Work Text:
Contains: she/her pronouns, heavy angst, Break up, Doctor-soldier relationship, Angst, Hurtful words, Hurt/Comfort, Suicidal thoughts implied, mentions of death.
Word Count: 6,071
Updated on: 08/01/2024
Posted on: 2019 (Wattpad Account)
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"Do you know what was Bertholdt's dream after this?"
"He wants to settle down, marry one day, probably, Annie. Have a family and grow old together."
"Between me and Bertholdt, who do you think is more deserving to live?"
"Why are you asking me that?"
"You know you shouldn't have saved me, (Y/n), you know he deserved it. You should have saved my best friend. You know I don't have the will for this, and yet, you still let your personal agenda cloud your judgment."
"You did it because you are selfish. yes, that... and scared."
"You are selfish for saving me, and scared because you don't want to end up being alone."
"You can't even make a sacrifice. Yeah, you're pathetic."
"I don't think this is going to work."
"Why don't you go on your own? And stay out of my life?!"
"I don't want to stay with someone like you."
Those painful words made her leave.
And there was no assurance that she was ever going back. Reiner extremely hurt her, mentally and emotionally.
It was never his intention to do that to her, but the damage had already been done.
It wasn't his place to begin with, especially to put her in a position to select those who deserve to live and those who are not.
Of all people, why would it be him to put her in this misery?
She isn't some god who could save or take someone's life in a snap of their fingers, she's a doctor for Pete's sake.
Reiner lay down in the hospital bed, alone in pristine-white colors that illuminated the interior of the facility. He keeps recalling that fateful night that he said those words, those words that she didn't even deserve.
She was deeply hurt, her eyebrows furrowed, eyes at the brink of shedding tears. She was angry, confused, and lonely at the same time. Her face contorted with disappointment and betrayal, her heart shattering into pieces from those words that he said, of all people who could hurt her, he was the last person she thought might do that to her, but he still did.
And instead of sorting out their communication like a grown adult by asking about the situation first, Reiner decided to act like a child and fucked up everything, yelling out all of his frustration and anger toward her because he let his emotions get in the way.
By his wrong choice of words, Reiner said those things as if she wasn't his lover, as if his world doesn't revolve around her.
(Y/N) doesn't deserve any of this, she doesn't deserve any of those words thrown at her. She was just trying her best to save the both of us on the brink of death, and yet, Reiner didn't save her peace of mind, and instead, blamed her and guilt-tripped her into thinking that she did the wrong thing.
She slipped away, Reiner left her slipped away, and he can't imagine himself dealing with loss, of him losing her.
He should have chased after her that night, he should have gotten up from the hospital bed, taken all of his remaining strength to walk towards her, and apologized.
But he did nothing, he remained frozen there, lying shamelessly in the hospital bed, his muscular frame hooked with needles and tubes.
Reiner did let emotion get the best of him by saying the most vile words, and it was too late until he realized that the time he said those words, that's also the same time that he let her go.
What Reiner accused her of was beyond unforgivable, and no prayers could save him from this misery. Surely, once he realized the grave of his words, at that instant, he tried all his might to find her. The morning after that night, he went to her station, anywhere that she might be at that moment. Her workplace, her friends, her colleagues, and even the places she went to whenever she was upset.
A day too late before he realized she departed from his life on one fateful night.
He was hopeless, Reiner promised himself that if he saw her again, the first thing that he'd do was apologize to her. He wouldn't ask it, because, he thinks that forgiveness isn't like things that are easy to ask for, and what kind of person would he be if he forced her to ask that.
The second he'll do is, he wouldn't let her slip away, even if (Y/n) doesn't give him a second chance, at least, she's in his line of sight, where he can see that she's safe, considering that there's an on-going battle in their country, there's a high probability that they wouldn't make it.
And that's the last thing that should happen, (Y/n) was too important in the military, and to his life as well.
If he had let her explain everything before reacting, then he would know that his best friend, Bertholdt Hoover, survived the brink of life and death, because, truthfully, he was lying unconscious in the hospital bed near his room in the hospital. How they both ended up in the hospital emergency room was due to the ongoing war between Marley and Mid-East. Reiner and Bertholdt fought on the battlefield for over 48 hours to defend their country, with all their strength and dedication, fighting as if this would be the last. In the end, the war didn't stop even if many of their comrades died in the war and several ended up in the hospital.
Reiner and Bertholdt have been inseparable since they were kids. Both men enlisted as cadets during their teenage years, and both trained together, but now, the only thing that separated them was the curtains that served as a divider. That time, Reiner really thought that Bertholdt did not make it.
But it was wrong to assume what was happening in front of his eyes, especially if he didn't know the truth. Bertholdt Hoover isn't dead, but rather, succumbed to a coma due to extreme injuries. At the time that their unit arrived in the hospital, (Y/n) was in charge of treating Bertholdt, Reiner, and 3 other soldiers with fewer injuries, those who survived the explosion in the battlefield due to the droppings of bombs at their location.
2 weeks after the incident, Bertholdt woke up from a coma.
But fate doesn't side with Reiner Braun, he deemed himself as someone 99% right of the time, but unbeknownst to him, this is the 1% of his gut that wasn't deemed right. His instinct malfunctioned at the wrong time, and at what cost?
Losing her.
He learned the truth through the doctor who replaced (Y/N) right after he gained consciousness, explaining that, as the selfless woman that she is, (Y/N) donated her blood to him.
As a doctor, (Y/N) knew, by observing the physical situation between him and Bertholdt, that he was the one who needed the medical attention the most, although Bertholdt was as much in a critical condition as he, succumbing to temporary trauma, he, meanwhile, might lose his life any minute due to blood loss and shock. Besides, (Y/N) and Reiner have the same blood type, compatible even in the world of blood banking, so, she was suited. Besides, the hospital at that time also lacked blood bags and no one could donate because most of their comrades were dead, and blood bags had already been used previously.
And this outcome leads to this shit right now.
Reiner liked to think that his survival made any sense, that his life was given to him for a second chance and restart a new life, but it doesn't, it doesn't make any sense, knowing that she's gone in his life.
What's the point of having second chances if the person he longed the most wasn't present in his life?
The last time he heard about her was that (Y/N) had asked her seniors to change her medical station to finish her remaining months in residency, and according to her colleagues, (Y/N) suffered from a medical condition, but doesn't have a choice due to the hospital and barracks being short staff with health-care providers. Other than her medical records, no words came out from her, not even a goodbye to her friends and co-workers.
No matter how Reiner tried, he couldn't find her anywhere, maybe due to the fact that the staff are not allowed to disclose information regarding their whereabouts. Reiner also visited where she was stationed before, but she couldn't be found anywhere. His schedule and calling of his superior in front of the battlefield don't help either. He fucked up, big time.
Because of him, she left everything all behind, her dream to work here as a medical doctor in the camp. The work experience that she told him that she wanted to achieve years ago would improve her skills and it will look good on her resume, and he ruined all the chances she got through this.
She was a military doctor, and Reiner was a vice commander.
Both their lives are in the front.
And what makes him more mad at himself is that she might be in danger if her superior ever stationed her in the least secure base, and he doesn't even know where to find her.
Reiner doesn't know where to begin with.
He was starting to lose fate, fate in himself, and losing hope that he might ever see her again.
"Any news?" Bertholdt approached his longed-time friend, which made the blonde-haired man snap out of his thoughts. He doesn't stop asking for updates on her whereabouts, (Y/N) was his friend too. But up until now, even he, the Vice Commander of the Marleyan unit, couldn't answer his friend's queries, knowing that he'd obtain a disappointing answer, which might make the ambiance heavier than before.
It's been two months and there's still no trace of her being.
Reiner pinched the bridge of his nose due to frustration. Frustration at himself because he did not know that he could do better. He kept blaming himself every chance that he got, there are no days that he doesn't remind himself that this is all his fault, if he had been patient to wait for answers and the right time to talk calmly or wait for someone to explain everything about their medical condition, then the situation wouldn't be like this right now.
"Bertholdt, I do not know what to do. This is all my fault." Reiner blurted out in a weak tone. looking down shamelessly, grabbing his face in his palm out of frustration. He couldn't even look Bertholdt in the eyes, because Reiner knew that he always ended up disappointing everybody, including his own best friend.
"Don't blame yourself, Reiner. Everything will be alright. You will see her again. You should just wait for the perfect time." Bertholdt tried his best to cheer his best friend up despite of the uncertainty and the possibility that Reiner might not see her. Still, Bertholdt managed to encourage his longed-time friend as much as possible, so it might be hope and motivation for Reiner to continue to look for her.
"Don't worry, I'll help to find her. I would ask my acquaintances and friends to find her whereabouts. Don't lose hope, Reiner." He patted the blonde man's back, temporarily soothing the sorrow that was building up inside of him.
"Thanks, bro." He nodded. Suddenly, his phone rang. Bertholdt looked at his pocket and picked his phone up.
"My girlfriend is calling, gotta pick this up." He stood from his seat across Reiner. Bertholdt excused himself, then left. They were both discharged from the hospital, Reiner was, 2 weeks ago. while Bertholdt was discharged recently, a week ago.
Before their discharge from the hospital, Y/N and Reiner were engaged in a heated argument. That same day, Y/N left.
With no trace.
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(Y/n)'s POV
The ambiance of the hallway that she was walking in reminds her a lot of the eerie life that she's always living with. A battleground, a warzone that she'd fought for years ago, a bridge in between that screams life and death, and all she could do was to save those she could save, but most of the time, watch someone die before her eyes, and she couldn't do anything about it.
But that's how her life is, and will always have been. She's a freaking doctor, this doesn't surprise her anymore. After all, It is her job to make a decision since she's a health professional.
She watched as the hospital staff lifted the body of a patient away from a hospital bed as she peeked through the slightly open door. Now, it is time to do her job, to save someone's life.
As she passed numerous doors, she couldn't stop herself from walking down through the memory lane of the past. Sometimes, this place was surrounded by the grief of people in need of saving, their eyes were full of sadness and anxiety oozing from within. The silent pleas to be saved from certain death can be seen through the hollowed eyes of these patients. Everyone was busy at the moment, and they could see the nurses running around the area. There are too many patients in the hospital, and the ratio of nurses and hospital staff wasn't enough to accommodate the injured. As of now, the number of patients is increasing due to soldiers being rushed to the medical basement.
It is her duty to do rounds and check the conditions of each patient, even if she doesn't get enough sleep and didn't eat much, well, since yesterday, and it's nothing new, she doesn't have a choice either since she had been through the worst situation, to the point that she could no longer felt hunger or thirsts.
"Doctor YN, there you are!! there are too many patients right now, and we received a call that there are many soldiers to be rushed here in 20 minutes. Dr. Yeager said that we need you to check some of them later." A nurse came running at her from the other room the moment the nurse saw her. By staring at the nurse's face, YN could picture that this nurse wasn't new to these stressful and toxic shifts, especially in the middle of a war, might be a newbie, she thought.
The nurse was panicking from tending too many patients, especially since some of them were in critical condition, and the majority were dead on arrival.
"Where are the new patients?" YN calmly asked as she started to wear another set of medical gloves in her hand. A while ago, her coat was covered in blood and fluids, but now, the nurse gave her another set of coats.
YN immediately grabs the things needed to aid the patients. She thanked the nurse since the medical equipment was already disinfected and cleansed, and a new set of syringes, cotton, tubes, and gauze was replaced that instant, which is a good thing in times of hell.
"In the northward." The nurse instructed her to go where she was assigned to. The ratio of every nurse assisting doctors and patients was insufficient, so YN needed to double her time and patience, there was no room for panic attacks because they could not afford to waste more time. Life and death are around the corner at any minute, and one patient could die. Maybe several.
YN ran through the hallways northward, adrenaline rush was triggered inside of her as she received the order.
She checked the conditions of the patients, who suffered from wounds caused by gunshots, bomb explosions, and fallen debris caused by missiles. As she scanned the remaining wounded soldiers, a certain blonde guy caught her attention, a familiar one, who was lying in the hospital bed of the northward.
"There's no way he would be destined here." she thought.
It was Porco Galliard, one of her ex's subordinates in the military regiment.
It's been two months since she saw one of them, including him. It was intentional since she cut off any connections regarding him, and that includes his colleagues. She had asked her superiors before to not reveal her whereabouts to any of them, nor any trace of her next displacement. Because truthfully, this is the best for both of them.
Porco was barely unconscious in the bed, his head was covered with his own pool of blood, his face, and torso with specks of dust and wounds. Some gun wounds are visible in his body. His eyes were nearly closed as if he passed out, but his facial expression stated otherwise, his face showed an unbearable pain, and his eyebrows furrowed down, restricting himself from shouting due to pain.
In this field, she doesn't have a choice who to choose or confront, even if it's the most hated person or if it's the person is the one she wants to avoid most of the time, that doesn't matter.
So, YN walked towards where Porco was lying, near the hospital bed he was currently lying in.
"Stay still, I need you to open your eyes, Porco. You can do it. Got it?". YN held his hands as a form of comfort through his sufferings. Porco recognized that familiar voice even if his eyes were closed. So, as he slightly opened his eyes, he recognized who that voice was coming from. It was from the woman who was absent from their lives for months, the woman whom his friend desperately wanted to see.
Porco gently squeezes her hands, acknowledging her presence. He blinked a few times to adjust his eyesight from the light. Before he fully opens his eyes.
"Y-YN?" Porco said in disbelief. He was also her friend after all, since Reiner introduced him to her. She could remember Reiner telling her his childhood banter with Porco, that Porco used to bully him during elementary days, even until their training as a cadet. He was Reiner's rival. But YN couldn't care less, since they ended up being friends after all these years of banter, and they tend to support each other's back during rough times, especially during this time of war and chaos.
So, instead of saying something, anything, she silently smiled at him, acquiring the disinfectant solutions and cotton that was laid among the medical equipment, which was soon to be used for tending his wounds.
"Hold still, this might hurt a bit. You can do this." She said.
"mmh...." His skin was almost pale as white. Porco lost too much blood and YN knew that if she wasted any time here, any minute he might not make it.
She must do her part as a Doctor. So, first, YN cleaned his cuts and wounds that were covered with dust and dirt using disinfectant solutions. Those shallow cuts and wounds, she covered it with gauze. Afterward, she tended to the deep wounds caused by gunshots by first administering anesthesia, then, disinfecting the wound to prevent it from being infected, she removed the bullet inside of his body one by one, and then stitched him up.
YN was informed that the other medical staff, such as medical technologists, had already drawn his blood for blood typing and further tests, and they were preparing him for a blood transfusion.
Well, he seems okay for now, he is stable. They just need to monitor his state and wait for his recovery in the following hours.
Suddenly, a bomb exploded could be heard near the hospital and military headquarters. They hadn't seen it coming since it was midnight, and an enemy had thrown a bomb on the main camp, where the medical basement and hospital were currently.
The waiting hall, in the eastern part of the Main camp, was bombarded with missile explosions and bullets. As the place succumbed to chaos, everyone screamed at the top of their lungs. Because that means that they don't have time to evacuate all of the patients before the next explosion happens. Some of the staff ran for their lives out of panic, others started to evacuate as much as patients as possible to the nearest exit. Different voices could be heard in the ward as debris started to fall off the ground. The clock is ticking.
"Doctor, we need to leave!" A nurse came running down at her again, that same nurse. This time, her voice was shaking, and more agitated than before, her expression was full of desperation, desperate to survive, just like them.
"There's no one coming for us. We need to escape." Another health professional comes towards them. She held her belongings and another first aid kit that was needed for the evacuation as she escorted her patient across from YN.
"Calm down, we need to get the patients out of here. So help me." YN instructed each one of her colleagues. She was used to this kind of situation because she was the only one who started as a cadet before she pursued pre-med and medical school. While her colleagues were studying off somewhere, she was busting her ass off in the field of the military camp.
So, she learned the art of being calm and attentive in times of emergency.
"Code Red! Evacuate the patient. Stat!" She shouted. Everyone moved into their designated wards and helped each wounded soldier to evacuate from the camp.
Porco was barely unconscious due to anesthesia, but YN managed to lift him up for support, he could barely walk, so she used all her might to support him.
"Porco, you can do it. We're almost there." She tried to encourage him to stay awake for a little, because if he was fully unconscious, she knew they would both die since he was heavy and bulky, and she couldn't carry someone like him. He needed to help himself at some point to survive.
He needed to live, humanity needed him. He is one of the strongest soldiers alongside Bertholdt and Reiner. Their effort and dedication to saving his life a moment ago would have been in vain if he died in this instance.
As they were evacuating out of the main camp, She saw a child, a freaking child! This must be one of the young trainees of Marley, she thought.
A young child lying outside the barracks near the trench was lying unconscious.
One of the biggest decisions that YN have ever made in her life was this exact same situation wherein, she needed to choose between her or the lives of others, an option to stay over or leave everything behind. Just what she did to Reiner. This is the same situation to apply that moral throughout her journey, as a medical doctor.
In her line of work, there's always a possibility that she would be the loser, someone who doesn't have enough time to sleep, rest, eat, or even do her hobbies, in exchange for adding another year of life to someone needs of saving, through the power of science, medicine.
There's also a possibility that she might not make it, especially in this scenario, as a military doctor in the middle of chaos, on the battlefield. She might not see her family or friends, one day, even Reiner.
"Fuck..." Her head felt dizzy, and she felt nauseous out of a sudden. those feelings that felt numb a while ago soon came crashing down at her. It's like a feeling you missed and avoided throughout time, then one day, it'll all come in that instant. That's what she's feeling right now.
The feeling of hunger, fatigue, headache, and stress of lack of sleep came in.
"Crap, why now...." she thought.
"(Y/n), what's wrong?" A half-conscious Porco asked worriedly, clinging to her shoulders tightly to maintain his balance to walk.
"It's just a headache. Let's continue." YN answered.
After the incident 2 months ago, she donated blood, to the point she became anemic, her health also started to deteriorate due to the toxic shifts she endure a few months ago, and it's sucking the life out of her.
At that time, her weak composure couldn't help anyone anymore since she used the remaining energy from evacuating people. but as she stared at the unconscious child lying helplessly near the trench outside, she suddenly had the urge to make a decision.
YN immediately asked her co-worker to grab the half-unconscious blonde from her and bring him to safety, in exchange for her co-worker not returning to the hospital, because, YN would do it. So, she passed Porco to him, and Porco was desperately trying to cling to her, struggling to grasp her again. He gripped her shoulders tightly, not letting her go.
"What are you doing?!"
"H-hey, where are you going, YN? It's dangerous out there!" He is instantly able to focus his eyes, but his sudden strength isn't enough to make her stay.
"Porco, I need to save everyone. So please-"
"No.. I promise Reiner that if I've seen you, I will protect you." He said.
"So please, don't fucking go." He added.
"Porco, I need to do my job. This is not the time for me to be selfish."
She knew that it might be the last time she could see her former colleagues, including that familiar blonde that was once part of her past. It's now or never, so, she secretly slid a paper into one of his pockets without him noticing it. He was focused on only her, so it was time.
She wrote the letter on the day that she left, and she assumed that this moment right now might happen anytime, and it's happening, it's time.
She didn't want to make any regret and waste any time without saying something, anything, to anyone, especially to him. In this time of uncertainty, we must cherish and live the life out of it, just in case she didn't make it out alive. This world is cruel and merciless, but also beautiful, after all.
"If I didn't make it back, tell Reiner that I love him."
TIMESKIP
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"Vice Commander!" A cadet holding a telegram came running towards him, making a salute in his presence.
"At ease." Reiner saluted back.
"I'm hereby to report to you about the occurrence in the northern part of Marley, the main camp, sir." The cadet gave him a telegram that contained confidential information and reports about the unexpected attack in the North Marley.
The telegram that was received from the War Chief hereby explained that the main camp was attacked last night and the military needed reinforcement troops to support the battle in their territory, and they are the reinforcement that was needed.
Their enemies and their regiment agreed that each side wouldn't attack the other's main camp and other base stations, and that, the war should take place only in the battlegrounds, but the telegram stated otherwise that their enemies didn't follow the agreement.
"Cadet, inform the other higher-ups about this. We will send plenty of troops and supplies. I'll go there." Reiner has a bad feeling about this, there's a tight knot that was bubbling inside of him, desperately trying to come out, and this encourages him more to go with the reinforcement troops as much as possible to the North Marley.
He couldn't also stop thinking about YN since last night, he could not sleep at ease since then, wondering what she was doing during that night, did she had eaten dinner, or sleeping or working, did she get enough sleep last night? Is she eating enough? does she still think about him?
Is she even alive?
Fuck this shit. He shouldn't think about that happening, he thought.
He couldn't think properly and it was the worst feeling that he ever felt, especially in the middle of an important mission.
"Vice Commander, Sergeant Major Galliard was assigned in the North Marley." Colt had informed him as they sat in the carriage. He was one of the warriors alongside him, Bertholdt, Annie, Marcel, and Porco. But he was way younger than them.
"How are the other warriors out there?" Reiner asked.
"It is said that most of our soldiers.... they're severely wounded, others didn't make it." Silence engulfed the carriage throughout the trip, and Colt had given Reiner the telegrams and confidential papers that needed to be acknowledged by him as a Vice Commander.
As they got near the main camp, the pressure in his chest kept increasing as time went by. It was past 7 am when they arrived in the North part of Marley.
Reiner got off the wagon, examining the place. The scene before him was in complete chaos. The camp was burned to a crisp, and everything was surrounded by shells of missiles and fallen debris. Blood and limbs of his comrades scattered everywhere, the remains of his fallen comrades remained motionless.
Reiner continues to search the area, trying to find anything, anyone familiar, desperately trying to get rid of the gut feeling in his stomach. He was hoping not to see her here, and he'd be in peace once he completely scoured the area.
But all he saw was the lifeless bodies of several wounded soldiers, some health-allied professionals and staff whom he thought that decided to stay and assist in the last minute of their lives. Some of the establishments were still burning in flames, surrounded by smolders.
He carefully scanned the area, his heart was pumping out of his chest, and the pressure wouldn't stop, increasing tightly as time went by. As he continued roaming the area, he was hoping that the pain in his chest subsides, and eventually go away. He couldn't explain the heavy feeling in his chest, as if there was a heavy object crushing him from above.
"Shit." Reiner cursed under his breath.
He momentarily held his composure, his heart felt numb from the feeling, and his feet started to lose their strength as he saw a familiar (h/c) locks, lying motionless around the area.
She was lying on the ground, her face was pale, as if the blood had taken off of her body. Her once bright eyes lost their brightness, and her blood seeped out of her torso. She was wearing her professional coat, her white coat, sprawled out with a pool of blood, her blood. Her flesh was visibly torn open, and beside her lying, was an unconscious young boy, breathing as if his life depended on it, at the brink of death.
No.
Damn it.
Damn it!
This is not happening, I was late, too late.
If I only knew, If only.....
I couldn't save her...
I failed her.
She wasn't meant to be here, she should be doing her daily rounds far away from this headquarters, away from them, away from the battleground, she wasn't supposed to be here!! He should have run here in an instant in the main camp the moment he felt that uneasiness kicked in. He should've known better, he should have been here in the first place, he's a freaking Vice Commander, goddamn it.
In exchange for her own life, was the life of this child who was lying beside her, barely breathing, nonetheless, alive but unconscious. Reiner knew she would have done something like this, that she would put her life on the line to save other people. She's still the YN that he knew a long time ago, the one he fell in love with. She's always prioritizing other people's lives first before herself.
As he started to hold her in his arms, Reiner couldn't stop the tears coming from his eyes, scanning the remains of his beloved. YN shielded her body from this kid, several bullets pierced down her flesh from the back. The child had gunshots too, but not on the vulnerable part of his body.
"(Y/n), hey, love, wake up."
I'm here now, please, look at me."
"I'm sorry, please, look at me, just this once, please, just for me..." Reiner cradled her in his arms, holding her tightly in his grasp, refusing to let go of her as if his life depended on it. His once pristine and clean uniform was now tainted with her blood. Reiner refused to process what was happening before his eyes,
There must be ways, right? She can still be saved, it's not too late? He thought.
Why won't she look at me? does she hate me this much?
"Why won't she answer me?! any of you, please, help her!!" No one dared to answer, and the only received was the pitiful looks from his reinforcement troops, including Colt.
"She liked my eyes the most, she loved it when she looked at my eyes, why won't she look at it?!"
"YN!! Please....." Reiner had tried calling her, multiple times, but with no luck, his calling remained unanswered. He tried shrugging her frame multiple times, but she didn't move, and why was she cold? why does she feel cold as ice? She was always warm, her warmth always brought him to life, his living reminder that he hasn't taken his own life yet, that he's alive, and she is too, that he's not as hollow and empty as he thought.
She likes it when I call her name, she said it herself to me, a long time ago. Does that mean that she could not hear me anymore? does she no longer hear my voice? He thought.
"Why aren't you answering me? Don't fool me. This is not happening. Please—" He pleaded. desperately, but his plea of words wasn't enough to save her.
"Fuck, What am I supposed to do." Reiner kisses her head, multiple times. But she's not kissing him back, she's not giggling and blushing, she's just there, her empty eyes staring back at the blue sky. Several soldiers started to accompany their Vice Commander, getting the hint of his loss. A soldier took the child from YN's lifeless grasp and took him to their nearest medical carriage.
"I'm sorry sir, but she's gone..."
"No, she's not! I'm not gonna stop until she talks to me, we will talk." There are many things that he wanted to say, starting from that fateful night, the night that she left. Reiner will fix this, he will fix this relationship and beg for her forgiveness. Just because of a misunderstanding and lack of communication, will lead to, this?
"Vice Commander, let me—-" The pleas of their combat medics to accompany the body of YN remain unheard to Reiner, the only voice that he wanted to hear and most importantly, mattered to him the most was YN's.
"Vice Commander, please pass her remains to us so we can--"
"No. Don't touch her." Reiner slowly stood up from the ground, carrying YN's lifeless body, holding her shoulders and legs in his arms. His cries could be heard in the distance, crying out her name.
Reiner wouldn't forget this day until the very end, they took his will to live, the only person who brought light in his life of suffering, they took the only person who gave purpose in his life, which was to protect. They will pay for this, and Reiner will make sure that they will pay for the pain that they caused.
On that same day, Reiner made a vow to himself, a declaration of retaliation towards their enemies. This is the day of a hollow man who was once alive and full of determination, but was now hardly a shell, dead inside.
The same day that he died.
They will regret that this happened, that a day will come when they'll suffer at the hands of a man who loses everything, and destroys the world for her because someone took her away from him, someone took away the life in her eyes.
Reiner will never forget until the day he destroys the depths of the last remains of his enemies, the imagery of his beloved lifeless and motionless in his arms will forever be carved a memory inside his mind. He would always bring the guilt until the day he died, and the regret of not saying how much she meant to him.
They said that the only way for your wish to be granted, such as, to be reunited in the next life or in the afterlife with the one you loved, is to make a promise to the dead by whispering in their remains.
At one last attempt, Reiner bent over, hoping that his words would bring her back to life, to him,
So, he whispered, and made a promise to the dead.
" I'll follow you wherever you go, in every timeline, soon. So, please, wait for me. "
" I love you..... always. I truly do, YN."
"Until we meet again."