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It was snowing lightly and the pools of water on the dark stone roads were covered by a thin layer of ice, but in the main chambers of Winterfell, it’s always warm. They were mother and father’s chambers, Sansa thought, never supposed to be hers. But life doesn’t always go how it is supposed to.
One time she might have wished to get away from Winterfell, marry, be the Queen. Today looking out the small window she felt closer to being a Queen than she ever did in Kings Landing when she was betrothed to Joffrey. She felt that this castle was hers, the North was hers, hers to protect and lead against everything that lays to the South and to the North. It was her place, her people needed help to rebuild the damage, Jon needed her and she could actually do something of importance, not to be just a face in the court, not to play games with power-hungry two-faced southerners. She also liked the quiet, finally having a home again. The feeling of agency she had, after a long time being without any was also a thing she began to appreciate.
Only few days ago Jon was proclaimed King in the North, he’d never wanted to be a king, but Sansa thought that he did truly look kingly that evening. Jon had accepted his new role reluctantly but graciously.
If Jon is the King what did it make her? Sister of the King was usually a princess, but she wasn’t born one, it didn’t sound right to her. Lady of Winterfell sounded better, especially from Jon’s lips. At the table everybody cheered for them, they cheered for the white wolf and for the fair lady. But there was no King and Queen, and she knew a King always needs a Queen. If not to love, then to make babes, to have an heir and everything that had sounded so wonderful to her when she was a little girl. Today she isn’t little girl anymore.
The sudden thought of Jon marrying some girl, making her his queen felt so strange and so wrong. A stranger would be standing where she stood. She would be the Lady of Winterfell, sure, maybe even have her seat at the table but it was her place next to Jon she would lose. At that thought, she felt tension and queasiness run over her. She had to shake herself and rub her face to think of something else, she was not supposed to feel like that. She took a deep breath and looked out of the window, snow was falling.
Then from afar steps approach, then a quick knock on the door. She opened the door, looking at her King, it was still Jon but this time she felt her chest flutter more than usual, was she anxious? Sansa gathered herself like a lady should and said quietly “Your Grace”. Jon looked away and mumbled, “you don’t have to do that”. Sansa was amused how easy it was to make him look all bothered, this time teasingly she said: “Sorry, your highness, how would wish me to address you”. “Jon should be fine,” he said, looking away, adding “my Lady” with a crooked smile when their eyes met again.
Father often called mother by her title, at least in public mostly so. That’s how adults were addressed, she was an adult too she realized, when had that happened? She certainly was not a child anymore. As children, they were not very close with Jon, at least not all the time and mother had made sure it stayed that way. Still, Jon was just Jon, and she was just Sansa, it had been the same when they met back at The Wall as no time had passed, but a lot had happened. Sansa knew Jon was only teasing, but it also brought her mind back to her previous thoughts.
When Jon entered the room and they seated themselves next to the fireplace like they had so many nights before in their tents and at the Wall, it almost felt the same. It had been only a few moons since they were reunited, but they had spent so many nights next to fire talking that it felt like the most natural thing in the world.
“Odd to sit here,” Jon said. He had never really been welcome here. Lady Catelyn never had any love for him as a child, and it only got worse as he grew older.
“Yes, I’d never imagined..” Sansa said, “Not the same of course, but I mean, still, never imagined…”
“Yeah”
Jon poured them some wine he had brought and talked how he’d been going around Winterfell and discussing repairs that needed to be done with builders. The Boltons had restored the castle somewhat, but much was still in ruins and unusable. Even through castle and lands around it were way more empty than it used to be when they were little, there were many people needed to be hosted, their men, free folk, Knights of the Vale and people daring to return to Winterfell again.
“They can’t stay in tents for long” Jon said, “Right now it might be fine like they say, but soon it will get really cold, then no fires will keep them warm there”. “The resources are scarce but Lord Royce offered generous help with everything, I can’t help but feel like a beggar,” he said and chuckled sadly. “We’ll pay them back, we can trust him, he’s an honest man, that’s what we need right now,” Sansa said, “Better them than someone else” Jon agreed and Sansa nodded just barely.
“They are so generous that they even insist on not setting a date for the repayment, other houses have offered their help too,” Jon said, “Lord Grafton offered to send his son accompanied by his daughter to discuss the terms and said that he expects no repayment”.
“Oh,” Sansa said, getting the idea what Lord Grafton had meant. “Very generous of him” she managed to add. Sansa took a sip of wine, then another. The situation felt so uncomfortable and the couldn’t think of a way to change the subject.
“It seems he’s proposing a marriage,” Jon said and didn’t look at Sansa, took a breath and decided to fix his gaze at the ceiling. The moments seemed to go on forever for Sansa as her heartbeat became faster and she tried to think of what to say next, she was about to comment on how the wine tasted sweet. It really didn't.
Before she could say anything Jon said “I declined, I have no plan for marriage and no need for it” and stared at Sansa’s eyes. He looked deep into her eyes and for a moment Sansa felt a connection, an ease coming over her and she knew he thought the same thoughts as her, they were on the same page and whatever happened she’d never lose Jon really. He was looking straight through her and she didn’t even try to put up a face. She smiled and so did he and everything was simple again.