hers as she continued, "I mean, even same-species intercourse can be awkward sometimes, right?"
Garrus raised his head and chuckled. "That's a fair point."
"Even if this is confusing, or even uncomfortable at first... I still want to see it through." Shepard smiled and Garrus was amazed at the amount of confidence and calm he saw there. "Are you with me?" she asked, but they both knew the answer.
"Shepard, in less than 48 hours we're going on a suicide mission to assault the Collector base. You should know by now that I will see anything through... with you."
Suddenly Shepard smirked, and Garrus wondered if he'd said the wrong thing.
"Out of curiosity, which is more intimidating between this or that?" she asked, narrowing her eyes and grinning wide.
"I'll tell you after we survive both," Garrus replied with just the right amount of optimism. Shepard laughed.
"Come on. Let's pop open this bottle of 'vigilante salary'."
Garrus watched her saunter to the sofa in the corner of the room and begin preparing the drinks. Once again he was struck by how easy she made, well, just about everything look. He knew she had flaws and made mistakes, but it was still as if she owned the night, the moment, every moment she was in.
But he was also in this moment with her, and many others prior. And so many of those had felt... instinctive. Easy. Natural.
He suddenly realized she was watching him watching her. After a brief pause he dismissed his nerves with a chuckle, relaxed his shoulders, and moved forward to take a seat next to her on the sofa.
"Did I ever tell you what happened when my squad on Omega found out that I was with you when you stopped Saren?" he asked, flashing an easy grin. His casual charm finally replaced his forced efforts.
"No, I don't think you have," Shepard replied, unabashedly shortening the gap between them. They were about as close as they could be while still allowing room for them to sit facing each other. "But I think I'd very much like to hear." She took a drink and Garrus might have imagined it, but he thought he noticed her also visibly relax as they settled into comfortable conversation.
He picked up his drink, draped his arm across the back of the sofa, and dove into the story, letting himself be comfortable with the fact that they were sitting closer than they ever had before.
Besides, the moment was just as much his as it was hers.
*****
"My squad was only me and three other people at this point, and we happened to be out for drinks on the year anniversary of your KIA status declaration. A vid started in the bar showcasing you and your career's highlights.
"Sensat, a particularly perceptive salarian who I think spent time in STG, noticed me getting... uncomfortable. The Normandy still felt like the closest thing to a home I had, and I had a lot bitterness over losing it still." Garrus stared into his drink as he continued. "Obviously I know it wasn't mine... but for whatever reason, it felt personal."
Shepard rested her hand on Garrus's leg for a moment, drawing his gaze back up. "I'm glad we both got the Normandy back. At least, in SR-2 form."
"It wouldn't be the same without you, Shepard, you know that," Garrus pointed out. "I've been lucky. At that time I never would've imagined getting the opportunity to sit up here with you."
Shepard smiled knowingly and reminded him, "We've all been lucky. Continue with your story."
"Right. So... Sensat was paying close attention to me. Then realized it had to do with the vid, so he started watching that. Pretty soon Weaver, a young human guy, and Grundan Krul, a batarian, were following his gaze. Then I got even more uncomfortable.
"None of them had put two and two together yet. I mean, they knew my name, but my name doesn't come up in your news stories very often. You'd have to look for it. And so much time had passed, they just... didn't make the connection. I think Sensat could've easily looked into my background if he wanted, but I think he held back because he didn't want me looking into his background. We had an unspoken agreement. The other two just didn't care.
"A bar in Omega would be the worst place for people to find out that I had been allied with you. You were known for... noble acts. I needed to blend in more than that among the thugs.
"I tried to think of some conversation to start or comment to make to distract them, but I was too busy paying attention to the vid myself and getting lost in unresolved... issues.
"Then it happened. In one of your interview scenes, there I was, clearly standing not far behind you. Sensat knew immediately but didn't even look at me. Grundan Krul looked at me and then didn't look away, just studying me with a new perspective.
"Weaver..." Garrus sighed. "He was far from my favorite human, I'll just state that outright. I liked Fist better than him." He took a good drink and shook his head.
"Weaver kept looking at the screen, then to me, to the screen, then to me... you could see the realization hit him as he wrapped his head around it. He was drunk, but he was always a little obnoxious and stupid, even when sober. He reached across the table and slaps me on the shoulder and says, 'Garrus, why didn't you tell us you rubbed elbows with the hottest soldier in the galaxy?!'"
Shepard nearly spit out the drink she was in the middle of. "That's... not what I was expecting," she mumbled, wiping at her lips.
Garrus blinked. "You don't get that a lot?" he asked.
"Certainly not to my face," Shepard replied. "...why did you think I get that a lot?"
"Well..." Garrus rubbed the back of his neck. "I heard it a lot. From other males talking about you. Typically human. But it makes sense that you wouldn't hear it to your face."
"Because I'm so intimidating?" Shepard asked, raising a brow.
"Because people remember what respect is when they meet you," Garrus replied seriously.
"So, because I'm intimidating," Shepard chuckled. Garrus just shrugged. "Anyway, what did you do?"
"I did the first thing I thought of. I picked up a bottle and chucked it across the bar. It came dangerously close to a human's head who fell backwards in surprise and landed in a krogan's lap. The krogan picked the guy up and slammed him on a table, and then another bottle flew from somewhere back towards our table, and eventually it was chaos."
"A bar fight, Garrus? Really?" Shepard chuckled.
"We barely made it out of there," Garrus reminisced, seeming more amused than embarrassed as he took another drink.
"So that saved your cover, but it was too late for your team, right?"
Garrus nodded. "Yeah. After we made it back to base I confirmed their realizations and stressed that I preferred if they didn't spread it around. Sensat asked about what it was like fighting with you. You made a difference, and I think he admired you for that. It inspired him, which is another common effect you have on people."
"I may have heard that before," Shepard said modestly, shrugging and fussing with a piece of hair that had fallen out from behind her ear. She missed a strand and, without thinking, Garrus lifted his hand and tucked it back for her, but let his hand linger. Then, also without thinking, he exclaimed, "Spirits, is human hair always this soft?!"
Shepard laughed at the dumbfounded expression on his face. "I have heard that one before too, actually," she said.
Garrus jerked his hand back, clearing his throat. "Sorry," he offered quickly, unsure if he had done something stupid.
"Don't apologize, it's a compliment. Thank you," she assured him. "I may have purchased some extra fancy conditioner recently to spoil myself, and in anticipation of... tonight."
"Oh!" Garrus relaxed but also made note that she had anticipated this evening. He sat up a little straighter. Then he got curious and asked, "Who else has complimented your hair?"
"Oh, every time I get it cut the stylist makes at least one comment." Shepard put her drink down then reached back and released the bun her hair was in, allowing it's full length to be seen. She ran her hands through it as she continued, "Taking care of my hair helps me feel a little more... feminine, I guess. It balances out the dirt and sweat and metal I spend my life surrounded by."
Garrus was watching her hair as if mesmerized. He hadn't ever seen it completely down, and it was like a new version of her. One he was eager to see more of.
"As you know, turian skin is far from soft. Because of that even our blankets and clothes have to be durable. I'd shred some of your human blankets in a matter of days." This time with care, he reached up and gently ran his hand through her hair, then suddenly looked concerned. "I won't shred you, will I?"
"I'll let you know if I'm about to sustain any injuries," Shepard reassured him, smiling slyly. "Feel free to get accustomed to my hair, but tell me more about how your squad reacted," she reminded him. Even though they both knew what they planned on doing that night, they couldn't resist conversation. Sharing stories and creating new ones was a big part of what came naturally to them.
"Right," Garrus agreed. He kept brushing one piece of her hair but continued with his story.
"Grundan Krul didn't say much, but then again he never did. Weaver, again, being obnoxious, asked me all kinds of questions. I tried to give the simplest answers possible but he kept thinking of new ones. At that time I didn't know you as well as I do now, but he seemed to think I knew all kinds of intimate details about your... personal life. I eventually shut him up by insisting that I respected and admired you as any decent soldier wanting to make a difference in the world should. Sensat toasted to that and I took advantage of the opening to leave them for the night.
"When the squad grew, Weaver was the first to tell the new recruits about my connection to you. Every now and then he'd kind of get on a tangent and take it too far..." he drifted off. Shepard raised an eyebrow and waited expectantly.
"Well, one night we were all perched as lookouts preparing to ambush this Eclipse leader. I was armed as were a couple others, but most of the team was just being a discreet pair of eyes. Weaver swore he was sober, but I think he may have gotten too close to some red sand we confiscated or something.
"He started chatting up the line, talking about how I was lucky I even came close to, well... an opportunity to be intimate with you. Except he used much less polite terms..."
Shepard rolled her eyes. "Don't worry, I know how some human males can get when it comes to women, especially women soldiers. I may not have heard them talking about me, but I've heard them talk before."
Garrus cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Right... So, anyway, he kept going with ridiculous scenarios, and it got bad enough that I left my position... Without telling anyone I simply walked to somewhere I had line of sight to his lookout post..."
Shepard's eyes widened. "You didn't..."
"I did," Garrus nodded, a mischievous gleam in his eye. "I had my sniper but I also had a silenced Carnifex with a scope. Right in the middle of his sentence I planted a bullet two inches from his head. Everybody on the comms heard him yelp and fall over."
Shepard chuckled and Garrus was thrilled she appreciated the antics, so he continued.
"I don't even remember exactly what I said to him. Something along the lines of forbidding him to speak of you ever again. The comm was silent as I walked back to my post until Grundan Krul notified me that the Eclipse leader had come and gone, undetected due to my lapse in vigilance. No one blamed me. They knew better than to get under my skin at that moment. It was rather anti-climactic, but I simply dismissed everyone with the assurance that we'd get another chance. It was business as usual the next mission."
"You really took the task of defending my honor seriously," Shepard remarked.
"Well... it's like I told you before. There's no one in the galaxy I respect more than you," Garrus replied.
"Mmm." Shepard was thoughtful, then suddenly smirked. "Although, what if Weaver was actually seeing the future, eh?"
Garrus's imagination started to play with that idea and he felt his pulse quicken with anticipation. "Indeed, and here we are about to fulfill it..."
Shepard chuckled. "Did he really never speak of me again?" she asked.
"No one did," Garrus confirmed. "Well, except for once. A couple days before the team... before we were betrayed, Sensat approached me, unreasonably excited. He told me there were rumors you were alive and shooting. Whispered things from your missions with Cerberus, I imagine. We actually had quite a disagreement over it. I told him that was impossible, ridiculous, and foolish. He felt I was being too closed-minded and committed to disappointment. I asked him how anyone could possibly beat death and he didn't have an answer. So I told him I didn't want to hear any more rumors until he had actual evidence."
Garrus rubbed the back of his neck. "You can imagine my surprise when you showed up in my scope. I swear I heard Sensat say 'There's your evidence!' from the grave."
Garrus took a drink, dismissing thoughts of his squad's final days. With as much turmoil as those deaths had caused him, Shepard was glad he was able to talk about it, if only for that moment. Garrus took a deep breath and as he exhaled he felt lighter. Perhaps talking about that was a good idea... but not now. He turned his attention to Shepard, deciding he had shared enough.
"Did you... ever think about seeing me again, when you got your life back?" he asked, finishing off his drink.
Shepard's eyes got a far away look. "I thought about every one of you when I got spaced," she said somberly. "I dreamt of every one of you before I woke back up." Garrus shifted uncomfortably and looked about to apologize, so Shepard continued before he could. "I visited a recently invaded colony. That was the first place The Illusive Man sent me. After that he said I needed a team, and he'd put together a roster. He was helpful enough to answer questions about all of your whereabouts when I asked..."
Shepard paused to finish her drink, then placed the empty glass on the table. Instead of turning back to face Garrus though, she turned away, then reclined back until her head was resting on his leg. Looking up at Garrus's face, she tried not to laugh as she watched him adjust to the new closeness. She continued on as if nothing were unusual.
"I asked about you last."
"Erm, last?" Garrus repeated, noticing the way her hair spread out across his lap. He couldn't help touching it again, brushing it to and fro.
"Yes, last. Liara had her studies. Tali had the flotilla. Wrex would always find something to do between mercenary work and Tuchanka. Kaidan, Chakwas, Joker and the rest of the crew would be taken care of by the Alliance. But you... I mean, you could go anywhere, but it was pretty clear you belonged here more than anywhere else."
"I won't argue that," Garrus said softly, and they met each other's eyes. There was a moment where nothing was said, but nothing needed to be said. Shepard reached up and gently grasped his hand that had been resting on the back of the couch. Both of them were unused to the feel of each other's skin, but they were quickly getting more familiar.
"At first I was frustrated," she continued. "The Illusive Man simply said they didn't know where you ended up, a lot of help that was. But now it's actually rather funny. I was so disappointed that you were seemingly unreachable, wondering how hard it would be to find you again, and the next thing I did was open up the dossier for one Archangel, highly recommended and with a note of urgency since he was top of the hit list on Omega."
Garrus laughed. "Did the dossier seem... familiar?" he asked.
"It was detailed enough for some part of me to suspect, but also vague enough for me to brush it off," Shepard replied, smirking and rubbing her forehead. "It mentioned sniping skills, some tech expertise, a sense of justice in an unjust world..." They both chuckled. "...but it seemed so improbable. Still, the feeling wouldn't leave me alone. Ultimately I realized it didn't matter what I believed, because Archangel was first on the list and I'd find out soon enough. I brainstormed some back up plans, even considered asking Miranda to dig up some intel on you after we dealt with the urgent dossiers.
"After meeting with Aria I nearly let myself get my hopes up. On the bridge, I caught a glimpse of your helmet as we made our way up and my gut was screaming that it was you. I told it to shut up with every shot. When I finally got up there and you sniped that last merc, I knew. I'd watched you take that same shot a million times before."
Turian expressions are subtle, but there was no mistaking Garrus's grin. "That excited to see me, were you?" he asked slyly, practically purring.
Shepard met his playfulness with utter seriousness. "Outside of Joker and the Normandy, you were the first piece of familiarity I got back. That's a big deal. I think some part of me thought I was still dreaming until you showed up. The Normandy is vital for anything I do, and Joker is vital for that... but you filled a big void I was definitely feeling."
"And what void was that?" Garrus asked, undeterred and still grinning.
"Well... a lot of things," Shepard began. "For one, a gun at my side that I knew was skilled and loyal for a reason other than 'Cerberus told me to'. Cerberus may have given me your dossier but you offered way more than a mercenary's contract. You know me better than any of the Cerberus crew, which makes a lot of things much easier. Little things, too, like helping me perfect my weapon mods. And talking with you off the battlefield, sharing moments like this, it's... easy, it's..."
"Natural," Garrus finished for her. Shepard laughed, catching him off guard.
"Biology might need some convincing later," she pointed out. Garrus started to laugh then cleared his throat.
"We'll work on that," he assured her.
"Promises, promises..." Shepard teased. Garrus shrugged and flared his mandibles in a grin.
"We are quite a force to be reckoned with, don't you think?" Shepard asked him.
"You are, for sure," Garrus replied, nodding. "I mean, you're THE Commander Shepard. I'm just along for the ride and making sure you've got what you need to get the job done, and done stylishly."
"Well..." Shepard began with a laugh. She let go of his hand long enough to sit up and nestle herself under his arm, taking his hand again to drape it around her shoulders. She leaned in close and smiled up at him.
"THE Commander Shepard certainly needs her Garrus Vakarian for that."
Garrus brought his other hand up to her cheek, resting it there gently as he leaned forward and their foreheads came together again. His voice was low and soft when he next spoke.
"Her Garrus Vakarian is delighted to serve."
*****
Many hours later, Garrus sat up in Shepard's bed. The aquarium on the wall supplied the room with dim lighting and a hum of white noise. He gazed at her sleeping form and exhaled heavily, as if still unbelieving that he was actually there, in that moment.
Shepard's hair was everywhere, her face half-hidden in the pillow. Garrus resisted the urge to smooth her hair out, knowing it may wake her. She wasn't quite snoring but her breathing was heavy and her arms were tightly clasping the blanket.
He looked at the time. There were still many hours before muster for the mission. He wondered whether the rest of the crew was sleeping as well as Shepard appeared to be.
Probably not, he thought with more than a little pride. He stood up and quietly located his pants and put them on. He picked up his shirt and spent nearly twenty minutes looking for his visor before giving up.
Taking a moment to be sure Shepard was still asleep, he retrieved her personal terminal and took it with him as he sat down on her couch. He propped it up before him, opening an app that would record video messages. He took one big breath and then pressed record.
"Shepard," he began, speaking quietly. "I didn't want to wake you. But I also didn't want you to get the wrong impression when you woke up. I thought I ought to get back to the main battery before any of the crew start stirring... you know, disrupt things as little as possible..." He paused, gazing in the direction of the bed. "...but I'll bet nerves have some of them up already. So, here I am, making sure you get the... right impression." He rubbed the back of his neck and exhaled heavily again.
"I want you to know I mean this in complete sincerity." He looked straight at the camera, eyes suddenly burning with intensity as if they could relay the importance for him.
"If somehow I don't make it through the mission, and this was my last night, it was the best night of my life.
"I wouldn't change a thing about it. Not even the part where your hair repeatedly got caught on my face plates," he laughed. He started pulling his shirt on as he continued. "Or when we realized Mordin's 'study material' had taught us plenty about each other's bodies but considerably less about how to actually work each other's clothes. Or when we couldn't help laughing... and then when things finally started to click and get... well, natural."
Garrus sighed and looked wistfully at the bed again.
"Spirits, I wish I were still asleep next to you..." After several seconds he cleared his throat and looked back at the camera.
"By the way, I, uh... seem to have misplaced my visor somewhere in here. I have a spare, so it's not that big of a deal, but let me know if you find it." He started fiddling with his hands.
"I meant what I said about being delighted to serve. Whether that looks like shooting bad guys, helping you finish off that drink, which I'm leaving here, by the way... unofficial debriefs, extracurricular activities, shooting even bigger bad guys... I think I've gotten pretty good at just about everything you've ever asked of me," he sat up straighter, smirking. "And opportunities to practice or show off are always welcome."
He looked at Shepard one more time. "You're magnificent, Shepard. Phenomenal. Sleep well. I'll be ready to roll at muster time."
With that, he leaned forward and stopped the recording. He stood up and spent 5 more minutes looking for his visor, another 3 watching Shepard sleep, then headed for the door, rubbing the back of his neck. The door slid open and he stepped out. Just before the door closed, quiet enough that Garrus thought he'd imagined it, there came a "See you soon, Garrus," from the bed.
He froze, unsure what to do, but the door was already closed. He shook his head, chuckled, and stepped into the elevator.
*****
Shepard stepped out of the elevator on the command deck and headed for the briefing room. She had taken a little extra time mentally preparing herself this morning and fidgeted with the way her armor was fitting as she walked.
As the door slid open she saw that her entire team had arrived before her, but she didn't feel self-conscious about it. She got there precisely when she meant to. A couple of her squadmates nodded in her direction, others continued quiet conversations. She caught Garrus's eye across the room. His replacement visor looked the same, but she knew it was not as upgraded as his main unit.
Shepard walked around the large table, choosing the side Garrus was on. Her expression gave nothing away... until the last moment.
Just before she passed him she paused and Garrus caught a subtle spark in her eyes. She held out her hand and instinctively Garrus did the same. He looked down and saw his main visor in his hand, and by the time he realized it she had already taken her place at the front of the room and her expression was all business.
If anyone noticed the exchange, they showed no sign of it. Shepard had already began speaking as Garrus cleared his throat to stifle his own smirk and discreetly traded the spare visor for his better one.