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"Stop moving around so much", Sirius words were spoken hard but not without compassion.
"Sorry, I hate that part"
"I know", Sirius was muttering concentrated on the task at hand.
The necessary routine had become a secret escape from the outside world. Totally uncomfortable for Remus and at least a little nerve-racking for Sirius, they normally still enjoyed the hidden time together.
************
It had been his second year in Hogwarts and the first full moon after Christmas, when Remus awoke in the hospital wing- different than ever before.
His eyes still closed, he listened to the young Madame Pomfrey humming a popular wizard love song. In the time he had been in Hogwarts he really had grown close to the medi-witch and he smirked thinking about how sincere she had appeared to him back in the beginning of his first year. Remus could not remember being brought back to the castle in the morning, but as this was sometimes the case he did not think of it twice and just opened his eyes.
A scared scream surfaced on his lips as he saw the world painted in deep shadows and highlighted colours - the different shades vibrating through the air. This was not right.
Madame Pomfrey's humming had instantly stopped. She hurried to the bed, her wand ready. "So there was a change within", the young healer almost sounded triumphing.
"What do you mean? What is happening to me?", Remus' voice still carrying the shock of his new vision.
"Well, Mr. Lupin, I am afraid you are a teenage werewolf now. Of course nobody could have foreseen these changes ..."
"Changes?", Remus' heart skipped a beat. His hands were rising to his face in anticipation of - of what exactly? A snout? A big sign that says BEWARE TEENAGE WEREWOLF?
No, there was nothing like that. As far as his hands could make out, his face was still the one of good old Remus Lupin.
He grounded his teeth together, as he did so often, feeling those upper canines that had grown a bit to long after his seconds had come in at the age of seven. "Wolf teeth" the word lingered in his mind while Madame Pomfrey hushed away his hands and took to inspect his eyes. "We will have to figure out if we can glammer them back to brown".
Remus' heart skipped another beat. In his mind he pictured those black eyes that were haunting his dreams ever since he had been attacked and bitten.
"When you are ready". Madame Pomfrey placed a mirror in his now resting hands. With this she draw the curtains and went to search for an answer to the question at hand.
Remus hands were shaking, but he knew it was pointless to wait any longer and his anticipation of the awaiting horror grew with every second. So he gave himself a push and turned the mirror to look into the scared face reflected back to him.
Still not used to his new vision he found his eyes in the mirror. They looked unsure, doubting and scared, even more scared then usually. But there was something else. Not the black void that gave him nightmares, but the brown he had gotten so used to was replaced by a golden and taunting yellow. The eyes of a wolf.
Taunting, yes, but somehow strangely familiar and .. He could not put a finger on it. Sirius' silver eyes flashed on his mind and Remus chuckled. He could picture his best friend's look when seeing that he no longer was the only marauder with a special eye colour. Of course, Remus had to remember himself, he could not share this with his friends. Secrecy was his only protection.
This time he stayed longer than usually in the closed hospital wing. Not because of his new scratches - Madame Pomfrey had healed them even before he had awoken in the morning after the full moon. But the healer just couldn't figure out a way of covering the new glow of his eyes. It was not of lack off trying, of course. But even with the help of potions and a very well exercised glammer charm, his eyes had broken free from the magic.
Even Dumbledore and McGonagall failed at this task, his house teacher being extra careful, not wanting to crush her pupils eyes under her heavy transformation work. Dumbledore had not been very helpful as it was. The cheerful headmaster had little compassion in his curiosity. In the end, it had been Remus' mother, who came up with the most muggle solution ever to a werewolf problem.
The dyed contact lenses gave Remus a headache for the first two days, but eventually Madame Pomfrey had figured out a potion to give him some ease with this new arrangement.
*****
It wasn't before the third year and an especial awkward October for Remus (in which he had woken up more than once too aroused from dreams he could not remember that left him forced to wait a few minutes to leave his bed and face the other dorm members) that he awoke from another full moon, changed again. The slight change must have slipped the otherwise so thorough medi-witch. Or maybe she did not think anything of it. Remus only became aware of the implications during his first day back to class.
Of course puberty had hit Remus just like the other marauders. He had felt the glares that had faced him, when coming back to school, suddenly the tallest of his year. The mocking became part of the marauder's joke routine and even the girls had started to notice the hormones flushing through the boy's bodies - making, on top off all, Sirius and James more reckless than ever before.
Yes, Remus had noticed the changes within his friends. James only seemed to get more muscular and defined, his face broadened and his eyes behind the glass narrowing whenever Lily Evans was around. Peter was still chubby as ever, but he was trying (and falling) to rock a very fragile moustache. Sirius... Sirius. The raven haired marauder, being part of the Black family, had been a handsome boy by every standard. But his rebellious nature mixed with the hate for his families poshness, just had encouraged him to make himself the most outrageous good looking provocateur in all of Hogwarts history (as he himself was sure of). Not as tall as Remus or even James, he had grown in perfect proportion, his facial features included.
But with full on puberty, Remus felt as if the wolf inside him had decided not only to stretch his body as much as possible, but also to make him a hairy mess.
He gotten used to shaving in the past summer, cutting his fast growing hair by himself every weekend to match the Hogwarts dress codes for boys (which only Sirius seemed to get around). But this now was very uncomfortable.
His heavy book bag had almost scrubbed through his shirt meeting the random thick, golden hairs that had sprouted on his shoulders since the last moon. Uncomfortable he tried to shift the bag from one shoulder to the other, but it was useless. His skin was already sore.
Sirius raised an questioning eyebrow in his direction and Remus just tried to get away with a shrug. He knew that this would not be enough to satisfy the curiosity of the other boy, but he could not think about anything else. Why did Sirius have to be so nosy all the time? At least he had dropped to question him about his regular sick leaves. But Remus' furry little problem, up until now just a lunar periodic, just had become a fulltime body hair drama.
Remus waited for the other boys to draw their curtains and then some more until he could hear their breaths settling in their sleep. He got up in the dark, easily manoeuvring around Sirius' mess, to which raven haired marauder just referred to as his "homage de boheme", and closed the bathroom door behind him. He had already taken his contacts out to leave them in their potion for the night, so the mirror image he met was the vision of a face never appearing in front of his friends.
He had gotten used to his night time beauty regime and searched for his razor in the only bathroom shelf that was not a complete mess. The werewolf boy, now looking the name more than ever, removed his shirt and lend forwards to the mirror to inspect the damage done to his shoulders. The friction had left his shoulders not only sore, but almost bruised, and Remus hissed when the razor met the already stricken skin.
It appeared as if the random golden hairs did not behave in a normal beard-like fashion, but were hard and sharp like needles. At least there were only a few to worry about.
"Remus?", Sirius sleepy voice carried over to Remus' ears, them, instantly, slightly turning in reaction to the sound. His hand holding the razor slipped and blood was gushing from his shoulder.
"O Remus, what the hell?"
Sirius was across the room before Remus could stop him. He gripped a towel and pressed it against the werewolf's shoulder.
"What are you doing here? Are you okay? Why would you..." But Sirius could not finish his sentence because halfway through he met Remus' eyes.
The pupil within the yellow iris narrowed. "Sirius... don't. You can't... what are you even... you are supposed to sleep".
But Sirius did not listen, his eyes still were fixated on those of the other boy.
"So... is this normal for werewolves?"
The question took Remus by surprise. Sirius' hand was still pressing the towel to his shoulders but the other stretching out to touch the werewolf's temple.
In an attempt to save himself from the unwanted attention Remus slapped the stretching hand away.
"Ooo.. what was that for?", the silver eye boy hissed, but still kept on providing pressure with the towel.
"You know?"
"Remus, siriusly?", he always pronounced the world like his name and it made everyone mad. "I am a marauder mastermind!" He tried to reach for Remus face again, but just as before got slapped for it.
Remus let go of the razor, placing the bloody blade on the basin and then taking the towel away from Sirius, applying pressure by himself.
"Sirius...", he did not know what to say. He really wanted his friend out of the bathroom, but if he kicked him out now the heat headed marauder could do whatnot and he could not risk being exposed.
Their eyes were still fixated on each other, both of them, so it seemed trapped in the others look, curious to explore the otherness.
"Remus... I know you don't want anyone to know that's why I kept quite after knowing for sure", his voice almost hushed. Remus raised his eyebrows, "But you stopped bothering me one year ago", than realising to the fullest extend: "you have known for one year?"
Sirius dropped his eyes to the ground, his black hair coming loose from the ponytail with every quick movement. "Am I going to turn when I lick this?" He held out his bloody hand with a grin on his face.
"Oh for fuck sake, home here!" Although Sirius Black was not known for his compliance he followed the order. Remus dropped the towel, his wound instantly reacting to the fresh air with a burning sensation.
Remus made sure that all of his sticky blood was washed from his friends hand.
"What where you doing with the razor?", Remus suddenly was aware of a new tone in his friends voice. Was it pity? "Remus... were you hurting yourself?" It wasn't pity then, it was Sirius awkward attempt to be sincere.
Remus' reply was much softer than he had anticipated: "No, nothing like that, I have enough scars at it is"
Suddenly realising he did not have a shirt on, he let go off Sirius' hands under the cool running water and seriously panicking at this point turned to find his shirt.
"Remus. Stop. It's okay"
Remus felt a hand on his uninjured shoulder, just above the huge bite mark he was carrying since the age of four.
In defeat he turned around. Sirius face, most of the time engaged in some kind of dramatic or mischievous expression looked calm. "So, what where you doing?"
Remus knew it was pointless to lie. And looking at Sirius he, for the first time since coming to Hogwarts, felt no need to keep on lying. His secret was now shared knowledge.
"So you are really wearing small, hard thingies in your eyes? ... muggles are so strange" Sirius was sucking up every bit of information.
When it came to Remus new found beauty routine the boy signed with envy, "I wish I had that grooming possibilities .... no wait I take it back ... Peter wishes to have those grooming possibilities..." and then, "So that's why you have these shitty haircuts that are just unacceptable". He was trembling with laughter and even Remus would have never admitted it, but it felt good to finally share.
After finishing to explain the perks (very few) and downs (a lot) of being a teenage werewolf and endless questioning by his room mate, Sirius was left with a stupid expression on his face, something that was utterly unfitting for the otherwise so smug boy. They were now sitting next to each other on the bath tub edge and Remus was relieved to not having to face his friend after everything he just told him- finally told him. "How can you even go through this and still be top of the class in most of the subjects? Is it a werewolf thing?" "Not everything is a werewolf thing, some of us just study". Sirius shoved him, Remus almost losing his balance. "Stop it you nutter" - "Oh, bite me!"
It was meant as a joke but it slapped Remus right back into reality. Sirius notices the shift in atmosphere and caught slightly: "Ok I understand... too soon". There was no point of starting a fight. "Yes, too soon"
Sirius smiled that Black smile, without any of the hate that was part of it with so many of them - just pure joy.
"So, you are really lucky I guess"
Remus looked at his friend, astonished at how Sirius could be so effortless positive.
"And why is this?"
"Because you just gained access to the most abled style and beauty companion in all the boy dormitories of Hogwarts", his smile widened into a grin.
"Oh you are so full of yourself".
But Remus smiled and after this night he never had to show up to the great hall with a bad haircut again.
*****
"Stop moving around so much", Sirius words were spoken hard but not without compassion.
"Sorry, I hate that part"
"I know", Sirius was muttering concentrated on the task at hand. The silver eyed boy was leaning against his back, using a pair of tweezers to remove the pinching golden hairs.
The necessary routine had become a secret escape from the outside world. Totally uncomfortable for Remus and at least a little nerve-racking for Sirius they normally still enjoyed the hidden time together. Although the other marauders had eventually figured out Remus' furry little problem, they still were oblivious about the extend it had on his body even after changing. It was a small secret that still only belonged to the werewolf and the raven haired marauder.
"Can we get it just over with?", Remus was restless. He could feel the upcoming full moon aching in his skull and the pressure of Sirius bare hands on his naked shoulders were unnerving him even more.
"Oh, bite me", Sirius hissed, a smile noticeable in the joke that, over the years, had become a marauder classic.
Remus had gotten used to his best friends touch's in their private grooming session, but then ... everything had changed. Sirius was no longer a boy, neither of them were and somewhere along the way Remus had caught himself
longing for their secret time together more and more. The gallant, pale hands moving through his freshly cut hair, the other's breath on his neck when concentrated on removing the sharp needled hairs (that thankfully had not grown in numbers).
Sirius, in his overly dramatic fashion, was not only a flirt, but he really could not change anything about his language that was through and through sexy. "Moony, just remove those stupid muggle eye-prisons" (or some other expression that was equally stupid), he would whisper as soon as they closed the bathroom door, "i wanna see your magic eyes".
"They are called contacts" he would respond unnerved but still obliging. This was as much part of their routine as the hair cutting.
Usually, this was enough for Remus. He as well as the other marauders were used to Sirius being an over the top drama queen with a strong desire for the other sex, or for any sex as a matter of fact. But not him, never him, Remus thought.
Sirius gasp triumphing over pinching out the last of the wolf hairs. "Done?", Remus was already grapping his shirt. But Sirius wrapped his arms around him and placed a smooch on his back - just between the shoulder plates, were it was impossible to scrub it away.
"Sirius, please don't", his word had been calm. But before he realised it, he was trapped in one of Sirius favourite games. He dramatically leaned over, one hand over his face: "you don't love me", fake sobbing away.
But Remus was not in the mood. He got up pulling his shirt over his scared upper body.
"You don't love me?", Sirius had dropped the fake drama in his voice and was now speaking with the sad tone that had slipped in his voice since the last summer when he had the definite fallout with Regulus.
Remus turned his head, his yellow eyes meeting the silver and he signed.
Hugging Sirius was the most natural thing in the world. It was even so natural that Remus had to force himself to loosen the grip. But Sirius tightened his and would not let him go. His face was snuggling against his shoulder. Remus just went limp, his hands next to his side. But the other boy was not having it. He nudged his head against the werewolf's collarbone. But Remus did not move, could not move. The raven haired marauder forced him in a mutual hug by grapping his hands to engage him again. The wolf in Remus head growled and strengthen his grip around his brain, sending out a new wave of headache. Remus let out a small grunt between his teeth.
"Wolf?"
It was just unnerving how well this wizard knew him. Unnerving and strangely comforting.
With this assuring thought Remus let himself sink into the hug, grapping the back of Sirius shirt and inhaling the scent of his best friend. Cigarette smoke, leather, shampoo and a little wiff of something more animalistic, just like the time they had to brew Amortentia. Remus had known then and he knew now, but he had also heard Sirius mumbling something about maple syrup and what else ... what had it been?
"What are you thinking?" Sirius voice still had the sad tone within it. They were still hugging tightly and even if he would, even if he could, he knew that Sirius was not ready to let go. No until his voice recovered. "I forgot, nothing important".
"I was thinking about you", Remus could hear the riddle that lay underneath the sentence. His head was on top of Sirius head, the smell of shampoo streaming into his nose.
"Our next prank?"
Sirius index finger painfully flipped against his ear. Then it went straight back in the hug.
"How is it that I knew you so well and you know me so little", Remus shrugged. Sirius had always so much on his mind. You could never know what he was up to. "I guess I am a very simple bloke, you know. And you are so complicated...", even Remus was puzzled about his phrasing.
"You mean a simple bloke that is a werewolf wizard genius"
Remus snorted in response.
"You mean a simple bloke - werewolf wizard genius - that let himself be hugged by a known bisexual behind closed bathroom doors in the middle of the night?"
Remus snorted even louder.
"You mean a simple bloke - werewolf wizard genius - known-bisexual-behind-closed-doors -hugger - that is the most in denial person I have ever witnessed, including Lily Evans who clearly is in love with James AND my brother who despite believing he is a dark, mysterious, dangerous Black really is as cuddly as a baby bunny?"
Remus snorted again, just repeating his former action, not really following what Sirius had just said. He was willing to play this game as long as Sirius still mumbled into his shirt- throwing shockwaves through is body with every word.
"Remus?"
He forced himself to reply with a sigh.
"I can feel you".
"We hug".
"I can feel even more of you"
"Oh shit", Remus gasped, trying to pull away, but Sirius hug was a tight as ever. Remus could have shoved him away, but he wasn't ready to hurt him and more than anything else he wanted the hug to last.
Sirius had not pulled away and now he grinded his head on Remus bristly chin.
As long as they did not end the hug Remus still was still safe. They had not done anything, they had not done anything worth talking about. Sirius and James hugged all the time. They hugged all the time. Sirius was a hugger.
"Hush your thoughts", Sirius voice was barely a whisper. It was the second time this evening Remus felt as if Sirius could read his mind.
Sirius hands wandered to his neck, pulling the hair he had brought into a new shape earlier this night. It was a needy tease, a cheap trick. Remus did not need more encouragement. Sirius whisper had swept away all thoughts and every inch of his prudence.
When Sirius hands pulled his face down towards his their eyes met. Glimmering, taunted yellow and the only silver Remus could not get enough off. Sirius skipped to his toes and lifted his lips to Remus temple- wandering to his now closed eyes, placing a soft kiss on one lid and then the other.
Brushing his lips over Remus' cheek, an almost silent gasp escaped between the werewolf's pointy canines.
Remus' hands had wandered to the other's hip- pressing it closely to his own. He could feel Sirius excitement growing as fast as his own. This was okay, it was just their bodies reacting to pressure and friction. If they would kiss though and every second it got more likely that they would... than this would be...
"Fuck, Sirius ... wait", he did not let go though. On one hand, he did not want it to end like this, but on the other he was not ready to look in those silver eyes and repeating his objection.
"Just ... This isn't a game for me", he stumbled.
Just like this, Sirius tilted his head to meet his eyes.
"I know, you maple syrup eyed werewolf wizard genius"
"Maple syrup, aye?"
Sirius could not hide that grin emerging on his face and he hurried to kiss Remus to share the smile with the boy he loved.
*******
"So Sirius who is it this time?", James ignored Lily snorting in response to the question. For the sake of common room quality they decided to just ignore each others attempts for attention. "Please don't tell me it's this Slytherin girl - isn't she related to you or something?"
Remus chuckled, they had decided to leave the marauders in the dark just a little longer. "Oh come on, is it the 'puff from last time?", Peter further taunted "don't tell me you are going monogamous?"
Oh fuck it, Remus thought to himself. You can only first time snog your gorgeous boyfriend in front of all your mutual best friends once. And this as well be it.