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Kelley slumped in her seat, immune to the laughter and good-natured joking swirly around her at the dinner table. Alex was teasing Tobin about something, and the midfielder was lazily smiling as Cheney chimed in.
Kelley didn’t even hear it.
Instead, her thoughts were focused completely on what happened a few minutes ago.
Pia was serious.
She was actually going through with this.
Oh, god.
Kelley clenched her hands around the edge of her shirt, holding on tightly.
She knew this could happen. Pia mentioned wanting to try something new. Something different. There was a hole in their defense, and she believed Kelley could be the one to fill it.
At the time, Kelley went along with it. Sure. Anything for the team.
She didn’t actually believe Pia would go through with it.
Her? A defender?
The very idea made a bubble of inappropriate laughter catch in her throat.
She was a forward. A striker. A goal scorer.
That’s all she ever had been. Hell, it was what got her onto the team in the first place. She proved herself at the position at Stanford, winning the Hermann trophy, and she got the call-up because she knew how to put the ball in the back of the net.
She knew nothing about stopping it.
Absently rubbing he material of her thin training jersey between her thumb and forefinger, Kelley bit her lip.
Pia was really going to put her at defensive back. See if it worked out, and if it did, then Kelley would play there for the Olympics.
Kelley was competitive. You had to be to make it this far. She wanted to play. To start. It was more difficult than words could describe to ride the bench during the World Cup.
But defense?
The short girl had confidence in herself. In her abilities and skill with a soccer ball. She was willing to take on anyone anywhere anytime. Brazil. Germany. North Carolina. Whoever. She could score on them if given half a chance.
But, a tiny voice in the back of her head pushed an invisible string of doubt into her mind, letting it swirl and twist until it tied around her well of conviction and squeezed roughly.
She wasn’t good enough to crack the starting line-up as a forward. She didn’t even come off the bench except for a few useless minutes. She made no impact. This team could survive without her. Not like Abby. Not like Cap.
If she couldn’t make it as a forward, how was she going to ever make it in a position she never played?
As doubt careened through her, she hunched further into her chair.
This wasn’t going to work.
All she wanted to do was play soccer. Prove herself. Make a difference. Pia said she could.
As a defender.
A powerful yet calming hand clamped down on Kelley’s shoulder. The calloused creases and dents were unfamiliar to the young girl, but the warmth somehow sent a jolt of comfort through her tense form.
“O’Hara,” a graceful voice spoke clearly.
Kelley noticed everyone at the table glance in surprise at the newcomer. Alex’s face screwed up in confusion as Tobin smiled in greeting, “Hey, Hope.”
Kelley tilted her head to see Hope Solo offer the midfielder a nod, “Tobin. Hey.” The keeper’s gaze shifted down to Kelley.
Wow, those eyes.
Kelley felt her breath catch.
“Come on.” Hope lifted her hand and stepped back.
Kelley blinked, not comprehending what was happening.
An eyebrow rose in expectation.
Catching the look, Kelley hopped to her feet.
“Kel?” Alex’s voice lilted in question.
Hope began to stroll away from the table, a quirk of her head indicating Kelley to follow her.
“See ya, Kelley.” Tobin waved cheerfully.
Opening her mouth, no words came out. Kelley glanced back at the table before scampering off after the goalkeeper.
It struck her as she reached Hope’s side that they never really talked before. Besides a few mindless greetings, the goalie tended to stay away from Kelley. To be honest, Kelley only saw Hope actually interact with a select few people on the team.
The duo walked along the wall of the room, their feet directed toward the buffet of dinner items lining the far wall.
“Pia wants you as a defender.” Hope broke the silence.
Kelley’s head swiveled around. Hope wasn’t looking at her, eyes straight ahead. Kelley’s hands turned into fists at her side. Was Hope angry about this? Mad that Coach was tossing an unknown untested forward onto her backline?
They reached the food. Hope snagged a plate, handing it to Kelley before picking up one for herself, “Defense isn’t easy. It isn’t glamorous. The only time you’ll be talked about is if you fuck up. You won’t get cheered like Abby is. You won’t get the recognition or appreciation. Most fans don’t care about defense until the other team is about to score.” She grasped the large spoon sticking out of one of the trays and scooped some pasta onto her plate. “Defense isn’t romantic, but it is important. It is mental. You have to be able to read a play before it forms. Be in position. Know when to pressure and when to back off. Be able to communicate with the rest of the line. You have to always be in tune with the game. You can’t stand around and wait for the action to come to you like a forward does. One second of tuning out, and the other team will be past you and you’re fucked.” She handed the spoon to Kelley, who unconsciously filled her plate.
“You’re good, Kelley. Pia knows it. That’s why she put you on my line. She wouldn’t do that if she didn’t trust you. I get that you were a forward, but you’re one of my defenders now. If you work hard and put in the time and effort, you’ll prove Pia right.” She tossed some salad onto her plate. “Christie will work with you. Listen to her. Learn from her.” She picked up a bottle of dressing and topped her lettuce, “I’ll do what I can for you. Any questions you have, you can come to me. No matter what. No matter when. I want you to succeed, O’Hara. I know you can. I’ve asked Pia, and she’s ok with us meeting tomorrow and working together during practice. Stick with me and Christie, and you’ll get this.” She set the dressing down and turned to Kelley.
The freckled girl stared at her, stunned.
“Come on,” Hope gestured, “Get your food. We’re sitting over here.”
Kelley watched the tall woman walk away. She easily glided over to a table, Carli fiddling with her phone as Mitts and Christie chuckled at something one of the Rampone kids said.
Kelley rubbed at her face, leaving behind reddened cheeks and tired eyes, “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything.” Hope gazed stoically from her perch on the frayed airport chair. She breathed evenly, face relaxed except for a tiny pinch at the edge of her mouth and eyes.
Kelley swallowed roughly, hands shaking as they clasped together in front of her. They slowly fell, gravity pulling them down to hang mournfully between her knees, “Hope…”
“It’s my decision.”
Her head carefully bent to the side, taking in the busy airport around them. Her voice lowered, “I don’t…why here?”
“Because my flight leaves in thirty minutes and yours in an hour.”
“Why now?”
“We won’t see each other for a few weeks, and my phone isn’t the most reliable at the moment.”
“That’s not what I meant.” She scooted closer, their knees knocking lightly.
Hope exhaled, blinking as her flight number echoed from the loudspeakers. They were boarding. “I should go.” She stood up, legs stretching as she scooped up her bags.
Kelley followed her, dazedly clambering to her feet, “Wait.”
Hope peered over at her, face unreadable but a gleam behind her impenetrable blue orbs that made the words stick to the roof of Kelley’s mouth. Her throat tightened painfully, limbs going numb and the world tilting off-balance.
This wasn’t how this was all supposed to go.
Hope offered her an understanding nod and quirked her lips in a forced smile, “See you in camp, KO.”
Kelley watched the goalkeeper turn and stride away, strong hands digging out her boarding pass and showing it to the attendant at the gate. As she walked briskly down the passageway to the plane, Kelley could hear her haunting words like a heartbreaking refrain.
I am going to retire
“Hope!”
The door slammed shut behind Kelley, echoing in tune with the grumbling thunder overhead. She sprinted, her bare feet tripping down the porch steps, crisp wood slick from the unrelenting rain. Her pale skin flared red at the cold of the air and water, but she ignored it, her focus solely on the figure ducking into the driver’s side of a shimmering car. She skidded along the well-worn path, gritting her teeth as tiny rocks and chunks of mud dug into her soles.
“Damn it! Stop!” the freckled woman cried out, throwing her body forward. She collided with the car door as it began to close. Her arms wrapped firmly around the metal as she forced it to remain open.
Blue eyes tiredly gazed up at her. The edges flickered with the beginnings of a glare, but the look never fully formed. Instead, resignation trickled out wearily.
It made Kelley swallow thickly and her fingers tremble.
Brown met blue.
Silence descended, only the growing growls from the heavens mingled with the smacking of rain against pavement breaking the quiet.
A moment passed.
Then another.
Kelley stared at Hope. At the endlessly blue eyes that she could always get lost in, even when she didn’t want to. Icy yet warm at the same time, Hope’s eyes were the first sight she sought out across a soccer field or in the locker room. It was what she dreamed about at night, both haunted and comforted by the flashings of sapphire as she lay alone in her bed. Eyes that made her giddy when they shone with happiness and caused her cheeks to flush when filled with carnal heat.
Kelley loved those eyes.
She loved everything about the woman.
Why was this happening?
A strong hand snaked out, surprising Kelley out of her thoughts as fingers sternly grasped the handle of the door and tugged.
Planting her feet, Kelley refused to let the door budge even an inch.
A low sigh, “Kelley…”
“No.” Kelley shook her head, water flicking off her nose and eyelashes.
Hope pursed her lips, “Let go, Kelley.”
“No, Hope.” Kelley’s voice rose, “Not until you tell me what’s going on. What happened.” What changed.
One second they were happy.
They had been so happy.
“Kelley, let go of the door.” Hope ordered, jaw setting and face losing any sense of emotion.
“What….I don’t understand.” Kelley fumbled with her words. The rain pelted her body, soaking through her clothes and causing the cotton to stick painfully to her flesh. Her eyes stung as the liquid pooled along the creases of her russet brown orbs. “Hope.”
Hope turned away from Kelley, facing forward in her seat, one hand on the steering wheel. “It was always going to be this way, Kelley.”
Kelley shook her head. She didn’t believe that. She couldn’t believe that. “You’re wrong.”
A mournful quirk of lips, “You’re young…”
“I’m not that young, damn it!” Kelley cut her off furiously. “I’m 27, Hope. Jesus. We already talked about this.” She tightened her grip on the door, “This isn’t happening. You’re not leaving.”
“We’re at different stages of our lives.” Hope intoned. A tiny shrug, “We had our fun. Had our moments. But, that’s it.”
Kelley shook her head harshly.
The older woman reached down, turning the key. The engine smoothly came to life.
“I love you.” Kelley confessed.
Hope’s throat bobbed. Her lashes flickered. Knuckles turned white against the black of the wheel.
“Hope,” Kelley gulped, eyes wide. Pleading for…something.
“I accepted a coaching job in England. Goalkeeping for Man City Ladies.”
Kelley rocked back.
Her jaw dropped. The pit of her stomach felt like it’d been punched.
Air left her lungs in a gentle woosh.
Hope was going to England?
No, Hope was staying in the US. She was supposed to stay in the States. Get a job coaching on the US team or for Washington or something. Leslie had told Hope she was always welcome to come home. The Reign called more than once about Hope staying with them. Jill and Paul…
The former keeper’s voice turned soft, “Sometimes things just don’t work out…no matter how much we want them to.”
Kelley tried to say something. She blinked again and again. Her chest grew heavy. Her bottom lip trembled. The tiny hairs on her arms stood up as her body froze in place.
Hope swallowed hard, “I’m sorry, Kelley.”
Then, with a strong pull, the door slipped from Kelley’s shocked hands. The defender didn’t even feel the metal scrape against her fingertips.
Tires crinkled against wet leaves and unseen cracks as the car slowly backed up.
Kelley stared at the now empty spot.
The rain continued to fall.