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It was quiet in the Castle, it had always been that way.
The metal walls blocked out noise somehow, making the silence of space seem even more quiet to Lance, who had always had noise in his life.
When Lance had lived with all of his siblings back in Cuba, the house was a constant fury of sound and movement. It was sensory overload in comparison to the large, silent Castle.
Not that it was all bad, silence helped him focus a lot of the time. But Lance got to points when he focused too much and just started spiralling into a vortex of over thinking everything. Lance knew himself enough to know that silence and stillness wasn't always good for him, that it made his muscles itch to move and his brain start firing away.
So, in the dead of night, Lance began to walk.
It only happened sometimes, not to frequently, mostly when he woke up at three and four in the morning. Lance would wake up thrashing in the blankets, covered in sweat, visions of Galra cruisers and teal colored oceans dancing over his eyes in the pitch black his room.
Lance would jump up before the panic faded and the true fear set in, knowing that if he didn't get up in the first few moments after waking up, he'd be too petrified by the darkness to move.
Washing his face in the bright lights of the bathroom, the paladin would avoid his own gaze(He had a panic attack once from seeing his own eyes staring back at him. It was so illogical and just . . . Dumb. But it sent a jolt through him and Lance found himself crouched on the bathroom floor ten minutes later, finally managing to catch his own breath).
Sometimes Lance did a face mask just for the sake of normalcy but his hands felt kind of shaky on this particular night and he wasn't about to rip an eyebrow out making a dumb decision. So instead, he pulled on his blue silk robe and headed out into the hall, leaving his bathroom light on so he wouldn't freak himself out later.
Lance didn't bother with his slippers, it was too dark in his room to find them right now and feeling the somewhat cold floor gave him a sensation to focus on.
He walked to the kitchen first, taking two juice pouches out; one for now and the other for later. Orange juice helped his throat and cleared his head, especially after bad dreams, so he was glad there was some sort of alien substitute. Lance poked the straw into the metallic like plastic and took a few sips, heading out down the pale gray hall.
He wondered around the training room for a while, examining the armory and computer room, still feeling anxiety when he left.
Lance sighed and decided to go visit Red down in her hangar.
He tried to go to someone when this first started happening, all of the nightmares about earth and the Galra. Hunk had always been his source of comfort at the Garrison, both boys far from the safety of home. But Hunk just couldn't handle people after so long, they made him exhausted, and Lance had all but worn out his welcome in Hunk's room.
Which was fine, it was okay, Lance could deal with the nightmares now. The had steadily become more terrifying but less frequent, about once a week.
And Lance could handle that, so he walked.
Red's eyes gleamed immediately when he came into the room, filling him with the furious kind of affection that she gave. No sleep for you paladin?
Lance shook his head, giving her an attempt at a smile, "Nah. Not tonight."
She hummed in his head, purring enough to let him know she was happy to see him. Need to sleep more. Dark eyes. Not pretty.
He sniffed a laugh, sitting down on the floor by her huge paw, "You've looked better. That sonic blast the other day doesn't hurt anymore, does it?"
She scoffed. I am a raw outlet of energy and immortality, child.
Lance laughed, something in his chest lightening as they fell into a comfortable silence. He drank up her spirit for a while, pleased to at least have a calming moment with some sort of consciousness. His friends were all really stressed lately, so Lance had done his best not to lean on them for constant reformation too much. They all needed time to recharge alone while Lance needed time to recharge with people. Not really doing anything in particular, just kind of being.
Red filled some of that void in him, enough to make it through a lot of things. Lance wanted the raw vulnerability of just being with someone. Not even romantically, just to have someone to constantly trust and be open with.
He felt . . . Isolated sometimes onboard the Castle. Aliens were one thing, they hadn't dealt with Lance as long as the team, they didn't find him immediately obnoxious most of the time. Lance knew his friends loved him deep down, er, most of the time he knew that, but they just needed . . . Space. A lot. As ironic as that sounded with so much fucking space out in space.
Hunk could be easily exhausted by people, Pidge was just plain easily annoyed and Shiro didn't need the stress of babysitting a loudmouth. Allura clearly had more important things to do. Coran tried his best but was constantly running repairs and also got distracted often. Keith and Lance were on steady ground now and didn't fight a lot, but Keith was still just a generally distant person.
Blade master came to see me. Red offered up, reading Lance's thoughts as he went through the checklist.
Lance rolled his eyes, smiling a little, "His name is Keith."
He wants to be stuffy Galra fighting boy? I will refer to him as such. Red replied with haughtiness. Anyway. Came to see me. Talked a lot. Seemed all mushy. I'm worried.
He sniffed, eyes focusing on his robe pockets, "Yeah, of all the things Keith is, he isn't mushy."
No. The Lion said simply.
Lance frowned, "What?"
No. Very mushy. Only in his head.
"You're lying."
Not lying. I am a being of integrity. Blade Master is oozing with mush. No interior vertebrae. Talks about you.
He had almost laughed until that last sentence, "Me? What about me?"
There was a prickling of panic in his head and the Lion went silent.
"Red! What about me? What did he say?" Lance groaned, letting his entire body flop back onto the floor, looking up at Red's snout, "He's still mad about me messing up his fight program, right? Ugh, it was an accident! He hates my guts." The boy exclaimed dramatically.
No. You are both dumb. No gut hating from Leader man. He would stab if he did.
Lance sighed, "Yeah that's probably true . . . But what did he say about me?"
She remained hesitant.
"Red, you know I'm not gonna drop this until I know." He warned.
The Red Lion huffed. He will be mad if he knows.
"Well then I won't say anything!" Lance pleaded, "Don't make me use my pick up lines on you."
Oh Spirit of White have mercy on my soul. Red grumbled before speaking searingly into his mind, like an iron imprint of fire, the voice of their leader filling Lance's head.
He has beautiful eyes.
The paladin sat straight up, eyes growing huge, "He said what?!"
Beautiful eyes. Red repeated, as if Lance somehow misheard the words.
His jaw remained unhinged. Did . . . Keith really think that? Sure, Lance knew his eyes were his best quality (second to only his winning personality of course) but what in the world had compelled Keith to say that?
Like, yeah, he and Keith weren't at each other's throats anymore and they worked well together when the situation called for it. And Keith had been kinda soft with all of them recently. More like Shiro. But what did that mean? He probably thought he should be more nice if he was going to be the leader, which in some areas, yeah, but Black choose Keith. If Black wanted the most compassionate, she would have picked Hunk. And he obviously didn't mean that in a bad way, he just knew the strengths of his friends.
But Black didn't and Lance had made the effort to mend whatever problems his own immaturity had caused. So Keith was always there now. When Pidge was doing Lion repairs or when Allura was attempting to handle the team's allies. He had tagged along to quite a few things that he never really took any interest in before. Which wasn't bad, not at all, just a little awkward sometimes. Between him and Lance mostly, because that dude was just so damn unreadable.
Keith was more steady now, not just himself emotionally but in Lance's life too. He was there more, smiling more, telling Hunk his food was great, telling Lance that shot was really good. He seemed so much more vulnerable in his actions, but the same guarded look would still reach his eyes, gray and tired.
But what was his motivation? Keith always had a reason behind his actions, even if it was hidden deep down. And Keith had been playing video games with them all, once even alone with Lance while the others slept, and training together, which was something he had kinda hated from the beginning, and he was just nearer to each of them in his own awkward way. Maybe he just . . .
"Whoa," Lance whispered, "Me and Keith are friends."
Red made a sound like a scoff, Have ridiculous way of showing affection. But yes Lance, friends.
He wouldn't lie and say that wasn't a little strange, even though he did enjoy having Keith around. It was hard when he wasn't, off slicing up bad guys in that Blade uniform, and yet Lance always felt the tightness leave his chest when he came back to the Castle. He felt that with all his friends but with Keith it was an overwhelming relief. Because that boy was so ridiculous, he was bound to give his life for a few cat videos on a USB drive. So what was he supposed to do? Not worry?
But the thing was, Lance wasn't ever very good at expressing that sentiment and had only just now realized that Keith genuinely wanted to be friends. So he definitely owed him an apology at the absolute least because there had been times that Lance had excluded him. Not out of resentment or dislike, but just out of habit, assuming the great Keith Kogane would never want to help bake cookies. And, ah fuck, he can distinctly remember how Keith's face fell when Lance announced a "trio sleepover". Shit, that was pretty mean to say with him right there. Hunk had even tried to cover it for him by making up some excuse for Keith to come but the leader just said he had stuff to do and left.
Fucking hell, Lance was such an idiot.
Red purred in his head, Not idiot. Speak different language than him.
He groaned, running his hair through his fingers. So apparently, everyone had figured out Keith's yearn for friendship except for Lance. Which was Bad with a capital B. Because Lance was the friend always insisting they do stuff together and when he felt like he shouldn't insist Keith do something he didn't want to, Keith probably took that for face value to mean that Lance didn't want to deal with him. Which, god, had they always been this bad at communicating?
The question now, with the knowledge that Keith did want to befriend them, was how Lance was going to make up for being rude before.
Training was something they had in common now, but that was almost too much like a chore. Lance wanted some bro time to tell Keith that he hadn't meant it, and they were on the same page now. Then they could hug it out and Lance wouldn't feel this weird knot in his stomach at the thought of someone hurting because of him.
They didn't have much alone time, and Lance didn't really want the others sitting over his shoulder as he stuttered out an apology to his former rival.
"Hey Red?" He questioned, idea forming in his mind, "Do you think I should just take Keith out for a ride?" That wouldn't be bad, they could have snacks and watch stars. It would be pretty relaxing.
Like dating? The Lion replied casually.
Lance sputtered, "No! What! Who taught you that word? You're not using it correctly."
She filled his head with a past night, Lance's own voice clear in his mind.
(". . . Just like dating and stuff, I miss it."
Dating?
"Yeah, like, you and someone else hang out together. You dress kinda nice and go get sushi or something then star gaze in the back of an SUV. You know?"
Similar to Altean courtship?
"Probably. Same idea.")
"That's not the same!" Lance exclaimed, slightly frustrated with a weird itch in his stomach, "I'm not trying to woo Keith."
Great job without trying, She hummed, Beautiful eyes. Plenty of room in my cockpit for both of you.
The boy moaned, falling back onto the floor again dramatically, "It's not like that. It has to be a mutual feeling. And it's not something others are allowed to meddle in." He told her, somewhat sharply.
Lance felt the heavy prick of her anger and frustration before she tamed slowly.
Sorry. Came a rumble in his head, tone a little forced.
He attempted a small smile, "It's okay. Humans are complicated and you're like a billion ton, semi-aware mechanical cat, so it's okay to not understand."
She purred softly, almost a question to if it was okay to do so, Want to help. Want you to feel less lonely.
Lance sat up and placed his palm on the flat metal of her paw, giving her a true smile now, "I know. I feel less lonely just by being here."
The Red Lion held back for a moment before he mentally opened his arms wide to her and she wrapped him up in a warm, tight embrace, leaving his body sighing with relief.
Lance's absolute favorite thing about Red wasn't how fast she went or how instinctively she matched his strength, but how Red held him when she wanted to show how much fondness she had for him. Just warmth and heat and smoke, like looking into a bonfire, mesmerizing and burning at the same time.
He loved it so dearly because it was the same thing he felt when his mamá hugged him. Selflessness, fierceness, adoration. And so much warmth that he could cry, like being buried and wrapped in blankets on a cold day until he was curled into a Lance Burrito of happiness.
That was thing about the Red Lion, no matter how bad Lance felt, no matter how much his stomach swirled strangely, she always made it better even if she couldn't take all of the pain away. Even if some slight nausea remained, Lance always felt like he could breath again, that he could conquer any nasty feelings he still had.
They soaked in it for a moment before Lance gave her a content sigh and pulled himself to his feet, smiling gently, "I think I'm gonna go up to the deck for a while and then try to get some sleep."
Red hummed, Sleep well. Then quieter as to not embarrass him, Come back if you want to.
He nodded, giving her a grin, "Goodnight, beautiful."
She huffed but he was sure she would have smiled back.
***
It was always Lance's stomach that felt weird when he got scared. It flipped and moved and turned to fire and Lance hated it.
He had always been relatively easily sick to his stomach as a kid, never motion sickness just other things, most of them had to do with sensory issues or his mild social anxiety. His mamá and older siblings spent hours with him over the years, getting him 7-Up and saltines or a homemade limeade, finding ways to distract him and let him know they cared.
And up in space, there was no McClain limeade, or his siblings' things they would let him play with if he was feeling particularly down, or his mamá's hugs. So Lance learned how to deal, drinking orange juice and talking to Red and staring at the Earth map on the main deck for so long that he knew every planet in the quadrant by name.
Talking about Keith didn't sit well in his stomach, but not in the normal way. Normally, he felt it sink, filling him with an extreme amount of sudden dread. But now he felt . . . Fluttery. Like his stomach had zero gravity. It didn't feel good or bad necessarily, just strange.
Lance tried to push the thought of Keith wanting so badly to be friends and not knowing what to say away, that wouldn't help him get to sleep like he desperately needed. He just wanted to think about his family.
He sipped the last bit of juice and headed to the main deck.
It wasn't that he didn't want Keith around, Lance was just kind of scared of how much he had already let Keith in. Would he eventually just get tired of Lance once he realized how clingy he was? The Red paladin didn't know if he could stand it if that happened.
And then there was Allura.
Which really didn't even have anything to do with Keith, but Lance's mind jumped to her anyway. Like she was part of this somehow. Like she and Keith were two sides of the same coin. Which, uh, yikes.
Not that he couldn't see similarities between them, because there were many. Both brave and strong leaders, both extremely selfless and kind deep down. Lonely, without their birth families, trying to navigate their own feelings while remaining strong. Awkward at times, but incredibly well meaning.
And Lance . . . Lance had known for a while just how protective he was over each of them. That something selfish in his head wanted to be the only one behind each of their defensive walls. Just him, no one else. He could recognize that as unhealthy but didn't really know the root behind it.
Lance had talked to Shiro briefly and made him promise not to tell Keith.
("Lance, of course I won't tell Keith. Just because him and me are close doesn't mean I would ever betray your trust." He assured the younger, eyes soft.
It was late night and they were still talking despite Lance's previous resolve not to bother him for more than a minute or two. Now he was sitting on Shiro's bed, with the older man's arm wrapped around his shoulders.
"I don't want to put a label on you, and it's perfectly alright if I'm reading this wrong, but have you considered the possibility of having romantic feelings for Keith? And that's why your mind compares him to Allura on reflex, because you had those feelings for her once?"
"I . . . I don't know." Lance admitted, voice quiet.)
Something in him had immediately latched on to that concept, but Lance didn't want to treat it lightly. He knew himself enough to know that he was . . . Fickle hearted, at times. With a tendency to overly romanticize things. So he didn't want to drive head first into a simple possibility. He needed time.
But how he yearned to know what his family would think, what they would say. Would it be a tender we love you no matter what? Or a you've been in space too long, under too much stress and it's made you confused? Or something else? Lance had no idea. And sometimes he imagined their responses when he stared at the spinning blue marble of Earth.
Keith said I have beautiful eyes, He would think in a few moments, when he could pull up the planet on the holo map. Well he's right, His mamá's voice would reply. Lance knew she would say that much, she had always loved his eyes.
Lance felt a soft smile on his face as the doors to the main deck whooshed open, revealing the bright teal map--pulled up to view Earth--and one Black paladin jumping in surprise and passing his hand through the map to shut it off.
Despite his stomach fluttering again, it was nice to see Keith. Another human being, and just about the only one who wouldn't tell him he needed to go back to sleep.
Lance's face fell though, when he saw Keith's expression, caught, trapped and nervous.
"I can--"
"Sorry I--"
They both started at the same time, making Keith stand awkwardly, "I'll go."
"No, you-No. You were here first." Don't leave, I need to apologize to you.
"Right." Keith said, rubbing his neck, bangs in his face as he looked down, not moving.
"If . . ." Yikes, his voice sounded too high. Lance swallowed, attempting to smile properly, "If you don't mind, we can both stay. Call a temporary truce on that rivalry. No one has to know."
Keith glanced up, rolling his eyes, "The rivalry isn't real Lance, I think we both know that by now."
Lance moved to sit near where Keith had been standing, "Then what's stopping you?"
The other boy hesitated, looking like he wasn't quite sure how to handle the situation.
Please, Lance mouthed silently, too scared that saying it out loud would cross a line.
Keith still looked nervous, fiddling his fingers, but sat beside him, knees against his chest. They sat in silence for a moment, as Lance allowed him to grow comfortable, staring at the sparkling stars outside the huge window.
Beautiful eyes.
Lance forcefully shoved that thought out of his head. He had apologizing to do, not daydreaming about how Keith thinks . . . about his . . . Urgh!
"Sorry."
"You-What?" Lance asked, wide eyed.
Keith glanced over but then back at the space in front of them, "This is kinda your spot."
Which was true, Lance came here at least once a week, but it was always during midnight hours, when no one would know. So how did he know that? The only soul he ever told was . . . Red must have told him.
"You know, I go to the training room and you come here. I wasn't really thinking, so, uh, sorry."
"It's okay dude, this isn't my Castle, you do what you want." Lance replied, leaning back onto his hands, "I'm not mad or anything."
Keith let out a small sigh, "Okay, good. Cool." He agreed quietly, still watching the floor. His hand was curled into a fist, thumb running over his scarred knuckles, Keith's nervous tell.
"So what's up." Lance started, trying to meet his gaze.
"Nothing." Keith said simply. Which, wow, what a lying little hoe.
"You're doing the thing."
"What thing?"
"You're being all angsty and brooding."
"I am not!" Keith exclaimed, shooting him a look.
"Oh I'm Keith and I'm so cool but not even a little bit self aware!" Lance teased sarcastically, grinning.
Keith's lips twitched but he rolled his eyes, "What do you want?"
"What do I want?" Lance repeated in a exasperated tone, holding his hand to his chest dramatically, "This is how it works. I say 'what's up' and then you tell me what you're going through and then we, you know, talk it out, maybe hug."
Keith was smirking just slightly, one eyebrow raised, "I know what 'what's up' means, Lance."
"Well then what's up? Keith, my buddy, my man. Mullet-headed, blade-slashin' cowboy."
The other boy snorted and Lance counted it as a win, "I was just thinking."
"You gonna tell me what about or am I gonna have to resort to the scientific method?"
"What's the scientific method?"
"Tickling."
Keith laughed, eyes crinkling and hair falling around his face, giving Lance that oh so rare view of the dimple in his chin when he grinned really wide, "I keep a knife on me. You wouldn't survive the first five seconds."
Lance shrugged, grinning and heart hammering in his chest, "Fair enough."
The other paladin sighed contently, "I was thinking about Earth." He confessed after a few moments.
Lance's mood dropped a little, but he managed a quiet, "Oh." Suddenly his mind was racing at a mile a minute, did Keith have family at home that he just never mentioned? It was possible. Had he been dealing with that all by himself? Hopefully Shiro knew, Lance couldn't imagine dealing with being away from his family without the team behind him. Had . . . Had Lance not realized how much Keith missed Earth? Had he committed another grade A Fuck Up without even knowing it?
And then Keith was gazing at him, eyes purple in the sparkling light of the stars, hair casting a dark shadow over his cheekbones, "I'm gonna get you home."
Lance was . . , "What?" He breathed out, eyebrows together, unable to look away.
Keith swallowed, licking his lips nervously but holding his gaze, "I promise to get you home."
"Don't-Keith . . . You don't know what could . . . Don't make promises like that." Lance whispered. He shouldn't say that, he couldn't because . . .Fuck, Lance might actually believe him.
Something in his eyes turned fiery and determined, "Shiro was always there for me and I just," Keith's voice dropped low, "Want to be there for you. I don't care how long it takes or what gets in my way, I swear I'm gonna make sure you see the ocean again, okay?"
Lance felt his chest grow tight, throat closing and eyes blurring, turning the boy before him into a dark, beautiful oil painting, soft on the edges, "I-I don't know what . . . To say."
Keith's face was tender, blurry, pale pink, "You don't have to say anything, I just wanted you to know. That's why I had Earth pulled up, I just . . . Wanted your family to know too."
He let out a watery laugh, wiping one palm against his eyes, "You don't even know them."
"But I know how important they are." The other insisted in a low voice, inching just a little closer.
Lance wiped furiously at his face, hands shaking, shoulders bouncing as he really began to laugh, "God Keith, you've got a fucking hero complex if I've ever seen one."
The boy merely smiled at him, "I'm not the only one."
There was a gentle moment as Lance's tears were wiped away, eyes meeting for a long second.
Dark eyes were dancing all over his face, making him heat up, eyebrows raised fondly, until Keith looked him dead in the eye, holding him there without touching him at all, absolutely captivating. Then a whisper so quiet, Lance didn't even hear it, just understood the words on his lips.
I promise.
Lance hugged him so tightly that Keith made a noise, arms slowly finding his sides, hesitantly holding him in return. The Red paladin laughed, hands wound hard around the boy's neck, "Thank you. Thank you-Thank you-Thank you."
Keith's chest was warm, shaking slightly with joy, hands awkwardly rubbing Lance's spine, "You don't have to thank me."
"No, but I do." Lance continued, holding the boy's strong shoulders and revelling at the feeling of Keith's stupid mullet tickling his jaw, "I haven't been a good friend lately, mostly because I didn't even realize you wanted to be my friend til like, an hour ago. Which is dumb, looking back on it, but I really didn't mean to exclude you from anything. You're really cool and it's fun to hang out with you, I just didn't want to push but I didn't know you kinda wanted me to push, maybe? So for you to be thinking about my family when I'm not being the nicest really means a lot to me."
"Lance," Keith said, hand flat and solid and warm on his back, smile in his voice, "I said you don't have to thank me."
He sighed, letting his body relax into the embrace, marvelling at the stars and how nice it was to hug Keith for the first time, hands still on his shoulders, raising his eyebrows at the muscles there. Then he was giggling, just giggling stupidly, realizing how long he had been staring at Keith's stupid buff self. Since the Garrison? Lance remembered mulling over Keith's biceps after he had gotten into a fight when they were fourteen, fuming about it angrily for the next two days. Definitely since the Garrison.
"What's so funny?" Keith asked, a little defensiveness sneaking into his tone.
Lance laughed more, "You're buff dude. Fourteen year old me would've been so mad."
"What does that even mean?" The other wondered, moving nervously but not pulling away.
"Well I don't know if you've realized this by now, but the rivalry was a cover up for how jealous I was of you." He admitted, too giddy to even stop his own grin.
Keith finally pulled back, hands on Lance's shoulders, eyebrows crinkled, "What? Why in the world would you be jealous of me back then?"
"Three things. I thought it was two but I just thought of another. One," He held up a finger, "You were friends with Shiro. Two, you were a natural at every flight simulator. And three, muscles."
The Black paladin leveled him with an unamused look, "My . . . muscles."
"Precisely. You had guns, my man."
"I'm-. . ." Keith started, before letting himself trail off, looking completely confused, "You mean you insulted me, called me names, and constantly bugged me on purpose because you were mad that the muscles in my arms were bigger than yours?"
"Uh . . ," Lance winced, blushing, "Yeah, something like that."
Lips twitched in a smile until Keith was full on grinning, "You're really a drama queen, you know that?"
The other rolled his eyes, unable to not return the smile, leaning back on his palms again, "So I've been told."
Keith looked back at the stars, shoulders relaxed and hands calm, hair pushed out of his face. He suddenly struck Lance as serene which was an interesting word to describe Keith Kogane.
"So . . ." Lance coughed, finger fiddling with the belt of his robe, "We're friends right?"
He looked over, a marble statue in starlight, pale and indigo like a piece of art, "Yeah."
"I just have some questions. You know, guidelines. Top secret business."
"Oh." Keith said, fingers beginning to move again, "Uh, right."
"What's your favorite color?" Lance asked, giving him a smile when the other boy turned. Nice, easy stuff. Not too personal.
He hesitated, then spoke confidently, "Blue. Not like the sky, or the Blue Lion. It's darker but just as vibrant."
Like my eyes? Lance wanted so, so badly to ask. He was sure Keith would say yes, "Royal blue." He suggested, receiving a nod.
"What about you?"
"Orange. A fiery, pinkish orange, like a sunset." Keith hummed but Lance continued, "What's your favorite food?"
"What is this, Family Feud?"
Lance narrowed his gaze, "I don't know, smartass, you want me to ask you sexual questions?"
Keith rolled his eyes, "You wouldn't."
The other paladin raised his eyebrows before holding a finger under his nose and announcing loudly, "We asked one hundred white people, if you saw Keith Kogane mowing his lawn in the nude, what would your react be?"
Lance shoved his fist out in front of Keith's chin, indicating an invisible microphone.
Keith leaned forward slowly, "Can I pass Steve?"
"Nope!" Lance all-but-yelled, grinning when the other jumped, "You have three seconds to answer before I bring out my co-host, the dashing young sharpshooter, Lance, to try the scientific method on you."
The leader only gave him a look until Lance started counting down, "I don't know! I wouldn't see myself mowing a lawn in the nude, that doesn't make any sense!"
"Are you saying you would not, in fact, fuck your own clone?"
"No?? Why would I--"
Lance made an over exaggerated 'wrong answer' noise.
"Yes?"
"Survey says, one billion points! It's a miracle, the crowd goes wild. Ahhhhh!"
"You're the single most ridiculous person I've ever met." Keith told him, raising his eyebrows as the other boy fell back onto the floor in laughter.
He sat up again, kicking his foot against the Keith's as they both tried not to laugh, "Rude! I don't want your charity compliments, mullet-boy!"
"It wasn't a compliment." Keith stated, taking an iron grip on Lance's ankle with a smug look.
Lance felt his heartbeat kick up as he wiggled his foot free, "You still haven't told me your favorite food, dumbass."
He blinked, relaxing back onto his hands, matching Lance's position, "Grilled cheese."
The Cuban grinned, "Why, Keith Kogane, that might be the whitest thing you've ever said to me."
Keith rolled his eyes, index finger picking at the dark fabric on top of his leg, "My dad used to make them." He admitted softly.
"Shit, sorry . . . I really didn't mean it like that." Lance told him, eyes going wide.
The other glanced over, hands pausing momentarily, "No, I wasn't--You're fine, I was just, uh, saying." His voice was quiet, with the smallest amount of insecurity and hesitancy there.
Lance waited before slowly confessing, "You know, I'm not really sure if you know this, but my dad died when I was young."
"Oh." Keith said, glancing over with an interested gleam in his eyes, before frowning as if he shouldn't have reacted that way, "Oh." He mumbled, eyes going dark.
He thought of the tall man, his Papa, with a sharp chin and wavy brown hair, the warmth radiating from him like he was Lance's personal sun, "I was five so I don't remember him that much, only certain things, but I remember how my mamá would have bad days, how often she would try to push down how much she missed him . . . So I just want you to know that I'm here, I'm no Shiro, but I can--" He gulped as Keith turned to face him, "--I can listen. Or distract you, or whatever you think would make it better. I'll try."
To his utter surprise, Keith smiled, small and simple but there, "Thank you."
"And for the record, grilled cheese is great and Hunk just figured out how to make bread from in the Castle and between my determination, Hunk's skills and Kaltenecker's perfect milk, we'll find a way to make grilled cheese. I-If you want."
Keith sighed, the smile on his lips growing gently, "Thank you." He said again.
His face flushed hot, "I mean, yeah, whatever, it's no biggie."
Keith dropped his hands into his lap, relaxing slowly, eyeing the stars, "So . . ."
"So?"
"Are you gonna ask me more stupid questions?"
"Oh! You-Oh. Sure, yeah, I mean, okay." Lance replied hurriedly, "What kind of music do you like?"
Keith blinked and then huffed out one short breath of air, "Of all the questions . . ."
"What? Ashamed to admit you like My Chemical Romance? Did you take their breakup personally?" Lance joked, wiggling his eyebrows.
He rolled his eyes in response, "It's just another thing that reminds me of my dad."
Lance's mouth dropped open. Shit, he really was fucking up this conversation, wasn't he? Keith snorted a laugh, though it sounded a little strained, "You don't have to answer--"
"Jazz." Keith interrupted, seeming confident before turning red, neck becoming splotchy.
He lit up excitedly, "Really? Like Miles Davis? Louie Armstrong?"
Keith's shoulders hiked up in embarrassment, ears a bright red, "Yeah."
Lance hopped up so fast that his head swirled, making his vision spotty for a few seconds before he laughed and stood up straight, hands on his hips, "Oh it is so on."
Keith was still on the floor, positively perplexed, "What's-Lance-What are you talking about?"
He merely held up one finger, pulling up the Castle computer and sliding through the computer files that Pidge had managed to upload from her Earth laptop to the main system. Thank god Pidge liked all genres. Lance made sure that the track would only play on the main deck speakers before shaking off his robe with a grin, left in sweatpants and a T-shirt.
Keith eyed him, his robe dropping to the floor, equal parts nervousness and confusion, "What are you doing?" He wondered flatly.
"Nuh-uh. This isn't me. This is us, buddy." Lance stated, pulling the awkward boy to his feet as the drum intro to Sing Sing Sing by Benny Goodman began to play.
"Lance," Keith whined, swallowing hard, "C'mon, I can't dance."
"Sure you can! Nobody's here but me, and what's the worst I would do?"
Keith crossed his arms and leveled Lance with a look, "Hold it over my head for weeks to come."
"Okay, yeah, that's fair." Lance shrugged, offering a grin, "But I already told you that I ogled your muscles years ago so you can always shut me up real quick."
Keith's eyes gradually crinkled in a suppressed smile, arms dropping from their defensive stance, "So we're just operating on blind trust now?"
"We've been operating on blind trust since we got to space, Samurai." Lance's confidence was kicking in, the wild beating of his heart making him brave as he grabbed both of Keith's hands, "So do you trust me?"
Keith was strong hands, dark curled eyelashes, eyes fluttering like smoky purple fires in the dim blue light, "Yeah." He breathed, slightly chapped lips falling apart.
"Then it's dancin' time, baby!"
***
Dancing was fun once Keith stopped being such a pouty jackass. He pretended like he didn't know what he was doing but fell into Lance's silly swing dance easily. Lance twirled him a few times before Keith gave him a look and sloppily twirled him back, making the Red paladin breathless with laughter.
The music slowed after a few songs, dropping gently to a soft beat. And Lance's heartbeat remained quick and hot, the boy in his arms not pulling away.
Everything was tender in the violet light, Keith's hand warm in his, eyes half closed.
And Lance . . . Lance just needed to know.
"Keith?"
He glanced up from their aimlessly moving feet, lashes blinking.
Lance waited, waited . . . Then, "Have you ever been in love?"
Keith stared at him, expression never changing except the twitch of his confused brow. Eyes bore into him, examining the question from every direction before he slowly nodded, not looking away.
Lance felt something in his chest soar at the thought. Angry, aggressive Keith feeling such strong affection for anyone was a soft image. Keith doodling hearts in notebooks. Keith daydreaming of someone.
The image of that filled Lance's heart with an unexplainable fondness, a gentle joy that beat in his chest.
So whispering, he asked with a nearly inaudible voice, "What did it feel like?"
Keith glanced away then, bangs falling forward like a curtain, "Everyone says it feels really happy and you're just a gooey mess, but I don't know if that really explains all of it." His hand left Lance's shoulder, hesitantly tapping his own chest, "It gets really warm right here. And you feel like you might throw up. Everything tingles, it's like sensory overload." Keith's hand fell back onto Lance's shoulder without prompting, fingers spasming only slightly, "Feels like fire, when you stare at it too long." Their gazes met, "But you just can't look away."
Something in his throat tightened, because Keith had never felt confident in his use of words or ability to express his feelings, and yet he was trying. Trying a lot, by his mannerisms, to explain to Lance what it felt like.
Keith's gaze was sure, eyes bright, turn of his lips sharp, "The butterflies in your stomach is a myth, it feels like fucking free falling."
A smile grew on Lance's face, warmth in his chest, "I'm really happy for you. That you've gotten to experience that. That you've been in love."
Keith looked at him, gaze unreadable but gentle.
Then softly, slowly, "Am."
Lance hummed in confusion, brows falling.
The boy looked at their feet, then their delicately intertwined hands, "Am. Present tense."
And then Lance was nearly reeling, "Oh. Whoa-I mean. Oh. . ." He got out, a million thoughts taking off in his mind.
"Yeah." Keith stuttered out in a weak voice, letting his hair fall forward around his face in an attempt to hide his flushed cheeks.
Keith was in love with someone. Like, now. Like in love, now. Now, now. What the fuck? Was Lance really this fucking oblivious?
Keith was in love with someone in the Castle, someone on the team. Well, wait, no, he could have fallen for some dashing Blade member but Keith was kinda stiff and the Blades were even more so than him. So Lance doubted it was a Blade that had beat through Keith's walls but it was still technically possible.
Which left the team. Coran and Pidge were out because gross and Keith was pretty obviously not into girls (Lance wasn't that blind) so Allura was probably out. So that left Shiro and Hunk. And Lance knew the Black paladins were close but there was a bit of an age gap there, plus they had always seemed a little more brotherly in interaction. But who was he to judge? Lance was in love with his stunning English teacher in middle school so maybe it was just one of those permanently unrequited sort of situations.
So, Hunk? That seemed like the most likely out of every scenario. Hunk was extremely kind and caring, plus exactly the type of person Keith seemed like he would trust not to be judged by for his feelings. Oh, and Hunk was kinda the first person to accept Keith's Galra side and they had that Weblum mission together right after all that shit went down. It had to be Hunk.
Half of Lance was proud that Keith could come to terms with those feelings. But the other half teetered on the edge of dread. Because Lance knew that Hunk was kinda down to date whoever in terms of gender, but he was definitely harboring feelings for Shay right now and had been for a while.
So his voice edged on bittersweet when he squeezed Keith's hand, "That's really sweet."
"R-Right. Yeah, I know about . . . It's okay." Keith replied hastily, tension growing in him until he was digging his fingers in Lance's shoulder just a bit too tightly.
God, that sucked. Lance knew Keith was far gone by the way he described it, he had felt just tinglings of those things, but it must have been heartbreaking for someone with as many trust issues as the boy in his arms, "Keith." He said gently, rubbing his thumb just so against the other's shirt.
Keith hummed in question, muscles going rough, entire body tightening as he stared at the floor.
"Look at me."
And he did, eyes more glassy than usual.
"It's okay." Lance promised.
Keith's expression turned pained, eyes glittering with unshed tears, "I know-It's-I've known for a long time, it just feels like shit."
"I'm sorry." Lance whispered, taking him in a half way hug, their endless swaying brought to a stop. Let him breath, let him have time to pull away, "I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I really think you should tell Hunk to clear the air."
Predictably, Keith tensed even more, pulling back from the embrace enough for Lance to know he needed to back off physically, "Why?" He wondered, sounding slightly irritated as he slowly crossed his arms.
So Lance let his hands drop, two boys, two soldiers, standing two feet apart, "Because telling someone your feelings will give you closure, Keith. Hunk needs to know you harbor those kinda things for him."
Keith's hands dropped too, face forming a look of extreme perplexity, "What kind of things?"
He winced, "Uh, shit, I kinda assumed it . . . So a Blade then?"
"Lance, I legitimately don't know what the fuck you're talking about right now." Keith responded flatly, beginning to frown, "If this is some kind of diversion tactic to get me to drop my feelings for you, it's not a very good one."
And . . . And . . . His what?
"My feelings for you." Keith repeated the answer to a question Lance didn't realize he asked out loud, eyes growing more fiery by the second, "You know you don't have to be an asshole about it, just fucking forget I said anything."
Lance ran his hands through his hair, eyes wide, "Keith-No-Your what? I'm-What? Is that what we've been talking about this whole time?"
"Who the fuck did you think I was talking about??" He snapped back, now definitely angry, "Hunk?"
Oh god, this was going to hell so fast. "Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit-Okay, please don't get mad, but, uh, yes?" Lance told him, waving his hands in nervousness, "I didn't-I didn't know who we were talking about so I tried to narrow it down, okay?"
Keith's face dropped into understanding before he slowly frowned again, body retreating to sit where they had earlier, face in his hands, "God, I'm such an idiot." He breathed, more to himself than any one else. Silence, cold and quiet.
Lance didn't know how to explain, hesitantly moving to sit near by, "I'm-I'm a dick." He promised, not even attempting to catch Keith's gaze.
"No, you're not, I wasn't being clear." Keith grumbled into his hands, hair a black mop over his head as he glared at the floor.
Wait, wait . . , "I haven't been clear either." Lance whispered back, pounding heart crawling into his throat, "Why do you think I asked you what . . . What love felt like?"
Silence, blue, black, then violet eyes, glancing up, "What?" He asked simply, jaw sharp, cheeks soft, dark eyebrows raised under gently curling bangs.
"I think-I think I . . ." Lance started, body itching forward, mesmerized, completely entranced, "I don't know if it's love now, but it's something, it's there." All he had ever known was violet.
Keith didn't move, didn't relax, only searched his eyes, "I don't want you to, to be unhappy."
"Keith," And they were both weak, they were both so so weak. Because Lance's hand on his cheek caused Keith's eyes to flutter closed, "Do you really think you're that much of a buzz kill?"
And then he was snorting in a halfway laugh, face curling in a sort of irritation, "God, why-Why do I like you?"
Lance's smile was uncontrollable, tapping his index finger over the soft space at the corner of Keith's eye, "Is it because I can always make you laugh?"
Keith's bit his lip in an attempt to keep his face neutral, eyes shining with joy, "Maybe so, asshole. Probably has something to do with how cute you look in armor."
Every single part of his body turned to burning lava, heart kicking to a terrifying speed, "K-Keith!" He choked, dropping his hand away, "You can't say things like that."
And holy fucking shit, both of Keith's hands are on his jaw, warm and calloused and lovely, "Don't dish it if you can't take it, Sharpshooter." Fuck, Keith was grinning and close and completely turned towards him, fuck-fuck-fuck. And then his face was falling gently, cheeks pink and eyes beautiful, hesitant, "So are we okay?"
Look, Lance has had two broken ribs before and the breath knocked out of him countless times, but it had never, ever, been harder to breath. Because fuck, Keith's tender smiles were gonna give him an actual heart attack, "Y-Yeah. Good. Us."
Then he was grinning freely, eyes crinkling on the corners, "Good. Could I maybe . . ?"
"What?"
Keith's gaze flickered down to his lips and oh. Oh.
Lance backpedaled, leaning away and holding his burning neck, "Ha! Uh, right! Cool, I mean, yeah, wait, like---"
The other boy offered him a small smile, looking down at Lance's t-shirt, "We don't have to . . ."
"No!" He burst out, "I mean, uh, no. I-Yes-Um." Stupid, stupid, stupid! Get a hold of yourself!
"Lance, it's alright. Don't have a seizure or anything."
"No-I mean-I know! Shit, sorry, I've never actually kissed someone on the mouth before." Fuck, he didn't mean to say that. How old was he? Thirteen? 'Kiss on the mouth' was such a fucking middle school phrase!
"Oh," Keith said, his voice perfectly normal unlike the other boy, eyebrows raised in surprise, "I don't mind, if that's what you think. But if you want to wait, that's fine . . . I mean, I think we've decided that there could be other times?" He phrased it like a question, eyes on restless fingers picking at his own clothes.
Lance's brain had stopped forming words, only keysmashes and screaming, "Yes. Yeah. Other times sounds cool. I'm just-uh-nervous. Kissing now is good, I'd-um-I'd like it."
And so softly, Keith held his cheeks again, brushing the curls of hair near his ears back, drinking up his face and his eyes and his slowly forming smile, "Everyone kinda sucks their first time. Like sex."
Lance snorted out a weak laugh, "How about you not talk about how I'm probably gonna be bad at this."
Closer, closer, until Lance's eyes are struggling to focus on his whole face, his scar, his jaw, warm breath across Lance's cheek. Then hesitantly, "So I've been told I'm kind of a rough kisser . . ." Keith started quietly, with no intention of finishing the thought, making the other boy snort another laugh.
Lance tried to take him all in, gather every detail of his face, the tender cheekbones, maroon shade of his lips in the dim light, "Go easy on me, okay?"
Keith was so so close, smile brushed away, eyes determined and tender, pulling him forward slowly, "Don't look."
One thousand, one.
Then soft, gentle lips.
Lance expected himself to have some sort of epiphany during his first kiss, to come to some big realization about love and himself, but he didn't. He had no grand understanding, no magical, profound thoughts.
All he could think was, wow.
Keith was hesitant at first, noses pressed together, with a warm breath across Lance's lips. The smell of the Castle soap mixed with sweat settled in Lance's nose, because of course that's what Keith smelled like. Like clean and boy. Like hard work and lavender.
Keith's hands were on his cheeks still, rough and warm hands holding him so softly; his lips moved gently, a pulse of a press against Lance that felt better than anything.
Lance guessed a bit with his eyes closed where Keith's body was and delicately touched the other boy's leg, hand coming to rest on top of his thigh.
Keith hummed, lips still pressed to his, sending a shock wave of hot adrenaline all the way down to Lance's toes, swirling pleasantly in his stomach, making him giddy.
Nice, nice, nice. His brain supplied him. He hoped Keith didn't notice him shiver.
But Lance's shiver made the hands on his cheeks twitch and the lips on his open with a warm breath of air, and oh, oh, oh. Keith slowly guided the other's lips apart, soft and warm and pink, drawing back for only a second before diving forward again, tongue gentle against Lance's bottom lip.
Then a soft whisper, voice low, "Lance . . ."
Every nerve ending in his entire body was electrified. How had he denied himself this? How had he stared at Keith's perfect lips and heard his pretty voice and never done anything about it? Thoughts and daydreams were no match to Keith's lips on his.
Then deeper, less gentle, sloppy and warm; fingers moving involuntarily closer. Lance was breathless, mind spinning as Keith tilted his head to move into Lance's parted lips with little hesitation.
And fuck it, there Keith went again, humming into the boy's mouth.
Lance's hand clenched on the hem of his stupid black t-shirt, praying to god for some sort of grounding so he didn't fucking combust right then and there. But it only encouraged Keith further, kissing desperately like they were some forbidden lovers destined to be apart.
It is the east, and Keith is the sun, Lance remembered. Good to know Shakespeare was good for something, like making out with a former rival.
But then Keith was pulling back all at once, gasping with eyes wide, "Fuck, you said go easy. Sorry, I-Like I said, I'm--"
Lance yanked him forward, hands finding his shirt faster than his brain ever could, pressing them together again in a awkward but loving press of their lips. He leaned back after a second, finding a delirious pleasure in how shell shocked Keith appeared, flushed and out of breath.
"Kiss me." Lance said. And he could hear it all in his own voice, fondness, yearning, a bit of overwhelming desperation.
So Keith dipped forward, eyes on fire, hands on the hot back of his neck, and truly showed no hesitation as he ravished Lance's mouth; burning, sweet and soft.
And then suddenly, he was giggling. Keith Kogane, laughing giddily as he wrapped his arms around Lance's shoulders, pressing their chests closer together until Lance could feel the warmth radiating off him. Keith Kogane, breathlessly grinning with his lips pressed forward over and over again, quick and tender.
It would have been easier to breath that way, except Keith was so close and so, so cute, "Whas' so funny?" Lance managed.
Keith shook his head, smiling with a kiss, kiss, kiss, between them, "Nothing I just owe Shiro some money."
"For what?" Lance wondered out in a whisper, when Keith had finally rested their foreheads against each other's, starting to smile himself.
"I was like fifteen and I said I was gonna be a hermit and live under a rock because I would never find a boyfriend and Shiro, his annoying ass, bet me on it." Keith admitted, violet eyes dancing soft over Lance's features, now fully grinning.
Lance grinned back, knocking their heads just a little, "You should've known better. Shiro is a god amongst men."
Snorting, "God amongst men. You've never seen him cook. He literally burned his kitchen down once trying to make spaghetti."
Lance burst out laughing, stomach aching with a pleasant pain as he tried to stifle his giggles, "He didn't."
Keith was smiling, dimple cute and visible, indigo eyes shining, "He did. And that's not even mentioning the time that he poured ungrounded coffee beans into some hot water and tried to drink it."
The boy fell into laughter again, held tight to Keith by his shoulders, foreheads still pressed against each other. Lance slowly got control of himself, opening his eyes to Keith's gaze tracing his features fondly and oh, he knew that look, he had lost sleep over that look, "So?" He prompted, the other eyes snapping back to his in a embarrassed surprise.
"So?" Keith repeated, blinking gently as his eyebrows knotted.
"Are you gonna ask me out or are you gonna become a hermit and live under a rock?" Lance asked confidently, smirk twitching uncontrollably at his lips.
Keith went adorably flustered, cheeks pink, eyes down, fingers dancing nervously over the back of Lance's shoulders, "Um, would you like to? Go out with me, I mean. N-No pressure."
So Lance whispered, face hurting from how big his grin was, "I'd love to Keith, sounds awesome."
***
They talked for a while after that, before they both realized that the others would be up soon, and they should probably at least shower and try to look like they had slept. It wouldn't be any fun to have the others find out without messing with them a little.
Lance's muscles were weak and aching but his spirit was on cloud nine with no sign of coming down. Keith had walked him back to his bedroom, hesitantly pecking his cheek with a good night and retreating quickly into his own room. Which was making Lance soft as fuck because they had been making out like two hours ago and now Keith was getting all blushy when their hands touched. And it felt so strangely right that Lance might have nearly swooned a few times.
Hell fucking yeah he liked Keith, Shiro was always right.
Lance headed to the bathroom, took a warm shower and subconsciously sung jazz the entire time.
***
Lance's leg had been bouncing under the dining table for a quarter of a varga now, fork poking randomly at his food goo while the others talked.
Everyone ate breakfast together, it was really important to Hunk, and Lance usually loved being around people to start the day. But Keith wasn't there yet, his chair next to Lance's open and empty like its goal was to taunt him.
Stupid chair.
Allura was complimenting Hunk as he passed out freshly baked muffins, the two of them quickly picking up a discussion on how to use juniberries in the next muffin recipe.
And then, boom! There was Keith, standing in the doorway, hair more wavy than usual, hands nervously twitching by his sides.
"Good mornin' Sleeping Beauty!" Lance's loud voice announced without his consent, "There's a seat right here." And patted his own fucking lap.
Everyone fell into an awkward silence obviously, as Keith stood there, eyes wide. Lance racked his brain to try to come up with something normal to say but the only word he could think of at the current moment was 'yeet'. And that wouldn't do him any good.
But then Keith was walking to his chair, lips pressed together and . . . Lance caught the smallest edge of a smirk on his face before the paladin plopped unceremoniously into Lance's lap.
"Good morning dumbass." Keith told him, fond voice not matching his words. He looked at Lance over his shoulder, shooting him a hesitant grin before turning back and offering his hand for Lance to hold.
And, nice, nice, nice, Keith's hands were warm and rough, fingers intertwined with his on the dining table, Lance gathering his confidence to set his chin on Keith's shoulder. The boy tensed a little and sent him a look that was probably meant to be menacing, but soon relaxed and squeezed his hand in reassurance.
His heart was beating quickly but it was full of warmth and excitement, not fear, and Keith's shoulder was firm and muscled, a comfortable resting place. So much so that Lance found himself closing his eyes and letting out a deep sigh, every part of his tense body coming undone---
"Alright," Pidge spoke up suddenly, slamming her fist down on the table and surprising the two boys into jumping, "What the fuck is going on??"
Keith's shoulders went rough and Lance's palms felt sweaty, "Uh, you know, bro cuddling." Lance said, only making the situation worse, "Straightness. Platonic hand holding. All that. What's up with you?" His voice cracked, good Lord.
"They were kissing on the control deck last night." Allura jumped in, smug and matter-of-factly. Which of course had Hunk gasping so hard that he choked, Pidge standing up and slamming both palms down on the table with a loud shout of how she knew it!
But there was Shiro, raising his eyebrows at them both, "Really? In front of my salad?"
Then Keith was laughing, full and happy, and Lance couldn't help it, they were all so ridiculous, and everyone slowly dissolved into laughter, breathless and on the verge of tears.
Lance, heart thundering, laughing, hand in his, couldn't remember the last time he had felt so whole.