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i don't wanna let this go

Summary:

in the spring of his second year of high school, jihoon receives a strange letter from himself, ten years in the future

aug 7 2017. the boy that transfers into our class will sit next to you

 
my biggest regret is that he will no longer be with us in the future. seventeen year old park jihoon, please watch him closely

Notes:

inspired by the lovely manga slash anime slash drama: orange by takano ichigo (but more on the manga)

Chapter 1: i'm noticing you too

Notes:

i wrote the first draft back in nov but it never came out right so i gave up,,, and here i am tackling it again :")

 

note: the underlined parts are what were written in the letters addressed to jihoon~

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

We couldn’t save woojin in our world,
so we’ll create a new one
and we will save him

 

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Dear Mr Park Jihoon

To the me in second year high school, have you been well?
I am writing this to you ten years in the future.
If you are wondering why I’m writing to you at this time,
it is because i have something that I need to ask of you.

In this letter,
I will write what will happen next and when it happens
so that you can choose the right path.
I hope you will not repeat the same mistakes I did.

 

‘What the hell is this’ Jihoon murmurs, flipping through the stack of envelopes that seemed to have magically appeared in his desk drawer overnight. The front of each envelope had a date written with a hand which undoubtedly belonged to him, except it couldn’t be since he had no recollection of ever writing letters to anyone.

Written on the envelope at the top of the stack was a Dear Mr Park Jihoon and said person couldn’t help but snort at the formality. This might just be another prank by quote unquote the Demonic pair but even if so, Jihoon has to admit it's not on par with their past ones. Not like he would ever say it out loud.

“Jihoon!” his mom calls from the kitchen, “You’re still here? you’ll be late for school.”

Jihoon glances at the clock and swears. He slams his drawer shut and grabs his bag before dashing out the door. The creepy letter was going to have to wait.

 

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Miraculously, Jihoon did make it to class in time. He throws a tired, half assed glare at the demonic pair who go by the names Lee Daehwi and Bae Jinyoung as he walked through the door, leaving the pair looking at each other in confusion.

Jihoon finds the envelope once again between the pages of his book. Thinking there’s still some time before mr kim arrives, he slips out the letter and continues reading.

You were almost late for class, and our mother had to rush you out of the house.

Hold on

our mother?

As far as Jihoon knows, the only other person he shares his mother with is his brother, who’s staying in a college dorm and whose handwriting puts Jihoon's to shame. Jihoon’s gaze moves down to the bottom of the letter, and lo and behold, it is signed off by none other than Park Jihoon... ten years in the future?

The faint footsteps at the front of the class and the quietening of the students signal Mr Kim’s arrival. Jihoon adjusts the letter to let him read it more discreetly. He can hear Mr Kim talking in the background, and his ears catch onto words along the line of ‘new’ and ‘introduce’.

There will be a new student from busan transferring into our class. His name is

“—Park Woojin. He will be your new classmate from today onwards. I hope all of you will
welcome him warmly” Mr Kim finishes, before gesturing for the person at the door to enter.

His name is park woojin

Jihoon inhales sharply, trying to figure out some explanation and not anything paranormal because fuck this letter is definitely written in his handwriting but how??

“—I’m from busan and I will be your new classmate, please take care of me,” Woojin finishes quietly, bowing a few degrees and his accent slipping out between his words.

Mr Kim nods once Woojin finishes. “We arrange according to register, so Park.. you can sit over there next to Jihoon.” Mr Kim says as he points toward the empty seat on Jihoon’s left.

Jihoon blinks wordlessly before reading the rest of the letter.

He will sit beside you in class.

This has to be a coincidence Jihoon tries to reason. He looks back up at the sound of Woojin dragging his chair, placing his bag carefully on the floor next to him before taking out his books and stationery.

My biggest regret is that he will no longer be with us in the future. Seventeen year old Park Jihoon, please watch him closely.

He watches Woojin twirls a loose thread from his hoodie sleeve around his finger, then tugging the ends down to cover his palms and obviously not listening to any of the admin stuff Mr Kim is saying. Woojin pauses his fidgeting suddenly and Jihoon snaps out of his trance, realising he had been staring at Woojin’s hands—who the fuck does that? he looks up and sees Woojin looking at him, a brow slightly raised and head cocked to the side which, to his credit is a perfectly normal response to give to someone who you had just caught checking out your hands.

Embarrassed, Jihoon directs his attention back to the letter in his hand. maybe this really is some paranormal shit.

He doesn’t catch the bewildered glance exchanged between Jinyoung and Daehwi several rows down.

 

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“Jihoonie!” Daniel calls from halfway across the classroom, “Let’s all go home together!”

“Can we get food? I’m hungry,” Daehwi whines, appearing at Jihoon’s side, “Jihoon hyung’s hungry too,”

“Thanks for letting me speak for myself”

“Jihoon hyung says he’s hungry!” Daehwi corrects as he beckons Jinyoung to come over.

Daniel chuckles because it is his standard response to everything before turning to Woojin, who had just finished packing and was turning to leave. “Woojin! Wanna come with us? We’re heading to the chicken place down the road”

Woojin jumps slightly upon hearing his name, “Ah..” he starts, Today I-“

“It’s alright! They have the best chicken in the area,”

“Yeah yeah Woojinie! Let’s all get along~”

“Seongwu said he’ll meet us at the gates”

“Ah great! we’ll take you exploring too”

“—But,”

Jihoon reaches into his pocket and fishes out the letter, he’s not really believing what it says.. no, he’s just curious if there’s anything else written, and a little checking won’t hurt...

You will invite woojin to walk home together, but he’ll say no

I hope that you guys won’t invite him today. Absolutely not.

Huh? jihoon thinks, should he tell the others? Will they even believe him? ’Hey guys we can’t bring woojin along because this mysterious letter i found in my desk this morning said not to’ no he can’t say that.

“If it’s only for a little while...” Woojin relents finally.

“Great!” Daniel cheers, slinging an arm around Woojin’s shoulders as if they were already best buddies, and the shorter almost loses his balance. “Seongwu will catch up on our way out. He has to explain to Ms Choi why he can’t hand in his essay today”

“And then Mr Kim on why he was late for school” Jinyoung adds, snickering at the thought.

The four of them are slowly moving towards the door, but Daehwi, noticing Jihoon wasn’t with them, turned back, “Jihoonie you coming?”

If we invite him, will there be some sort of problem?

Jihoon looks at Woojin first. he doesn’t know if its a good idea to call off the outing since they were the ones who brought it up, and he doesn’t want to come off as rude or make their new friend think he disliked him, all because of some strange letter.

Woojin flashes him a shy smile, and Jihoon thinks it’s enough. He folds the letter and stuffs it back into his pocket. “I’m coming”

 

 

“This is Kang Daniel, that is Bae Jinyoung and next to him is Ong Seongwu. that’s Park Jihoon and i’m Lee Daehwi” Daehwi introduces to Woojin. “So, Seongwu hyung, how did the talks go? Talks with a capital s”

“Daehwi ah, talks starts with a T” Daniel cuts in innocently.

“Your point?”

They all laugh and Jihoon finds his gaze shifting to Woojin, whose eyes had turned into small crescents and is laughing with his mouth open wide and jihoon notices the snaggletooth peeking out. He looks away too late because Woojin manages to catch the glance and he quickly covers his face with his hand, laughing quietly into it while looking down shyly.

“Yes okay,” Seongwu cuts through the laughter with a sigh, “stop laughing all of you, jeez. I was just walking to school and happened to be holding onto my essay. Then the wind blew and the essay flew out of my hand so i had to chase it but it landed in a drain. So that’s how i ended up late and without an essay.”

“You forgot to mention the part where this never would have happened if you had realised leaving your essay on the ground while you went and pet that dog was not a good idea.”

“Yah. All dogs deserve to be petted and loved. Lee Daehwi get back here.”

“The truth hurts, hyung!” Daehwi calls, but he speeds up a few paces anyway.

“You all seem close,” Woojin comments. and Jihoon turns when he realises he was talking to him.

“Hm? I guess so, we’ve known each other since our first year” Jihoon hums in response.

“Ah.. so i’m at a disadvantage then”

Jihoon moves closer and nudges him. both their first physical contact and their first proper conversation. which surprises Jihoon since he’s not the one to initiate skinship. “Don’t say that. You’ll fit in just fine.” Woojin grins and nudges him back harder. Jihoon counters with another push and they go on and on as they walked until Jihoon ends up tripping over his own foot. Woojin reaches out a hand to grab his wrist before the older could’ve fallen unceremoniously onto the sidewalk.

“Careful, idiot.” Woojin chides as if he were a mom.

“You pushed me first,” Jihoon counters, sticking his tongue out as if he were half his actual age.

“Children,” He hears Jinyoung whisper not-so-quietly to Daniel next to him. “Both of them. Children”

 

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“Woojin’s not here today either?”

Jihoon shakes his head, sighing. Woojin hasn’t come to school for a week and he can’t help but miss the other boy, even though they had spent barely a day together. If the last letter had something to do with it then maybe the reason is also in the letter.

The next letter dates two weeks after Woojin’s absence.

 

22 august

During the dance club’s showcase, a member sprained their ankle and Daniel asked me to sub in

I really regret saying no. I hope you won’t refuse this time.

That was the day i fell in love with woojin

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“Jihoonie! don't forget the dance performance starts in half an hour!” Jinyoung waves to Jihoon, who had been helping Kuanlin keep the basketballs after their trials. It’s been two weeks and Woojin hasn’t been back and Jihoon is really close to believing that their outing had something to do with it.

“Eh? Isn’t that...”

“Woojin!” Daehwi cheers before running across the field towards the figure and jumping on him because the kid does not have ‘personal space’ in his dictionary, “Where have you been?”

“Slacking,” Woojin grins, ruffling the younger’s hair as Jinyoung and Jihoon make their way over.

That’s all there is to it?

“We’re on our way to watch Daniel hyung perform at the dance showcase, come with us!” Daehwi says as he tugs Woojin’s arm along in the direction of the courtyard and not giving him much of a choice.

And then Daehwi and Jinyoung had went to help the film club set up for their exhibition before the dance showcase begins, leaving the two parks sitting on the staircase in silence. Jihoon is on his phone texting Seongwu before he pockets it and moves a couple steps down so he’s on the same step as Woojin.

"So, thinking of joining a club?”

Woojin looks up and smiles at him, and Jihoon feels his heart do the teeniest of somersaults. “Not really, i don’t think i’ll be able to manage it.”

Jihoon hums as he stretches his leg. His foot is hurting again and all the walking isn’t helping. “You should though, meet new people. Not saying you won’t have us though, but I’m sure it’s a lot of fun.”

“Are you in a club?” Woojin asks.

"Nope," Jihoon sighs. "I missed my chance last year, and I didn’t want to trouble anyone with my application, but I might sign up this year.”

“And who are you to lecture me on not joining a club?” Woojin asks teasingly. “Just go for it,”

Just go for it

“Where have you really been the past two weeks?” Jihoon asks suddenly. There, he’s gone for it.

“I told you before, I was slacking. Y’know playing video games and stuff” Woojin grins weakly, voice casual but he’s not looking at Jihoon and the latter can’t help but feel there’s something he’s avoiding saying.

“Why? did you miss me?” Woojin asks in the same teasing voice.

“Maybe a little” Jihoon replies, and something in his voice must’ve made it sound earnest as Woojin gives him a look.

Woojin looked like he was going to say something but never had the chance to as Jihoon spots Daniel barreling towards them. “Jihoonie!”

No way

“Samuel sprained his ankle when his clumsy ass tripped over a curb, so could you please be his sub for our showcase!”

During the dance club’s showcase, a member sprained their ankle and Daniel asked me to sub in

“H-Huh? Why me?”

“You’ve been watching our dance practices and Jinyoung said you were in a dance club back in middle school? You’re the best person out there to cover for Samuel, because without him our stage would be uneven,” Daniel sighs regretfully.

“I-“ Jihoon starts, battling an internal conflict.

“Don’t pressure him, Hyung,” Woojin cuts in. “This clumsy ass hurt his foot too.”

“Eh? really Jihoonie?”

Jihoon blinks at the younger, wondering how he had known, whether it had been that obvious, “A-Ah, kind of” He replies quietly, and he feels the blister throbbing at the back of his foot as if sending an (unwanted) reminder of its presence. “I wore shoes that were too small last weekend.” His mom had bought him a pair of new shoes, but he only realised they were too small past the return date, and he didn’t want to waste them so he wore them out anyway.

“Oh.. rest well then” Daniel says as he turns to go.

I really regret saying no. I hope you won’t refuse this time.

Jihoon bites his lip. If the future him had this regret, he will too. If it was important enough to note down, it has to be—“

“Wait! Daniel, actually.. I'll do it”

“Jihoon,” Woojin says next to him, “Are you sure?” Jihoon stands up, wincing slightly before flashing him a thumbs up sign.

Who cares about a leg? it’s not a big problem, the pain will go away eventually.

But a regretful heart won’t change for another ten years. And the present Jihoon does not want that feeling to stay.

The choreography looks complicated at first glance, but Jihoon has seen it enough times to know the steps. And they shifted the dancers around so the spotlight wouldn’t always be on him.

He can do this

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Jihoon is filled with a nervous adrenaline as the dance crew walks to the center of the courtyard. Jihoon squeezes his hands out of nervous habit and looks into the crowd. He spots Seongwu at the side, camera out to take pictures for the photography club. He flashes Jihoon a peace sign before snapping a quick picture. Jinyoung and Daehwi are a few feet back, making an exaggerated show of clapping and jumping. Jihoon feels some of his nervousness and tension subside as he tries to suppress his smile. Woojin is close by too, arms crossed and Jihoon spots his mouth curve into a small grin when they make eye contact. Woojin shakes his head but flashes a thumbs up, grin turning into a smile which fully displays his snaggletooth and Jihoon finds his face heating up. What the fuck. He turns away and his expression neutralises just as the music starts, its familiar beat filling his eardrums as he feels his heart rate speed up.

 

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“You guys were amazing! Especially you Jihoon hyung," The crew got through the performance, thankfully, with minor mishaps. "you could pass off as a full time member too!” Daehwi chirps and jumps around them excitedly. “You’re gonna attract loads of people to the club, the first years were even ogling at Jihoon hyung.”

Jihoon splutters at the last part. “What.”

They’re walking back towards the auditorium to view Jinyoung and Daehwi’s film club exhibition, jihoon lagging slightly behind the others as all the dancing had made his blisters worse and now they’re going to take even longer to heal.

And all it took Woojin was a glance back before calling to the others, “You guys go on ahead, Jihoon and i have to head somewhere first.” The rest of the group nods while Woojin slows down to match Jihoon’s pace and grabs his hand, gently pulling him over to one of the benches. "Wait here,”

“But Woojin—“ Jihoon starts but silences when Woojin glares at him. “I'll be back” Woojin says simply before heading towards the main building, leaving Jihoon alone on the bench.

Jihoon sits quietly for a few minutes, the adrenaline from before had faded into mild tiredness and Jihoon sets a mental reminder to stretch later so he won’t have aches the following day.

“Hey idiot. Let me see your foot.” Woojin says, a first aid kit in his right hand.

“Woojin you don’t have to—“

“Take off your shoe”

Jihoon sighs and does as told, cringing at the sight of the blister which had not looked so red earlier.

“You have to speak up if your shoes are too tight,” Woojin chides, “Gonna have to disinfect it.”

Jihoon whimpers at the sight of the disinfectant, “It was too late to change the shoes, and i didn’t want to trouble anyone—Ow ow ow..” Jihoon groans, clenching his fists and his nails cutting crescents into his palms. Woojin notices and instantly reaches his free hand up to grab the older’s and squeezes it.

“Dumbass,” Woojin scolds. “You’ll only suffer if you keep suppressing yourself.”

“I'd rather suffer on my own if it won’t cause people trouble,” Jihoon responds through gritted teeth, squeezing Woojin’s hand as the disinfectant stings his wound but if it hurt, the younger didn’t show it. “Nobody noticed anyway, and it’ll go away faster if i endured on my own. It’s always been that way.”

“I saw it, though.” Woojin says simply after covering the wound with a fresh plaster. He looks straight up at Jihoon through his bangs. “I noticed.”

Jihoon gulps and finds himself looking away after a few moments, “Thank you.”

“Mmm” Woojin nods as he reaches out a hand, which Jihoon takes and pulls him to his feet and they walk slowly to the auditorium.

“You too, Woojin,” Jihoon says. It came out softer than expected but Woojin tilts his head to show he heard it anyway. “If you want to join a club, just say it. Because i’m noticing you too.”

Woojin face lights up into a large smile, the largest Jihoon has ever seen so far and being the reason for it sends a warmth spreading through him. “Your dance back there? It was pretty cool. so how bout we both join the dance club? After your foot heals, of course.”

Jihoon’s eyes widen, “You dance too?” in which woojin grins in reply eyes sparkling, “Some modern some hip hop”

“Okay,” Jihoon decides, catching up to Woojin. “Then its settled. Next week, we’ll apply together.”

That day, i fell in love with woojin

“Of course”

To the Jihoon ten years in the future, has one of your regrets been erased?

 

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ten years

“Jihoonie! look at these flowers! Aren’t they pretty?” Daniel greets, waving a large bouquet of flowers.

“Are those for Woojin? You know he won’t like that sort of thing..”

“It’s fine, what did you bring?”

“It’s a secret~” Jihoon giggles before taking Daniel’s free hand.


Finally, I want to tell you the most important reason for writing this letter.

It is because i don’t want the seventeen year old me to carry a lifetime of regret

Ten years later, Woojin is no longer with us.

Please don’t just let the important things go by so easily

And please, watch over Woojin closely

Notes:

i hope the structure isn't confusing.. basically there are 3 main aspects. the main story, the letters, and 10 years in the future~

thank you for reading till here <3 ill put up the next chapter asap !! :<