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somethings wrong and taehyung doesn’t know what.
it’s never that bad at first. he finds his hands itching for something to do, his mouth wanting something to chew on. he’s filled to the brim, not with energy but with the need to do something . usually, it’s an easy fix. despite their diets, he can usually find a sweet to suckle on, even if he has to feign a sore throat. as for his hands, he draws and takes photos and taps away.
most of the time, his friends are there to catch him, even if they don’t realise it. his problems are always a “hey, hyung, wanna go for a walk?” or a “jeongguk-ah, let me play” away from being solved. but then people are busy, and he can’t focus on saving himself.
it starts like this.
jimin has been his roommate for as long as he can remember, so it’s safe to say taehyung has a pretty bad memory. jimin is his best friend and they would do anything for each other. but jimin has a job interview coming up, so he’s stress-dancing, which means he’s also working himself to the bone for his solo performance that’s happening in a month. jimin is very busy, and busy people sometimes become oblivious to the struggle of those around them. it’s not his fault but it is what it is.
so taehyung turns to hoseok, their other roommate. hoseokie-hyung is also nice and kind and always manages to perfectly fulfil taehyung’s needs without even realising. despite their closeness, there are some things that taehyung doesn’t like talking about, with mental illness being one of them. still, he’s surprised at hoseok’s patience when it comes to him, and is shocked to find that he hasn’t caught on to taehyung’s almost obvious issues. he supposes he isn’t as transparent as he thought.
he’s not really surprised to see how stressed hoseok is, though, when he knocks on his door. it swings open after a few seconds and a faint cry of ‘gimmie a minute!’. so taehyung patiently waits, thumbs twiddling, chewing on his lower lip. when hoseok opens up, taehyung can see the stress almost etched into him: his messy hair; the rushed, days-old, creased outfit; the funny look on his face that only seems to go away with sleep.
“oh, taehyung!” hoseok still says, his voice cheery. “did you need something?”
taehyung bites his tongue. it’s not that bad yet. he can wait until hoseok and jimin and everyone is okay. taehyung bites his tongue, and lies through his teeth.
“no!” he says, plastering on a small grin. “you sounded stressed and i was just about to grab ice cream. i was wondering whether you wanted to come?”
hoseok’s face twists with regret. “ah, taehyungie, i would but i’ve been so busy…”
“it’s okay, hyung.” he says. “what flavour do you want? i’ll grab some for you.”
when he returns from his walk— that stretched on way longer than the twenty minutes it was supposed to be— he places the strawberry ice cream (hoseok’s favourite) into the freezer. then, he goes to bed at four in the afternoon, for lack of anything better to do.
the next day isn’t better.
he tries jeongguk this time. he’s studying. everyone knows not to interrupt a serious jeongguk, because when he studies it is serious . his level of focus is something foreign even to taehyung, which is saying a lot.
taehyung takes one step into the library, which was where the snap chat maps said he was, and steps back out again.
no point in trying if it’s only going to hurt, right?
his last resorts are always the eldest three of their group.
seokjin is busy, juggling jobs and studies, along with being the adopted caretaker for the group. there isn’t a day gone by where he hasn’t cooked a meal for someone, though it’s usually for his two flatmates, who’s cooking is scary enough that he’s almost forced to.
namjoon works hard too. out of everyone here, his job is the most mentally stimulating, where he’s constantly forced to talk to people. now, it wouldn’t usually bother taehyung; he’s a good talker! but once he had decided to visit namjoon while he was on the job, and he’s never heard so many languages and so much technical jargon spoken so quickly in the shortest amount of time. just being there for a second longer could have caused a mental breakdown. every day, he prays for namjoon’s survival.
and finally, there’s yoongi.
yoongi is different.
jimin is his best friend but yoongi is something . yoongi’s door is always open, no matter what. if he’s asleep; if he’s working; if he’s busy. continually, he’s made it clear that taehyung is more important than all that.
maybe it’s because he understands taehyung’s struggles. neither of them are the most neurotypical people, even if they struggle from different things. yoongi is the only person he knows that understands the sensory stuff.
yoongi will send an ASMR video that popped up in his recommendations, because he sees it and is reminded of taehyung’s fascination with the crunch! food makes when you bite into it. he’ll forward an instagram video of someone using watercolours as a soft song plays in the background. he’ll message taehyung with a “come to the studio, i wanna see whether you like this” whenever he notices taehyung has been a little quiet, a little distant.
no one else understands quite the way yoongi does.
in a way, it’s special. just them.
it ends like this.
taehyung has talked to everyone. jeongguk, jimin, and hoseok are preoccupied; namjoon and seokjin are working too hard. yoongi is busy and taehyung hates to interrupt, but it’s so much easier when he doesn’t have to initiate.
“oh, you’re here,” yoongi says as greeting; it’s an Up day today. “sit down, sit down; aish, taehyungie, don’t spill the drinks.”
taehyung has learnt that this is yoongi-hyung’s version of excitement.
“you’re rushing me, you’re rushing me.”
“you have to listen to this.”
yoongi presses play before leaning back in his chair, accepting the drink when taehyung hands it to him. taehyung listens carefully, ready to pick of features that he can compliment once it’s over. he finds that it’s all perfect, though (as always), so it isn’t terribly difficult.
the song is wordless, a piano melody with percussion and violins. yoongi has been making a lot of music like this recently, and taehyung refuses to believe it’s because of an offhand compliment he gave once. it’s weird, though, because taehyung seems to be the only one who hears it.
the song comes to a close and taehyung is still awe-struck.
“you like it, taehyung-ah?” yoongi asks, staring.
“of course, hyung.” taehyung replies, blinking slowly. “it’s very… indescribable-” yoongi’s face seems to fall, but not by much; taehyung notices- “it’s not a bad thing! it’s good, it’s light, but it’s heavy like a bag at an airport, and it makes my heart hurt.”
“you’d listen to it?” yoongi asks. “i mean, to calm you down.”
“i’d listen to all your songs. i thought we’d been over this?”
“i thought you were just saying that.” yoongi admits. “never thought this type of stuff was your thing.”
“there’s lots you don’t know, then, hyung.” taehyung grins.
“i guess it means i should find it out.”