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"Long recording today, wasn't it?"
Hyunjin forces his eyes open and blinks away the bleary film to meet Changbin's eyes. It's dark in the back of the van, lit only by lights along the street shining into the car as they pass them. Flickers of light, catching on Changbin's bangs, his chin. The light from Jeongin's phone screen casts a dull blue glow across the back of the van and puts two blue-white pinpricks in Changbin's eyes.
Hyunjin swallows around the dryness in his throat. "Yeah," he croaks. His neck hurts something awful from letting it fall back against the headrest. Pauses. "Wait," he says. "No, it was okay, I'm not compla—"
"It was pretty long," Changbin says, and Hyunjin can see that the corners of his mouth are curled. His eyes are only slits, but turned up into pleased half-moons. He's not mad.
"STAY cheered so hard," Hyunjin mumbles. "They always work so hard."
Changbin hums in agreement. "And now that they are home and resting, so can you, Hyunjin-ah."
Hyunjin glances towards the front of the car. Jeongin has his Airpods in, playing the new RPG-style rhythm game he had taken a liking to. Chan passed out not even two minutes after they had piled in. And Seungmin, while not playing music as he scrolls though his phone, is not in the habit of chatting about what he may or may not have heard his members discussing.
"I'm tired," Hyunjin admits finally. "Really, really tired."
"You had a big exam yesterday, right?" Changbin asks.
"Yeah," Hyunjin says. "I was up late studying and then I practiced extra hard yesterday until way late to make up for skipping out the day before, so I'm just a little tired."
"You can sleep now," Changbin suggests gently.
Hyunjin shakes his head, smiling a little. "SKZ Talker."
"Ah."
Hyunjin rolls his shoulders and there's an ugly crack close to his neck. He's probably a little dehydrated and he definitely pulled something while dozing like that. He licks his lips and pats his pockets for lip balm. Grumbles wordlessly when he comes up empty.
"Here," Changbin says, pulling out some of his own.
"Ah, hyung, no," Hyunjin says, shaking his head slowly. "If I'm not well, you'll—"
"I'll what?" Changbin asks, teasing lilt to his voice. "I live next door to you, Hyunjinnie. We share a toothbrush."
Hyunjin laughs through his nose and shakes his head, rolling his eyes to the fuzzy ceiling of the van. "You're gross."
The sound of a seatbelt stretching. Hyunjin tilts his head to the side and Changbin is leaning across the backseat, lip balm uncapped, holding it up to Hyunjin's face. "C'mon," Changbin coaxes. "If they tear you'll never stop chewing them."
Hyunjin rolls his eyes but leans forward and parts his lips, eyes fixed on Changbin's. Changbin takes Hyunjin's chin gently in one hand and fixes his eyes on Hyunjin's lips, careful and gentle in rubbing the balm across his lips, dragging it over twice to make sure he covers the fullness of Hyunjin's mouth. Hyunjin watches the jump of Changbin's pupils and his own lips that part in a mirror of Hyunjin's. He thumbs beneath Hyunjin's bottom lip to swipe away any excess.
"Rub them together," Changbin says, rubbing his own lips together. "Don't lick."
Hyunjin is eighteen years old and doesn't need that level of instruction, but the fussing makes him smile. He doesn't mind being babied a little. He copies Changbin and blinks slowly. "Thanks, hyung."
Changbin doesn't drop his hand. He moves it Hyunjin's neck, playing with the hair at the base of his neck. Tugging. Petting. Combing with his fingers. He can curl a little bit around his pinky finger and he lets out a soft sigh. "Getting long."
"Mhmm," Hyunjin agrees. "S'posed to keep it long this comeback." Changbin drags his nails over Hyunjin's scalp and Hyunjin's eyelids flutter closed.
"'S good," he murmurs. "Feels so good, hyung."
Changbin doesn't say anything, but he stays there, arm uncomfortably outstretched and leaning into Hyunjin's space, stroking Hyunjin's hair and petting him until he is lulled into a light slumber once again.
It's not for long, though. "Chris-hyung," Seungmin says, loud enough for Jeongin to straighten up and Hyunjin to stir.
Jeongin shakes Chan gently. "Hyung," he says.
Chan sucks in a deep breath and sits up. "'M up," he slurs. "Whassup?"
"Talker," Seungmin says softly. "Do you want to start?"
Chan mutters something under his breath and sits up while Seungmin retrieves the camera from one of the managers in the passenger seat.
Changbin's fingers move to Hyunjin's ear, tracing the shell of it and rubbing over his earlobe. Hyunjin had taken out his earrings earlier because the nickel was irritating his piercings and because of that, he's got a little bit of crust around the holes. He makes a noise in the back of his throat to warn Changbin, but Changbin gently scrapes it off with his thumbnail and goes back to tracing the shape of Hyunjin's ear, outside and inside. Hyunjin warbles almost inaudibly and relaxes against the seat.
Changbin pets him through the SKZ Talker intro, picking up Hyunjin's slack and playing carefully with him ("You're so cute." "I am?" "Yes."). He drops his hand when Jeongin passes the camera overhead to get a better view of him, but the loss of skin-to-skin contact makes Hyunjin's heart ache. His own hand trails up Changbin's arm. He rests his wrist on Changbin's shoulder and touches the soft bristles of freshly shaved hair at the base of his neck. Ghosts his fingers over the minuscule strands while Changbin growls playfully at Jeongin. He can feel goosebumps on Changbin's upper arm. He wants more.
Hyunjin stretches against his seatbelt to lean across the backseat. Changbin is leaning forward, forearms perched on his knees, and offering up a comfortable amount of real estate in the shoulder department. The seatbelt digs into Hyunjin's neck and he ignores it. He nestles his cheek against the rise of Changbin's shoulder.
Needy? It might be. Probably is. Part of Hyunjin's nefarious plan to lure Changbin away from the front seat to pet him some more. Hyunjin is aware that he's insatiable. It's why he doesn't demand; only suggests. He touches Changbin in a way that says I need you as clearly as it also says I won't force you. The camera has him in its sights as well, so Hyunjin puts on a cute pout. It's not even that performative—he feels pouty and heartache-y, and if he's cute for STAY on top of vying for attention from hyung, then all the better.
Changbin adjusts the level of his shoulder automatically when he feels Hyunjin settle against him. He's toying with a Starbucks receipt in his hands while listening to the others talk; making little tears along the edges without actually ripping any pieces off. It takes him a few beats, but he drops his eyes and turns his head to look at Hyunjin.
The ride isn't as smooth when they aren't pressed flush to the seats, so Changbin and Hyunjin rock back and forth in their own personal limbo. Hyunjin keeps himself from leaning on Changbin, cheek delicately bobbing on and a little off his shoulder. Changbin's face wavers, towards and away from Hyunjin's face. Hyunjin blinks once, slowly, a small smile on his lips and eyes on Changbin's. Changbin's eyes hold his, expression neutral. Thoughtful.
They have a silent conversation:
Yes? What's this?
Mmm-mm.
You don't make any sense.
You know already. I don't have to say it.
Yah, I'm busy taking care of us.
But...
But what?
...
Seriously, this kid...
Come back to me.
His eyes fall to Hyunjin's lips. This is not unusual. It's not like the members never take notice of each other’s most charming features and praise them off camera. Jisung used to get in so close to look at the mole beneath Hyunjin's eye. Hyunjin and Jeongin still squish each other's mouths into fish faces until they burst out laughing and end up spitting all over each other. Changbin has touched Hyunjin's lips before. He's done more.
Changbin's face dips a little closer and Hyunjin's heart kicks hard against his sternum. He doesn't fight it. The day has been so long. He would welcome a little comfort, if Changbin would just...
But they're still being filmed. There's a beat of too much silence and then Chan makes some impromptu sound effect and Changbin turns back around to engage with the camera. Hyunjin lifts his head. He looked. I saw him look.
They finish up the clip as they enter their district. It's never long, just a greeting and some playfulness for STAY. They still have another twenty minutes minimum before they reach the dorms. Changbin falls back against the seat once their members are situated, this time Seungmin asleep and Chan slipping in earbuds. Changbin turns his head to the side and opens his mouth, presumably to scold Hyunjin for his cheekiness.
In an act of pure cheekiness, Hyunjin leans against him again, burrowing the crown of his head between Changbin's neck and shoulder, tucking himself under his chin.
"Yah," Changbin grumbles half-heartedly. Hyunjin looks up, eyes wide with faux innocence.
"You're relentless," Changbin murmurs. "What am I going to do with you?"
Hyunjin smiles.
"Besides that," Changbin says.
"Not even a little?" Hyunjin's voice is low and lilts up at the end. "Cruel..."
"What's with this brat today, huh?" Changbin murmurs. "Greedy for skinship and now he wants more?"
Hyunjin nods enthusiastically.
Changbin laughs through his nose. He drapes an arm around Hyunjin's shoulders and lets Hyunjin nestle close to him, even with the seatbelt tugging. Hyunjin makes eye contact with their manager in the rear view mirror, but he doesn't say anything. Hyunjin worked hard today. He can be spoiled a little with some rule-bending.
When they get to the dorms, Hyunjin wakes up again. He doesn't even remember falling asleep. Changbin untangles himself carefully and climbs out after Chan. Hyunjin blinks dumbly at everyone piling out. He has homework still. He will also die if he has to be awake for longer than an hour more.
He's offered an outstretched hand that he grabs and allows to haul him out of the van. He stumbles a little on the uneven ground and Changbin steadies him with a hand at his waist. Hyunjin doesn't bother playing; he slumps openly against Changbin, who grunts at the weight.
"We're going on ahead," Seungmin says, and Changbin makes a noise of acknowledgment. Even though Hyunjin is bigger and taller and heavier than his hyung, Changbin loops an arm around Hyunjin's waist and tugs him along to the door. Into the lobby. Split off from their manager at the stairs. Wait by the elevator. Get into the elevator. Watch the doors close. Changbin is so warm and firm against Hyunjin's side.
"Hyung," he whispers.
"Mm?"
Hyunjin hangs his head, presses his mouth against Changbin's ear. He can't ask outright, and the right words get jumbled in his head. He parts his lips but says nothing, breathing softly against the shell of Changbin's ear. It's so quiet. He can hear Changbin let out a controlled exhale. He can hear Changbin's pulse race in his neck. He finds the words.
"Can we...do 'that' again?" Hyunjin whispers.
"Coy," Changbin mutters. "You know what it's called."
"Please," Hyunjin says. "I want to, hyung."
The elevator dings and Changbin tugs Hyunjin out. Seungmin left the door open for them and they step through, toeing off their shoes in the entryway. They pull on slippers.
"Wash up," Changbin says. "If you're not asleep afterwards, we can."
That seems fair. Hyunjin pulls off his clothes and climbs into the shower with Jisung, who squawks loudly and protests, but is no match for Hyunjin's sleepy refusal to leave. He dries off. Pulls on boxers and a sleep shirt. Brushes his teeth. Washes his face. He should floss but he still has that itch under his skin.
Hyunjin peeks around the corner to try to locate Chan and Changbin. Fortunately, Chan has set up in the living room with his laptop and is chewing on a pen cap and watching a video. A copy of the pre-recording, maybe? Or some footage a manager shot? He scribbles something in the pad resting on his knee. Hyunjin slips out of the bathroom and into the room he shares with Changbin.
When Changbin walks in after finishing his own ablutions to find Hyunjin already snuggled under his comforter. He stands in the doorway and laughs. "I didn't think you'd come."
Hyunjin sniffs, but he can't pretend to be mad for long. He kicks at the blankets. "Come in," he says, holding up a corner.
"He invites me into my own bed..." Changbin shakes his head but comes as bid, crawling under the covers. Hyunjin tugs the comforter up to their chins and they face each other with secretive smiles.
"You still want to?" Changbin asks.
Hyunjin nods.
"You know...I don't always have to start--"
"It's better when you do it," Hyunjin says.
Changbin pinches his cheek. "Baby."
Hyunjin smiles and presses a tentative hand to Changbin's chest. "Yours," he says quietly. Changbin rolls his eyes, but Hyunjin feels the kick of his heart.
And then Changbin is brushing Hyunjin's bangs back, tucking stray hairs behind his ear. Hyunjin watches his hand move with wide eyes, lips already parted. Changbin thumbs his cheek, brushing over the mole beneath his eye slowly. Hyunjin scrunches his shoulders and leans into the touch.
"I'm going to now, okay?" Changbin whispers.
"Okay," Hyunjin whispers back.
Hyunjin watches. He lets himself go loose and pliable, lets Changbin take his chin like he did in the van and tilt his face up. He leans forward, helpless, even though he said he didn't want to lead. He watches Changbin lean in resolutely, eyes slipping closed just before Changbin's mouth meets his.
Changbin always begins slowly. He treats Hyunjin delicately, as if Hyunjin doesn't think about this all the time, wondering when they can do it again, as if Hyunjin will pull away or hate it. But he likes it. The slow kissing, just getting to know each other's bodies again after time apart, warms Hyunjin to his core. He can taste Chan's toothpaste in the corner of Changbin's mouth and the usual waxiness of Changbin's lip balm. They both smell like Jisung's shampoo. The scent of Hyunjin's orange peel face wash clings to his skin, persistent.
They rest a moment to breathe, foreheads pressed together. Hyunjin's heart is in his throat. He feels desperate and surges forward to rub cheeks with Changbin, up and down, the familiar brush of soft skin soothing some spiritual wound on his heart.
"Hey," Changbin says with half a laugh. "What's all this?"
"Missed this," Hyunjin breathes, maybe too honest. He runs his bottom lip over the cut of Changbin's jaw to re-memorize the shape and feel of it. Changbin has a hand on Hyunjin's chest, too. He can feel Hyunjin's racing pulse.
"Hyunjinnie," Changbin says softly, wounded.
Hyunjin wraps his arms around Changbin and pulls him on top of him. He squeezes Changbin in a tight hug, even wrapping his legs around him. He needs this. He needs to feel how Changbin fits in his arms and if he's lost weight or if he's grown. But mostly, Hyunjin needs to reassure himself that he's allowed to do this and that he's allowed to want to have Changbin touching him like this, filling in every touch-starved crack in Hyunjin's heart.
He lets go after a moment and Changbin props himself up over Hyunjin's chest. "Sorry," Changbin murmurs. "I know how badly you need this. I left you too long."
"Please," Hyunjin begs.
So Changbin curls his fingers in Hyunjin's hair and holds him there, pressing Hyunjin into the bed with the weight of his body, and he kisses him harder. His arms cage in Hyunjin and he works him open kindly but firmly, until he's kissing Hyunjin open-mouthed, scraping teeth against his tongue and sucking gently on his bottom lip. Hyunjin melts against Changbin, his entire soul chanting safe, safe, safe.
He feels warm. He feels wanted. He feels loved.
Changbin kisses Hyunjin until their lips start to bruise. He pulls back and Hyunjin lets out a long, tortured whine.
"Hush," Changbin chides him. "I'm getting you water."
He gets out of bed to grab his water bottle from the kitchen and returns, climbing back into bed with Hyunjin who immediately curls around him. Changbin takes several long swigs from the water bottle, throat bobbing. Hyunjin touches his Adam's apple lightly as he swallows. Changbin then offers it to Hyunjin and he nurses it slower, sipping occasionally.
"I can stay?" he asks.
Changbin's eyes are already closed. "If you want to."
Hyunjin puts the cap back on the water bottle and takes up his place, nestled against Changbin's shoulder. "I want to," he whispers, before closing his eyes as well.