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Justin was woken up from his sleep when he felt a huge and heavy weight slammed on top of him. His eyes almost bulged out of his socket when he opened his eyes and was met with a bright red tinted face only centimetres away from touching his. It’s as if his heart almost stopped beating as he saw those fast incoming lips that he had always wanted to —
BOOM — there goes Chengcheng crashing down the bed as Justin’s quick reflexes instead pushed Chengcheng’s body off him before Chengcheng’s face could come into contact with his. Justin pulled his blanket up till it covered his face and squealed while rolling left and right in his bed. He felt hot in embarrassment, for the upteenth time, to have those kind of thoughts for his best friend(or more like, his crush for years), especially because Chengcheng’s already attached. He knew he shouldn’t be feeling that, however, he could not help it. Meanwhile, Chengcheng sat back up and rubbed his head as it started throbbing. Subconsciously, he stood up and plopped himself down on Justin’s bed again, effectively making Justin froze under his touch.
Justin stayed still as he felt another warm body went under the blankets too, and then arms that wrapped around his waist. Those arms pulled him until he felt Chengcheng’s chest against his back, and Chengcheng’s face nuzzled against his neck. Justin could feel his heart pounding so hard in his chest that he thought Chengcheng would be able to hear it, being this close. Then he heard Chengcheng whispering into his ears,
“I like you a lot, Justin. Like, like you more than a best friend. I love you. Stop pushing me away, Justin.”
Justin swore he wanted to physically throw himself against a wall as he felt his own heart doing somersaults and hitting hard against his chest. So hard he might as well let his heart throw his whole body off the bed.
“D-d-do you mean it?” Justin asked, feelings of uncertainty starting to fill up his mind. It was all that Justin ever wanted to hear, yet he felt melancholic as he was reminded that they were not meant to be. Chengcheng already have a boyfriend, so why did he say that to him, Justin wondered. However, he only received soft snores from the other. Justin sighed as he tried to calm his nervous heart, however, to no avail. After a few seconds passed to confirm that the other was already in deep slumber, Justin turned around to face Chengcheng. He brought his hand and brushed his thumb against Chengcheng’s soft and smooth cheeks. Justin adored Chengcheng’s fluttering eyelashes, the soft and slow breath, and the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. He mused on how it would have been like to be able to see the love of his life up close like this every night, and pondered how different would things have been if he had been honest with Chengcheng.
<Flashback>
“Hey, Justin, so uhh, remember when I said that you would be the first person to know if I like someone?” Chengcheng suddenly said while they were walking to their practice room.
Justin stopped in his tracks, his heart sank into his stomach. However, he took a deep breath and forced out a smile, “Yea. Why? You like someone?”
“Yea, actually, even more than that, he had asked me out on a date... But are you okay…?” Chengcheng faltered as he closely examined the younger’s expression.
However, Justin feigned excitement, “Yea, of course I am! In fact I am even really happy for you, Chengcheng!
Ouch!” Justin then suddenly crouched and held his stomach.
“Are you okay?” Chengcheng asked, worried.
“Yea, I am. Excuse me for a while, I just need to go to the toilet. Please help me tell the trainers that I will be a little late. Thanks!” And there goes Justin running as fast as he could to the nearest washroom, all the while covering his face to avoid from being seen by others. Tears were already starting to spill from his eyes as he made his way speedily. He locked the washroom to not let other people enter, and let all of his tears pour out. He felt as if the world had collapsed on him and in that moment, he wished he was a little boy again, not knowing what feelings are, not caring or give a damn to take care of other’s feelings. Back to when they were just best friends with no complicated feelings. The only reason he did that was because he had seen how Chengcheng has been happy with the other boy’s company. Chengcheng’s happiness should be the only thing that matters, right? Besides, it has been a few weeks that they had more frequent fights about how Chengcheng was spending more time with the other guy, doesn’t that already show how much Chengcheng like the other and not him? And hence it is not in Justin’s place to interrupt them, right? Justin tried to convinced himself that it was just a little crush, even though he had practically liked him for months, and that it would end soon. Chengcheng was his best friend anyway, and there is no way he would want to break that just because of his stupid feelings. He was too late already, too late by a mile, he should just let go, right? A million more thoughts filled up his mind as he tried to pick himself up with his shattered heart. The weight that pulled him down was tremendously heavy, yet he forced his head to hold up high, and feigned light steps as he walked back to their practice room.
Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, however, Justin’s feelings went nowhere near disappearing. Fortunately though, both of them started to see each other less frequently, as Justin has lots more solo schedule, meanwhile Chengcheng seemed lucky enough to have lots more schedule with his new boyfriend. Justin surely missed Chengcheng a lot, however, he found it a lot easier to ignore his raging feelings and avoid himself from getting hurt by being busy, hence sometimes he himself looked out for more jobs out there to fill his schedule. It was for the better, isn’t it?
<Flashback>
Justin eventually came to a realisation that his feelings for Chengcheng never faltered, no matter how busy he got, no matter how many times he felt embarrassed for having such feelings towards his best friend. He sighed, again, as he felt even more downcast accepting the truth that Chengcheng will never be his. Justin tried to close his eyes and slowed down his breath as he tried to enter his own dreamland. He threw away the thoughts that Chengcheng had meant what he said, however, he also decided to be bolder, just for one night, and wrapped his arms around Chengcheng’s torso, pulling him close and holding him dearly, as if he wants to prevent Chengcheng from slipping away from his touch ever again.
Justin woke up the next morning feeling as if his side felt cold again, and then he realised it was because Chencheng was no longer by his side. He woke up, went to wash up a little, and decided to look for Chengcheng.
“Oh, good morning Justin! Long time no see! Haha,” joked Chengcheng before chugging down an entire jug of water, to which Justin started staring and judging Chengcheng hard.
“Sorry man, I am having a bad hangover now,”
“So you were drunk yesterday…?” Justin then thought about what Chengcheng had said to him yesterday. And so he was drunk, which meant that Chengcheng could not have remember whatever he had said, right? He gulped and tried to keep a straight face, wanting to hide his disappointment.
“Yea… Just wondering, I didn’t destroy anything yesterday, right?”
“Oh no! You didn’t do anything! Ummm, let me go make for you some soup then!” Once, again, like the last time, Justin ran away to avoid from showing his disappointment.
Meanwhile, Chengcheng looked at the younger who walked back and forth from the fridge to the stove while scratching his head. Of course, how could the younger know what a hangover soup consist of?
“Do you even know what you’re making? Last time I checked, there was nothing to cook with in that fridge,” said Chengcheng. He knew that Justin heard him loud and clear, and so he started getting annoyed as to why Justin ignored him.
“Are you sure nothing happened last night?” Justin was caught off-guard when suddenly he felt Chengcheng’s breath against his ears while he was rummaging through the fridge filled with junk food.
“I’m going to go out and buy ingredients then!” Justin quickly yanked the door close and ran away from Chengcheng, grabbing his wallet and keys and went out of the house.
Justin rubbed his hands on his chest to calm his dear heart which had raced again upon the close contact with Chengcheng. He heaved a long sighed as he took heavy steps with no apparent destination. He just wanted to get far away from Chengcheng as soon as possible, unfortunately the both of them coincidentally were the only ones from their group to not have a schedule today. Justin kicked a twig in his path in frustration as now he had to come up with some made up recipe or look it up online for the hangover soup that he supposedly wanted to make for Chengcheng. As much as he wanted to avoid Chengcheng, he did not want waste his rest day too. Maybe he could just act aloof later on and just keep saying he’s tired. Yea, maybe he’ll do that.
Unfortunately, Chengcheng seemed to be all over Justin from the moment Justin reached home. Firstly, he saw Chengcheng sitting down on the floor in the doorway with his eyes half closed, apparently waiting for him to come home. Justin swore he then saw Chengcheng’s face lit up exactly like how he always did when he saw his boyfriend, except, this was directed to Justin himself. Chengcheng then quickly tried to get on his feet, and tried to help Justin with the groceries, albeit feeling a little giddy and lost some sense of balance. However, it was as if Justin could fly as he easily glided through the doorway pass Chengcheng and quickly slipped into the kitchen, leaving Chengcheng’s mouth gaping at the doorway.
“Help me lock the door instead, thanks!”
Secondly, Chengcheng was bored out of his wits while waiting and hence he decided to want to help Justin out in the kitchen. Oh boi what a bad idea was it for Chengcheng to approach Justin closely and whispered “What’s cooking” into Justin’s ears. Justin apparently got shocked, to Chengchengs confusion, and cut his finger while he was chopping some scallions. Chengcheng apologised profusely and grabbed Justin’s hand in his, wanting to help treat the wound, however Justin only hissed at Chengcheng and pulled his hand away from Chengcheng’s. The next second, he saw Justin’s back getting further away from his sight, and he was there left alone to wonder why did Justin got so worked up for.
Thirdly, Chengcheng obviously went up to Justin’s room check on Justin. His heart aches looking at Justin’s scrunched up face, trying to treat his own wound. It upset him so much too, that he knew Justin was trying to avoid him.
“Hey, let me help you,” Chengcheng took Justin’s hand in his, this time, holding it firmly to not let Justin escape. Justin could only obey and kept quiet the entire time Chengcheng was nursing him. Even while feeling the stinging pain, he could feel his heartbeat pacing so fast and hard against his chest.
“Does it hurt?” asked Chengcheng in the softest tone Justin has ever heard him talked in.
Justin then unexpectedly started wailing, to Chengcheng’s surprise, “Yes, yes it hurts! It hurts so badly! So so so badly!”
And then Chengcheng was pushed away and commanded by Justin to get out of his room. He tried to console Justin yet Justin went straight to lie on his bed and wrapped himself in his blanket, while still sobbing hard. Chengcheng could still hear Justin’s sniffs from under the blanket, yet he could only exit the room and let Justin be by himself for some moments. Little did Justin knew that Chengcheng could remember whatever that he said the previous night, and he knew that Justin was not crying just because of the wound. It was obvious to Chengcheng that Justin was avoiding him, and it troubled him that he had yet told Justin his true situation. He decided to wait a little longer until Justin had calmed down.
It was evening when Justin had finally gained the courage to come down and face Chengcheng. His stomach was rumbling wildly in hunger, however he did not want to face Chengcheng. Hence, he decided that he will just act sick so that he could grab some food and quickly excuse himself to eat in his room. However, like what happened this afternoon, his plan failed.
“Justin let’s talk,” Chengcheng grabbed Justin’s arms the moment he saw Justin made a beeline towards the kitchen.
“But I’m staaarviiiinggg,” Justin whined. Unfortunately, Chengcheng was not strong enough to resist Justin’s charms as the younger cutely pouted, and hence he decided to let Justin grab a plate of leftover burger. However, Chengcheng pulled Justin to a seat at the dining table, not allowing Justin to go anywhere else, and plopped himself in the chair right next to Justin. Chengcheng watched Justin eat with intense gaze, to Justin’s discomfort. WHY WHY WHY WHY , was all that was running through Justin’s mind.
“I’m done,” Justin whispered, not trying to capture Chengcheng’s attention as he wanted to run pass Chengcheng and hide in his room again. However, before Justin could even take his first step, Chengcheng had pulled his arms and pinned him against the wall, making the plate in his hands dropped onto the floor. (Luckily it was a plastic plate.) Justin’s breath hitched as he could literally feel Chengcheng’s breath mixing with his, with their faces only inches from each other.
“Why are you avoiding me?” Chengcheng was indeed really forward with his thoughts.
“I’m not!” Justin replied harshly. “Let me go!” screamed Justin as he yelped in pain when Chengcheng held his wrists even tighter.
“No, I know you are,”
“Stop and don’t come close to me! Why are you doing this to me?! Don’t you have a boy-” However, Justin was rudely cut off when he felt some soft skin came into contact with his lips for a second. WHAT HOW WHY THAT WAS MY FIRST KISS FAN CHENGCHENG THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS MY FIRST KISS BUT HE HAS A BOY-
“I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday!” Chengcheng screamed back with the same intensity as Justin did just now. Justin froze in his position, his mind probably went blank trying to comprehend whatever Chengcheng had said. Should he jump in joy or should he be sad for Chengcheng and console him? Justin doesn’t know as he stayed in a daze, until he heard Chengcheng called his name for like the tenth time.
“Justin! I meant what I said yesterday, I love you! I really do,”
“You remembered?” asked Justin in utter disbelief.
“Yes I do!” Justin’s face turned deep crimson red upon hearing that reply as he wondered whether Chengcheng remembered them cuddling together ever so tightly, and how he pushed Chengcheng off the bed the first time Chengcheng plopped himself on top of him. Justin gulped hard when he started feeling an intense gaze on his lips and then Chengcheng licking his own lips.
“So, you mean it?” Right now, Justin was really just trying to stall time to calm his exploding mind and racing heart, before being attacked by those plump lips only centimetres away from his. God, I am going INSANE.
“I thought you’re smart but no you’re such a dumbass. Do you not know that drunk people say what is buried even deeper inside them? Even if I don’t remember today, I still meant what I say, you dumbass,” Justin could hear a slight tone of frustration, yet he only replied with, “Oh,”
“For god’s sake Justin, stop pretending like you’re okay with us just being friends,”
“I’m no-”
“Shut up, I know that you like me from years ago. But things happened and we were both too slow and so I dated this other guy who turned out to be a whole ass gold digger. But I swear to god Justin, I loved you too, but I just couldn’t bring myself to confess especially when… you congratulated me when I told you about… him…” Chengcheng started choking on his words, as he agonisingly remembered how Justin congratulated him happily at first, only to be ignored by Justin for the next few months.
“But what was I supposed to do?” Justin asked, his tone full of sorrow.
“I know you couldn’t do anything Justin, it’s all my fault and I’m sorry,”
“No… don’t apologise,”
“So let me make things right once and for all,” And the next second, without any hesitation nor wait for the other’s response, Chengcheng leaned forward and softly placed his lips onto Justin’s.
For once, it finally felt right to Chengcheng. How Justin’s lips connected to his so perfectly, it was unlike all the ones he had before. It was as if, he had finally found the missing piece that fitted in his puzzle so smoothly. His worries and uncertainty evaporated like a summer shower onto a hot car as he felt Justin slowly loosed up and responded to his kiss.
To Justin, the warm and soft lips brought tingles and sparks and fireworks and the like. It felt new but at the same time familiar, he felt that this is where home belonged, this is where they belonged. It was their first time(minus the peck before), yet Justin had never been so synchronised in his movement with someone else before.
Their breaths mingled, sharing this intimate moment with each other was all they ever wanted for years. Finally, they felt as if those months of waiting had been worth it. They savour the sweet triumphant, each conveying their innocent passion and desire for the other.
“This time, I will never let you go, Huang Minghao. I love you,” said Chengcheng as he broke the kiss.
“I won’t let you go too, Fan Chengcheng. I love you too,” those words were music to Justin’s ears to hear, however it felt even sweeter when it rolled off his lips.
“Let’s go and sleep,”
“Sure,”
Justin may sounded like he was so shy at first, but oh boi he almost strangled Chengcheng when he embraced the older so tightly.
“This is for the you who was drunk and dropped himself on top of me yesterday,”
“Hey, I was drunk in love with you, dumbass,”