Work Text:
[ i. ]
When she came to, it was an unfamiliar, wooden ceiling that welcomes her sight. If anyone would ask what happened before she closes her eyes, she could say she’s drawing blanks. Also her dream is but a white space. She had something that overwhelms her, but it has been reduced to nothing but void as she opened her eyes.
It is also the scent of a house she didn’t recall to have ventured in, how it faintly smell like a saltiness of a sea everywhere as she took few more deep breaths
She then blinks, registered the outlook of the room she was in to study every details she could.
This place is no hospital, but not her home either. She was lying on a comfortable, soft bed in which her skin feel so unfamiliar with. The room looked empty save for a vacant table beside her and a window with flowing white curtain.
A sensation of isolation sets inside her suddenly, as if she’s waking up to a dream within a dream while her earlier thinking of dream and past was vivid and nothing more than a ‘blank space’.
Wait, no. She knew what had happened. Enough to know that she is a she. Enough to adhere that this is an estranged place for her. But—
Finally, she struggled to get up, only to have pain chained her down to the Earth. Her head, it is screaming in agony, like thousands of needles pricked it directly on every direction. She writhed, she tried to scream, clutching her head as a mere solace to deal with the torture.
“Ah! No, don’t do that!”
A voice—a being she didn’t think presented in the room beside her and the still time, appeared. Careful hands tried to pry her own away from clawing on her hair. Her world is spinning, unfocused. She couldn’t see this ‘being’ yet.
A force then helped her to sit up with a pillow as a place for her to rest her back.
The same voice mumbled something that she conjured as water and towel. She didn’t try to listen to the being more because she needed to regain her composure - regain her own self to know which one is reality or which one is a dream within so many hazy recollection.
“Your wound reopened again.” The being sighed. Rather in annoyance, there was something hidden in the voice that she caught as worry. “I’m sorry, I’ll be back soon.”
A sight of flowing turquoise hair. And there’s another new scent in-between the scent of the sea. She couldn’t name what smell that is instead ‘the scent belonged to another being’.
After what it feels like forever, her sight focused again. The room actually is more crowded than a table and a window. There’s a wardrobe near the door, closed tight. There were unopened boxes near the bed. The table is actually full of papers and books that littered to the wooden floor.
The door is kept ajar, ‘the being’ is not heard nearby. They seem to be out somewhere to search for something, maybe ‘water’ and ‘towel’. And there ‘she’ was sitting, exhausted because of the battle with pain.
She looked over to her open palm to see that it is colored with red. The presence of blood didn’t make her shocked, somehow it is served to her that the said being (turquoise being? A merman?) is not lying about her head injury. The blood made its way to stain the pillow and the bed, she should apologize later.
‘Where is this?’ is maybe a natural question coming from her to the being later. But maybe not ‘Why am I here?’ or ‘Am I alive?’
Not long as she started to think, the turquoise being is back. Finally, she could identify that the flowing turquoise tresses belonged to a woman, a tall woman with a scrawny expression and cold-looking green eyes. Her clothing consisted of dark blue coat and baby blue jeans, a casual palate to wear. In her hands, she brought two bowls—one filled with water, and the other is full of several tools.
When their eyes met, she caught the worry is there on the green eyes, in which she got to think this person is not someone bad.
“Let me handle this. Stay still.”
A hint of seriousness moored in her voice. It wasn’t bad and it doesn’t made her feel tense. She was used to be stared with such intensity – such hostility, so to speak. They are strangers after all, and this is a strange circumstances to be in.
She was somewhere in Earth. (Or is it heaven that conjured a similar view like the Earth so to comfort her?). Her head is injured. This turquoise-haired woman treated her as if it is her duty.
“Do you remember your name?”
“Remember?”
“I found you washed up ashore with head injury,” she explained. “The neighbors told me that you might suffer from head trauma, so … do you happen to remember your name?”
“Yukina.” She thought of what first came into mind.
“Yukina?” the person repeated. “Only that?”
“Yes.”
“My name is Sayo, Hikawa Sayo.”
Sayo. Okay, she’ll remember that. “Sayo.”
Sayo wiped the blood off Yukina’s head. The sensation of water trickled her skin was not pleasant. The wound sting, but she didn’t know how large a scab on her head is. ‘Head injury’ sounded like a huge trouble and it seem to be bleeding a lot, judging by how dirty the towel is after Sayo finished wiping the blood.
The turquoise-haired woman switched with dry towel, making sure no wetness left on the affected area before applying the bandage again.
“… Okay, done.”
Yukina looked up to see Sayo’s satisfied (was it really a satisfaction? It was but a mere second) expression. Sayo took away the bowl out of the room, perhaps for cleaning up. The door is wider now, letting Yukina to see more than just the room she’s in.
The living room is devoid of many furniture, save for a fireplace and a single couch. Sayo disappeared to the left, maybe the kitchen or bathroom is around that area. Most of the floor are made of wood aside for normal tile or modernized carpeted ones. What Yukina had in mind is that she was there in a cabin near mountain, or a cottage nearby the sea.
Speaking of the sea, though, why she ended up ashore—deserted on the sea in the middle of nowhere? And why this person took her in? What was—
“Can you eat?”
Sayo cocked her head to see Yukina was in trance, clutching her head.
“… Umm, I would appreciate if you keep yourself from reopening your wound.” Sayo scrunched her forehead. “So, can you eat?”
Yukina didn’t respond, but her stomach did, much to her dismay. Sayo then blinked, and so is Yukina.
.
With Sayo’s help, she’s being guided to the living room that she saw from the room. Sayo wondered why Yukina wanted to walk (and was against it at first but the woman insisted) since Sayo could bring the food for Yukina to eat in the room.
Yukina couldn’t walk properly. Part of her hurt head made her senses still numb. She could stand but she is quick to fall. Sayo was quick to assist her, and they were able to reach the living room without new injury or any trouble.
They passed a mirror nearby the washroom for Yukina to check out how miserable she looked now. Her long lilac hair is unkempt. Her goldenrod eyes almost void of light but it is there, struggling to show that she is living. Her thin figure is only clad by a single oversized shirt. Not to mention, she can’t even walk properly.
On the reflection, the turquoise-haired woman led her with gruff on every breath. A strong arm embraced her figure in protective manner. The steps she threaded is calculated.
Their stop: a couch by the living room. A living room with little small windows and nothing else of a decoration.
The couch is long, too long to fit only Yukina who lies down. There’s still a space for Sayo to sit. A blanket was there on the foot of the couch. Yukina also found that there’s coffee table in front of it, creating distance between the couch and the fireplace.
The kitchen actually is nearby the living room by the right side, Yukina could see Sayo’s back prepping for something. Her goldenrod eyes rolled to see her surroundings. This house really is furnished barely. This might be not Sayo’s house. But who really knows?
“Are you sleeping here all night?” Yukina brought herself to ask.
There was a pause as Sayo alternated between the steaming pot and getting a bowl from the upper kitchen cabinet.
“Well, there’s no other rooms …”
“For how long?”
Another pause. Yukina waited with arms folded. It hit her of how this stranger is trying to be not bothered by her presence, though Yukina couldn’t erase the thoughts that she has been invading someone’s private space because of her accident.
“Roughly three days?”
Yukina browsed the table to search for anything – a calendar, or a clock since there’s nothing hanged on the wall to show the time (or she missed it). Sayo didn’t have cellphone on the table either. If anything, there’s a book with leather cover there – not something to read, Yukina surmised.
“That’s not good. You should sleep in your own room. I can sleep here.” Yukina went straight to the problem.
“You’re the injured one here, I’m just trying to help-“
“But you’re not responsible of me.”
Rather than anger, what Sayo shows as she brought a tray to the living room is a wounded expression. It doesn’t match the spike of tone in her wordings earlier. Was it more than anger, but a rage? Was it no anger but disappointment? Sayo sending her one mixed signals. Layers beneath layers, it is as if looking at herself on the mirror earlier as they walked slowly to the living room.
Nothing changed in her.
“I’m the one who found you there on the shore.”
“It still doesn’t make you responsible of my well-being. You can always ask the townspeople to have me in clinics or get me to the police. So why?”
A knock interrupted their heated conversation. A gap of silence followed before the person went for another, and, “Sayo-san, are you there?”
Sayo dropped the tray on the table to greet somebody by the door. A girl who’s even taller than Sayo but seems younger (and brighter, especially on the way she smiles) with long purple hair and visible fanged teeth, dressed in slack white tee and pants. She smiled wide to see Yukina is awake, close to drop her belongings—a basket filled with something.
“Oh! She’s awake, Sayo-san!”
“Not so loud, Udagawa-san. She’s just awakened.”
“Oh, s-sorry.” The young woman shrunk. “Here, Sayo-san. Some fishes from us~”
“Thank you.” clipped reply.
“I need to go back to work so I’ll see you later!”
And the young woman just fled. Perhaps she’s not dumb enough to read the air because the peaking conversation between them. Sayo turned to Yukina again, she was still seething with anger and with something unexplained.
It reminded Yukina of one time when she made someone angry, because of her inability to lower down her pride.
Hell. Nothing has changed, isn’t it, from her small figure, intimidating way of talking and her harsh façade. Nothing.
[She already did all things to run away from that, too. Why don’t shape to be someone better?]
“Sorry,” Yukina settled. “I don’t want to make you feel bothered for taking care of me.”
“It’s not like I’m bothered, just—“
Sayo cut herself effectively. Yukina narrowed her eyes but decided not to pursue the matter. The stupid rise in emotion first thing after she’s awake in a place unknown is already a bad way to start things.
“Anyways, do you need my help to feed you? You seem unable to sit on your own.”
“… I can’t deny that.” A pause, a fidget. Then, “Can I request for your help?”
“Okay.”
[ ii. ]
Sayo is meticulous. As if she’s used to take care of someone else as she proceed to sit on the floor, angling close to Yukina for better access. She feeds Yukina slowly, small spoon to small spoon. Sayo made sure Yukina didn’t flinch because the porridge is too hot for her tongue, blowing it and checking for Yukina’s response when ingesting it.
The porridge itself is not yummy enough to gauge her appetite, but it is given because 1) it is bland porridge and 2) she just been awake to the world after long sleep.
Of course, noticing by how things turned on the approach earlier, Yukina didn’t know what topic to strike for a conversation. At least not something personal to Sayo. Sayo is a stranger, not someone she knows who understand her personality. Also Sayo is thinking that she lost her memories, adding a weight to her condition that makes Sayo won’t tear her eyes away easily from attention.
Yukina proposed for a simple trail of questioning: where is this place?
This little town is a town of fisherman located far from big cities. The beach is fifteen minutes away from this house using a scooter, or about half an hour to walk. Most people living there are elders, with some youngsters whom doing a lot of labor and usually be the one who deliver the fish to the market in bigger city.
There is a school and public places such as libraries or community center but no big clinic (perhaps Sayo referred to her pressing earlier. Yet, it doesn’t answer her question). If anyone want to commute to bigger cities, they need to ask someone with a pick-up truck or car.
‘This place might seem far and isolated but not really’, Sayo added. ‘The phone signal is sometimes bad, but manageable’.
“Do you remember anything? Families or something …”
Yukina paused. The bowl of porridge is empty. Sayo was kind of forcing her to eat everything – and she really is good at nursing, somehow, save for her aloof personality that sometimes shows itself.
“No.” Yukina lied.
“I see,” Sayo rolled her eyes. “Maybe we should go to someplace with good hospitals to get your head checked. But I think it will be a bit later since your wound didn’t dry out after a while …”
If only Yukina could voice a relief, she would do now. It would only sound weird to Sayo, though. She had no intention on coming back there, but she felt like she shouldn’t bother this person any longer.
“Are there more wounds?”
“Some bruises, but not as bad as your scarred head.” Sayo replied. She collected the bowl back to the tray and moved back to the kitchen. “Take it easy for the day. Not like you’re able to walk or sit.”
She can’t deny that, answering with a small nod.
As much as Yukina doesn’t want to bother Sayo, the nagging questions keep piling up to Yukina’s curiosity. She didn’t want to ask something personal out of blue, it is all close to spill from her tongue. Yukina tried to look elsewhere, anywhere else but Sayo’s back, but there’s not many things to focus into as the room is pretty vacant.
Oh.
Beneath the blanket scattered about below the sofa, something black and rigid is hidden. Yukina couldn’t guess the actual shape since she couldn’t tilt her head too low to make sense of things, but that black thing looked awfully familiar to her. It’s not because she had met Sayo before, it’s the nature of the things.
It’s a guitar case.
“Do you play guitar?” it came out naturally.
“Hm? Ah,” Sayo dried her hands with a towel and approached the couch again. Her expression is relaxed. “You knew that this is a guitar case.”
Sayo picked up the case away from the blankets covering it. Yukina’s guess is on the spot: it is indeed a hard guitar case. Its shape is one of square instead following the shape of guitar, but Yukina didn’t mistake it for something else.
[But of course; how long she has been there to know things—how long she has been there to get used to things?]
“Just a guess.” Another lie. “Are you playing?”
“Kind of when I’m bored,” Strangely enough, Yukina could sense a lie in it. “What is it, are you going to ask me to play?”
“If you’re okay with it.”
“Aren’t you a strange one. Earlier, you shot up angrily to me and now you’re asking me to play the guitar?” it is the first time Yukina heard Sayo chuckled.
“Isn’t a stranger supposed to be strange?”
“Oh, well.”
Sayo laid the case bare on the table, clicked it open to show a brown acoustic guitar which rested within. Fitting herself to the space beside Yukina, Sayo took the guitar on her lap. She didn’t bother to adjust the keys anymore, only testing the strings for one time and started to play something that Yukina doesn’t know.
.
.
.
[It’s easier to get to know people from how they played music. It never changes.]
.
With each of the strum, Yukina could see how Sayo is getting serious. Focusing solely on the tone she’s making, even though the listener only one supposed-to-be amnesiac woman, as if not to disappoint the listener.
Sayo played this song well, Yukina didn’t hear anything off-key despite not knowing what the actual song is. It is easy to notice when a song is off-key, like there’s a gap or a strange sound in between the song line.
Anyone whom always listening and criticizing one will understand.
[Right. What happened to that place after she left?]
“There, satisfied?”
Oh. She’s finished. Yukina feigned a neutral face.
“That was good.”
In turn, Sayo is the one who’s shocked. “Good?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s a relief.”
Sayo took the guitar back to its case, closing it quickly. She put away the guitar at the corner of the room. Yukina watched Sayo again until she’s back to the initial spot. There was this smile, perhaps the first one of the day and the first time Yukina seeing it – though it is unknown what she might feel. Yukina is not a judge of a character.
It was a smile of relief, much like how Sayo phrased it earlier. She had let something out, maybe.
“Will you play again later?”
“Eh?” Sayo was surprised.
“I like that song. Will you play it again?”
[ iii. ]
The next day, Yukina woke up from a nightmare.
Perhaps it wasn’t something that can be called as a nightmare. The lilac-haired woman opened her eyes normally, still unable to lift her head unless she had counted to five because injury. The dream is a recollection of past events that she wished to forget. It can’t be said as a nightmare as it feels so real – it is all the bad things that had happened, it’s not a nightmare. It is the reality talking to her.
Yukina tried to shift herself sideways. She doesn’t feel as pained as it was yesterday, thinking it is a good sign that her head injury is getting better.
She only held her breath as Sayo was right in front of her face as she turned, sleeping soundly.
Yesterday night, they argued again about the bed and responsibility. Yukina then offered for them to share bed and sleep together so that Sayo, the owner of the house, didn’t have to sleep on the couch (Sayo hides how many days she has spent out there). The bed is big enough for the two of them, not to mention Yukina is smaller than Sayo that she pointed out she will be okay if Sayo kicked her out of bed when sleeping.
Well, of course she’s angered by the last sentence. Yukina told to herself to use other comparison next time.
Yesterday is also the day when she first acknowledged ‘Hikawa Sayo’, a new person in her life by accident. Sayo has a pretty green eyes which is hiding layers of her expression, just like how Yukina think about herself when she’s seeing a mirror.
Sayo felt oddly responsible for finding Yukina washed up ashore and took her in, instead of having her handed to the clinics or police. As if she wanted something out of the injured young woman who feigned amnesia – Yukina has yet discovered what’s up with her, though.
She’s also seem used to handle someone who’s sick, or injured to the point they can’t walk properly, judging by how she tending Yukina with utmost care.
What’s coming in Yukina’s mind after the small observation is that Sayo is remorseful about something, but then, she heard how Sayo played her guitar.
Yukina has been living with music for long to know how to judge people based on how they played their instrument. Sayo’s kind of playing is on point; she looked like to have something set in mind that ‘she must not fail’, a kind of person who’ll act orderly.
Then again, Yukina caught an emotion swelling from her – a struggle to break away from the ‘order’, to find her own voice despite of all odds, and it is what hits Yukina the most.
It also made Yukina had her nightmare. About that place. About the problem that she run away from.
.
When Sayo stirred to wake, Yukina wasn’t sure how long she has been staring – and she can’t deny if asked whether she is indeed staring.
“… Does your head hurt?” is the first thing that Sayo asked. Her words are fueled in sleepiness.
“I’m alright.”
“Okay then.”
Sayo got herself up like there’s no trace of sleepiness left within her. She stretched out her way from the bed and opened the nearby windows. Yukina was late to notice that there’s a desk clock by the nightstand beside where Sayo is.
It is 5 AM.
“Can you sit up?” Sayo prompted.
Her head is a lot lighter than yesterday, maybe she could. And so she tried – only to fall to the bed again. Sayo was mortified, perhaps she shouldn’t ask for Yukina to try anything big.
“I can sit. I can-“
Sayo yanked Yukina’s arm, rested her other hand to the small on Yukina’s back and propped her up nonetheless. With a help of the pillow, she eased Yukina to a straight sitting position.
It is hard to do anything with your head messed up.
“There’s no need to force yourself.” Sayo spoke in soft voice. There was a mumble followed, which is not hard to notice. “… just like her.”
“Hm?”
“It’s nothing.” The turquoise-haired woman retreated, ready to leave the room. “You can sleep again, it’s still early.”
“I’ll try to walk to the living room.”
“I said, there’s no need to force yourself—“
Too late, Yukina already tried to set her foot on the floor. She held on the bed as her lifeline and took a step to Sayo’s way. The first one was a success, but not for the second. Yukina fell forward.
On reflex, Sayo ran up to catch her. Though as the timing wasn’t on point, both of them ended on colliding to the wooden floor with a loud thud. Sayo landed on her back while Yukina clutched atop her pajamas.
“—now I told you. Are you hurt?”
“Shouldn’t I be the one who’s asking?” Yukina huffed.
It took Yukina a while to realize the position she was in and how she is holding tight on Sayo’s clothes, on the top of lying Sayo to boot. As much as Yukina wanted to stand up and walk away, she realized that she just failed to do one – she didn’t know what to do now.
“Um, how about breakfast? I can … help you walk again to the couch.” Sayo offered awkwardly. “And maybe we can do something later so you can walk?”
[ iv. ]
Around the breakfast time, the purple-haired young woman is coming again to the house. This time, she brought Sayo something like a plate of seafood Carpaccio.
“Sorry for yesterday. Lemme introduce myself properly, I’m Udagawa Ako!”
The young woman is filled with so much energy that Yukina brought herself to squint, but she answered the handshake anyway. Sayo reprimanded Ako not to swing Yukina’s hand too much as the lilac-haired woman has yet to recover from her injury.
Sayo implored more about Ako to Yukina as the three of them enjoyed the Carpaccio (Sayo still insisted to feed Yukina, much to the smaller woman’s dismay). Yukina is able to sit down properly now, so the three of them are able to fit in the couch, Sayo being the center of them and the nearest to pick the rice bowl and Carpaccio from the table.
Ako is a co-owner of her family’s fishing and crops business. Udagawa family’s business has quite of its name that they handled shipment of their fishes to big cities as well.
Yukina commented on how Ako is very young to be continuing her family’s business (Ako claimed to be 20), the latter went red-faced and hides behind Sayo in embarrassment – trying hard not to boast herself.
Apparently, Sayo has been working to Udagawa family as a helper to take care of their crops and sometimes, fish deliveries. Ako said something about lending Sayo the family’s scooter for better mobility, and that you don’t need a driver license to do deliveries in this small town and/or to neighboring village.
Sayo has been helpful to Udagawas, to the point that their parents always shared food with Sayo. There’s an indication that Sayo declined their offer, but maybe because Ako is pushy (it is shown from how she talked with energy), Sayo ended up receiving their kindness.
Talking like this got Yukina an impression that Sayo might not have the money if she’s about to bring the injured Yukina somewhere, unless she loaned to Udagawa family. That line of thinking is possible, yet it doesn’t add up on anything.
“I was surprised when that night Sayo-san came to see us that she found a girl washed up on the beach,” Ako said, munching on her salmon roe. “But thankfully you’re awake now, Yukina-san, Sayo-san was worr—mmrhgh.”
“Udagawa-san.”
Yukina gave Sayo a strange look, in which the turquoise-haired woman brushed it away, changing the conversation.
Ako told more about the beautiful beach and great sea they are having in this town – saying that it is such blessings, breathtaking scenery that’s hard to miss. The mention made Yukina curious about how the sea is looked like. Sayo, however, made an off-comment that she won’t be going anywhere as long as she’s unable to walk.
“Oh right, Sayo-san asked me to borrow some of my old clothes to you.” Ako gestured to the bag behind her. “She said something about how I was a chuuni and small so my taste would fit someone as small as y—mmrgh, Sayo-san!?”
“Udagawa-san.”
Chuuni as in Chuunibyou—the infamous ‘middle high school syndrome’; that renders Yukina to think that it is all black clothing or it might be close to gothic-lolita style. Yukina gave Sayo another strange look, though, she must say that she shouldn’t be irritated because she is indeed small, and a small clothes would do better than wearing Sayo’s oversized shirt all the time.
“Oh, I thought you’ll be angry.” Sayo said.
“Why should I be? I’m small to begin with.”
The conversation morphed to complete calmness afterwards, guess the big girls in the room felt sorry for her – not like Yukina minded it per se.
. . .
After eating, as Ako had her free time of the day, the three of them proceeded with helping Yukina to walk. Ako would watch as she cleaned up – mouthing this fiery words of encouragement as if she’s in a school festival’s sport competition (was it Soiya? Uhh. Yukina didn’t catch it).
Sayo propped Yukina up on her arms and lead her with their hands entwined. The turquoise-haired woman would walk back slowly and speak to Yukina to start walking.
It does feel strange to be babied like this, Yukina thought to herself, but there’s no choice.
Sayo didn’t let go of her hands for a single bit. Sayo is one head taller than her. Her posture is straight, supporting her straight-laced personality. Her eyes are beautiful green to her bleak goldenrod. Her jaw is clenched almost all the time.
Yukina watched how Sayo’s eyes looking straight at her with such hopeful look. At the same time, Yukina sensed that Sayo is not looking at her, but something else that’s distant.
Her concentration didn’t waver. Her instruction was there with precision. It is a second nature to her to lead someone like this. To nurse someone like this.
That reminded Yukina when Sayo happened to slip about someone.
“Hey.”
“Hm? Am I going too fast?”
“No.” Yukina shook her head. “You sure is … good at this. Nursing. Helping me to walk.”
Sayo had this incredulous look in her face, replacing the soft one from earlier. She was hiding her surprised face.
“Isn’t it good that I’m able to do it?”
“Well, yeah. Just …” Sayo waited her pauses. Should Yukina press on the matter now? She didn’t have much support on her claims to her suspicion of Sayo. Sayo didn’t dare to ask more about who Yukina is, either. “Never mind.”
“Watch out.”
Again. Yukina cursed inwardly as she stepped on Sayo’s foot because she began too early. Losing her footing, Sayo’s arms were her solace. Sayo didn’t let Yukina’s body slumped down, rather, Sayo pulled her close to custody.
It’s pitiful to see her hand trembled to the idea of falling. Sayo must’ve noticed it too but she said nothing. They stayed for long, standing with Sayo embraced Yukina in her arms, waiting for the tremble to subside without words.
“Umm, did I interrupt something?” Ako asked from the counter.
“No, you didn’t.” Sayo answered. “We’ll start again, Yukina-san.”
(And it was the second time Sayo called her name.)
[ v. ]
One thing Yukina hated beside her inability to walk is that she’s unable to bathe alone.
This is the second night Sayo watched her … well she is not in the bathroom with her, but Yukina couldn’t help to be uncomfortable as Sayo’s figure is there beyond the fogged glass door.
She should be glad that she’s small that Sayo can carry her with ease from the tub back to the bedroom, yet it is not the advantages either! It is embarrassing for anyone to see you naked!
The sliding door opened for a bit, “Are you done?”
“N-Not yet. Don’t you dare to peek.” Yukina answered fast.
“I’m, I’m not.”
If only she could magically walk after the first try, Yukina sighed. More and more, she’s just there to inconvenience a stranger she just met by accident.
Firstly, her head injury needed a lot of bandage that should be changed regularly. Secondly, she can’t walk. Thirdly, she lied about her amnesia.
Sayo had assisted her from the time she woke up until when she slept. The owner of the house didn’t leave to far from watching Yukina. Ako even said that Sayo is free from work until Yukina is getting better. Sayo is such a worrywart, while her expression is cold bordering close to mean.
About the lie, though, Yukina thinks of it as something mutual: Sayo is hiding something, so is Yukina. Their relationship started as strangers who lies to each other to keep on living; and it works.
Yukina brought herself to hum the song that Sayo played the other night out of whim.—if anything that Yukina didn’t doubt from Sayo, it’s in this untitled song.
“You like that song so much, I take it?” Sayo suddenly asked. What a timing.
“Kind of. I think I already said it.” came her reply. “What about it?”
“It’s a song that I made,” that, Yukina already thinks that much, but, “I never play that song to anyone but you.”
The lilac-haired woman held her breath, feeling sudden self-consciousness building up inside her. She turned to see Sayo’s back peeking in-between the open sliding door, she was resting her back there.
How can you play something—a song that sounded so precious—to a stranger? Yukina didn’t bring herself to ask that.
Yukina recalled how the song began. It was not that slow to be a tear-jerking ballad. It was not too fast to be an uplifting, powerful anthem.
“What kind of song is that?”
“It doesn’t have any lyrics yet, I’m not good with words.” Sayo explained. A pause is hanging, ended with a sigh. “It’s a song I have in mind after seeing my sister’s condition.”
Important keywords: sister, condition. Yukina responded Sayo with a long, knowing hum. The lilac-haired woman expected Sayo to not say anything beyond that. Sadly, it is just as expected.
“So are you a musician or something?” Yukina steered the topic away. Silence is never been comfortable.
“Not really.” Sayo’s tone is flatter now.
“That so.”
Her toes started to wrinkle below the warm water, it is time for her to end the bath time and this conversation that might lead to nowhere.
“I’m done. Can you please help me up?”
“Sure.”
[ vi. ]
The following day, Sayo was checking her guitar again as Yukina tried to walk on her own.
She has graduated from the oversized shirt from Sayo to something more comfortable to wear; plain black blouse, a checkered, knee-length grey skirt. It is something plain to her tastes save from heavy metal image from Ako’s old clothes. Yukina wondered if it was what Ako thought as a Chuuni, to have chains on your skirt or a collection of ripped leather jackets and jeans—not like Yukina wanted to judge on her tastes.
The important thing is that the clothes fit, not too large or not too small.
Yukina insisted that she would walk without Sayo’s help – Sayo only there to observe, not helping. The lilac-haired woman will try to walk around the living room in which Sayo already cleared from disturbing obstacles, leaving Yukina, the wall and a few chairs from the dining counter.
Sayo was ‘audibly’ worried - Yukina could tell since she played the guitar but stopped occasionally as Yukina is on the move. The song is one Pachelbel’s Canon, if Yukina remembered correctly, it is one of many songs that is usually used for practicing a lot of guitar keys.
“Don’t come closer.” is what Yukina repeated so Sayo won’t move away an inch from the couch. After some while, Sayo finally doesn’t stop on playing her guitar.
The trek for her walk is not that far – little steps to the first chair, then to the second one, and come to the last one. She walked to the direction of the couch so Sayo can observe her closely. The turquoise-haired woman saying something about Yukina being so stubborn but if not for this, it would be long for her to be able to walk.
What a strange ‘therapy session’ – anyways, she must be able to walk now, or not-
“No matter what you’re doing, you can’t do anything. You won’t be like him.”
No. Not those voices.
“You’re gaining nothing by keeping things like this, you know that, don’t you?”
Voices from her nightmare are there. She would never forget it, but it feels painful as it is resurfaced. Words from them who disliked her. Words from them who don’t understand her. Words from them—
.
“—Yukina-san?”
She was drowning. She was drowning before Sayo’s voice is there, helped her up. Reality sets in. There are no more vile-sounding voices. Those people are not there bothering her anymore. She is only there with Sayo, after all.
Yukina blinked twice to focus, Sayo’s expression is askew in worry and panic above her.
Wait. She was clutching on her head and the last chair the last time she remembered. How come that Sayo is above her? Also she is lying somewhere … is this the couch? And below her head, warm, comfortable pillow – no, Sayo’s lap?
“I was panicked so I rested you here. I checked your head if the wound is reopened or something but looks like everything is okay.”
Sayo must’ve noticed her puzzled look that she continued her best to explain things, while not trying to overwhelm her.
They were there in heavy silence, Yukina felt somewhat weary after the recollection of her nightmare and her walk training. Yukina didn’t notice that Sayo had the guitar on the table again after some while talking, and her eyes are back to look at Sayo.
Sayo was looking at her way, her eyes are clouded with something unreadable and her right hand stayed above her head, right before the bandages.
Yukina touched her head, feeling the bandage before Sayo’s fingers – from a soft fabric to calluses on slender, long fingers.
“You fainted.”
“Sorry about that.”
“You shouldn’t be.”
“But I must’ve made you worried.”
It was a bingo as Sayo sighed. The sigh itself is an exasperated one, no explanation needed for Yukina to understand.
“I keep saying that you didn’t need to force yourself,” Sayo recited the same words. “What if you—“
“I have fell, so many times.” Yukina corrected her. Not only literally, physically falling—if only she could add that. “Did I be able walk, though?”
“You did. Barely.”
“That’s good, then.”
Yukina closed her eyes, her hand is still there to graze on the back of Sayo’s hand. Sayo doesn’t seem to mind, as she doesn’t retract her hand or voiced her irritation.
“Say, what are your thoughts about running away?”
“That’s a cowardly move.” Sayo answered straight. Just like what Yukina expected for Sayo to answer, almost making her laugh at how ironic it was.
“Guess we thought of the same thing.”
[ vii. ]
Days after Yukina is able to walk (approved by Sayo’s own assessment), Sayo would still watch Yukina try to get up from the bed and walk to the couch.
Yukina could feel that intense stare – in which Yukina sometimes would smile; or sometimes she would laugh, saying: ‘you’re such a worrywart, Sayo’ before she settles to the couch. Yukina then would catch the red-faced Sayo and she would be apologetic, saying: ‘I have arrived safely’.
Then, both of them will laugh, and the day finally started for them.
The bandage changes becoming not as frequent as the days Yukina just woke up. Sayo would change her bandages in the morning, in the afternoon, and after bathing. Nowadays, Sayo would only check the bandages in the morning, then moving on to clean up the kitchen and see Udagawas on the neighborhood.
Sayo would squat in front of Yukina, the makeshift first aid box and an empty bowl littered the floor to be her silent assistants. It’s the only moment that Sayo is shorter than her in a sense. Yukina shouldn’t move until Sayo is finished with the treatment. Their faces are close. Their breaths overlapped. Yukina examined Sayo’s intent expression.
The turquoise-haired woman wouldn’t say a word when she did the bandage changing. It’s like she’s concentrating but at the same time, those eyes are looking somewhere far.
Maybe it’s really about her sister. Yukina mused.
When Sayo removed the used white fabric, Yukina noticed that the amount of blood there is slowly decreasing – the only parameter that Yukina can see whether her injury is improving or not.
“The scar is not that big.”
This is the first time she heard Sayo initiated a conversation when she’s changing Yukina’s bandage. Yukina had one of her brow rising.
“Can I see it?”
“Wait, I’ll get a mirror.”
Sayo shuffled to the room behind her, perhaps back to the bedroom. It is when Yukina noticed the book with leather cover is open, lying beneath the guitar on the coffee table. While she has an urge to take a closer look, the open pages that she could see already explained enough.
It is a music notes, together with keys for guitar, and then a little, almost fading scribbles: For Hina.
“What are you looking at, Yukina-san?”
Yukina held her breath. Sayo is back in front of her with a medium-sized square mirror. She seemed to have guessed what Yukina might have seen, judging by the flare in her usually calm pool of green.
“Sorry.” Yukina could only think of that, she didn’t avert her gaze from Sayo.
For a moment, Yukina wondered if Sayo would burst at her. They might be stranger, but as far as they have been together below this same roof, there’s this ‘distance’ that they struggled to keep between each other, a boundary that no one dared to take a step in.
They are hiding something to the other, only there to be ‘the person whom happened to find Yukina injured and helped her’ and ‘the person who injured her head in accident and seemingly having an amnesia’ – and both of them knew that there are layer of lies.
Sayo sighed, taking the mirror on the table and getting the book instead. The turquoise-haired woman sat beside Yukina, ignoring the bowl of used bandages.
Goldenrod eyes traced to the line of melody the untitled song ran to. She has heard everything from Sayo who played the song frequently for it to ring in her ears, echoes inside her mind.
It’s just like when she’s holing up alone in her father’s studio to track the old songs belonged to her father’s disbanded band and to make lyrics out of it, then-
“Hina is the name of my younger sister,” she showed the pages clearly. The song is untitled. Sayo’s writings are neat, full with small notes of details here and there. “—no. She’s my younger twin sister.”
Sayo traced on the name written there. Another sigh followed. Yukina sensed the tinge of Sayo sounding uncomfortable, but she didn’t know what to say. She could always press - unknown if it is because her curiosity or because she cared for a stranger she just met – or she could stay silent.
If she presses, though, they will no longer ‘strangers’ … wait, are they still ‘strangers’, after all these days coming and going? But if she stayed silence, things could march on like usual, or it will eventually break.
How long will you keep to take no action? How long will you be passive? Do you intend to wait until everything comes to an end?
How long do you intend to be the one who’s being helped, not the one who can offer to help?
“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me, Sayo. I—”
Sayo blinked at that. “Hey, you called my name.”
Oh.
Oh.
So Yukina is not the only one who’s … conscious about her name being spelled. This keeping status quo of being strangers has them caught up to be less ‘humane’, it seems.
After all, a call of a name means the other person … sees you as ‘you’, not anybody else’s. The two of them might be strangers, but they are not there without a name.
“… I think it’s okay to tell you about her—about Hina, I mean,”
Sayo smiled, albeit forlornly. That makes Yukina think: what if I choose to stay silent? Will she break?
“But not today.”
“It’s alright. It can wait.”
Yukina searched for Sayo’s eyes, seeing how tranquil it is now, not with a flare of anger or mixed emotion. It was a relief, yet at the same time, Yukina knew what their eye contacts meant at this point.
There’s no turning back.
“Thank you.”
[ viii. ]
“I said you don’t have to come.”
“But I want to.”
“It’s okay, Sayo-san. She can help me to count the crops we have harvested today and checked the condition~”
That day, Yukina followed Sayo to her work in Udagawa’s farm. It is unknown if Yukina could call it as ‘farm’, but the name is there to simplify the scope of work that Udagawa family is doing beside their fishing business. Udagawa got a large plot of land not far from the home, in which the family got greenhouses and free plot outside for seasonal crops such as corns and tomatoes in summer.
This maybe the first time Yukina went out after only seeing Sayo’s house. The turquoise-haired woman was worried to let her out (and followed her, so to speak), but thankfully, Ako done a damage control for Yukina so she could tag along.
“Really, you’re so stubborn, Yukina-san.” Sayo massaged her temples.
“I don’t want to hear that from someone who’s stubborn as well.” Yukina chuckled.
“Now now, don’t fight you two~” Ako waved the tomatoes on her hand. “Yukina-san, please help me with this crate next!”
It was one fine day in summer nearby the sea, the air feels so nice and refreshing. If Yukina is not allowed to be out, maybe she’d never know what season it is now. She doesn’t quite remember when she decided to run away from them, though, after living like this for a while.
To be able to walk for longer to a scenery that’s not wooden-floored house is something new for Yukina, too. During her small work to count tomatoes, she listened intently to Ako’s talk about summer crops and how she loved to have grilled corn and grilled fishes after a big day of harvest. The purple-haired young woman is kind to give her a small work, keeping herself busy is a great thing to do after long she’s unable to do anything.
Her eyes wandered to see Sayo diligently tending on the corn crops on the field while Ako did a cross-check on the crate of tomatoes she has been counting earlier. Yukina has been the one sitting by the shade of small shack, meanwhile Sayo is out there below the sun sweating herself out to work.
Seeing on Sayo’s back somehow feel different now, but it wasn’t like months has passed since they have met. Sayo had never questioned about Yukina much, buying on Yukina’s reasoning that she ‘lost her memories’, then there’s Yukina, whom happened to take chances to see more and more of this stranger.
It feels like Sayo is growing closer, rather than keeping their distance. Sayo was ready to tell her about things that bothered her. Did Yukina see this coming? Maybe yes and maybe not – but the lilac-haired woman guessed that things like this couldn’t be helped.
After all because of their circumstances, they couldn’t stay as strangers for too long. Yet, Yukina preserved for things to stay that way.
But-
“Is it too hot outside, Yukina-san?” Ako suddenly asked from beside her.
“Eh? No, not really.”
“Sorry to ask about it often,” Ako laughed sheepishly. She deliberately made her voice smaller, waiting for Sayo to be out of their sight before continued. “Sayo-san is worried about you so much, you see.”
“I can see it.” A pause. Suddenly Yukina recalled the moment walking in the studio, surrounded by people, and- “Thank you for your concern too, Udagawa-san.”
The recollection is nagging at her often now, not only in her dreams. Is this a sign for her to go back? But … things should be going while she is not present there. Why? Did she regret this, or …?
“You look pale, are you okay?”
“I’m okay. What more can I work on?”
“It’s fine. We’re done for the day.”
Ako got up and walked to the direction where Sayo disappeared to. Yukina guessed that Ako might be worried about her sudden pause. And speak of the devil, Sayo approached the collecting shack in fast motion.
“Should we go home now?”
“It’s okay, Sayo. You can resume your work.”
“But-“
“I have ever said to you that I’m not your responsibility, right?” Yukina voiced outright. “Also … we’re nobody.”
There was a pang of guilt that hit her the moment she spoke it and in front of her, Sayo just blinked. Her lips closed, as if wanting to retract useless comments blooming on the tip of her tongue.
“Are we really?” Sayo tilted her head. There was no anger or irritation in her face – Sayo’s expression is eerily neutral, blank.
Was it the same thing she wanted to speak to Yukina a mere minute ago? Yukina thought to herself.
“... Never mind.”
Sayo quickly cut the conversation short and went back for the field, leaving Yukina puzzled with Sayo’s feedback, and to the voice in her head.
Wait. Did she expect – something to happen? Or did she want for her to react differently?
[ ix. ]
Sayo played her guitar again that night after dinner of silence.
Nothing has been exchanged between them and it is of the longest count to the date after they were barely know each other.
They sat on the same long couch side-by-side, Yukina hugging her feet and Sayo strumming on her guitar, replaying the same song over and over like it is the only song available in the world.
The untitled song meant for her younger twin somewhere in this world. The untitled song without lyrics but dropping melodies. The song is unfinished. No one will sing the song except for Sayo’s guitar alone.
Yukina closed her eyes. The image of music studio is fresh in her mind as if only yesterday she left it. She’s that one person whom hardly left the music studio unattended, no matter what kind of collaboration she’s having. Then, on the table, there’s a sheet music belonged to her father, with several pages of unfinished song without an end notes and without lyrics.
And then there’s people who wanted Yukina to be their icon, their beacon of hope in this harsh new age of music industry. After that, there’s-
—Ah.
Unconsciously, or maybe Yukina should say, ‘old habit dies hard’, Yukina just hummed to the part of melodies that Sayo played. She recalled that she hummed it during her baths sometimes out of whims. She recalled to hum the song one time on the morning. She sometimes hummed it when she’s about to sleep.
This song is pure, innocent, directed to someone she so cared of; unlike how everyone uses Yukina’s song to gain empty shred of popularity.
As Yukina hummed, Sayo would there to ask ‘why’, but not that night.
They were walking together because of the song, but they are not looking at each other. Yukina knew when the song is finished and she would stop, but she couldn’t help but wondering if that is truly the song’s end part.
When the sound of the guitar ended, Yukina repeated some verses to herself, imagining that she’s still in her own studio again, alone.
No one cared about her except when she made something, yet Yukina cared less, as ‘no one cares’ means that ‘she can do anything’.
Then again, it wasn’t that simple.
Yukina opened her eyes this time, only to see a pair of calm green eyes looking back, close. She didn’t remember whether Sayo is in front of her – Sayo was sitting beside her, playing, that’s all. She couldn’t contain her shock but she didn’t do anything beyond squeaking and pulled herself back.
“Ah, sorry. I thought you are sleeping.”
“… What is it?” trying to gather her composure, Yukina speaks.
“Nothing. I just wondered why you liked the song so much.”
“It’s good, I said.”
“I know you said that, but …”
Sayo’s fingers closed in, touching close below her eyes with a gesture of wiping. It’s when Yukina realized that she has been crying.
“Why are you crying?”
That’s actually a question that Yukina wanted to ask to her own self. Why?
She tried to find her trail of tears, but Sayo’s hands were quicker. Like it is natural to touch her. Like she already know what’s wrong but she didn’t dare to say anything. Sayo’s slender fingers felt cool to her warm tears – it was soothing yet at the same time, the pang in her chest returned.
Why she cried? Did she regret on running away?
[And on one of these moments, Sayo won’t ask. Rather, she would silently give Yukina comfort – within small touches, until it fades, just like usual.]
[ x. ]
After the bandages have been removed completely, Yukina is conscious about her scar every time she passed on a mirror. The scab could be hidden with her bangs, but she couldn’t remove its presence from her mind in such instant.
“Looking at your scar again?” Sayo asked from behind her.
It was quite late, Sayo just returned from one of her delivery duties and Yukina just finished on cleaning the room. She happened to see her reflection on the body-size mirror there.
Sayo approached her, standing to fit the frame. Yukina watched her silently from the reflection, retracting the hand from her scar. Sayo’s fingers replaced hers, tracing on the scar, eyes glued to the reflection rather than the real deal.
Sayo has been touching the scar so many times that Yukina had lost count of it.
“Do you feel ugly with it, the scar?”
“Not really.”
A pause, silence.
“Why looking at it so often?”
“It … just reminded me of how long I have been here.”
Yukina quietly recalled when they first met; how she sees Sayo alike mirror – hiding beneath layers of lies, tried to remain indifferent. Even after Yukina said such leading statement, Sayo never pursues her lies, much like how Yukina kept Sayo at bay until she finally speaks.
.
Yukina has been used to Sayo’s schedule somewhat, noticing even the smallest of Sayo’s habits such as how she would prefer tea than coffee to accompany breakfast. Also how Sayo would ask to Yukina if she would need a help on something first thing after she’s finished with eating breakfast.
Yukina has been used to Sayo’s company when she’s awake. Sometimes, her head will sting – not as painful as the first time, but it still hurts. Sayo will give her space until the pain dissipates. She is there in her own silence, but she is not going anywhere.
Yukina has been used to Sayo’s harsh tone when she speaks. Yukina knew Sayo didn’t mean any harm, just like when the first time they spoke after the lilac-haired woman woke up. She’s being truthful about herself, Yukina didn’t mind.
Yukina has been used to see Sayo play her guitar to that song, to the point that Yukina hummed it for herself. When Sayo pointed it out, Yukina would praise her for creating the song, even though it is untitled – unlike the songs that Yukina created for them and how it must sell.
Sayo’s hands are cold, but Yukina has been used to the touches from those hands. When she changed her bandages. When they are sitting side-by-side to eat. When she was bathing. When they shared the bed to sleep.
.
Yukina has been used to have Sayo there.
Isn’t this the sanctuary she’s looking for, to be in estranged place with a stranger who doesn’t know who Yukina really is?
.
Are they … really ‘strangers’?
.
“Nee, Sayo.”
“Hm?”
“How long will we continue to lie at each other?”
[ xi. ]
That late at night, Sayo borrowed the scooter she used for deliveries to go to the beach.
Sayo wasn’t alone; she brought the woman with goldenrod eyes and her guitar with her.
Ako didn’t ask why, the owner merely joked that Sayo would pay if she made a dent on the scooter as she walked out there. She promised Ako that the scooter won’t be dented or anything, and it will be parked back to Udagawas early in the next morning.
‘How about we go there; to the place where it all began?’ Yukina didn’t question twice on Sayo’s request.
The beach is fifteen minutes from the village using scooter, Yukina remembered it well, and looking forward to the ‘beautiful beach’ that Ako said to be the town’s eye candy.
The engine is running smooth on the silent road of few lamppost. The scooter usually not used to accommodate two person ride, though since Udagawa modified the rear to place the ice box, Yukina is able to sit on the makeshift seat, bringing the guitar with her.
Sayo didn’t speak a thing, again. Similar to that time when Sayo changed her bandages or when Sayo waited for her episode of pain to be gone. What Yukina saw is the lonely back belonged to Sayo, and the blur of trees along the road as the scooter went with the wind.
When the blurry trees ceased to exist on the roadway, Yukina was welcomed with the open landscape of the sea at night. Nothing could be seen at faraway spot aside the lone moon, nothing could be heard by then unless the sound of waves hitting the shore rocks.
“We’re here.”
The engine stopped. They left the scooter before the roadway fence, leaving them to walk down descending stairs to take their feet to the sandy beach, embracing a different rush of air unlike when they were on the scooter earlier.
What Yukina sees first is the shoreline below them, Sayo guided her on walking.
It’s natural for them to hold hands, just like when Sayo lead Yukina to start walking. Yukina might be able to walk now, but she didn’t mind Sayo’s fingers entwined with hers.
“So you found me there?”
“Mhm. I threw my phone to the sea, that’s when I found you.”
“You … what?”
Somehow it clicked on Yukina of the reason why Sayo never contacted Ako without going directly to her home.
“I threw my phone to the sea. I ran away from home to this place for the hope no one’s going to find me.”
Sayo said with her head held high, then she turned to Yukina, squeezing their connected hands.
“Aren’t you the same?”
“I was really in an accident, though. But I didn’t remember much what happened and what brought me here to the first place.”
Yukina didn’t deny that she’s in a process of running away, and so is Sayo – that was a mutual feeling that Yukina sensed the moment she knows that there’s something nagging about Sayo. The mirror is not only about their aloof and stoic personality, but also to what they are doing now: running away and created false reality.
Yukina was stranded in a place close to nowhere and Sayo, who’s running away from some circumstances, was there finding Yukina in a place close to nowhere.
“I have decided that night to be the last time I’d play that song, but then I was frantically trying to save someone washed up and injured ashore.” Sayo smiled as she said it, before a sigh followed. “I don’t really like playing anymore, but then you said that you liked that song.”
“I feel safe when hearing the tunes,” Yukina picked up. “It is so … pure. Hearing it for the first time makes me know who you really are.”
“And because of that, I thought you might be a musician or something.”
“I am,” Yukina is self-conscious about that word, ‘musician’. She was proud of it, but not really after some time has passed and she’s fed up about ‘being used’. “I’m … maybe you can say that I’m a professional singer.”
“Really?” Sayo was stunned.
“But I’m working behind the scene at that time because of things. You won’t know my name … yet.”
There, Sayo beamed. A relaxed smile that Yukina cherished. “So you’re planning on returning?”
“And so you are.”
Sayo nudged their joined hands again, suggesting for them to walk further. There’s part of the beach that’s full of rock-solid sea rocks, but when you walked beyond the fenced area, there’s a secret set of stairs going down closer to the water.
Sayo mumbled something about sitting there and enjoying the night air, so Yukina followed, saying that it would be a good idea.
They were sitting together, hands entwined, facing the lone sea beyond them. Their eyes glazed upon the calmness of the sea before back to each other, finding mutual soft gaze directed to each other.
Slowly, but surely, they are whispering to each other about their truest self, in the middle of the night, watched by the reflection of the sea.
“Here, your guitar.” Yukina gestured to the case on her back. “You’re going to play for me, right?”
“You’re so full of yourself sometimes, Yukina-san.” Sayo said. “But, yeah. I’m going to play for you.”
Only during this, their hands are apart. Though, both of them knows that they are connected. The untitled song. The song that bounded them together beyond the level of strangers without them knowing.
Yukina had learned that songs might transcend the simple meaning of ‘conveying one’s emotion’, but only now that she understood what it means.
Her music is beautiful, Sayo is a beautiful person. And there, she … ‘Yukina’ is … she is just a selfish person.
“Why do you never ask me of my fake amnesia?”
Sayo paused from her initial strumming. She was visibly thinking.
“Maybe the same reason as you are,” she replied. “I don’t want for this moment to last.”
The lilac-haired woman found herself widening her eyes – like how everything has been obvious from the start.
Yukina is running away from her responsibility, Sayo is running away from her home.
Yukina is injured, Sayo is able to heal those injuries.
Sayo is close to throw her everything, Yukina is there to accept her everything.
Yukina is alone, Sayo is alone. Until they found each other.
Their meetings are coincidental, but they are both strangers to each other who’s willing to accept each other’s scars – who’s willing to help and willing to listen.
After Sayo said so, the way she looked at Yukina seemed so different from the last, how it is glimmering with such warmth that directed to her, only to her. Yukina was questioning whether her eyes playing trick on her. Then again, everything has been crystal clear now – as they are finally aware they are no longer strangers.
“Sayo.”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
Yukina was sure Sayo had expected it that she stayed calm, but her playing eventually stopped for good.
“Me too.”
Yukina also expected that one reply. For so long, finally the pang inside her heart didn’t continue. She had arrived to an answer she had looking for after acquainted with this stranger.
It wasn’t so bad of an answer – it is not bad to expect for something.
[ xii. ]
That night, they were sleeping in the same bed like usual, hugging each other close as if one of them threatened to disappear on the next morning. Both still felt the chill from walking on the beach late at night. The hug couldn’t be even warmer.
They have been sleeping together on the same bed since Yukina pushed for Sayo not to sleep on the couch anymore for her sake. They had shared this moment when they just sleep side-by-side, watching each other’s faces and drifted to slumber.
After long, it has been something usual for them to talk until the slumber took them. Not every day Yukina would tail Sayo out to work especially when she’s doing deliveries with scooter, so Yukina would listen what Sayo had to say about her day outside.
This might be the closest they ever been while sleeping together, Yukina fits herself snugly in Sayo’s arms, taking advantage of her small stature to feel more of Sayo.
“You look like a cat this way.”
“Am I?”
Yukina looked up to see Sayo smiling. The light from outside filtering between the curtains behind Sayo, it is not that hard to make out of her expression.
“I’m a dog person, though.” the latter exclaimed.
“Oh, so do you hate me now?” Yukina jeered.
“No, it’s not like that, geez.”
Sayo found herself staring on the scar on Yukina’s head again, Yukina watched as Sayo gave the crown of her head a nudge with her lips.
It doesn’t fail to make Yukina blushes.
“My younger sister went into an accident,” Sayo said quietly. “We went into a huge argument one day and then I ran away. She was chasing behind me and …”
Sayo entailed more about herself in her quiet but serene tone. How she blamed herself all the time because of the incident and she took care of her younger sister nonetheless. Yukina was surprised to know Sayo’s twin is actually a polar opposite of her, someone who’s bright and cheerful. Both of them were pursuing music, yet her younger sister is smarter and better, making Sayo feel inferior about everything and becoming negligence to her own growth.
“I helped her with her walking therapy, too.”
“No wonder you’re so good and patient with it.” Yukina praised.
“I am now, but I was not.” Sayo sighed at the memory. She casted away her eyes, ashamed. “I would always yell on Hina, all the while I feel responsible since I think it is my fault that she went through it. She always tell me that this condition is not my fault, but-“
“You couldn’t take it anymore and you disappear,” the lilac-haired woman continued for her. Sayo nodded.
“I … feel the same as well. I can’t take things well anymore after I couldn’t have my own voice heard, and I fled.”
It is her turn to share, Yukina said to herself. Her story is plainer and nothing worthy to hear, but as she had allowed to accept Sayo’s scar, she could go on to reveal herself as well.
It was a story of a little girl whom aspired to be a better singer after her father’s supposed downfall. Inheriting every talent and opportunity as a base, she marched on to let people know about her father’s songs, and to evolve herself.
In the end, people used her talent and her ‘hollow’ self to be exploited in the way Yukina doesn’t like – ‘they don’t even credit me and they never hear me’, she said it angrily for Sayo to hear. And just like how Sayo’s story went, she took a trip somewhere and ended up in an accident.
It was a foolish story of someone who ran away – whilst both of them have agreed that running away is cowardly move. Ah, how they can laugh about it all day about their own naïve side.
“Don’t you think it is strange that we found each other here, out of nowhere?” Sayo asked suddenly.
“Perhaps it is what you call as ‘fate’. Not like I believed in it, though,” Yukina mused. “Or maybe it is the turning point of us to stop running away.”
.
Yes, that night maybe the night they professed their love to each other. Then again, that night is the last night they ever spent together, safe and sound in each other’s arms without the care of their true world revolving.
“Udagawa-san usually went to the city for shipment on the last day of the month with her truck. We can tag along to finally see our ways to return.”
Yukina found herself sighing at that. They have chosen to stop running and this is the consequences. They have accepted it so why must it hurts?
“Yukina-san-”
The words stopped from Sayo as Yukina closed her own worries with claiming those lips. It is another selfish move coming from her, Yukina knew it – Sayo should’ve known it as well, but neither of them are stopping or forcing to stop.
If only the morning won’t come.
The kisses, the touches; they conveyed their own feelings to each other skins without more words, savoring the presence of the person they so cherished until it burns into their memories, only to have the five senses filled with each other, until they can only think about each other and nothing else matters.
This would be the firsts and this would be the lasts.
They didn’t care anymore.
.
{The sanctuary might perish; but not to their memories - and their own selves.}
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“—and I think it was the longest summer I ever had in my lifetime.”
Sayo finished her story, readjusted the weight of her guitar case on her back and straightened up to start walking again.
The rain has stopped from their small break over the nearby bus stop, she and her raven-haired work colleague started their frequent walk home that night.
The work hours are tiring, rain only added the somber mood to her own running mind that Sayo opened herself up for a story from long, long time ago—well, dropping the intimate moments aside, of course.
.
Roughly two years has passed since then. Time surely flew fast for Sayo to notice of things, so she thought.
When she arrived back home by then, she apologized to Hina, who’s still in the middle of her therapy, telling the truth of her own bad feelings and inferiority to her younger twin, telling how she regretted her immature decision, and also be truthful about her parents of the reason why she left.
Progressing to her own path after that revelation was hard, so many things has happened that she couldn’t repair and she couldn’t turn back time that’s been lost, but Sayo has decided that she is not running away anymore.
“You said … you ran away, Hikawa-san … but you are now … a great … guitar teacher, a soloist and … a co-owner of your own … business?” Shirokane Rinko said.
Sayo chuckled, giving back a praise. “I’m still not a match to you, favorite piano tutor and designer of the infamous Black Butterfly brand for roughly five years.”
The meek raven-haired woman shrunk, her face is red, “T-That’s not exactly-“
Walking beside her is one of her co-worker she get to know by her line of work. One time, she collaborated with Rinko’s piano skills for an original soundtrack project commission. Since then, Sayo and Rinko have been good friends, and they have been walking home together from time to time.
“B-By the way, Hikawa-san. That … tall girl whom sending you … seafood platters earlier … that’s Ako-san?”
“Oh, yeah. Since I told her where I worked at, she always comes by when she’s around the town,” Sayo nodded. “That reminds me, she likes gothic black style so much, but she always feel bad that she can’t wear those kind of outfits since she’s so tall.”
“R-Really!? W, Will you introduce me t-to her next time?”
“W, what’s with the sudden interest, Shirokane-san?”
“I, I want to know what new people may ... think about my designs!”
They passed by a large television by the big crossroad. There are a lot of crowd gathering here and there despite the rain from a while ago, some still with their umbrellas or raincoats. Sayo and Rinko sandwiched themselves to pass by the road, wondering why a large number of people are glued to the big screen.
The commercial breaks from famous soda beverages alternated to a jingle from some show. The screen says: Yamato Maya’s Music Magical 1-hour Special! and on cue, everyone started to cheer on and clapping furiously.
“Shirokane-san, what’s this?”
“Oh, I’ve … read it from the internet boards. T-They said, one of famous virtual singer … is showing their true face … to public.”
Sayo scrunched her forehead, “Virtual singer?”
“Y-Yes. If I … remembered correctly, they are known for the name … Rosenlied? They are famous for their rock ballads and uplifting songs …” Rinko explained. “Oh, umm, you … do know ‘virtual singer’, right, Hikawa-san? They are … kind of song makers who’s donning … virtual avatars to personify themselves.”
Seeing the crowd, though, this ‘Rosenlied’ person should be a great singer, in which makes Sayo’s interest piqued as well. Rinko explained some more about this Rosenlied person and Sayo listened idly.
Apparently, Rosenlied is big enough that their first virtual live tickets sold in minutes. They gradually gained more fame and support as they created more songs and doing lots of stuffs like charity concerts and all.
With this special show, Rosenlied decided to show themselves to public eyes. This show is actually exclusive and only broadcasted to paid viewers at first, but due to popular demand (or, well, Sayo didn’t actually catch when Rinko speaks of several rumors), this big TV on the street is used to broadcast the special TV show.
There also rumors that the person behind Rosenlied will begin a new debut and discarded their previous virtual singer persona.
“Oh, umm. Sorry that I … talked too much. You see, one of m-my old friend from college is a … a big fan of Rosenlied. She usually … attends every virtual event and … she claimed to be a leader of their … fan club.”
“Is that so? They sounded awesome to gain this big of popularity. It would be great if we can collaborate with this person if we have the chance.”
.
If Yukina-san returned to her singing, will she be this big?
A sudden question sprung inside her mind. Sayo recalled quietly that she’s somewhat passionate about getting a comeback, too. That ‘strangers’ claimed to be a professional singer, but Sayo personally never heard of her singing. She did hum to Sayo’s song, but it is a two-year-old memory.
They met because of coincidence and no one dared to say that they would really meet again. Sayo had thrown her phone that time and Yukina didn’t left her with any contact information – the chance for them to see each other again for real.
The screen showed the emcee of the show, Yamato Maya, donning a black tuxedo set and greeting the audience. Sayo and Rinko settled to someplace less crowded than the main crossroad area, Rinko wasn’t that good with crowds and for Sayo to get a better look to the screen.
There’s a brief recap about Rosenlied on the TV; how much they held a virtual concert, their biggest hits online, the deep lyrics they had for their songs, and then Maya introduced someone who’s said to be Rosenlied’s current manager, Imai Lisa.
“H-Hikawa-san, that’s my … friend.”
“Come on again?” how come the world is so small? “Your friend is a famous singer’s manager?”
“A-Ah, what a strange coincidence. Maybe next time we can ask her if we can do collaboration w-with Rosenlied?”
“That’s a great idea. Maybe next time.”
The show went on with Maya asking this manager of Rosenlied a few questions. Like, whether they already have a plan for fans or something great to share, and what they hoped after this public reveal.
Sayo winced at the sight of manager woman to see that the brunette there is looking so gyaru that she questioned twice about Rosenlied. Usually, people around the musician will influence how the musician turned out to be. Rinko had said earlier about Rosenlied is ‘powerful’ and Sayo had seen for herself how Rosenlied got so many fans … but does it really just because of the marketing boom?
“Before we invited them to the stage, Rosenlied-san would like to tease us of their new project! Fuhehe, you all should be curious, right!?”
The crowd cheer started to bother her ears, Sayo sighed to herself. Seeing Rinko looked excited with this announcement, Sayo decided to tag along a little longer on watching.
The screen blacked out for a while. The once lighted sofa set from Yamato Maya Show changed to an empty-looking room with only a chair and an acoustic guitar stand shown. People around them started to whisper, guessing on what kind of appearance this Rosenlied might be donning and whether the virtual voices are the same as the original ones.
The lamp on the screen flickering to blackness as a figure silently walked up to the chair, sitting on the spot and taking the guitar with them.
Sounds from the calculated strings of guitar filled in, the said figure is playing the song live. Sayo won’t question twice when hearing guitar’s voice, she would be straight to seek for the false in the tunes and where the tunes lead to.
However, not too long after the song moved from the intro, Sayo’s eyes were widened to the screen, couldn’t believe to the tunes she’s hearing right now.
A strong voice belonged to Rosenlied joined for the supposed-to-be refrain part of the song. It was so strong, deep and brewing with emotion that it made the listener went silent just for the sake of not missing a beat.
Dearest, you are my dearest. Our prism of dreams interlaces. Sprouting, our tones interweave.
This is my sanctuary.
The calm guitar strings stopped, the lights returned to the screen on a sight of a woman on the chair. Her goldenrod eyes opened after the blinding lights adjusted its radiance. There, she stood, taking back the guitar to its respectful stand. Her long lilac hair and her petite self gives out her whole appearance clad in dress of midnight blue feathers like a doll out of fairytale.
Sayo could see the scars on her forehead clearly as the camera pans closer to seek her face, to seek the fearless might shone upon those goldenrod eyes, and to her small, beautiful smile.
“To tell you the truth, this song is not originally mine. However, I can’t forget the voice of the guitar from my mind ever since I heard this song. This guitar sound has been a guide to me on shaping my songs,”
Her calculated tone is there again. Even as she’s not talking, that voice is like music to her ears.
“This will be my first song as Minato Yukina, and the song that I’ll use to find that voice—to find my lost Sanctuary again.”
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.
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“Say, Shirokane-san, when we can arrange to meet up with Rosenlied?”