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I feel like I’m suffocating, surrounded by the stifling stench of reality. Darkness pours into my vision, swift edges clouding my judgement while the shrill ringing is torturous to my ears. I feel the tendrils of my shadow reaching from the dark depths below, slowly consuming me, to drag me into nothingness. Pain claws at my body, becoming overbearing all the while I feel myself falling… falling straight down to oblivion.
I wake up, only to find myself still covered in darkness, but the deep and comforting breathing in the room around me helps to calm me, let me know that I am not in fact alone. Clutching my chest I fail any attempts to slow down my heart rate that is in a frenzy from the nightmare I just had.
My name is Eren Yeager, and while I apparently hold the key to the survival of humanity, I am completely horrified of what I have become. I hate the titans. We have lived in fear of them for just over a hundred years. They killed my mother, Armin’s family and hundreds… no thousands of people in the attack three years ago. And yet even though I loathe them… I have become one.
I had not understood the concept of my titan shifting at first; unable to control anything, but now I know that with this ability I must sacrifice myself in the fight for humanity. While I know this myself and am told by everyone around me, I can’t help but feel scared and alone. My friends are scared of me and I feel isolated. They plaster their faces with plastic smiles while I see their hands shaking and their stance to be one of defence, ready to pounce on me if I make even just one wrong mistake.
Simply put I am a monster yet no one is willing to say that outright to me, instead avoiding me with pity. This horror, this unjust reality is what fuels the nightmares that prevent any decent sleep. It is not the first time that I had the dream from just before, and its not the only one. Most commonly I am being attacked by the voracious titans, swallowed whole like the time when I saved Armin or laughed at by my peers who have empty faces yet the distinct features of the mocking voices fill my ears like poison. Tonight I had the only other variation of my nightmares, when I am surrounded by thick nothingness that is loud with silence and filled with emptiness. This dream is just the shocking reminder that this power is unknown and feared, leaving me in this world unknown.
I am dragged out of my toxic thoughts by the footsteps in the distance. The light padding warns me that Levi is the one approaching as he always does when I wake up from a nightmare. I don’t really understand how but it’s almost as if he has a sixth sense towards me and my sleeping habits. The steps stopped close by and I lifted my head to see a darker outline in the shadows.
We barely ever spoke and this time was no different. After the sounds of rattling keys and my unoiled barred door, Levi’s shadow slid into the sheets beside me. The cool air shifted to become warm, our breaths mingling as Levi snuggled under my arm to rest his head on my chest. Our legs became entangled and soon he settled and stopped moving.
I really enjoyed out time like this. The silence was never uncomfortable and his warm body heat was surprising despite his cold outward attitude. But maybe I enjoyed it a little too much. I could feel my heartbeat rising and without a doubt he could hear it. His head was on my chest so there was no way he couldn’t. I shifted uncomfortably, unsure of whether he was okay with the situation, a dark blush rose to my cheeks hidden in the night shadows.
“Eren” Levi said, and it was all I needed. The harsh yet concerning tone told me that everything was fine. With that my heartbeat calmed and my head sunk into the fluffy pillow. I’m not sure how long it took but soon I fell into a deep sleep, free from any monsters.
“Eren, it’s time to get up!” A cheery and sweet voice rung around the prison cell. Blinking away the sleep in my eyes I saw that the cute Petra was unlocking my arm shackles, strawberry blonde hair falling in her face.
Startled, I looked around but the spot where Levi had once been was already starting to become cold. I sighed.
“Thanks Petra”. She gave me a quizzical look, most likely from my disappointing search and proceeded to leave, turning back only to say “Levi is waiting for you at breakfast.” With a quick wink she was gone.
My breath left me like I had punched in the stomach. Firstly, how the HELL does she know?! Was it that obvious? I thought Levi left before anyone got up, at least that’s what he told me he does. Secondly, she said Levi is waiting for me and I have the worst case of bed head (not that it entirely matters when titans are killing people).
After a quick tidy up of my appearance (not like it was the most successful) I joined Levi and (unfortunately) everyone else at breakfast. I walked into the dining room to take a seat next Armin and facing Mikasa. Jean was blabbering on as usual to Connie and the whole hall was buzzing with noise.
I turned to get a quick peek at Levi, but as soon as my eyes located his I realised he wasn’t even paying attention. Levi’s dark stormy eyes looking intently into his cup of tea, held in that odd fashion of his. His hair was surprisingly tidy but his late night (from waking up to join me in my cell) was obvious from the small bags hiding beneath his eyes. I’m sure that nobody would say anything but I should tell him later that I will be fine tonight, just so that he could have a proper night’s sleep.
When the food was passed around I was yet again disappointed. This is the worst thing about living in an abandoned castle with the survey corps… we ate the same thing EVERY.SINGLE. FUCKING. DAY. Plain, old porridge.
After attempting to down some food we, of course, had a full day of training routines and best of all, cleaning.
It was late evening and I was after dinner cleaning duty with Sasha when my the hair on my neck decided to stand on edge, a cool chill passing. I could see that Sasha was feeling the same and in sync, we turned around just as an arm grabbed mine.
“I’m borrowing him” Levi told Sasha as he pulled me away despite my attempts at a confused struggle. Once we were at Levi’s personal quarters with the door firmly shut he finally spoke to me.
“Eren are you alright?”
“Hmmm? Yes of course I’m fine. It’s you I should be worried about.” It was Levi’s turn to pause and look at me with a puzzled look. Well, only if you could tell he was confused.
“Umm… Y-ou ah… you look tired so its fine tonight if you don’t come to my cell. I will be fine.” I explained.
Levi’s face dropped like a stone but then a small sigh escaped his lips.
“No.”
“Huh?” I replied.
“Look Eren I don’t have a problem with it. Before we came to this castle I had spoken with a few people that were with you in the training squad so I knew that you have been having nightmares for a long time.” My eyes widened, a blush forming out of embarrassment and all I could do was look at my feet.
Levi reached out his hands on to my shoulders, forcing me to look him in the eye as he spoke.
“I understand how you feel. At first I was horrified by all the death and gore around me. Not to mention it must be especially hard for you now with all the responsibility of shifter and saving humanity but please don’t worry. I know how you feel at night and how horrible the nightmares must be. “
I couldn’t breathe. My heart was beating so fat that I could feel it pounding in my ears.
“But mostly spending the nights with you I can tell that you feel better when I’m th-”
“Levi stop I’m going to burst into tears soon” I said, cutting him off. “You don’t know my feelings; that I’m ashamed of myself, that I hate myself because of my ability and that you probably don’t want me because of it. You have no idea that my nightmares remind me that I am alone but your warmth beside me when I sleep is the only thing that is keeping me sane. You don’t know that you are ticklish behind your ear, from when my breaths reach you at night. No idea that even though I am trapped by the cage of fear that I am going to hurt others that I…”
Tears started pouring out uncontrollably. I couldn’t even tell him. If I did, I would only disgust him and then he would hate me too.
I saw his face, eyes searching mine for an answer but only meeting my sniffling. His arms went to move back but suddenly embraced me in a tight hug, similar to how his arms wrap around me at night.
“Please…” he whispered. “Sleep in my room tonight. I hate seeing your shackles and its so cold down there. I want you to be with me because… I love you”
My body froze completely, even my breathing coming to a complete stop. He moved away, clearly concerned by my lack of response.
“Levi…” was all I could say before my body responded and I flung myself into his arms yet again. I grasped him tightly, unsure of how to form words to reply. All I knew was that I wasn’t alone. That I belonged in these muscular arms that wrapped around me, protecting me from the horrors of the world.
My knees couldn’t hold me up anymore and both of us sank into the wooden floor. I look up, meeting Levi’s eyes and my eyes welled up yet again seeing the caring look of his. Our lips met and I could feel his warmth surging up and through our connected lips and into me.
I pulled back for air but when our lips met again I felt our lips move in sync, his tongue swishing over to part my lips. I complied and all I wanted to do was show him how much I loved him, and that I cared for him in return.
We parted after a while and I leaned down to put my head on his chest. I could feel his heart beat soaring, a match to mine, and I couldn’t help the deep pink blush that filled my cheeks and reached up to my ears.
“I love you too, Levi”