Work Text:
Touch-Starved/Repulsed Toshi
Just imagine the first time you have to get his attention, it's just a small touched on his wrist, mostly b/c he's standing a few inches away from you. Of course you don't notice the fact that he keeps looking down where you're touching him
Like a Sappy Idoit ™ Maybe you finally notice and slip your hand into his, then going back to whatever you were doing.
But Toshi is just '?????' the entire time. This is just you holding his hand, this shouldn't feel so... intimate but it does. He finds himself coming to stand closer to you.
As you lean on him, he starts to lean forward, your body heat calling to him. But he's not Perfect, this is not the Ideal. But then your still holding his hand, grabbing his arm and resting your head on his shoulder.
You don't seem to mind the fact that he's frail, broken. He's near to tears but your oblivious to all of it. A thumb starts to stroke the thinning muscle in his arm- his body is Broken and no one should want to be near him. But you do, and Fuck does he want you to be closer
The next time he's a little more prepared, realises that you like touching him. Twisting your fingers in the hair that rests on the back of his neck. How you tap his leg whenever you want to get up from the table, a warning that you're about to move. Every time he sees you, he starts circling you like a planet does to a dying sun.
Closer and Closer, the fear of being burned alive. Impossible to stop the pull that comes from being around you. There was a week where he didn't see you and it hits Toshi how Lonely he is these days. He craves you like a flower craves water and sun, a child it's mother.
The first thing he does when he sees you is pull you into a hug, his head burrowed into the crook of your neck. But then you have that soft laugh, the one that was reserved for him, especially when he told some pun or a bad joke.
Your fingers are running up and down his sides, brushing the Scar. Toshi shivers, not having felt your touch for a whole week but now it was everything. Then he felt your lips at his temple, a simple kiss, brief, barely there in the first place.
He pulls back, shocked. His body won't let you go, and you just smile up at him, a questioning look, as if what he was doing was somehow odd. He doesn't realise that your teasing, your words like a dagger in the back- one he had been expecting but never wanted to experience.
"What's gotten into you?"
You realise your mistake only a little too late, watch as he closes himself off, his hands dropping to his side. Both of you shocked that he has tears in his eyes, two pairs of hands coming up to brush away the tears. Toshi is trying to pull away, but like a magnet, he's leaning forward into your body, letting you hold his head as you try to kiss away the pain
"Toshi, no no no no, hey. It's okay. I'm sorry it's just- you don't initiate this... Ever. It's okay, honey, hey look at me."
You pull him back into your body one hand in his hair, the other rubbing at his back. For some reason this hurts more, but he can't stop himself from holding onto you like this. He's finally burning up in your atmosphere, everything that held him together, the Dying Planet, finally gone.
He barely has control as you walk the two of you backwards, thankful that this was happening in a small apartment and not in public. He's sitting on the couch, you move to rest in his lap. Elbows and sharp corners, but he's got his face buried in your neck. It takes a little bit to move him to rest your foreheads together. Just breathing in the other, everything that was held back coming to light.
You kiss him first, just a brush of lips. You don't move, just breathing him in. Toshi whimpers, grabbing your hips and pulling you closer. The weight of you on top of him is calming, the thing that he's been missing this last week. He moves, pulling in air as best as he can before kissing you himself.
It's so quiet, the only sound is his hands moving across your body, and yours on him. The kiss doesn't last, so you move to mouth at his neck, your lips travelling down the length. He has you in a vice- you couldn't leave him even if you wanted to
His body is hideous- to him. But this is yours, it has flaws and scars and is... Toshi. He's still crying, his body not used to this At All. But it's a drug, for both of you.
Maybe one day he'll be able to hold you, unprompted. Maybe he'll have the courage to grab your hand in public the same way you do. Maybe it will happen by accident, he doesn't register it until he's dragged you across the street to see whatever had grabbed his attention. Or the fact that he's had his hand on leg as you watch a movie together, with you asleep on his chest.
It would take a lot of work. But he could try.