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The hum of the shuttle eased as it decelerated in its approach to the Normandy. Commander Shepard was sitting in her usual spot, one hand holding her helmet in her lap and the other bracing her forehead as she stared down at the rubber flooring. It was a quiet ride, even though both Jack and Garrus who accompanied her usually had something to say.
Horizon had been difficult for multiple reasons. Most missions didn't end in such an emotional rollercoaster for her.
Garrus sat across from her, observing the tension in her jaw and shoulders, his own mandibles twitching. He'd watched her shoulders slump and then become rigid as she talked with Kaidan, and he didn't blame her. He knew that questioning Shepard's integrity was one of the worst things you could do to her.
It was a foolish move if Kaidan valued their relationship at all, and completely unnecessary.
Shepard jerked upright as the shuttle entered the hangar bay and walked towards the door, eager to disembark.
How dare he? she thought. How could he? Was two years long enough for him to lose all faith in me?
The Kodiak powered down and the door swung open. She stepped off and headed for the armory to get unequipped.
"The Illusive Man is waiting for your debrief," EDI announced.
"I'm sure he is," Shepard grumbled. "I'll get there when I'm ready. He can wait a little longer."
"Yeah, stick it to the man," Jack mocked enthusiastically. Shepard ignored her and began removing her armor with a bit more force than normal. Jack casually placed her weapons into the locker than headed to the elevator with the shuttle pilot.
Garrus stood nearby, taking his usual care and time with getting his armor and rifle secured. Shepard noted that he was unusually quiet but was too busy with her own thoughts to catch his careful glances. He didn't have the slightest idea how to help her, but felt he should be available somehow.
Shepard didn't want to go talk or even try to relax in a shower. Her muscles wanted to physically work through her frustrations, despite the taxing mission they'd just returned from. Stripped down to just her simple under armor clothing, she figured she might as well do just that.
One corner of the hangar bay was set up like a small gym. They didn't have much in the way of equipment, but there was at least foam flooring and several towels that were regularly cleaned and available for use.
Shepard made her way towards that corner and tugged on the bun keeping her blonde hair back, letting it fall, but then quickly wrangling it back into a ponytail as her mind raced.
Kaidan has no idea what's at stake. Does he think I'm just making decisions carelessly? Doesn't he know my judgment is what's gotten me this far?
Garrus watched her go, then focused back on his own armor. It was unusual for her to be using the gym area after a mission. He rarely caught her there, since they were often so busy, but he also suspected that she tried to go when it was empty. Much of the rest of the crew wasn't very comfortable with her yet.
But he was.
So much of the formalities that had existed during his first time on the Normandy had dissolved between them. He didn't know exactly why; maybe it was his time on Omega or her time being dead giving them both new perspectives, maybe it was that Shepard was no longer trying to represent the Alliance in her interspecies relationships, or maybe they both just desperately needed a friend. Whatever it was, their relationship was getting more and more casual and comfortable.
And casual and comfortable are exactly how he looked as he also approached the gym area, sporting his black spandex-like bodysuit. Shepard glanced up at him, sitting on the ground with her legs straight in front of her, bent in half as her fingers reached past her toes.
Garrus always forgot how small her body was compared to her prowess. Her presence largely overrode any perceived shortcoming in her size. Even then, folded on the floor before him, he could sense her sharp mind and skilled physique, assessing the perceived threat of Kaidan's words.
Some had even been directed at himself, but he had little relationship with Alenko to be damaged. Shepard had a lot more at stake, and a lot more lost.
"Mind sharing the space?" he asked her.
"I don't want to talk about Horizon," Shepard replied, a little harsher than she intended.
"I didn't plan to," Garrus shrugged easily, and stepped past her to find his own spot on the ground.
Shepard sat up and rolled her shoulders and neck, letting her eyes linger on Garrus as he found a suitable crate for box jumps. She felt a heavy exhale escape her.
Outside of Joker and Chakwas, Garrus is the only other person here who knew me before. How come none of them felt the need to openly question me?
Her brow furrowed as she dwelt on this. Garrus had briefly voiced concerns about Cerberus, but nothing about her personally. Was such loyalty a turian-specific trait? Hadn't I earned at least a little with Kaidan, after we had been so close?
Her train of thought slowly slipped away as she watched Garrus launching himself upward and landing solidly over and over. Instead she found herself observing the similarities and differences in turian anatomy compared to humans. She could see more clearly than she ever had before which parts of his body were covered in skin and which were covered in the cartilage-like plating by watching his muscles flex...
How interesting...
Garrus didn't know how many box jumps he'd done, but he knew it was an unimpressive number, when his balance faltered after landing. He managed to regain it but only after flailing and waving his arms frantically.
Somewhere over his shoulder he heard Shepard snicker. By the time he stepped off the box and looked in her direction, she was looking straight ahead and beginning some sit ups. Still, he caught the corners of her mouth curled in a smile and the slight tremble of her rib cage as she stifled giggles.
"You're welcome for the entertainment," he said, adding over-the-top charm to his voice.
Shepard let her laugh be heard now and glanced at him with a smirk.
"I guess I didn't know what I was missing, doing all my workouts by myself," she teased.
"Well naturally I'd be my most ungraceful with an audience," he replied, rubbing the back of his neck.
"I'd rather you be embarrassed than intimidated by me," Shepard sighed, pausing her sit ups. "Most of this crew is either indifferent or afraid of me."
Garrus swiftly dropped into a push up position but paused there, looking at Shepard meaningfully.
"You don't scare me, Commander."
Shepard expected his tone to be light and joking, but it was earnest. He looked down and began doing his push ups and Shepard ended up staring at him again, wondering about his loyalty and also appreciating turian muscle mechanics.
"...I think I'm not used to having company," Shepard said after a few moments of quiet.
"I can let you be, if you'd like," Garrus offered, not stopping his reps.
"No. Let's do something together."
At that Garrus paused and looked up, his expression quizzical.
"Like what?"
"Like run," Shepard replied, standing up and stretching her arms. "I could use something steady to keep me focused."
"You mean a race?" Garrus asked, standing and stepping closer.
"Not for speed," Shepard corrected, smirking again. "Endurance. We can do laps and keep a moderate pace with each other until one of us can't anymore."
"Cardio?" Garrus said apprehensively. "Shepard, I'm a sniper. My super power is sitting still for long periods of time." Shepard laughed, undeterred. Garrus realized he didn't hear her laugh like that very often, but he wanted to.
"Hey, you just said you weren't scared of me, and now you're backing down from a challenge?" She patted his arm firmly as she walked past him and towards the wall. "Come on, Vakarian. You've got longer legs than me, you'll be fine."
Garrus sighed but then fell into place beside her.
"Go."
Garrus let Shepard set the pace. She knew that an easy jog would drag this out too long, so she settled somewhere between that and a full run. They stayed side by side, making circuits around the hangar, staying close to the wall.
Eventually both of them were breathing heavily. Shepard's muscles began to burn, already having been used extensively on Horizon. Part of her didn't care, but another part of her actually liked it. It felt cleansing somehow.
Having Garrus right next to her felt just like any of the multiple missions they'd been on. He'd always been good at following her signals and getting done what needed to be done. His reliability made everything that much easier.
Spirits, how does she make everything look so easy?
Garrus knew he wouldn't outlast her; now it was just a matter of putting in an honorable effort and not embarrassing himself. Unfortunately he didn't even know how to gauge that, considering they'd never tried to compare endurance before. He wasn't even sure how many laps they'd made; fifteen? Twenty-five? Eventually he felt his efforts to be sufficient.
"You know why I don't like running?" he panted.
"Why is that?" Shepard replied.
"Because I'm a firm believer that it should never hurt this bad just to breathe," he explained, and let his speed slow until he stopped, turning to lean his back against the wall.
Shepard kept going long enough to prove she could, then turned around to join him, looking pleased at her triumph.
Garrus didn't see what happened, but at the last moment something caused Shepard to stumble forward. Purely on instinct he reached out and they caught each other's forearms, preventing collision, but ending up with their bodies close.
He was suddenly aware of just how hard Shepard had been pushing herself. Her skin was hot, he could almost feel the blood pumping through her hands. She hadn't looked up but her forehead glistened with sweat and her breathing was heavy and loud.
"...are you okay?" he eventually asked, suddenly feeling uncomfortable but unsure why. His mandibles twitched. Shepard slowly straightened herself and stepped back, her hands that seemed so small trailing down his arm and then retreating. He searched her expression but it was unreadable.
"Yeah," Shepard muttered with a heavy exhale, grasping her own forearms as she folded them in front of her. "I'm not hurt, it was... just a weak muscle I guess." Garrus leaned back against the wall, still catching his own breath.
"Well, at least I had your back even when you left me in the dust," he replied.
"Why do you do that?" Shepard suddenly snapped. Garrus's mandibles flared at her tone, but he made himself calm down when he saw her furrowed brows. She was upset, yes, but more confused than anything. He took a deep breath.
"Do what, Commander?" he grunted, standing straight now and feeling defensive.
"Have my back," Shepard explained. "There's literally millions of other places you could be. What is it that keeps you here?"
"Er, well, anyone who's heard of the Normandy knows you're making history every other day," Garrus began, rubbing the back of his neck. He felt unsure about what she was looking for. "I think every soldier who wants to make a difference in the universe would be thrilled to be here."
"Not every soldier," Shepard scoffed, turning and pacing off to the side, rubbing her temples.
Oh, that's what this is about...
"Every soldier with a brain," Garrus retorted. Shepard turned back to face him, her expression a mix of surprise, indignation, skepticism, and amusement. He wasn't expecting such an expression to look so good on her. He held his hands up in front of him as if in defense as he continued.
"Look, maybe I should've said something to Kaidan's face instead of after the fact, and maybe it's something better left between the two of you..." He paused, dropped his hands, and squared his shoulders, continuing with a firm tone. "But all I know is there's no place I'd rather be. Being part of your team has gotten me on the front lines of the most important battles of our history. You're a brilliant battle master and we've had our share of fun times off the field as well. You're the most genuine, respectable person I've ever met, and you truly care about your crew and the people effected by your choices, even when it's a decision you wish you didn't have to make. And I don't understand why anyone else wouldn't see it that way too."
Shepard turned her head away, taking in his words, but Garrus had one last thing to say.
"The Normandy is home for me, for as long as you'll have me."
Shepard remained still, trying to catch up with her thoughts. They were no longer on Kaidan and the hurt. Instead she was now realizing even more how lucky she was and trying to remind herself that she did indeed deserve this level of loyalty.
Garrus wasn't sure what to do as she stood there, silent. He noted again her chest expanding and contracting, her lungs still catching up to the strenuous exercise. Human ribcages were so small... and her neck, so exposed without a cowl, not even covered by her bright hair that hung separately from her body. He wondered what it would look like if it wasn't being pulled back...
Then she was moving towards him, careful, almost sideways as she avoided his gaze. Something in the way she moved made his shoulders relax. Once she was close she looked up at him with a solemn expression.
"There's a lot more history, battles, and decisions to be made," she began quietly. "And hopefully some fun antics off the field too. I think Joker still deserves some pranks, and we haven't taught you all the variations of poker yet." She gained a half smile that almost seemed... shy? Garrus didn't know she was capable of feeling that way. Then she reached out and placed her hand on him, near where his cowl meets his chest, and he realized the feeling was contagious. He blinked but managed to keep himself from shifting, other than the rise and fall of his breath.
"I'm lucky I found you so soon after getting my life back, Garrus," she said, her gaze locking with his. Her heart was pounding and she knew some of it was her nerves. Emotional vulnerability was not near as common to her as physical vulnerability. She was fairly sure she was making Garrus uncomfortable as well, but he at least seemed to not be thinking too hard about it. Her own mind was racing as if formulating a new strategy for a mission. But, Shepard didn't retreat from new challenges, and she was enjoying feeling Garrus's breath.
"A lot of this has felt like a dream, but... you help keep me grounded," she continued. "Whatever the future brings, I'm glad to know you'll be there."
"O-of course, Commander," Garrus replied, clearing his throat and giving a careful nod.
Shepard's hand fell back to her side, and she smiled more confidently now.
"I'm going to go shower and then meet the Illusive Man," she announced. "Thanks for spending the time with me."
"Of course, Commander," Garrus repeated, sounding more confident as well. Shepard began to turn towards the elevator, but stopped halfway and locked eyes with him once more.
"And thanks for everything else."
"...you're welcome, Shepard."
She flashed a grin and then continued her way to the elevator. Garrus watched her disappear from view as she stepped inside and then listened to the doors whish closed. For a second he just stood there, replaying the conversation, unsure of what else to do.
He had nearly rumbled in his chest when Shepard was talking with her hand on him. He'd caught himself by clearing his throat. Such a response would've been inappropriate, wouldn't it...? It definitely wouldn't have been professional. Neither was studying her neck that closely...
Perhaps a shower was a good idea for him, too.
In the elevator, the doors opened to Shepard's cabin and she stepped out.
What just happened? What did I just do?
She went straight into her bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror as she pulled out her ponytail.
I probably shouldn't have touched him like that, she thought, but then snickered. But it was fun watching him get awkward.
She thought back to what he had said about why he chose to stay close to her.
What would happen if I let things get even closer?
She laughed as she stepped into the shower area, amused and intrigued by the idea.
It just might be worth finding out.