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Minhyun had always been the one who trusted Jonghyun the most even from back in the trainee days. When Seungcheol and Jihoon didn’t get to debut with Jonghyun, he’d been devastated for days. Minhyun had been the one who reassured him that everything would be alright. While Jonghyun might not have shown it at that time, he appreciated Minhyun’s efforts so much.
“To all my members, you put your trust in a leader like me that is not mature enough. Thank you so much. It is my goal to be someone you can trust and rely on. I will work my hardest to achieve that. Starting from now, we need to trust in each other more and strive for our dreams.
“We’ve gone through so much together. We laughed and we cried. Even though we’re from different places, we somehow found a way to like each other. I’m really sure when I say this, we keep going because we have each other.
“One thing. I’ve never asked to be the leader, but here I am. Thank you for listening to me when I told you to trust in me. I feel so sorry that I’ve failed you. I feel really sorry right now, but I’m also really really thankful that you stay. Thank you.”
Back in 2014 when Jonghyun had read his letter to the members, Minhyun had cried so much. It sounded so so agonizing to Jonghyun’s ears he had to stop reading for a second and take a deep breath. When they had to sing next, Minhyun had failed to contain his emotions and could barely sing. Minhyun had been crying for Jonghyun’s words and the latter had wondered bitterly if he ever got things right. Jonghyun still remembered how even the fans were worried.
When the show had ended and they’d gone to the backstage, Minhyun had immediately pulled Jonghyun to the side and to his embrace. Jonghyun had found himself fitting against Minhyun. It’d been oddly perfect, like fries dipped in vanilla ice cream or two pieces of puzzle that completely fit despite it not being the right pair. Jonghyun had wondered why Minhyun did that, but he heard a whisper of “I got you, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” but Jonghyun didn’t get it. Everything was Jonghyun’s fault, Minhyun didn’t have to apologize about anything.
Jonghyun hadn’t voiced it, though, but Minhyun had known. Jonghyun returning the embrace and tiptoeing to tuck his chin on Minhyun’s shoulder had been enough. It had been enough for them.
“I love you, Jonghyun, I’m sorry,” Minhyun had whispered against Jonghyun’s nape.
Jonghyun had heard it. It had sounded so soft, as soft as a bed of cotton. It had also sounded right, as right as the sun in summer and the snow in winter. He’d understood that it was a sentiment Minhyun voiced out from a member to a leader, Jonghyun had accepted it. It hadn’t been more than a spider walking on water, staring at the depth, longing to know how it would feel like to be a fish. It hadn’t been more than what Jonghyun had hoped it could be. So, he’d just smiled.
When they got on Produce101, Minhyun had to tell Jonghyun time and time again that it hadn’t been his fault. For the first time, it was to no avail. Jonghyun had locked himself in the studio almost everynight and refused to tell anyone about anything. He had faked his biggest smile yet during those times and it was tough.
Minhyun had understood that Jonghyun had needed time to come to terms with himself. Minhyun couldn’t interfere, so he didn’t.
After deciding that locking himself in the studio didn’t do him any good, Jonghyun walked out with a new set of determination. If he didn’t want to do it for himself, he’d do it for his brothers. He’d do it for Minhyun, especially.
Jonghyun remembered the first time in Produce101 where Minhyun showed to the whole nation that he still trusted him.
“I think Jonghyun hyung would fit the leader position,” Hyunbin said.
Upon hearing the statement, Jonghyun was taken aback. He thought that Nu’est failing was his fault as a leader. Now he had to risk the same thing for this team that Minhyun just formed? No way in hell was he going to do that.
A thousand thoughts were running in his mind, but the weight of Minhyun’s touch on his left arm brought him back to reality. It’s funny to Jonghyun how just Minhyun’s soft touch could make him know that the latter believed in him.
“Are you okay with this?” and Minhyun just had to make sure that his leader was alright before deciding on anything.
Erasing all thoughts of every bad possibilities, Jonghyun put on his sweet smile. He knew that the rest of the team trusted him, so it would only be right if he took the burden for himself. Again. But he’s alright, because Minhyun was still there beside him.
Jonghyun had made friends in that living hell of a show. He’d watch them come and go, work together or become rivals, and he thought that he couldn’t get used to it. He hated the thought of possibly having to see one of his brothers go home first or leave him to the final episode.
They’d made it, though, together until the eleventh installment. For a better part of a second, Jonghyun thought that it would be alright if at least one of them could get in. It didn’t have to be him, but a lot of people just believed that he would make it to the top eleven and debut.
He didn’t. He didn’t get in and it was a nightmare to Minhyun. A nightmare nobody wanted to relive. How could Jonghyun still put on a smile like that?
“The number fourteen will be something I hate for the rest of my life,” Minhyun stated, bitter, with tears running down his cheeks.
Jonghyun only laughed it off. It might be the last time he saw Minhyun, might as well make the most of it.
“At least you will be alright, Minhyun,” Jonghyun said, trying to cheer up the taller a little.
“You think I’ll be alright?” Minhyun snapped.
“Yes, Wanna One will be really popular and you will finally live the life you’ve always dreamed of since we debuted and I couldn’t give you.” Jonghyun’s face hardened.
Minhyun stood up from where he was sitting before, wiping the tears on his face angrily with his sleeve. “Did you try for a second to think about my feelings? We were supposed to do this together!”
“We did do it, Minhyun.” and somehow Jonghyun was still calm. “Fate just has something else for us. Be happy, your path ahead will be a beautiful one.”
Fire went ablaze in Minhyun’s eyes. Out of all times, why did Jonghyun choose this one to be difficult?
“But what about Nu’est?” Minhyun asked, voice breaking (and it reminded Jonghyun of the mirror in the bathroom Dongho accidentally cracked with a toothbrush).
“We’ll see about it later.”
“What about you?”
“I’m not important, you’re the star of this show, Minhyun.”
“I hate you.”
But Jonghyun knew that Minhyun didn’t mean it. The taller was still overwhelmed about how everything had turned out. They’re living on borrowed time now. Nu’est would probably still disband soon and Minhyun would already be gone before it happened.
Minhyun took Jonghyun’s hands in his and cradled them with care. “Promise me something, Jonghyun.”
Jonghyun stared at Minhyun’s puffy eyes, asking silently about what the latter wanted.
Minhyun’s hold tightened. “When I’m done with all of this, I want to be able to come back to you.”
“But we don’t know what will happen —”
“Promise me!”
For a second, Jonghyun was torn. On one hand, of course he wanted to save Nu’est from everything, still. On the other hand, he didn’t know what would become of it now that he didn’t get into Wanna One. He couldn’t give Minhyun empty promises.
“It doesn’t have to be the whole Nu’est. I just want you to wait for me, because I’ll come back.” Minhyun’s eyes softened. “But I do wish that Nu’est will still be there, I don’t want to deal with two disbandments in 2019.”
Jonghyun realized that he needed to be a better leader so Minhyun would have something to come back home to. Deternined to make Minhyun happy (after all the things Minhyun did for him), he wanted to return the favor.
“Then you won’t have to worry about it.”
That night, Jonghyun and the others had gone out to drink. They thought that it was over for them. Really, what part of the universe was twisted enough to decide that they had to suffer for that long? For five long years and still counting? Jonghyun didn’t know, he didn’t want to know. At that moment he just wanted all of his members to be alright. He just wanted Minhyun to be alright, even if he himself wouldn’t be alright without Minhyun beside him.
It had been a surprise to them when they saw their songs rising up in the chart that night along with articles about Kim Jonghyun and Nu’est instead of Kang Daniel and Wanna One. They were grateful. Their story was one everyone actually found tragic and people only decided at that moment that they were worth it. Fate had been cruel, but it’s trying to sew up all the patches and make them whole somehow (even if the patches were filled with fabric of different patterns, they’d be alright). For once, Jonghyun felt like he could be alright even if Minhyun wasn’t there.
“Did you see the articles, Jonghyun?” Minhyun’s voice sounded like birds chirping through the loudspeaker of Jonghyun’s phone.
“Yeah.”
“I know we’ll be alright.”
And Minhyun said ‘we’ instead of ‘you guys’ because he’s still a part of them. Always had, always would.
Contacting Minhyun through text messages and brief phone calls just wasn’t the same. Even though he’s still there, alive, in a different part of the continent, it just wasn’t the same. Nobody was there to wake up the earliest and annoy them until they woke up. Nobody was there to make sure the dorm would always be clean. Nobody was there to leave lingering touches on Jonghyun accompanied by a soft voice at nights when he felt at his lowest. The members were there for each other, but they missed Minhyun terribly.
“Can we adopt Mingyu to Nu’est and leave Minhyun to Seventeen when he comes back?”
Jonghyun laughed at what Minki said. “What for?”
“Mingyu’s cooking is just so good and I don’t think we need Minhyun anyway, I like having my own bedroom.” Minki grinned.
Instead of showing their sadness about Minhyun being gone, they just mostly made a joke out of it. They learned that coping that way was better.
It’s not like Minhyun wasn’t going to come back. One and a half year might have sounded like a long time; but as they promoted as Nu’est W and went on their own schedules, participating on variety shows, time just seemed to fly them by.
They met Minhyun on award shows backstages, sneaking around so that people wouldn’t see them together. It’s funny, Jonghyun thought. It’s just like trying to hide a forbidden relationship between a female and a male idols.
“How’s the dorm without me?” Minhyun asked during one of those times where they’re at the backstage, waiting for their turns to perform.
Minki cleared his throat dramatically. “It’s ten times better.”
Minhyun smiled at that and pushed Minki jokingly. “I heard you wanted to replace me with Mingyu.”
“Oh, we already did,” Aron said.
Jonghyun just stared at Minhyun from the side, wondering where was the last time he got to see Minhyun like this. The taller was beautiful, more than ever. Wanna One’s stylists did him justice.
Their conversations flowed naturally. It’s as if Minhyun never left. Catching up with him was easy.
“I’m flattered that you made Nu’est W just because I’m not promoting with you guys,” Minhyun said.
Dongho snickered, “Haven’t you heard?”
“What?” Minhyun asked.
“After Wanna One disbanded, we’re adopting Guanlin to Nu’est,” said Dongho.
Minki frowned. “Wait, didn’t we agree on Daniel?”
“I thought we’re taking that Seongwu guy!” Aron chimed in.
Minhyun sighed exasperatedly, eliciting a laugh from Jonghyun. Being Nu’est was easy, he thought. It wasn’t always a silky road sprinkled with flower petals, but everything with them was fun and meaningful.
That was how Jonghyun learned that distance made the heart grow fonder. He learned that maybe back then he had taken Minhyun for granted. He’d thought that they would always be together no matter what, he’d forgot to cherish the simplest part of Minhyun.
His presence.
Maybe Jonghyun did cherish the fragments of Minhyun that consisted of his awkward gestures and stupid laugh, his cuddly personality and annoying habits; but he forgot that those are what made Minhyun whole. Without Minhyun itself, those little things had no vessel to call home.
Jonghyun also learned to take slow, unhurried steps when he’s going through a path to somewhere. He learned about the plants that could weather the snow during winter, he observed how and when those snow melted and the season turned to spring, he learned when the pinkish petals on the branches and on the ground started turning different shades of yellow, he learned when the snow started covering the dried leaves.
Before Jonghyun knew it, it’s already winter again. Racking leaves turned to shoving snow, coats exchanged for warmer outfits, hot chocolate always stocked in the kitchen courtesy of Aron.
“You haven’t missed me much, right? Is it okay if I just stay here until Therefore ends? We still can’t upload any content of me being Nu’est anyway.”
“It’s almost February,” Dongho pointed out.
Jonghyun was well aware. He was so aware because he was scrolling through his social media and seeing photos of Minhyun crying during Wanna One’s last concert. God, how it hurt Jonghyun that he couldn’t be there for Minhyun when he needed it the most. He hated it. He hated it so much.
“I’ve always said thank you to you, Wannables. But today, I’m sorry.
“I’m also sorry to the members, I suppose I could’ve been a better older brother, a better friend, and a better younger brother to you guys. But I didn’t, so I’m sorry.
“Thank you for all the memories, I’m happy.”
It’s funny how Minhyun’s last ment sounded a lot like Jonghyun. Where Minhyun comforted the others and understood them on times they didn’t think anyone would come to their aid, he thought he wasn’t good enough. It’s an awful lot like Jonghyun.
Now Jonghyun knew how time could change people. For the first time in one and a half year, Jonghyun felt scared. It was probably stupid of him, but he couldn’t help the thought that maybe Minhyun didn’t want to go back.
“I’ll be back soon, Jonghyun, stop worrying.”
But Jonghyun couldn’t help it. His insecurities were crawling up on him, seeping into the crevices of himself where he didn’t put his guard up. He’s scared and for the first time in ten years, Minhyun wasn’t there to comfort him.
It was selfish, he felt. Minhyun was the one who needed comforting the most, but Jonghyun chose this exact inconvenient time to be difficult. Though, he promised himself that when Minhyun’s back, Jonghyun would give him the biggest hug to make up for the years they’re apart. He just wished that Minhyun wouldn’t come back with a carving in his mind that said ‘Distance makes the heart forget’.
While sitting on the living room couch with a sheet of blanket, Jonghyun’s gaze chanced upon the clock hanging on the wall. It’s past twelve. It’s already January 28th. Minhyun said that he’d be back after midnidght and no one should wait for him. However, Jonghyun was stubborn. He wanted to wait until Minhyun’s back. He wanted to know that after everything Minhyun had been through, at least Jonghyun would always be there, acting as Minhyun’s home even if Minhyun didn’t think of him that way.
I’m going to eat outside with the others after the concert, don’t wait up for me.
But Jonghyun wouldn’t be a great leader if he listened to Minhyun.
It was two in the morning when a click was heard from the door. Jonghyun was already nodding off, but the sound took him back to his full senses. Knowing that it must be Minhyun, he shuffled to his feet, letting the blanket fall to the ground. He walked to the hall where the door was; and he watched how a familiar figure was closing the door with his back against Jonghyun.
Jonghyun leaned on the wall and crossed his arms in front of his chest, watching the scene in front of him unfold. Minhyun hadn’t noticed Jonghyun’s presence, it seemed. The taller just stood there, staring at the door with a thousand thoughts running in his mind. Minhyun sighed, letting a puff of air hit the door, before turning around.
Upon meeting Jonghyun’s warm gaze, Minhyun was surprised. He didn’t think that anyone would wait up after he told them not to.
“Uh, hi?” Minhyun said.
Jonghyun could see how puffy Minhyun’s eyes were, with all the crying that night and whatnot. Seeing him stepping inside the dorm seemed almost out of place, but right. It felt like it’d been too long since that happened and it was nice to feel like Minhyun belonged.
Instead of a greeting back, Jonghyun enveloped Minhyun in a hug. With his senses still working, he knew that it’s only natural that Minhyun would need some sort of comfort.
Minhyun accepted it. He accepted how after all the happiness of one and a half year and an excruciating one month plus a torture of four days, he finally got some sort of consolation from the one person he looked up to. Slipping into Jonghyun’s embrace was easy. Returning the gesture was easy.
“Welcome back,” Jonghyun whispered, instead of “Welcome home,” because he knew that it might not have been the case.
“I’ve missed you,” Minhyun mumbled, instead of “Thank you, I’m sorry I’ve been gone,” because he knew that Jonghyun understood.
Minhyun had been through so much. Going through the pain of struggling to the top, finally receiving the happiness he deserved, only to have everything ripped apart from him in a matter of days.
It was unfair. Life had been unfair to Minhyun and if Jonghyun could cast a spell to make Minhyun alright, he would. But Minhyun was grateful of the things that happened to him, it made him stronger, it gave him new bonds to the people he could now call his brothers, it made him learn that if they were idols then their struggles could never dissipate.
“Let’s go to sleep, Minhyun,” Jonghyun said, not wanting to let go of the hug.
Jonghyun felt the nod against his shoulder, so they trudged back to their now shared room.
Minhyun felt so tired that he didn’t even wash up and change his clothes before climbing to the bed and promptly falling asleep. Jonghyun shook his head fondly as he tucked Minhyun in and walked outside to sleep on the couch. He didn’t think he could sleep on the bed that night, but it’s fine.
(It’s a pleasant feeling knowing that he woke up still on the sofa but with Minhyun’s presence pressed up against him. He didn’t even realize when Minhyun moved. The sofa could barely contain the two of them, but it’s fine.)
Seeing Minhyun walking around the dorm and cleaning up hadn’t felt more amusing. Maybe because it’d been such a long time since Jonghyun last saw such kind of view. It’s also fun watching Minhyun bickering with the others like the old times. Minhyun just seemed to easily fit everywhere, Jonghyun realized that it must be the reason Minhyun had been hurting so much that he had to part with his brothers in Wanna One.
Jonghyun knew that goodbye didn’t mean forever and he’s glad. Sometimes he found Minhyun smiling to himself as he was chatting away on his device. Sometimes Minhyun just randomly passed on a greeting from the Wanna One members. Sometimes Minhyun showed Jonghyun his phone screen when facetiming Sungwoon or Seongwu. Jonghyun’s glad that Minhyun was happy, it didn’t matter that it wasn’t him who made Minhyun that way.
Jonghyun had something to tell Minhyun, but it had to wait.
So Jonghyun waited. And he waited until days passed. And he waited until weeks passed. And somehow, he waited until the snow melted to reveal pretty flowers and birds chirping.
It was past twelve when Jonghyun woke up from a nightmare. He couldn’t go back to sleep then, so he decided to go to the kitchen and get some water.
To Jonghyun’s surprise, he found a certain Hwang Minhyun sitting on their couch, humming to a familiar tune while writing some lyrics in his notebook. The television was playing some cartoon, Minhyun had it on low volume.
Minhyun looked up to see Jonghyun frozen on his steps. “Oh, hi.”
“Why are you up so late?” Jonghyun asked.
“Couldn’t sleep. Might as well do something productive.” Minhyun shrugged, continuing his work.
Ditching his former purpose of going to the kitchen, Jonghyun sat beside Minhyun on the sofa. Minhyun scooted over and draped some of his blanket on Jonghyun. Knowing that he wouldn’t have any work done with Jonghyun there, he closed his notebook and put it on the coffee table.
Minhyun rested his head on the sofa and stared at Jonghyun who was staring right back at him.
“Why are you up so late?” Minhyun asked.
“Woken up by a nightmare, can’t go back to sleep,” Jonghyun said.
“Poor thing. What do you want to do now?”
“I don’t know.”
Then, they stayed silent like that for a while. Jonghyun traced every single detail of Minhyun’s face with his gaze. He saw the tiredness in Minhyun’s eyes, but he also saw the corner of his lips naturally curled up to show a small smile. He saw how the year had taken a toll on him, how he looked thinner. He saw the happiness and the pain still lingering on that same face that usually told him that everything would be alright.
Jonghyun was thankful for Wanna One, how they pieced Minhyun back together after Nu’est only just seemed to broke him. He was thankful for Jisung, for being the leader he himself could never be for Minhyun. He was thankful for Seongwu, for being the friend Jonghyun could never be for Minhyun. He was thankful for everyone else, for making Minhyun happy and giving him the best memories. He was thankful for Wanna One for being there and taking care of Minhyun when he couldn’t.
"You'd do everything all over again with Wanna One, wouldn't you?" Jonghyun was surprised that he heard bitterness in his voice.
Minhyun didn't mind. He understood. He always did, always had. And he let out an unreadable smile.
"I would, Jonghyun." Minhyun said, loud and clear, as if he'd wanted to tell the sun and the stars.
Jonghyun hummed and smiled wistfully.
"I would, if it meant that at the end I could go back to you."
Jonghyun didn't understand. He never understood how Minhyun's voice and words could mean so much to him. All the uneasiness, all the worry that minhyun wouldn't be happy going back to Nu'est, all the insecurities he'd felt through this excruciating year, they all melted into a pool and swirled along a vortex at the very bottom; slowly, going away slowly, hypnotizing Jonghyun in a way that was inexplicably pleasant, until they're all gone.
"Why? I thought you're happy there? You've achieved all of your dreams with them," Jonghyun asked sincerely (as sincere as the morning dew melting away to mere water when meeting the sun upon noon).
Minhyun shrugged and let out a deep sigh. "I was. I was happy there. It helped me grow into a more responsible adult. I learned a lot of new things. It got me new brothers and experiences. I won't lie, they do feel like home. You would think so too if you'd been there. You know them, they're nice kids."
For once, Jonghyun understood. One and a half year wasn't a short time. He'd be damned if he said that in that amount of time he wouldn't bond with the others and just naturally fit each other like a cluster of stars.
"But I do know that it's bound to end anyway. It was tiring, you know? Having to work really hard every day, making every second matter because time was breathing down our neck. We had to make the most of it, we had to do comeback after comeback after comeback. Sometimes I feel sorry for the younger ones, the world is cruel on them." Minhyun's gaze lingered around the ceilings, crinkling with a thousand galaxies trapped inside.
Jonghyun stayed silent, letting Minhyun talk to his heart’s content.
"It’s really nice that we had each other to lean on during those hard but happy times. In a way, I’m glad that it’s over, but really sad at the same time. It was devastating, the last concert. I mean, I know I have you guys to come back home to, but what about the others?"
It was true and it was sad. Minhyun could still imagine Daehwi (the sweet baby Daehwi) crying, saying that he didn’t want to be alone.
And yes, though it was unfair to the other members, Minhyun was glad about how things turned out for himself. He could only wish the others would be happy, too.
Minhyun felt like being welcomed by autumn after a nice summer. Wanna One and Nu’est both felt pleasant, but in different ways. Summer was Wanna One. Hectic, fun, and full of surprises. It consisted of a lot of screaming and figuring out how things worked. There were adventures and roadtrips, beach balls and ice creams. There were accidents about the sun and facts about eleven in the evening being too young to meet the bed and its pillows.
Meanwhile, Nu'est was autumn. Breezy, unsteady, but certain. It consisted of long walks across bridges and racking leaves scattered about. There were special menus on coffee shops and awaited events, drying leaves but new sprouts of hope. There were giggles under a waning moon and hearts beating in sync with the rest of the universe.
Minhyun cherished both, he wouldn't want to choose if faced with such question.
"And anyway, all of this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't started it all with Nu'est," Minhyun said, as soft as the glow of dying fireflies and the tendrils of drying flower vines.
'I wouldn't have met you, wouldn't have wanted to go back home to you,' Minhyun thought.
Jonghyun's gaze turned bitter, just like his words earlier. "Yeah, you wouldn't even need to go through all the pain and suffering if we hadn't been Nu'est, if I hadn't been the leader."
Minhyun's forehead creased. "Stop saying that, I love the fact that we're Nu'est and that you're the leader. You're the greatest leader anyone could ever ask for."
"Tell me one event where i actually did my job right and we actually made it."
Minhyun smiled. "Easy. While you think that we didn't make it, I've been happy for all those years I spent with you guys. So, you've always done your job right. You're doing it right even now, you did it right yesterday for all of the days we went through and all the days we're in each other's absence, you'll do it right tomorrow and all the days that we will finally face together."
Jonghyun stared and stared; as if Minhyun had gone crazy or grown another head.
"How could—"
"You're perfect, Jonghyun, you should stop doubting yourself."
Maybe Jonghyun wanted to cry. Maybe it's because Minhyun had always been there for him since day one, had always been the one who understood Jonghyun the most, the one who stayed even though the storm just got angry and angrier. Maybe it's because he'd long fallen in love with Minhyun but refused to let himself feel more than just a void. Maybe, just maybe, he's ready to let himself go and trust Minhyun to catch him when he fell. Because Minhyun had always been there anyway, behind him, watching closely for when he would.
In a moment of surging courage, Jonghyun reached out his hand to carress Minhyun's cheek. "I couldn't have done it all without you."
It sounded like a normal Jonghyun; the normal Jonghyun that was thankful for his members, but Minhyun understood. He always did, always would. He understood and believed that maybe Jonghyun had stopped being so scared of the world, of hurting his friends, of letting himself be happy.
Minhyun took Jonghyun's hand that was on his cheek and brought it to his lips, leaving vivid kisses on the knuckles that would definitely leave an imprint in Jonghyun's mind. It felt nice. It felt natural. It's as if the clockworks stopped spinning idly because finally eternity was there to catch up with them and they had all the time in the world at their disposal.
And maybe nobody had to rush anything, but Minhyun's heart couldn't wait for a nanosecond longer. He wanted Jonghyun to know, he wanted his universe to know.
"I love you, Jonghyun."
It wasn't anything extravagant or overly done. They were sitting on the couch in early morning, clad in pyjamas, bodies half on top of each other, and the television was playing a rerun of an old cartoon. But somehow, Minhyun just made it click, made it perfect. Jonghyun thought that it was perfect, even though there were dark circles under Minhyun's eyes and the worst case of bedhead woven onto his hair. Minhyun's still beautiful, still perfect in Jonghyun's eyes, and he wanted to keep it all to himself.
“Would you like me to say it back?” Jonghyun asked with a teasing lilt to his voice.
Minhyun frowned. “You’re ruining the moment.”
“And you’re ruining my confession, I was supposed to say it first,” Jonghyun retorted.
“Oh really? Then try saying it.”
“I lov—"
But before Jonghyun could say anything, he felt a soft pair of lips crashing on his own. It surprised him, but Jonghyun’s eyes fluttered close as he savored the taste of Minhyun’s lips that he’d been dreaming for years. They melded together naturally, the way the clouds would sometimes merge with each other. Jonghyun felt himself getting dizzy, euphoric from the way Minhyun moved against his lips and having one arm embracing his waist, holding him in place. Minhyun’s other hand cupped Jonghyun’s cheek softly, carressing him in small circular gestures.
Jonghyun couldn’t get enough. He couldn’t get enough of Minhyun invading all of his senses. He pulled Minhyun impossibly closer until their chests were flush against each other, legs tangled under the blanket, with Jonghyun’s arms around Minhyun’s neck.
Minhyun kissed him like he’s been starved for years. He pressed closer against Jonghyun’s lips, stealing all of his breath away, leaving Jonghyun sighing contentedly. When Jonghyun accidentally let out a moan, Minhyun’s face burned in embarrassment because ‘I did that to Jonghyun.’
When Minhyun pulled away, Jonghyun unconsciously followed after him, the feeling still lingering there, tingling his lips in a funny way.
Minhyun chuckled. “I said, try saying it, Jonghyun.”
Jonghyun was still dazed, breathless from the way Minhyun kissed him, but he tried again anyway. “I already tried saying it Minhyun, I love—"
Minhyun swooped in to give Jonghyun a peck on the lips. Jonghyun blinked.
“Minhyun, that’s unfair.”
Minhyun just put on a faux confused face. “What did I do?”
Jonghyun sighed exasperatedly. “You’re cheating! I just wanted to say that I love y—"
Again, Minhyun leaned in to leave a longer peck on Jonghyun’s lips.
“Let me finish, you bastard.”
Minhyun grinned. “I can’t help it, I’ve been wanting to do this since forever.”
Jonghyun was stunned. Since forever? How could he…? As long as Jonghyun remembered, he was the only one in love with Minhyun.
“Since when?” Jonghyun asked, curious.
The tip of Minhyun’s ears got really red, inviting a raise of eyebrow from Jonghyun.
“Why’d you ask?” Minhyun asked back instead.
“Because I’ve been in love with you since forever too,” Jonghyun was finally able to get it out.
Minhyun’s gaze softened. So their feelings were reciprocated all along?
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Minhyun asked.
Jonghyun stuttered, “Because you’re just too good to be true.”
“What is that supposed to mean? I mean, I’ve been holding back because I thought I don’t deserve you. You’re the greatest leader I’ve ever met, the most selfless person that always smiles even to the bitter end, the exact same person that always makes me happy without knowing, and I’m just Minhyun.”
The way Minhyun said it, Jonghyun hated it. He’s not just Minhyun. He’s the exact same Minhyun that understood Jonghyun the most, the one who held him when he couldn’t hold himself together, the one who took after him and all his scars, the one he wouldn’t mind spending the rest of his days with. So Jonghyun told Minhyun exactly that.
It left Minhyun breathless, the way he did Jonghyun earlier with the kiss.
“You’re a lot more than just a pretty face, Minhyun, and people just don’t seem to know that,” Jonghyun said.
“Oh so you like me because I’m pretty? Touché.” Minhyun grinned.
“I hate you so much.”
“Aw, I thought you love me, Jju.”
Jonghyun’s face heated up at the fond nickname.
“I do, Minhyun, I do love you,” Jonghyun said, pouring all his heart out in one simple sentence while stroking Minhyun’s hair.
Minhyun closed his eyes. “I love you, too.”
They slept on the couch again that night, facing each other with foreheads touching, hands intertwined and legs tangled together. Maybe their past hadn’t been perfect, but with each other, they didn’t have to worry about anything else.
They’d make anything work, somehow.