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English
Series:
Part 3 of Love Me Good (Oh, Daddy)
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Published:
2019-01-24
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2,611
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1/1
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Not Really a Misanthrope

Summary:

Sometimes, Darcy really hates people. I mean really, really hates people.

Or, how Jarvis learned "I hate people" was Darcy's code for "Help"

Notes:

I mean, you could maybe rate this T for Darcy's liberal use of curse words in one scene.

My twins phone unlocked this morning when she said "I hate people" and she challenged me to write a story around that. Then this happened.

Work Text:

“I hate people!” Darcy growled out loud as she threw down the receiver of her desk phone. She’d been trying to secure funding for a new building that would help the underserved communities around the tower, but other charities had hit up all her regular donors before she could reach them, leaving their donation budgets dry. Her job as head of the Avengers Charity Foundation gave her fulfillment that she knew she never would have gotten from continuing to work in Jane’s lab, but she had to admit a lot of the time it just stressed her out.

“To be clear, Ma’am, you’re saying you hate people because they have chosen to give to other charitable organizations, thus helping others out instead of your own cause?” Jarvis asked from the speakers in her office.

“Ugh,” she groaned, “How many times do I have to tell you not to call me ‘ma’am’, Jarvis? I mean it! And when you put it that way,” she paused to consider her next words. “Yes! I still hate people, Jarvis. I like my cause better and I want their money!”

“Would you like me to call Sir?”

“No,” Darcy replied, shaking her head. “As much as I’d love to see Tony right now, he’ll just offer to fund the whole project to make me happy, but that’s not how this is supposed to work. I’ll be fine, thanks for checking in J.” Darcy took a moment to collect herself before checking her spreadsheet to see who was next on her list of calls. Moments later the phone was slammed down into the cradle again, Darcy huffing out an annoyed sound while holding her head in her hands. Jarvis stayed quiet and she silently thanked him for knowing when to butt out of a situation.

Until the door to her office opened and Tony waltzed in with a ridiculous green shake. The door closed softly behind him and he made his way to Darcy’s side in a few quick strides. “Hey there, Baby Girl, what’s up?” he asked, far too casually.

Darcy glared at her surroundings, “I told Jarvis not to summon you.”

“Yes,” Tony said, crouching in front of Darcy’s chair to hold her hands in his, “And he’s my AI so he mostly listens to what I say over others and I asked him to let me know if you ever got overwhelmed with things here.”

“Touche,” Darcy replied, leaning forward into Tony’s space to capture his lips with hers. “Ew, you taste green,” she wrinkled her nose at the direction of his smoothie.

“I don’t just taste green, Kid,” Tony winked at her, “I hear you’re having money woes?”

“The point of a charity is not supposed to be that the members of the board fund all of the charitable works, Tony. You know this.”

“I don’t fund all of the charitable works for ACF. The bricklayers union sponsored the angel tree last Christmas, Darcy.”

Darcy pursed her lips, “You know exactly what I’m talking about, Tony. Don’t try and be cute with me.”

“Aww, Baby Girl,” he said clutching a hand to his chest, “Don’t tell me I actually have to try being cute now? I thought I pulled that off naturally.” When Darcy quirked an eyebrow at him without responding he continued, “C’mon, Darce. Let me take care of this for you, making you happy makes me happy.”

“Ugh, fine, just shut up and kiss me already you sap.”


Darcy had been awake the entire night before working hard to coordinate relief efforts for the people trapped in the basement of a Manhattan building that had crumpled after the attack on New York that happened that afternoon. This was what her charity organization was for - helping the innocent victims of the Avenger’s necessary destruction and she took the job very seriously. Still, on hour 27 of being awake, she was in dire need of a liter of coffee and a 5-hour energy.

Rounding into the community kitchen, she made a beeline for the coffee pot, pulling out the carafe only to see the burner had been left on and there was a thick sludge of burnt coffee resting at the bottom of the pot.

“I HATE PEOPLE!!!” She may have possibly yelled a touch too loud upon seeing (and smelling) the disaster of a coffee pot.

There was a soft chime from overhead, Jarvis peeking in on her, “Might I suggest the cleaner that is kept under the sink, Miss Lewis?”

“Yes, Jarvis, I’m well aware of where the cleaner is, thanks,” she said snippily as she bent down to retrieve it. “I’m just pissed that in this godforsaken high-tech tower we don’t have a robot that knows to turn off the god damned coffee pot after it’s been on for over two hours. The smartest minds in the country are in this building, Jarvis, and the coffee? STILL GETS BURNT!”

By the time Darcy had finished her rant the coffee carafe was sparkling clean and waiting under the brewer. She opened the cabinet where the fresh beans were kept and stood on her tip toes to reach the top shelf only to find it completely barren.

“Jarvis?”

“Yes, Miss Lewis?”

“Just to be perfectly fucking clear right now - I fucking HATE PEOPLE!” Darcy let out as she slammed the empty cabinet closed. “What floor has the closest, freshest coffee, J?”

Someone cleared their throat behind her, “This one,” Tony replied as he handed over an over-large coffee tumbler filled with piping hot liquid. “J said you could use some but from the sounds of the yelling I heard, I’m not sure if you need more coffee or just a very long nap.”

“No time for sleep,” Darcy said as she took a large gulp of the coffee and grimaced as the hot liquid hit the back of her throat.

“Let it cool off some, Baby Girl. Can’t have your tongue burning, I like it too much,” he winked. “What’s the building situation?” he asked as he moved to stand next to her, one arm wrapped around her waist, cupping her elbow in his hand as he slowly guided her out of the kitchen.

“Fire department is there, they’ve got cranes moving the rubble. They expect everyone to be out within the hour,” Darcy reported monotone, her feet following in Tony’s lead without even considering where he may be leading her.

“Oh, good,” Tony smiled as he called the elevator, “That means I can take you home and put you to bed.”

“Not so fast, Tony,” she said even as she stepped into the waiting elevator and faced him, “I have to make sure anyone with injuries is taken care of and-”

“And you have a whole team of people who can do that for you, Kid. You need to rest, you’re going to miss something if you don’t.”

“But-”

“Darcy.” His tone had firmed up, settling into the commanding tone he only used with her when she was being especially petulant. “You are too tired, you need a break. Watkins can handle the rest of the relief efforts, but you are going to bed.” He took the steaming mug of coffee from her hands before she could take another sip of it. “And you are going to let me take care of you.”

Darcy knew that was it, the word was final now. “Okay, Daddy,” she said softly, her eyes cast down to the floor. “Can I at least call Watkins from the room and let him know what to focus on?”

“You get 5 minutes, and then it’s bedtime,” he said as he shepherded her down the hallway to their bedroom. “No-”

“I won’t complain, I promise,” Darcy said sincerely as she pulled up the contact she needed and quickly began to run down the list of remaining things that needed to be covered. When Tony raised his eyebrows at her and motioned towards his wrist she nodded, “Hey, Sean, I gotta go. Thanks for taking care of this for me.” Tony had her tucked in and asleep in minutes.

 

The next day when she went down to the community kitchen she noticed a new coffee machine sitting on the counter. Large letters on the front read: “AUTO SHUT-OFF FEATURE”. Darcy grinned.


“So let me get this straight,” Darcy said, her calm voice doing nothing to hide the rage she was feeling inside. “You’ve had the building permits signed and ready to go for two weeks and you didn’t call and tell me I could begin construction because you just happened to forget?”

There was a muffled voice on the other end of the phone that Darcy was rolling her eyes out. “Right, no, I understand that mistakes happen, definitely. It’s just that this particular mistake is going to end up costing my charity $10,000, or more, in housing fees for people while you continue to delay rebuilding their apartments.”

There was more speaking on the other end of the line, “Yes, okay. You go ahead and do that and just let me know what your head contractor says about making up for those two weeks that you weren’t building for me.” Darcy disconnected the line with a heavy sigh and a thunk of the handset.

“Let me guess,” Jarvis chimed in almost immediately, “You hate people?”

“YES!” Darcy cried out, her hands in the air as she gesticulated wildly. “Don’t these idiots realize they’re inconveniencing real people? People, who need to have a home to go back to? That was destroyed by Dr. Dooms robots of the day? Do I really need to go on here?”

“No, Miss Lewis. Should I call Sir?”

Darcy sighed, “No, J. I can handle my problems myself, I don’t need Tony to solve them.”

“I would not be calling him to help resolve your current predicament unless of course, that predicament was you being unhappy. That is when Sir has requested I alert him and there is really only so long I can ignore his wishes in favor of your own.”

“Is this your way of telling me that you’re tattling, Jarvis?” She asked, her forehead resting on her desktop while she grumbled.

“Not yet, Miss Lewis.” There was a soft chime indicating that Jarvis was no longer observing her and Darcy picked up her head and resumed her work only partially wishing she’d let Jarvis call in Tony for a distraction.

 


Darcy had been patiently waiting for the 24th for three weeks now. At 7:34 pm on the 24th, she and Tony will have been together for an entire year, officially her longest relationship by 24 hours. Her stupid high-school boyfriend broke up with her one day before their anniversary and she would never forget how heartbroken she’d been that she hadn’t even made it a year with him. Others would frequently tell her 364 days was just as good as 365 and she should count it, but Darcy was stubborn and 364 days did not a year make.

Tony was the first one to understand. “That’s okay, Kid,” he had whispered to her when she confessed the secret to him 5 months in, one of his hands tracing patterns on her bare back as she lay across his chest. “When we get to our first anniversary I’ll do it up big, just for you. A real celebration.”

“You don’t have to do that, Daddy. Just being with you will be enough,” she smiled and he could feel the grin against his own skin.

“Of course I have to do it, Baby Girl. I’ll get to take my beautiful girl out on the town, show her things she’d never get to see otherwise. Teach her things she’d never know,” he added with one eyebrow quirked up as his hand made to grab at her ass. “Watch this whole town be jealous of what I have that they cannot get. It’ll be a treat for us both.” Darcy had liked the sound of that, but she liked the feel of him gripping her ass even more and she immediately let him know.

Seven months and 3 days later she was sitting on their couch dressed to the nines and watching along on television as terrorists took over a DC subway station.

“I hate people, Jarvis. I hate them so much right now,” Darcy said as she kicked off the heeled shoes and tucked her legs up under her dress. There was a negotiator on scene talking to the men who had taken over the station. Up in the sky behind the reporters, Darcy could just make out the shape of Iron Man above the roof to check for any sneaky entrances and she knew the rest of the team was on the ground somewhere trying to get the hostages out safely.

She sat quietly then, eyes staring straight forward as the clock above the fireplace ticked closer to 7 and the Avengers and co were still on the scene in DC. There was still time for Tony to make it back, the flight from DC didn’t take long in the suit, she knew, but as the minutes ticked by she got increasingly more concerned that he’d miss their date. Tony would make it up to her - in spades, she was sure - but it still felt like a crushing blow to know she’d miss her first real anniversary.

At 7 there was still no sign of relief for the hostages and Darcy’s thumbnail had been bitten down to the quick in her worry about the evening. At 7:15 a few slow tears leaked from her eyes, nothing overwhelming, just a small show of the emotion she was feeling. By 7:28 she was all out crying, her face red and splotchy while she hugged a throw pillow to her chest. “I hate,” she cried out on a shaky inhale.

“People?” Tony’s voice finished from her, a little tinny but still distinct. Darcy nearly jumped off the couch at the sound of his voice before glancing down and seeing the image of his face on her phone screen.

“I was going to go with terrorists this time,” Darcy sniffed, “But I’ll accept your substitution. How?”

A soft chime came from above, “I do hope you’ll forgive me, Miss Lewis.”

“Just this once,” Darcy sniffed as she held the phone up so Tony could see her face. “Where are you?”

“Almost home, Baby Girl,” Tony smiled. “Dry your eyes, did you think I’d forget our big plans?”

“No! Of course not, I just,” she took a shaky breath, “I just know you can’t help it when you get a call out and I was really looking forward to tonight.”

“Hey,” Tony said softly, his eyes briefly flickering off center before coming back to meet Darcy’s clear ones. “What did I just say? I’m almost home, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s-”

The front door to their apartment clicked opened at the same time Darcy’s phone screen turned off. “It’s 7:34 pm on the 24th and we’ve been together for one year,” Tony finished for her, his suit retreating from his body as he stepped forward into the living room.

“Daddy!” Darcy cried as she jumped off the couch and ran to his arms, “You made it!”

“Of course I made it, Baby Girl. Do you think I’d miss our big date? Why don’t you go wash your face while I get changed out of these clothes and then we’ll hit the town?”

“Okay,” Darcy agreed easily. “Hey, Tony?” she asked a moment later.

“Yeah, Kid?”

“I may hate people, but I really love you.”

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