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doyoung closed his laptop and sighed. he saw it coming. he knew he won’t see his face and his name in the vlive channel of yg treasure box. but despite this, that doesn’t mean he didn’t hoped. because deep inside him, he hoped that he will see his face, he hoped that he will see his name, he hoped that he will finally reach his dreams.
but reality is just very cruel.
doyoung placed his arms on top of his laptop and shoved his face onto them.
he felt numb. he was happy for the other trainees who made it. he truly was. but that doesn’t he wasn’t sad. that doesn’t mean he wasn’t envious of them. they can finally stand on stage and perform. they are no longer a trainee. they have finally achieved their dreams.
while he’s still in the practice room, practicing despite not knowing what will come in the future.
doyoung’s thoughts got halted when he heard his phone ring. he removed his face from his arms and checked who was calling him.
damie hyung ♡ calling...
his heart skipped a bit. he reached for his phone and just held it until the ringing stopped and the call became a missed call. he wanted to answer the call, it was yedam, of course he would want to answer the call. but he was scared. scared that he might breakdown the moment he hear yedam’s voice. he didn’t want yedam to know his weak side. he is yedam’s strength, and showing his weakness to him won’t do yedam any good. and doyoung didn’t want that.
before a minute could even pass, doyoung’s phone rang again, and just as expected, it was yedam.
doyoung took and deep breathe, cleared his throat, and answered the call, “hi hyung,” he cheerfully beamed.
“where are you?” yedam’s voice was weak. and shaking. doyoung knew yedam too well to not notice that the older had been crying.
despite this, doyoung still tried to play it cool because he didn’t want yedam to cry anymore, “at the practice room, why?”
“just stay right there. wait for me.”
and with that, the call ended.
three minutes after the phone call, the door of the practice room opened and a puffy-eyed yedam with tears on his cheeks is seen at the entrance.
“hyung! why are you crying?” doyoung hurriedly went to yedam and hugged him tightly, too worried to even care how full of sweat he is because of practicing too hard.
“don’t act like you don’t know.” the older said in between his sobs.
doyoung’s heart shattered. he hated to see yedam like this because of him. he hated himself for not working hard enough to debut.
“it’s okay, hyung. i’m okay. i can just debut next time, you know?” the younger said in a soft manner in order to comfort yedam.
“i— i can’t leave you here alone, dobby. i just can’t.”
and that was the time it hit doyoung.
he won’t debut with yedam. he won’t debut with his bestfriend. he won’t debut with the person he treasures the most.
doyoung’s mind went blank and just found himself hugging yedam tighter than ever before. and before he knew it, tears were already rolling down his cheeks. while in yedam’s arms.
this time, he was the one who shoved his face onto the other’s neck. he didn’t want yedam to see him cry. doyoung didn’t want yedam to see him weak.
he didn’t want to cry. he wasn’t going to cry. but yedam, oh god yedam is his weakness. all he could think about was the promises they have made. doyoung hated making promises he couldn’t keep, and so he told yedam he would do everything so that he won’t break his promises.
but one of doyoung’s promises to yedam was to debut together.
and for the very first time in his life, he broke his promise.
“i’m sorry,” doyoung said in a very little voice, “hyung i’m so sorry.”
all the younger could say was sorry. he blamed himself for everything. he thought that maybe, if he only worked a little bit harder enough, then he would debut. then, he wouldn’t have broke his promise. then, he wouldn’t have broke yedam’s heart. then, he wouldn’t have broke his own heart.
“don’t say sorry, dobby. you’ve worked very hard all throughout and i hope you know that. you did well, doyoung-ah.”
doyoung felt his heart clench at the words yedam uttered. it was the words he had been wanting to hear. doyoung always thought he didn’t deserve to hear these words, but this time, he wanted to believe.
i’ve worked hard. i did well. i have nothing to regret.