Chapter Text
“So.” Liam’s voice cuts through the empty space, and though it’s soft and low, Zayn swears he could have heard it from all the way across the field.
“Why’d you ask me to meet you here?” Zayn asks quietly, almost in a whisper.
“‘Cause it reminds me of when we first got together,” Liam replies, attempting a smile. It falls flat.
Liam’s hand that twitches as if to reach for Zayn also falls flat, and he knows that immediately. So he does his best to still it instead.
Zayn lets his gaze wander to the right, not because there’s really anything interesting to see in this empty, frost-bitten football field, but so he can turn away from Liam. He’s not wanting to face the words, not ready to yet. He knows why Liam needs to be reminded of when they first got together, and yet. He still wants to ask and plead why.
As if Liam can read Zayn’s mind--and maybe he can, maybe he always could, and maybe that’s why they’re even here in this predicament in the first place--he sighs, “I know you feel it, too.”
Zayn lets out a hum at this, not trusting his voice. Blinking, he pushes back the quickly forming tears. “We’re… different,” Zayn ventures, though it’s not so much of a venture as it is allowing himself to say the words out loud that he knows are true. The words that he knows have been true for the last couple of months, even, as they went through the motions, the script well-rehearsed at this point.
Well-rehearsed... yet dry, void of change or newness, like a play that’s run on at least a season too long.
Zayn always had hated plays.
He finally chances a glance at Liam and his eyes hold a sense of finality in them that Zayn doesn’t want to dwell on too much.
He focuses on the falling sun instead, wanting to chant out how he doesn’t want to let go, doesn’t want to let go. Isn’t ready to let go, nor does he think he ever will be.
At least, not this soon.
He chokes out a sob.
Instinctively, Liam’s arm jets out to sweep around Zayn’s shoulder, pulling him close. “I’m here,” he gets out.
And from anyone else, Zayn would just snort and shrug it off. But from Liam? Zayn presses his eyes shut and burrows his face into Liam’s shoulder. The familiarity of it stings, yes, but what stings even more is when he realizes with a punch to the gut that he hasn’t done that in months. That they haven’t done this in months.
“We don’t have to be different,” Liam says in a rush, his voice coming out throaty. “We can still go back,” he reassures, though he sounds more like he’s reassuring himself than his boyfriend.
Zayn pushes his face further into Liam’s shirt. “Can we, though?” His voice is muffled, which he’s thankful for, because maybe the wetness behind his words will be a bit more obscured, too.
“Zayn,” Liam growls, and he feels a slight tug as Liam pulls him back a bit to give him a fiery look. “I’m not going to give up on us that easily.” He lifts his hand slowly, letting it gently card through Zayn’s hair as he assures, “I can’t promise anything, but I’m not letting us go down without a fight.”
Zayn bites his lip as he thinks this over. “That’s why we’re here, then,” he breathes.
“That’s why we’re here, love,” Liam affirms, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to the top of Zayn’s head. “I may not fully understand yet how to hold your heart, but that doesn’t mean that we end here.”
Zayn finds his spot back against Liam’s shoulder, breathing in the fabric, reveling in his scent while he still has the chance. Nodding weakly, he allows himself to just sit there in silence.
He knows this moment won’t last forever. Knows it can’t, nor should it.
But he’s not quite ready to go back to the reality that the two of them still have to face.
Not yet, anyway.
But he knows Liam will sit with him until he is.