Chapter Text
England rarely sees such a bright sun. It’s a fine day for filming, as if God knew that they were going to shoot the scenes for a beautiful wedding and thus blessed them with amazing weather. Unfortunately, the excessive sunlight is not ideal for script reading, especially when you have pages of lines to memorize. It took a while for Benedict to find a spot with shades. He settles down on a bench and turns the pages. The light continues to shine on the paper, keeping his attention on the dazzling word, wedding. Indeed, that particular word has been on his mind for days, if not months. He knows how Amanda looks forward to this. She has been talking about it for ages. The wedding of John and Mary Watson. In a sense, it’s like compensating for the one wedding that never happened. However, the theme of the episode may be the wedding, the focus will lie on Sherlock’s best man speech. That’s the actually only part they are going to film.
Steven wrote a lengthy monologue for Ben. When he first received his share of the script, Ben frowned after learning how much he would have to recite. There he was thinking that the breathtaking deduction in Hound of Baskervilles was the longest piece he would ever need to remember.
Martin gave him a sympathetic look as he leaned over and saw Benedict highlighting all the paragraphs.
“You can make it, Ben,” Martin encouraged him, patting him on the back, and eventually placing his hand on Ben’s shoulder.
He’s been doing that a lot, and frankly, it wasn’t helping much. Ben forced himself to keep his mind on the confession, no, he meant monologue, instead of what Martin was doing. They were standing so close to each other. Sometimes Ben wonders if Martin is doing it on purpose. Martin clearly knows how he feels for him and shamelessly encourages it. He grants him a permission, and because of that Benedict has always wished that they can become something more intimate.
Now this is going down directly into a dangerous territory. He has to suppress that kind of thinking, and he can never let it take control, at least not when they were in the middle of a briefing with everyone present, including Amanda. Amanda was caught in an exciting conversation with Mark, without noticing what was going on over here. They were talking about Mary Watson, John’s only official wife, and the plan for the character.
“Meanwhile, we will play Give Us A Clue.”
Martin had Ben’s attention back. He laughed, stepped aside for a few inches. Ben turned to him, he didn’t see any jokes in Martin’s eyes. Nevertheless, he chose to play along and made an angry face.
“How could you do this?” Ben grumbled, and before he could utter another word, Steven called them in for a private conversation. It was top secret, and only the leading actors and the filmmakers were allowed to join. Without doubt, it was about Sherlock and John, and their great plan.
“Shall we?” Martin offered his hand, but didn’t grab Ben’s, and Ben didn’t took his either. They wouldn’t do it here. The two followed Steven to a quiet corner. Steven could barely hide his thrill, anyone could see the sparkles in his eyes when he talked about Sherlock and John. Benedict suddenly recalled how the Internet described that expression, the evil laughter. He giggled, Steven noticed it and asked Ben to concentrate. He emphasized, “What I am about to say is important.”
“We’re filming John and Mary’s wedding,” Steven stated the most obvious fact. Ben glimpsed at Martin, he expected a smile from him, but he didn’t see any.
Shouldn’t there have been one? There’s a little bit more to it than it only being John and Mary’s wedding, because Mary is Amanda, and you could even say that it is also Martin and Amanda’s.
“Benedict, control yourself,” Steven spared time to remind Ben again. They’ve had this talk before, Mark has said it, Steven has said it, and they said that they did not approve of set romance, but they should have seen it coming. We all should.
“Be professional,” That was what Mark said. Mark and Steven promised to keep the secret for Ben, and they hoped that they only had to have this conversation with him once. Ben agreed, and he did his best to act professionally.
“It’s John and Mary’s wedding, yes,” Steven paused, he enjoyed doing so, "but we’re going to film it as if it’s Sherlock and John’s wedding. You two are getting married.”
“So what do you expect of us?” Martin asked. He seemed unaffected. Well, of course he was. He is professional, and he doesn’t do projecting.
“As usual,” Steven answered. “Benedict, you’re going to pretend that you’re pining for Martin. Martin, you’re going to look regretful because you realize that you still love him and he loves you back. Of course weddings are supposed to be full of joy but not in this case, so don’t look happy. It would be easy for both of you.”
Benedict and Martin? Instead of Sherlock and John? Others might say that it was intentional, but then Steven has always done the pitch this way. He glanced at Ben and repeated, “pretend. ”
“Go, the read through is going to start,” Steven went first, leaving Benedict and Martin behind. Martin pulled Ben closer, speaking in a low voice so that only the two of them could hear it. “You will look great in the suit,” he whispered.
The suit he was talking about, the best man gown, Ben is wearing it right now. His suit appears to be identical to Martin’s. Sarah Arthur told them that it was a deliberate choice, because only grooms would share suits of the same look. It was a hint. Or was it a mere consolation? Perhaps both. On the way to the Orangery, they ran into the setlockers. The fans must have seen the gowns beneath the coats. Amanda even waved at the onlookers. She was glowing, like an angel in her white wedding dress. Martin was right behind her, gazing at her tenderly. He was happy. They were happy together, always have been.
He’s delighted with her. That is the idea lingering in Benedict’s mind. It’s true, they are lovely as a coupe. Could you have imagined a better match? Nope. Ben sighs. He knows about Martin’s feelings for him and is overjoyed that his affections are returned, but in the end, it doesn’t mean anything. He will never be Amanda. Amanda is cute, she is awesome, and she’s perfect for Martin.
Ben’s mind drifts away. He looks for familiar faces subconsciously and eventually finds everyone on lawn. Martin is there, and Amanda, and Una, Rupert, Loo, and Yasmine. They’re playing Give Us A Clue, as Martin said they would. The entire cast and crew are there having fun, enjoying the sunny weather and the peaceful break, except him who has to practice his lines. He can’t blame them though, after all, what’s the reason not to be gleeful? Especially for Amanda. She’s told Ben that these few days have been her happiest moments during filming. If Martin had known that a wedding would bring her this much mirth, would he have given her one?
Ben has just heard the sound of text alert and it drags him back to his job. Hopefully it’s not Mark reproaching him. Ben checked his phone and to his surprise, it’s a message from Martin. He realizes that Martin is looking at him, while Amanda is absorbed in watching Una mime. Martin gives Ben a wink from a distance. Ben can’t help but smile, he loves it, though it’s inappropriate. He swipes the screen to read the text, and he finds himself an excuse for doing so: it’s nothing, it’s just a text.
Finished with your lines?
That’s all. Martin’s still observing his reaction. What should he say in reply? Martin definitely knows that Ben cannot have finished all of the work already.
No. Come and feed me.
Ben regrets it immediately after his finger touched the SEND button. It sounds terrible no matter how you interpreted it, literally or subtextually. Martin stares at the screen for half a second and then starts typing. Ben suddenly begins to panic, he fears that Amanda will find out. She’s laughing, probably because of what Una did. She pats Martin’s arm but does not turn to look at him. Martin smiles at her, he says a few words in response. Amanda gives him a quick look and then starts talking to Una again. Martin puts the phone down on his other side and then gently taps on the screen. A new passage appears on Ben’s phone.
Lord, what’re they doing now? Texting behind her back? Ben could feel that his conscience and his desire are pulling his heart towards opposite directions and tearing it apart. He should have stopped, but his fingers touch the screen partly on purpose because he doesn’t want to stop, and partly by accident because his hands slightly tremble.
Not now.
What does it mean, not now ? So he will do it later? Ben can sense that Martin’s watching him again. He lifts his head and their eyes meet, and this time Martin isn’t smiling or trying to crack him up anymore. He’s just staring at him. This brings Ben back to the days of adolescence, a time when he would sneak a peek at his crush, and occasionally they happened to turn around and the eyes would meet. However, it’s no longer shyness that holds him back from returning the gaze. Deep down, he knows it better than anyone that it’s because it’s wrong. He takes something that doesn’t belong to him from his friend, and what’s worse is that he now does it to her face. It’s absolutely not what a decent man would do to his friend, and this idea, along with the absence of sincere remorse, sadly reveals that he hardly qualifies as an upright person, which more or less pains him.
It’s probably only psychologically, but he feels that his fingers starts to ache. Ben examines his reddish thumbs to find that the pain is a result of himself squeezing the script and causing it to crumple. It’s a good reminder telling him that he must come back to his lines or he will never be able to finish the work. As Ben presses himself to reread the text, Steven’s words pours in again. He told Benedict, “The best man speech is a love letter from Sherlock to John. Act it out.” Ben could still picture the look on Mark’s and Martin’s faces. It was a mix of sympathy and heartbreak. But come on, witnessing the one you love marrying another person? The performance is an opportunity of lifetime.
His phone makes the sound again. He should really stop getting distracted. Ben swears that this is the one last time. He clicks the pop-up window and discovers that Martin sent him a picture. It’s a photograph of the script, where John invites Sherlock to be his best man. When Steven was explaining the scene to them, he snickers, saying that it was actually a proposal. “If we aren’t going to film John proposing to Sherlock, then this scene will be it.” He even claimed that the two things were basically the same. And yet everyone knows that it isn’t true. It is just a cruel joke, a consolation that meant nothing. You may lie to yourself, persuading your heart into living with it, but you can never be fooled, and you will always crave for more.
Prepared?
A new message arrives when his thoughts wanders. Ben stares at the dialogue box in a daze until Martin has finished typing. He finally understands what Martin’s doing when the next message comes in. Ben takes another furtive look at the lawn. Amanda is leaning on Loo, captivated by the game and unaware of what’s going on between her boyfriend and the poor guy who’s left out preparing his lines alone. Martin, on the other hand, seems to have drawn himself away from the rest of the gang. He keeps his head down, slowly tapping on his phone.
I want to be up there with the two people that I love and care about most in the world.
Mary Morstan.
And you.
Ben sees that it’s his turn. He puts down the script, holds up the phone, and extracts a reply from his memory. It’s time to become Sherlock Holmes.
I confess at first I didn’t realise he was asking me.
When I finally understood, I expressed to him that I was both flattered and surprised.
I explained to him that I’d never expected this request.
I was a little daunted in the face of it.
“Benedict! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!”
Oh shit. Ben grabs his script in a rush, trying to cover the phone with it, but it’s too late. Mark is glaring at him, he must have seen everything.
Mark Gates has warned him, whatever his feelings towards Martin are, they must stay outside of the set and must not interfere with filming. In fact the whole crew knows about what’s happening between them by now, and in a sense, their silence allows it to grow and thrive. It’s also kind of inevitable, Sherlock and John are meant to be a couple, so is it really a surprise when the actors portraying them develop love for one another? Steven and Mark definitely saw it coming. They probably have been in the know since day one when they whispered into each other’s ears cheering, “This is the show.”
What was not spoken out loud was that, "Damn, they really did fall in love.”
“Are you on Tumblr again?” Mark questions Ben in a cold and intimidating voice. Since they began filming this series, he’s been scrolling around on set, paying extra attention to the actors who browses websites like Tumblr and Archive of Our Own. However, it never stops Martin from sending Ben those pictures featuring Sherlock and John enjoying some intimate activities on bed. Sometimes they will even appreciate the explicit drawings which Martin has on his phone together, in Mark’s absence, of course. Ben at times wonders whether the fictions and artworks he saw are only about Sherlock and John, or is there more to that?
“No, I’m texting,” Ben gives an honest answer, though Mark does not like it either.
“Texting? Is that so?” Mark isn’t convinced. His penetrating look implies that Ben will not get away with it. Ben avoids making any eye contact with Mark, and unconsciously his attention strays away and then gathers at the lawn again. He no longer has Martin’s attention, it belongs to Amanda now. Martin is watching her, smiling, eyes filled with love and merriment.
“Oh, Benedict,” Mark must have caught where Ben’s eyes are fixed on. “I’ve told you before.”
Mark shakes his head in disappointment. Ben isn’t sure whether he’s more angry or more commiserative.
“He’s only feeding me the lines. That’s it,” and it’s the truth. It’s all about work, nothing more. Hearing the excuse, Mark glances at Martin, and then turns back to Ben. Martin never looks at here again. Ben grips the corner of his script and shoves the sheets in his own face, and finally starts to mumble Sherlock’s lines.
“We will take the wedding photos soon. Get ready.”
Ben nods in response. Mark adds that there will be photos of Sherlock and John only. It sounds like he’s trying to comfort him, but then Mark will say that it’s just part of the plan.
It reminds Ben of a discussion he read about before. After Mark left, Ben checks his phone. No replies from Martin. Ben guesses that he can’t text him anymore, but before he proceeds with the lines, he could still take a look at how the fans are coping with new information. He taps on the Tumblr app icon, posts flood in and they’re all about the wedding. The photos which fans took have gone viral. They appear over and over again on his dashboard. The fans are analyzing the episode already, they scrutinize the costumes and speculate on Sherlock, John and Mary. As expected, Ben reads about the grudges and whines. Fans accuse them of queerbaiting. Well, wait until you see it to the end. He smiles, scrolling down the screen, and there comes the self-comfort. Fans are always the expert in the field. Ever since it was announced that Mary Morstan would be in this series, the fans have been joking about it to relieve their their anguish. They have endured plots that they loathe before, and every fandom has been upset by the show-runners. It’s the most common thing for you if you’re a fan, and fans have not only gotten used to it but also come up with their own coping mechanism. In our case here, the fans tease that they can simply ignore Mary. We will photoshop her out and then it will be Sherlock and John’s wedding. That’s what they say and undoubtedly they will live up to it. But it won’t be necessary, as Steven and Mark have decided that they will take care of the photography.
Have you guys noticed that Sherlock’s and John’s wedding suits are exactly the same? It must be Sherlock and John’s wedding and Mary is a just bridesmaid.
Ben chuckles as he reads this post. That’s amazing, he will definitely let Sarah Arthur know that the fans have already recognized her efforts.
He also checks the replies, some of the comments read:
Or no one in the show is getting married and it’s just Martin and Amanda inviting everyone to their wedding and having Ben as the best man. #shrugs #yep I know it’s impossible but still #my Johnlock heart aches seeing this :( #why do we have to go through the wedding?
Why can’t it be Benedict and Martin’s wedding then? #lol #jk
#lol #nah #freebatch is fine #but #I love Martin and Amanda #I respect them
Ben shuts off Tumblr. He must get down to his script or he will never finish it. For one last time he glimpses at the lawn, Amanda is miming something and Martin is watching her attentively.
There’s a tiny voice in his head telling him, you know it’s impossible, he will never choose you over her. You may be playing Sherlock Holmes, but you will never be him.
He remembers, Steven has told him, the episode should be a depiction of the unrequited love Sherlock has for John. For Sherlock, his sorrow derives from witnessing the love of his life marrying someone else. Unbeknownst to him, the man he loves returns his feelings, and the only thing stands between them and happiness is John not being prepared to face his desires.
“It must be a piece of cake for you two,” those were Steven’s words after he finished the briefing. The irony must have been too tangible, he then clarified that it was because Benedict and Martin were award winners.
Therefore, he must live up to the honor he received. Clearing his mind, Ben officially begins to tackle with his task.
The photographic session starts not long after Ben completes his mission. When it’s his turn with Martin, Benedict makes sure that the distance between them is short enough to have a talk which only they can hear.
“So, did Mark scold you?”
Martin’s voice reaches Ben’s ears, along with his breath. He places the hat by his chest, wears a smile, and poses for the cameras. After a set of photos, Danny informs them that it’s all done. Ben turns to look at Martin, Martin is still waiting for his answer.
“He thought I was reading Tumblr.”
“Oh. What did they say?”
“This should be Sherlock and John’s wedding.”
“It sure is.”
They are asked to step aside and give way to the ladies. After this set, Martin and Amanda will be posing for the wedding photos of John and Mary.
“It’s beautiful.”
Ben says softly. On hearing those words, Martin turns to look at him. This time he returns the gaze.
“The cinematography?”
“Yeah, and the wedding.”
“Hmm.”
It’s not exactly the response Ben expected. Martin barely said anything. Perhaps it’s too close to home? John and Mary’s wedding sort of feels like Martin and Amanda’s, and Ben shouldn’t have mentioned it because as everyone knows, Martin is not a fan of weddings. But it’s truly beautiful. It makes him emotional.
“If I get married one day, will you be my best man?”
Ben has a feeling that they will have to face this question someday, so it is asked. When he looks for an answer, he finds Martin gazing into his eyes, smiling.
“You know I will never be your best man, Ben.”
Danny waves at Martin telling him it’s his turn. Ben watches Martin leave for the shoot. He stops his pace next to Amanda. They are such a match made in heaven.
Ben mulls over Martin words. He realizes that Martin is right.