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Miu walks around town with her skanky, short red dress, swaying her hips from side to side. As she walks, she sings a tune, “There’s a song you all should know, unless you’re a virgin sow; it goes, ‘fuck me hard, fuck me good, impale me with that thick wood’. There’s a song we can sing in harmony, even if you’re a chad wannabe; it goes-”
As she was singing, she was rudely interrupted by water that got spilt all over her like a waterfall. Looking up to where it came from, she saw Angie sticking her head out of an apartment window with a large empty bucket that was dripping out the last of the water. “It’s holy water,” Angie explains, “You need Atua!”
“Bitch, when I get up there I’m going to drown you in that ‘holy water’!” Miu shouted.
“You can’t, I ran out of it,” Angie informed, not feeling threatened in the slightest.
Miu mutters, “Fuck, how am I going to get some holy water? I’m dead broke.”
She hears Kokichi whistling as he walks up to her. He’s wearing skinny black jeans and a blue shirt that’s too short on him yet is still a good choice for an outfit than for what he usually wears. He obviously never brushed his hair or stopped halfway through because the hair on top of his head is sticking up from two sides like dog ears.
“Hiya, Miu, I got some holy water in hand,” Kokichi greets her and pulls a small bottle out of his pocket.
“Why the fuck do you carry a bottle of that around?” Miu asks while taking it from him.
“Because I’m an angel, of course,” Kokichi smiles and holds his head up high like a child who’s done all his chores. As he was doing so, his dog ears-looking hair slowly transforms into the shape of devil horns and the illusion of flames were behind him; noticing this, he clears his throat and the flames are replaced by bright rays of light as his hair takes the shape of a halo.
“Yeah, you’re probably just trying to look like a good guy to get some goody-two-shoes pussy,” Miu said, being more sure that her assumption is right than his answer. Leaving him behind, she runs up the stairs and knocks on the door.
The doorknob grows a mouth and questions with a manly voice, “Who is it?”
She answers, “It’s the gorgeous girl genius, Miu good ass Iruma.”
“Oh, Miu! I’m sure you look lovely today,” the doorknob complimented her and cranked itself around, opening the door.
Miu stepped in the house and smacked Angie’s room door open. “Alright shit-pit, say your prayers.”
Angie jumps from surprise and asks, “What!? How’d you get in?”
“Your door is a man slut,” Miu explained in one sentence and thrusts the bottle in the air, letting the water spill out and fall flat onto the rug. The two girls stare at it and Angie breaks the silence with, “You gonna clean that?”
“Shit!” Miu cries in anger and stomps out of the apartment. Once outside, she sees Kokichi still standing in front of the building for when she left him, staring at the passing cars. Noticing her, he asks, “So, how’d it go? Did you make her wet?”
Miu ignores his question and asks one of her own, “You worded it like that on purpose, didn’t you?”
“No. ...Yes. Maybe I did, I’m a liar, but remember, I’m not a horny fuck like you.”
“Yes you are.”
“Yes I am,” Kokichi agrees with her without arguing.
“Do you still have holy water? Give me some,” Miu requested.
“Oh… I have more, they’re at my house,” he informs and turns his face away from her, grinning largely with a wink.
Miu debates her options in her head, ‘I could get some more water from his house, but then he’d probably say something to people like ‘I had that sexy girl, Miu Iruma, come to my house the other day. She wanted to play with my faucet, nishishi’, because who wouldn’t want to brag about me? …Eh, people probably won’t believe him anyway.’
Getting out of her thoughts, she tells him, “Alright, take me there.”
And with that, they were off. Once arriving, Miu saw what could only be described as a junkyard. “Welcome to my house,” Kokichi happily welcomes her, “My holy water is located in my bed.”
Miu found that she couldn’t even walk out of the entrance with all the piles of random objects on the floor. “How the hell do you expect me to get there with all this junk in the way?”
Kokichi pulls out a horse mask and shakes it a bit. With that simple action, the mask grows a horse body and begins shuffling all the piles to the side, creating a pathway. Once its job was done, it turned back into a normal horse mask and hopped into Kokichi’s arms.
Miu’s mind was completely blown though she won’t say it, and she began walking along the path, huffing, “Could’ve used a red carpet...”
Once in the bedroom, she looked around to see no sight of holy water. Giving up on trying to find it by herself, she asks, “Hey, small ass, where’s the stuff?”
Kokichi slides into the room and shuts the door closed, walking close to Miu until she was forced to lean on the edge of the bed. “I have some water I could give you, although, it’s far from holy,” he tells her seductively, giving a sly grin.
“Bitch, you fuckin’ lied to me, you told me that the water you have in your room is holy!” Miu shouted, spitting on his face. She stops fuming for a bit to focus on what he said and her eyes pop wide open. “Oh, you mean you want to fuck me…! Oh shit!”
“Come on, don’t you think I deserve an award for helping you out by giving you that bottle? I haven’t even received a kiss from you,” he pouts, leaning closer to her until her back was flat on the bed. “I mean, you’re basically a sex icon, right? Why wouldn’t you want to do it with me?”
Not feeling a tint of worry, she answers smugly, “Sorry, but this is the 1930s, not the 1500s, fucking a child is illegal.”
“You treat me like a child, but once you see my impressive dick, you’ll know that I’m all man.”
“Aren’t you a liar?”
“Yeah. ...Ah, fuck. Well, that’s not a lie, and I can show you,” Kokichi grabs a hold of his zipper but before he can bring it down, a cannonball crashed through the window and smacked him right on the face, sending him flying to the wall. Once the ball fell, the graving of it shaped out his face, and he had to shake his head to get it back to normal. “Alright, what the actual hell!?” he shouts and stomps back up on his feet.
Kiibo jumped in through the now shattered window and announces, “I won’t let you hurt Miu!”
The robot is wearing a clown outfit, and the lines on his face look thicker near the eyes than usual as if he picked his clothing out of a circus. Now, you readers might be aware that Kiibo’s taking the place of Koko, and you could be saying, “Why isn’t Kokichi Koko since he’s a clown?”
This is because Koko respects all woman just like our man, Kiibo, unlike Kokichi who treats Miu like a thot, which, to be fair, is very valid.
Kokichi positions his hands into fists and huffs up his chest to give the illusion of a tough, trained body as he walks up to Kiibo. “You think you’re all that, you hunk-of-junk?
He throws a punch onto Kiibo’s chest and quickly retracts, clutching his wrist and shaking his hand that’s now red and beating like a heart in pain from the metal contact. Tearing up, he shrieks, “Ahhh! Ow- ow- ow- okay! You win! I’ll leave her alone!”
As Kiibo watched his pathetic display, he felt a little sorry for him, but he’s sure that he got what he deserved.
“Are you okay, Miu? Don’t worry, I saved you!” Kiibo gleams proudly, wanting to be praised and holding his cheek up, hoping for a kiss.
“Kiibo, listen, I love you but, like, you’re such an asshole.”
“...What?”
“Why would you cockblock me?”
“But- I- you clearly didn’t want it!” Kiibo stammers, feeling dumbfounded.
“No, I clearly fuckin’ did! I was acting like I didn’t want it to bring up some spice,” Miu explains and sees that he’s still confused, “You know, like I go like, ‘Ah please, you can’t fuck a beautiful goddess like me no matter how big your dick is.’ Then he shuts me up by fucking my mouth and I’m like, ‘Uwah! Fuck, I didn’t know you were this good.’ And then he bangs me hard till I lose my mind and all I can let out are moans like ‘Ahh…! Ahhh…! Ahhhhwahhhh!’”
Still giving her a lost look, the girl stops her moaning and sighs, “You still don’t seem to understand. Well, that’s not a surprise, you are pretty vanilla.”
Hearing Kokichi still crying in the background, Miu rolls her eyes and shouts, “Kokichi, get a fuckin’ grip! Stop your balling and tell me if you have any holy water around here!”
“But my hand hurts! Although, I’m sure it’ll get better if it gets a little kiss,” Kokichi holds his tears and stares at Miu, hinting at her.
Miu looks to Kiibo and nudges him, “Well, you heard the boy, he wants a kiss.”
Kiibo’s shoulders jolted up in alarm. “What!? I don’t want to kiss him!”
“You’re that disgusted of me?” Kokichi cried. Although he was hinting at Miu, he still acted as if he was insulted to hear Kiibo flat out reject him. He puts a faucet handle on the side of his head and cranks it, letting fake tears begin to overflow as he sobbed, “Waaaahhh! Kiibo’s so mean!”
“Well?” Miu eyes the robot.
“‘Well’ what? I’m not kissing him.”
“Would you like me to kiss him instead?”
“No- I-” Kiibo finds he has no other option and groans, “Ugh… Fine, I’ll do it.”
Unreluctantly, he walks up to Kokichi and gives him a quick kiss on his hand. Immediately, Kokichi’s tears vanish and he’s smiling as if he was never crying in the first place. “Yay! Thanks, Kiibo! I feel so much better now.”
“Wow, amazing. This is some beautiful representation right here,” Miu praises while applauding.
“Yeah, well, I lied about feeling better,” Kokichi’s smile dropped, “I had to feel Kiibo’s cold, hard lips, and I’m pretty sure that some oil leaked onto my hand.”
“I have no oil in me!” Kiibo yells, feeling behind offended.
“Yeah, and you obviously don’t have a heart in you either, cockblocking poor Miu like that,” Kokichi insults, “This is why I should get to have her, I know what she wants.”
“But I was only trying to protect her!” Kiibo counters, “I should have her! I can keep her away from harm!”
“You think she cares about harm? She gets turned on at the thought of being harmed.”
“It’s talk like that that made me fire a cannonball right at you!”
“Oh yeah, what the heck was that for? You ruined my moment with her.”
“That’s good because you don’t deserve her.”
“Do too!”
“Do not!”
“You know what? It doesn’t even matter, because in the end, Miu wants me anyways.”
“No she doesn’t, she most definitely wants me!”
“Does not!”
“Does too!”
Hearing them bicker back and forth, Miu’s eye began to twitch until her ears began to let out steam and she exploded, “I don’t want any of you shit heads! I just want some fucking water to drown Angie in! It doesn’t even have to be holy!”
The boys looked at one another and both broke out running at the same time to the kitchen. Miu follows them and sees them fighting with one another over the sink. Large bucket filled to the brim with water in hands, Kiibo runs up to Miu and shows it off. “Look, I got you a whole bucket!” as he showed it to her, a painful cracking sound was heard and he winces, “Ah-! My back…!”
“Nishishi! For a robot, you sure are weak, that’s super lame,” Kokichi makes fun of him and tries to hold up his own bucket only to find out that he can’t lift it from the sink.
“Ha! You’re weaker than me!” Kiibo laughs.
“Nuh-uh! It’s because my bucket has more water than yours!”
As they continue to insult one another like children, Miu is rotating the numbers on a bakelite telephone and gets in the line with Angie. She puts on a sweet voice and speaks, “Hello, is this God’s vessel, Angie Yonaga?”
“Ooo, yes it is! How’d you know I’m God’s vessel? The only people who know are the ones in my home island,” Angie gasps, “Did Atua tell you?”
“Yes, and I’ve received a message from him in my dream that you need to come to the house address… 11037.”
“Oh, that sounds divine! I’ll be right over!” Angie bubbles and hangs up. With not even a second, the platinum blonde is seen opening the front door and letting herself in. “Yahoo! I’m here! Shall we talk about- Miu!?”
Miu slides over to Kiibo and Kokichi who were still bickering with one another and orders, “Alright guys, the bitch is here! Pour that water!”
“You don’t need to tell me, I was just about to thrust it all over Kiibo,” Kokichi responds, not noticing that Angie is in the room, “I want to see him dance around as his body malfunctions.”
“I’m waterproof,” Kiibo informs.
“Yeah? Let’s see if that’s true.”
Kokichi tries to lift his bucket up and stumbles backwards when he finally managed to thrust it, causing the water to fly at Angie.
Before Angie could react, Kiibo made an action of his own; “That’s it, Kokichi, you asked for this!” Kiibo thrust his bucket and got thrust forward with it, making the water splash Angie all over.
Angie went silent as she was drooping wet from all over, Miu’s loud laughter bouncing off the walls. “Boom, bitch! How ya’ feelin’ now?”
Angie shrugs, “Honestly? It could be worse; I mean, this isn’t even my house and I’m wearing a bikini anyway, so…”
Despite Angie’s nonchalant reaction, Miu continues to laugh as if she ruined her entire existence. “Two guys made you wet, who needs Atua now? Hahahaaa!”
“Mmm… Still seems to be you.”
Miu continues to laugh and Angie smacks her lips, “Well… this has been interesting… I’m gonna go now.”
As Angie walks out, the blonde’s rolling on the floor now in laughter. Once calming down, she gets up and sighs in relief, “Aahhh, getting revenge sure does feel good. Welp, you idiots did well, good for you.”
“Thank you, Miu. Maybe we should get an award for it…?” Kiibo blushes as he gets close to her and holds up his cheek.
“Yeah, we do seem to be nearing the end; give us a classic end scene kiss,” Kokichi tells her straight up and gets close to her from the other side.
“Fine, you guys deserve it, and I’m sure it’ll please your nonexistent dicks,” Miu gives in and gives them each a peck on the cheek, hiding that she’s actually really flattered. Kiibo grows a goofy grin on his face and Kokichi’s hair tips begin to shake repeatedly just like the ears of an excited dog would do. With that, she looks at the screen and winks, and the trumpets begin to play as a circle encloses, blackening the screen.