Chapter Text
I'm here if you need me.
- Hey, Yutti, are you ok ?
Yamada sat down next to his fellow member on the couch of their green room.
- Yes, I'm just a little bit tired with the rehearsals, and I still haven't caught up all my sleep from the drama shooting, but I'm ok. The taller man answered.
But the long sigh he left out betrayed him.
- Alright, if you say so …
They stayed silent for a few minutes before Yuto took his phone out and stared at the screen for a moment. He let out another long sigh.
- What is it ? Asked Yamada.
- It's … I was just …. Well you know, it's only 3am in New York.
Yamada rolled his eyes.
- And ?
- I was thinking of calling Keito but …. I don't want to wake him up in the middle of the night …
- Just send him a message and he'll answer you when he’ll wake up. Suggested Yamada.
Yuto paused for a moment.
- Yeah I could do that but …, he turned to face Yamada, I wanted to hear his voice….
He leaned his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes. Yamada turned a bit to face him and said:
- You miss him ?
- Terribly…
Yuto kept his eyes shut.
- Well, you know, he made this choice, it was hard for him too, but he wants to do what he thinks is best for the group. 2 years might seem like a long time, but I'm sure it will go faster than we think.
- Yeah, but still …
- You want to talk about it ?
The taller man turned his head to look at Yamada.
- You're not going to laugh?
Yamada put his hand on his heart.
- I swear I won't !
Yuto barely smiled, sighed and then started to talk, his voice low, like coming from the back of his throat.
- I miss him as a whole, his presence, his smile, his laugher, his clumsiness. I miss talking to him, playing music with him. In fact I just miss being with him. I want him to do what he thinks is the best, but at the same time I'm worried… worried that things might changed when he comes back, worried that maybe he won't come back at all ! What if we don't get along anymore ? What if he wants something different after that ?
Yamada put his hand on his friend's shoulder as his voice began to sound shaky.
- Hey, hey, Yutti calm down… I think that … well, I miss Keito too, he is a good friend, and this is why I trust him. He will definitely come back and he will amaze us with his new skills ! Well it feels strange to say that but, I'm looking forward to it !
Yuto gave a faint smile to his friend.
- Thank you Ryosuke, it's… hard talking about this, and I've been keeping everything inside of me for too long I think...
- You know you can talk to me or the others when something like this is bothering you.
- Yeah, but… I can't talk to everyone about this kind of things… Some of them won't get it… And I don't want to bother them with my feelings.
- You know, I think we all miss Keito in our own way, but it must be more difficult for you, since you too were very close.
Yuto shook his head at this statement.
- But you know Yutti…,continued Yamada in a whispery voice, If I can do anything to help you feel better or at least less alone then I'll be happy to do it. Because… I don't like seeing you sad like this, I like the smiling and laughing Yutti better.
Yuto glanced at him, Yamada was being nice to him, he had listened to him and he had reassured him. Just like Keito would have done in a similar situation. But he was not Keito, and their relationship had been complicated in the past, fighting over the center position. But now they were good friends, their rivalry had motivated them to give their best. But still, somehow, Yuto had always felt attracted to Ryosuke, more like fascinated. By his charisma and his impeccable idol image. He respected him, for being such a workaholic and for always being so professional when it came to their job.
Yuto noticed he had been looking at Yamada for a few minutes and it was starting to be awkward, so he lowered his eyes and stared at his knees. He shuddered when he felt soft fingers brushing away a emerging tear from his eyes. Yuto looked at his friend with surprise, but Yamada wasn’t looking at him in the eyes, his stare seemed unfocused. And he whispered, as he started leaning over the taller boy:
- Please Yutti…. It hurts seeing you cry …
He then dropped a soft kiss on Yuto’s lips, brief, but full of meaning. But Yamada wasn’t expecting Yuto from backing away. The look in his eyes was a mix of surprise and shock, he slowly brought his hand to his own lips, the skin a bit hot from the previous proof of affection, he drew his stare back to Yamada’s face, who had an hesitant look in his eyes.
- I'm sorry, I shouldn't have …. I didn't want to make you feel uneasy, you were opening your feelings up to me, and I just managed to make you more upset, sorry Yutti.
He moved as to get up, but Yuto prevented him to by catching the sleeve of his sweater.
- Please stay…. I just, I think I just need time to assimilate what just happened…
He smiled shyly. Yamada sighed and sat back next to him, he put his hand on Yuto’s thigh and looked at him, a small smile on his face.
- And I'm ready to give you all the time you need, Yutti.