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Patty sat drinking in the silent sanctuary of her office. It had been a bitch of a day, from getting caught in a traffic snarl up on the way in, to snagging her stocking on a rare ragged fingernail at almost ten o clock at night. She was beyond tired, beyond feeling anything at all, she was just numb. Numb with fatigue and an emptiness she could not assuage with work. Phil was long gone, Michael was lost to her now and for the first time in her thirty year career, work was no longer enough. She poured a large glass of bourbon and it slipped down quickly and easily. She replaced the contents and downed a second, feeling the welcome burn and buzz as the liquor flowed through her bloodstream. The third took a little longer, the tension finally left her body. She sat back in her chair, slipped off her shoes and rested her head on the chair back blowing out a long sigh. Everyone had long since left, the case was over, the ensuing celebration was muted and weary. It had been a long haul, an exhausting, tumultuous trek through one family’s greed and corruption. The Tobin's were no more, they had turned on each other and imploded. The wreckage would be strewn across the press tomorrow and Patty’s name would loom large in the headlines once more.
Tom Shays, her trusty lieutenant for years was gone. Yet another casualty in the war of her professional life. A decent man with a wife and two children. A man whose dedication to her had stifled his career and ambition. A man too ashamed of his own mistakes to come to her for help. A dead man. Patty’s stomach churned and she noticed with surprise her glass was empty, automatically she poured another and brought it to her lips knowing the alcohol would not wash away the pain and guilt but perhaps it would drown it for a while. She chuckled bitterly, she had never lied to herself. Patty rummaged through her purse found her small manicure case and dealt with the offending nail. She peered at it, clipped, smoothed and filed. The familiarity of the action was soothing, she poured another drink and checked her watch, almost midnight, another day was about to begin. Time ticked on regardless, uncaring of loss, triumph or tragedy. Patty swivelled side to side slowly in her chair, her glass was almost empty again. As she reached for the bottle she sensed a presence in the darkened doorway. Her eyes traced over the ghostly figure of Ellen Parsons. The young woman looked spectral in the dim light cast by her desk lamp. Her large expressive eyes dominated her hollow cheeked face, they brimmed with unshed tears. She also looked exhausted, defeated and weighed down with grief. Her lips were slightly parted, her brain no doubt considering and rejecting the platitudes that meant nothing. She settled on a soft husky “hey” from the safety of doorway. Patty tipped her glass and allowed a soft smile in lieu of reply. Ellen had returned to her side to fight this battle, she had left the wastelands of the DA’s office to return to what Patty considered to be her rightful home. That feeling was gone now, Ellen would leave and this time Patty would not attempt to draw her back in. Perhaps they would maintain a professional contact, most likely not. Ellen, sweet, deceptive Ellen who wanted everything Patty had but was not prepared to pay for it. She had no clue what it actually cost to be Patty Hewes. The younger woman took a couple of steps into the office and approached her former employer with caution. Patty was obviously heavily under the influence, her flushed skin, glazed eyes and slumped posture told their own story. Her shoes were abandoned under the desk, Patty’s legs were bare save for a coating of pale pink polish decorating her toenails.
“I've been calling.” Ellen spoke quietly.
Patty picked up her cell she had muted three hours ago and noticed a slew of missed calls. She shrugged and drew in a breath but let it out without words. For once she didn't have any, she looked all in, defeated. Small. It made Ellen's heart ache in her chest.
“Come on, I'll take you home.”
Patty raised her head to meet the concerned gaze of the young woman who fought her at every turn. The woman she tried to silence in a fit of insanity three years ago. The only other human on the planet who had the slightest idea what she was feeling. The only one who had come to her door when she desperately needed somebody. Something.
Patty uncrossed her legs and placed her hands on the desk to haul herself upright. She swayed and shook her head slowly in an attempt to clear it of the clouds of alcohol that pervaded her brain. Ellen was at her side in an instant, her hands gripped Patty’s arms to steady her. A tear escaped Ellen’s eye and rolled unchecked down her cheek. When she was sure Patty could stand unaided, Ellen bent and fumbled under the desk for the blonds shoes. Tenderly she lifted one foot and encased it in a towering black heel. She helped her with the other and left her stood like a statue in the middle of the room while she retrieved Patty’s coat from the closet. Ellen helped her into the light weight trench and squeezed her shoulders gently.
“Hold onto me.”
Ellen offered her arm and Patty slipped her hand through it and gripped the forearm lightly. They moved slowly towards the foyer, Patty’s steps were heavy and deliberate. They bumped together as Ellen navigated them toward the elevator. Once outside she hailed a cab and folded a compliant Patty into the seat before getting in the other side. Patty leant against the door and closed her eyes, she didn't feel nauseous, booze didn't affect her like that anymore. She felt trance like, disassociated, almost as if she were dreaming. She chuckled softly causing Ellen to turn her head but the blonds eyes were still closed, her head lolled against the seat back. After a few minutes the cab pulled up outside Patty’s building and Ellen paid the driver and clambered out. She opened Patty’s door gently helping her to her feet before they walked inside and took the elevator up to Patty’s apartment. The shoes were kicked off again as soon as they entered the door. Her purse discarded with a thump onto the floor. Patty headed for the kitchen and poured herself another drink lifting the bottle to Ellen in silent question.
“No thanks, I don't think you should have anymore either, why don't you go to bed?”
“I won't sleep, I’ve barely slept in almost a week.”
“Do you want to talk?”
Patty frowned in reply, she had nothing to say. The pain in Patty’s eyes caused Ellen to step forward and wrap her arms around the woman who tormented her very soul. At first a startled Patty stood stiff and unyielding. They rarely touched. Years ago Patty had held Ellen’s hand, looked her straight in the eye and reassured her everything was going to be alright. A few hours later Ellen's life changed beyond recognition, so did she. They had been engaged in a seemingly endless war ever since. Ellen held on and rubbed a soothing hand down Patty’s back before brushing her fingers through the soft blond hair. Patty’s head was tight against Ellen's neck, she could feel the wetness of the older woman's hot tears and feel the anguished heaving of her chest as Patty fought to keep some semblance of control. Finally a strangled sob broke through, Patty’s knees sagged and Ellen held her tighter, one arm wrapped around her waist to keep her upright as Patty gave up and let go of her grief and regret clinging to Ellen like a buoy, hanging on to the one constant left in her life. Neither spoke, long minutes passed until Patty regained some composure and the wracking, heaving of her body ceased. She stood, too weary and spent to even draw away. Ellen swayed them unconsciously, Patty felt small and delicate in her arms, her hair was soft between her fingers, her breath hot against her skin. Ellen bent her head and lightly pressed her lips to Patty’s temple barely touching the skin, she felt the blond inhale shakily against her neck and then she attempted to draw away from the embrace, Ellen held on. Their eyes met, Ellen closed hers and angled her head downwards capturing Patty’s lips lightly, she could taste the salt of tears and the slight sting of bourbon. It was a light kiss, it could have been construed as harmless. It could be written off as comforting, sympathetic, reassuring. Until Patty pressed their lips back together in a kiss that was anything but those things. It was heated and urgent and Ellen responded in a heartbeat. Her tongue slipped into Patty’s mouth, her arm braced round her waist and her fingers tightened in the tousled blond hair. Ellen couldn't think, her mind was spinning so fast she felt drunk herself, Patty’s fingers were scrabbling urgently under her shirt when they encountered the bare skin of her back Ellen hissed in a ragged breath as the blonds fingernails scratched lightly at the slightly loose waistband of her black trousers. Ellen's hands travelled south down Patty’s side to her hips pulling her closer, she had two handfuls of Patty’s dark grey pencil skirt but it was so restrictive it must have been painted on and Ellen growled in frustration and tore her mouth away pulling in a ragged breath. Patty made a bereft noise somewhere between a gasp and a moan and took a faltering step backwards her hands finding purchase on the kitchen counter, her chest heaving. Her mouth worked but nothing came out. Her eyes were wild with desire, her face was flushed a deep red, a mixture of arousal and embarrassment. Ellen moved forwards, she put a trembling hand on the blonds cheek, Patty looked like a nervous horse ready to bolt.
“I want.. let's go upstairs.”
But the spell was broken, the moment had passed, Patty seemed to see Ellen for the first time since she appeared in the office doorway and she looked aghast.
“I'm sorry, I just, I don’t know what I was thinking, I wasn't thinking. I've had too much to drink...”
Ellen's hand returned to her side, she turned away unable to look at the woman who was clinging to her in desperation a moment ago. She could still taste her in her mouth. She walked towards the doorway on unsteady legs.
“Ellen wait, I'm sorry...”
“Don't apologise please. Jesus. I took advantage, It’s me that should be sorry. Blame me, the alcohol, grief, whatever you have to do. I'm leaving now. Go to bed, sleep it off. Goodnight.”
Ellen didn't look back, even when she heard Patty say her name. She didn't stop walking until she was back on the street in the early hours of a mild October morning. She went home, undressed, got into bed and lay awake thinking of Patty and what they had done and where it left them now.