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The morning sun filters through the blinds of the dining room.
It’s far too early to be awake. Especially when it took you over an hour to get to the compound. But there must be something important enough for Steve to summon you at this ungodly hour, so you suck it up.
You tap your fingers lightly on the table, while your other hand holds a steaming cup of coffee. The compound is desert; since the last mission everyone collectively decided to take a breather and enjoy some time away.
Sometimes it’s draining to be an Avenger.
Finally, you hear his heavy footsteps and soon enough the blond man enters the room.
“Steve Grant Rogers, you are so terribly late, and not only are you late, you made me wake up at the crack of dawn! How dare you!” you half joke- half mean it, pointing an accusatory finger at him.
He laughs heartily, along with his blue eyes, and you hate yourself for not being able to stay even fake-mad at him. Not when he smiles like that. Not when he looks like that, in blue jeans, leather jacket and a white shirt that does very little to conceal the muscles underneath.
“It’s 10 a.m., you know?” he says pointing at the clock on the wall.
“Well, yeah, but… it took me an hour to get here!” you reply, a bit flustered.
“You’re really not a morning person, are you?” he says as he ruffles your hair. “Come on, time to go.”
“Wait, where are we going? You haven’t told me. And I still haven’t finished my coffee,” you say with a pout.
He laughs again, that contagious laugh that could light up a room. God, you love him so much. And it breaks your heart that you probably will never have the courage to tell him.
“Take it to go doll. I think you’re gonna like this.”
Your heart skips a beat at the sound of the nickname, and you reluctantly get up from your seat and pour the coffee in a travel mug.
“So are we like… going on an undercover mission or something? Ohhh do we get new personalities? Can I choose my name? Wait wait I got it. I’ll be princess Consuela and you can be…mhh…”
“What? No, it’s nothing like that…Who’s princess Consuela?” he squints a little. It’s something he does whenever he doesn’t quite get a reference, and you find it completely endearing.
“Ughh sometimes I forget you weren’t around for the last 7 decades. You’re seriously behind on your pop culture references.”
“Well, we can fix that when we get back.”
“It’s a date,” you regret the words as soon as they come out, but it’s too late. He bites his lip trying to conceal the tiny smile that curled up his lips at the sound of your words.
Before he can respond you continue talking, desperately trying to change the subject.
“So if it’s not a mission what is it?”
He sees right through you and he doesn’t press further, so he simply responds, “You’re too impatient ma’am! It’s a surprise… And you’ll find out in about three minutes so…”
“Fineeeee I’ll wait.”
As you make your way out of the compound, the anticipation is killing you. Surprises are not really your thing. They’re a nuisance at best, in your line of work.
“So, are we taking the jet? To this mysterious location you’re taking me to?” you ask, trying to pry something out of him.
“We could, I guess. But we’re not going to.”
He’s resolved to make you wait until the last minute.
“Why not?”
“Because the journey it’s the important part, not the destination,” he says with an air of pretend wisdom.
“Where’d you read that? A bumper sticker?” you smirk at him.
“Maybe. But it doesn’t make it any less true.”
“You’re a dork,” you answer pushing him playfully. Of course you don’t even move him an inch.
“Just when you’re around. It’s contagious,” he says throwing a hand over your shoulder and shaking you lightly.
“I am a dork,” you admit nodding.
You’re nearing the door now and he stops suddenly in front of you and grabs you gently by the shoulders. You know he’s just being friendly but the stupid butterflies in your stomach are going insane, because they don’t care that he’s your best friend and that he could never feel the same way.
“Ok close your eyes,” he says looking right into your eyes, and you can’t help but get lost in the infinite blue of his.
“I might fall down you know?” you whisper.
“I’ll catch you,” he answers, effectively sending the butterflies in a frenzy inside of you.
“Will you?”
“Always,” he replies as he takes a loose strand of your hair and places it behind your ear.
“Okay.”
You close your eyes, and he takes your hand in his to guide you, completely unaware of what he has awakened.
“Remember how you told me once that your favorite childhood memories were of you and your family on road trips across the country?”
“Yes.”
It was strange how good memories could hurt too. It was a lonely business, being a superhero. But it felt less so when Steve was around.
“Well, I thought maybe you’d like to take one with me. Open your eyes.”
You comply, and you see a bright red pick up truck parked outside the compound. Your eyes widen and you open your mouth in surprise
“Are you kidding me?”
A shadow crosses his eyes, and his voice is cautions when he asks, “You don’t like it?”
You turn to him in disbelief. Of course that’s where his mind went. Because he doesn’t even know the things he does to you. Your eyes go glassy, and your voice betrays the emotions he stirs inside, but you don’t care, and you almost trample him as you throw yourself into his arms.
“I LOVE IT!!!! I can’t believe you remember that. Must have been years since I told you,” you said burying your head on the crook of his neck.
He remembered. Of course he did. He was freaking perfect.
“Of course I do. I remember everything,” he said quietly.
“Well, you’re annoyingly flawless. And you have a surprisingly good memory for a 100-year-old man.”
“Jeez, thank you,” he said rolling his eyes in feigned offense.
“Hey, I’m kidding. Thank you, this is amazing. Completely amazing.” You placed a small kiss in his cheek and he hugged you tighter in return. You weren’t the first to let go.
And off you went, in a bright red pickup truck, onto the road.
“So where to?” You ask him as you hop in to the truck.
“I thought for our first adventure, we’d go camping. I know a spot not far from here, maybe a couple of hours.”
“Shouldn’t we have like… camping gear or something?”
“Look in the back.”
The back of the truck was full to the brim with equipment. A huge tent, two full size hiking backpacks, blankets, and even a cooler.
“You sneaky little shit! Where’d you get all this stuff?”
“Language,” he jokes, throwing you a look but you know he’s not really offended. “Tony was nice enough to … facilitate the gear.”
“So how many people were in on this?”
“All of them, pretty much.”
“Well, you sure as hell can keep a secret.”
“Or maybe you’re just too oblivious,” he answers, poking you lightly on the ribs.
“That I might be,” you reply and poke him back. Deep down, he must be the oblivious one not to see the effect he has on you.
After driving for a couple of hours he finally turns onto a road, that eventually leads to a narrower path into the woods.
You drive a long way until you find a clearing. There’s a lake, and it shines pink and golden with the last rays of sun. The day has been pretty perfect. You don’t remember ever laughing so hard as you have today. You can only wish that life could be so simple. Truth is, being around Steve is as easy as breathing. And you fear that it might be as necessary for you.
He could probably never see you that way. So you’ll take what you can get, and honestly, it’s not that bad.
If it weren’t for those damn butterflies…
By the time the sun has set you still haven’t managed to put up the tent. In all honesty you’re not very good with this stuff. And apparently neither is he.
“Have you ever in your life even set up a tent? Wait…. Have you ever been camping?” you ask between laughs while you watch him struggle to connect the poles in the tent and growl in frustration.
“Of course I’ve camped. But, well, tents have changed since the 40’s you know?”
“You’re a soldier; you’re supposed to know all these survival stuff.”
“Ehhh I am a little rusty,” he mutters, throwing the poles into the ground.
“Yeah, I’d say. It’s fine. We can sleep in the car, we’ll try the tent tomorrow. Come on, let’s hop on, have a beer with me,” you say pointing to the hood of the truck where you’ve placed the cooler full of junk food, sodas and beer.
He nods in agreement and glances defeated at the tent.
The sky is dotted with sparkling stars, like tiny diamonds on a velvet blanket. The air is crisp, a bit chilly, but the beer in your hand and Steve’s jacket keep you warm enough to enjoy it.
So you sit like that for a while, enjoying the view, until you break the silence.
“Is it corny if I say that this is one of the top 5 moments of my life?”
“Totally corny. But I love it,” he answers.
The beer is going to your head and you’re scared of what you might confess with the right number of beers.
“Is not fair you know? It’s not fun to get drunk alone.”
“Well, I may or may not have sneaked out some of Thor’s Asgardian beverages.” He winks at you and produces a small flask from the back pocket of his jeans and takes a sip.
“I’ll tell you this Rogers, you’re sneakier than I thought. I like it!”
“I have my secrets,” he smirks and you could swear his cheeks are a bit pinker than they were a moment ago.
You feel warm inside and you don’t really know if it’s the beers or just being here with him, under the stars, but you lean on his shoulder, a big pleasant sigh escaping your lips.
“This is amazing. But how did you come up with this? Why now?”
“What day is it?” he asks.
“October… something?”
“6th. It’s your birthday.”
“Oh god, I totally forgot!”
“Happy birthday doll. Maybe you’d have preferred something fancier… but I thought this would be nice… simple and beautiful. Like you.”
You’re out of words, and you feel something hot brewing inside you, filling you, head to toes, and you almost can’t believe that this moment is real.
“I don’t want anything more Steve. All I want is for you to be okay.”
“What do you mean? I am okay,” he looks at you inquisitive.
“What I mean is… After that last mission… Steve I thought I’d lost you. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Don’t scare me like that again… You’re my best friend,” You say.
But I wish you were so much more, you think.
A silence falls upon you, and it’s heavy. Steve’s eyes are lost on the clear sky. He wants to find the words, but now that it’s time, his heart is a throbbing mess.
He doesn’t doubt his feelings. He merely fears the answer. Best friend, she said. But that wasn’t enough. Not anymore, not for him.
Then the crisp night air blows gently, sending shivers down his spine, and it carries a familiar song, and he chooses to believe that the universe is giving him one last push.
I don’t care where the hours go
I can live in the great unknown
As long as I have you
As long as I have you I’m home
He takes a deep breath, turning his blue eyes to you. He lifts your chin so that your eyes meet.
“This thing we do… it will always have risks. I can’t promise you that I will never scare you again. And you couldn’t promise it in return either.” He stops for a second and you can feel a thought brewing in his mind. You’re about to ask him about it but he continues, “This is probably the worst time to tell you this. And I am sorry for that. But it’s not fair to go on like this.”
Oh god. Your whole world is falling apart. He must know that you love him. He knows and he wants out.
“I am in love with you.”
To say that the statement caught you by surprise would be a massive understatement. You shake your head, because you’re sure your ears have stopped working. Because this is too good to be true.
You must have taken too long because the disappointment is evident in his eyes, but you have been rendered speechless.
“If you don’t feel the same, that’s fine too” he tries, forcing a small smile and lowers his eyes. You cup his cheek on your hand, forcing his eyes to look at yours again. His hand goes to rest on top of your’s, and if you didn’t know before, you know now that you are lost. Lost to anyone else that has come before and certain that there will be no one after. He leans in, resting his forehead on yours, and without a second thought, you close the gap between your lips.
You can feel his heart beating, hard, but it’s no match for yours, that feels as though it will jump out of your chest at any moment.
His lips are soft and sweet, and all you can think about is how much you have wanted this, and how good it all feels.
His hands wander to your back and he bites your lip softly, sending a shock down your spine like pure electricity. It’s a fervent kiss, full of words unsaid and years of longing. His hands clutch on your waist, your back, hungry for everything they touch, while yours are tangled deep in his blond hair, urging him to keep going, to stay close.
You have no idea how long it lasts but when it stops, you laugh. Then he does too, and you cry and you hold him tighter than anything because you are determined to never let him go.