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Nikki had to sit down, this wasn’t a maybe thing anymore, he felt his whole body lurch to one side as he walked the corridor. He steadied himself, one hand against the wall. It felt exactly as it should have, cool, hard, smooth, kind of glossy but it also felt wrong- it felt fake against his palm. He wouldn’t have been able to explain the sensation if you’d asked him to, only that it was all too familiar. When the drink got to your head, everything felt a little bit fake. The show had finished ages ago, the party had been great... a little too great. The hotel corridor back to his room seemed eternal, probably because he’d walked down 3 of them looking for his room.
The weight in his mind was too much for the bassist now, he felt as if one half of his body had swollen three times its size as he leaned against the cold wall. His legs gave way under him and he slid down, landing in a heap on the carpet. He blinked hard but the edges of everything only distorted themselves more. The sound of others coming in from their nights out rung through him like bells under water, as if he were drowning in his own flesh. He thought for a moment, at least they sound happy.
******
There was a stinging in his right temple and it only worsened when his entire body heaved. Nikki quickly propped himself up and leaned over the edge... of the bed? The hand on his back startled him and he began to realise he wasn’t in the corridor anymore or alone.
“Found you passed out. Figured you’d be better with me.” His voice sounded raspier than usual, a sign of a good night, and Nikki smiled at Tommy. It hurt to smile. Tommy handed him a damp cloth and he wiped his mouth before laying back down.
Nikki felt damp, it was a mix of sweat and water. His clothes were in a messy pile on the floor. If it were anyone else, he’d have worried but this was Tommy. He trusted him with his life.
“Was I burning up that bad?” He watched Tommy nod before running a hand through his hair, “How long have I been out?” He rubbed his eyes, squinting at the sunlight through the open window. Tommy closed one of the curtains.
“Couple of hours, nothing big.” Tommy sat next to him poking at his chest lightly. “Why didn’t you come and find me?” He sounded a little hurt.
Nikki stayed quiet for a moment, he knew exactly why he hadn’t gone to Tommy. Sure, he knew anything could’ve happened to him last night, he knew he probably wasn’t going to make it back to his room but he sure as hell wasn’t going to find Tommy. Tommy was young, so full of energy and last night he was on a role. He’d smashed the show and he was going strong through the fans too, he didn’t need to deal with Nikki, he deserved better. That was why Nikki had always been so adamant about keeping them casual.
A few times, Tommy had asked Nikki if they could make their relationship official, at least to each other but, every time, Nikki had told him no. He said it was just sex but he cared about him as a friend. He had been lying though, one of the only lies he’d ever told him. He cared immensely for the drummer- more than just a friend ever would- but just knew he deserved better. It hurt him to think about it really.
The poking at his chest turned into a gentle stroking. Tommy used the tips of his fingers to trace patterns along his ribs. Nikki sighed and relaxed into the touch, touching his forearm with the same almost non-existent pressure. They stayed like that until the sun shone through the curtain again. Nikki squinted and hid his face in Tommy’s side.
“You never did answer...” Tommy whispered.
“You were having fun. Didn’t wanna spoil it.”
Tommy pulled away and looked down at him. His eyes were open but empty, except they weren’t. Nikki was good at hiding things, he could put on a mask and trick anyone but not Tommy. His “empty eyes” just meant he was hiding something big.
Tommy shuffled until he was laying next to him, looking straight into his eyes. Nikki held his gaze for a few seconds before cracking, he couldn't hide from him. He shut his eyes tight and held onto the fabric of Tommy’s shirt. His finger went through a hole in the front and he stroked the skin underneath as he took deep breaths.
“Maybe I’d have wanted you to. Ever thought maybe I’d rather be with you, make sure you’re ok than be fucking some girl I can’t even remember now?”
“Tommy... we’ve been through this...”
“This isn’t a choice.” He hadn’t meant to snap. He lowered his voice, “This isn’t about what we are. I care about you no matter what you wanna call us.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“You’re such a fucking drama queen, Sixx. Get up.” Tommy stood up and pulled Nikki with him.
Nikki stumbled a bit, bracing himself on Tommy's shoulder as they stood in front of a full length mirror.
“Just look at you.” Tommy knew there was no point in trying to tell him what a great person he was, he'd tried before and Nikki just couldn’t understand. There was one thing he couldn’t deny though. “You're stunning if nothing else. Why wouldn't I wanna keep an eye on that?”
Nikki smirked as he watched them both in the reflection. He had a few bruises forming and fading across his body from other nights out. “You're one to talk. This wasn’t ripped last night.” Nikki pulled his shirt lightly.
Tommy took it off and stretched, “Fans kinda preferred me without it.” He shrugged.
“Can't blame them.” Nikki stood behind Tommy, still watching the mirror. He ran his hands down his chest, resting one on his hip as the other played with a belt loop on his jeans. “Thank you.”
“You don't have to thank you me for that. I'd be a shit friend if I'd left you there.” Tommy reached back, stroking his neck.
Nikki tilted his chin up with his finger. “I mean thanks for leaving me with boxers on... But, yeah, thanks for that too.” He dropped a soft kiss on Tommy's lips.
Tommy smiled as the kiss moved down his jaw. He watched the mirror, they both did. They watched as Nikki kissed his neck, gently at first before biting down a little. He worked the spot for a few seconds before resting his head on Tommy's shoulder.
“Who should I say that was from?” Tommy looked closer at the red mark appearing.
Nikki shrugged, “Your choice.”
“Anyone but you, you mean?”
“You could say it was me, if you want.” His voice was almost a whisper.
Tommy felt his cheeks start to burn. “You wouldn't mind if people knew-”
“Look, I've tried to keep you away.” Nikki interrupted, pressing his nose into the crook of his neck before sighing. “You just don't seem to be listening.”
“I'll care about you no matter what...” Tommy looked at the floor. “I know you'd do the same.”
Nikki huffed out a breathy laugh, “Exactly, might as well stop trying to keep you away then.” Nikki turned him around to face him. He brushed the hair out of Tommy's face before kissing him again.
Tommy kissed back for a moment before pulling away. A grin spread across his face as he ran to the door, opening it and disappearing.
“Look what Nikki just gave me!!” Was all Nikki could hear as Tommy ran up to every guest and worker he could find in that corridor, showing off his new mark. He couldn’t help but smile. He sure as hell didn't deserve Tommy but that just meant he was going to have to be better for him. He could at least try, Tommy was worth that.