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Disaster Monopoly is slightly different from regular Monopoly.
For one, they play it on a Monopoly City board instead of a classic Monopoly board, though thats the mildest of the differences.
"But 200 at Pass Go has always — how come —," Wen Ning looks mournfully at the 50 note that Jiang Cheng passes him, raising it up to his eyes like it'll turn into a 200 if he blinks enough times.
HuaiSang pats his boyfriend's hand, surveying Wen Ning's two brown properties and single red property with a twinge of sympathy "We wanted to keep it close to real life,"
"Thats code for they wanted to make it as much of a pain in the ass as possible," MianMian scowls. Her expression softens at Wen Ning's sigh as he tucks the note into his stack of money "Don't worry Qionglin-xiong, I had trouble with the game at first too,"
"It's just the beginning," Wei WuXian consoles "Don't worry, values go up later, you'll make tons of money once you get the hang of it!,"
"Or —," Jiang Cheng gives Wei WuXian a pointed look " — you could embezzle the bank and make tons of money that way,"
"That was one time, Jiang Cheng! Let it go already!,"
Disaster Monopoly is indeed closer to real life. You don't automatically get 200 everytime you pass Go. That would be, in Jiang Cheng's words, dumb and unrealistic. They got ZiXuan to draw up a 'Pass Go' chart years ago, which analyses each asset and how much it contributes to your 'salary' when you pass Go.
Disaster Monopoly also doesn't kick you out of the game when you find yourself bankrupt. You just go to jail for as long as you're unable to pay your debts.This is exactly the situation Jin ZiXuan finds himself in after a particularly unlucky dice role on the premium properties side. HuaiSang sees his hands slow as he moves his little cruiseship, heading straight for Diamond Hills.
"Yes!," Wei WuXian nearly slams his mug of cocoa down in glee "Pay up, young master,"
"You know I have no money after Wen Ning's Middleton" he sighs, sorting through the handful of notes he has on him.
Wen Ning looks on the verge offering Jin ZiXuan back his money "Sorry, ZiXuan-xiong,"
"It's fine," ZiXuan sighs as he turns over his properties, tapping in the mortgage values on his phone and frowning at the total like his iPhone X just personally insulted his three-piece suit and told him his credit card was declined.
"Do you need a loan?," Lan WangJi (who is entirely too dignified for Disaster Monopoly, but will sometimes play banker for them if Wei WuXian asks him to) asks, his hand is already poised over the moneybox.
Jin ZiXuan sighs. HuaiSang laughs, settling back onto the couch. The loans were his idea, but the interest on the loans were all Jin ZiXuan. They used to have to raid the regular Monopoly box for spare money to loan out each time they played, but then MianMian found one of the credit card versions of Monopoly at a jumble sale, and they've been using the cards in their game ever since. In the true spirit of keeping the game as close to real life as possible, HuaiSang suggested they keep the paper money as well, just like one would keep cash and credit cards on their person. All pass Go salaries are granted by card, while all utilities and rent were generally paid by cash. Anyone needing extra cash could have the amount deducted from their card and exchanged for physical notes.
"Loan?," Lan WangJi asks again, eyebrows raised in question.
"No, thank you," Jin ZiXuan says, pushing his little cruiseship towards the corner box "I'll go to jail,"
Wen Ning's brows furrow slightly "But — if you're bankrupt then shouldn't —,"
"We don't kick you out if you run out of money" Jiang Cheng intercepts the question smoothly "Think about it. Do you die if you're bankrupt?,"
"Oh," Wen Ning says, then "No,"
"Exactly. But since you don't have a job in the game to get you money to pay off your debt, we let you keep 3 properties to generate income,"
"On the condition that they only have one house on them," HuaiSang supplies. Wei Ying argues his annual case for zero houses every Christmas, but Lan WangJi had pointed out last year that real properties need a place for residents to actually live.
Jin ZiXuan only clicks his tongue, coming round MianMian's side and nudging her over to scrutinise her neatly-arranged properties. She hands him the stack of notes in her hand and he sets about arranging it by colour, calmly counting them along the way.
"Who's turn is it?,"
"Mine," he passes Wen Ning his stuff, throwing the die onto the board.
Six.
"Yes!," MianMian's eyes light up when his tiny little Ferrari parks itself on her land.
"No," HuaiSang replies, turning to pluck a card out of the stack of notes he left in Wen Ning's hand.
"HuaiSang," MianMian howls, gazing mournfully at the 'Free Rent' card HuaiSang flashes her, his prize for winning the previous round "That's prime real estate. You owe me rent,"
"Sorry," he gives a helpless smile, not feeling very sorry at all. "Rules are rules,"
"You know damn well we pulled half the rules of this cursed game out of our asses,"
"Our pretty damn fine asses, which is why they're pretty damn fine rules for this train wreck of a game," Wei WuXian clicks his tongue "Well my pretty damn fine ass, and all your sub-par, garden variety asses.
.....
Getting home is the worst because it means he has to unpack all the groceries they bought and put the leftover casserole Jiang YanLi gave them into the fridge.
Getting home is also the best because he can drape himself over Wen Ning and make pouty faces at his boyfriend while said boyfriend unpacks their groceries and puts the leftover casserole Jiang YanLi gave them into the fridge.
"Later, A-Ning," he whines "Cuddle first,"
Wen Ning blushes, and even after two years of dating it's still the cutest thing HuaiSang has ever seen in his entire life.
"The food will go bad if we do it later," Wen Ning says "We can cuddle after,"
"No after," HuaiSang grips Wen Ning in a hug from behind, burying his face in his boyfriend's shoulder "Cuddle now,"
"Want kisses instead?,"
HuaiSang brightens "Oka—,"
Wen Ning pushes a packet of chocolate Kisses into his hands, nudging him towards the couch with a light touch and a tiny smile "Wait for me on the couch and we'll share, okay?,"
Right. Kisses.
"I can't wait for tomorrow," he flops onto the couch, unwrapping a chocolate and popping it into his mouth. "We can sleep in, plan for the cruise, order pizza for —,"
"Did you forget?," Wen Ning's head pops up from inside the fridge, green eyes wide and worried "Tomorrow is Jin Ling's birthday. They already invited us over,"
"Jin ZiXuan's house again? Thats the third time this week," he doesn't even bother to keep the whine out of his voice. Wen Ning comes over to join him on the couch, smiling softly.
"I don't want to go," HuaiSang pouts.
"Song ZiChen will be there," Wen Ning says "Jiang YanLi told me she invited him and his family. A-Qing will be disappointed if you're not there,"
" Now I really, really don't want to go," A-Qing seemed to take a special interest in pestering him with questions and demanding he let her braid his hair into pigtails. Xiao XingChen says its how A-Qing shows her love. HuaiSang prays he never meets the poor schmuck that earns her anger.
"It's just a few hours," Wen Ning says "You can play Monopoly again,"
"I hate Disaster Monopoly," he declares, flopping onto Wen Ning's lap and opening his mouth for a Kiss.
Wen Ning's soft smile is infinitely sweeter than the chocolate he pops into HuaiSang's mouth "You like winning it though,"
"I'm a simple man," he says, raising himself up to give Wen Ning a peck on the lips "All I want in life is to kiss my boyfriend, decimate my friends at Disaster Monopoly and eat birthday cake,"
....
The only bright spot in all this is that in less than two weeks Huaisang is going to haul ass away from his batshit crazy friends and cruise along the Carribean with his boyfriend of the last four years. Said boyfriend is currently wringing his hands as he watches MianMian arm-wrestling Wei WuXian for the last piece of Jin Ling's birthday cake. Huaisang doesn't know whether to be happy MianMian is winning or dig a hole and bury himself alive because this is what his life has come to.
Jin ZiXuan sits at the table between them, assesses their joined hands with the air of one reviewing the floor plans of a nuclear weapons base, then proceeds to push down on MianMian's side, slamming Wei WuXian's hand flat against the table.
"Cheater!," Wei Ying howls "You're both dirty, rotten cheaters!,"
"It's my house," ZiXuan raises an eyebrow. "And my cake. And my son,"
"It's my nephew's cake, you meanie," Wei Ying, a grown adult man, sticks his tongue out at them, and MianMian, a grown adult woman, does it right back. For what seems like the seventh time since morning, HuaiSang wonders who exactly in the room is turning twelve today.
MianMian halves the last piece of cake, grabbing another Sesame Street paper plate and handing ZiXuan half the spoils of the match. He accepts it with a polite incline of his head.
"This is why people team up against you," Jin ZiXuan says, not even bothering to look up from his cake "Like game night,"
"This is about Disaster Monopoly?! Your family owns half the city and you're bitter I outbid you for Mayfair?!,"
"You declared yourself banker, established your own private, seemingly limitless loan from the bank, and then made no move whatsoever to pay it back," Jin ZiXuan points out.
"That's smart financial planning,"
"No," Lan WangJi says, looking up from his intense game of Jenga with the children "That is criminal breach of trust. And possibly fraud. Definitely fraud,"
"The attorney has spoken, Wei WuXian," MianMian throws him a smarmy grin, licking the last bit of chocolate icing off her fork "How do you plead?,"
"I plead victimised," he huffs "Lan Zhan will save me, right Lan Zhan?,"
"Criminal breach of trust is punishable by a custodial,"
"You could plead insanity," MianMian suggests
Jiang Cheng snorts "I'll vouch for that,"
"Jiang Cheng!," Wei WuXian wails. "Bros before hoes!,"
"What did you call me, you punkass?!,"
"A-Cheng!," Jiang YanLi calls from the kitchen "Your muffins are ready,"
"Coming!," Jiang Cheng calls back. He comes back in purple lotus-patterned oven mitts, bearing a tray piled with chocolate chip muffins.
A-Qing, Lan SiZhui and OuYang ZiZhen immediately abandon their game of UNO to rush at Jiang Cheng, who bends down to let them pick a muffin each off the plate. JingYi and Jin Ling glare at each other, as if daring the other to be the first to leave the game. Jiang Cheng clicks his tongue, stuffing a muffin in each of their hands before passing the plate along he table for the rest of them.
"So?," he raises an eyebrow at them, setting the muffins down.
"So what?,"
Jiang Cheng clicks his tongue "Give me some feedback"
Wei Wuxian looks him up and down "Could use a new hairstyle. Bit of a potty mouth. A little cranky but in an old grandpa sort of way, which — ,"
An oven mitt comes sailing for Wei Wuxian's face.
HuaiSang loves his terrible friends.