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When you’re looking at a starry sky, your body fills with a warm uncertainty. The immensity of the universe, the incredibly tiny spot we take in it, the brightness the stars alone radiate, the weird sensation on your stomach when you think about the beautiful, yet intriguing scenery before you. It’s even more stunning when you’re used to a dark sky, illuminated only through plenty of huge buildings staying awake even at night, leaving the mysterious white glitter hiding from them.
When you’re looking at a starry sky, that is, which he should be doing right now. However, the immensity of the deep curiosity on certain eyes, the incredibly tiny spot he takes in the other’s mind at the moment, the brightness his small, but certainly evident smile radiates and the weird sensation on his stomach when he thinks about his companion is what’s making Rikka feel uncertain, not the stars. He hasn’t even stared at them for longer than a couple of seconds before being captivated by another view; one even bluer than the sky itself.
It was, of course, one of Tsubasa’s ideas. Incredibly so, Shiki finished all his workload and meetings that week ahead of time, and without sacrificing hours of sleep even, which was a victory on Rikka’s side. Of course, Haiduki helped him out with most things, but that meant they all had an empty schedule for the weekend. Rikka was glad enough to have more than a whole day to rest, but his younger unit mate didn’t have the same plans. Let’s go on a trip! A trip!¸ he kept enthusiastically yelling to the other three members. Although his excitement usually rubbed off on him, he had to admit it was rushed and he’d rather relax in their own dormitory to start the new week with recharged energy. He tried to explain that to Tsubasa, but he kept insisting, as he usually does.
It was a given that both Shiki and Dai were also against his plan, knowing their home-loving—and anti-Tsubasa’s-ideas—nature. Things were quickly escalating to a silly argument over something completely different (“We’d have to drive, Tsubasa. Who’s doing that?” “Well, not you, of course. I’m definitely the best one out of th—” “No, you’re not. You almost made me throw up.” “You have no right to say that when you don’t even have a license.”) and Rikka, who also knew very well his own nature, had to put a stop to it.
“Alright. Listen—oh my God, Dai, don’t rile him even more—, listen! Maybe Tsubasa’s idea isn’t that bad.” The mentioned immediately hollered victorious, this is why you’re my favorite! “If we don’t go somewhere too far we can probably relax as much as we want. It doesn’t have to be a trip full of activities.” He saw Tsubasa pout now, but no further complaint was heard.
Shiki sighed.
“Fine. But I’m choosing where to stay.”
As the leader said, he quickly found a rentable apartment in a close village he affirmed he knew beforehand. He then proceeded to list all the closest bars and hot springs to the location, which validated his previous statement. Everyone seemed fine with the choice but Tsubasa, who started complaining about how boring it sounds, there are no shops around! What is he supposed to do, talk to locals? Woo the old ladies? Though he’s very good at t—
Ignoring his nonstop grumpy talk, even if Rikka found it endearing to some extent, they started packing everything they needed for the weekend. The village was only one hour’s drive away—Rikka driving this time, just so Tsubasa and Shiki could be in silence for once—, so they could arrive before night time. The first evening there was how it was supposed to be: relaxing. After leaving their bags—suitcase, in Tsubasa’s case—in their shared room, they spent the rest of the day strolling through the surroundings. Nothing was really remarkable besides that the list Shiki recited from memory before was on point. After that, since they had work that day after all, they decided to go to bed early to get proper rest.
Rikka kept an eye on the three idols at all time, worried about their enjoyment of this trip. It was kind of his decision too, and he couldn’t apologize enough if he made the others waste time in a place where they were uncomfortable. Fortunately, Tsubasa wasn’t complaining at all, Shiki smiled from time to time admiring the rural scenery and Dai… was being Dai?
Rikka froze.
He was acting pretty much like any other day, or even more cheerful. He admitted he liked the place out loud once, he quietly took some pictures… Nothing gave away discomfort of any kind. That didn’t make Rikka stop feeling uneasy, though. Wasn’t it weird? It’s like he was perfectly going along with everything, even mentioning small stuff from time to time, suggesting what to do the following days and looking directly at their eyes. He was more willing than usual, evidently having fun with their quick trip.
Or so everyone else would think. Rikka couldn’t pinpoint exactly what, but there definitely was something off.
“Rikka?” Dai called.
He didn’t notice he stopped walking while thinking. Dai also stopped to check on him, looking behind his shoulder but not really turning around.
“Ah… sorry.”
“Did you forget something?” Since Dai saw Rikka walking again, he did the same.
“Uhm… Maybe?”
Tsubasa jumped in front of him after hearing their short conversation.
“Nooooope, no time for that now, Rikka. You said it yourself, it’s chilling time. You can worry about stuff later,” he said while patting Rikka’s shoulder. Dai, on his end, just sighed and joined Shiki, but before hiding his face Rikka could see a hint of curiosity, clearly seeing through him. That’s rare.
But Tsubasa was right: worrying this much is against the very first reason of this trip.
He smiled, “I guess you’re right.”
The next day, everyone managed to wake up unusually late except for Dai. When Rikka appeared in the shared room, being the second one to detach himself from the sheets, he was surprised to see the younger man already awake and active, noticing he was wearing sport clothes.
“Good morning, Dai. Are you going for a run even here?” he tilted his head. “I thought we all agreed on being lazy this weekend?”
Dai unzipped his jacket and looked at it for a second, then tossed it on the couch instead of putting it away neatly.
“There. I was lazy.”
Rikka looked at him processing what just happened. Was Dai… trying to joke with him? For real?
He laughed a bit too loud.
“…It wasn’t even that funny,” Dai commented somewhat embarrassed, but Rikka’s cackle rub off on him a bit and he tried to hide the side smile that formed after that. Rikka didn’t miss it, though. “I was about to.”
“You aren’t anymore?” Rikka asked without paying much attention while taking a couple drinks from the fridge. When he didn’t get an answer after giving one of them to Dai, he got suspicious. “Dai?”
For some reason, Dai was avoiding looking at him directly, blushing.
“I mean… It’s late. It’s fine.”
Weird. It looked like Dai had been up for quite some time, he could’ve gone already if he wanted to. Unless—
Ah.
He was waiting for Rikka?
Before he could ask him about it, Shiki emerged from the bedroom and Dai immediately changed his focus on him, exchanging good mornings.
That’s also rare.
Even if Tsubasa already told him yesterday, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. And at the same time, he wishes he could stop thinking about it, because the conclusion he reached was too far-fetched. Way too far-fetched. Dai was being weird with everyone, not only towards him, right?
He really disliked the idea of having to ask someone else in order to reach a clear answer, but at this point he was uncapable of doing it alone. Tsubasa is the one closest to Dai, so it’s only natural he knew him best. However, he could turn things weird if he used too many of his braincells for this. Shiki is unbiased and could provide a serious answer, but maybe his bluntness wasn’t what he was looking for at that moment.
Rikka sighed. He was too old for this.
They were looking for a place for dinner and, taking advantage from the loud noises the locals were making promoting their own establishments, Rikka slowed his pace a bit so he could be separated from Dai and Tsubasa and reached out to Shiki.
“Can I ask you something?” he asked in a lower voice.
Shiki turned to look at him and nodded, inviting him to go on.
“Do you think Dai is acting strange?” he asked again, looking in front of him to make sure the mentioned wasn’t hearing them.
His leader hesitated for a moment, but quickly replied, “how so?”
His tone had a certain playfulness Rikka hadn’t heard in a long while. And Rikka was certain he didn’t like it.
“I have a feeling you know what I mean…” he laughed nervously.
“Not at all. Explain.”
“Are you having fun?”
“I am. Explain.”
“Shiki, I know you know what—”
“That’s not an explanation.”
Rikka sighed. It seemed like his person of choice wasn’t the correct one, but what could he do now. He tucked his hair behind his ear and stared at Dai’s back.
“Is he… suddenly paying too much attention to everyone?”
“No.”
Rikka looked at Shiki, not having expected that answer. Maybe he was just imagining things? He smiled, of course he was! If Shiki thought he was being his usual self, then—
“To you though? He definitely is.”
—then he was damned.
During dinner, Rikka accepted reality.
Dai was definitely being more thoughtful with him. Asked him rather than the others for anything, walked closer to him, showed even more shyness than usual, stared at him and sat next to him on purpose. The reason behind that was unexplored territory, but Rikka was no fool. Not when he had the same modus operandi with the people he’d liked in the past. Rikka competed at an advantage though, since it was practically his nature, which wasn’t Dai’s case at all. Nobody suspected Rikka’s feelings; Dai’s were too evident.
Accepting reality didn’t mean knowing exactly what to do. He could ignore it altogether since it could go terribly wrong, wasn’t allowed, was too risky, could even affect their job. He didn’t even know if Dai was serious with this, if Rikka himself was serious with this.
He knew too well.
It was just a crush.
It wasn’t.
It’d happened before. He could get over it.
He couldn’t.
He didn’t even react that much upon discovering Dai’s feelings! It was just surprising.
His heart couldn’t stop beating the second he realized something was going on.
It’s not different this time. They always find someone else; feelings disappear after a while.
It’s been years now. Do they?
Do they?
“Rikka, pass m—” and as Dai was trying to get his attention with an innocent, carefree and friendly shoulder touch, Rikka stood up, hid his face and apologized faking feeling ill as he quickly left a 5000-yen bill and ran out of the restaurant.
He had nowhere to hide. They were sharing the same apartment for the next day too, they lived together, they worked together. What now?
He eventually returned to the vacation place and, for the first time in forever, he sobbed.
His phone ringed once, but he was still crying. By the second time it did, he was in the balcony, no longer teary, but he didn’t have the strength to talk yet. He sent a quick text to the group chat—Sorry, I suddenly felt my stomach sick ^^;; will sleep soon, go out without me—knowing fully well no one was going to believe him, but at least letting them know he was in a safe place.
Or so he thought, when he suddenly heard the door of the balcony being open and a panting voice.
“I’m sorry.”
And Rikka just smiled bittersweetly at him. Of course he’d come. Of course he’d be the first one to check on him. Of course he’d be putting that pained face over seeing Rikka in his ugliest moment, eyes puffed and face red from a breakdown. Of course his arm would twitch to move, to hug him, but would decide to not do so for now.
“What are you apologizing for?” Rikka asked quietly, looking at the sky above their heads.
“I… You… Uh, is it because of me?”
“Yeah.”
He didn’t have the heart to look at Dai then. He didn’t want to see a new kind of sadness over his face. Silently, Dai just stood next to him, looking at the same sky. He puffed a laugh.
“I fucked it up, right?”
“It’s not what you think,” replied Rikka.
Silence.
“…Forget about it?” he tried to state, but it came out as a question instead. Rikka’s only answer was closing his eyes and focusing again on the stars, which, he noticed, were abundant.
He wished he could do as Dai said. He really did. If only he had answers… At least he was going to try, and changing topics was the first thing that came to his mind in order to do that.
“You never see a night view like this in the city,” Rikka commented.
“Uh… I guess not,” sighed Dai, not really understanding the sudden change, but focusing again on what the other man was talking about. Rikka noticed he suddenly got too interested, seeing how his eyes widened and how his face lightened up. He smiled.
Dai was a gift, being this easily delighted by a beautiful scenery. Dai was cute, stepping forward trying to get closer to the constellations as if he could ever reach them. Dai was thoughtful, even if he wanted to hide it, keeping his mouth shut so they could enjoy the view as if nothing happened a few minutes ago. Dai was very easy to read, moving a little aside so Rikka could join him on the edge of the balcony —which he did. Dai wasn’t perfect, yet he was his whole world right now, stars a second thought. Dai liked him.
“Ah, that one is particularly bright,” Dai absent-mindedly noted.
Rikka was madly in love with him.
“Yeah,” he whispered, and Dai curiously turned to face him, hearing Rikka’s voice way closer than before. He was almost leaning on him, basically piercing him with his stare, grinning. He got his answers, he needed Dai’s now, and if SolidS taught him something these couple of years, was that you don’t get what you want unless you risk it all.
As Dai’s face turned completely red over their proximity and the fact that Rikka just blatantly flirted with him, the older man cupped his face with his hands. Rikka was sure Dai could feel his pulse through his palms with how hard his heart was beating, but he didn’t care. He felt his stomach sick for real this time, but he didn’t care.
He kissed Dai. A long push of lips, noses brushing against each other sweetly, hands meeting each other’s napes. Dai kissed him back.
Immediately after that was over, Rikka thought he hadn’t seen Dai this confused in his life, but Dai hugged the smaller man tightly anyway.
“Are you being serious?” he asked firmly but trembling, voice muffled in Rikka’s shoulder.
“Do you want this to be serious?” Rikka asked back, trying to suppress any fear on his voice.
“I would never, ever act like that trying to not die of embarrassment if I didn’t want to,” he nuzzled against his shirt. “Hell, I even let Tsubasa make fun of me because of it.”
Rikka laughed. “I guess you’re right.”
And the stars observed their second kiss.