Chapter Text
He is in the court room, the coroner is speaking, and he tries to concentrate on the facts displayed.
And though he has papers to study, details to remember by heart and reasons enough to think in all different layers of the truth at the same time, to interpret what he hears, he's aware of her presence before she's even close to the door that is about to open.
His facial muscles tense. He pretends nothing is going on, but feels that something has happened.
What is it, Della? Where are you ?
And then she walks into the room, he feels it before it's happening, he smells her perfume and hears her voice in the nano seconds before she breathes his name in a way he knows something is very wrong.
Then he sees her, in his periphere sight, throws his papers on the table, turns, stands up without thinking, directs all his attention to her, and the world stops as he detects the nature of the tears that threaten to spill over her flushed face.
It's desperation, fear.
My God.
His heart starts racing.
Her right hand is on her cheek, she squeezes her bag against her side, something she would never do because it is not ladylike, and so it is not like her, but she does it now, and that is another sign that there is a situation that moves beyond him.
For one moment he looks to the side, to the coroner, sees nothing but a blur, but says what is appropriate, quickly. " Excuse us mister coroner … " Before the coroner can answer and give his permission, his head swings back to her, and he hopes the right words leave his lips.
Baby, what's wrong ?
" What's wrong ? " He grabs her upper arms. Look at me.
" Dr. Hartland just called. Paul's had a heart attack. "
What ? Paul.
The words do not reach his core. He refuses them to.
" He's dying … "
No.
She falls forward, sobs against his shoulder and he closes his arms around her loosely, but she molds herself against him automatically. He has to stop himself from holding her closer, burying his face in her hair, has to stop himself from bending his neck to rest his forehead on her shoulder. He simply cannot do this, not here, not now, not in public. He can simply not endanger her in that way.
" He's dying … " She whispers against his shoulder.
No.
He wants to hush her by swaying slowly and by kissing her forehead, while he makes up reasons why it is not true what she says about Paul. But susurant sentences have to be stored away. Apart from the fact that there are more important matters to attend to, he simply can't display that he loves her.
He's sure Burger knows about the relationship that is existing, that has been established between him and Della Street. Burger is nobody's fool. Without a doubt, he must have deduced it from his sharp observations, he is, after all, the best D.A. that has ever stood in a court room. But Burger will never tell a soul, will never reveal the ultimate truth. It is true that Hamilton would never let Perry know publicly that he respects him, probably doesn't give a damn about public reputation. He couldn't care less maybe for the myth that has been created around Perry Mason, Attorney at Law. However, that myth, also does involve Della Street nowadays. Burger wouldn't want anything to happen to Della, and so he won't say a word about the affair between her and her boss.
Because Hamilton Burger is about as fond of Della as Paul is.
Paul.
'He's dying.' No. Not part of the plan. Can't be.
He breaths deeply, evenly, tries not to shudder, tries to prevent his nerves from taking over, but it is close to useless. Adrenalin shoots to a higher level. He looks into her eyes, realizes that maybe the officer behind her will see what feelings he's trying to hide. But the friend, the lover that's also part of Perry Mason, whether he likes it or not, surfaces because of the helplessness of the woman he holds in his arms.
" We're going to the hospital now. " He whispers to her, and he watches her nod. She's shaking, about to tear up again, and he has to make sure they will have left this room before she does.
Reluctantly, he lets go of her arms to take care of formalities.
He walks to the middle of the room, lifts his face and opens his mouth, but the coroner raises his hand and nods. No need to explain this. It is already somehow approved. Details will probably follow later, the adjournment is a fact and they can leave. It must have been her posture, or his posture, or her teary face or the combination of the three that brought on the message to the coroner before Perry could have done it with words.
They run now, run together, through the hall way of the court house, they fly off the outside stairs together, are in a hurry to find the car, they need to get to the hospital, of course, and they have to be there, but what can they do? His mind works overtime. What has happened? What the Hell has happened? A heart attack is impossible.
Paul. Damn it.
She throws his keys at him, uncharacteristically moves to the door at her own side, waits until he's unlocked it from the inside. She climbs in while he starts the engine, she clutches her bag to her side again while the car drives away and its passengers think without sound.
" What happened ? " He asks her, he needs to know.
She sniffs. " I don't know. We have to find out. "
He has to stop the car at a red light, taps the gass pedal, in a way the engine roars as a sign of his impatience.
Paul.
All he's done, all that they've been through together travels through his mind at lightning speed. The crimes they almost committed themselves to solve the crimes they were investigating, the discussions they had, every damn mistake they made, everything they learned, all the trips they took together before … Della.
Paul.
The evenings they dated the most beautiful ladies, had fun with girls, nights they fooled around, the numerous times he lied for Paul because of a woman, the times Paul lied for him because of a woman, before … Della.
Paul.
The ladies that have been on their side, the women that were in his bed, in Paul's bed, the fun they had, … the ladies they shared, before … Della.
Then it hits him.
'He's dying.'
" No. " Without warning he suddenly steers the car to the side of the road, he halts abruptly, and sits still. His hands are on the wheel. His chest rises and falls quickly in an unstable rhythm and she notices, starts to worry.
" Perry? "
" Just a minute … " He pants.
" What are you doing? "
" Just a moment … " He shuts off the engine, holds the carkey in his right hand and sits back. His breathing is incontrollable.
" Perry? " She starts panicking.
" I'm okay … I just … " He reaches for the door handle, opens the door and struggles to get out. Fumbling his tie, he loosens it and opens the two first buttons.
" Perry! " She yells after him, molds herself over the front seat to climb out of the car at his side.
" Della … " He breaths consciously, in and out, tries to stabilize it, but it's no use.
For God's sake, calm down, Perry Mason.
He starts walking. He has to get out of here, somehow, but where is he going? And where the Hell is he anyway? What happens?
'He's dying …'
He's breathing very heavily, tries to control it but he can't. His heart is beating out of his chest.
Paul.
Paul.
'He's dying.'
" Stop it, Perry. " Her voice is stable and low. It comes from a place in front of him, but he has his hands against his cheeks and so he can't see her.
" Perry. " She yanks his hand from his face, and he sees her fingers splay on their way up and she hits him hard. The loud clap on his cheek brings him back into the present. He looks at her.
" Listen to me. Breathe. " She places her index finger just above the waistband of his slacks. " Breathe from here. Now concentrate. " Her voice is sharp.
It takes him minutes to consciously blow out enough air to balance himself again. He knows it is the excess of oxygen that caused the turmoil inside him. And now he knows she knows that too. She knows about he thin balance between oxygen and nitrogen.
" Della. " He holds her against him. Her arms are wrapped around his torso, loosely, and she rests her head against his slow moving chest. Now he can rest his forehead on her shoulder momentarily. He kisses her cheek and stands straight and tall.
He feels better.
" Where did that come from, Perry ? " She looks up at him.
" I uhm … that was nothing. I just uhm … " He looks around, shakes his head.
" That was a genuine panic attack, Perry, I know one when I see one. "
" You're right. But I was thinking about Paul … and all that we've been through. "
She nods, thinks she understands but she doesn't completely.
He was thinking about Paul.
Before Della.
Before Della, his lovelife was a joke. His profession wasn't, but his love life was. Full of energy, different women, different tastes, all kinds of different looks and yes, all kinds of different positions. He did protect himself against the women and he did protect the women against him, but he feasted never less than he wanted.
But that was before Della. That was before he gave her the spare key to his office desk drawer, his office, his home, his car, the spare key to his private getaway.
Before he gave her the only key to his heart.
" I guess I just panicked. " He sighs, gradually feeling steady enough to drive again.
" That is so not you. "
" No. "
" Well, don't do that again … or you will have a heart attack too. "
" Della … " His hand rakes through her hair. His other hand strokes her cheek.
" Perry ? " She looks into his eyes.
" I don't believe Paul had a heart attack. It must have been something else. "
" But the doctor said so. " She says softly. " You might not want to believe it, because you don't want it to be true, but it is. "
" I can't believe he's dying. "
" He is. "
" He can't be dying, Della. "
" Well, he can, Perry. He's not immortal. And we have to go to the hospital now. "
" Yes, we do. " He says it, but he's not convinced.
It's in the car, when he looks at her from aside and registers the paleness of her face, that he decides to tell her about Paul. He will tell her how he promised his friend, Paul Drake, that he would never ask her to marry him.
And how that has affected the friendship between the three of them in the best way possible.
He will tell her, but not now. They have to get to the hospital first.
- TBC -