Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s one thing to cancel plans because shit happened or because you just want to stay home, but it’s another thing to drop out last second. Especially when you were supposed to hang out with two of your friends that aren’t close to each other. Not to say that Isak wouldn’t like to be closer to Even, he just can’t and has been rather determined to keep things on the low.

All of that because Even is exactly the kind of boy Isak would have caught a crush on from the moment they met. The fact that Isak has been adamant about being only acquaintances is a matter of self-care. He knows himself, he has eyes and isn't immune enough when it comes to Even's charm. And Even still had a girlfriend when their group started forming so Isak needed to stay away.

They aren’t together anymore but that’s not the point now.

The point is, Jonas has just sent Isak can’t make it sorry literally seconds before Isak reaches the spot they usually meet up at. And it wouldn’t be that much of a problem if it was only Isak that Jonas made plans with.

But it’s also Even. Isak can see him sitting on a bench, completely unbothered and probably unaware of the situation. Of how he’ll have to put up with Isak, an awkward friend of a friend. A guy he is in the same groupchat with, but has never actually hung out with.

Isak really, really wants to just turn on his heel and get away from here, Even wouldn’t care anyway, but somehow he’s gotten closer to the bench. It’s as if his legs aren’t in sync with his brain and decide to act on their own. Which is not surprising, considering it’s Isak.

He notices how Even’s bopping his head to whatever he’s listening to on his headphones and actually, Isak is close enough that he can hear the music and he scrunches his face up.

Opting for making his arrival clear, he plops down next to Even and hears him yelp. You and me both, buddy. Isak swallows down his nervousness and after he makes sure that Even has removed the headphones, he deadpans, “Gabrielle? Really?”

The smile he gets in return makes his heart stop for a moment. God, resisting Even is so much work.

“It’s good, come on,” Even says, still grinning and tries to share his headphones with Isak, who successfully dodges his attempt.

“I don’t need to put it in my ear. Your volume is so high I could hear it from miles away, genius,” Isak retorts and scowls.

“Forgive me, I like to appreciate art in its full form,” Even says, tucking both, headphones and his phone, back into his pocket. He’s sporting a shit-eating grin and even goes as far as to snort in amusement.

Isak rolls his eyes but doesn’t say anything.

“Do you think Jonas will be here soon? It’s not like him to be late,” Even’s tone is thoughtful and Isak remembers one important detail.

"Pretty sure you were too engrossed in your art but Jonas canceled." He shrugs and almost reaches out to thread his fingers through his hair before he realizes he's wearing a snapback.

Isak observes from the corner of his eye Even pulling his phone out and scrolling through it, his brows furrowed. Then, a chuckle follows and Isak is slightly confused so he turns his body fully towards Even.

“Living with Mikael is a bad influence on him. You have no idea how many times I was stood up already.” Even shakes his head and the look on his face is almost fond.

Unexpectedly, Even turns towards Isak, his eyebrows high up on his forehead and his eyes expectantly gazing at him. And honestly, Isak has no idea what to make out of this.

“So? We have the time of our lives and make Jonas regret bailing on us like that?” Even asks, a playful glint visible in his eyes.

All Isak can do under the weight of Even’s excited stare is to let out a breathy, “Sure,” before he blindly follows Even into the unknown.

***

So, it all started with Jonas looking for a room in August last year. He wanted some independence, but not in the way Isak did – he moved out of the Kollektiv and into a dormitory, to save up some money for the rent.

(And also to stop feeling guilty about Noora sleeping on a mattress in the hallway.)

No, Jonas wasn’t willing to give up his personal space so easily.

That's how he ended up being flatmates with Mikael, Adam and Mutta. They got along just fine and soon enough Jonas was allowed and encouraged to invite Isak, Mahdi and Magnus to the flat. The other three boys made it seem like Jonas had not three but six people in there with Yousef, Even and Elias being constantly present, anyway. Mikael said that the least they could do was let him have other people over.

Not that Jonas minded the company. Quite the opposite. He made friends with everyone quickly and immediately introduced his boys to the rest.

Then, one day when Isak was studying with Sana at her house he literally ran into the whole group of six(like literally-literally he got out of the kitchen with two mugs of tea and collided with Yousef, spilling the scalding drink on both of them) and the truth about Sana being Elias’ sister came out. Not long after that, Sana, Eva, Noora, Vilde and Chris were also hanging out with them. Every time since then, it’s felt like a small party whenever they were all out.

Isak’s phone has never been blowing up with notifications as much as it does now. Being in a groupchat with fifteen people may sound like fun in theory but Isak’s had it on mute for months. He’s had enough of Magnus spamming him in the chat he had with the boys throughout high school.

Of course, there’s also a chat without the girls but it’s still super chaotic. Even more so because barely any of them filters what they say.

And it's hard for Isak to keep up, with his friend group being that enormous. Always thinking it was only possible in movies, he often feels overwhelmed. That's why he's the least active and most of the time he just lets Jonas make decisions for him.

Also, there's been that thing about keeping a safe distance from Even. It's ironic since, from the first moment they've met, Isak felt something pulling him towards the boy.

Dealing with a blooming crush was hard, obviously, but spending hours on Even’s ex-girlfriend’s Instagram, when they were still together, pretty much killed anything that had ever tried to be born.

(But God, when they broke up, Isak really needed a moment to compose himself.)

And the good thing about their group being this big is that no one really notices Isak avoiding Even.

***

Fast forward, it's early March and Isak and Even are spending time together for the first time. It's weird. They aren't that awkward, because they do know each other, but at the same time it still is a little anticlimactic since they also don’t. They didn’t have the occasion to create any bond. Can’t hold that kind of easy banter they can engage in with others. The air is stilted between them and Isak isn’t entirely sure how to act around Even.

It would be hilarious, if it wasn’t embarrassing.

Isak figures it’s because they’ve never talked long enough to know if they have anything in common.

But what’s amazing is that even filling the silence with a recall of his latest assignment doesn’t bother Even, doesn’t make him stutter and act nervous. That easiness Even emanates is what draws Isak in.

Besides, Even seems like he actually enjoys spending time with Isak despite Isak being awkward and quiet most of the time.

When Even first suggested they make Jonas regret missing out on hanging out with them, Isak thought that maybe they’d go eat something and then part ways. While the former happened, Even insisted then on going to the zoo. Like he even bought tickets in spite of Isak’s protests, and he dragged Isak, by his wrists, towards every animal, enthusiastically telling facts about each species. Sometimes real and other times Isak would call him out on his bullshit and then listen to Even’s laugh.

Between admiring lions and Even making horrible animal puns, they’ve even managed to snap a couple of pictures and short videos.

By the time they reach the monkeys and Even keeps making silly faces at them, while still gently tugging on Isak’s sleeve, Isak feels completely at ease. As if all the months of keeping distance between them haven’t happened.

He lets out a full body laugh at an especially ugly expression Even makes when he hears, “Wow, I’ve finally made you laugh.”

Even’s voice is dramatically proud and solemn. As he puffs his chest out for emphasis, Isak hits him in the arm. It’s halfhearted at best.

“Shut up, I laugh a lot,” Isak says, trying to ignore the blush spreading over his cheeks and looking at the animals instead.

There’s a nudge to his side and he glances back at Even, whose smile is gentle now.

“But never that hard. Suits you,” Even says and grabs Isak’s hand to move further.

How can you expect Isak's heart not to flutter at this point? Like, a pretty and funny boy is holding his hand. Out of his own free will. It nearly sends Isak into a gay panic right then and there.

He tries to keep his cool though, no matter how freaked out he is on the inside.

After walking around the zoo for a good two or three hours and exhausting all the animals related topics, Even is adamant about them getting ice cream despite the chilly weather. Isak can't say no and ends up trembling a bit from the cold. His whole right side is warm, though, from how Even's body is pressed up against his on the bench they've chosen to eat their snacks on.

“Okay, what kind of animal would you like to be?” Even asks, grinning widely and Isak almost loses the question by staring at the smudge of ice cream on Even’s cheek. His fingers itch to reach out and wipe it.

At the very least he snaps out of it when Even throws a curious glance his way.

“Huh?” he replies dumbly before he shakes his head and hums thoughtfully. “A sloth? Maybe? They just chill all the time.” He shrugs helplessly, has never really thought about it.

"They are also cute so it could work," Even says and attempts winking. Attempt being the keyword. It looks so ridiculous instead of cheeky. To the point where the fact he's indirectly called Isak cute almost flies by over his head.

Isak clears his throat and looks to the side. No need to get worked up over that, damn.

“What about you?”

“A meerkat,” Even replies and Isak has to take a double take.

“A meerkat? Why?”

"Their life is a constant fight for survival and plenty of hard working. They are irrelevant as individuals and can only exist with their gangs. Also, their bodies are long and slender. That sums it up." As soon as he finishes, he looks down his body. Isak's eyes definitely do not follow.

“But you aren’t irrelevant as an individual,” Isak says meekly, his brows furrowed.

“I’m not sure I’d be here, if not for my whole support system. One time I let myself loose and it didn’t end well,” his voice is bitter and devoid of all the joy he’s been radiating before.

And here’s the thing. Isak doesn’t know much of Even’s backstory, only bits and pieces he’s heard around. He knows that Even is bipolar and also that something major had happened during his third year in high school. He had to retake a whole year and his friendship with the boys needed a lot of rebuilding after that.

Maybe Even is right. Isak would know that living without people you can rely on when you are mentally ill is tough, sometimes impossible as it was for his mom. But he also thinks that dismissing your value, thinking you can’t survive on your own, can be harmful in the long run.

“You know, Timon from The Lion King lived just fine without his gang.” Referencing an animated movie while discussing serious life matters may not be the best way of doing it but Isak has always had problems with expressing his feelings in the right way.

Even huffs out a laugh.

“He had Pumbaa, though,” Even retorts and his tone is playful.

“Well, yeah, but he was still independent as fuck. Didn’t water his worth down.”

“Fine, I see what you’re getting at,” Even says, putting his hands up in surrender and Isak can’t help but look at him and maybe for the first time see him properly.

Physical attraction is a first thing that often occurs but at some point, there comes a minute in which you realize that there's more to it, under the surface. And logically, Isak's known for a long time that Even is more than just a pretty face, but in this moment it hits him. He really wants to get to know him. Before that, this need was only small, tingling at Isak's nerves every time Even was around. Now it's here with full force.

God, that’s too much. If things are going to happen so fast, he may as well end up declaring his undying love for Even this evening. So much for keeping it low.

“Is there something on my face?” Even asks, an unreadable expression on his face and Isak blinks rapidly. He’s been caught staring.

“Um, yeah, actually. Let me.” He points to Even’s cheek, his finger a bit shaky in its movement the closer it gets to Even’s skin.

Once he’s done wiping the remains of ice cream off Even, he realizes he might have been a bit too harsh, if the red spot on Even’s face is anything to go by.

Isak ducks his head in embarrassment and mumbles, “Sorry,” while he digs his dirty finger into the material of his jeans.

They don’t talk much after that. The silence between them isn’t uncomfortable, though. Considering how much they’ve chatted throughout the day, it’s rather understandable that they don’t have to fill the quiet with more.

Once they’ve finished their ice cream, they decide to go back to their dormitory.

(Coincidentally, Even lives only a floor above Isak.)

(Intentionally, Isak’s managed not to run into Even more than twice in all the months they’ve been living there, though.)

It’s gotten colder as the hours went by and the sun is slowly setting.

“You know, we should hang out more,” Even says suddenly when they are near their building and Isak looks up at that. Hopes his face doesn’t show confusion. “I mean, only if you want to,” Even adds, for the first time seeming insecure. “I had lots of fun,” he says, a small smile tugging at his lips and Isak nods.

Even’s whole face literally lights up at this.

They part with a short hug, that Isak will replay in his head for hours tonight, and a promise to see each other soon.

He feels swarms of butterflies invading his stomach for the first time in so long and if he didn’t know better, he’d think they were on a date or something.

What a silly thought.

***

Isak swears he wanted to go back to keeping a wall between himself and Even. Yes, despite all the gentle looks and promises to keep in touch. He just thought that day was like a loophole in the universe. For a moment he even wondered if it had happened at all. Isak was sure that the moment they stepped back into their rooms, they’d go back to how it was before.

That Even was just that kind of guy who decides to waste his day on a random dude he’s got mutual friends with. Because he’s so nice and polite.

But oh boy, was Isak wrong.

Not even an hour passed before their group chats were full of the boys crying about Even never taking them to the zoo and how dare they spend a day like that together without telling anyone. It only got worse when they demanded Isak to send all the pictures they had taken and Isak is pretty sure that evening was his peak of activity in the chats ever since they had been created.

On top of that, Isak was keen on continuing to ignore Even but like what was he supposed to do when Even just started messaging him privately. Literally multi texting. He wasn’t going to be rude now, was he.

So now it’s been almost a week since their day out and the longest they’ve gone without exchanging any messages(not counting nights because, duh) was about two hours when Isak had his study session with Sana.

It’s all; from stupid memes, random science facts from Isak and info dumping about arts from Even, things about their days to deep existential questions.

They haven’t really seen each other properly, though. Only sometimes passing by each other on campus or whenever Isak visited Jonas. They’ve merely managed a few quick hellos and a bit of small talk when they were both in the kitchen at the same time.

It’s logical, Isak thinks. With the assignments piling up and looming exams at uni, and having to split their time between other people, it’d be hard to hang out. Besides, they text so much it almost makes up for it.

Almost. Because apparently, Isak is still a high schooler at heart and just fucking wants to see Even smile in real life, not only as emojis or in a five-second video on Snapchat.

Thank God for biology kicking his ass all the time so he doesn’t spend too much time thinking about his boy problems.

He doesn’t have enough time to eat properly let alone pine over someone. As if he could ever pine over a boy anyway. He’s Beyond that. He’s been beyond that ever since his failure of a crush on Jonas, thank you very much.

Also, he’s only friends with Even, what is he even thinking about.

(Definitely not about talking about all the mundane things but like, as more than friends. Or holding hands. Or kissing Even. Nope.)

It really tells a lot about him if he gets so moony-eyed about someone being simply nice to him, huh.

***

In the end, things got a little bit out of hand.

It's Thursday, around 3:00 AM, Isak has already lost track of time if he's being honest. He's currently slouched over his laptop and biology books, working on an essay that's due tomorrow.

And he knows that normally he would have written the essay a week before he’d have to hand it in. But normally he isn’t glued to his phone looking at the pictures of a snail Even came across on his way home.

So what, he may think one thing (keeping it low, not letting that tiny crush overtake him) but do the other (giving 80% of his attention and time to Even, daydreaming about him). Sue him.

Still, he’s noticed that his boy problems made him sleazy so he turned his phone off and hasn't left the library in hours. He's trying to be responsible, owning up to his mistakes.

Sure his eyes feel like they are about to fall off, he’s dead tired, but damn him if he isn't almost at the finish line with his essay. Also, he's somehow managed to make it all coherent. At least he thinks so.

He only needs to write a few last sentences and maybe he can still squeeze in a couple of hours of sleep.

Isak pointedly ignores the stab in his bladder as he stretches, his joints cracking and he almost lets his eyes fall shut for a second when he notices movement in the distance.

He squints, thinking that maybe his mind has started playing games with him out of exhaustion.

He gapes upon noticing someone walking from the far end of the library towards him and holy fuck, he’s never believed in ghosts but he might now.

Blinking rapidly, he tries to clear his vision, to maybe make that thing disappear, but nothing happens. It’s getting closer and its head is glowing. If Isak wasn’t frozen in place, he would be screaming but all he’s capable of is a tight grip on the desk. His whole body has gone rigid.

And then the ghost stumbles over a chair and lets out a loud and high-pitched fuck that makes Isak lean his head to the side and frown.

Wait a second.

“Even?” he asks in a small and scared voice. A second passes, the cursing stops and then the light of a flashlight hits Isak directly in the face.

“Found you,” Even says and his tone sounds relieved.

He crosses the rest of the distance with no problem and sits on the chair across from Isak.

“What are you doing here?”

Even makes an offended face at that.

“We haven’t talked properly in over a week and you don’t even say hello?”

“You didn’t say hello either and we’ve been talking nonstop, stop lying,” Isak replies and has to physically bite down on his bottom lip to stop himself from grinning.

Even proceeds to pull out his phone, the flashlight still pointed at Isak.

He shoves the phone into Isak’s face, displaying their chat.

Isak quirks up an eyebrow at him, his face bemused.

"You sent me a chicken emoji and sparkles to me saying I'm off to the library. What's your point?"

“First of all, you haven’t replied and second, it was over eight hours ago. Isak, I haven’t heard from you in eight hours. I’m withering away without you.” He then swipes a couple of times on his phone and then shows him their Main Groupchat. “And we’ve all been worried.”

Isak’s eyes skim over the messages and honestly, the only person who seems to be truly concerned about his well-being is Even.

The others are pretty much used to Isak pulling shit like that. If it’s studying and not bottling his feelings up and avoiding confrontation, they mostly let him be.

“I had to finish this essay,” he says and Even’s face falls.

“It’s the middle of the night, you need to sleep.”

“About that, what are you doing up so late?”

Even honest to God pouts when he says, “I missed you,” and shrugs as if it doesn’t have the power to kill Isak on the spot.

Fuck this, he has to focus on biology, not Even’s puppy eyes.

"Anyone ever told you how fucking dramatic you are?" Isak teases which makes Even wiggle his eyebrows.

“I’ll have you know that they don’t call me a drama queen for nothing.” And there it is, another winking attempt.

Isak feels fond, even though, he'd have called them out already had it been one of his other friends.

"I'm not surprised. Not one bit," Isak says, fumbling with his fingers. "Really though, I need to write the last few sentences and I'm done," he reassures Even with a tiny grin.

“Then I’ll wait for you,” Even announces and catches Isak off guard with how fucking eager he is to just sit in the dark library with Isak and wait for him to finish his assignment instead of sleeping. Or doing literally anything else than this.

“I mean, I’m not going to stop you,” Isak mumbles, feeling heat creeping up his neck. He ducks his head and turns to his laptop, noticing from the corner of his eye how Even makes himself comfortable and puts his chin in his hands.

He watches Isak intently for the next minutes in which Isak finishes up his essay and it’s a miracle Isak can focus hard enough to write all that academic stuff and not wax poetry about how Even’s hair looks soft in this light, with no product in it.

Once he’s done and has clicked Save at least three times, his eyes wander to Even still looking at him.

He opens his mouth to say something, but yawns instead and it makes Even’s face split into a grin so wide it’s unbearable.

Should be listed as illegal.

“I have to figure out how to get back to my room now without waking my roommate up,” he says, his tone conversational but he doesn’t make any move.

Even’s eyes brighten at this. Isak can pinpoint the exact second he has his light bulb moment.

“You should sleep at mine. No worries about waking anyone up,” Even says, making finger guns at Isak and fuck, he’s so lame.

Isak is hesitant but finds himself considering that idea. In the end, Even has a point, since he’s got a one person room. No one else taking up your space.

Lucky second-years.

"Okay, fine," he says calmly as if his heart isn't about to beat out of his chest at the prospect of spending the night in the same room as Even.

It must be the lack of sleep making him so cool about it.

Whatever it is, Even doesn’t question it. He helps Isak pack his things and then they both leave the library.

At this hour, everything seems ominous and Isak feels himself drawing closer to Even, almost reaching out to get a hold of his sleeve.

They don’t talk at all aside from the quiet watch out’s when the other nearly trips over something. After all, they are exhausted but Isak doesn’t mind. It’s quite pleasant, just being with Even. That’s what he’s been waiting for every day since their fateful meeting anyway.

As soon as they are in, Isak’s makes a beeline for Even’s bathroom.

(What a luxurious life, Isak has to share his with three other people.)

He freshens up and swallows down the anxiety of facing Even again. Let’s pray he doesn’t make a fool out of himself.

After having stepped back into the room, he notices that Even hasn’t made any place for him on the floor and like, okay he doesn’t want to sound demanding but sparing Isak at least one blanket would have been nice. A move a person would have expected from Even–

“Take off your jeans, sleeping in them won’t be comfortable,” Isak hears Even saying and his eyes jump to him laying under his blanket on the bed.

“Will be cold on the floor, though,” and Isak doesn’t mean to say it in such a annoyed voice but it just comes out like that without his control.

Even makes a confused face before something clicks and he gasps. “I thought we could share but um,” he clears his throat and blushes, “if it makes you uncomfortable, I understand,” Even says, embarrassment audible in his voice and Isak lets out a surprised noise.

“I just assumed… but I mean, I don’t have a problem with sleeping with you. I mean, not sleeping with you, obviously, just… God, ignore me, it’s late and my brain is fried. Let’s get to sleep.”

Isak gets out of his jeans in just seconds and joins Even on his narrow, single bed that definitely wasn’t made for bros to sleep in together.

Isak is lying still, willing his mind to shut the fuck up. Despite not touching anything, he can still feel Even’s warmth on the naked skin of his legs and he gulps loudly, thankful for the fact Even’s wearing sweats.

“Sorry in advance for any accidental cuddling, I get clingy when I sleep with someone,” Even whispers after he’s turned the light off and Isak’s head jerks.

Right, years of sleeping with your girlfriend and all that jazz.

“I’ve nearly suffocated Mikael that one time,” Even adds and it makes Isak chuckle and relax a little.

“Don’t worry, I’ve endured a sleeping Magnus on way too many occasions. It doesn’t get clingier than him, I assure you,” he says lightly and doesn’t think much about it when he feels Even turning on his side, facing Isak’s shoulder.

“We will see,” Even replies and squeezes Isak’s bicep, once, before he turns around so all Isak sees is his back. “Goodnight, Isak.”

Isak feels giddy when he answers with a night, Even and turns facing away from Even.

He wakes up around five hours later, Even’s head pillowed on his chest, their legs tangled together and Even’s arms holding him tight around his middle. Truth be told, it’s the best sleep Isak’s had in months.

***

It’s currently past 2AM, Isak’s high off his mind and he doesn’t think too much about it when he starts knocking on Even’s door.

Why’s he in this state in the first place? Well, he’s got an abso-fucking-lutely amazing grade on his paper. He had to celebrate his success somehow.

Even’s mid-yawn when he opens the door. He’s wearing a very soft-looking pajama and his hair is in disarray. He leans against the door frame, his eyes half-closed.

“What are you doing here at this hour?” he slurs, frowning. Isak thinks he’s adorable, with his brows furrowed, lips pouty and face puffy from sleep.

“I really fucking want fries,” Isak says and sighs deeply.

That's what he came here for. Not the fries, per se, it'd be silly. Where would Even have them? It's just that Isak thinks, no, he's sure that Even should get fries with him. After all, he was there when Isak was finishing up his assignment.

“O–okay?” Even quirks one eyebrow up at Isak. Looks like he doesn’t really know what to do with that information.

“You should go with me. We will get some. Together,” Isak offers, grinning.

Even clears his throat, crossing his arms over his chest. “Can’t we get fries tomorrow? Or just during the day? I’m not even sure anything is open now,” he says.

Isak waves a dismissive hand. “I’m hungry now. I feel like, if I don’t eat fries now, I’ll die.” He puts his palm on Even’s shoulder and squeezes. “I know a place, please,” he adds pleadingly, his eyes wide and bottom lip jutted out.

No one can resist his puppy-eyes.

Even parts his mouth to say something, his expression pained. When it comes to it, he says nothing, seemingly having a debate in his head. He rolls his eyes eventually, letting out a long-suffering breath.

“Fine, I’ll go with you. Only because I have a feeling you’d go no matter what and I don’t want you wandering the streets on your own when you’re stoned,” he says, exasperated. “Give me a second to get changed, though.” He points to his room with his thumb and Isak’s eyes follow the movement.

Only when the door closes behind Even’s back, does he snap out of his stupor. He doesn’t move away though, his head hanging low.

God, he wants these fries so badly.

***

True to his word, he leads them to a twenty-four-hour fast food place close enough that they don't have to take a night tram.

Besides them, there’s only one other person so they get served quickly. Isak orders a giant pile of fries that Even pays for because surprise, Isak didn’t bring anything but himself. Thankfully it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg so Even doesn’t mind.

Isak’s knight in shining armor.

They’re currently sitting next to each other in a booth that has such comfortable seats Isak wants to become one with them. His ass is melting.

Their plate is loaded with fries, Even’s munching on one while Isak’s unstoppable hunger makes him shove at least five fries at once into his mouth. Even’s amused, it’s apparent and normally Isak would feel embarrassed, but now it only makes him confident.

“You should slow down,” Even tells him, nodding towards the half-finished plate.

Isak waves him away. “They are so good,” he replies with his mouth full and adds more for emphasis.

Even makes a disgusted face. "What's gotten into you?" he asks, laughing and reaches for a napkin. He wipes remains of oil from Isak's cheek since apparently, he can't eat like a human being.

“I either get horny or hungry after weed. Be happy it’s the second one,” Isak jokes and winks.

Even ducks his head, putting the napkin to the side. “Yeah, otherwise you could have come to me asking for a blowjob or something,” he replies.

Isak swallows his food, his throat suddenly dry and he wishes they had ordered something to drink, too.

“Excuse me, I have some decency,” he defends himself and Even snorts before looking up at Isak.

“Have you watched that movie I told you about?” he changes the topic.

“Which one?” Isak teases. Even’s mentioned so many movies that Isak should watch by now, he doesn’t even remember half of them.

(That’s why he made a list for them. Wouldn’t like to lose all of Even’s recommendations.)

“Moonlight.”

“Ah, I haven’t yet. Uni’s been kicking my ass. But I will, I promise,” Isak says solemnly which makes Even smile.

“You should, it’s really beautiful. I don’t understand why it’s so underappreciated. I mean,” he pauses, wrinkling his nose in distaste, “obviously it’s because it’s about non-straight black people. But that’s only making this movie better.”

“I hope it’s not as pretentious as the Romeo and Juliet one.”

“You know you could just say the title, it’s basically Romeo + Juliet, Isak. And you cried watching it, you told me yourself.” Even’s fingers start playing with a stray fry.

“Listen, I have no idea what you are talking about,” Isak insists, filling his mouth up with another portion of fries.

“Yeah, sure you don’t. Besides, no, Moonlight isn’t pretentious. I think you will like it.” A small smile is playing on Even’s lips by the end of his sentence and it makes Isak stop in his tracks.

Even isn’t looking at him, his eyes glued to the fry and Isak wonders if it’s the weed making him feel so pulled in or just his big fat gay brain. Whatever it is, he can’t look away from the soft expression on Even’s face.

“If you say so,” he says quietly, his own lips stretched out widely.

God, Even is so dreamy.

They talk some more about movies. Isak keeps insisting that Even watches one of his favorite movies. That would only be fair. Even is, of course, highly judgmental of Isak’s taste and Isak ends up throwing a fry at him.

“Things like that are subjective,” Isak huffs.

“It’s not subjective when these movies are commonly known to be awful, though,” Even answers calmly.

“It’s not subjective when these movies are commonly known to be awful,” Isak repeats in a mocking voice. “Let people enjoy things that make them happy, you asshole.”

Even lets out a chuckle. “I’m not telling you to stop watching National Treasure. I’m just saying that your life doesn’t have to be so miserable. Cut toxic things out. Leave Adam Sandler movies in the past. Don’t indulge yourself in yet another poorly-written, sexist and not diverse superhero blockbuster. Be beyond that.”

Isak groans, shaking his head. “Fuck off, I’ll be a generic bitch, okay. Besides, have you seen all these dudes in superhero movies? Have you seen Thor or Captain America? I just can’t not watch it. I’m gay, Even,” he deadpans.

“Well, at the very least you don’t have hots for Iron Man,” Even concludes, his face resigned.

"Please, I have good taste. Bigoted war profiteers aren't exactly my type."

“Good to know,” Even says, his smile cheeky.

After that, there’s a lull in the conversation and Isak manages to finish all the fries with very little help from Even.

Isak’s wiping his fingers when he hears Even speaking. “You know, I wasn’t very thrilled about going out for fast-food in the middle of the night,” he admits, looking up at Isak. There’s something raw in his eyes that makes Isak stop from responding. “I–ugh, one time I was manic and wanted some McDonalds so I left the hotel Sonja and I were staying at when she went to the bathroom. It was at night, too and I was completely naked. So, yeah,” he confesses.

“Oh my God, why did you let me drag you here.”

“No, don’t worry it’s not a big deal. I mean, I’m not manic and stuff. It just gave me a small flashback, that’s all.” He shrugs with one of his shoulders.

"Was it a long time ago?"

Even hums. “It was my first episode since I’d gotten better after everything had gone down in my third year. I’d already made up with the boys, had started retaking the year. All was going well. Our anniversary was getting closer so I rented us a room in this luxurious hotel. Wanted it to be romantic. Didn’t really go that way, though,” he says and snorts bitterly.

“I mean, you meant well,” Isak says dumbly.

“Yeah, I guess.”

Isak watches Even intently, waits for him to say more but he doesn’t. Fine.

“How did you even get back with Sonja that time? Weren’t you in love with Mikael?” Isak asks. He’s never been brave enough to ask about it up until now.

“I was. Sonja dismissed my feelings because I acted on them during my episode, said it wasn’t real. I had a falling out with the boys, Mikael didn’t want me anyway, so I believed her and she took me back. She always did,” he explains, his tone indifferent.

Even was with Sonja for two more years after that. Isak wonders how much of it was love and how much simple attachment. He doesn't inquire about it, though. Thinks it's too personal considering they don't know each other that well.

“Maybe it’s for the better she’s stopped,” Isak suggests and Even meets his eyes, nodding.

“It’s the longest time we’ve been broken up for. Perhaps we both realized it’s time to move on,” he says, not a trace of uncertainty in his voice.

They watch each other for a while before it gets uncomfortable and Isak clears his throat. “It got sentimental for a moment,” he jokes and Even snorts.

“You don’t have an ex you want to talk about?” he teases, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Thankfully I was too busy dealing with family drama to form meaningful long-term relationships when I was still going to high school. Unlike some of us,” he replies and gets a jab in the ribs in response.

“That’s so boring,” Even whines, throwing his head back.

Isak pointedly ignores looking at Even’s exposed long neck when he blurts out, “We can’t all be you.”

Even glances at him with a soft smile. “I guess not,” he says.

***

it really was beautiful

what was?

moonlight

hahaha I told you so

u were right this one time

one time?

yeah this one time ur taste in movies isn’t shitty

excuse me you loved all the movies I recced you

that’s a lie

only because i cried at them doesn’t mean i loved them

but i loved moonlight

i want to tattoo this movie all over my body

wow I’m glad to hear it
you should watch pretty woman now

nah its too hetero for me

it’s a classic Isak

idc rec me some gay or leave

ok watch bent
but the 1997 one

i hate u

?

ive been crying for the past twenty minutes

stop recommending me tragedies

it’s my thing
but hey
pretty woman has a happy ending :>

fuck u

***

Over two weeks pass before he sees Even again and at this point, Isak is one hundred percent sure the universe has decided that after each time Even and he hang out, they need a big break from each other. Who knows, maybe being in a close proximity to Even more than two or three times a month would make Isak explode or something.

That doesn’t make him any less bitter, though.

And the thing is, they still text a lot. Like, all the time. No offense to Jonas, who's always been on the top of Isak's contact list, but Even hasn't lost his first place since they have started talking.

Isak thought that perhaps dealing with him in the middle of the night would make Even realize he’s just wasting his time, especially after Isak had made him pay. But no, they are still going strong in the texting department.

But that doesn’t change anything if they don’t see each other.

Like, there was the monthly meeting of The LGBTs, as Eskild loves to call all non-straight and non-cis people in their group. And let’s say it’s over half of their group actually.

Isak used to see these memes, the when you start high school and you are the only one who’s gay in the group, but when you graduate everyone else turns out to be gay, too but he didn’t quite expect for it to happen in his group. The first two years of high school went pretty straight but after he came out? It’s as if someone turned the switch on.

Soon enough Noora and Eva started dating, Vilde realized she’s a lesbian, Magnus just casually mentioned having interest in all genders and then having a big revelation about being polyamorous (he has two boyfriends now, who would have thought). No more than two months ago Mahdi said that he likes boys, too and a couple of weeks back, after getting high, Jonas confided in Isak that he’s been questioning both his sexuality and gender lately. Imagine Isak, who once crushed on Jonas, hearing that.

Not to mention that Even is pansexual, Mikael and Adam are almost married and Mutta is openly trans.

So they are quite a colorful bunch and after finding that out, Eskild was pretty adamant about the meetings even if that meant they’d exclude literally four other people. Thank God no one came up with the idea of a separate group chat for the gays because it’d be nearly the same amount of members as in the other ones.

Anyways, there was that meeting and Isak was hyped for it for many reasons, but most importantly, Even was going to be there, right?

Or so he thought.

Even couldn’t make it, because he had a family dinner he couldn’t miss.

(Isak ended up lounging on the couch, sipping on his beer and Even was sending Isak updates about his night and photos of the food. Isak’s stomach has never growled louder.)

After that, there were a couple of different occasions when Isak was sure he’d be around Even. Playing FIFA at Jonas’ – it's gotten warmer so the other boys started spending time outside, thus no Even. Sharing the same kitchen at the dormitory and the possibility of running into each other (nope) or the group outings (ha, Even's got a part-time job in a café and his shifts start nearly right after his classes).

And Isak, he even considered going out of his way and visiting Even at work. Even has invited him multiple times already.

(the coffee, the pastries, so good

u have to promote the place too?

yeah so a certain someone will finally come here

wow i wish i were them

so i could spend money on coffee in hipster cafes

but i’m a broke uni student :/

hope they come tho

just say you hate me and go

:P)

But Isak barely has any time to spare so they are pretty much stuck. Until.

Until there's a party on a certain Saturday by the end of the month. Mikael, Adam, Mutta and Jonas offered their place for the pre-game and Even hasn't mentioned not coming. Isak's checked in both group chats and their conversation.

It's been twenty days since Isak left Even's room. Since he untangled himself from the tight hold Even had on him; since he looked down on Even's sleeping form and wanted to stay.

And it’s been sixteen days since Isak dragged Even to get fries. Not that Isak’s been counting.

He’s grasping the bag with two six-packs in it, his hands clammy and his breath heavy when Jonas opens the door to the apartment and ushers him inside. “Quickly, before anyone can smell the weed on the staircase.”

The moment Isak enters the living room, he already notices Even. Sitting on a couch between Mikael and Mutta, Mikael’s arm casually thrown over Even’s shoulders. They are engaged in, as it seems, a passionate discussion with Elias and Yousef who are sprawled out on the floor in front of them.

After exchanging brief greetings with them, Isak moves to the second couch placed opposite from the one that's occupied and sits down, Jonas following him soon enough.

He puts the beers down and watches Even gesticulate wildly, probably to prove the point. Mutta is nodding along, while the rest of the boys are sporting partly amused, but mostly skeptical expressions. Isak makes himself comfortable and lets his eyes follow Even’s movements.

He pretty much tunes out and barely registers when Even looks at him at some point. He sends a wide grin Isak’s way before he gets back to his conversation.

Isak doesn't even have time to reply with the same and it weighs down on him. Or maybe it's Jonas, who in the meantime, has slid down and planted his head on Isak's lap.

Well, he didn’t come to just stare at Even here, did he.

So he glances down and to his surprise, he finds Jonas already gazing at him. Sixteen-year-old Isak would have been thrilled by the sight but his nineteen-year-old version only reaches a hand and lazily strokes Jonas' hair.

Jonas’ eyes fall shut and he hums.

“Where are the others?” Isak asks quietly as his fingers play with the dark curls.

“I’ve seen Mahdi in the kitchen with Adam. Magnus should be here soon. And we are meeting the girls at the party.”

Isak hums noncommittally and as if Magnus could read minds, he barges into the apartment, not bothering to knock.

Unlike Isak, who barely acknowledged the other boys, Magnus hugs and fist bumps everyone and then disappears into the kitchen.

After watching how comfortably Even embraced Magnus and exchanged happy smiles with him, Isak desperately wishes he was Magnus.

A thought he has never considered would occur. And yet.

“Man, you got it bad,” Jonas says and chuckles. When Isak looks down at him he’s met with all too knowing glint in Jonas’ eyes and he flips him off.

Like, he’s never had to have The Talk with Jonas, okay, he can read Isak easily. He may not know about Isak texting with Even nonstop for the past few weeks but he’s aware of Isak being gay for Even since the beginning. Although, it may be the first time he’s spoken up about it in any way.

In the past, he’d only roll his eyes when Isak stared too long but stayed away from Even. He’s a real friend. Or was. Isak isn’t sure about it after that teasing comment.

He’s about to retort when Mahdi, Magnus and Adam emerge from the kitchen with plates of food and beer. They place it on the coffee table that’s between the couches. Adam joins the group still passionately going on about something, though Isak can’t really catch what they are arguing about, and sits right on Mikael’s lap. Mikael wraps his free arm around his waist, plants a kiss on Adam’s chin.

Isak’s breath always catches in his throat whenever he sees them acting like the couple they are. It’s probably because he was barely ever exposed to gay couples in real life before and still hasn’t gotten used to that sight. His heart aches.

He wants that with someone.

Being so caught up in the moment, he lacks any reaction to Mahdi and Magnus sitting next to him and Jonas. Jonas doesn’t sit up as to make more room so Isak gets lost in his gay dreams and ends up squished between his friends. What is his life.

With everyone present, the arguing stops and new conversations get started. Isak mostly stays quiet, nursing the beer Mahdi has passed to him. He doesn’t want to get drunk tonight but he supposes one beer won’t really do any harm.

He was actually planning on not coming, because the thought of being one of the very few sober people at a party isn’t appealing. But he decided to come anyway with the thought of finally being around Even again.

As the evening progresses and everyone gets tipsy, Isak doesn’t really see the difference between this get together and any other ones at which both him and Even were present. They don’t talk at all during the pre-game. Sure there are some fleeting glances or shared laughs but it’s nothing more than before.

Maybe it’s for the better. They haven’t been among their friends together since they’ve begun talking, it’d probably be weird if they suddenly started acting like they are close friends now. After months of not interacting. No need to mingle in their group’s dynamics.

They can be Even and Isak in private.

But if so, why’s Isak feeling so disappointed and mopey by the time they are leaving the flat for the party?

At this point, their whole group has merged and everyone’s talking at once but Isak hangs at the back, his hands buried deep into his hoodie’s pockets and eyes glued to the pavement.

God, he's sulking and Jonas has already noticed something is up because he's being extra clingy, trying to get Isak to join the group and throwing his arm around him.

But he doesn’t say anything so that’s good.

If someone asked Isak what’s gotten into him, his only answer could be a boy I’m certain I have a crush on and have slept in the same bed with acts like we are total strangers when we are amongst our friends and it hurts me because I expected things to change. That just makes Isak cringe.

It’s been over two hours since he stepped into Jonas’ place with high hopes and excitement bubbling up out of him. And now he just wants to go home.

They meet the girls outside the house the party is at and they exchange quick hellos. Everyone's already a little drunk and happier than usual.

Isak can’t find any buzz in himself and considers ditching the place as soon as they enter the building.

Not even fifteen minutes pass when he’s left alone, leaning against some random wall and calling himself stupid for wasting his night to see some boy when he could just sleep.

Everyone has gone off to dance or drink some alcohol, and since both of these are off Isak’s limits tonight, he’s lamely scrolling through his phone. Thinking when is the best moment to leave.

Maybe he should find someone to hook up with, let off some steam.

Just as he’s about to scan the crowd for a boy to make out with, Even blocks his view.

He’s standing centimeters away from Isak, beaming at him and most importantly, he doesn’t stink of alcohol.

“Looking for someone?” he asks and pokes Isak teasingly in the ribs.

“Yeah, for my Prince Charming to come and save me,” Isak says, already feeling the corners of his lips tugging up.

“Well, here I am. Who do you need saving from?” Even says, his brows furrowed. He’s joking, obviously, but there’s a small wrinkle of concern on his forehead that Isak wants to smooth out.

“What. Boring parties,” Isak replies instead and Even barks out a laugh.

“Sucks to be sober when everyone is drunk, huh?” He leans next to Isak and gives his shoulder a nudge.

Isak nods, fumbling nervously with his phone. So what, they are talking. Isak’s been waiting sixteen days for that. Or, not to exaggerate, around three hours.

“I’m meeting my mom in the morning, can’t be hungover so I decided not to drink,” he admits and sneaks a glance at Even, who once again has a look on his face that makes Isak feel like there’s no one else in the room. So attentive.

“That’s sweet of you,” Even says, his voice serious and then smiles. “My reason isn’t as noble. I’ve already reached my three beers per month limit.”

“You don’t drink because?”

“Messes with my meds. Same if I smoke weed. That’s why I’m glad Jonas and Mahdi took it to Jonas’ room. They’re cool.”

“Of course they are, I wouldn’t be friends with them otherwise,” Isak retorts, a tinge of pride in his tone.

Even doesn’t reply, only snorts and then they stand there, silently. Isak lets his eyes wander around. He recognizes a few faces from the uni, even catches a glimpse of a guy he’s borrowed notes from last week.

He gets so distracted that he almost misses Even uttering, “I’ve missed talking to you.”

Isak blinks slowly and turns his head towards Even, whose face is sheepish.

“You could’ve. At the flat,” he says and maybe his tone is a little too harsh so he ducks his head.

“I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Isak looks back up at him, frowning in confusion. “What?”

Even smiles meekly and cards his fingers through his perfectly styled hair. “You never wanted to talk to me before, like I noticed it and I wasn’t sure if it would be okay to start now. There were so many times when I was about to say something to you but you seemed so at ease and I don’t know,” Even finishes and shrugs helplessly.

“I wanted you to,” Isak says and realizes the wording may be weird. “I waited for you to say something but the longer you didn’t I just thought that maybe you didn’t want others to know we talk. It’s stupid but yeah,” he says, his cheeks burning from the embarrassment.

“You think I’m ashamed of us being friends?” Even asks, his voice laced with disbelief.

“Maybe?” Isak answers in a small voice. Great, now he’s being vulnerable.

Opening up about feelings is disgusting.

“Oh my, Isak, if only I had known, I would have dragged you to us the moment you came in. Would have made you support my arguments. We are both so stupid. But that happens when two cool people befriend each other,” Even says and giggles to himself.

“I hate you,” Isak mumbles but there’s no bite to it.

“I’m so glad we talked about it and now I can show you off as one of my friends. Feels good,” Even continues as if Isak hasn’t said anything, his whole face lit up. And Isak?

In the end, he doesn’t regret showing up.

They don't really leave each other's sides for the next few hours, too engrossed in talking. Sure, they move. From leaning against the wall, through the kitchen to finally settle on the porch, sitting down on the wooden floor. In their little bubble.

If Isak had to compare this time to the zoo day, he’d admit there’s a visible contrast between then and now. For starters, Isak doesn’t need forever to feel relaxed and start talking. Secondly, they don’t have to dance around each other anymore.

Despite how Isak can be naturally awkward, spending time with Even is the easiest thing to do. And he doesn’t think about how dangerous it may be in the long run, just stays in the moment.

It’s nice, they are sitting close to each other, not quite touching, but if Isak closed his eyes he’d know Even is still next to him. The sounds of the party are nothing more than background music and Isak thinks, the stars look exceptionally beautiful tonight.

“Why do you like the idea of parallel universes that much?” Even asks at one point and Isak quirks an eyebrow up. “I’ve heard you talking about them on many occasions. Always made me wonder why,” Even explains, sensing Isak’s confusion and then laughs quietly.

Even’s been listening to Isak. God, he’s said so many embarrassing things since August.

“Well,” he clears his throat and looks down at his hands in his lap. “It may sound dumb but whenever life wore me down I liked to think that maybe in another universe I was getting by. When I struggled with my sexuality, I thought about another Isak who’s straight or who had accepted himself. Or when things got tough with my parents and my mom was very ill, I was like ‘well maybe somewhere else we are happy and she isn’t suffering so much’. This way of thinking reassured me, you know?” He glances at Even who only nods in encouragement.

It’s not the first time he’s talking with Even about his family. Isak is much more casual about it now than before. He’s mentioned in passing how his father fucked them up and told Even that his mom is mentally ill, too. It wasn’t in some grand way, at 2AM when they had deep talks. No, it was more in the spur of the moment. Even saying something trivial regarding his bipolar and then Isak bringing his mom up just to ask Even what he has for dinner a few moments later.

"With time I changed my mind. I mean if I'm gay here I'm gay in all of the other universes. Same thing with my mom. It's just, somewhere else I decided to wear sweatpants as an alternative to jeans today. Or stayed at home instead of going to this party. I just really love thinking about all the possibilities. Every time I do something, I ponder over other ways I could have chosen and then remember that I have, just not here. I also think that some things are meant to happen and despite my choices in different alternatives, they will happen at one point. It's just so cool," he says, his voice filled with excitement like always whenever he has the chance to talk about one of the few things he's so passionate about.

It’s rare that he can actually let himself loose like that. He’s always thinking that he’s just annoying and no one wants to listen to his bullshit but when Isak peeks at Even, he finds him absorbed by the topic. And Isak feels his heart thudding louder.

“This is so interesting, Isak,” Even utters, his eyes wide and lips stretched out into a grin.

Isak believes him.

He feels heat spreading over his cheeks and he looks away, bites down on his lip. “Well, yeah, that’s why I’m so into it.”

“I’m glad that you chose to come here in this universe.” And God, that has Isak’s heart beating even faster, the fuck. “And also, with what you said about things that are meant to be, happening no matter what decisions you make?” Isak turns back to him because he thinks he owes Even all of his attention considering that’s what Even’s always giving him. He nods. “I’m sure that us being friends was meant to be,” Even says earnestly, his whole face bright and Isak can’t help but fondly roll his eyes at it.

“You fucking sap,” he mumbles, his cheeks sore from all that smiling and Even winks at him.

“You know it,” Even says cheekily.

They sit there a bit longer after that until both of their phones ping with a few notifications from their main chat. Both Even and Isak frown reading the stream of texts.

Magnus
theres emregncy guys
jonas is os drink
soooooo drunk man
and also liek i lost mahfi
like where the fuck he is
wait ok nvm i see him making out w some guy
anyways i donnt see anyoen else PLS someon come n help a bro out
jpones passed tf out n i have noodle arms. Over

Mikael
fuck Jonas has our keys
and we left the party like twenty minutes ago
with adam
how are we gonna get home

Mutta
wow losers

Magnus
HEL Pme

Noora
where are you

Magnus
idek

Noora
we can’t help u if we don’t kno where u are/eva

Sana
There are fifteen people in this group
Most of them are wasted
Or lost
Or both

Chris
I AM BOTH

Magnus
hes throing uo at the carpet
since when is jons so weak

Mutta
how much did he drink

Magnus
much

Mutta
that doesnt even make sense but well

Noora
wheres isak jonas best friend when we need him/eva

Sana
@isak go collect your trash

Magnus
yooo dont call jonas trash………. thats low

Sana
tonight Jonas is low

Even
send me your location

Mikael
lets focus on communicating

Mutta
lalalalalalalala

Magnus
EVEN…… u r the truest bro……… who needs isak right…….
we r close to the bathroom now i moved him

Even
thank you mag
Isak says fuck off tho
we r coming

Mikael
what are you TWO doing together at the same place

Mutta
;)))

Sana
Interesting
Haven’t seen Yousef or Elias there?

Even
nah

***

If Isak lets himself be honest, Magnus doesn’t look much better than Jonas when they eventually find these two. Sure, he’s more lucid and he latches onto Even’s forearm immediately once he spots him, while Jonas is slouched over a flowerpot full of his vomit. But. They are both just as wasted.

“I miss Anders and Erik,” Magnus cries out and Even pats him on the head sympathetically. Magnus always lets his guard down when neither of his boyfriends comes with him to the parties. And then proceeds to whine about them.

Just your usual Magnus.

Isak crouches down next to Jonas, letting Even handle their other friend. He tilts his chin up to make him meet his eyes and tsks when a drop of saliva makes its way onto his fingers.

“Wow, you really went all the way in, huh?” he says and shakes Jonas’ shoulder.

“Had to drink for the both of us,” Jonas slurs, a dopey smile on his face and Isak lets out an exasperated groan.

“Let’s get you home, hm? Do you have the keys to your apartment?” Isak asks, hoping that Jonas hasn’t lost them. If so, he, Mikael, Adam and Mutta will be locked out. And that doesn’t sound good.

Jonas nods and starts patting his pockets. It’s pretty unnerving, watching him fumble with his clothes and coming with empty hands. Isak shares nervous looks with Even over his shoulder until Jonas lets out an ‘aha!’ and pulls out the keys.

Isak releases a sigh of relief and takes the keys from Jonas. Just in case.

After that, he helps Jonas get up and throws his arm over his own shoulder so Jonas won’t tumble over.

“Should we get Mahdi? Or anyone else?” Isak asks.

“Mahdi is cool,” Magnus says and wiggles his eyebrows. At the same time, Even checks his phone, scrolls for a moment and hums.

“No, they all seem good. Mikael just says to hurry up before, I quote, my balls freeze off and not even Adam’s mouth will help,” Even says and chuckles under his nose.

“Let’s get this bread!” Magnus shrieks out.

Getting to the guys’ apartment is easier said than done but it’s not the first time Isak is escorting one of his friends this way. And other times he wasn’t exactly sober so like, he has the experience needed for that.

Even so, it’s not exactly a walk in the park. Especially when Jonas nearly throws up at him. Thank God Jonas’ place isn’t on the other side of the city but only a couple of streets away.

The crisp night air seems to sober Magnus up a little though. Which is good for Even who, now, doesn't have to nearly drag him on the pavement. Unfortunately, it doesn't work the same way on Jonas.

By the time they’ve reached the building, Isak is sweating and panting all over while Even and Magnus have a pleasant chat a few steps ahead from him and Jonas.

The chat dies down when they approach Mikael and Adam who are hovering next to the entrance.

Mikael seems enraged which only makes Even laugh.

“Who are you angry at? You should have taken the spare keys,” he says, shaking his head.

After that, they proceed to get on their floor – the fifth one. Thankfully, Adam decides to help Isak out so they go on with it effectively. Although, Isak keeps complaining about the building not having an elevator all the time. Life would be so much fucking easier.

Halfway through their climbing Magnus and Mikael start singing a duet of a song Isak can’t recall the title of, while Even won’t stop laughing and at any other time Isak would like to hear more of Even laughing so hard he nearly trips over the steps but now he’s praying that none of the neighbors comes out of their flat and yells at them.

The moment Isak slides the keys in the lock, he’s completely spent and can’t wait for when he lays down in his bed. It’s weekend so who knows, maybe his roommate, Julian, will be out and Isak can have the whole room to himself? Sleep without any disturbances.

God, he hopes.

Jonas may be half asleep already but Isak makes him walk to his bedroom and almost throws him at the bed. Then he helps him take off his shoes and pants and pulls a blanket over his body. Last but not least, he brings a glass of water and puts it on Jonas’ nightstand.

He steps back into the living room after glancing one last time at his best friend who’s already beginning to snore.

The boys are sitting on the couches, save from Adam who must be in the kitchen if the noises from there are any indication.

Magnus is giggling at his phone, flushed and from the looks of it, he seems to be face timing one or both of his boyfriends. Good for him.

On the other couch, Mikael is talking to Even, staring up at the ceiling and Even looks amused. Coming closer, Isak realizes why.

“And like I tell him, terriers are superior and spaniels are weak, but he says that he will never let a terrier into his house but I say, it’s my house, too and he says, what about a cat,” Mikael says on one breath, his voice monotone.

“You are getting a cat? Jonas is allergic, though,” Isak says and Even’s eyes immediately jump to him. He shares a small smile with Isak, completely different from the one he’s been sporting before.

“Fuck,” Mikael draws out and throws his arms up. Then he seems to think about something very hard just to end up with, “We will get one of those hairless cats then.”

After that, he closes his eyes and throws his head back. At that moment Adam gets into the room, holding one sandwich in his hand while another one is dangling from his mouth.

He swallows audibly while looking over their faces. They gaze at him back, except for Mikael who’s falling asleep already.

“You’re all staying the night?”

For some reason, Even's eyes travel right back to Isak. He doesn't say anything, as if he was waiting for Isak's response.

“I’m not,” Isak says simply, knows he doesn’t have to explain himself.

“I am,” Magnus declares from his place on the couch, still glued to his phone.

“I’m going to my place, too,” Even informs, sending Adam an apologetic smile that’s brushed off. “Will go back with Isak. Since we live so close, you know?” Adam nods.

“That’s fine, who knows who else may barge in tonight, “ he says and grins at them.

Soon after, both Even and Isak leave.

This time, without Jonas’ added weight, it’s easier to walk. They’ve considered taking a tram but realized that they’ll probably get to the dormitory faster than if they had to wait for a night tram to get them there.

Besides, Even insists that the night is too pretty and letting it go to waste would be a crime. Isak doesn’t put up any fight and just pulls his hood over his head as to shield himself from the occurring gusts of wind.

Should have taken a jacket. Just because there’s no snow anymore it doesn’t mean the spring has already come in its full swing.

Even was smart enough to put on a beanie, a scarf and his denim jacket. He doesn't sniff every two seconds, unlike Isak.

“Are you cold? Or are you crying?” he asks Isak teasingly at some point.

“Yeah, I’m crying,” he mumbles and sniffs harder for emphasis. Even snorts and then Isak registers some movement from the corner of his eye. Next thing he knows, Even is shoving his scarf in front of Isak’s face and Isak almost misses a step.

He eyes Even quizzically, who’s smiling at him in earnest.

“Come on, can’t have you sick when you’re visiting your mom,” he says and raises one of his eyebrows at Isak.

Isak sighs in defeat and reaches out for the scarf, his fingers brushing against Even’s. The touch sends a warm tingle down his body.

He puts the scarf on but it makes Even click his tongue and stop Isak altogether.

Moving to stand in front of him, he starts fumbling with the scarf and tying it into a tighter knot around Isak’s neck. “Wear it properly or don’t bother at all,” Even says, not meeting Isak’s eyes. Completely focused on his task.

“You gave it to me, I wasn’t begging you for that,” Isak deadpans, watching Even closely.

“Maybe not verbally but I’m good at recognizing when someone asks for something without using their words,” Even replies with a small smile and finally looks back at Isak.

"What are you? A psychic?" he jokes, his heart beating three times faster than usual.

“Yeah, didn’t you know?” Even huffs, pretending to be offended.

And if Isak were braver, he'd ask Even if he knows what Isak is thinking about now. Even wouldn't know, would probably make up some bullshit, but Isak. He would pull Even closer by the lapels of his jacket. And he'd show Even what he's thinking about with his lips.

But since Isak isn’t brave at all, he shoves Even playfully in the chest and begins walking again. Not really bothering to wait up for Even.

Not even two seconds pass when Even catches up with him anyway and starts talking Isak’s ears off up until the moment they reach their dormitory building.

Then, just as they are about to part Even tugs on Isak’s sleeve to stop him and shyly asks whether Isak wants to sleep in his room again. Not to disturb his roommate at nearly four in the morning. And Isak almost tells him that Julian may not even be there but then decides against it and only nods.

He sleeps with Even again, but this time when he wakes up before him, he doesn't disappear immediately without saying anything. Isak lets his eyes trace over Even's face so close to his, with all of his imperfections that only make Isak ache for him more. And he dares to think that maybe in another universe he's able to wake Even up with kisses.

He sleeps with Even again, but this time he leaves him a note.

Thanks for everything. Hope you slept well. – Isak

Chapter Text

Isak may believe that the universe has power over him when it comes to his fate, but frankly, he decides he doesn’t care and is about to take matters in his own hands.

This whole conversation with Even about their friendship and then Even inviting him to sleep over only proved further that he wants to spend time with Isak. With that in mind, Isak is determined to make the time and have them hang out. He’s always letting things happen around him, but maybe it’s time for him to get involved.

Fuck the higher power.

That’s why, on Monday after the party, he finds himself sitting at the counter in the café Even works at, sipping on the cheapest drink he could afford.

Of course, Even is busy. It’s rush hour and the orders keep coming. He doesn’t even have the time to look at Isak properly which means they aren’t hanging out, per se. But being in the same place as Even, feeling his energy buzzing all over the place, is enough to put Isak at ease. He doesn’t even mind spending twice as much on his coffee than he normally would.

Especially when he thinks of the surprised, but happy look on Even’s face when it was Isak’s turn to order. He hadn’t noticed Isak walking in and he definitely hadn’t expected him to show up, not after all his failed attempts at luring him into the café.

Despite his eye’s crinkling around the corners from how much he was smiling at Isak, he kept the whole ordeal professional. Maybe even a little bit exaggerated, just to rub it in Isak’s face. But it still made Isak grin widely, so who’s the real loser here.

And Isak had been in the line for a good five minutes before that, watching Even working. He had a smile plastered to his face, sure, but it had been barely reaching his eyes. His voice had been cheery but also kind of edging on fake. And his shoulders had been hunched.

That’s why seeing his whole demeanor change after taking Isak’s order feels so rewarding to him. He can’t stop his lips from twitching upon noticing Even’s face has brightened and his posture got much more relaxed.

Of course, he isn't going to spend the whole time observing Even. That would be creepy and, with all the shit he needs to do, a waste of time.

So he pulls one of his textbooks out of his backpack and decides to do some reading. Will come in handy next time he’s studying with Sana.

Sure, the whole place is teeming with life and there’s some bubbly pop playing from the speakers but Isak manages to tune it out.

He gets so engrossed in the chapter, he actually has no idea how long he’s spent slouched over his book when Even sneaks up on him and scares Isak nearly to death. Had his hand been closer to his cup, his book would be drenched in cold coffee now.

“You sure know how to be quiet,” Isak jokes breathlessly once he calms down. Even snorts at him.

Only then does Isak really notice that Even is in front of him. Still behind the counter but not by the cash register. He takes a look around the place and sees it’s nearly empty by now, only two tables occupied.

Isak glances at the clock on the wall and wow, it’s been over an hour since he came to the café.

Finally, his eyes settle back on Even, who's placed his chin in his hands. He's watching Isak with a small smile playing on his lips.

“You know you don’t have to sit here for my entire shift?” Even asks then, tilting his head to the side.

“Wow, you are kicking me out already?”

Even rolls his eyes. “Ha ha, funny. Of course not, you haven’t even finished your drink,” he nods towards the cup that’s been left untouched for the past hour. “Don’t want you to feel forced to wait around, is all. Must be boring, sitting here by yourself.” Even shrugs.

Isak narrows his eyes at him, his lips pressed into a thin line. Trying to decipher if Even just wants him out there. But he doesn’t look bothered by Isak, not if his sheepish look is anything to go by. He’s just being his sweet self, not wanting Isak to presumably waste his time.

It’s funny how he is oblivious to the idea of Isak being here out of completely selfish reasons.

“Are you implying that my textbook about bioscience is boring? How dare you,” Isak huffs.

"Oh, how could you even suggest that. I'd never," Even teases, dramatically putting a hand to his chest.

Isak shakes his head and playfully hits him on the forearm. Even lets out an incredulous gasp.

“Stop with the dramatics,” Isak mumbles, his fingers playing with a torn corner of the page he’s been reading.

“I’d rather die,” Even declares officially.

"Then perish," Isak deadpans, looking Even dead in the eye which makes Even let a theatrical cry out and God, Isak is glad the local has nearly no clients. Otherwise, there would be heads turning towards them.

Even reaches out for Isak’s cup of coffee and steals a sip out of it just to pretend he’s started choking, which has Isak in fits of laughter.

You know Even has charmed his coworkers if he gets away with shit like that.

“It would be funny if you actually started suffocating,” Isak raps out, clutching on his stomach.

Even stops the act, looking completely shocked. “You want me to die? That’s what you want? My death?”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I want. Now,” Isak tries for a serious tone but his voice cracks halfway through the sentence.

Even splutters and points at himself just to make sure Isak is talking to him. Isak nods, beaming and Even stares at him in astonishment. “Wow, I thought there were no fake friends in this house but you’ve finally proved me wrong,” Even says, resigned and pouts.

He’s so ridiculous, Isak’s heart aches.

“I hate you,” Isak mumbles, crossing his arms over his chest and that makes Even sneer.

"If you hated me you wouldn't be sitting here for over an hour," he says softly, batting his eyelashes. Well, he isn't wrong.

“Don’t you have places to be?” Isak asks, making Even snort with the sudden change of topic.

“There’s no other place I’d rather be,” he replies solemnly and Isak can feel his cheeks heating up. He tries to cover up his abashment with a cough. “At least for another hour or so. When people start to fill up this place again,” Even adds, averting his eyes from Isak and letting them wander lazily around the place.

“So you can just talk with me?” Isak asks, his voice squeaky.

Even raises an eyebrow at him. “Yeah, as long as there aren’t any customers ordering I’m all yours,” he says, so casually Isak almost doesn’t register there’s something very fucking wrong with his last words.

Almost. He catches them in the last second and all the blood drains from his face. How can Even just say things like that? Has no one ever told him it’s inappropriate? Someone definitely should.

It won’t be Isak, though, that would be acknowledging these words out loud and admitting they affect him which would result in Even knowing. And worse, he’d stop saying these altogether.

Isak is complex. And fucking gay. Bear with him.

He decides he needs to say something or else he’ll explode but his mind has gone blank. No matter how hard he tries to come up with some interesting topic that would keep Even hooked on, he comes out empty.

Eventually, he settles on, “The weather is nice outside,” and if that isn’t a nice save…

Even gazes at him, puzzled before he seems to remember something and perks up.

He goes into a story from a few hours ago, that happened between his classes but he forgot to text Isak earlier and recall it. It’s pretty trivial, really. Something about how the wind wouldn’t stop blowing into some guy’s face, shoving his long hair into his mouth all the time and Even was about to lose it looking at the expressions the guy was making.

Isak just listens.

After that story, Even moves on to some other things, some he’s already mentioned in texts but now with more details. There are moments he has to go up to the cash register and take orders, but right after the café gets lazy again, he jogs back to Isak.

They spend their time like that up until the rush hour starts and around then, Isak gathers his things. Even bids farewell to him with a melodramatic hand wave and a promise of a coffee on the house next time Isak visits.

Later that evening, Even texts him when all Isak’s been doing is lying on bed and watching vine compilations on Youtube, spent from all the studying he’s done.

guess who’s finally home
me
I’m home

hi home im isak

wowowowo you joker
anyways I had fun today
thanks to youuuuu ^.^

im happy to hear that

glad you came
;)

fuck off with the wanted references

relaxxxxxxx
so I’m sitting here

barbeque sauce on my titties yeah even i know that vine

I was gonna say I'm sitting here and wondering if you wanna come to sit with me
but go off I guess

come to u?

yeah we could watch a movie or something

Or something. Isak gulps but types out omw and gets up.

In the end, they really watch a movie, Jennifer’s body. Even insisted that this movie was ahead of its time and it's a felony Isak hasn't seen it. Even can't shut up for the entirety of it and keeps on pausing to throw in some anecdotes or just go on a rant that probably leaves Isak looking like a fond idiot.

It’s fun even if Isak loses the grasp of the plot in the first thirty minutes. Still, he agrees with Even later that Megan Fox didn’t have to go that hard but she did and everyone should be thankful for that.

It’s late when they are finished with it, but tonight Even doesn’t offer his bed to Isak and maybe it’s for the best. Isak isn’t sure he’d be able to deal with it so soon after the last time.

Isak gets back to his room feeling giddy and flushed.

And if he keeps going back to the café more often than he should, even if just to sit by the counter and not really spend any time with Even at all in some instances, then no one has to know.

He doesn’t treat Even and their friendship as a secret, but he likes having these peaceful moments just to himself.

***

Contrary to the Isak who kept putting distance between himself and Even, dodging any chances at interactions with him, the Isak from now starts doing all he can to be around Even as much as possible.

And it feels almost as if the universe has begun to listen to him because it doesn't keep Even away anymore. Isak's learned his lesson the hard way and now he's rewarded.

He gets to hang out with Even privately, happens to meet him when he’s hanging out at Jonas’ and has even run into him at a few occasions in the dormitory – which has never happened before. That means things are really going in favor of Isak now.

He even starts keeping close to Even at the get-togethers, sometimes going as far as to sneak out with him. He's got more attentive when it comes to group chats and feels bold enough to type out a few replies if Even is engaged in the discussion, despite them texting in their own chat at the same time in most cases.

If their friends notice any change, they don’t comment on it.

Things are looking so fucking good for around the two next weeks. Even if they are only friends, despite Isak daydreaming about holding Even's hand approximately a hundred times a day. Growing so close to Even in the span of a month and a half is more than Isak could have wished for.

And really, he got too caught up in getting to know Even, managing his other relationships and school to remember that the universe will always find a way to stir things up.

He should have known that this peaceful flow wouldn’t last forever.

***

Isak is at some random party that Julian has dragged him to, because Isak had no heart to decline. He only asked whether there’d be free booze and after Julian excitedly nodded, Isak accepted his fate.

Normally, he wouldn’t go out without any of his friends, but you have to be blind not to notice Julian trying time and time again to make Isak his friend instead of an awkward roommate. And he has to give him that, the guy is persistent.

So he agreed, didn’t want to be an asshole but God the only good thing about this party is the beer.

And Isak has almost finished his.

Once Julian noticed the state of Isak’s bottle, he hurriedly disappeared into the kitchen and hasn’t come back yet. Really, Isak has no idea why Julian is so nice to him but bless his soul. He doesn’t feel like leaving his place against the wall anytime soon.

He’s mindlessly picking at the label on his bottle with his thumb. His eyes are wandering over the room rather lazily, squinted because the light in the room is a harsh shade of orange. Isak tries not to stop on anyone for too long, as not to tempt fate and have someone walk up to him.

Isak is fine with chatting with Julian, he doesn’t need any more small talks tonight. At least not after only one beer.

He isn’t expecting to meet someone he knows here. He definitely isn’t expecting this person to be Even. Then why exactly is Even making a beeline for him?

Isak’s face must look really funny because Even doesn’t stop smiling. Not even when he’s invaded Isak’s space to the point their chests would be brushing if Isak’s bottle wasn’t in the way.

They are so close that Isak goes cross-eyed just to take Even’s face in. And the whole party completely disappears from his peripheral vision.

What the fuck.

“Hi,” Even mouths and Isak tries to say it back but it gets stuck in his throat because one of Even’s hands rests on Isak’s forearm. And Isak is wearing only a t-shirt so it’s skin on skin and Fuck.

“What… Um… what are you doing here?” Isak asks, his voice high-pitched. He’s fucking grateful for this orange light now, the chance of Even noticing his blush is smaller.

If it’s possible, Even leans even closer and it brings the butterflies in Isak’s stomach to life.

"I'm friends with the host's girlfriend. Helped her with her thesis last year," he says, his voice proud. Of course, he is and of-fucking-course he did. It's Even. He has friends everywhere. Honestly, what was Isak thinking? He should have expected him to be at the party.

Especially with how the universe has been throwing Even at him recently.

“Nice,” Isak replies coolly and tries to look anywhere else but at Even.

It turns out to be a mistake because he meets Julian’s eyes. He looks rather embarrassed and just nods at Isak before pointing out behind himself and moving towards there.

Huh. In the end, Isak will be an asshole.

Even's voice brings him out of his thoughts. "Yeah, I noticed you earlier and wanted to come up but another friend of mine stopped me and I lost track of time," Even says, his voice apologetic. What is he even feeling sorry for? Isak had no idea Even was here, to begin with.

He hums in acknowledgment, though, his nail scraping nervously over the label.

“Sonja is here. She hasn’t seen me, yet, I think but um…” Even pauses which makes Isak finally look back at him. He frowns, thinks that he was sure Even wasn’t into her anymore.

Even’s scanning his face, unreadable look in his eyes.

“Huh?” Isak lets out dumbly just to make Even say whatever he has to say.

Even takes a deep breath and then harshly exhales, the air hitting Isak’s face. “Please make out with me,” Even pleads.

Isak has to take a double take. What.

“What.”

"I'm sure she's already walked into the room," and yep, Isak peeks over Even's shoulder and notices Sonja exchanging hugs with some girls on the other side of the room. "And it's Sonja, of course, she's going to come over. I really don't want her to think I'm still hung up on her," he explains in a rush.

Isak’s heart sinks.

“Are you?” he asks, his voice coming out small.

Even splutters. “Of course I am not, I thought it was obvious,” he says and shakes his head as if it was Isak who suggested something weird.

“Then what’s the deal with uh… sudden make out wish?” Isak asks and bites down on his bottom lip.

“She doesn’t know I am over her. And she always thought she knew better what I felt. I don’t want her to assume and start prodding or like, reaching out.” He sighs deeply and there’s fear that Isak can see in his eyes.

He knows Sonja isn't a bad person, nor is Even but their relationship was unhealthy. At some point Even opened up about it. After his diagnosis and first episodes, it had all gone downhill. He had become too dependent on Sonja and she had let him – that’s why once he had started regaining his sense of freedom she hadn’t been fond of it.

Even said that there is a fine line between protective and controlling. And Sonja had crossed it multiple times. Even hadn't been a saint either. He had let his bipolar be an excuse for his shitty behavior; had fallen in love with Mikael when in a relationship with Sonja.

He also mentioned that they had broken up before but each time Even would crawl right back to her and she had never dismissed him.

That's why Even wants to show her he is alright, that he doesn't need her back in his life. As stupid as his idea of making out with Isak is, it also makes sense. His fear isn't pointless because despite being over her, she's still someone safe and with some effort, Even could be tricked into thinking he has to go back.

There’s another case of Sonja’s remaining feelings for Even, but if their relationship was so unhealthy for Even, it must have taken a toll on her as well.

The scars after almost six-year long relationship don't disappear in a span of six months.

That’s why Isak doesn’t need to think more about it before raising his free hand. He puts it on Even’s neck and pulls him in.

If Jonas asked him to do that, Isak would also help him out, right? Right.

Their lips don’t crash, even if half of Isak’s fantasies consist of it. No, the first touch is tentative, barely a brush.

It still manages to send a shiver down Isak’s spine.

Eventually, his lips start moving and capture Even’s in a chaste kiss. He registers in the back of his head how Even’s hand travels from his forearm to his waist and squeezes.

Isak almost drops his beer.

They kiss like that for a moment or two before Isak sighs into it and tilts his head to the side as to get better access. Then, he’s bold enough to drag his tongue over Even’s bottom lip and Isak swears he can feel Even smiling.

And soon after, he might be guilty of grinning, too.

The kiss turns heated the moment Even’s lips part and Isak licks into Even’s mouth. At the same time Isak’s fingers tangle in the strands of hair at the nape of Even’s neck and fuck, it feels even softer than it looks.

He tugs on it and gets a groan in return.

Kissing Even feels so unbelievably good and with the addition of his hands on Isak’s body, Isak is about to lose his mind. Their tongues are sliding playfully against each other and they just keep smiling. The sounds of the party are drowned out, the only thing Isak can hear is the blood rushing in his ears.

Even’s other hand slides up his side, making Isak’s t-shirt ride up. Isak can feel goosebumps breaking over his exposed skin after the cold air hits it and he shudders. Even must feel it because he presses his body closer against Isak’s.

All Isak can feel is Even, Even, Even. His lips, his hands, his everything.

And then the spell is broken.

One moment they are kissing and the next Even's stepped back and Isak's eyes flutter open, his mouth gaping.

He feels empty.

Even’s face is flushed and by the looks of his disheveled hair, Isak’s hand must have traveled higher. But he isn’t looking at Isak. Isak’s eyes jump to Even’s lips, spit-slicked and puffy. They are moving, he’s talking but he’s talking to someone else on his right. When Isak’s eyes follow, he’s met with Sonja saying something back, a small smile on her face.

Isak notices then, that one of Even’s arms is still wrapped around his waist. He blinks a couple of times so at the very least he can understand what they are talking about. Can’t miss them mentioning something to him because he’s having a gay moment, can he.

He tunes in just as Sonja says, “I can say the party is fun,” with a teasing glint in her eyes before she looks them up and down meaningfully. Even barks out a laugh and pulls Isak closer to his side.

“If it wasn’t we wouldn’t be here,” Even says and Isak narrows his eyes at him. He’s talking as if they have come here together.

“By the way is it like, official or?” Sonja asks, wiggling her eyebrows. And Isak is even more confused.

“Have been going steady for over a month now,” Even says and smiles brightly. Sonja beams back at him, no trace of jealousy or malice in it.

“Glad to know you are happy,” she says, her tone genuine. “Anyways, I have to go back to my friends, I just wanted to say hi. You are a cute couple.” She winks and leaves, waving at them.

“Did you just tell her we’ve been together for more than a month?” Isak asks, his voice husky and Even finally gazes back at him.

“Yeah,” he breathes out, sheepish. “I hope it’s okay with you?”

"Sure, but why?" It's totally not okay with him and his heart but whatever. At least in Sonja's head, Isak is more than a friend to Even.

“I made quick math in my head. She’s met you a couple of times before, we are here together without anyone else from our group. It would be weird if we were suddenly hooking up. Obviously, we have to be dating,” Even explains, his arm still around Isak’s waist.

“Obviously,” Isak deadpans. “You put a lot of thought into it,” Isak answers weakly.

Even shrugs.

And if only Isak knew it was just the beginning.

***

A week later and it’s as if the kiss has never happened. Even acts completely normal and doesn’t even mention it.

Isak is pulled back into reality. Given how hectic his life’s been lately, it’s unavoidable. That, however, doesn't stop him from replaying the way Even kissed him at least ten times per hour. Needless to say, he has troubles focusing on the simplest tasks.

For example on Monday, he’s burnt his eggs. Two days later he knocked on Jonas’ neighbor’s door and then proceeded to get into Julian’s bed instead of his own on the same day. And let’s not talk about how much he’s fucked up his clothes while doing laundry on Thursday.

By the time the weekend is around the corner, he’s frustrated by how much the memory of Even’s skin is affecting him. On top of that, a mere day after the party, Sonja sent him a friend request on Facebook and even messaged him. Told him that if anything ever happens or if he has any questions, she’ll be happy to help.

Which is sweet of her and all, but if he really was Even’s boyfriend and something was up (Isak assumed she had meant Even’s bipolar), Isak is sure he’d reach out to Even’s closest friends or parents. Definitely not his ex unless it was necessary.

But still, he thanked her.

All in all, it's been a weird week and the fact he gets stopped by a guy with bibles when he's on the way home doesn't make it any less odd.

He knows he’s an easy target. The fact that he’s openly gay and has a rainbow badge pinned to his backpack just fucking screams ‘talk to me about Jesus’. Isak is aware of it but damn, spare him.

He was supposed to meet up with Even who has a day off and they were going to chill a little bit. Isak can fucking see him over the guy’s shoulders, for fucks’ sake.

Isak keeps sending him helpless looks, trying to convey with his eyebrows how pathetic his situation is. The guy is passionately telling him something he doesn't have the energy to listen to, along with quoting fragments from the Bible.

Amazing, just what he needed after three hours of the biology lab.

“I’m sorry but I’m in a hurry,” Isak half whines, trying to bypass the guy but fails. Completely unbothered by what Isak said, the guy just takes a step to the side and once again blocks Isak’s way of escape. At least he isn’t aggressive.

And Isak can completely ignore him and leave without a word but despite some parental neglect, he was raised to be a polite person. So he stays, a pained expression spread over his face.

If he retells the story to his mom, she’s going to make fun of him. Isak is sure of it.

He swears he’s been standing there forever when he sees Even walking towards them. He squints his eyes, wary. Even is sporting a charming smile and it gets wider the closer he is.

Once he approaches them, Even throws an arm over Isak’s shoulders and as if it was the most normal thing to do, he pecks Isak on his temple.

“Babe, what’s been taking you so long?” he mumbles into Isak’s hair and the guy stops talking, looking rather caught off guard. Isak can say that his own expression is probably as puzzled, if not more.

Despite it, he rasps out, “Got stopped,” and leans a little into Even.

Even then glances at the guy, brows furrowed as if that fucker hasn’t been across the yard the whole time, watching the scene unfold while Isak tried his hardest to escape. Instead of being a director he really should consider becoming an actor.

“Hey now, why are you ambushing my boyfriend like that?” Even asks in a gentle voice, a kind but serious look on his face. The guy looks visibly uncomfortable, whether with them being apparently gay or with being called out like that, Isak doesn’t know.

But also, Even called him his boyfriend and what the fuck.

“I was just talking,” the guy utters, ducking his head and it’s so unfair. Isak’s been trying to let him know he wants to be left alone for a couple of minutes but was ignored. But here Even comes.

That’s just mean.

“Really? Because from what I’ve noticed you wouldn’t let him leave and I thought we were past forcing religion on other people,” he says, resting the side of his head against Isak’s. That gesture catches the guy’s eye and Even must notice because he perks up at this. “And if you have a problem with him being gay, it’s your own personal issue. Nothing you can support with your religion. Be nicer, okay? Now, excuse us, we have places to be,” Even finishes and steers Isak into the opposite way from the guy, not even sparing him a glance.

“Wow, that was…” Isak starts but can’t really find a proper word. Besides, Even’s arm is still around his shoulders and Even doesn’t seem like he’s going to pull away anytime soon. It’s hard to come up with anything coherent.

“Really cool? I know,” Even says and chuckles.

“I mean, I wish he had listened to me when I’d tried to get him off my back. Also, why did you pretend to be my boyfriend in front of him?” And like other people who were there and possibly knew Isak.

“You helped me last time and I thought that I owed you. And nothing shuts people up like couples. Worked with Sonja, worked with him,” Even explains and shrugs.

It’s the first time Even has mentioned the thing at the party but he’s so casual he could be talking about the weather. That only makes Isak realize that he should probably let that go.

***

It all blows up later that day, once Isak’s back in his bedroom, having returned from Even’s. He’s scrolling through his social media when the storm starts.

Ever since his interest in Even has picked up, he unmuted the group chats. So now when he gets a notification, he just clicks on it without much thought behind it.

Mikael
i can’t believe i find out about my bff having a bf from his ex gf
friendship ended with even now mutta is my best friend

Adam
hey I thought I was your best friend

Elias
bf stands for boyfriend adam we all kno it was even
but also what

Mutta
even has a what

Mikael
u r gonna lose ur shit when i tell u who it is
like this whole chat better get prepared i see yall reading

Adam
I already know because like I was the first person u screamed this at

Sana
Bring it on

Mikael
dududuuddudu
it’s
isak

Mutta
wooooooooooo

Sana
Hm

Magnus
WHAT
SINCE WHEN
WTHAT

Mikael
it was actually funny i was chilling adam was massaging my feet
and i was texting w sonja about our fave show
then she asks me how is even and isak
and im like good ig why
i was so confused why she was asking about both of them
and shes like i hope it works out between them

Mutta
aww cute evens ex is so supportive

Adam
Thank god she wasn’t supportive when Even had the hots for Mikael

Mikael
aNYWAY
i was like what and she was like hm? i ran into them recently
and guess fucking what

Eva
what

Mikael
“even told me they’ve been tgt for over a month already it’s nice to finally see him this happy”
also she said no offense but i don’t remember the last time he kissed me like that even when we were tgt
and then i played it off like ohhhhhh yeah i forgot abt them
because i didn’t want her thinking even didn’t tell me

Mahdi
I love that you can see them reading it but neither of them says anything.

Magnus
souhfushfsuh
i hope jonas didn’t know bc if he did that’s just mean isak

Noora
I was actually going to say something about it
I heard some rumors from the girls I have classes with
But I didn’t want to pry

Vilde
I’m sosososo happy for you guys!

Chris
I will drink to that!

Jonas
mag I had no idea either

Mikael
it all makes sense even’s been glued to his phone

Mutta
and they’ve gotten weirdly closer to eo recently
ADMIT IT THAT DAY AT THE ZOO WAS YOUR FIRST DATE
it would be almost two months now

Even
hahaha no it wasn’t

Jonas
yeah I was supposed to meet up with them that time
and also as far as I know they weren’t talking then yet

Mikael
so it’s all thanks to jonas being a shitty friend and ditching them
it must have started then
also omg one of them spoke up TELL US MORE BITCH

Isak wants to tell them it’s only been a joke, wants to type out something, anything, but his fingers are shaking and he can't catch a breath. Then he gets a private message from Even. Everything stops altogether.

want to mess with them a little?

wdym

obviously they believed rumors before checking any facts with us
we could say we are dating but act normally and see which one of them is our True Friend
and sees through our bullshit first
and it’d let us hang out with no questions asked
but only if you are comfortable with it

i mean why not

Why not? There are thousands of reasons why not, but Isak lacks any sense of self-preservation and hates himself. He goes back to the main groupchat, Mikael’s reply still being the last. As if the rest was just waiting for Isak and Even to say something. Maybe they are.

Even
what’s there to tell we just got to know each other and started liking each other n stuff

Mutta
n stuff
and they say romance is dead

Mikael
U HAVE A BOYFRIEND I WANT ALL DETAILS

see thats why we didnt wanna tell anyone

Magnus
WE ARE UR FRIENDS THO
i told yall everything

Sana
You told us too much

Chris
;)

Mikael
how come sonja out of all people found out first

Even
we were at the same party last weekend and she caught us making out

Elias
u go to parties without us now i see i see

Jonas
I thought u were going there with Julian? @isak

i mean well yeah julian was there too

Eva
i can’t believe

Noora
Eskild is going to be so proud Isak
I’m so happy for you
Even is so nice he’s gonna treat you right

thanks, i guess?

Honestly, fuck his life.

***

Funnily enough, the next time Isak meets Even is, when he’s supposed to play FIFA at Jonas’ with Mahdi and Magnus.

He knows that not only Even, but the rest of his group is also there. They are cooking dinner or something. That’s what Isak’s gathered from everything Even’s told him.

People let the topic of them dating go after around two days, sure, but it’s the first time they are going to be around each other when the others know. His boys already tried to squeeze all the information out of him, not to mention his phone call with Eskild which lasted almost three hours.

(Let's say, it was easier to make things up through the texts.)

Needless to say, he's a little nervous when he plops down on the couch next to Jonas. He can hear loud chatter from the kitchen. If he focuses hard enough he can hear Even's voice. It takes all of his willpower to keep up with what his guys are up to instead of eavesdropping. That's how whipped he is.

The fact the others won’t be in the kitchen forever makes Isak’s skin crawl. Ugh, he’s also well aware their friends will expect him and Even to act differently now.

The thought of their every move being watched is unnerving.

“Do you want something to drink?” Jonas asks, his eyes glued to the TV Mahdi and Magnus are competing against each other on.

He glances at Jonas and then shakes his head.

At first, Isak was scared that Jonas would be angry at him for keeping secrets from him again. Isak even texted him, expressed how apologetic he was. Because despite the relationship being fake, the possibility of Jonas feeling like Isak didn't trust him enough weighted down on him.

Jonas, however, was chill with it. Said that he understood they might have needed time and that he’s happy Isak’s no longer pining after Even.

If only.

“I could use some beer,” Magnus mumbles, not even sparing either of them a glance and Jonas snorts.

“Then move your ass and get it yourself. I’m not stepping into that kitchen right now,” Jonas says.

“What the fuck, you just asked Isak if he wanted something,” Magnus retorts.

“That’s a polite thing to do,” Jonas says, frowning. Mahdi snickers and reaches his fist out to bump it against Jonas’.

“Isak, would you bring me some? Please,” Magnus whines.

Isak really doesn't want to go. Actually, the last thing on his mind is walking into the kitchen where Even is with his friends. The friends who were adamant about knowing every single thing about their made up relationship.

But. If he says no without a reason, Jonas will sense something’s wrong. And once Jonas does, both Mahdi and Magnus will catch onto it, too. Soon after that, this whole act will be done and in spite of his nervousness, Isak may want to pretend to be Even's boyfriend for slightly longer.

Eskild gushing over them has nothing to do with it. At all.

That’s why if he wants it to look even remotely real, he can’t avoid being in the same space as his boyfriend. That would be too suspicious.

With that in mind, he stands up and takes his steps towards the kitchen.

Once he’s in the doorway, he understands what Jonas meant. The place is not only a mess, food scattered everywhere, but it’s also overcrowded. Yousef and Even are by the stove, mixing something on pans and talking with the rest over their shoulders. Elias and Adam are chopping some vegetables on the counter next to the stove, while Mutta and Mikael are munching on the food that’s already been prepared. There’s barely any place to move.

Once Mikael notices Isak, though, his whole face lights up and he nudges Mutta, who looks up with a confused frown on his face. The moment the understanding dawns on him, however, he cackles.

Isak supposes he should do something if his presence has been acknowledged.

He clears his throat and nods at the amused two who are watching him uncomfortably shift his weight on his legs.

Finally, he steps further and tries to get to the fridge without knocking someone over. The closer he gets, the more people turn their heads and eventually he’s greeted with a loud, “Hello!”

“Yeah, hi,” he replies quietly, opening the fridge and marveling at the way the cold air from it soothes his flushed skin.

He can feel six pairs of eyes burning holes in his back and he takes some extra time to pick the beers for himself and the rest of the boys. Sure, only Magnus made a request but he’s a good friend. He’s sure the remaining two will appreciate the gesture.

Isak hates the fact that all conversations in the kitchen died down the moment he was noticed. They can’t be subtle, can they.

“Cooking anything good?” he asks, one of his arms clutching the beers to his chest while the other closes the fridge.

“Hopefully. We are just throwing in all the shit that’s expiring soon and praying it won’t taste awful,” Elias replies once Isak’s has turned towards them.

“Cool,” he says and realizes how fucking awkward he is. “Um… you do your thing. I’ll just,” he points a finger towards the living room, deliberately ignoring shit-eating grins almost all the boys are wearing. Even looks amused.

That little shit seems to be seconds away from bursting out with laughter and Isak squints at him before he starts retreating.

“I can’t believe it,” Mikael cries out before Isak makes it out of the kitchen. “I’ve been dying to see you two together and I get what? Half-assed eye contact?”

Isak huffs and turns back. He can’t believe he let Even pull him into this.

"Hug me you asshole I have beers that need to be delivered," Isak mumbles towards Even, his eyes cast down and cheeks burning. He extends his free arm.

Even shakes his head but complies and in the next second, Isak finds himself enveloped in a tight embrace, his breath taken away.

Isak wraps his own arm around Even’s waist and God, he could swear he’s never felt as safe and warm as he does in this moment. Even doesn’t let go and Isak squeezes his eyes shut to properly savor this moment. He’s never been very fond of hugs and physical contact in general but this experience may change his mind.

He distantly hears Mikael saying, "They skipped the honeymoon phase and jumped right into we've been married for years one."

Isak doesn’t pay him, or the wolf whistles coming from the other boys, any mind and just sags against Even heavily, humming in contentment. Even’s palms rub over his back and Isak thinks he’s going to melt.

The hug ends way too soon for Isak’s liking but the soft smile he receives from Even might make up for it.

“Go to your boys,” Even says and ruffles Isak’s hair.

Isak’s heart has only slightly sped up but mostly he just feels warm and relaxed all around. Comforted in a way. And that sensation doesn’t leave him even for a second when he comes back to the living room.

“Looks like someone has seen his boyfriend,” Magnus teases when Isak sits back down. Jonas is at the console with Mahdi now but both of them turn their heads and chuckle.

Jonas reaches out to poke him into his cheek with a finger.

“Didn’t even know you could smile like that,” he comments and Isak feels himself blushing.

He just tosses the beers towards them in hopes that will shut them up.

Thankfully, they don’t say anything more.

***

I have good and bad news

shoot

good news are I told the boys you aren’t big on pda
and that you are shy
and I’m your first Real Boyfriend that’s why we aren’t sucking faces in front of them
they understood

wow thanks for putting all the blame on me

I made out with Sonja in public enough for them to know how I act when I’m with someone

so u r that kind of dude

what kind of dude

gross w their s/o around others

fuck off you wish someone was as gross with you
bad news is that mikael couldn't stop bitching
cuz he really wanted to see us smooching

tell him hes a weirdo for wanting to watch other ppl kiss

he just loves Gay Love
anyway as far as I kno they don’t suspect anything
what about your boys

believe im irrevocably in love w u

great

i have a study session w sana in two days n i feel that she will figure it out

if we end up talking about more than biology that is

so we are going to be boyfriends for two more days then

***

Isak’s been scribbling down formulas from his book for an hour while Sana’s been working on her laptop, a comfortable silence between them interrupted only by a question here and there. They are both sitting on the floor, their backs leaning against the foot of Sana’s bed.

At one point Isak’s phone buzzes a few times in a row and he takes a glance at the screen. It’s Even and Isak’s fingers are itching to check the messages but Sana’s cough makes him refrain from doing so. He looks up and is met with her judging gaze.

“Phones are supposed to be on silent,” she reminds him, her hands hovering over the keyboard.

“Sorry,” he says just as his screen lights up with another notification and the name catches Sana’s eye. She smirks at him.

“So. You and Even,” she says, her stare piercing through Isak.

He laughs breathlessly, playing with his pen. He’s sure that Sana’s seconds away from calling him out.

“What about it?” he asks and hopes it comes across as casual.

Sana shrugs, looking to the side. “Can’t say I’m surprised. Could’ve fooled others but I know you. There was something up with you two from the beginning. I just didn’t want to corner you. Because, you know, you and feelings.” She rolls her eyes and what’s that supposed to mean.

“Feelings and I are doing amazing, thank you very much,” he mutters, crossing his arms over his chest. That makes Sana huff out a laugh.

“Apparently, if you got yourself a boyfriend,” she remarks and nudges him playfully in the shoulder. “For real, though, you deserve someone nice who will treat you well. Even is that kind of guy. I’ve known him for years and he’d never hurt you on purpose,” Sana says, her voice fond and the fact someone says such sweet words about Even makes Isak’s chest fill up with warmth.

“Yeah, well. I’m not sure I deserve him,” he mumbles helplessly, trying to turn it into a joke but failing.

Maybe they aren’t dating, but the fear of not being good enough for Even is real. Truth be told, Isak doesn’t think he’s worthy of Even as a friend. He’s not even indulging the thought of deserving more.

“That’s just dumb. Isak, I don’t say that a lot, but you are a great person. Maybe you come across as harsh or cold sometimes. Sure. And the same could be said about me. But you’ve got a big heart and you love your friends. Life’s been mean to you, so please, let yourself be happy for once,” she says and grabs his hand. Squeezes it gently before letting go. “Say ‘screw you’ to all the thoughts that make you doubt it,” she adds and Isak snorts.

Was he sitting here with someone else, he’d get embarrassed for getting emotional over that speech. But it’s Sana, so he isn’t scared of looking like he’s seconds away from crying. People caring about him and being all around nice just make him feel a certain way.

“Okay, let’s get back to our favorite subject,” Sana says, her voice determined and soon after the sound of her fingers tapping over the keyboard is the only noise to be heard.

Isak nods. She’s amazing.

He casts a last longing glance at his phone before he returns to making his notes.

Despite his earlier beliefs, Sana does not, in fact, figure it out. Quite the opposite.

And later, Isak thinks that he's the only one to blame for that. She's seen right through him. It's just not Sana's fault that he's so transparent about his growing feelings for Even. So transparent that it overshadows the truth of them not being together. Maybe that's why his friends, especially Jonas, believe it, too.

***

It was supposed to be a quiet library day for Isak. To sort his notes out and study a little bit. He hasn’t come to the university just to score himself fake boyfriends and hang out with his friends. He’s a diligent student who doesn’t half-ass, doesn’t let all these mundane things keep him from learning.

He just doesn’t, okay?

The fact that not only Even, but also Mikael, Adam, Elias and Yousef have joined him might be contradictory to all of the above, but he swears he hasn’t planned for all of this to happen.

It’s just this. This Even. The second Isak told him about his plans, he wanted in. Isak only agreed because he can’t say no to Even, especially when it comes to spending time together.

So the two of them were supposed to be there. The rest invited themselves for reasons unknown to Isak.

“I swear I told them not to come,” Even whispers into Isak’s ear when they are all squeezed around a table in the library.

They don’t even intend on studying, each talking over another and Isak wonders when they’ll be kicked out of the library.

He glances at Even and there’s an apologetic look in his eyes. Well, Isak can’t be mad at him, can he.

“As long as I can study in peace, they are allowed to stay,” Isak mumbles, reaching into his backpack to pull his massive book out.

Isak can see from the corner of his eye as Even’s whole face lights up and he barely refrains from smiling. He’s so fond of this boy.

Unfortunately, their chatter gets unbearable after a couple of minutes, no matter how many times Even shushes them. Each time they only coo at him for being a caring boyfriend and get back to their discussion.

Isak’s been reading the same paragraph for the past five minutes now. For fuck’s sake.

He looks up. Even’s joined that ruckus. He’s watching something on Mikael’s phone right now, commenting it indignantly while the other boys laugh.

Isak clears his throat and kicks Even in the shin to get his attention. Even yelps and looks at Isak in confusion.

Isak props his chin up on the heel of his palm, his smile devilish. “Even, baby, can you tell your friends that if they don’t shut the fuck up this instant I’ll tell the librarian that they want to start a fire here and ask her to call the security?” he asks, his voice overly sweet. “Don’t think I won’t do it. You are on thin ice, too,” he warns and Even gulps.

“We are so, so sorry, Isak,” Yousef declares solemnly.

“Just, you know you can all leave and hang out together? You can take Even if that’s why you are here, I won’t mind. I really need to get some shit done,” he says, this time with no trace of malice in his voice.

“We wanted to hang out with you two, though,” Mikael insists, pouting.

“You are a part of the family now,” Elias adds.

“We will be quiet from now on,” Adam promises and pretends to zip his lips. Isak looks at the other boys and they nod.

Well, would you look at it. A small threat will work miracles.

“Fine,” Isak says and glances back at Even.

Even sends his way a private kind of smile and Isak ducks his head, this time playfully nudging Even’s foot with his own.

Isak gets back to his reading and can focus for the first time he’s gotten here.

The boys factually keep quiet, mostly exchanging texts with each other, if them tapping on their screens is any indication. Even, though, must have decided to step up his act because Isak can feel his burning gaze on his face.

At one point Isak even looks up at Even, to convey with his eyes that he doesn’t have to. But Even only sighs, unbothered by being caught and grins.

Isak nods towards the boys. Even, in response, shakes his head and continues watching him.

That must be boring and really unproductive. Before that Isak was sure Even would bring some material to study from as well since the whole point of coming to the library was studying. To each their own, though, Isak guesses.

Perhaps Even really wants his friends to believe they are dating. That staring could even convince Isak there's something more. That is if he didn't know the truth.

But he does.

***

Mikael
[sent photo]
evens really just *heart eyes emoji* for his boy huh

Adam
He’s been staring at him for so long guys do we do something about this

Mutta
whipped
cant believe it u crashed their date

Elias
which one makes it harder for isak to study our loudness or even being creepy
i say the second

Mikael
i remember when adam looked at me like that too
good times

Adam
Aha you know I’m literally next to you

Mutta
lovers quarrel

Vilde
this is so cute

Magnus
OMG where are you ill come

Yousef
I don’t think that isak would appreciate that

Eva
let him study he needs a degree evens dick wont feed him forever

Mutta
tbh i don’t think they did the do like they don’t look like they have

Eva
wdym

Mutta
they don’t have the we fuck like rabbits glow

Mikael
they barely touch each other that would tell you they haven’t fucked not some glow

Sana
I don’t think their sex life is our concern

Chris
it is

Eva
exactly
i agree with mikael tho isak is too tense but not in the i take a dick up my ass way
but in the i don’t take a dick up my ass and im sad abt it way

Adam
Can we go back to Even staring at Isak like some lovesick puppy I liked it better
Besides they just smiled at each other

Eva
AWW

***

The moment Isak gets a notification that he’s been added to another group chat, he’s just stepped out of the shower.

He wraps a towel around his waist, his eyebrows furrowed. The name of the chat is ‘lovebirds’ and that alone makes him frown. He notices that Even’s been also added and already has a bad feeling about it.

His thumb moves over the members and the realization dawns on him. Noora and Eva, Sana and Yousef, Magnus and his boyfriends, Mikael and Adam.

They’ve just been added to a group chat for couples. Isak didn’t even know something like that existed.

He goes on to message Even.

whats going on

hm?

that gc what is this

idek

This time Isak scowls. They haven’t talked as much in the past few days. Isak hasn’t seen Even as well. He’s figured they were probably just too busy. But this doesn’t sound like usual Even.

u ok?

yeah just been feeling a little low lately
sorry

dont be sorry u have nothing to be sorry for

im just worried

is it major low?

im replying to you so no

And Isak’s heart swells slightly at that and he sits down on the toilet lid. As much as they might have brought up the matter of Even’s bipolar in the time they’ve gotten closer, Even seemed fine most of the time. However, Isak remembers the period when they were only acquaintances. Even had gone through a manic episode and then crashed for almost a week. It was a mere month after his break up with Sonja.

Isak recalls hearing about it from Magnus when he had asked once where Even was off to. He felt like shit and wished he could help, even though they had barely known each other.

So now, he just really wants to be there for Even as much as Even will let him.

want me to come over?

we could watch a movie or smth

im not sure im the best companion for that rn

its fine ill just put on smth u dont like

okay

Isak is at Even’s shortly after.

Even’s skin is pale and Isak finds out his hands are cold when their fingers accidentally brush once they try to adjust a blanket around them. Even’s eyes lack the usual spark, he’s quieter and just leans heavily against Isak’s body, places his head on his chest. Isak doesn’t mind, though. He puts his arm over Even’s shoulders.

They watch Click and Even doesn’t make any comment on the choice, just curls up closer to Isak.

By the time the movie is nearing the end and tears are streaming down Isak’s cheeks, Even has long fallen asleep against him and has nearly slid down to Isak’s lap.

It’s good, Even would never let him live if he knew that Isak cries on an Adam Sandler movie.

(But the scene in the rain gets him every time.)

Once the movie has ended, he quietly turns the laptop off and puts it on the floor. Then, as gently as possible maneuvers Even’s body in a way he’s comfortably lying in his bed, his head on the pillow instead of Isak’s body.

Isak tucks him in, brushes the fringe off his forehead and leaves the room.

Hopes that Even will feel at least slightly better.

In the minute he’s getting to his own bed, he’s already forgotten about the chat.

That’s why when he gets a shitton of notifications the next day during his dinner, to say he’s puzzled would be an understatement.

Everything gets clearer, though, when Noora explains. Turns out the chat was made when Noora got together with Eva and Sana and Yousef started dating. Magnus with Anders and Erik were added later, and then Mikael and Adam around last September.

The main purpose of the chat is for them to make plans like shared dates and whatnot. Or send cute photos. Sometimes gush together about things they think are too couple-y for their other friends. So it's not too active, just the healthy amount, as Noora says. She also mentions that they only add couples after an earlier discussion on whether the couple will break up any time soon. Once it's decided the pair(or three) is solid, they get added.

(Rest in pieces to all the girlfriends Jonas had over the past two years and not even once were they added.)

This is such an organized system it just screams Noora all over the place but Isak doesn’t say it. He just takes it all in. Especially the fact that their friends think of him and Even as solid enough to involve them.

Considering they’ve only been official for maybe two or so weeks, and have been dating for a little over a month, it doesn’t look that legit. Not to mention they aren’t even dating for real. But what does Isak know. He’s never been too good when it comes to relationships.

(And if he feels a wave of guilt washing over him because it might have gotten too far. He ignores it. Because Sana was right, Isak and feelings.)

Then, just to make things worse, Sana informs that they are planning a picnic and would love Isak and Even to come. She also adds that she will send a list of things they are supposed to bring. Because they are a couple now. So they get to shop together. Makes sense.

Mikael finishes it all with as we are all dating we are all ok with pda! and Isak nearly chokes on his soup.

He didn’t sign up for this.

***

The picnic is supposed to be on Sunday, so Isak and Even go shopping the day before.

Even’s mostly okay now. Still has moments in which he spaces out and needs to rest more, but all in all, Isak is optimistic. Especially after witnessing Even’s excitement at the prospect of the grocery shopping.

Maybe he doesn’t look like he’s in the best condition – prominent eye-bags, greasy hair he’s hiding under a hood and the fact he hasn’t showered in the last two days(he’s literally warned Isak about it earlier that day). Although, it’s not like Isak is peaking either. He’s wearing a snapback over his unwashed hair and his sweatshirt has a couple of food stains he’s never bothered to get rid of.

They make quite a pair.

At least the store isn’t very busy.

They are ought to buy some cheese, ham, jam, bread and make sandwiches out of that. Sana said she didn’t trust Isak with cooking, no matter how much Even insisted that he’d be happy to prepare something.

That’s why Isak calls Jonas his best friend.

(Kidding, Sana is up there, too. Despite her lack of faith in Isak’s cooking skills.)

Isak’s calculated how much money he, as a completely broke university student, can spend on this and told Even to add the same amount. As one can suspect, they can’t really go wild and Isak’s decided to look at the cheapest things from the moment they’ve stepped into the store.

Even, however, keeps putting expensive products into their basket. He doesn’t even bother looking at the price tags.

“Even, what’s this jam doing here?” Isak asks in an exasperated tone, pointing to the jar in the basket.

They've already gone through it with cheese. Not only did Even spend a good fifteen minutes picking the best one, but his choice turned out to be the most luxurious one. Isak just shook his head and grabbed a random pack of cheese so they could move on.

Even turns around from where he’s been eyeing a jar of marmalade.

“It’s. Um. There?” he says, his eyes crinkling with contained laughter. Something tells Isak that Even just loves getting on his nerves.

"It's a big brand. What have I told you about it? We have a limited budget," Isak says, putting the jar back on the shelf. Even's face falls.

“But it has pieces of fruit!” he cries out, throwing his arms up.

“They’ll live,” Isak insists, putting some generic jam into the basket.

“You know I could pay for it,” Even says and Isak groans. He starts walking towards another aisle and a second later he hears Even following him.

“That wouldn’t be fair. Also, apparently it’s a couple thing. That’s what Sana told me.”

“I don’t remember doing something like that with Sonja. Shopping with a shared budget, I mean. Sounds like something a suburban married couple with two kids would do, not a pair of uni students,” Even says, his tone thoughtful, but it doesn’t seem like he’s very troubled by the idea.

Isak gives him a sidelong glance and then comes to a halt in front of the fridges.

“It has something to do with sharing or some other shit,” he mumbles, eyeing the meat behind the glass.

"It's domestic," Even replies, a smile audible in his voice. "By the way, are we shopping as a couple, too? Can't run into someone and have them think we are just two bros chilling," he says and without any hesitation, he presses his front to Isak's back. His slender arms wrap around Isak's middle and he props his chin up on Isak's shoulder.

Even is back-hugging Isak in the middle of the grocery store, in front of the display with sausages and ham. It shouldn’t feel grand, but it does.

Isak is so fucking happy that Even can’t properly see his face now and can’t witness how embarrassingly red his cheeks must be.

His heart is beating fast in his chest and it starts doing somersaults once Even’s breath brushes over the skin of Isak’s neck. He’s scared to move because if he does, Even’s face may get closer to his own and then what. He’ll die.

“I think we should take this one,” he says, in a weak voice, pointing a finger at a random pack of ham he hasn’t really looked at.

Even huffs, his head moving slightly to the side and his cheek nearly touches Isak’s.

“I know we are going for cheap but I’m sure we can afford something that at least has some meat in it,” Even jokes and chuckles at how Isak sighs.

Even reaches out one of his hands to pull the glass open, while his other one is still holding onto Isak, and he gently pushes Isak forward to step closer so he can inspect the products better.

Isak doesn’t really pay attention to the packages Even’s considering. His clammy palm is holding onto the handle of the basket so hard he’s sure his knuckles have turned white and his gaze keeps venturing down, to the arm wrapped around him.

If only Even knew what he does to Isak.

For the most part, gives him a near death experience and for the other, puts him at ease. Not to mention all the longing that spreads through Isak.

Oh, how he wishes they were something for real.

He’s brought back from his thoughts by Even waving a plastic box in front of his face.

“Earth to Isak,” Even whispers into his ear and Isak barely stops himself from having a full-body shiver. “This one seems to be okay and its price is like. Average. What do you think?”

Isak raises his free arm and takes the box from Even, not letting their fingers brush because Isak’s already fragile. He reads the label, hums and wordlessly puts it in the basket.

By the way that Even's cheek presses against Isak's skin, he guesses Even's grinning.

Choosing what bread to buy goes rather quickly and Even only lets go of Isak when they approach the cash register. He stills keeps close to Isak and Isak's only explanation of this is Even being extra clingy after feeling depressed. Maybe he's also exhausted by all that walking.

His theory, Isak thinks, gets further proved when they are in the tram and Even dozes off, his head falling to rest on Isak’s shoulder.

It’s okay. Isak will gladly give Even as much comfort as he can.

***

They've had to place three blankets to have enough room not only to sit down but also lay out all the food. Noora and Eva have brought a salad, Sana and Yousef a carrot cake, Mikael and Adam provided them with some chocolate chip cookies (Even's favorite) and Magnus along with his boyfriends came with a couple of bottles of soda and also a bag full of various fruits.

And of course, Isak and Even’s sandwiches. They spent way too long on them, considering it’s just sandwiches. But most of the time in which they were obnoxiously occupying the shared kitchen, consisted of them just fucking around or Isak going on rants while Even listened intently. Eventually, though, they were done.

They’ve made two sets – one by Isak, slightly messy and lacking proportions and another by Even, looking invitingly and supposed to be for their Muslim friends.

Let’s hope their first project as a couple isn’t a total failure.

The spring sun's shining on them and it's apparent that May is just around the corner. With the much warmer weather coming along.

Isak's sitting next to Even, their sides almost touching. And at first, Isak was scared their friends would give them looks, or expect something. But aside from some initial teasing from Mikael, no one pays them any mind. Maybe it's because they are amongst couples.

It’s almost like their usual get-togethers, people are eating and catching up on the latest events but.

But Noora keeps feeding Eva and Eva gives her kisses between bites and they smile at each other all lovey-dovey. Mikael is sitting on Adam’s lap recalling to Yousef, Anders and Magnus what happened to him recently in the gym and Adam’s watching him with hearts in his eyes. Yousef is mindlessly playing with Sana’s fingers while her other hand is preoccupied with food. Erik is spread over Anders and Magnus’ laps. The former is squeezing his calf and the latter is carding his fingers through Erik’s dark curls.

Love is in the air.

Perhaps it’s all of this that urges Isak to slide his hand over to Even’s and grab it. He expects Even to pull away and he doesn’t realize he’s been holding his breath up until the moment Even laces their fingers. And everything falls into place. As if it was meant to happen.

His courage only lasts this much, though. Despite being visibly relaxed after Even didn’t reject his gesture, Isak keeps his gaze focused on Sana’s shoulder. His grounding point. He’s too scared of turning his head and seeing the look on Even’s face. Scared of possibly meeting Even’s eyes and having Even figure him out.

Then, Even moves their clasped hands into his lap. Isak’s lips part in surprise upon feeling Even’s thumb rub over the back of his palm. At the same time Even’s free hand starts stroking the skin of Isak’s knuckles, and it’s so, so tender.

Isak swears, he’s never been touched this gently.

***

Isak can’t sleep.

He keeps tossing and turning, his mind getting too loud for him to stand it. The tiredness doesn’t come and he loses his patience rather quickly. Don’t get him wrong. He knows how it feels like when you can’t sleep, years of insomnia making it familiar. It’s almost as if an old friend has come to visit. A friend you kind of are glad when they disappear from your life because they’ve been draining and toxic for you. But a friend nonetheless.

It’s funny, though, because he’s been sleeping pretty fine for the past few months and has almost forgotten what it’s like to be awake when all you want to do is fall asleep and stop keeping a count on how many hours are left until you have to be up.

Isak suspects the reasons behind the not so anticipated comeback are pressure coming from the university, that much is obvious, but most importantly, his growing feelings for Even.

He’s seen that coming and he hasn’t done anything to stop it so he shouldn’t be complaining right now.

Other people deal with their crushes by asking them out or having butterflies, or whatever, it's not like Isak would know. His way of handling this depends on him replaying every fucking moment he's spent with Even, reading too much into every single text they've exchanged and overthinking everything. All of it together stresses him out and results in him feeling anxious and awake instead of safe and sound.

The funniest part of it is that the only thing that would help him relax, is the same thing that makes him nearly throw up. Even’s calming presence. What else.

Isak groans at his own stupidity and then looks over to Julian’s bed, hopeful that he didn’t make enough noise to wake him up. At least one of them should be able to sleep.

Relieved after finding out Julian is still sleeping, he resigns himself to a walk. Anything to escape the room and maybe the prison that is his mind.

(Isak can get a little edgy at night, cut him some slack.)

He gets out of the room as quietly as possible, as not to disturb Julian, and steps out into the hallway. It’s silent and Isak finds comfort in it. It’s almost like he’s the only person in the building.

He walks along the wall, his fingers reaching out to tap on it rhythmically every few seconds. He expects that the steady pace of his steps will lead to him ending up tired and ready to fall asleep.

Well, he wishes it did work.

After around ten minutes of mindless walking, Isak gives up. Sure, he feels boredom but it doesn’t make him sleepy. So he pads to the kitchen, to at least try and busy himself somehow so the time will pass quicker.

Besides, he’d use a glass of water.

The light in the kitchen is on, its soft glow spilling out into the hallway and Isak blinks a couple of times when he notices six cups of coffee on the counter and the seventh being prepared by none other than Even.

Isak watches him, perplexed. The way he gracefully takes care of preparing another cup is entrancing. His hair is falling into his eyes but it doesn’t seem to bother him, his hands focused on his current task. Isak gets fixated on them, their moves. How Even’s fingers hold onto the jug of milk and the way he tilts it to pour the milk into the cup. Even looks like he’s in his element. There’s a sophisticated air surrounding the scene and Isak can’t help but feel warm.

The spell of the moment is broken by Even nearly spilling the milk when Isak, too engrossed in keeping his eyes on Even, walks into a chair left by someone in the middle of the kitchen.

Even turns around quickly, his eyes wide.

“What are you doing here?” Even asks and Isak shrugs, having regained his composure. He walks over to one of the shelves and takes a glass out of there.

Then he manages to fill it up with tap water and lean back against the sink.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he replies and takes a few huge gulps out of the glass. He loves how tasty and refreshing it is. Thanks, fish brain, for making the water taste like a liquor sent from Gods.

Once he’s done, he puts the glass down and steps closer to Even.

He throws a glance at all the coffees Even’s has prepared and chuckles.

“This amount of caffeine will kill you,” he jokes, hopping on the counter next to Even that isn’t occupied by the cups.

His right thigh nearly brushes against Even’s hip and Isak can feel the pull that’s telling him to move closer. Isak ignores the urge and chooses to simply stare at Even.

That’s how daring he is.

Well, he receives a smile from Even so that’s rewarding. Then he gets to observe Even again once his focus is back on the coffee. He’s frowning and the tip of his tongue is peeking out of the corner of his lips. Isak’s mind only comes up with one term to describe how Even looks like.

Endearing.

Something squeezes in Isak’s chest and it’s almost painful, how his fingers can’t trace Even’s features. God, he’s so sappy. Isak really needs some sleep.

He peeks at what exactly Even is doing once he overcomes his little meltdown and his curiosity gets the best of him.

Oh.

“A smiley face?”

Even hums, his lips twitching with glee when he’s done. He looks satisfied with the result.

"But why? And why at this ungodly hour?" Isak asks like he isn't also awake. Unlike Even, though, he's highly unproductive.

“Well, I’m practicing for my work. And since I don’t have time during the day, the night is the best occasion to practice,” Even explains nonchalantly while he adds the cup to the ones on the counter.

“What’s the point?” Isak prods, completely not getting where’s that dedication coming from.

He notices Even’s smile turning shy and it confuses him even more. Up until the moment Even speaks, his gaze meeting Isak’s.

“It’s not a big thing but could really make someone’s day. It’s the least I can do,” he utters quietly, his teeth catching on his bottom lip.

God, of course Even is so fucking nice he’ll sacrifice his sleep just to learn how to draw in coffee. Just to make someone at least a little happier. Because that’s the kind of person Even is. Beyond precious. Always giving. He’s just so genuinely selfless, so full of love and kindness. Isak may be biased but he doesn’t think people deserve all of that Even’s putting out to the world, expecting nothing in return.

Even averts his gaze, a small grin tugging on his lips and only then does Isak realize he’s been staring at Even.

He doesn’t look away. Can’t bring himself to do it.

Perhaps Isak’s had a crush on Even for a long time already, but if he had to point out the exact moment he’s fallen for him, he thinks it’d be this one. Because in this minute, he just knows and doesn’t fight it. For once, he doesn’t call himself stupid for loving this pure-hearted boy.

Isak embraces it even if it’ll hurt later.

In this quiet moment, when Even goes on to make yet another cup, humming a song Isak can’t recall ever listening to, Isak admits to himself that his heart has long stopped beating just for him.

Chapter Text

Days turn into weeks and before Isak knows it, it’s been over a month since the party, the kiss. Over a month since their friends found out about Even and him supposedly dating. And no one has figured it out. They keep hanging out and yet, there’s nothing. It’s almost like they can see Isak being in love with Even and just assume this whole scheme is real, simply because of it.

Sad how Isak’s feelings overshadow Even’s lack of them. But Even’s a good actor so here’s that.

One thing Isak’s certain about is that he’s gotten too used to being considered as Even’s boyfriend. Too comfortable with acting like he and Even share something special. He’s already built his nest and called it home when it’s fake and temporary.

His heart might get tricked into thinking it’s more than there actually is. How tragic.

Maybe if they didn’t get so close to each other, if they didn’t hang out that much. If Isak didn’t spend his free time either waiting for Even to end his shift at the café or making himself at home in Even’s room.

If they didn’t share secrets, didn’t know about each other’s fears and dreams.

If, if, if…

Maybe then, Isak wouldn’t get so attached. After all, he’d managed not to have any deeper feelings for around eight months before Jonas ditched them that one day.

But there’s nothing he can do about it now. Like it’s been said, he’s aware of how he’s feeling.

Isak has to accept his fate the same way he always does – just go with the flow, no matter what happens.

***

There have been a couple of get-togethers since the picnic but not one quite like this.

Perhaps because The LGBTs holds a certain importance for Isak. Maybe it’s the familiarity of the kollektivet and Eskild that make the meetings so different, or the fact Isak feels like he completely belongs.

Whatever it is, Isak’s missed it since they couldn’t meet last month – Eskild was visiting his sister for the last two weeks of April and they all collectively agreed it wouldn’t be the same without him.

Isak personally thinks that the lack of Eskild would simply suck.

But that’s because Eskild’s been always playing a huge role in Isak’s life. He gave him home, took care of him when no one else would. Has constantly been there for Isak no matter what and also helped Isak embrace his sexuality.

The Isak straight out of the closet was cynic, didn’t want to be associated with other gay people and didn't want to be too vocal about his identity. The Isak now, however, loves everything about his attraction to guys, is fond of the community and keeps buying unnecessary shit just because it has a rainbow on it. And he definitely doesn't put himself above anyone else.

That’s some good character development and most of it is thanks to Eskild. He’s shown Isak reasons to love himself. If Eskild didn’t call himself Isak’s co-parent and guru, Isak would definitely put him next to Jonas and Sana as his best friend.

(Unofficially, he kind of does anyway.)

So it’s no wonder Isak considers these meetings his favorite. Especially that he has so little time to see Eskild these days.

The 2000s biggest pop hits mix is playing from the speakers. The lights are dimmed and the furniture in the living room has been moved slightly to the wall as to make some sort of dancefloor. The meetings aren't some huge parties that last until four in the morning, more of a catch-up, but there's always someone who wants to dance. They're all gay in the end.

Isak’s sitting on the couch, holding a bottle of beer and watching Magnus and Erik making up a whole choreography to Britney Spears’ Toxic just to seduce Anders who’s on the other side of the room, losing his shit next to Mutta.

Speaking of Magnus and his boyfriends, looking at them you could never fucking guess what’s Magnus’ type. He’s fallen for two complete opposites. Anders is tall, like almost two meters tall, muscular and keeps wearing shorts along with tank-tops no matter the season. If Isak had to categorize him – and he hates doing that – Anders would be labeled as a total jock.

Erik, on the other hand, though short, is graceful. Almost always wearing at least one leather item. His bright make-up contrasts with his dark skin and he loves teasing.

Isak doesn’t know them that well, since they don’t hang out with them usually, but he’s listened to Magnus talking about them enough times, he feels like they are old friends.

Isak’s so engrossed in watching the spectacle, he doesn’t even notice Even plopping down next to him and instantly moving close enough for their sides to touch.

“How are you?” Even asks when Isak meets his eyes.

“Peachy,” Isak replies and snorts at Magnus’ attempt to hump the air. “What about you?” he says, moving his full attention to Even.

“Loving it. Almost everyone has come.”

Yeah. Aside from Magnus, his boyfriends and aforementioned Mutta, Eskild is chatting with Mikael by the speakers. There are Noora and Eva making out in the corner, and Mahdi having a dance-off with Adam.

Jonas still isn't sure about himself and Vilde couldn't come because of family matters. So the number of the present is actually great. There were times when less than a half of them showed up because of hectic schedules.

That’s why Isak simply breathes out a ‘yeah’ and bites down on his bottom lip.

Even looks really pretty in the soft glow of the lamps. There’s a stray lock of hair that has fallen into his face and Isak wants to reach out and move it so badly that his grip on the bottle tightens.

Funnily enough, Even doesn’t have problems like that and just puts his arm around Isak’s shoulders.

It’s not even like they haven’t interacted today – they’ve literally come to this place together, exchanged hellos with people, as a couple, once they arrived. But then everyone started talking with each other and now it feels like it’s been forever since they’ve last been around each other.

Isak is a really needy fucker, huh.

“I think I’m getting old,” Even says conversationally and pouts, his fingers absent-mindedly tugging at the sleeve of Isak’s t-shirt.

“Why?” Isak asks, a goofy smile playing at the corners of his lips.

“I drank almost two beers and I’m already getting tipsy.”

Isak hits him playfully in the chest. “You trying to reach your monthly limit so quickly?”

“Yeah, because the people here are nice,” Even says and nuzzles Isak’s temple, his nose brushing against Isak’s cheek.

The only thing that stops Isak from shitting his pants at this unexpected gesture is Eskild and Mikael approaching them.

Mikael places himself on the other side of Even, while Eskild sits down on the armrest next to Isak.

“Someone’s getting cozy,” Eskild singsongs, a huge grin on his face and Isak blushes.

Even pulls away slightly, but his arm doesn’t move from its place around Isak.

“I can’t believe that Isak’s gotten himself a real boyfriend.” Eskild pretends to dramatically wipe a tear and Isak rolls his eyes at the antics.

“I’ve had boyfriends before.”

Eskild huffs. “Yeah, the longest was what, two weeks before you called it off?” Eskild raises a skeptical eyebrow at Isak. “They were so meaningful I can’t, for the life of me, recall at least one name,” he says that to Even and Mikael, ignoring Isak’s groan on purpose.

“That’s rich coming from you,” Isak mutters, frowning.

“But I’m not a romantic like you, baby Jesus,” Eskild coos and ruffles Isak’s hair.

“Off topic, but I never thought Even would actually do something about it, so it’s not only Isak who’s hopeless,” Mikael says, looking impressed. “No offense, though,” he adds, patting Even on his forearm.

Both Isak and Eskild are looking at Mikael quizzically, but it’s Eskild who asks, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, his miserable crush on Isak made him break up with Sonja, his girlfriend of almost six years. But I thought he was too chicken to make a move. Turns out I was wrong,” Mikael explains and shrugs.

What.

Isak looks at Even, confused, but Even won’t meet his eyes and Isak desperately wants him to. He’s searching for something, but he doesn’t know what.

Even is tense, that’s for sure and his jaw seems clenched, but maybe it’s alcohol playing tricks on Isak, despite him not having drunk that much.

“Wow, Isak, it’s the second relationship you broke up. This one unknowingly, but still,” Eskild jokes, nudging Isak’s side and only then does Even perk up.

Great, that caught his attention.

"What?" both Even and Mikael ask in unison.

Isak hears Eskild taking a deep breath, getting ready to tell a story of the time Isak destroyed a relationship of his two best friends and Isak isn’t in the mood to reminiscence about those dark times.

His mind is blank, though, devoid of any topics he could bring up so he does the first thing he thinks will distract everyone.

Isak surges forward and plants an open-mouthed kiss on Even’s lips. Even lets out a surprised noise, but doesn’t push Isak away.

The realization of what Isak’s just done hits him and he’s about to move away when Even returns the kiss. It’s sloppy, since they are both tipsy and the way they are sitting isn’t very comfortable in this situation.

Soon enough, Even’s arm that isn’t around Isak lands over his waist and Even starts pulling Isak’s body closer to his. Isak ends up almost sitting on Even’s lap.

It's been over a month since they kissed for the first time, but Even tastes just as good. Just as Isak remembers and he almost whines at how it leaves him breathless. How their lips can't get enough of each other.

Then Even bites down on Isak's lip and his mouth parts in a silent moan. Even drags his tongue over Isak's teeth. Isak's fingers dig into Even's shoulder.

At this point, Isak knows that Mikael and Eskild have left, but they don't stop kissing.

Isak’s lips get sore. They don’t stop kissing.

Someone shouts something over the music. They don’t stop kissing.

Isak can’t catch his breath. They don’t stop kissing.

It gets too much.

They stop.

And Isak wonders.

***

It’s nearing midnight when they are going back to their dormitory. There’s a pregnant silence between them.

After the kiss, Isak excused himself and went quickly to the bathroom, to calm his nerves. When he got back, Even was already engaged in a discussion with Mahdi. The only time they’ve spoken to each other after that, was when Even asked Isak whether they were going back together. To which Isak only nodded.

Aside from that, nothing.

It’s unnerving and Isak’s hands are shaking. He really doesn’t like it and he blames himself for complicating things. For crossing Even’s boundaries.

He clears his throat and can see Even glancing at him from the corner of his eye.

“You didn’t tell me Mikael knew,” Isak mutters and looks at Even. Because of course, like a functioning adult he will avoid the topic he should address. He’ll straight up start talking about another thing that’s been bothering him. That’s how he works.

There’s a puzzled expression on Even’s face before something clicks and he gasps.

“Mikael has figured it out,” Even says simply, keeping his eyes on the pavement. “When I was telling him details about our relationship, he called me out. Me, sweeping you off your feet didn’t sound believable.” He clicks his tongue.

Isak scowls. “I thought we were going to come clean if one of our friends found out?”

"Yeah, I mean, it's Mikael. Obviously, he'd find out immediately. And I told him about our plan. You know him, he got so excited and wanted to see if others would get fooled. Promised to get involved," Even explains, his voice quiet and composed.

Something about him is off but Isak can’t pinpoint what.

“I see,” Isak says and narrows his eyes.

It’s apparent then, that Even won’t say anything about what happened. That he’s just going to brush it off like their other kiss. And Isak isn’t stupid enough to bring it up himself.

That’s fine. Whatever. It was just a drunken kiss. The fact that Even returned it doesn’t make it any special. He probably did it instinctively.

Or for the act.

***

His relationship with Even is more or less the same, despite some awkward moments that weren’t there before and Isak glancing at Even with a lovesick expression way too often.

Mikael also starts acting a little bit oddly around him. Like, throwing his way meaningful looks. But they don’t spend enough time together for Isak to figure out what it means.

He doesn't think too much about the feelings or tries not to. Chooses to focus on his university for once. Keep his mind busy and stop thinking about how he possibly screwed up by kissing Even.

If he ignores the problem hard enough, it’ll disappear. And it’s not like Even doesn’t pay him attention or is colder towards him.

There’s just something… weird. Like if someone moved all of your furniture a few centimeters to the right over the night.

In the end, it wouldn’t be Isak’s life if things didn’t get even messier.

To be honest, he should have known that if Eskild finds out about major changes in Isak’s life, it’ll reach his mom sooner or later.

They literally have coffee dates. They initially started out as a way for Isak’s mom to get updated on Isak’s well-being before he started informing her himself. But it ended up with Eskild and Marianne hitting it off and becoming some sort of friends. Isak being one of their topics, sure, just not the main point.

Sweet.

No wonder that Eskild eventually tells her about Isak having a boyfriend. At this point, Isak shouldn't ask why but wonder why it happened so late.

All in all, one day Marianne calls him and talks his ear off for half an hour. She’s worked up over the fact he hasn’t told her about his relationship in all three months of being in one as if she wasn’t his mother.

Considering Isak's past fear of his mom not accepting him for being gay, because of her religious beliefs, how she's dealing with this situation should be relieving. She's yelling at him for keeping it a secret rather than cursing him out for dating a boy.

And yet, Isak wishes with his whole being that his mother never found out about this whole mess. It’s another person he has to lie to.

Instead of telling her it's fake, he panics and agrees when she invites both him and Even for dinner.

Like an absolute moron he is.

She’s excited about meeting Even because Eskild told her everything. Isak fears what this everything must have been.

Anyways, it’s been around five minutes since his mom hung up on him with the last ’see you on Friday at seven’. Five minutes in which he considered canceling like thrice, telling her the truth over the text once and blocking her number altogether.

He does none, just keeps staring at his opened chat with Even, trying to casually invite Even over for dinner to meet his mom.

Because that's what apparently is happening. Isak is nervous about texting Even. Let me tell you, he hasn't felt that nervousness for a long time.

Okay, he can do it. After all, it’s only Even. A boy he’s possibly in love with.

(Yeah, sure, he’s had this whole revelation thing and accepted his feelings but the L word in its full form still scares him.)

so

eskild told my mom ive had a bf for almost 3 months

and like she wants to meet u

invited us for dinner on friday at 7pm

its ok if u dont wanna come ill just tell her u r busy

or smth

At least he looks like he’s got his shit together over the texts. In real life, though, his heart is beating way too fast and it only gets worse when he notices that Even’s seen it and doesn’t respond right away.

God, around two minutes pass before the dots indicating Even’s started typing appear and it takes forever for a reply to come. It seems like he rewrites the message a couple of times. It’s unnerving and Isak’s too fragile for that.

He’s a bundle of nerves by the time Even replies.

no don’t cancel its cool I’ll come

oh okay

u dont mind lying to a parent about it?

do you?
it’s your mom
sucks you didn’t tell her earlier I told my parents at the beginning
so they wouldn’t be confused when let’s say Sonja calls them and mentions that
which she did btw

i havent really thought about it tbh

also can u believe itll be our

three month anniversary in like a week and a half?

thats like my longest relationship and its fake

yikes

I feel honored to be your first serious relationship

will prepare me for the real thing lmao

loooool yeah

***

In all three days leading up to the dinner, Isak sees Even once – when he visits him at work. He's made a habit out of coming there to study at least once a week and so far Even's managed to sneak out and chat Isak up every time.

This time, however, aside from Even nodding at Isak once, he doesn’t approach him. Not even during his break. Which is fine, he must have had something other to do. Isak doesn’t dwell too much on it.

Especially that Even made a smiley face with milk in Isak’s coffee. So it’s not like he hates Isak.

Isak doesn’t need to stress over it. And he really isn’t thinking about it for the remaining time up until Friday. Not at all.

The day eventually comes.

They agreed beforehand to meet outside the dormitory and take a tram to Marianne’s flat.

Even's already waiting for Isak on the steps, leaning back against the railing. They are supposed to dress casually, but Isak's heart still stops for a second at the sight of Even wearing a pastel pink button-down and black pants. His hair is styled into his usual quiff, but there's something distinctly elegant about it. Isak feels underdressed in his simple grey sweater and jeans.

He stops a few meters away just to have a moment to admire Even before Even turns his head towards him. As if he’s sensed Isak’s arrival.

“Hi,” Isak breathes and for some reason feels his skin heating up.

Even nods at him. “Hello,” he replies, smiling softly. He straightens up and shrugs. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” Isak says, stepping closer to Even. “You look good,” he adds once they start walking and Even responds with a chuckle. Isak ducks his head. “I mean, you didn’t have to dress up like that. It’s just my mom.”

"Can't have her thinking I'm a slob. First impressions are the most important, Isak," Even explains, glancing at Isak.

Isak snorts. “Most of the time people don’t remember their first impression of someone. I mean, do you remember yours of me?”

“I do,” Even says.

“Really? What was it?” Isak asks, his mind filled with all the possibilities.

“Grumpy.”

“Oh,” Isak lets out and hopes his face didn’t fall or something.

He used to be better at masking his emotions. It's kind of hard to do though, when a person you are in love with tells you about their first impression of you and it turns out to be so underwhelming. Like yeah, Isak knows he's nothing more to Even than a friend and was nothing more than a random stranger when they met. So Even's answer makes sense.

But all logic gets lost in a mind of a boy in love and there’s this surreal pang of disappointment, anyway.

Also, he lied a little. The thing he said earlier, that people don’t remember their first impressions of others. He perfectly remembers meeting Even for the first time and thinking holy shit this is the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen followed by fuck he's got a girlfriend and she's pretty, too. I need to stay away from him.

Although, it’s not like he’ll tell that Even.

He can feel Even’s eyes burning a hole in the side of his face and realizes he should say something.

Isak clears his throat. “I don’t remember my impression of you, but it was probably something along the lines of ‘he’s so tall and can’t shut up’,” he lies, keeping his eyes straight ahead.

Even huffs. “Excuse me, I can shut up,” he says.

“Nope, you can’t. Also, damn, do you remember how at the beginning you’d bring Sonja to our pre-games and shit? I was so sick of you two, I swear.” He wrinkles his nose with distaste at the memory of Sonja and Even being wrapped around each other.

Even barks out laugh. “That’s why you stayed away from us. It explains a lot,” Even says, nodding as if he’s just discovered something groundbreaking.

“Yeah, that’s why. Didn’t want your saliva anywhere near me,” he jokes and realizes how stupid it sounds when he thinks of all the times he daydreamed about kissing Even.

“You were just a bitter single,” Even says.

“Fuck off. I was surrounded by couples, especially that Jonas and Mahdi had girlfriends at the time. And then two more couples were around me. You’d have had enough, too.”

Maybe he was jealous, too, but not in the sense Even thinks. More in the I was gay for you and didn’t like seeing you kiss your girlfriend.

Thinking back to the kiss at that party and Sonja witnessing it, oh irony, how the tables turned.

Isak may be almost twenty and past his teenage angst but that doesn’t change the fact he tends to be petty.

"Well, the joke's on you because now you are the one making other people feel sad about themselves."

Isak frowns and looks at Even, confused.

“I mean, that kiss at Eskild’s?” He’s sporting a shit-eating grin when he says that. “I mean, God, I felt dizzy,” Even adds, theatrically fanning himself with his hand.

Isak nearly trips over his own feet.

Excuse him, he was sure Even would never mention it. Let alone in a joking way.

Well.

“I needed Eskild to stop talking and public displays of affection make people uncomfortable,” he explains himself, and like eighty percent of this is true. The remaining twenty was just him wanting to kiss Even.

“Oh, about that, what was he going to say?”

Isak groans. He hoped that Even would have forgotten about it by now. “It’s just… I had a crush on Jonas when I was like, sixteen. When he was dating Eva. And I was sad, angry and hated myself. So I kind of ruined their relationship for good,” he mumbles, hoping that he won’t have to dwell on it any further.

But it’s Even, so obviously he starts prodding. And Isak is like, super fucking weak for Even so he eventually gives in and he spends explaining the whole drama in great detail. Tells him all about his Very Clever Plan he made and followed out of jealousy. It lasts the whole tram drive and then most of the walk towards his mom’s.

Even listens to him in stunned silence and Isak tries not to look at his face, still scared of people judging him for his past mistakes. Like, he's grown out of it and both Eva and Jonas have forgiven him years ago. But it doesn't change the fact that having a boy he cares about finding out about all of that and then wait for him to react, is nerve-wracking.

When it comes to it, though, all Even lets out is, “Wow,” when Isak is tugging nervously at his own fingers.

“What kind of ‘wow’?” he asks in a small voice.

“Just ‘wow’. Not gonna lie, I didn’t expect something like that coming from you,” he says, but it’s almost playful.

“I’m not like that anymore,” he says, his tone defensive.

“I know. But like, imagine all the things you could do if you used your powers in good faith.”

Isak snorts. “You make it sound like I’m some kind of a villain who could become a superhero.”

“I said what I said,” Even declares solemnly and Isak laughs. It’s like all the tension that was there the last few days completely dissipated.

***

Marianne is delighted at the sight of Even.

She ushers them in, saying the dinner is ready, a huge grin stretching her lips and Isak feels much more nervous than he did before. He already wants to leave.

He manages to do the introductions before they sit down, his voice weak and squeaky but neither Even nor his mom comment. He’s grateful for that.

Even and Isak are sat next to each other, while Marianne is across from them. Isak figures it’s for the better, Even’s presence being a comforting thing.

“Isak hasn’t told me a thing about you, can you believe it?” Marianne says once they’ve started eating.

“Well, that’s just mean. You know I can’t shut up about you when I talk to my parents.”

Even nudges him in the side and Isak’s mom coos.

“That’s because you can’t shut up in general,” Isak retorts, sneering at Even. Then he turns his head towards his mom. “I was going to tell you. I just wanted to give it some time. I still think three months is too soon,” he explains, digging his fork into the meat on his plate.

That much is true. Even when he imagined ever bringing his partner to meet his mom, he thought it’d be after maybe six months, if not more. So it’d be a sure thing, more or less.

“So old-fashioned,” his mom teases, reaching one her hands out to squeeze his forearm. Then, she turns her attention back to Even. “Tell me a little bit about yourself. Besides knowing your name and that you are irrevocably in love with my son, I don’t know anything,” she says, tilting her head to the side.

Even smiles sweetly at her.

It should be an awkward part, talking about yourself like on some sort of job interview, but Even makes it the easiest thing in the world. He manages to mention his passions, friends and doesn’t bat an eyelash when he brings up his bipolar disorder. He does it in a subtle way, in passing, as a side point to what he’s currently talking about but from the way Isak’s mom is listening to Even, she must have caught it.

There’s a gentle smile playing on Marianne’s lips and she keeps nodding at Even digging deeper and deeper into the topic of misogyny in the film industry. Isak’s listened to it many times before, but he can’t bring himself to tune it out.

Even has a way with words that even if he talked about the most boring thing, you’d find yourself pulled in. There’s something entrancing in how passionately he speaks with his hands.

Isak loves watching Even get into something to the point he forgets about the whole world.

He can feel himself grinning and no matter how much he tries to keep a neutral expression, he fails. He's long forgotten about his half-finished food and just put his chin in his palm, a dreamy gaze glued to the side of Even's face. Watching him like that, in his element, is the best because you are met with a completely authentic version of Even. He gets so lost in his words, ideas and beliefs it makes him unapologetically himself.

He waves his hands around wildly to prove his point, trips over his words but there’s a charm to it and there’s just something inexplicable about him that Isak can’t help but be drawn to.

God, he’s so in love with this beautiful boy.

***

After eventually finishing dinner – thankfully it tasted good even when it got cold – Marianne and Even keep talking. Isak opts on silently watching them since he's always been more of a listener.

His mom is still asking about Even and Isak should have put a stop to it a long time ago. He really would have done that, but he's never brought a boy home. Has never had his mom take so much interest in someone he liked. Has only ever seen parents acting like that in the movies. And even if this whole relationship isn't real, it just feels nice. In some twisted way.

“What do you do?” Marianne asks and Isak can’t believe it’s taken her so long to ask such a mundane question.

“I’m majoring in media studies. And I work part-time at a café,” Even says, his fingers playing with the hem of his shirt.

"Oh, that's nice. You must be very busy," she says, frowning and Even huffs out a laugh.

"I manage. It's been hectic at the beginning when I started working, but now I'm used to it," he explains, straightening his back.

“What are your plans for the future? I know everyone hates this question. Whenever I ask Isak, he’s close to killing me.” She rolls her eyes and Isak opens his mouth, ready to defend himself when Even speaks.

“Isak just loves threatening people. But anyway, my perfect future plan is being a movie director. It’s been my dream job since I was around ten,” he says and lets out a long-suffering sigh. “I’m trying to follow my dream but will I get there? Who knows. All I’m sure about is that I’ll make movies. Doesn’t matter if all they get will be two views on some platform.” He shrugs.

Isak has actually seen some of Even's short films. Not as much from Even himself but more during the time he stalked Even's social media after they had met each other for the first time. His movies tend to be a little eccentric, but there's also something special about them that makes you want to watch more. Especially the newest ones.

“At least you aren’t pretentious,” Marianne says, her face looking amused. Isak can’t help but snort. Loudly.

If only she knew.

“He is pretentious, he just isn’t that much of an asshole,” Isak says, his smile sweet when he looks at Even.

“For the umpteenth time, having a good taste doesn’t mean I’m pretentious,” Even replies, crossing his arms over his chest.

"The only movies he likes are niche or indie. Or tragedies. And you can't just watch a movie with him. It's an experience. There's always a talk about depth and lighting, frames and dialogue," Isak tells his mom, who keeps glancing at Even with a gleam in her eyes.

Even waves a dismissive hand. “The movies I watch have unique traits that blockbusters just lack. I’m sorry, Isak, but no Marvel movie will make me feel things like My Own Private Idaho does or a ten-minute long short film about a one man's struggle."

“That’s because you haven’t seen The Winter Soldier,” Isak says back and Even groans. “Told you, pretentious.” Marianne shakes her head, a trace of fondness in her smile.

“Well, I might be a pretentious film nerd but you are the one dating me,” Even retorts.

Technically, it’s a lie. Sure, Isak would date Even in a heartbeat but that’s not the point.

“I have no idea why I’m still dating you, to be honest. I mean, I’ve told you I hate you more times than I can count.”

“That’s a lie and you know it. You love me,” Even replies, his voice petulant and Isak knows it’s playful but it hits way too close to home.

“Maybe,” he simply mumbles and realizes that he kind of does.

He doesn’t have time to freak out or see Even’ reaction because his mom chimes in with, “I’ll bring some cake.”

***

They spend around one more hour there before they call it a night.

Isak can sense his mother getting tired so he doesn’t want her to put up a happy face for much longer if she needs some rest. She’s really outdone herself today and engaged with Even in countless discussions. Isak will gladly let her charge her batteries.

Both Isak and Even offer to help her clean up but she waves them off, saying that they are her guests.

They part with hugs and if Isak’s eyes aren’t playing tricks on him, Even and Marianne exchange numbers for some reason.

All in all, he's happy with how well the dinner went. And with the fact that he didn't have to pretend that much. It all felt so natural, sometimes he even forgot they were supposed to play some roles. It seemed like they were just Even and Isak. His mom was genuinely curious about who Even is as a person, instead of prodding about their relationship. Even was telling true things about himself and they didn't have to make up a whole story of how they fell in love.

Maybe if they had done this, it would have reminded Isak’s heart not to get too comfortable, though.

They talk a little bit on their way home, but it’s mostly small talk. Isak’s still trying to deal with the fact he’s admitted to loving Even out loud, in front of him and his mom so his responses are mostly single-worded and noncommittal.

Even doesn't let on that it bothers him, but he must sense something is up, or he's just tired because he doesn't invite Isak over once they get to their building like he usually would. Their goodbyes lack the affection they normally have for each other and Isak's too focused on not letting the panic overtake, that he doesn't think about it too much.

Neither does he think about how Even doesn’t reach out to him for the rest of the night.

***

The university may be a pain in the ass, dealing with complicated feelings, too, but Isak will always find time for his friends when they are in need.

It’s not to say that Jonas asks him to meet up only when he’s in need, though. But Isak hasn’t been Jonas’ best friend since they were little for nothing. He can sense when there’s an issue.

Also, the fact Jonas invited Isak to buy them kebabs from a place they’ve stopped eating at like a year ago(food still good, it’s just too far away from Jonas’ flat) seems just a little bit suspicious. Not that Isak voices it out. It’s free food.

Jonas is oddly quiet when they are walking with their kebabs and Isak keeps throwing his way worried glances. There’s a stupid thought that crosses his mind – that Jonas figured him and Even out and wants to approach the topic. But he quickly brushes it off. Not everything is about him. Just because he can’t stop thinking about Even, doesn’t mean others are in the same situation. His experiences aren’t universal.

The big mystery gets somewhat solved when they arrive at a familiar bench and something clicks in Isak’s mind. He doesn’t say anything, yet. Just sits down, following Jonas.

He’ll give him all the time he needs.

Neither of them interrupts the silence and they get through half of their meals before Jonas clears his throat, looking straight ahead. He looks determined.

“Do you remember when you came out to me?” Jonas asks, his fingers fumbling with the fork he’s holding.

God, how could Isak ever forget. It feels like once he came out to Jonas, in their second year in high school, he finally started breathing. Haunted by fears, insecurities and loneliness, he could rest for the first time in years.

He nods. He doesn’t stop eating, fully remembering how Jonas’ casually munching on his kebab helped him relax.

“You are the first person I feel comfortable enough to tell about this. Fuck, I’m still scared to say these out loud, though,” Jonas says, a nervous smile tugging at his lips. Only then does Isak notice how Jonas’ hands are shaking.

He doesn't think too much about it when he reaches one of his arms out and presses his palm to Jonas' shoulder, hoping it's comforting. Noticing the way in which Jonas exhales, Isak thinks that it must be helpful.

“Maybe it’d be easier with only one thing, but there are two. Jesus, I shouldn’t feel like that when I’m surrounded by LGBT people.”

“It’s one thing to know people like that and it’s another to realize things about yourself,” Isak says, his voice calm. “It’s terrifying when it’s about you. And when it’s life-changing.”

Jonas nods and closes his eyes.

“I’m pretty sure… no, I know I am non-binary. Like, there’s always been something off and once I’ve learned about this existing, listened to other non-binary people, found out there are many ways to feel and express your gender, I just knew it was me. I don’t feel like a girl, though, but more genderless? There’s still something linking me to the guy-Jonas, but like most of it is what society made me into. But um… I just kind of am,” Jonas says and shrugs, the movement supposed to be nonchalant, but coming off as shaky.

“Okay,” Isak replies, squeezing Jonas’ shoulder. “Are you going to use other pronouns now? Or like–“

"No, I'll stay with these. It's just made up words, anyway. Maybe I'll change my mind once I feel more comfortable, but baby steps, you know?" Jonas interrupts him, his gaze gentle and Isak hums in acknowledgment. "Also. I'm pansexual," he breathes out and finally looks at Isak.

“That’s neat,” Isak admits, grinning at Jonas excitedly and Jonas sends him the smallest of smiles.

He looks relieved. Like some weight has been lifted off his shoulders.

“I think I’ll start coming out to others soon, but I still need some time. I mean, it was hard with you, and it’s you, so,” Jonas says, getting back to his kebab.

“No, I get that. Take all the time you need. I’m so proud of you. And I’m so happy to be the person you trusted with this,” Isak replies, his tone genuine. It’s a big moment for Jonas and even if some words Isak speaks may sound like a cliché, he thinks that everyone who comes out needs to hear them at one point or another.

They can really mean the world to someone.

***

Even’s avoiding him, that much is obvious.

At first, Isak wasn’t sure about it, kept telling himself that Even was busy, especially that it’s almost June and finals are just around the corner.

But Isak isn’t stupid enough to stay oblivious to the fact someone just simply doesn’t want to spend time with him.

They’ve gone from texting nonstop to exchanging a couple of messages in a span of a week. And they all feel anticlimactic.

At some point Isak thinks that Even is feeling low, like the last time they had a few days of silence. He has eyes, though, and social media. He can see Even making plans with people, being just as active in their group chats as he always is. There are Snapchat stories and Instagram posts proving that Even is doing amazingly well and is out with his friends constantly.

It becomes clear as a day that it’s Isak who is the problem here.

Even must have gotten bored of him, but he’s too nice to straight-up tell him. He’s turning him down gently. And sure it hurts but Isak knows when to step back and not force himself on other people.

He concludes it may be awkward at their get-togethers, especially that others think they are a couple. That's why Isak just stops coming to them. He's refrained from participating in the group chat, being back to his past lurking self. Isak also cuts visiting Even at work out of his routine. As not to bother him.

He’s kind of thankful for the upcoming finals. He’s got plenty of time to focus on studying, what with Even out of his life, and it’s a great excuse not to go out. It’s not to say he doesn’t meet up with anyone. There are days when he’s chilling out with Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus, and there are study sessions with Sana. But that would be it.

He doesn’t let himself be upset by the current situation. At least now he can hole himself up in the library, turn his phone off and study without worrying that someone will come to check up on him.

Isak can disappear for days and no one will question it.

(It shouldn’t make him feel as hollow as it does.)

If someone notices that something is wrong, they don’t comment on it.

Or like, it happens one time.

It's his usual study time with Sana and he's so focused on his exercise that at first, he misses Sana talking to him. Only once she halfheartedly smacks him on the back of his head, does he look up.

“What?”

“I was telling you about Noora’s plan,” she replies, her voice laced with irritation and Isak wonders how long he’s tuned her out for.

“What about it?” he asks, scratching the side of his neck with a pencil.

"She thought we could all go on a date to a theme park, on the weekend. I think it's a good plan and I was asking for your opinion."

It takes a moment for Isak to understand why on earth would Sana ask about his opinion on this matter, but then he remembers. He’s a part of their dating clique.

He clears his throat, looking to the side. “Sounds like fun.”

“So you and Even will come?” she asks, already scrolling through her phone and Isak panics.

He could say yes and then send a simple text to Even, about how Sana made him agree. Or better. He could just wait for the girls to announce the date happening. He wouldn't have to contact Even at all. If anything, maybe Even would reach out to him.

Although, he realizes, he doesn't want to meet Even in such a setting. After weeks of barely any interactions. He doesn't want to pretend they are the happiest couple on earth when Even can't even stand him as a friend. It'd just break Isak's heart further. The last thing he needs right now is the knowledge of being a burden to Even.

That’s why he says, “It sounds like fun, yeah, but you can count us out. I mean, me for sure. Maybe Even would still join you, I don’t know,” and he hopes he sounds indifferent.

He isn’t looking at Sana, though he knows she’s put her phone down and is watching him.

“Are you… um… are you two fighting?” she asks, her tone wary. Like Isak is some sort of a spooked animal.

“No, why would you say that?” Because Sana doesn’t have eyes and can’t see there’s something wrong going on with the both of them. Really, Isak.

It’s easier to pretend he’s dumb instead of facing the truth, though.

"I mean, it doesn't take a genius to see you aren't exactly how you used to be. Or more, you two act almost the same way as you were before everything," she explains, her fingers playing with the hem of her sleeve.

And he could tell her everything now. It’s a great opportunity and he knows he’d have all of her support. Unfortunately, the words get stuck in his throat.

It was supposed to be a joke. Something that would last a week before their friends figured it out. But it’s been going for months now and Isak isn’t sure what to do. How to approach this topic with Even. They’ve never talked about coming clean when they were on good terms, let alone now.

One thing Isak knows for sure is that Even shouldn't let it go on forever. Especially if he's stopped liking Isak as a friend. Pretending to be in love may get harder in such a circumstance.

Moreover, Isak can’t always decline going out with the whole group. The summer vacation is getting closer and he won’t be able to excuse himself with studying then.

Isak thinks, the worst thing about all of that is that their friends haven’t questioned them getting together, just accepted it as it is. Currently, they have no idea Even decided to cut Isak off without also making it clear to everyone else. In this situation, they still think they are a couple. Some of them, like Sana, may suspect they are fighting, but not that they are back to being acquaintances.

None of them knows that they haven't been nothing more than friends to begin with.

Isak wishes he didn’t have to deal with people asking him about the well-being of his nonexistent relationship. It’s beyond his abilities.

“We are fine. I’m just busy,” he eventually says, but can’t convince himself. No wonder Sana snorts.

“Really? Isak,” she pleads and he meets her eyes. She’s looking at him with sympathy, a wrinkle of worry between her eyebrows.

Perhaps that makes Isak say his next words.

"We may break up, I don't know," he mutters and it's the closest to the truth he can get. At least it'll explain how they've been acting recently. Besides, without having discussed the thing with Even, he knows they'll have to finish it sooner or later. Isak mentioning they could split up will be a great ground for their inevitable parting.

Isak notices that Sana’s face fell. She looks genuinely upset over this. Isak can relate.

She’s opening her lips to say something, but Isak beats her to it.

“Can we go back to biology? Don’t really want to talk about this,” he says with a sad smile and Sana nods.

He gets a text from Noora the same day, in the evening. He should have known that Sana would mention something to her. After all, she had to explain Isak saying no to their plans.

Sana told me about you and Even. She didn’t want to but I sort of pushed her. I’m really sorry to hear that. I hope it’s not too late to fix it

yeah me too

thanks for your concern tho

That’s what friends are for, if you ever need anything I’m here

thank you

For a moment Isak considers telling Even about it but decides against it. Maybe the word about them breaking up will spread soon enough that they won't even have to talk about it. Isak will just wait and see what happens.

***

What happens is a big fat nothing. Sure, there’s one day when he and Even text for a moment – it’s just Even telling him he’s watched The Winter Soldier and maybe he was wrong for judging it. Despite Isak expecting that perhaps they'll talk about it more, it ends around ten minutes after the first text.

Isak’s insides are screaming because he hasn’t realized earlier just how much he’s missed Even.

After that, they are back to the silence.

What’s even worse, he thought that since Noora knew about the breaking up news, Eva would, too. This way it’d reach others soon, but as far as he knows, Sana and Noora haven’t told anyone.

So like, he’s still in the same pathetic place he’s been in before. At the very least, he’s studied for his classes more in the past few weeks of Even moving on from him, than in the recent months.

Who would have thought his broken heart would be so helpful.

Isak's still miserable and the fact he can't confide in anyone, tell them the truth, is gnawing at him. His insomnia has come back in its full glory. He sleeps four hours on a good night and doesn't sleep at all on a bad one. That ends up with him having maybe twelve hours of sleep per week.

It’s a miracle he still manages to focus on his school.

His friends keep sending him worrying looks, They know something is up. Probably have figured it out it’s got something to do with Even. They don’t pry, though, but it’s like his second year at Nissen all over again.

On top of that, on a particularly bad day, the guys mention Isak in their main group chat.

Mutta
issy are u sure even is ur bf and not mikaels bc im sure ive seen them hanging out together more than i saw u two

Adam
I am sure I am Mikaels bf

Mutta
someones jealous
for real tho u wish u were us bc evens cooked dinner for us it was delicious

Elias
he probs cooks isak dinners every other day

Mutta
but are they as good as ours? i doubt it

Mahdi
considering yall throw all the shit that can be found in ur fridge
i’m sure it’s not that hard to top

Mutta
u weren’t complaining the last time u have eaten it

Magnus
that’s bc uni students won’t say no to homemade food
also it was good
but i agree isak probably eats like a prince

Jonas
I’m not sure princes eat a sandwich and a bowl of cereal per day

Mutta
a tru best friend exposes his best friend

Maybe it's irritation or the fact that they all still fucking think he and Even are perfectly fine that makes Isak type out what he types out.

dont ask me ask even if im still his boyfriend 

and i can feed myself just fine but thanks for your concern xx

Elias
mayhaps he snapped

Eva
 and xx I LIVE for this passive-aggressiveness

Mahdi
he fucking killed u dudes

Mutta
D:

Isak groans loudly, thankful for Julian being out of the room at the moment.

His phone buzzes, an indication it's a direct message since he's muted the group chats. For a split second, he hopes maybe it's Even, but his hope gets crushed when he sees it's only Jonas asking him if he's okay.

He simply replies with i’m fine even if it's the farthest thing from the truth.

In the end Even doesn’t address the thing at all, despite having seen that(yes, Isak checked). He probably brushed the whole thing off as Isak still playing his boyfriend.

This thought makes Isak feel even worse and he decides he can't live like that. He needs to talk to someone as soon as possible.

Perhaps that's why his sleep-deprived mind makes him shoot a quick text to Eskild at 1:00AM, asking whether they could meet.

Considering the time, Isak expects to get a reply in the morning, but Eskild surprises him.

of course! I haven’t seen you in ages
when?

asap its kind of an emergency

oh my go d what happened? do u need me to pick you up?

its not that much of an emergency

i cant sleep and im sad

its abt even

oh
Is it a one night thing?

more like one month almost

shit
you can come over tomorrow after your classes I’ll be home

okay

***

The next day, Isak is walking up the stairs to the kollektivet. If he wasn't so damn tired, he would be nervous about the confrontation.

Sure, he’s dreading it a little bit. He despises talking about his feelings, but he knows it’s something he desperately needs to find some peace. Isak is aware that it won’t solve all of his problems. He’d have to be an idiot to think that. However, bottling things up will drive him mad sooner or later.

He knocks tentatively and hopes it’ll be Eskild that opens. Noora isn’t there. She’s talked about meeting up with the girls today, but as far as Isak knows, Linn could be inside.

Thankfully, he’s faced with Eskild, who invites him in, worry painted all over his face.

“Do you want something to drink?” Eskild offers, but Isak only shakes his head. “Okay, let’s sit on the couch then. Or maybe you’d rather go to my room?”

And it’s sweet, how Eskild wants to make sure Isak is comfortable despite not knowing what Isak wants to talk about. Still, all that concern makes Isak feel like it’s a much bigger deal than it probably is in reality.

“The couch is okay,” he says, toeing off his shoes.

He pads to the living room, Eskild following a few steps behind.

They sit down and Isak clasps his palms, his breath coming out shaky.

“I’m in love with Even,” he admits, his voice barely above the whisper. Honestly, it wasn’t the thing he planned to say first, but it’s a start.

“That’s bad?” Eskild asks, his tone laced with confusion. When Isak looks at him, he’s frowning.

“Yeah,” Isak breathes out and clears his throat. He averts his gaze and swallows the lump in his throat.

He looks over the living room, finding out they've changed some things ever since he's moved out. It's not much. Some furniture no longer here, a couple of new photographs pinned to the wall, fresher looking blanket thrown over the armchair. And for the first time in months, he misses living in this flat.

Maybe he wouldn’t be in so much shit right now if he had just stayed.

“Isak?” Eskild has put his palm over Isak’s hands. Oh, right, he had things to say.

“It’s bad because we aren’t dating.” Isak feels so small saying these words out loud. They are so final. He looks down.

“What? You broke up?” There’s incredulousness in Eskild’s voice and okay, Isak gets where he’s coming from.

He stills and lets out a bitter laugh. “We’ve never dated. We pretended to be together because, shit… because something happened and then our friends got news about us dating. Even was like, let’s play with them and see who realizes first that we aren’t together. But no one questioned it, not even for a second. And instead of just telling people it was supposed to be a joke, we kept going. I had like, a tiny crush on Even before. That’s why I never got too close to him, but we started hanging out and God, Eskild,” he pauses, looking over to his friend, “he made it so easy to fall in love with him. There wasn’t a minute when we weren’t talking and because people thought we were together, we could hang out as much as we wanted to.”

He takes a deep breath before he decides to continue.

“I knew he didn’t have feelings for me, obviously, but at least we were friends, you know? But the past few weeks, he completely cut me off and I get it. I mean it’s me. Our friends still think we are together. It fucks with me so much. I could handle a normal heartbreak. This is horrible.” He fucking sniffs by the end of this and he hates himself for getting so emotional over a boy.

There are a few beats of silence and Isak finds himself trembling.

“Oh, baby Jesus,” Eskild finally whispers and reaches his hand out to wipe some stray tears from Isak’s cheeks. This is so embarrassing, he didn’t even know he started crying. “This is one messed up situation you got yourself into.”

Isak laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “It’s funny because I liked being viewed as Even’s boyfriend. Now I hate it.”

“Yeah, I mean, you had feelings for him and then you landed in a situation straight out of fantasy, I don’t blame you,” Eskild says, threading his fingers through Isak’s curls. “He didn’t say a word?”

“About this? Fuck no. Last time I properly saw him was on the day we had dinner at mom’s.”

Technically, there was one time they were in the same flat, like over a week ago. Isak didn’t leave Jonas’ bedroom even for a second up until he knew Even was out. Which was almost midnight and Isak was supposed to be there for an hour at most.

But we are not talking about it.

(He excused his weird behavior to Jonas by simply telling him that Even and he were fighting. Jonas, bless his soul, has never been prone to prodding so he let it go.)

"We texted a little over the past few weeks. Although, it's like I'll send a meme and he will be like ‘lol' and that's it. Or he will throw out a random fact and we will have like a ten-minute long conversation. It'll happen once in a couple of days. And we haven't talked at all in over a week now, anyway."

Yeah, Even used to be on top of Isak's contact list and currently, he's so far low that Isak needs to scroll down to reach his name.

Like, even Chris is higher and Isak literally never talks with her aside from quick greetings at the get-togethers.

(And she's only on his list because she accidentally texted him instead of her friend Ines. Turns out their names are next to each other on her phone and her finger slipped.)

“You should talk to him, Isak. It’ll be good for you to just have a closure. And you have to stop lying to everyone. Whether you decide to tell the truth or just fake breaking up, it’s up to you, but you can’t keep on going with it,” Eskild says gently and pulls Isak into a hug. His embrace is tight and normally Isak would shake him off, but this time he cuddles up closer and wraps his own arms around Eskild’s middle.

He hadn't realized how badly he needed a hug up until now.

“I’m scared,” he mumbles into the material of Eskild’s shirt and Eskild rubs a hand over Isak’s back.

“I know. Sometimes we have to face our fears,” Eskild murmurs.

***

It still takes a couple more days, a six-pack of beer and some wine for Isak to work up courage and actually contact Even.

Isak’s piss drunk and his fingers are clumsy. He’s squinting at the screen, halfway through typing out a meaningful message to Even before he gives up, too tired of trying not to make typos and sound at least remotely coherent.

He does a thing he’d never do sober. He calls Even.

What kind of gay person with anxiety even calls people on this day and age.

He doesn’t actually expect Even to pick up. That’s why he yelps in surprise when he hears a soft, “Hello?”

Fuck, Even sounds sleepy and right, it’s the middle of the night he must have been sleeping. Fuck.

Isak wants to apologize and hang up.

“Are we going to fake break up now?” he asks instead and is amazed by how intelligible he sounds.

“What?” Even replies and he sounds much more awake now.

“I’ve– I’ve already told Sana that we may break up. Noora knows, too. So. It won’t be a surprise. ‘specially with how you hate me,” he mumbles and moves a hand over his face.

“Isak, are you drunk?” For some reason Even sounds worried. As if he couldn’t just answer Isak’s question.

“I’ve had a few,” Isak says.

“You been drinking alone?”

Isak barks out an ugly laugh. "What the fuck, I'm not that pathetic. I still have friends. They've just left for a party."

There’s some rustling on the other side. “Where are you now?”

“At my mom’s,” Isak replies and hears Even let out a sigh. The rustling stops altogether.

She offered her flat for Isak for the weekend. Apparently, Isak isn’t the only one having secrets and there’s a certain someone that had invited his mom to a cabin for this weekend.

Not that Isak minds, everything that makes her happy. Also, he’s got a whole flat to himself. It’s a win-win.

He’s currently lying in the bathtub, though, and he doesn’t feel like leaving it anytime soon. It’s okay. There’s no water and he’s still wearing his clothes.

“I organized a pre-party because I was sad and wanted to drink, but I didn’t feel like partying so I just stayed,” he explains further.

“You know alcohol shouldn’t be a cure for your sadness,” Even jokes. It’s devoid of any playfulness, though and Isak scowls. “Why were you sad?”

“Still am,” Isak corrects him and grunts. “I miss you,” he admits.

Even doesn't say anything for a long moment and Isak presses the phone to his ear closer, as not to miss anything.

“I miss you, too,” Even utters eventually.

“Then why did you throw me away?” Isak asks, his tone accusatory and he feels himself getting angry.

If they both miss each other, what’s the deal?

“What– Isak I didn’t throw you away. I’m… can we talk about this when you are sober? Please,” Even pleads. “You should go to sleep.”

"Can't sleep. Sadness has been keeping me up at night," he slurs. Contrary to what he's just said, his eyelids start getting heavy and he lets out a yawn.

Just a simple conversation with Even is already working miracles. What is he, a God?

“Just… just try, okay? And then we will talk,” he promises.

“’kay,” Isak replies and before he knows it, he’s fallen asleep.

They don’t talk, though. Not in the morning and not in the next few days. And maybe if Isak forgot things when drunk, it’d be fine. But he always remembers every detail.

That’s why he can recall this whole conversation. Replay in his head how vulnerable he let himself be. Despite that, Even still hasn’t done anything.

And oh, boy, does it hurt.

***

It’s funny how eventually all it takes for Isak to come to Even is Julian begging him to let him have the room for the night.

The fate will always find a way, huh?

Of course, Isak could go to Jonas or Eskild. Even his mom.

Why would he cross half of the city, though, if his friend lives a floor above him and has a whole room to himself? Obviously, whether Even lets him stay the night is another thing. Isak supposes asking won't kill him.

(Even if he couldn’t bring himself to fucking text Even for the past few days. )

Besides, he’s already slept at Even’s. In his bed, on top of that. It all makes total sense.

This time he’s coming prepared, with his pillow and a blanket. There’s no doubt that, supposing Even lets him in, Isak will get a spare space on the floor. Like, imagine if they slept in the same bed in their current situation.

Yeah, awful idea.

Still, Isak is a nervous wreck when he knocks on Even’s door. He’s holding onto his pillow for dear life, shifting his weight from one foot to another.

Maybe he isn’t inside. Isak can always go to the common room.

Then, the doorknob turns and soon enough, Even’s standing in front of him.

Isak’s heart nearly breaks all over again at the sight of Even. His hair is floppy and falling into his eyes. He’s wearing pajama pants that have dots all over them and he looks so fucking soft. Isak’s missed seeing him so much, blurry pictures and videos unable to capture all this beauty.

“Hi,” Isak exhales, feeling his skin warming up.

Even tilts his head to the side, his lips parted in confusion and he eyes the blanket and the pillow quizzically. “Um, hi? Is there a sleepover I wasn’t informed about?”

He doesn’t sound angry, but Isak can’t help feeling like he’s burdening Even with his sole presence and almost backs away.

"My roommate sexiled me and I don't really have anywhere to go. I thought that maybe I could crash on your floor?" he says, each word making him squirm with embarrassment. "It's totally okay if not, though," he adds quickly, averting his gaze. "I'll just go. I shouldn't have come in the first place. Forget it," he mumbles and starts stepping back, but a grip on his shoulder stops him.

“Isak. You can stay,” Even says simply and when Isak glances back at him, he nods for emphasis.

Isak licks his lips and says, “Okay.”

Once they’ve stepped in, Isak awkwardly stops in the middle of the room, asserting which place would be the best for him to crash at.

Even beats him to it by taking Isak’s pillow and blanket from his hands and placing them right next to his bed.

“Thanks,” Isak utters and clears his throat.

“No problem,” Even replies, getting under his covers. Isak does the same.

He’s glad it’s almost summer so the floor isn’t as cold. Still, Isak is kind of disappointed in how Even just accepted that and didn’t offer his bed. It only proves further how much distance there is between them.

Even turns the lamp off. The room is completely dark, the shutters at the window stopping the moonlight from coming. That’s a shame, Even would look so pretty in its glow.

Isak tries to fall asleep, he swears he does, but he can’t since there’s something gnawing at him. Maybe he really shouldn’t have come if all he’s going to do for the whole night is toss around.

Even stays awake as well and it’s unnerving. The fact that they both can’t fall asleep and they know it.

“Did I wake you up?” Isak asks eventually, his voice way too loud in the silence that’s engulfed them. He’s come to Even pretty late, it would be no wonder if Even had already dozed off.

“No, but I was getting ready for bed,” Even says, no trace of tiredness in his tone. “Still can’t sleep?”

He must be referring to their last conversation and Isak feels a pang of pain in his chest.

He only hums in response and hears Even inhale harshly.

They are quiet for a moment. Then:

“Isak?” Even asks and Isak instinctively turns his head in Even’s direction, despite the fact that Even can’t see him right now.

“Hm?”

“That time we were supposed to hang out, I asked Jonas not to come,” he confesses quietly. “And I lied about Mikael knowing,” he adds before Isak can express his confusion.

“Why?”

Even snorts. “Which one are you asking about?”

“Both,” Isak rasps out, clutching the blanket close to his chest.

“I wanted to spend time with you. Get to know you,” he explains simply. Then, his tone gets more nervous when he says, “About Mikael. How else would I explain to you him saying I broke up with Sonja because I had a crush on you? Besides you assumed that he’d known.” There’s a rustle following Even’s words and Isak guesses he shrugged.

Isak feels himself blushing over the first part of what Even said. All that effort Even put just to have them hang out that day. It's very telling that he had to go to such lengths considering they are in the same group of friends.

Says a lot about how approachable Isak is.

He chooses not to dwell on it and move on to the rest of Even’s words.

“Why would Mikael have said that, if he hadn’t been acting?” he prods, curious.

Even sighs loudly and if Isak didn’t know better, he’d think Even sounds annoyed for some reason.

"Because it's the truth," he ends up mumbling and Isak perks up at that.

What on earth.

“What?”

“Remember how I told you that one of the reasons I broke up with Sonja was because I started noticing other people and it wasn’t fair to her?” Even asks. Isak recalls it, though the memory is blurry since Even mentioned it pretty early on. Amongst many other things.

“Yeah.”

“Well, it wasn’t technically untrue. It’s more that I noticed one person. You,” Even says, his voice uncertain and by the last word, barely audible. “That’s why I wanted to get closer to you. But I thought you hated me, thus the whole thing with Jonas.”

Wait a minute.

Isak sits up abruptly to be on somewhat the same level as Even. He can’t have this conversation lying on the floor, can he.

He ignores his heart nearly bursting out of his chest and reaches out to turn the lamp on to get a look on Even’s face.

Even’s squinting at the light, his teeth biting on his bottom lip. From where Isak’s sitting, all he can see is Even’s profile and he’s close enough he notices Even’s cheeks are tinted pink.

He doesn’t look at Isak, though.

“You like me?” Isak asks, stunned.

“I’ve been kind of in love with you for the past few months, but thanks for noticing,” Even says weakly and closes his eyes. “I really thought my intentions were obvious. And you kissed me and I thought ‘yeah, he finally got it’, but then...”

Then Isak made it clear that it was only pretended for him. Even if it wasn’t.

“You could have just told me,” Isak mutters, tugging at his fingers.

Even peeks an eye open at him. “You kept sending me so many mixed signals. It felt so real at moments, just for you to assure me we were faking it every time I let myself believe it was getting somewhere. You can’t really blame me for not speaking up sooner. I didn’t want to lose you by admitting my feelings for you,” Even says, his both eyes open now, watching Isak intently.

Isak gulps and looks away.

“But you didn’t have to cut me off without a single word, you know,” he says, his voice loaded with hurt. Even must hear it because he raises one of his hands and caresses Isak’s cheek ever so gently.

"You have no idea how sorry I am, Isak. I haven't realized how much it was affecting you up until that phone call. I know I should've reached out to you after that but I just felt so ashamed for letting it go this far," Even admits, his fingers brushing Isak's skin. "It's not an excuse. Or, not a good one at least. I just… wanted this all to be real even before the dinner with your mom. That evening, though, made me realize just how badly. I just needed a breather. To sort things out so I could be the friend you needed." Even pulls his hand away and Isak misses his touch, the spot his palm was pressed to having already gone cold.

“Funny how we both wanted the same thing, but instead of having it, we just let all this shit happen,” Isak says bitterly and glances up at Even.

He’s already looking back.

“I’m kind of in love with you, too,” Isak whispers, the heat creeping up his neck.

The smile Even sends him is blinding.

After that, Isak eventually ends up next to Even on the bed, Even’s arms wrapped tightly around his waist. They talk and talk, and talk. Mostly recalling their past crushes on each other from before they began talking. Isak feels unbelievably buzzed with the knowledge Even was whipped for him from the very first second he had laid his eyes on him.

Then Even tells him about his past plan to court Isak and how well it was going before their fake relationship was brought to life. They go through all the events of said relationship, sharing their respective perspectives. It’s kind of funny to find out Isak wasn’t the only one miserably pining all the time, or freaking out over a single touch. Feels refreshing.

Even confesses that he’s actually explained the whole situation to Mikael after the second kiss. Mostly as to not have Mikael spreading Even’s secrets around, but also just to have some support in this mess.

That would explain all the weird looks Isak received from Mikael since then. From Mikael’s point of view, his best friend had his heart broken time and time again by this emotionally numb bastard. Eskild is probably thinking the same thing about Even right now.

They stay up well into the night, snuggled up under the covers. Exchanging stories and making up for all the lost time. They can’t get enough of each other. And it almost feels like the past few weeks haven’t happened at all.

In the end, they agree to take things slowly. Step by step.

Minute by minute.

It’s probably around three when their limbs get heavy and yawning doesn’t let them form articulate sentences anymore that they finally fall asleep. In each other’s arms.

Right where they are supposed to be.

***

This time when Isak wakes up in Even’s bed, he’s met with Even’s fond gaze.

Isak groans and rubs a hand over his face. He turns on his back and stares right at the ceiling.

“So we are that kind of couple? One watches the other while they’re asleep?” he mumbles and notices a movement from the corner of his eye.

Even cups one of Isak’s cheeks and turns his head towards him so they are back to facing each other.

“I can’t believe you are here,” Even whispers in wonder.

His fingers are tracing every centimeter of Isak’s face. His nose, lips, jaw and Isak melts into the subtle touches.

Isak wraps his fingers around Even’s wrist and nuzzles his palm. “I’m here,” he assures him.

He doesn’t lose his hold on Even’s hand when Even moves his arm then, to Isak’s middle and pulls him closer. “Do you have anywhere to be today?” he asks and kisses Isak’s forehead.

Isak entwines their fingers together and looks up at Even, beaming. “Not really.”

Even’s quiet for a few seconds too long, his eyes scanning Isak’s face. Looking at him like he’s something precious.

He bumps his nose against Isak’s. They both grin widely.

“Then stay,” Even breathes.

And Isak stays.