Work Text:
Winter is good for couples. They can get closer,hug each other to make another warm and now Seoul streets are full of couples,Renjun unintentionally hates it. When he looks at his side he has no one. He hates how winter makes him look lonely. Cars are passing him by and splashing the water next to sidewalk on him.
Fuck.
When Renjun reaches cafeteria his eyes quickly spots his friends on their usual table.
" You look horrible"
As expected Donghyuck didn't wait to mock Renjun.
"Thank you"
The bitterness on his tone is undeniable that Renjun questioned himself for a second. He doesn't know what is wrong with him and even if he has friends;Renjun feels empty.
"Having a bad day?"
Jaemin,the warmest one,quickly puts his arm on Renjun's shoulder and pulls the tiny guy to himself a little. Renjun shakes his head as no. He doesn't even know what's wrong but he can't put the feeling aside,he feels empty and he wants a change in his life.
***
It starts snowing outside and snowflakes are dancing with soft wind. They are flying there and here,in the end they land on somewhere and melt. Renjun's eyes follow a random snowflake and he watches where will it land on
"Let's talk"
Jeno's voice totally distracts Renjun and he loses his snowflake. Eyes totally focus on Jeno's face this time
"About?"
"Tell me what is bothering you. You have been down for a month and it makes me-"
Jeno stops,for a moment he looks away from Renjun's face. Trying to select words correctly
"-makes us worry"
His eyes turn back to Renjun's face again. It's like ice,blurred and cold but if you look closely you can see how sensitive it is.
It's beautiful.
Renjun sighs while putting his face between his hands,he ruffles his hair and Jeno doesn't hesistate to fix it.
"I feel empty. I don't know if these are the right words but-"
Renjun stops when he sees their Biology professor is walking between the amphitheaters. Pretends to taking notes and Jeno follows him.
"Even if I have you guys around me always,I want... Idk maybe a boyfriend"
The last sentence was totally a whisper and Jeno thought he hear Renjun wrong.
"But you haven't dated with anyone"
"That's why I want it! I wanna feel the love"
***
They haven't talked about it till Donghyuck and Jaemin seperate their ways. The snow becomes a thin blanket on the ground and green grasses still can be seen.
In the middle of road Jeno stops and so does Renjun. He is weirdly looking at Jeno who is searching for something in his backpack.
"Did you forget something at school?"
Jeno pretends to didn't hear Renjun and keeps searching. When he takes out a pair of black wool gloves he passes it to Renjun. The boy takes it slowly
"You must be cold"
Jeno replies with a smile on his face then digs his chin into his scarf. He wishes he could be more brave and hold Renjun's hand instead,his timid nature blocks it. It always blocks Jeno whenever he wants to open up to Renjun.
"Thank you"
Renjun smiles too and it feels like it has been long time to see his heart warming smile. Jeno's heart skipped happily.
"About love thing we were talking..."
Jeno clears his throat and suddenly wants to quit asking what's on his mind. He afraids if he gets an answer he hasn't wanted to hear.
"Do you have someone on your mind?"
"No. I don't. It must be stupid feeling which winter brings to me. You know I always become sentimental"
"Yeah I know"
Jeno nods. At least Renjun hasn't had someone on his mind and Jeno relieved.
"But you should feel it. It's so-"
"Have you ever been inlove? I know you had some flirts at the past but liking someone and loving someone must be different"
They reach the subway. It is too crowd and Jeno holds Renjun by his wrist as he is a kid and Jeno doesn't want to lose him.
"I do. That's why I'm telling you should feel what is love"
Renjun stops and makes Jeno stops also. They shared few seconds of gazing at each other but people are keep bumping to them,Renjun pulls Jeno at the corner where is quieter.
"You haven't mentioned it"
Jeno sees a pout on Renjun's lips and he wants to confess right there.
What if he rejects?
He quickly pulls the confessing idea of him back and looks at Renjun again. His little pout is still hangs on his perfect shaped lips.
"It wasn't mutual so I burried it to history"
Jeno shrugs. He wanted to look carefree but it caused him to gain a mad look from Renjun.
"You should've tell me or at least one of us!"
***
The subway is too crowded and Renjun feels like he can't breathe. He feels other peoples bodies are trying to mash his petite figure but Jeno is here,wrapping his arm around Renjun's waist and pushing the bodies away slowly whenever they lean on to them.
The weather gets dark but who needs light while snow on the ground getting the place of street lights and guiding them as lighting their way.
Renjun wants to ask how it feels exactly to Jeno. He wants to learn but he feels like he is stepping into his private place too much. All the time Jeno didn't mention it for once.
They stop when they reach the cute wooden building. Renjun waves his hand and stops when he turns back.
"Thank you Jeno"
He passes the gloves to Jeno and the boy slowly takes it as giving a little nod with his perfect smile.
"How it feels? I mean when you're inlove"
The words came weird when Renjun hears it loud. He knew he should've respect to Jeno's privacy but he is too curious.
"Uhm actua-"
"Never mind. I'm getting weird and you will catch cold if you keep staying here"
Jeno sees the light pink on Renjun's cheeks and it's weird to see him like that. Blushing... Jeno realises again why he is inlove with Renjun. His heart starts to beat crazily inside and he afraids if Renjun can hear them as much as Jeno can.
"You can only see that person in your life,only think about them and everything reminds them to you."
Jeno hasn't break the eye contact. He wants to give Renjun a message. A message that he couldn't confess his feelings loudly.
Renjun doesn't break the gaze either. It's like their eyes lock up but it doesn't bother him. He can listen to Jeno without breaking the gaze all day and the smile. The smile Jeno gives him while mentioning how does love feel is too warm and Renjun forgets the cold weather. He feels warm enough.
***
Jeno didn't expect to see Renjun in front of his house such an early hour of morning. When his mom told him that Renjun is waiting outside he quickly grabbed his coat and scarf then he got out.
"Why didn't you come inside?"
Renjun leans on to fix Jeno's scarf and tucks in the coat. He feels Jeno's eyes on him but he doesn't care
"Cause... I don't know"
Renjun shrugs and they start walking side by side. Many times Renjun slips on the icy road and he feels thankful that Jeno is here.
"Here"
Jeno offers his arm and Renjun doesn't hesistate for a second to link their arms. He holds Jeno tight still he keeps slipping,cursing under his breathe and Jeno always laughs.
***
At the cafeteria Donghyuck and Jaemin are lean on each other and Jaemin is showing something to the other on his phone.
Jeno pulls Renjun into another direction and the other doesn't bother,follows Jeno.
Sport hall is empty. Jeno drags Renjun to sit next to him on the ground,Renjun does.
"Okay ask me whatever you wanna know"
He reaches to abandoned basket ball without looking at Renjun and feels the heat rapily occupies his ears and cheeks.
"How do you know I wanna ask something?"
"We know each other for a long time"
Jeno chuckles. It's true tho. It has been years and Jeno has been paying attention to everything Renjun does. He knows what he wants to mean just from his look. Jeno doesn't know when his obsession started but he knows he always admire Renjun.
"Uhm okay... He or she?"
"He"
"For how long?"
"Years"
"Years?"
Renjun's eyes widened. Thinking about being inlove with someone for years... That's crazy! Maybe it's the difference between liking and loving. Love gets deeper with time but liking is temporary.
"How did you understand you're inlove with him?"
The last word was stressed and Jeno stops for thinking? How did he? When he first see Renjun? Or When he first hug him?
"When he smiled at me warmly. I thought it's the most beautiful thing and I found myself craving to see his smile again"
Jeno spins the ball on his index to avoid eye contact with Renjun and he still pretends to look carefree.
Lucky guy.
Renjun feels jealous. He can see Jeno's blushed face and feels the other's feelings are still alive. He gets jealous to that guy. If he was close to Jeno how couldn't he see Jeno's feelings? Renjun didn't think that Jeno would be inlove and his love is pure.
"If you loved him for years why didn't you open up?"
"I was afraid that maybe he would reject me"
Jeno stops to playing with the ball and releases it,randomly throws it somewhere. He feels Renjun's gaze on him and he wants to escape. It gives burden to his shoulders.
"That means the boy is stupid to reject you"
Renjun shrugs and pats on Jeno's shoulder but Jeno's eyes catch him and lock him up. His eyes are too dark but they're sparkling.
"Would you reject me?"
"I wouldn't"
Both of them are too brave yet Jeno is still suprised his sudden question where as Renjun is ashamed. An unexpected question with unexpected answer with two dumb boys...
"So..."
Jeno clears his throat and looks at Renjun again. He can feel his heart beats in every corner of his body
"So?"
Renjun parrots. He feels his lips are getting dry and the air is suddenly isn't enough to keep him alive. He inhales deeply as staring at Jeno's lips. What is he doing? What is he thinking exactly? He doesn't know but can't stop himself to lean on Jeno's lips. It feels weird and Renjun doesn't know how to move. Their lips are only touching and Renjun is about to pull back. It isn't right since Jeno still have feelings to that boy
"It's always been you"
Jeno's head softly follows Renjun's and presses their lips again. Renjun kisses him back, showing how a kiss was meant to be, though he hardly knows either. He learned fast and he could tell by his heart thumping against to his that he enjoys it, that he responded to it the same way as he does.
When the bell rings they slowly separate,they don't know how long they have been kissing but it felt amazing. Jeno looks up to see Renjun's face,he is panting heavily and his cheeks are flushed,he presses his swollen lips each other and avoiding eye contact. Jeno afraids if he scared Renjun but he kissed him first right?
"I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable"
Jeno looks downn at the floor apologetically but feeling Renjun's hand on his gives him courage to look up the other. He is smiling shyly while holding Jeno's hand tightly
"No no! I was just-"
This time Renjun looks away and clears his throat before looking at Jeno again
"Excited but I liked it. Too much"
Jeno's smile gets bigger and seeing Renjun is turning tomato sends tingles to his heart that he wants to hold Renjun forever and wants to carry him in his pocket
"I liked it too."
***
Renjun feels happy and refreshed. It has been months and spring has come. Cherry blossoms are covering the naked bough of trees and everywhere looks like carte postale
"Sorry I didn't want to make you wait"
Jeno places a chaste kiss on Renjun's left cheek and interwines their fingers quickly while heading to their trip.
"It's okay"
Renjun shows his smile to Jeno and the boy feels the blossoms in his heart
"Now~ ready?"
"You still haven't tell me where are we going"
"Patience"
"I have an annoying boyfriend"
Jeno smiles as seeing Renjun's sulky face and stops to kiss all over his face. He hears Renjun's soft chuckles and places the last kiss on his lips.
"We will be late"
They start to walk again,swinging their intertwined hands between them. Jeno pulls Renjun close to himself,putting his arm on the other's shoulder
"Huang Renjun,you love me "
"I really do"