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The concept of love still baffled him, if he were to be honest. Gaara no longer scorned the emotion; it was the opposite, in fact, and he openly embraced feeling something pure and genuine. But it was one thing to accept it into his life, but to be able to properly express himself through it was still something far beyond his reach. He had spent too many years on the outside, watching the world as his hatred and resentment grew around him before it almost swallowed him whole.
That was in the past. There were many people backing him now. People he had only recently gotten to know over the last few years, and people who were supporting him all along and he never noticed until then. Gaara was eternally grateful of the fact that he no longer had to spend every day raging against the world. But the leap from having no ties to many was a large one, and he occasionally had trouble handling it all. Once, while he was patrolling the grounds, a small child opened her arms wide in front of him and asked for a hug. He lost his calm demeanor instantly and internally panicked, going through all the ways to reject the proposal until Temari rolled her eyes and pushed him towards the girl.
It was small things like that that shook the ninja. He knew he was finally one of them, but at times his mind and his body needed to be constantly reminded of this. He forced his muscles to relax when friendly faces approached. They were allies, they weren’t here to attack him, he did not need to be on guard every fraction of a second. Only the fact that he was a Kage made him feel less shameful about the paranoia. Someone at his position would always be targeted. It was one of the less favorable parts of the job, but it was something he was already accustomed to.
There were other things he was used to. The feel of sand tucked deep into his nails and the weight of a blade on his palm were embedded into him. And there was something else—someone, even, if he dared to admit it. Naruto. He glanced at him now, over at the other side of the room and laughing at some idiotic joke that he made. Sakura sat beside him, her facial expression constantly switching between amused and exasperated. The Hyuuga girl, Hinata, was at his other side. The faint blush on her cheeks that appeared occasionally when she spoke to the blond bothered Gaara, but he wasn’t entirely sure why. He ignored it.
It was rare to have gatherings like this. Everyone was constantly busy now, rebuilding after the events of the recent war. But it was Naruto’s birthday, and it was a unanimous agreement that they were going to celebrate it. From what Gaara had gathered, it was the first time he ever had an actual party. He invited everyone—literally—and Gaara had to cancel some plans in order to make it. His advisors weren’t thrilled at his actions, but he knew that he had to do this. If there was one thing that deserved to be celebrated, it was Naruto.
Gaara had been sitting with his siblings, but the moment Shikamaru appeared, Temari ditched them. Kankuro disappeared between his fifth or sixth cup of sake that someone had brought in. There were loud voices coming from outside, so Gaara had a feeling that they were getting into some sort of mischief out there. Even though he was by himself now, he didn’t actually feel alone. Rock Lee would occasionally flash that obnoxious smile at him every now and then, and Ino started some long conversation about whether or not tattooing your face hurt earlier. He wasn’t too fond of the topic, but he indulged the girl anyway.
Still, he wasn’t entirely used to it. For the most part, whenever he had to deal with people it was for more serious reasons. But to be surrounded by so much joy in one small space practically suffocated him, making him fret about how he should present himself or how friendly he had to be. Naruto had once told him that it would come naturally to him one day, and he really wanted to believe that.
He stole another glance at him. He was telling some sort of tale now, using his hands to make wild gestures to better illustrate the story. Judging by the faces of the people listening to him, he must have been talking about something incredibly ridiculous. Gaara almost walked over so he could hear it as well, but the door opened as soon as he began to shift in his chair.
Sasuke entered, although he appeared to be worn out. He had been on a mission so everyone had thought that he wouldn’t make it. Sakura and Naruto instantly turned towards him and waved him over. The grin on the blond was so wide that the sand ninja was surprised it didn’t cover his entire face. That also made him uncomfortable, much like the way Hinata occasionally did. It was—he wasn’t sure what it was. But Gaara understood that there was a deep bond between those three, especially when it concerned Sasuke.
That was it, maybe. Naruto was Gaara’s best and dearest friend. That was an undeniable truth of the universe. The stars crept out along the sky at night. Ninjas would always have war. Naruto was special to him. These were all basic facts. Yet it didn’t go both ways. The redhead knew that Naruto cared about him, but he did not consider him his best friend. That role was filled before Gaara had entered the picture. He accepted it. He lived with it. Sometimes, though, it hurt.
He silently watched for a couple more minutes before getting up. The noise from outside had increased, and he figured he might as well check to see if they were having fun out there and not, you know, getting murdered. He quickly went out the door and was relieved to see that it was just them acting stupidly under the effects of alcohol. Most of them were too young to be drinking, but the adults apparently decided to let it pass for tonight. Or maybe it was because they were adults too, in a metaphorical sense. They had all seen too much to be considered mere children.
Gaara wasn’t outside for long when the door opened behind him. It was Naruto, all smiles and cheer, and Gaara could not believe how much he felt for this other boy. He didn’t understand why he was being so emotional about it that night. But since he arrived in Konoha his heart had been beating erratically nonstop, almost as if it was trying to communicate with him. Whatever it was trying to say was lost in translation though; Gaara wasn’t too experienced in listening to that particular organ.
Naruto stood next to him, their shoulders brushing slightly at certain points. “Pretty wild, huh?”
It took Gaara a second to understand what he was referring to. “Underaged drinking is illegal, you know.”
“The Hokage seems pretty okay with it,” the blond snorted, pointing over at Tsunade. She did, in fact, seem fine with her new drinking buddies.
Silence enveloped them, but it was comfortable. Naruto was usually always running his mouth for whatever reason, but his composure was calmer at times when he was with Gaara. He understood though. How you could go from being despised by everyone who surrounded you to… to this. Gaara knew that the other ninja wasn’t as used to it as he let on. But his approach to the entire situation had been so different from Gaara’s that it wasn’t surprising that he adjusted more easily. Naruto was amazing in that way.
He was amazing.
“I want to show you something,” Gaara finally said. “It’s my gift.”
“You actually got me a present?” Naruto sounded both surprised and thrilled. He rubbed his palms together in anticipation. “What are we waiting here for then?”
Gaara laughed at that, so softly that it would have been impossible to tell except for the small tremors that formed as his shoulders shook. Naruto was close enough that he must have felt it though. His smile grew broader, which had seemed impossible.
They walked away from the festivities. Naruto appeared confused when they didn’t reenter the house, but he followed along anyway. It had taken Gaara a while to find a good location. If they were back in his village, it wouldn’t have been any problem. Everything was sand there. He had more options if they went outside the newly built gates, but he didn’t want to waste much of the blond’s time. He had other guests to entertain.
The area was deserted when they arrived. Gaara had expected as much, since its seclusion was the reason he chose it, but he wasn’t entirely familiar with Konoha. He didn’t know how different it would be at night versus the day time. Naruto quite obviously scanned the place, searching to see where the mystery gift was hidden. It wasn’t anything like that though. Gaara wasn’t even certain if it was a good idea or not.
The other ninja just looked at him expectantly. Knowing that he had lost any chance to back out of this, Gaara sighed and stepped forward. When Naruto went to move with him, he held a hand up to make him stop. He loathed feeling nervous, but everything inside him was jittery at that moment. It was frustrating, really, and he knew that his siblings would mock him if he ever tried to explain this to them. Maybe Naruto wouldn’t.
“Just watch,” he said softly, his voice barely audible over the sound of the village rustling around them. Naruto must have heard, though, as he stood up straighter at the words. Gaara turned away from him, focusing all his attention towards the ground before him. He breathed in, and felt it. The sand. It surrounded him, spoke to him, and once he was fully satisfied that they were one, he made it dance.
He wasn’t exactly sure what gave him the idea. It was, admittedly, not something he really thought of attempting except for when he was a small child. But the dirt moved easily, swirling through the air as naturally as a bird. He took a quick peek at Naruto, who was still watching, although he was obviously somewhat confused. Gaara tried not to smile at his friend’s bewilderment. He only slightly failed.
The sand began to take form. It transformed into a miniature Naruto, waving excitedly at his older self. The real Naruto waved back, laughing. But he sobered up when other sand forms appeared beside him. Gaara knew fairly well what the Fourth Hokage had looked like because of the war. The mother, Kushina, was a little trickier. Judging by the expression on Naruto’s face, though, he probably did a decent job on recreating her. He morphed the sand, showing Naruto’s growth throughout the years. New figures joined them—Kakashi, Iruka, Sakura, Sasuke. The other villagers. They all surrounded the Naruto made of sand, swaying slightly in the faint breeze. And then, suddenly, they all vanished with the exception of Naruto’s. The figure was small now, once again in the form of a child.
Another sand figure appeared, this one also the same size as the blond’s. They stood awkwardly apart from each other, but they gradually started to move towards each other. And, finally, they were side by side. Gaara hesitated for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing together as he considered his next move. Before he could change his mind, he interlaced their hands together before scattering the sand into the wind. He sighed in relief once the show was over, but embarrassment quickly overcame him. He didn’t quite know how to face his friend after that sappy display. He wasn’t even certain if he liked it.
A hand touched his shoulder. He tensed for a second, but he knew it was just Naruto. The redhead turned towards him, and he was taken aback from the look of pure and utter fondness that was etched onto his features. It mirrored his expression from when Naruto had brought him back to life, that tentative curl of his lips that spoke more volumes than any word could.
“Thanks,” Naruto said, his eyes full of warmth. Everything about him was warm, from his voice to his soul. Gaara wanted to wrap himself in it, and he knew that if he could that he would never feel that dark abyss ever again. He didn’t respond vocally and instead just nodded his head before starting to walk back to the party. Naruto fell into step next to him. The trek back was quiet, peaceful even, and Gaara almost hoped that they would never reach their destination. But he could already hear the voices ahead of them, and he knew that this moment would end.
Suddenly, a hand slipped into his. Gaara almost tripped, which was pretty high on the list of things Kages should not do. He looked at their now joined hands, nestled into each other, and he thought about love again. He loved Naruto, he knew that much, but he also understood that there were different forms of love. The love for family, friends, and more. He wasn’t sure of which category what he felt for this person fell into. Whatever it was, that spot had been reserved just for him.
When everyone else came into view, they untangled their fingers. Naruto yelled gleefully at them, and with a wave at Gaara, he ran off to join them. The sand ninja watched him tackle a startled Kiba to the ground. Cursing joined the laughter. Before Gaara could make any move on where to go next, his sister slid next to him. Her clothing was slightly disheveled, making him wonder what she had been up to until he decided he actually rather not find out.
Temari lightly bumped into him. “The old farts back home are going to be unbearable because we did this, but I’m glad we did.”
Gaara nodded. No one agreed more than him.