Work Text:
SHIELD was a bureaucratic spy agency no matter what you said their purpose was. Part of the bureaucracy was having time-consuming and sometimes unnecessary weekly meetings. As a high level officer, Phil Coulson was inevitable invited (read required) at most of them. For example, now Agent Coulson was sitting at his regular Wednesday afternoon briefing on Europe activities.
Many junior agents genuinely believed that Agent Coulson was a LMD and his favorite thing was to do paperwork all day long in triplicates. Of course they were wrong. Coulson was a real person with feeling and an incredible tolerance for chaotic life style, which was why he was dating Clint Barton for almost two years. As for paperwork, he didn’t like them per se. But Coulson was a very organized person, by default or by training from his ranger-time no one truly knew. He liked everything in order and that included paperwork. Because his certain asset tended to lose mission report from time to time, Coulson just did everything in triplicate so that when they went home he didn’t have to tell Clint to write up his report after sex.
Given this tradition, when Agent Coulson was furiously typing and clicking on his laptop during the meeting, everyone just thought he was taking notes and writing up mission plans. So, when the level six agent who was leading the meeting asked for Coulson’s opinion on the situation, people were very surprised that Coulson blinked and said nothing. It seemed like Coulson was distracted from the meeting because of whatever he was doing on the laptop.
“I’m sorry. But can you repeat the question?”
Clint knew Phil would never miss a thing if he was listening. So, he must be doing something else. However, it had been so quiet after New York and there were mostly just regular recon missions these days. He was very interested in what Phil was doing.
Were you looking at porn?
Clint passed a tiny note to Phil after he answered the question.
Phil gave him a look that said WTF?.
Did Tony do something stupid again?
Clint added another line below the first question. This time Phil just ignored him.
Now, the younger man was even more intrigued. So, he just subtly moved closer to Phil and peaked over his shoulder.
“Phil, this is not paperwork for Europe. Is that online…?”
Everyone turned to look at them and Phil covered Clint’s mouth before he could say another word.
“Yes, this is not your paperwork that YOU promised to do. I thought the online report from the consulting agency would be helpful to understand the background for the situation in Europe but unfortunately it is just fluff. Agent, please wrap up your report as I have another meeting in 20 minutes.”
Coulson said with straight face even though he doubted any level 7 and above in the room would believe him. He was sure that the betting pool would start in less than 10 minutes as multiple people started to type on their cellphones.
Then, Clint shut up and now just smirking at him. Oh lord.
Luckily the meeting was wrapped soon enough and they went back to Phil’s office.
Clint was still smirking when he dropped himself on the coach facing Phil’s desk. Phil signed.
“Fine. Say it if you have to.”
“Phil, were you just online shipping during a briefing? What was that website called, Gilt?”
“Yes, I was. Happy now?”
“No. You don’t get off that easy. The LMD Agent Coulson doesn’t pay attention to regular briefing that he allegedly loves so much?”
“It was one of most boring briefings that I can’t skip. Fury makes me go so that he can skip it. There is absolutely nothing going on in Europe. They were talking about French Minister’s mistress. What else was I supposed to do? Playing footie with you?”
“I would have said yes to that, love.” Phil winced when Clint used the pet name, which just made him smirk even more.
“In my defense, the Dolce suits were 70% off. It would a crime to not to buy. Plus, they are offering free shipping today. It was in the daily newsletter.”
“It’s ok Phil. You know I love you in those designer suits, if even you have an online shipping issue. But the betting pool is currently high on you watching porn or cat videos.”
“Why would I watch porn when everyone knows I’m seeing you? Are people are insane or insane? Have they not seen your ass or your arm?”
“Yes, I do have a magnificent ass. Thank you for noticing. Well, some people have issues. Ever seen Don Jon? ”
“No? Whatever. Just let Natasha know I’ll put fifty on no-one-gets-it-right.”
“Ok. But just so you know, if you ever watch porn, I’d be totally fine with it. I’d even join you!”
“Go Barton! Go write you mission report!”
Fin.