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- Come on, man, come on…
Buck’s whispering to himself while turning the key in the lock. It’s already dark outside, only faint bits of light peek through the window. The shift that just ended wasn’t tough in any way, just a calm day in the depot, yet he feels tired. Soft steps carry through the hallway like a sound of loneliness, giving him a crystal clear sign – you have no one to come home to, Buck (and you hate it). He glances at the clock: red dots show 9pm. He’s well aware of his unability to do something productive tonight, so he quickly makes a three-step plan: take a shower, eat that goddamn sandwich that he left in the fridge this morning and see what happens next.
It takes him exactly 20 minutes to accomplish the two out of three steps and 10 seconds to accomplish the last one.
- Let’s see what we have here.
He says loud as he chooses what playlist to play on Spotify. Pop? No, it just doesn’t feel right today. Rap? Nah, it’s for the gym. Maybe love jams? Yep, that’s about right. He goes with the first playlist, hoping it’ll soothe his soul somehow.
„Out of an unknown place
Kinda like left field
You came in my life and helped me heal
Just in the nick of time
When I lacked the will to keep on moving on”
A warm, feminine voice flows through Buck’s head as he lays flat on the floor, keeping his gaze focused on the ceiling. His mind is racing, giving him no room for rest. Abby’s absence still hurts, Eddie’s presence messes with his feelings and nothing seems to be in the right place.
- Fuck…
Is this an emotional crisis? Could be. He’s still stuck between something that he lost and something that he wishes he had. He can’t go back and he can’t move on. It’s just frustrating when you can’t control basic aspects of your life.
He focuses attention on Eddie. That man has earned his trust and to his misfortune, also his heart. He’s rather quiet, calm as a perfectly smooth sea sheet, devoted to people he trusts and loves but at the same time he’s like a chamber – an unknown territory with many unidentified secrets. Those qualities combined with Eddie’s overall presence makes Buck want to scream (he’ll never admit it though).
He’s falling for that man and he knows it. They’re two different people but he feels like they’re Yin and Yang – completing and connecting with each other in some involved ways. He’s never felt like that before. He’s eager to explore the feeling yet he knows he just can’t. That’s not how it works.
- Buck, I know you’re here man
He’s lost in thoughts to the point where knocking on the door is almost inaudible but he manages to clear his mind for a moment and open the door.
- Should I purchase a new Iphone for you to start answering the phone, hm? Buck?
- Um…Sorry man, I was distracted by..
- A spotify playlist…Well, now I won’t leave this place unless you show me what’s so astonishing about it.
- Fucker…
- Hey, watch your potty mouth, Mr. Buckley!
“No I don't wanna fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)”
- Okay…Do you want to talk about it? Is it about Abby?
- NO! I mean, no, I’m slowly letting this go but it’s not about that.
- You got me worried here…
- I’m sorry man, I can’t tell you.
- I know.
- What?
- I just know. And if you’re not ready to talk about it, it’s fine but I want you to know that I know.
Buck just snuggles close and puts his head on Eddie’s shoulder, feeling no need for words.