Chapter Text
The television was on when Myungjun arrived home, casting a glow over the otherwise dark living room. Some old sitcom was playing, with clothes that Myungjun loved and Dongmin detested. Myungjun smirked as he deposited his briefcase on a nearby table and tossed his keys in their designated “key bowl.”
He and Dongmin were a couple filled to the brim with differences. Whereas Dongmin liked to write and read, Myungjun focused on his career in interior design. Whereas Dongmin set plans and followed through with them, Myungjun liked spontaneity.
And, whereas Dongmin hated retro clothing, Myungjun adored such a style.
Their differences had been weird at first. Neither one thought the relationship would work out. “We’re too different,” Dongmin had stated, staring mournfully over at Myungjun. “Most couples build a relationship from similarities.”
“We’ll be an odd couple,” Myungjun responded. “We’ll build a relationship out of our differences! Besides, I would hate to date someone exactly like myself - I’d get too frustrated.”
Myungjun had urged and urged and Dongmin relented. Five years later, Myungjun found he was still just as happy as he always had been.
He would get home from work later than usual now. He had taken on the task of helping to design a large apartment complex, and the workload was immense. Sometimes, he would glance up from his computer only to realize he had several missed calls from Dongmin and the time was after midnight.
Tonight had been one of those nights.
Dongmin, it seemed, had waited for him in the living room, in front of the television. He was sleeping now, body sprawled out uncomfortably across the couch, and Myungjun admired him for a few seconds.
Sometimes, he was in awe of Dongmin. The man was perfection. During their college days, Dongmin had been the receiver of many confessions. Girls, especially, adored him. They said his skin was so clear and his eyes were so bright and his smile was so blinding.
Myungjun had been a little shallow at first, too. He had been intrigued by Dongmin’s exceedingly good looks. A man like that must have some sins, Myungjun had explained to his best friend, Jinwoo.
Sure enough, Dongmin had plenty of sins. He had a short temper, he was too much of a perfectionist, and he had an unfortunate lack of humility.
Myungjun liked a man who was imperfect, and so Myungjun soon grew to like Dongmin.
They went on several dates and not one thing clicked for them. Dongmin always enjoyed the opposite of what Myungjun enjoyed. Typically, for a date to become a relationship, Myungjun liked to have compatibility, but with Dongmin, compatibility did not exist. They weren’t right for each other, so everyone claimed.
To that, Myungjun just tried harder.
He was in love with Dongmin. He cared little as to what everyone else said; he knew he and Dongmin could be in love without being compatible. He knew a relationship would work.
Now here they were, both working fantastic jobs and living a fantastic life. They could come home to each other at the end of each day. They could fall asleep in each others’ embrace.
Myungjun smiled as he crept into the living room, moving softly so as to not wake his sleeping boyfriend.
Once he neared the couch, he knelt down and traced over Dongmin’s facial features with his eyes. He was so handsome, as he always had been, and Myungjun wondered, not for the first time, why me?
Dongmin had always responded to that with, because you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen in my life .
It made Myungjun feel special. It made Myungjun feel important. On days when he was certain he was ugly and disgusting, Dongmin made sure to shower him with so many compliments that Myungjun soon could not stop grinning.
Dongmin loved him , and Myungjun knew that would never change.
He gently tapped his boyfriend’s form. “Wake up, sleepy-head,” he murmured. When Dongmin did not move, Myungjun shook him. “Minnie, babe, come on.”
Dongmin groaned and blinked his eyes open. He took a second to focus, but when he caught sight of Myungjun, he smiled. “You’re home.”
“Sorry I’m late,” Myungjun apologized. He pouted, leaning in closer to Dongmin. “I wasn’t keeping watch on the times. Your Junnie is overworking himself.”
“Don’t do that,” Dongmin chastised. He kissed Myungjun’s pout away, and once Myungjun brightened up, he added, “I miss you. We hardly see each other anymore with this workload you have.”
Myungjun sighed. He tugged Dongmin up from the couch so they could retreat to their bedroom together. “I know,” he admitted. “I didn’t expect this client to be so difficult and picky, though. They keep changing their mind without telling me, and I have to scramble to fix things. It sucks. I wish I could be home at my regular time.” He wrapped an arm around Dongmin’s waist as they meandered down the hallway. “Once I’m done with this job, I won’t take on anymore complex buildings. Promise.”
“I’ll hold you to that,” Dongmin murmured. He leaned over to kiss the top of Myungjun’s head. “It’s just so lonely here without you.”
“Poor baby,” Myungjun teased, pinching at Dongmin’s cheek. “You’re all alone here with your writings and thoughts, aren’t you?” When Dongmin nodded, Myungjun asked, “How is your book going? Made any progress on it yet?”
“A lot, actually,” Dongmin replied. He smiled over at Myungjun. “I’ll have to let you read more of it tomorrow, when you get off work. It’s going very well, and I think my editor is pleased with all the work I’ve been putting into it. He keeps praising each chapter! I think I’ll be able to publish it soon.”
Myungjun cheered. “Then it will become a best-seller!” he exclaimed. “And we can move into a house instead of an apartment and we’ll be comfortable for the rest of our lives!”
“Hopefully,” Dongmin said. He giggled and kissed Myungjun again. “For now, though, I’m ready to sleep next to my adorable and talented boyfriend.”
“I’m not nearly as talented as-”
Dongmin shut him up with one last kiss. Myungjun allowed himself to be quieted if only because he liked Dongmin’s kisses and Dongmin’s affection and being told that he did have talent.
He liked Dongmin, and he decided they were a couple fated to be together. He didn’t think he could live apart from Dongmin.
************
He saw Jinwoo seated at their usual spot near their favorite food vendor, already nursing a bottle of soju (with plenty more to likely come). Myungjun hurried forward, raising a hand to wave at another patron he recognized, before plopping down in the plastic chair across from Jinwoo.
Jinwoo glanced up at him and smiled. “Good evening, Myungjun.”
“Just pour me a drink,” Myungjun demanded.
“Sure.” Jinwoo poured for Myungjun, but then called out, “Ma’am, can we have two more bottles of soju and some kimchi dumplings?”
A lady nearby confirmed the request, and Jinwoo turned his attention to Myungjun as their food was being prepared. “So, was the date bad?”
Myungjun nodded his head and sighed heavily, his breath releasing in a little cloud. It was chilly outside, and he moved to tug some gloves on his hands. “So we met at this cute noodle shop. It’s a place for couples to go, I’ve heard, so I got us a nice table. He showed up and I guess he’s sort of attractive, but you know I have really high tastes.”
Jinwoo pursed his lips. “I mean, you got Dongmin , so I assume your tastes are really high.”
“Ugh, don’t mention Dongmin’s name right now. Erase him from existence for the moment.”
Jinwoo waved a hand through the air, and when he noticed Myungjun’s confusion, he stated, “I’ve erased him.”
“Oh. Good.” Myungjun fell silent as the food arrived, and he quickly grabbed one of the dumplings to bite into. It was warm and spicy and rich, and he hummed in appreciation before Jinwoo snapped his fingers.
“Focus, Myungjun. Other than this man being ugly, what else was wrong?”
Myungjun rolled his eyes. He had to swallow his food to respond. “He wasn’t ugly . Just not as attractive as I would normally go for. Anyway, he showed up and I guess he was nice enough, but when I told him what I’m doing for my career, he scoffed. He scoffed at me, Jinwoo.”
“So you said.”
“And I asked him what his deal was, and he said that if I had gone into architecture and design in college, I should’ve chosen a job with more money, like engineer or something. He said he hated men who chose the easy path.”
“Ouch.”
“It was humiliating! I told him I enjoyed my job and he said, I bet the cooks in the back like their job, too, but they get paid next to nothing so is it worth it? ” Myungjun huffed and downed his soju quickly. “I was so pissed I told him he should go find himself an engineer, and I stormed off.”
Jinwoo poured him another glass. “Good for you,” he said. “He shouldn’t treat you like that. He should respect your decision to go into interior design. It’s an awesome job, Myungjun, so just ignore jerks who tell you otherwise.”
“I know,” Myungjun murmured. He hesitated before drinking the second glass of soju, then he admitted, “I just feel...mad. And sad. And lonely. And worthless. None of these first dates I’ve gone on have panned out. Some of the guys were too boring or too obnoxious, and this one was just...insulting. Am I destined to be all by myself? Is this my fate?”
Jinwoo watched him for a second or two. “I think you just need to keep looking around for the right guy.”
“It’s such a hassle, though. It’s exhausting.” Myungjun ate his dumpling and then leaned back further in his chair. “I just want the right guy to plop down in front of me.”
Silence fell between the two of them. Jinwoo looked to be contemplating his next move, his next choice of words. “I know you said not to bring up Dongmin,” he mumbled, “but didn’t you and Dongmin have a rough patch before you started dating?”
“I really don’t want to discuss Dongmin. He’s a bastard. He cheated on me and now he’s probably off making millions with his stupid editor. God, I wish I would’ve beaten them both up. I wish I could’ve kicked Dongmin’s ass instead of just…” Myungjun tightened his lips. “I don’t...want to talk about Dongmin.”
“Right.” Jinwoo smiled apologetically and made certain that Myungjun’s soju glass was filled. “His name is erased once more. Let’s forget about him and forget about your date and we’ll just drink into a stupor instead, alright?”
Myungjun very much liked that idea. Alcohol was handy in lightening the mood and forgetting things that were weighing too heavily on his mind. The food was delicious, as well, for such a cold night, and soon enough, Myungjun was laughing and giggling with Jinwoo as if he had naught a care in the world.
Jinwoo drank far less than Myungjun, as per usual, and he was in charge of making sure they both got home safe, as per usual. He walked down the street with his arm wrapped around Myungjun’s waist, keeping a reign on him and ensuring that he didn’t accidentally stumble out into the street.
“I’m happy you’re my friend, Jinwoo!” Myungjun exclaimed, planting a big, wet kiss onto Jinwoo’s cheek. “You’re just the best friend I could ever ask for!”
“That’s good,” Jinwoo replied. He wiped at his cheek in disgust, but Myungjun hardly noticed, far more interested in singing loudly to the stars that hung from the night sky.
As they turned the corner, though, Myungjun’s mood turned sour.
The bookstore Myungjun was so used to seeing had become a source of evil, for they were now promoting Dongmin’s book. It was a bestseller and they wanted people to know, so Dongmin’s face had been plastered on libraries and stores all across the nation. Meet the young author of Sorrow! the sign below Dongmin read. A fascinating book of love and loss and learning to live with sorrow deep within your heart.
“Jinwoo?” Myungjun whispered, pulling Jinwoo to a stop.
“Hm?”
“That’s... Dongmin .”
Jinwoo caught sight of the advertisement as well and he cursed. “Of course they’d put a giant picture of his face up there,” he mumbled. “It’s not as if everywhere else has his face to advertise for the books.”
Myungjun swallowed thickly. He couldn’t believe he was still haunted with images of his ex-boyfriend. He couldn’t believe this was how the universe chose to torture him.
“Let’s go in,” he decided. “They’re still opened.”
“Let’s not .” Jinwoo tugged at Myungjun’s arm. “You’re just going to get upset if you go in and look.”
“I want to. Come on.” Myungjun was strong, even more so when he was determined and drunk, and he forced Jinwoo to follow him inside the bookstore, where he made a beeline for the fiction section of the store.
There were many copies of Dongmin’s book. They lined a shelf, awaiting Dongmin’s upcoming meet-and-greet. Myungjun could see a few blank spaces where people likely already bought the book, and he, too, took one down to look at it.
It was pretty, and had Myungjun still been together with Dongmin, he would have boasted about his boyfriend’s talent for the entire world to hear. As it were, his heart felt like it was ripped into pieces being reminded of Dongmin’s betrayal again.
Still, he refused to let it show. Even as his lips quivered and his eyes filled with tears, he whispered, “I’m going to buy it.”
“Why?”
Myungjun had no explanation for his actions. He just felt a need to buy it, to return to the normalcy of his life before. He would’ve bought a hundred copies of Dongmin’s book, and he would’ve kept them within his sight at all times.
Or, he would’ve if he hadn’t found Dongmin laying in bed with his editor.
After paying for the book, Myungjun stumbled outside, Jinwoo close behind him. He felt sick to his stomach. He felt dizzy. He didn’t know if it was the alcohol sloshing around in him or the book he held in his hands that made him feel so sick.
“Why did you buy that, Myungjun?” asked Jinwoo. “You don’t need to look at it. It’s just a reminder of how he treated you.”
Myungjun shrugged his shoulders uselessly. He stared down at the book. It was so pretty and Myungjun abhorred it.
His phone rang, but Myungjun made no move to answer. It was Jinwoo who sighed and dug it out of his pocket.
“I don’t know this number,” Jinwoo said. “Should I answer it?”
“Sure,” Myungjun replied, flipping through the book. He hadn’t read past chapter seven. He didn’t know what the climax turned out to be. He didn’t know how it ended. He wished he knew, and he wished it was awful and terrible. He could leave nasty reviews on websites if it was bad.
Jinwoo, beside him, answered the phone. “Hello?” he greeted.
Then his face turned stark.
“He can’t talk to you right now. How the hell did you get his number anyway? He’s changed it - I don’t care if you need him, he doesn’t need you. Get out of his life.”
The anger in Jinwoo’s tone and the stiff stance he took tipped Myungjun off as to who it might be.
Dongmin .
Dongmin was on the other end, apparently begging to speak to Myungjun. In his drunken state, Myungjun thought of Dongmin apologizing to him, of Dongmin confessing his love again, of Dongmin explaining his horrid actions that one night. Why else would he call so late, anyway?
Why else would he call at all?
Myungjun grabbed the phone. “Give it,” he ordered.
“I know you don’t want to talk to him. I know you’ll regret it-”
“Give it! ” Myungjun snatched his phone out of Jinwoo’s hands and held it up to his ear. “Dongmin?”
Dongmin faltered. “Myungjun. Hi.”
Pleasant. Polite. Professional.
Devoid of love.
Myungjun felt even more sick.
“Look, I know this is weird and we promised not to speak to each other, but I...need some help. Please.”
Dongmin sounded tired. He sounded defeated. Myungjun longed to be with him again. He was fueled by alcohol, and so he nodded his head with enthusiasm. “Sure. Sure. Of course. Sure, Dongmin.”
He thought of Dongmin leaving his stupid editor. He thought of Dongmin hugging him. He thought of going to that Catholic church and making Dongmin confess his sins and swear before God that he would only love Myungjun from that moment forth.
Dongmin just had to ask him to come back, and Myungjun willingly would.
“So, um...apparently, a few things got lost in, um...well, some things were miscommunicated to my family. Or...okay, it is my fault. I never quite got around to telling them that...that you and I had broken up.”
Myungjun looked down at the book. He stared at the title. Sorrow . It was fitting for Myungjun’s emotions. It had been fitting since the moment Myungjun found that shirtless man in his bed, in his spot, with Dongmin beside him.
“Oh,” said Myungjun. He glanced at Jinwoo and mouthed help me .
Jinwoo couldn’t seem to decipher Myungjun’s desperate attempts to get off the phone, and Dongmin continued to speak.
“And I’m visiting them next week for Seollal. And...so I might have told them that you could come. In my defense, my grandmother is very old. This is probably her last year. You know that. She likes you, and she wants to see you and I...can you please just come and pretend to date me for the week? After that, I swear I’ll leave you alone forever.”
Myungjun’s hand felt clammy around the phone. He wanted to hang up. He wanted to say no, and to blast Dongmin for even asking. He wanted to fuss and yell and scream at how unfair this request was.
But he held onto that small sliver of drunken hope that perhaps Dongmin still wanted him back, so he said, “Alright.”
“Really?” Dongmin sounded relieved. “Great! I’ll text you all the details and information. Just be packed and ready to go on Monday and I’ll come pick you up. You’re staying with Jinwoo still, right?”
Myungjun bit down on his lip. “Yeah.”
“Okay, I know where that is! Thank you so much, Myungjun, this really does mean a lot to me. My grandmother will be very happy.”
He hung up then. No goodbye , no sleep well , no I love you, Junnie .
Pleasant. Polite. Professional.
That’s all their relationship had become.
Myungjun pocketed his phone again and met Jinwoo’s suspicious gaze. “What did he want?” Jinwoo questioned.
Myungjun felt tears spring to his eyes and he held out the book.
“Can we burn this damn thing?”