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Ruby sat at her desk, twirling her hair in her hands. Everything felt grey, especially herself. Seconds seemed to scrape by like days, grating on her. She watched the red strands catch on fingers, breaths slow and deep as panic bubbled up and threatened to spill as tears.
All of a sudden she was painfully aware she was just a robot. The more she watched the strands, the more it felt like it wasn't her, the more it felt like she was watching a POV movie.
When she tried to focus on her classmate's chatter, it just emphasized that empty feeling. Everything felt too real, everything but herself.
She suppressed a whimper and stared blankly at the board, feeling like time was non-existent.
• • •
When she finally made it home, she was nearly hyperventilating. She was by herself, the house completely empty, and that made it even worse. Now everything felt fake, especially herself.
After sitting for some time and realizing she wasn't calming down, she scrambled for her phone with a slight tremble in her fingers.
Ruby: Lollipops
Sunshine: Bad day?
Ruby: Please
Sunshine: I'll come to your house, and we can go to the beach
She shoved in some earbuds, listening to the most energetic songs in her playlist with the highest volume, wide eyes boring into her wall and just focusing on their voices.
"-ce cream." A cheery voice cut through the fog, and already she could feel her body relaxing. She'd been so spaced out that she hadn't noticed her music was paused and You had taken out her earbuds.
"Oh, you weren't here yet," You apologized, stroking Ruby's cheek with a fond smile, then continuing softly, "I brought ice cream."
"Sorry," Ruby croaked out, feeling You's fingers on her face. They were warm, and real.
"Mmm. Want to go to the beach? Let's get you dressed," You said, and she belatedly realized You was only wearing her swimsuit. Ruby hummed her acknowledgement, a sound that felt like it wasn't coming from her.
Then You was coming down the stairs, bringing down Ruby's frilly pink two piece. "You're gonna have to put it on yourself. You're going to wear it, okay?"
Ruby nodded absentmindedly, attempting to put it on.
"Hey, hey, you're still in your uniform," You scolded gently. Ruby looked down at herself, her body, blinking like it only now became obvious.
"Okay," Ruby murmured, more to herself than anything, and began stripping down. The chill of the air conditioning bit into her skin, the fog clearing somewhat as she pulled the bright frills on.
"I'm gonna hold your hand, okay?" You laced her warm fingers through Ruby's. "Wanna hold the bag for me?"
Ruby eyed the white plastic bag, the bright packaging of the ice cream showing through, small drops of condensation collecting on the bottom and dripping onto the wood paneling of the floor. She nodded, grabbing the handles, letting You lead her to her flip flops.
They began their walk, You leaning against her as she chattered about her swim team and homework.
"Am I talking too much?" You murmured, squeezing her hand gently. Ruby shook her head, low pigtails bouncing as she did so.
"I like hearing you talk," Ruby admitted, words feeling odd to her ears and in her mouth. You must've noticed the way she flinched slightly, because then she was kissing her forehead.
"You don't have to talk then. Want me to sing for you?" You asked, adjusting the duffle bag on her shoulder. Ruby nodded, relief flooding her. She still wasn't all there yet.
You smiled, taking a small breath before singing one of Ruby's favorite songs, exaggerating the vibrato a bit in the way she knew Ruby adored.
She always suggested that You become a singer, promising to make cute uniforms for the older girl to wear. You would respond that the offef was tempting, but she didn't want to do it if Ruby wasn't going to do it with her. Ruby smiled fondly st the thought, squeezing You's hand again just to feel the soft skin. A small smile tugged at her lips.
"Look, we're here already," You said, and Ruby's heart melted at the happiness in You's voice, watching as You set down a blue and pink striped blanket. Ruby was never really an outdoor person, but with You's beautiful smile and the way the sun beamed down on her, she wanted nothing more than to dig her toes into the sand and eat her frozen treat.
And so they did, Ruby letting out a soft sigh that sounded like her, the almost too hot sand settling between her wiggling toes in such a comforting way that she felt her eyes prick with tears.
Then You was handing her a slightly melted mini tub of ice cream and a spoon, and Ruby was leaning on the greyhead's warm shoulder and burying her face into tanned flesh. It smelt like salt and chlorine, like comfort and warmth. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the way the cold cream melted against her tongue, the way the sun bathed her and how You showered her with her pretty singing voice. When she opened her eyes, the deep blue of the ocean with rays of sunlight dancing along its surface mesmerized her.
When they were finished, Ruby wanted to lay down, facing the ocean on her stomach and watching the crabs scramble by, waves crashing against the golden sand. Then You was lying next to her on her side, planting searing and shiver-inducing kisses along her arms and cheeks and forehead, then moving onto her fingers and hands.
"I love you," Ruby murmured, feeling herself drifting into a state of calm and warmth as she rolled onto her side to face You. She smiled at the way You's cheeks flushed red, eyes shining brighter than the glittering the sun on deep blue.
"I love you too," You mumbled, then buried her face into Ruby's chest. "So so much."
Then Ruby was tangling her fingers into her grey locks, grinning at the way it felt a little waxy and damaged at the ends. She loved how much You loved to swim, loved how You loved her, loved how You knew what she needed.
She wasn't cured or magically freed, would never be; but that was fine because she felt okay for now, and that's what mattered.