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The thing is, Shouto wasn't really suicidal. At least, he didn't think so. He was just tired - tired of pretending to be okay, tired of his dad's abuse, tired of the sad expression his mom always wore. He just wanted out, away from it all. And in his young mind, death seemed like the only real way to do that. He had money, sure, but it was all being held hostage by his dad until he was old (brainwashed) enough to be responsible with it. So running away wasn't a real option.
So Shouto snuck out late one night and went to the nearest large body of water, which just so happened to be in a local park.
It's funny; he's going to die at a park, a place kids go to be happy.
He stares at the sparkling water. Slowly, he pulls off his shoes. He knows it's a stupid thing to do, but it just feels right. No one goes swimming with shoes.
Then he puts one foot in the water. It's cold, colder than he expected. He shakes it off and goes to put his second foot in the water, too, when he hears it: the crunch of leaves.
He quickly looks back, and he sees someone - a kid, it seems - standing a few feet away, looking oddly... bored. He has his hands stuffed in his pockets, an eyebrow raised.
"H - " Shouto sneezes, feeling foolish. He clears his throat. "Hello?"
The kid steps closer. "You're Endeavor's son, aren't you?"
Shouto tenses, squints his eyes. He can see the kid's face more clearly now, but he doesn't recognize him. "Who are you?"
Suddenly the kid is even closer, and he's reaching out - Shouto half expects to be pushed, the choice taken from him, but then the kid's hand is on his arm and pulling him out and away from the water. His stares at Shouto, still looking bored. He releases his arm. "Don't be an idiot," he says before turning and walking away.
/
When Todoroki first meets Bakugo, he feels like he's on fire and he has no idea why. He wonders if maybe it has something to do with their quirks being so similar, but he's never heard of anything like that. He thinks about asking one of the teachers, but it seems like such a stupid question he doesn't, so he simply pushes the feeling down and ignores it.
/
Then one day he hears Bakugo and Midoriya fighting. To be fair it's mostly Bakugo who's fighting, Midoriya is just struggling (and failing) to have a conversation with the other boy. Bakugo seems to grow bored of the exchange fairly quickly, so he turns away and glares at Midoriya from over his shoulder.
"Don't be an idiot," he hisses before disappearing from the room.
Todoroki stays sat long after class is over, staring at the top of his desk. He knows that voice - those words, but he doesn't know how. Finally, Midoriya comes back for him, looking concerned. Todoroki assures him he's fine and leaves to go home.
/
When the realization finally hits him, he's in the middle of a fight. It's for class, thankfully, because the realization is so overwhelming and distracting his sparring partner hits him right in the chest and he goes flying back. He grunts, and Aizawa is by his side in seconds, asking if he's okay.
Todoroki dusts off his pants as he gets up. "I'm fine," he says, short. "Can I be excused?"
He never asks for that, so Aizawa says yes immediately and tells him to go to the nurse. Todoroki spares a glance in Bakugo's direction as he's leaving, but the other boy isn't even aware of his departure, too distracted talking to (or more accurately yelling at) Kirishima.
He feels something growing in the pit of his stomach, and it's a terrible, awful feeling.
/
He wants to bring it up, but he doesn't know how.
So he doesn't - not to Bakugo.
"You were friends with Bakugo as a child, right?" Todoroki asks one day while he's at lunch with Midoriya and his - their? - friends.
Midoriya looks surprised by the question. "Yeah," he answers, coughing a bit. "Why?"
Todoroki looks anywhere but at Midoriya. "How... was he as a kid?"
"Oh." Midoriya looks down at his food. "He was... kinda mostly the same, but he wasn't quite as - " he glances over at where Bakugo is eating " - rude?" He sounds uncertain, but he sticks with it.
Uraraka makes a noise that's almost a laugh. "Never would've guessed that."
"Do you think," Todoroki pauses, wetting his lips, "he would've intervened if he saw someone suffering?"
Midoriya gives him a weird look, but he answers. "Yes," he says, sounding confident. "He might've been... rude sometimes, but he always wanted to be a hero." He gives a tiny smile. "Why do you ask?"
Todoroki takes a bite out of his apple, chews slowly while he's thinking. He wants to just come out and say it, but he hesitates. If he tells them about that night, he's telling them about his childhood - about how he truly thought, for just a second, death sounded better.
"Nothing," he swallows, "just curious."
/
It's not a big deal, he tells himself, Bakugo just did a good deed years ago. He's probably forgotten all about it, but Todoroki can't: not anymore. He never really thought about it, but that boy - those words - had saved him that night.
He remembers watching him leave, remembers looking back to the water. All his energy had evaporated just like that. He went home that night and crawled back in bed, and woke up feeling... hopeful for the first time in almost two years.
/
He's paired with Bakugo on a school project, and he's so overwhelmed with that information he doesn't even remember what the project was about.
Bakugo joins him at lunch. "This could be worse," he says, pulling his notebook out and slapping it down on the table.
Todoroki looks up. "What?"
"At least you're smart," Bakugo replies, opening his notebook. "Now let's get this over with."
Todoroki suddenly realizes he's not all that hungry, so he pushes his food away. "Okay," he says, but then pauses, hoping Bakugo will fill in the blanks. He's embarrassed to admit he really doesn't remember what the project was supposed to be about.
"So," Bakugo continues after a few minutes, looking both annoyed and vaguely amused, "who had the biggest impact on you during your childhood?"
Todoroki blinks, the words going through one ear and out the other. He clears his throat. "What?"
Any amusement disappears from Bakugo's face. He sighs, tapping his pencil against the table. "I am not going to repeat myself," he says. "Cause I know damn well you heard me, Half 'n Half."
And he did. He was just... surprised. "What's the point of this project?" He doesn't actually mean to say his question, but he does. Bakugo suddenly looks amused again.
"I'm assuming they expect us all to talk about the heroes who impacted us most as kids, and made us want to be heroes."
Todoroki tries to think - what hero inspired him as a child? But he can't come up with an answer. Honestly... his dad was the one who made him want to be hero, but for all the wrong reasons. Then he remembers crying in his bathroom, wishing for death, the cold night air. He was ready to do it, end it all, but some random kid's words had made him rethink his actions.
"I don't think it was a hero," Todoroki says eventually, making care not to look directly at Bakugo. "Well, he wasn't a hero at the time and he still isn't, but he probably will be."
Bakugo actually looks interested, which is a weird look on him and it makes Todoroki feel like he's under a telescope. He puts his pencil to the paper, nodding. "Well, tell me," he says.
"It was this kid," Todoroki mumbles. "When I was young... much younger, I - "
He stops, unsure how much of this he'd feel comfortable with a teacher reading. He finally looks at Bakugo.
"Can you not... write it?" He asks, and Bakugo looks bewildered with the idea, but he quickly continues. "Just not yet - let me finish first."
Bakugo narrows his eyes, but he drops the pencil. "Okay."
"When I was younger, I didn't have... the best childhood," he decides to skip most of the details, "and eventually I just grew tired." He sighs, staring at his untouched drink. "I wanted everything to end, so I decided to do just that."
He pauses, expecting something from Bakugo but he just nods for him to go on.
Swallowing the nervous lump in his throat, he continues, "and so one night I snuck out and went to the park because it had this really big pond."
Finally, Bakugo's expression shifts like he's thinking really hard but he still doesn't say anything.
"And I was ready to do it, just jump in and... let go, but then I heard this noise and I looked back and this kid was standing there. I still don't know what he was doing out at that hour, but he told me: don't be an idiot." Todoroki pauses, letting out a quick laugh. "I was so surprised cause... who says that to someone about to kill themselves? But I think he saved my life that night and I thought about him a lot. A weird part of me wanted to find him, thank him, but I never saw him again."
He looks up, catches Bakugo's eye.
"Thank you," he says.
Bakugo stares at him, unblinking. "You're that kid," he almost laughs. It's not a question.
Todoroki shrugs. "Do you think that's too heavy for the project?"
"Ah," Bakugo glances down. "Maybe just a little."
/
After that, they hang out more. Maybe they're not best friends suddenly, but Todoroki is a lot more welcomed in their group. And he enjoys it; spending time with Bakugo.
/
"Can I confess something?"
Todoroki is sitting outside with Bakugo, and they're alone for once. Bakugo is the one who breaks the silence.
"Sure," Todoroki replies, glancing over.
"You said you wondered why I'd been in the park that night," Bakugo leans back, staring up at the sky - at the stars. He smiles, but it's somewhat twisted. Todoroki suddenly knows where this is going, and he looks away to give Bakugo some weird form of privacy. "I was planning the same thing as you. I don't even really know why. I didn't even have that bad of a childhood." He laughs, shrugging. "But I was just sad... so much and I was tired of it."
Todoroki isn't sure how Bakugo will react, but he does it anyway; he reaches out, pulling the other boy into a hug. Bakugo is stiff at first, but he slowly relaxes.
"I hate hugs," Bakugo mumbles, but his face is buried in Todoroki's shoulder.
Todoroki laughs. "Me too."