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Adam hated cold water.
Ever since the bathroom incident, some of the smallest things had given him unspeakable trauma. It had affected Lawrence too, but certainly not as bad as it had affected Adam. He hated doing things like locking the bathroom door, or even sometimes smoking, which was a very rare occasion where his smoking habits would bring back memories of what had happened. He couldn’t shower or take a bath in cold water either.
But today was different.
He’d convinced Lawrence to take him to a public pool, as he thought it was about time for him to get over his ‘silly fear’ as Adam would call it. The other male knew it wasn’t the best idea, but if it made Adam happy, then he would’ve been happy too. So now they were there.
Adam was stood frozen in the changing room. He had already gotten changed and had been stood there for a minute or two before he was brought back to awareness when Lawrence placed a hand on his shoulder— his good shoulder, of course, the other was still very sensitive plus it had scarred— and gave the younger man a reassuring smile.
“Hey, hey. You’re gonna be alright. You’re brave, you can do this.” Adam rolled his eyes and let out a sigh, giving Lawrence a half-smile.
“Thanks Larry. I really don’t know what i’d do without you, huh?” He mumbled. Lawrence took Adam’s hand and they walked out together.
Lawrence held onto both of Adam’s hand and slowly led him into the water, occasionally looking behind him to see where he was going. He squeezed Adam’s hand and kept him close as the younger man had a weary smile plastered on his face.
“You feeling okay?”
“Yes, Larry. I’m fine,” he rolled his eyes. This made Lawrence chuckle.
“I’m gonna let go of your hands now. Is that okay?” Adam didn’t say anything in response, he just nodded.
“Alright. 3...”
Adam took a deep breath.
“2...”
Lawrence loosened his grip on Adam’s hands.
“1.”
He let go. And he was alright for a moment. Then everything came flooding back.
Everything.
Waking up in that shithole of a bathroom underwater, feeling so cold, so unbelievably cold. Getting shot. Watching Lawrence saw his foot off. Waiting for Lawrence to come back, doubting that he would. He couldn’t see. Oh god, he couldn’t see. He didn’t know where Lawrence was. He was shaking violently and all he could hear was a loud ringing in his ears and his and Lawrence’s screams and dear god now he was sobbing and everything was closing in on him and-
“ADAM!”
Adam snapped out of his awful, awful state and looked up at Lawrence, who had been grabbing him gently by the shoulders and shaking him. And it looked like he’d been crying too. Dr Lawrence Gordon, his strong, handsome boyfriend, was crying. And it was his fault. He knew it was. He didn’t deserve him. He-
Lawrence had pulled him into a tight, loving hug. All Adam could do was sob silently into Lawrence’s chest, so that’s what he did, still shaking.
“Shh, sh. It’s alright, i’m here. I’ve got you.”
“I’m sorry, Larry. I can’t do it.”
Pathetic.
He was pathetic. He must’ve been. He couldn’t do it, he was nothing but a fucking baby. He could tell, Lawrence was probably disappointed in him. Very disappointed.
“Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault.” He started to run his fingers through Adam’s hair, which apparently calmed him down.
“But it’s stupid-“
“No, no. It isn’t stupid. It was a traumatic experience, and I know how much it affected you, and that’s okay. That’s perfectly okay. It’s not stupid.”
“Lawrence..?” Adam whispered, after finally managing to calm himself down.
“What is it?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too,” he smiled and kissed the top of Adam’s head.
“Can we go home? Please?” Adam mumbled.
“Of course we can, my love.”
So they did.
Pathetic.
He was pathetic. He must’ve been. He couldn’t do it, but now it was okay. Lawrence showed him it was okay. He was brave. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do it any time soon. But Lawrence still loved him, no matter what.
Because Adam was imperfect perfection.
And there was nothing that could’ve been done to change that.