Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He went to sleep early because he knew he would wake up early. Lately, three am was as far as he got into the night before he shot up, breathing erratically and with the clawing feeling of a hand around his neck.

Tonight wasn’t any different.

“Shit.” He muttered untangling himself from the blankets that had snaked their way around his legs when he was struggling in his sleep. He kicked them off and sat up, narrowing his eyes at the dark and glanced to the side. The pillow was charred too. Perfect.

He scowled, throwing the covers onto the floor by his feet and rubbing his hand across the back of his neck.

“Shit."

He swallowed and sat up straighter not allowing himself to slouch, and taking in a deep breath, relishing the feeling of an open, unconstrained throat. He angled his face toward the ceiling and closed his eyes as his heart rate began to slow back to its regular pace.

This was happening too often now, it had been a couple of months since he- since Kamino-and there was no way he should be having nightmares anymore. Not after he’d been back for so long, not after he was in the dorms and safe. He told himself he wasn’t weak enough to have nightmares but here he was.

It had been bad at the start, but then it got better and in the past couple of weeks it got bad again and he had no idea why. If he had to guess, it was rescue training a while back, their names had basically been picked from hats and he’d been lucky enough to be chosen for the role of hostage in the exercise. At least he could see the irony in it.

The thought of playing hostage annoyed him and put him on edge, but there was no way in hell he was going to wimp out of doing it, especially not with the looks he could feel on the back of his head from the rest of his class. He could feel his palms start to burn but had shoved it down.

And then Kirishima had taken a step forward, not looking at him.

“Sir, are you sure that’s a good idea I mean, it might hit a little close to home f-”

He shoved kirishima’s shoulder, “Shut up, you think I can’t do it?”

“What? No-“

“Then back off.”

He then proceeded to have the cuffs slid onto his wrists and a muzzle slipped over his mouth. Restrained again. Yeah, maybe his heart had sped up a little and his palm were damp with sweat that would’ve had his fingers twitching with the urge to blow something up if he could move them but he couldn’t- he couldn’t do anything, he was weak and useless and tied up on national TV in front of everyone for winning a match he didn’t properly win, and he’s trapped in front of the League of Villians who think he’d be better off a villain and the sludge villain is getting tighter and tighter until he can barely breathe and no one is doing anything and it ends up being Deku who saves him.

Dammit.

He takes a deep breath opening his eyes back to present. He doesn’t need anyone, he’s fine.

He’ll be a hero. He is a hero.

He stands up, the floor freezing cold under his feet, but it felt like relief compared to the blood that was running too hot.

He was naturally warmer than most people anyway thanks to his quirk and if the other assholes in his class thought he didn’t notice a select few of them edging closer to him when they had training during winter then they were idiots. They were idiots anyway, but this in particular pissed him off. If they wanted a heater, they could go stand next to Icy Hot who seemed to have the same problem he did but cared a lot less about it.

He shook his head and dragged himself to the door, running a hand through his hair and squinting through the dark. He was fine, there was nobody in here with him, no smoky portal that was going to bring him right back to the villians.

The feeling of smoke worming its way down his throat- not being able to breathe-

He slammed his hand onto the light switch whirling round, hands popping in preparation for a fight. But there was no one there. His shoulders slumped. God this was all so damn stupid.

He was better than this. Stronger than this.

But he couldn’t help moving his gaze from one side of the room to the other and back again, his back turned to the wall so nothing could- shit, pull yourself together.
For God’s sake. Wise up.

He clenched his jaw and stormed round, ignoring his stomach flip at the thought of his back being exposed. He opened the door to the hall, being hit with a rush of cool air and finally felt like he could breathe.

He didn’t turn on the lights in the hall, (yeah he was an asshole but not big enough of one to wake everybody up over a stupid nightmare) and made his way to the kitchen from memory. He only stopped when he noticed the door was already partially open, a sliver of light shining through into the hall.

Rationally he knew it was probably just one of his classmates, which was annoying but something he could deal with.

The paranoid side of him, still high from the nightmare, said it was villain.

Fuck that side.

Out of pure stubbornness that he was fully prepared to admit to and anger at both himself and whoever was in kitchen he roughly slammed opened the door and his gaze landed on a figure in the kitchen with a mess of green hair

Deku.

What the hell did the universe have against him?

The nerd jumped at the sound, turning to him, hands clenched into fists and All Might’s quirk running through his body. They met eyes, and after a second Deku’s stance fell, the fierce look in his eyes transforming into something else. But that was it, he didn’t curl in on himself and apologise or look down avoiding his gaze. Deku looked relaxed, and that was weird when he was in his presence.

He could feel himself glaring.

When did the damn nerd stop being so afraid of him?

Not that he cared, if Deku was going to be a hero, and even he had to admit that it was going to happen at some point even if he was a useless one that couldn’t do anything (not that Bakugo was going to let that happen when the nerd had All Might's power) he couldn’t be afraid of anything.

“Oh, hi Kacchan.”

The annoying high-pitched voice he was way too familiar with knocked him out of his reverie and he realised he was still tensing, shoulders hunched, hand curled prepared to throw an explosion. No way in hell was he going to let Deku think he was afraid of him so he forced the tension to drain out of him.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

His voice sounded rough in his own ears, maybe he had been yelling in his sleep. The thought made him grit his teeth. He turned, slamming the kitchen door behind him a little harder then necessary and out of the corner of his eyes noticed Deku flinch slightly. Nerd.

“I-um- couldn’t sleep so I thought I ‘d come in and get a drink or something, just to get out of my room, it was feeling kind off claustrophobic, plus its my mum's birthday the day after tomorrow and I-“

“Shut up Deku.”

Deku's mouth clamped shut, cheeks colouring with red. “Sorry.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes,

“Anyway,” Deku fixed his eyes on steaming cup on the counter in front of him. “What are you doing here?”

“Thirsty.”

He wasn’t telling Deku the real reason he was awake and even if he could probably guess it, he’d be smart enough not to say anything. It was then that he froze half way toward the cupboard and turned back to Deku, the last sentence of his mumbling finally registering,

“Wait, did you say it’s Auntie's birthday?”

Deku looked up at him with wide eyes, hands cupping the drink. “Yeah, the day after tomorrow.”

“Shit.”

“What?”

“The hag said she was going to invite you both round for Aunt Inko’s birthday this year.”

She’d mentioned it to him on the phone a few days ago and it had completely slipped his mind until Deku brought it up again. She’d told him, he’d been pissed and then they dissolved into an argument and he ended up forgetting what started it in the first place.

“Oh.”

“Yeah oh.” He snapped, turning and reaching for a glass. “And I haven’t got her a present yet either.”

He was aware of how this minute of conversation was probably the calmest they’d had in years. Possibly the only interaction in years that could be considered a conversation. But he ignored it.

“But we haven’t- I mean I-I haven’t been round to your house in years, are you sure-wait, how long have you know?”

Urgh, Deku’s voice made him want to hit something. Preferably Deku’s face.

“Couple of days.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I don’t like talking to you, asshole."

He turned around and turned on the tap, holding a finger under the water until it got cold enough. The room lapsed into an awkward silence. He could feel Deku’s eyes on his back and the mounting irritation was getting more difficult to keep a lid on by the second.

“Kacchan.”

Bakugou’s hand tightened around the glass he held under the tap.

“Why are you up?”

He could practically hear the stubborn determination and poorly hidden concern in the nerd’s voice. Who the hell did he think he was to know anything about why Katsuki was awake?

“None of your fucking business.”

“It’s not bad to talk about things."

At that Katsuki scoffed, if Deku was going to be All Might's successor he really needed to stop talking about things, presenting his weaknesses to whole world. It was stupid. Deku was stupid.

He ignored him.

“Kacchan.” His voice had taken on the indignant self-righteous tone he always used before trying to give some speech he’d grown enough of a backbone to share with Katsuki. “It’s okay to have nightmares.”

Oh, he really wanted to hit him. But restrained himself, clenching his hand tighter around the glass he was holding and trying to push down the feeling of warmth spreading in his palms.

“Who the hell said I was having nightmares?”

His voice came out a little more aggressive then intended. Honestly after his talk with All Might he was trying to play nice with Deku. Sometimes it worked, sometimes he had to just flat out ignore him so he wouldn’t say or do anything that would get him the wrong kind off attention from teachers. Sometimes, Deku just didn’t know when to quit.

He’d always been annoyingly determined to follow Katsuki in everything he did, no matter how many times he’d tried literally and figuratively to push him away.
Nothing had changed about the nerd, except he was braver now, which meant he would push even further, and push back too.

“I can tell, you’ve seemed off the past couple of weeks.”

Damn nerd and damn stalker tendencies. Okay, yeah maybe in the past few days he’d been a little more on edge, maybe two days ago he had an overreaction when Kirishima came up behind him and slung his arm around his shoulders. Katsuki didn’t expect or want anyone to bring it up. But Deku always just had to ruin everything.

“I’m fine.” He growled.

“Kirishima could’ve been really hurt.”

Deku’s protests were starting to get loud and frustrated, he could tell by the way his shoulder stood a little straighter, a fist clenched at his side, so he responded the way he knew how, the way he was best at. Louder. Angrier.

“It’s Kirishima. He’s fine.”

“But what if it's not someone who can harden their skin next time? Your explosions hurt Kacchan!”

He slammed the glass on the table, before his hands started crackling.

“Yeah. Want a reminder of how much?”

He hadn’t realised he moved forward till Deku took a step back, eyes wide and arms flinching up to cover his face.

He stopped in his tracks, swallowing hard, and taking in a deep breath through his nose, clenching his hands into fists to stop the popping of explosions. Slowly, Deku’s hands lowered.

“You thought I was going to hit you.” Bakugou stated.

It was an awkward few seconds of silence before Deku answered, his voice sounding too quiet in the aftermath of the almost argument. “It wouldn’t be the first time.”

Chapter Text

The silence seemed to carry on way too long, especially since Deku’s gaze was fixed on the floor and he’d become so used to him finally meeting his eyes. Even if it was only for a few seconds at least it was something, but this-this was nothing.

“I know that, you idiot.” He said, the blood in his veins felt like it was getting hotter but he worked to push it down.

He wasn't planning on actually hitting him, no matter how much he wanted to. He wasn't stupid enough to start a fight in the kitchen but Goddamn Deku for some reason thought he was going to. Did he honestly think he'd be that fucking stupid? To do it in the middle of the night so they'd wake up everyone else and then get the teachers involved?

Shit, did Deku really think he didn't know what the consequences would be?

"Look, I-I'm sorry." He noticed Deku's voice was wavering slightly but ignored it, pushing down the uncomfortable twinge in his stomach.

"No you're fucking not. Don't go prying in my business."

Deku finally looked up again, and for the first time Bakugo noticed how tired he looked, eyes wide and barely noticeable dark rings under them. “Can we not do this tonight? Please Kacchan.”

Damn it.

Of all the things the nerd had to come out with it was that.

He knew it wasn’t what he meant, he knew it, but years of thinking one way didn’t automatically disappear just because of one conversation- Yeah okay, Deku said he was never looking down on him but that sounded a hell of a lot like what he was doing right now.

Deku couldn’t be bothered to stick around and talk to him. He wasn’t worth his time apparently. Not that Bakugo wanted to spend anytime in his company longer than he was forced to but Deku wasn’t just going to leave first.

If Deku wanted a fight then that was what he was going to get.

“I thought you could fight back now nerd.” He said, voice coarse.

Hadn’t Deku gotten stronger? weren’t they meant to be proper rivals now or some shit? Or had the nerd only been up to fighting him because he had the confidence of getting his provisional licence when Bakugo hadn’t.

His glass of water was left forgotten on the counter beside him, liquid that had escaped the glass when he slammed it down forming a rim around the bottom, and there was no longer any steam coming of Deku’s drink.

The kitchen was consumed by the tense silence. Great. Deku was ignoring him now too? If he wanted to be All Might’s successor then he couldn’t just wimp out. He had to win. And how could he win if he wasn’t even going to stand up for himself. He already thought it but this was basically confirming that out of everyone All Might could've picked, he picked fucking Deku and it was a mistake. And that thought was pissing him off even more than it had been since he found out. Why was Deku the chosen one? What did everyone think was so damn great about him?

Besides, It didn’t help he was annoyed at Deku more so than usual anyway, the thoughts of having to be saved by him, twice, circling his head and getting tighter like a noose since he’d woken up thanks to the nightmare and its entourage of bad memories. And as much as he hated to admit it, he was still on edge, itching for some kind of way to blow of steam. And that way had always been Deku. Maybe the familiarity would make the small curling feelings of guilt disappear if he didn't manage to stomp them down first.

But it didn’t look like Deku was going to fight back.

“Why the hell are you backing down?” He snapped.

He also thought Deku would take any chance he got to hit him, so why wasn’t he?

Katsuki already knew the answer to the question. It was the middle of the night, he was tired, if they were found fighting again they’d both be on house arrest again, possibly expelled, those where the reasons he hadn't landed the hit earlier but he filtered all those out and saw red. Deku was looking down on him again, thinking he wasn’t worth the fight.

“Kacchan, please, I’m tired, we have to get up for school tomorrow I just-“

“Bullshit.” He knew it wasn’t, the outburst had almost been reflex, but he kept going with it anyway. “You’re scared.”

“I’m not afraid of you,” Deku said, and his voice had some life back in it, the tone that was getting more familiar since they had moved to UA.

“Then why would you take it and not fight back?”

Yeah, he was being an ass, he could admit that, but no one else was here and Deku really needed to grow a pair if he ever wanted to amount to anything.

He’d tried being nice, he’d tried to make conversation about Aunt Inko, tried to give as little as possible because he knew where it would lead but Deku just didn’t know when to give up. And the nerds own damn persistence always led back to the same place and then it made Katsuki feel like the bad guy because it was Deku who flinched.

Deku glanced up at him, eyes hard. He almost let his mouth twitch up into a smile because there was finally the flash of determination, the promise of being able to take a few blows and hit back.

“I’m not doing this tonight.”

Deku’s only way out of the kitchen was to move around him and when he took his first step forward Bakugo closed the distance and shoved him back. It wasn’t as hard as it would’ve been if he’d hit him, but it still sent Deku stumbling a few steps.

“We’re not done here.” He snapped.

Deku managed to regain his footing, stopping himself from falling with help from one hand on the side of the counter. His eyes flashed.

“What do you want me to do? Fight you in the kitchen in the middle of the night?”

Deku righted himself but before he could say anything else, Katsuki pushed him again. This time the nerd was a little more prepared, still almost tripping over himself but not as much as before.

He was going to get his fight, all it needed was another push, literally and metaphorically, but then just as quickly as the frustration seemed to build up in Deku it changed. He was still tensed, but he could tell but it was different. Deku’s eyes met the ground, shoulders slumping and a sigh escaping from between his lips.

“Look, I’m sorry.” Great, now he was apologising again, “I just-I know what not sleeping because of nightmares feels like and I wanted to make sure that you were oka-“

“I don’t need your help.”

“But All Might said-“

“I don’t give a shit about what All Might said!” He yelled, vaguely registering that he was being too loud, but he didn’t let himself care.

The mention of All Might made him feel sick, but that wasn’t anything new, since Kamino the feeling had settled in his stomach and stayed there, even after they talked with All Might. But it was fine, he could look after himself, he didn’t need anyone, especially fucking Deku, worrying about him. So if Deku was going to look down on him, and act like he needed help then he was going to go for the lowest blow as well.

“Don’t get too high and mighty you quirkless shit, the only reason you’re standing in the same room as me right now is because of All Might. I don’t need you to worry about me.”

He hadn’t snapped like that in a while. Not since the start of the year and especially not since their fight. But he couldn’t help it, he was so damn pissed at everything, at the villians, at himself, at Deku because fuck Deku.

“Kacchan, I-“

Deku wasn’t able to get to the end of his sentence before he was interrupted but this time it wasn’t Katsuki’s fault. He was just as surprised to hear a new voice enter the conversation.

“Guys what the hell is going on?”

He turned around to be met with a mess of red. Great Shitty hair was here too now.

“Wait, Bakugo?” He blinked, eyes squinting through clear exhaustion, “Midoryia?”

His gaze flicked between the two of them for second before realisation spread across his face. He sighed deeply, “C’mon Bakugo, leave him alone.”

“Stay out of it, shitty hair.”

“No, I heard yelling from your room and then it went quiet so I came down here to see if you’re okay and walk into this.”

So he had been yelling in his sleep then and damn Kirishima had heard him.

As much as he hated to admit it, He’d been trying to keep his distance from Kirishima the last few days, not sure how to apologise or even act around him after violently exploding him because the fucking idiot scared him by throwing an arm around his neck.

He knew Kirishima was fine, he had hardened himself on impact but still- as much as he hated to admit it Deku was right. If that had been anyone else, they could’ve been really hurt. Plus, if Kirishima had begun flinching around him like Deku did because of that he’d rather not find out.

He hadn’t done it on purpose, thanks to the nightmares he was exhausted and on edge all day, someone coming up unannounced- he had self-defence drilled into his head at this point- he’d just freaked out slightly.

“So you were having nightmares then?”

Deku’s voice broke him out of his reverie and he shot round to glare at him. The nerd looked stubborn but the self-satisfaction he’d expected to see on his face wasn’t there. Perfect, so the nerd was genuinely concerned and just trying to be nice? Right, yeah, of course.

Katsuki was done. It was late, he was tired and angry, Kirishima was here and if he and Deku got into another fight they’d been in more trouble. The logical side of himself that apparently decided it was time to make an appearance told him to get out of the situation before he made it worse again. Kirishima coming down was probably like a saving grace, stopping things from getting too far.

Shit.

Sending Deku one last glance he turned round, shoving past Kirishima to the doorway.

“I’m going to bed.” He snapped like he owed them any kind of explanation.

The second he stepped out of the kitchen slamming the door behind him he was consumed by the dark again and the feeling that anything could be hiding in it resurfaced. The phantom feeling of a hand around his neck was almost enough to make him open the door again, just to let hallway be flooded with light which would prove there was nothing there. But hell would freeze over before that happened so he just had to stop being weak and get on with it.

He took a few steps down the hallway toward the stairs when he noticed a sliver of light on the wall out of his peripheral vision and heard the tail end of the conversation,

“You sure you’re alright man?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Thank you Kirishima.”

“Hey no worries, just try and get some sleep. I’ll make sure Blasty’s okay, night.”

“Night.”

He rolled his eyes at the whole exchange but found himself waiting for the sound of the kitchen door to click shut anyway and for Kirishima to appear beside him.

Kirishima didn't say anything for a couple seconds and they walked together in silence but that wasn't going to last forever.

“What was that?”

“I don’t know.”

“Dude, are you okay?”

How many times were people going to ask him that question before they realised that he was never going to give a different answer. “I’m fine.”

He could practically feel Kirishima’s concerned glance his way as they made their way up the stairs but he ignored it. Kirishima didn’t pity him like Deku did. It was different.

“I heard you shout from your room,” Kirishima stated. “I just thought I’d let you know that if you ever wanted to hang out or something I’m next door,”

He held back a sigh as they slowed to a stop outside his room. It was hard to make out Kirishima’s features in the dark but he turned his back to him anyway so it didn’t matter.

“I said I’m fine.”

He pulled open the door to his room and went inside closing it with more force than necessary behind him, leaving Kirishima standing by himself in the hallway.

That was probably the longest conversation he’d had with him in a couple of days and to Katsuki’s own annoyance he felt mild relief that Kirishima was still comfortable around him.

In his room he ignored the feeling of paranoia that there was something in the corner or that the smoke warp bastard could form at any second in the dark and he wouldn’t be able to see it and slumped down on his bed. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep, anger clawing at his insides but he might as well lie down.

He calmed himself down by thinking of what he was going to get Aunt Inko for her birthday, gaze focused on the ceiling as he remembered that her and Deku were coming over in a couple of days. He groaned running a hand down in his face.

Tonight hadn’t exactly gone how he’d intended, primarily Deku’s fault because he couldn’t leave anything alone.

But shit if it wasn’t going to be the most awkward dinner he’d ever been at.

Chapter Text

He hadn’t gotten back to sleep last night and it was noticeable, he had rings under his eyes that had been getting progressively darker and he could feel himself becoming irritated at the day already and it hadn’t even started yet.

He was sat in his chair in class, feet kicked up onto the table and the only other person there was engine legs. He’d expected a rant about disrespecting furniture or whatever but he hadn’t got it yet, and he wasn’t sure why. He wasn’t complaining though. Being able to avoid hearing Iida speak was possibly the best things that could’ve happened.

He’d gotten up earlier this morning and had gone for a run to try and burn of some of the pent up energy that was still coursing through him before getting ready and coming to class by himself so he wouldn’t have to deal with any questions from Kirishima.

Last night had been weird, in a most likely sleep deprived, paranoid kind of way, where the worst person he could’ve run into at the time was Deku. The two of them together was like a time bomb. Deku’s need to be there for people and know they’re okay and Katsuki’s hate of people doing either of those things for him, especially when he was already high from the adrenaline of a nightmare that was already making him feel like a complete mess up. Deku was just the straw that broke the camel’s back last night.

It had been a case of wrong place wrong time for both of them. Because he had been trying with Deku, mostly to avoid him because he knew otherwise the nerd would do something to piss him off but that was better then them fighting. Besides the more he got in fights with people the more people would think he had a villainous side. He was an asshole sure, but not a fucking villain. And after Kamino the idea of doing anything that could relate him to a villain, that would make people look at him and think he could be one of them, didn’t sit right with him.

But then he also still hated Deku so he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to act.

Minding his own business never seemed to work because the nerd would always ask questions and sometimes just his presence got on Katsuki’s nerves. He sighed, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands to try and stop the world from going hazy with thoughts and exhaustion.

This was stupid. The fact that he was giving it this much thought was stupid.

Since when did he start caring about what other people thought about him or his actions. If he could justify them to himself then that was all that mattered, and he guessed that he still did that for the most part, so what the hell was the issue?

A few minutes later the rest of the class began to filter in in groups of twos and threes, frog girl and the invisible one, the cake guy and the quiet one that Katsuki actually forgot was in class with him sometimes.

Some of them said good morning to him and for the most part he ignored them but he did grunt in reply to frog girl. She was the least annoying out of all of them. He appreciated her bluntness. She didn’t fuck around.

Then Sparky and Pinky came in and their eyes seemed to light up upon seeing him, that never meant anything good. He supressed a growl, trying to not blow them up the second they stood what he felt was slightly too close to him.

“Hey, Bakugo wow you look tired.”

Kaminari's voice got louder as he got closer and leant on the side of his desk and at this point Bakugo didn’t have the energy to shove him off so settled for glaring at him instead.

“So, I heard you got into it again with Midoriya last night.”

Fuck, when did Kirishima even find time to tell them? or had it been Deku?

“And what?” he asked, “it’s none of your damn business.”

“Yeah, we know, but now everybody wants to know why, you two have been pretty chill recently, I mean you’re never fully chill but at least a solid 25% more chill than usual, and now your face has gone from like the scowling neutral we’ve all come to know and love to scowling angry and I don’t know how I’m meant to read that, is that like a stop talking or I’ll blow you up or keep talking but I’ll just glare at you, you really need to give us some more.. clues..man.”

Sparky’s voice started to trail of and Katsuki knew it had something to do with the dark look he could feel spreading across his face,

“You know what,” Kaminari continued, and he had to stop his palms from crackling. “I’ve decided that this is a stop talking situation, I’m going to go back to my seat, Mina flirt with him or something, I don’t know.”

And then he moved across the room with a small wave till he was at his seat and Pinky was left standing in front of him an awkward half smile on her face that was falling the longer she stood there.

He gave her an expectant look, yes okay maybe they weren’t as shit as everyone else in the room but if Pinky tried flirting with him he might actually blow up Kaminari’s desk.

“Okay, I’m not going to do that.”

“Good.”

“But he’s right, you seem particularly pissed today.”

Did it occur to literally anyone that maybe he just wanted to be left alone and not have to out up with bullshit of other people getting involved in his business for one day. He didn’t understand what about the concept was so hard to grasp. He didn’t go investigating anyone else’s shit apart from when he listened in on Deku and Icy Hot but he hadn’t gone and confronted the bastard about it and he didn’t plan to.

“Why the hell are you so interested?”

She shrugged, “Dunno, I just like knowing what’s going besides, we’re friends so I thought you might like someone to spill to.”

“I don’t need a damn therapist,”

Her face lit up like fairy lights. “So you’re not denying we’re friends?”

Oh for God’s sake.

“Shit Pinky, Go sit with Dunce.”

No, he wasn’t denying it but there was no way in hell that they were going to get him to admit it either so this was the best either of them we’re ever going to get. She grinned at him to which he rolled his eyes in response as she spun on her heel and flounced back over to Kaminari who looked surprised she wasn’t singed.

He wasn’t a complete asshole. And then his eyes were assaulted by shitty red hair and Kirishima who he hadn’t even noticed come in, took Pinky’s spot in front of him.

“You seem in a better mood.”

“Shut the fuck up Shitty Hair.”

Kirishima practically beamed at him. “You feeling better?”

“Did you literally not hear what I just said?”

He knew Kirishima was trying to rile him up and it was working but he wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction despite the rising irritation.

“Your explosions haven’t made me go deaf yet dude.”

“Piss off.”

Kirishima just laughed and held his hands up in surrender and Katsuki glared at him. it was gradually getting closer to the start of class so Kirishima moved back to his seat. Small joys.

And then someone stumbled through the door and the fucking green mop finally made an appearance.

Katsuki felt the scowl on his face deepen. It was still annoying to see Deku in the 1-A classroom that he'd gotten into by lying to Katsuki. Seeing Deku in general annoyed him but this just made him think of last night. Deku looking down on him again when he didn't even deserve to be here.

Damn.

He couldn’t even say Deku didn’t deserve to be here anymore because even he had to grudgingly admit that he did, but it wasn’t through his own fucking power. And he hadn’t, never would, make the ‘borrowed power’ his own, make All Might’s power his. But he trusted All Might even if he wouldn’t admit it out loud so he didn’t say anything, he wouldn’t do anything.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, pulling his attention from Deku, probably lucky considering how pissed he could even feel himself getting even thinking about. He did notice the nerd looked tired though, but he quickly pushed the thought aside.

He glanced down at his phone hoping it wasn’t important, but the second he realised it was from the Hag that possibility was catapulted out the window, he briefly considered doing the same thing but rolled his eyes in instead shoving the phone back into his pocket before he accidently blew it up.

The day had started pretty shit when he woke up this morning at three thirty and was evidently getting worse pretty damn quickly.

‘Just thought that I’d remind you that the Midoriya’s are coming over for dinner. Tell Izuku to walk home with you brat,’

Fucking perfect.

He still had a few minutes before home room started so he stood up ignoring all the questioning glances sent his direction and moved toward Deku who had basically latched himself onto Todoroki’s side and was probably rambling about something stupid.

Deku didn’t seem to notice him come over but everyone else sure as hell did. He registered round face’s indignant protest of ‘Bakugo leave him alone,” but he was used to tuning her out so it didn’t make a difference.

He roughly grabbed Deku’s arm and pulled him away from Icy Hot. The bitch better thank him later for saving him from Deku’s ability to constantly talk shit about whatever was running through his head.

“Kacchan-”

He shot Deku a glare which got him to shut up until they got out of the class room.

Once in the hallway, letting the door slam shut behind him and quiet the whispering and murmurs in their wake he let go of Deku’s arm, practically pushing him away in the process, Deku spun to look at him, face twisted into a look of confusion and fear.

He understood that. Him dragging Deku off somewhere didn’t end well last time.

“Stop looking so worried nerd,” he said. “The hag texted, you and Auntie are coming over for dinner tonight so-“

Deku’s face morphed into one of bafflement. “Tonight? But mum’s birthday isn’t until tomorrow?”

“Well maybe she didn’t want to do it on her actual fucking birthday Deku, I don’t know.”

“Oh, yeah okay, sorry.”

Deku rubbed the back of his neck, awkwardly meeting his eyes for a few seconds before fixing his gaze back on the floor.

Whatever. He turned back to the class room again before someone else came out to accuse him of murder or some shit.

“Kacchan?”

He stopped at the nickname, contemplating just ignoring him.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry about earlier, last night I mean, that wasn’t fair of me to push you when you didn’t want to talk.”

His blood started to heat and the scowl deepened on his face. He spun to face Deku, keeping down the crackling of his hands. “What?”

Deku glanced up at him, “I’m-I’m sorry,”

“I don’t need your fucking apologies Deku”

Deku's eyes widened, “I know-“

“Don’t think you could ever make me do anything, so don’t fucking say sorry,”

Deku stared at him for a second like he wanted to say something but a couple of seconds later his eyes dropped to the ground. “Okay I’m sor- I’m- Okay,”

Katsuki rolled his eyes, at this point he was just surprised none of the extras had come out to interrupt when he shouted. He was going back to class.

“Also, The hag said to come back with me after school. Try talking to me and I’ll kill you,”

He was pretty sure he heard the muttered sigh, “I know Kacchan,”  but he didn’t turn round again.

Everyone stared as he stalked back into class. He gave them all the finger. And the gaze shifted from him to Deku when he followed back in a couple of seconds later.

The class room roar started back up again as he slumped into his seat, kicking his feet up onto the desk.

He could hear Four Eyes and Pink Cheeks bombarding Deku with questions that he knew that nerd was probably going to answer with an awkward smile and shake of his head because Deku was a socially inept loser who’d never had friends before and didn’t know how to be fucking normal. 

He internally groaned, trying to keep his face neutral as he waited for class to start, glancing at the clock that said thay had about thirty seconds.

Today was going to be a long day.

xxx

He was right. The day seemed to go on for hours.

They had two tests, and he got full marks in both of them, obviously. He sat and had lunch with Kirishima, Sparky, Pinky and Elbows which was painful as always but he didn’t storm off so they weren’t as bad as he made them out to be. And then the had training and he got to spar with Round Face (he won) overall the day was long but really wasn’t as shit as it could’ve been.

But he knew that what was about to come would make it a quick one eighty.

The second he stepped out of the classroom Deku was beside him, walking down the hall. He flat out ignored him not even looking his direction.

They made it outside and Deku was still trailing after him like a lost puppy, occasionally waving goodbye to his annoying ass friends. When did people start wanting to be friends with Deku? Who would willingly want to spend time with someone who was constantly looking down on them even if he claimed that wasn’t what he was doing, it was obvious, what else could you call it?

They were all fucking desperate for some kind of approval, he decided, they needed Deku to tell him in all his condescending niceties that they were doing well and he was impressed, like that meant anything.

It was when they got further past the school gates and closer to his house that Deku finally made a move to try and catch up with him.

He heard him before he saw him and didn’t make any attempt for making the anger he could feel coursing through him less obvious on his face.

The bad things that were about to happen were really just piling up and looking at Deku's stupid face as he walked home with him reminded him of all of them.

He hadn’t had time to buy Aunt Inko a present, he’d be forced to spend all evening with his parents and Deku and make conversations and get told off for not being polite and then be up late because he hadn’t had time to finish his homework and then he’d get even less sleep than usual and be more pissed the next day.

It was a terrible idea.

And right now Deku was trying to talk to him. In the one moment he might get some peace all afternoon.

“Kacchan, Kirishima asked if-“

“Walk behind me asshole.”

“I- oh- Kirishima asked if you would help him study tomorrow, he was going to ask you but he realised we were already leaving so he just told me to-“

“Do you ever stop talking Deku?”

Deku shut up which was a nice change for once and since the nerd wasn’t in his line of sight either he could almost pretend he wasn’t there.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, shooting a quick ‘fine,’ to Kirishima before putting it away and continuing to ignore Deku's existence. He was tempted to put his earphones in but the idea of not being able to hear something if it came up behind him instantly shut any ideas of that down.

But maybe he’d change his mind if Deku started mumbling.

Shit, Deku better not start fucking mumbling.

Chapter Text

They walked in silence for the most part.

He let Kacchan lead the way, following closely behind him.

Sometimes if he was with Kacchan he would try to make conversation because it was probably what All Might would want, for them to get along and work together. Plus despite everything he still really admired Kacchan, he knew they would never be best friends but even friendly would be better than whatever it was now, and at least now was better than what it had been.

But he could tell Kacchan didn’t want to talk right now, especially to him.

Recently, after their fight, that hadn’t deterred him much because Kacchan had actually given him indirect advice on his quirk while they’d both been on house arrest, but the atmosphere in the air felt different.

Kacchan’s so called ‘rage aura’ as Uraraka had dubbed it, was almost palpable and he decided it would be best not to mess with it, because if anything was guaranteed it would be the fact that he’d make it worse. So he hung back and didn’t speak and it worked. He wasn’t yelled at or threatened or had sparks flying his way. But that didn’t mean he didn’t want to say anything.

He would never tell him, but he kind off worried about him, he knew he was unbelievably strong and that he would never accept help but there was something of about him. Midoryia had known him long enough to tell.

When Kacchan had come into the kitchen last night he looked like a mess, he had bags almost as bad as Shinsou’s under his eyes, he was tensed like a spring, coiled and ready to blow, and his eyes were flicking everywhere. Midoriya didn’t even know if he had noticed he was doing that, reacting to every sound, but there was definitely something up and everything pointed back to nightmares. He knew because he had them sometimes too, but Kacchan had actually been kidnapped, if that wasn’t enough fuel for nightmares he didn’t know what was. Everyone knew but no one wanted to be the one who said something. And then last night he had and it seemingly set them back a few paces in their relationship.

The tension between them right now was something he wanted to try and sort out before they got to the house, especially if it was for his mum’s birthday, he didn’t want to be the reason it was awkward so he didn’t have any other choice.

“Kacchan?”

“No,”

There was no hesitation. And if Deku noticed how his shoulder tensed a little and his hands curled into fists when he spoke he didn't comment on it.

He sighed and then tried again, speeding up a little so he was only a step behind him,

“Can we not fight? Please? Just for my mum’s birthday? I want her to have a nice time,”

“Who said we were going to fight?”

He contained the mounting frustration, he didn’t understand why it was so difficult for Kacchan to just give him a straight answer. Just once, for him to be able to ask something without being snapped at in response, be able to apologise without being yelled at.

He rolled his eyes knowing he wouldn’t be seen.

“Don’t be stupid Kacchan,”

Wait.

Crap.

What?

Kacchan froze in front of him and Midoriya could see his shoulders begin to shake slightly with barely contained rage he knew would be directed at him.

Stupid idiot.

Why did he have to say anything, let alone-let alone call him stupid?

Crap he was dead. He was so dead. And the day before his mum’s birthday too, crap crap crap crap-

Kacchan's hands started sparking at his sides and Deku took a careful step back, cringing and resisting the urge to just run. He couldn’t do that now, he was a hero, and he wasn’t scared.

He wasn’t.

The way his heart picked up and his stomach dropped was more reflex than anything.

He was used to Kacchan being angry, he was always angry but he found there were a few different levels of it. Like when he was generally annoyed with Deku, that was more so on a daily basis, and then there was the times when he was genuinely furious. The first one wasn’t ideal but Deku had lived with it for most of his life so that was nothing new but when Kacchan got serious he knew he was going to be hurt.

It was like their first combat session with All Might, or their final exam, or their most recent fight.

There was the same deep scowl on his face now.

He’d turned round so quickly that Deku barely had time to react. It was the second time in so long that he had flinched away while Kacchan threatened to punch him.

He barely even noticed Kacchan move before there was a stinging pain across the side of his face that sent his head careering to the side. He stumbled to the left, the hand he’d tried to bring up in defence but wasn’t fast enough clutching the side of his face that was throbbing like a second heartbeat.

He had a few seconds to react but his head was jarred and he could only take a single step back trying to get some distance between them, too quickly he was jerked upward by a hand fisting his collar and dragging him forward.

His eyes jumped from the grey tarmac to angry red.

“Kaccha-“

“Shut up!”

He gripped Kacchan’s wrist which was holding him in an uncomfortable iron grip, the collar and his tie feeling a little too tight around his neck as he twisted in Kacchan’s grasp.

His eyebrows were pulled together and his face was a mixture of a scowl and sneer, like he was angry but happy he’d finally been given reason to react.

“The f**k did you just say to me?”

Midoriya’s heart was beating in his ears. This wasn’t going to end well, they were only a minute or two away from Kacchan’s house now as well, he should’ve just kept his mouth shut-stupid stupid

“I’m-I’m sorry I-,”

“The f**k did I say about apologising?if you’re going to say something don’t f**king regret it!" 

Izuku cringed as far away from him as he could. He didn’t know what he was meant to do in this situation, Kacchan didn’t take apologies so he had no idea how he was going to get out of it, didn’t know what he could say to make him stop just for once. He just wanted to be able to do something, anything around him without facing an unneeded consequence.

His eyes were starting to sting, damn it, crying would just make everything worse. He was stronger than this, he shouldn’t be crying but as he felt the first tear stream down his cheek despite desperately trying to stop it, Kacchan’s grip loosened slightly, then he scoffed,

“Are you seriously crying now Deku?”

Kacchan spat the word, he never said his name the same way Uraraka did, from him it always meant useless and the added sneer made it worse.

He mentally tried preparing himself for what would happen next when he was suddenly let go, and shoved backwards.

He stumbled a few steps before catching his balance and bringing his hands up to his face, wiping under his eyes with the back of his hand, more carefully around his left eye that was thumping in a rhythmic beat of pain. He’d have a black eye for sure.

He hadn’t held back on hitting him like he did last night, but he didn’t use his quirk either like in training, so small victories.

He glanced up at Kacchan who was standing a few feet away, the anger still etched on his face but there was something else too now that he couldn’t place but didn’t look natural on him.

He looked down and met his eyes and Izuku instantly moved his gaze back to the ground, bringing a gentle hand up to his face.

Around his eye was sore to the touch and he decided once they got to Aunt Mitsuki’s he’d go to the bathroom and see if he could find any cream to put on it or something and then blame it on training earlier in the day. He wasn’t going to ruin this for his mum.

He swallowed and then glanced up,

“Please Kacchan,”

There was a few seconds of awkward silence but then Kacchan rolled his eyes,

“I wasn’t f**king planning on ruining your mum’s birthday dinner Deku,”

he said and stared at him for a couple more seconds, the unfamiliar look he was sure he’d seen before still plastered on his face,

“C’mon, the Hag’s going to give me hell if we’re late,” his voice was rough.

He hesitated a couple of seconds letting Kacchan get slightly further ahead again and then he followed, like he always did.

His gaze was fixed on the ground as he gripped the handles of his school bag, he was annoyed, at Kacchan and himself, he knew that it was wrong of Kacchan but he’d hardly done anything to defend himself either. He should’ve done something.

They stopped again barely a minute later but this time they were outside Aunt Mitsuki’s house.

He did let a small smile grace his lips, this afternoon hadn’t gotten of to the best start and he didn’t have high hopes for the dinner but he hadn’t seen Aunt Mitsuki in years.

Her and his mum had met a few years before him or Kacchan had been born and had been best friends ever since. It had been slightly strained since he and Kacchan had started not getting along and they rarely saw each other but they still made an effort to meet up, purposefully not bringing the boys with them.

And that’s what made him ask why now? Out of all times why were they both invited round for dinner?

Sure Mitsuki and his mum didn’t know the extent of their relationship but they knew it wasn’t great, so why?

He didn’t even have time to think about an answer before Kacchan knocked aggressively and half a second later the door was flung open.

“Took you long enough brat,” she exclaimed although she had a big smile spread across her face which promptly fell when her eyes swept over him, but she tried to force some kind of smile that wasn’t nearly half as large as before.

He knew what she was looking at, the messy, pulled state of his tie and collar that he had been trying to fix but eventually gave up on, he wasn’t great at ties, and the bruise he could already feel forming over his left eye,

“Wow, Izuku you look so different from what I remember,” That sounded genuine at least.

Her gaze flicked over to Kacchan again and then back to him.

He felt very judged.

“What did you do to him Katsuki?”

Oh crap.

The same moment Kacchan snapped “I didn’t do shit,” Izuku floundered to get out , “It happened in training earlier I promise,”

He sent him a half glare at that, but ended up looking away and back up to his mother indignantly. She didn’t look like she believed him but didn’t say anything.

Kacchan groaned,

“Can we come into the f**king house or what?”

Mitsuki frowned but stepped out of the way, cuffing him on the back of his head as he passed,

“Watch your language brat,”

Then the smile was back when she looked at him as he followed Kacchan in,

“I’m sorry about him Izuku, he’s a pain in the ass I know,”

Kacchan had seemingly already disappeared up the hall but his shout echoed around the house,

“I can still hear you hag,”

“I know Brat,” she yelled back nearly just as loud.

The conversation stopped with the slamming of an upstairs door, Izuku was presuming was Kacchan’s bedroom. He hadn’t seen his room in years, he wondered what it looked like now? Because he barely let people in his dorm either. irrelevant, he was letting his thoughts tangent.

He stood there awkwardly still grasping his school bag handles like they were a life line and his eye was still throbbing.

Mitsuki stared up the stairs for a couple more seconds before shaking her head and muttering something under her breath Izuku couldn’t pick up on.

“He’s a brat,” she said to him through a sigh, “but I’m sure you know that. Here leave your bag by the door, your mum should be here soon and dinner’s almost ready so it shouldn’t be too long.”

She moved toward the kitchen and then pointed to the door on the opposite side of the hall,

“The living rooms in there if you want to do homework or something, I won’t call Katsuki down till dinner so you should have some peace and quiet for a while,”

That- that sounded nice, so he let his mildly awkward uncomfortable smile fall and be replaced with a genuine one. He shrugged off his bag, pulling out a couple of class books,

“Thank you Aunt Mitsuki, I really appreciate it,”

And he really did.

His face still hurt and his tie was still a mess but maybe, with Aunt Mitsuki here, and his mum, tonight wouldn’t be so bad.

Chapter Text

He’d been in his room, door shut, the moment they got home, ignoring the feeling pooling in his stomach. He masked it with anger. Deku had been an idiot, as per usual, and it pissed him off.
That’s all it was.

It wasn’t that he had nearly forgotten Deku was following him, it wasn’t that when he spoke out of blue and unexpected Katsuki could feel his heart rate suddenly stop and then rocket a half second later while the world around him started to feel hazy and he could only hear his pulse in his ears.

Deku hadn’t scared him, he hadn’t, the idea that someone could’ve been so easily behind-Shit he was fine. He was fine.

He hadn’t punched Deku because he was annoyed at himself and how much he’d let his guard down, how volatile he’d become since he’d been kidnapped.

Of course not.

He was fine

He resisted the urge to slam a fist into the wall because it would be stupid and counterproductive but he could still feel the restless energy welling up inside him. he'd never been very good at relaxing.

And that’s when he heard a distant knock on the door, and his mum called him down the stairs.

Fuck this day had already gone to shit. He hadn’t meant to hit Deku, they were meant to be better than that now. And they were, most of the time. But now Aunt Inko was here and she’d see the bruise Deku had, and it wouldn’t take long for her to put two and two together, hell his mum already had, and after they left, he knew he was never going to hear about the end of it. So, an argument was already cued up for later.

His hands were still shaking slightly as he went down the stairs so he shoved them into the pockets of the jeans he’d changed into.
It wasn’t unusual, sometimes after a bad nightmare, or someone creeping up on him unexpectantly, he- he hated to admit it, but it... freaked him out, and he was left with shaking hands.

He knew it was a problem, but there was no way in hell he was going to ask anyone for help, so he was going to deal with it the way he dealt with everything. By himself and ten times better than anyone else.

He could already hear the overzealous hellos from both sides, Aunt Inko maybe a bit more reserved but that was hardly anything new.

He reached the end of the stairs and forced down the swear he could feel rising in his throat. He had said he was going to try to be nice and he meant it. He liked Aunt Inko, she was pretty cool, and he didn’t say that about a lot of people, he wasn’t one hundred percent sure why he thought that, maybe because she’d managed to put up with Deku for so fucking long and hadn’t abandoned him yet.

Not that it fucking mattered if you didn’t want the damn nerd around, he’d never get the message.

“Oh, Katsuki, it’s been forever,”

Well, that was true, but there was a reason for it.

He didn’t exactly smile but he didn’t think he was scowling either so that was as good as she was going to get.

She looked pretty much the same as he remembered, a little different here and there but still the same Auntie Inko he knew when he was younger. She pulled him into a hug, which he didn’t resist but didn’t hug her back either. She pulled back, hands still fixed on his shoulders, he was standing rigidly but she didn’t let go,

“I’m glad your safe,” she said and despite no one else in the hall talking it seemed to take on an awkard silence. He ran his tongue along the back of his gritted teeth.

“Of course I’m safe, you think I’d let those assholes touch me?”

Aunt Inko still had the same soft smile on her face, even if it had fallen a little when he snapped, her eyes were wide and full of sympathy. He shrugged of her hands.

“I’m fine,” he said a little more gently though his voice was still rough, “How are you?”

Her hands were clasped in front of her now, like she wasn’t sure what to do with them. She had the same nervous energy Deku exuded which he didn’t remember her having before. Maybe the nerd was rubbing of on her too much.

“I’m good, you know I-“

Her mouth froze half way open eyes fixed on something over his shoulder. Someone. Shit.

“Izuku, what happened to your face?”

He could practically feel the nerds internal panic as he answered, “Oh, nothing, it was just training,”

Inko shuffled round him and he stepped back, she cupped Deku’s left cheek angling it up toward her, he winced slightly at the touch.
Bakugo saw the mark properly for the first time, it was definitely bruising and it wasn’t going to be pretty. Shit, he’d done that.

“When?” she asked

“Last class,”

For having such a massive dangerous secret that no one could ever know about he was shit at lying.

Inko didn’t look convinced but she dropped it, probably sensing the uncomfortable silence that was filling the space.

Katsuki, wanting to distract himself from whatever was happening in front of him, glanced around the corner into the kitchen to see if his dad was there. He wasn’t which was surprising, usually he was home around early evening. Maybe if he was here the whole dinner would be a little more bearable.

“Where’s the Old Man?”

“He has to work on a little later tonight,”

Great.

His mum clapped suddenly.

And Katsuki startled, bracing, the surprise and volume of the clap getting the better of him.

But in the end, it got everyone’s attention which is what she was intending so it worked out either way.

No one seemed to notice his reaction. “Lets head on into the dining room, food should be ready soon, we can chat until then.”

That sounded awful. And the look his mum and Inko shared didn’t fill him with any confidence. He didn’t know what it meant and he didn’t like not knowing.

XxxX

He briefly wondered if this is what hell felt like.

Sitting at a table, next to Deku and opposite his mum and Aunt Inko.

If it wasn’t then it had to be pretty damn close.

Surprisingly, no one had made an effort at all to break the awkward silence so it was just mounting higher and higher and the air seemed to be getting heavier and heavier. He played with the loose thread on the end of his black jumper under the table, winding it round his finger until it went purple and then pulling it off and letting the blood flow again. It wasn’t a nervous habit, he didn’t have nervous habits but it was something he started doing when his hands shook just so they were occupied with something else.

He glanced at Deku out of the corner of his eyes and wasn’t surprised to see he looked uncomfortable, which was nothing new. The side of his face looked bad and Katsuki pushed down the feeling in his gut which arose with the knowledge that he had been the one to put it there.

He knew he’d get questions from Shitty Hair and the others when they got back to school the next day, they couldn’t lie to them the same way they had their parents, they knew that they hadn’t had training and Deku hadn’t left school that day with a bruise. That was going to be a fun conversation.

At least it would be better than whatever the hell was happening now.

“So,” his mum began he didn’t even try to resist rolling his eyes, “You’re probably wondering why you’re here.”

What?

He glanced between them both

“I fucking wasn’t until now, you told us it was for Aunt Inko.”

Deku beside him looked just as confused, eyebrows pulled together and playing with his hands on the table, running his fingers along the multitude of scars,

“Yeah I-I thought since it was mum birthday tomorrow, we were having dinner.”

“I didn’t want to lie to you,” answered Aunt Inko almost instantly, her hands were on the table as well, clasped together firmly, “But we knew you couldn’t come if you both knew the real reason we wanted to meet up.” She spared a quick glance at Katsuki.

Fuck this. Fuck whatever the hell they wanted to do.

The hag interrupted, “We know you both have a bad relationship, have had for a while, and after your homeroom teacher called us about your fight, we decided we should do something about it.”

“What the hell? nothing is wrong.”

He knew that was a lie, but their relationship or whatever the hell they wanted to call it was the same as it always was, getting better in fact so why the f**k did they find the need to intervene now?

Did Deku say something?

He glanced at the nerd who was looking just as surprised as he was and mildly sick actually,

“Yeah, Kacchan's right, we- it might not be perfect but we’re friends,”

Katsuki couldn’t hold back the scoff at that, more out of reflex than anything else he snapped, “We’re not friends Deku,” in answer.

He could feel Inko and the Hag's eyes on him and he internally groaned.

“You still call him that horrible name.”

“Yeah, well it’s his hero name. If it was so goddamn horrible, he wouldn’t have picked it,”

He couldn’t deny that Deku had… heroic qualities, he was reluctant to admit that, even in his own head, but that wasn’t why he called him Deku. But he didn’t think it was out of pure maliciousness either, he hadn't felt the need to be cruel to Deku swarming inside him in recent months, it was just when he got angry, unplanned and impulsive. At this point he was calling Deku Deku more out of familiarity and routine, because it was what he had always done. He still didn’t like him, but Deku was only an insult when he wanted it to be.

Calling him Izuku would be weird. Even thinking about him as Izuku was weird, he didn’t want to know what the word felt like on his tongue.

“Then the bruise,” his mum snapped, “How did he get that?”

Katsuki gritted his teeth, but Deku answered before he could.

“I told you it was training earlier.”

Why was the damn nerd so desperate to cover for him? He didn’t need his help.

“Except I know you didn’t, I know Katsuki’s time table, you don’t have hero training today, so what’s the truth,”

The table lapsed back into an awkward silence. Deku staring at the table and occasionally looking up with a glance quick look at his mum and The Hag and both of them were staring at Katsuki, eyes like needles.

Fuck it.

“Fine, I hit him, he was pissing me off.”
Deku hadn’t scared him, that wasn’t why he had gotten angry. No way.
Aunt Inko sucked in a breath and he didn’t think he’d seen anyone’s eyes look as disappointed but not surprised as hers looked now. He ignored the twist in his stomach.

It was only going to get worse from here.

He pulled the threat tightly around his finger.

If they were trying to cover everything that happened between them, they had a long way to go.

Chapter Text

The hag laid her hands flat on the table, a frown pulling across her face,

“Katsuki, you damn brat,”

His mum already spoke a level louder than everyone else so when she switched up the dial again it was almost a shout but not quite.

Katsuki got it, yeah, he hit Deku, but did everyone else forget the fact that Deku broke his own fucking bones on a daily basis and they were all fine with that? No, it was only when Katsuki did something, god forbid he have a bruise.

Inko’s gaze was fixed on him and he could feel Deku’s eyes on the side of his head,

“Why?” she asked, and although her voice seemed gentle, he picked up the undercurrent of anger rippling through it, it was a feeling he was so familiar with he couldn’t have missed it if he tried.

“He was pissing me of, the damn nerd wouldn’t shut up,”

“Don’t call him that,”

“That’s what he is!” Katsuki snapped, sitting up rigidly and then after two pairs of glares were sent his way he slumped back in his chair again, fully prepared to argue his point, maybe Deku had one of his fucking notebooks with him that Katsuki could use as evidence.

“I don’t mind being called Deku,” Deku put in, though Deku was shit at lying so Katsuki knew he was telling the truth but at the same time something was off about it, “Or a nerd,” he laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck, “I mean that’s not exactly a lie is it? Honestly, it’s not a big deal anymore,”

He never thought he’d say this but at least Deku seemed to see it for what it actually was, yeah, if he was purposefully trying to hurt Deku calling him Deku could do wonders if he put enough intonation behind it because he knew that from him, Deku was always going to mean useless and no matter what changed meaning he would always be reminded of it. He had seen the look on his face earlier when he'd called him that before he'd hit him. he'd wanted to ingrain it in Deku's head again that he was nothing, so he used the name Deku as a weapon, and it worked.

But he could do a lot worse then that. And he did sometimes, like last week when Deku had been talking to Round Face about him and he overheard, he hadn’t necessarily said anything really bad but if Deku wanted to tell him anything he should say it to his fucking face. Yeah, he had a lot of fucking anger aimed at Deku that day, and it had been worse than ‘damn nerd’

“It is if he’s doing it to hurt you,” Aunt Inko said and Katsuki snorted,

“And what if I’m not, what if it’s just because it’s what we’ve being doing forever, the same way he still calls me fucking Kacchan,”

“He doesn’t do it to be cruel,”

“Neither do I,” Most of the time

He didn’t shout this time, his voice was low and serious, he wasn’t about to be blamed for something he didn’t do,

“Maybe at the start, the first couple of weeks into UA but not anymore. It’s just a nickname, it’s what I’ve always called him. What's the point in insulting someone if they don't even take it as a fucking insult anymore”

He knew Deku still took it as an insult but that wasn't his goddamn problem, he only actually said it as an insult about half the time.

All eyes were fixed on him and it was Deku to first break the silence.

“You never told me that,” Deku’s eyes were wide and incredulous as he stared at him,

“I thought you were smart enough to work it out yourself,” he snapped, not looking away despite how much his body ached for him to turn his gaze to the wall instead, he had to physically force out the words he didn’t even usually let himself think, “I mean you took it as your hero name because Round Face changed the meaning or whatever. As much as I hate to admit it, you’re not fucking useless anymore,”

Urgh, That sounded a lot more like grudging respect when he said it out loud.

“He was never useless,”

Was Aunt Inko going to argue with every single fucking thing he said? Deku wasn’t useless but he was still a pain in the ass who thought he could be better than Katsuki. He was still weak and thought he could beat him. he couldn’t think of a bigger fucking insult than that. What the hell was she going to do when he told them that? Throw a fucking fit? Start crying? It wouldn’t be surprising, Deku had to get his tear ducts from somewhere and it certainly wasn’t his asshole dad.

“Yes he was, he couldn’t do anything and he wanted to be hero, he was useless and fucking delusional. He's still fucking delusional!”

“Katsuki!”

“What?”

“But it paid off, right? My delusion,” Deku cut in, giving Katsuki a dubious look as he spoke, “I mean, I developed my quirk and I got into UA, now all it’s doing is motivating me to get better, so I can prove Kacchan wrong,”

It sounded more like he was telling himself that over everyone else at the table.

Okay. what? The nerd had said he was going to beat him but not the motivation behind it.

He stamped on Deku’s foot underneath the table, the wince would’ve been invisible if you weren’t looking for it, but then Deku fucking stood on his in return and he had to do everything took keep his shoulder shaking in unbridled anger. If this is how Deku wanted to play it fine, he didn’t lose.

“Look,” Deku started again and glanced at him then his mum, his voice was a lot firmer than before and…mildly annoyed? “I know we’re not on the best terms but everything that’s happened before is in the past and I don’t-I don’t want to talk about it right now-“

“That definitely just means there’s more to it,” the hag commented,

Well no shit Sherlock.

“Deku said he didn’t care about it,”

“What? No I didn’t,” Deku’s voice sounded like it was getting dipped in liquid frustration, “I just meant if we’re working stuff out I think it would be better if we did it in our own time,”

He could feel the irritation seeping into his bones again,

“There’s nothing to work out, you goddam asshole,”

“Of course there is Kacchan!” and suddenly Deku seemed to explode, like Katsuki himself had earlier when he hit him.

Maybe today hadn’t just been hard on Katsuki’s shoulders, maybe a lot of it was building up on Deku as well and he finally snapped,

“You noticed how I flinched last night, I wasn’t even afraid, it was just reflex, can’t you see how messed up that is?”

Something twinged in his stomach, “Yeah, because you’re a fucking coward you piece of shit!”

“Because I’ve been conditioned to it expect it from you!”

They were both standing now, though Katsuki and no memory of getting up, or the chair falling behind him in his haste,

“We’ve been getting better the past few weeks, since you found out about-“

Katsuki sent him the sharpest glare he could manage and Deku stopped in his tracks,

“Since All Might,” he corrected, though determination was still sparking in his eyes, “but the past day you’ve been acting like you were at the start of the year!”

“And so fucking what? I’m having a fucking bad day, if you can’t deal with it, for once in your goddamn life, leave me alone and stop being such a clingy, whiny bitch,”

“Katsuki!”

Both parents were forgotten now, all he could see was Deku standing in front of him, not backing down. This had been building between both of them since they first ran into each other in the kitchen at three in the morning.

“I know you don’t think this is important but it is to me, I’ve had live with this every day of my life Kacchan! If you think some imaginary condescending plot is bad try actually being treated like you’re nothing every day for ten years!”

Where the actual fucK had all this come from? Deku had flinched last night and now they were having a full-blown argument in front of their parents. Did the nerd just pick his moment to grow a fucking spine or was it because their parents were there and of course both of them would take Deku’s side, they’d never ask him. Not in a way that meant anything.

“You’ve left me alone for a while now, but today made me remember what it was like for years, worse even, you had the whole class in on it, the teachers, everyone. Not that I’d ever actually forget any of it, but if I thought walking home with you today was bad,”

He gestured to his bruised eye,

“That pales in comparison to- to” he swallowed, “crap,”

Deku’s eyes glistened with unshed tears and one glance at Auntie confirmed that she had even less self-control than Deku, tears were streaming freely down her cheeks and the hag had one arm wrapped around her shoulders, her glare fixed on Katsuki.

Deku fell back into his seat, face pinched tightly and he leant down to pick up his chair and slump back down into it. His gut twisted but anger was still withering inside him, overpowering everything. He scowled at the table. His hands were still shaking. It felt like the whole table was holding its breath, waiting for Katsuki to respond.

“Fuck you Deku. Fuck you,”

The only sounds were of Aunt Inko crying and Deku rubbing roughly at his eyes with the backs of his hands.

Fucking pathetic.

He’d seen the hag angry before, of course he had, it was the norm for them to be at each other’s throats, but this was different the kind of quiet anger he’d only seen once or twice before.

Her face was blank but her eyes were fire as she glared at him.

“We’re going to go back to the start,” she said, in a voice that left no room to argue, “and tell us everything that has happened from the beginning, Izuku you can’t lie so don’t even try. Katsuki, just don’t, this is obviously..” she searched for a word, “worse than we thought it was,”

See, they’d never ask him anything. They noticed Deku’s bruise but not the bruise like circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. Not how his hands shook. Not that he wanted them too, his wasn’t fucking weak and he didn’t need their help and he’d probably be pissed as hell if they did say anything but still.

“Izuku, come on, we already know you two have a terrible relationship, despite how much you’re saying its getting better. This can’t keep happening,” the hag said,

After a tense few seconds Deku glanced at him as if looking for permission and Katsuki saw no f**king way out of this so he shrugged and then Deku did, all be it reluctantly, tell them about how he got the nickname Deku, told them about how Katsuki would always belittle and make fun of him, how Katsuki’s two cronies were always there as well.

Katsuki didn’t interrupt to try and defend himself, he knew he wouldn’t be listened to; besides he had done all the shit Deku said so it wasn’t like he was lying but anger was festering in his veins anyway.

Deku continued, how middle school was the worst, because the whole class basically joined in and the teachers didn’t care, even pointedly saying things that would draw unneeded and unwanted attention to him.

Quirkless Izuku.

Somewhere half way through Deku couldn’t hold the tears in anymore so he was crying too, all up until they got to that day in the class room.

The one Katsuki thought about more than others.

The day he told Deku to jump of the roof.

He was pretty sure in the sea of panic that had cropped up in his nightmare somewhere last night.

He hadn’t really meant it, obviously, even he wasn’t that bad and the two cronies were right, he’d gone too far but he was hardly about to admit it or god forbid, apologise. But he could admit that it was wrong and a really f**ked up thing to do.

He knew Deku wasn’t actually going to do it, the nerd had never done anything he’d told him to before, BUT espite that though thinking about it made him feel sick. What kind of hero said that to someone? Sometimes, even though he knew he was going to be number one hero, better than All Might, what scared him more than being kidnapped by the villains was the fact they might’ve been right. He wasn’t exactly classically heroic, was he? Not like Deku or Shitty Hair-Kirishima. But he was trying.

At the prompting from the Hag, which she had to do a fuck ton of, Deku kept talking, about how the teacher had called him out in front of everyone, about how after class Katsuki had burnt his notebook and thrown it out the window.

He was holding his breath as he waited for the worst of it and then the bursts of anger from his mum and Inko that he knew he deserved. But it never happened, Deku seamlessly skipped right over it.

What the hell?

For months there had been the kind of unspoken agreement between them that they weren’t going to say anything about their history because things had been getting better and they were moving past it but still.

Despite the venom in his veins he didn’t say anything, he was going to wait until he and Deku could talk alone and he could ask what the hell that was about.

“And- and that’s it,” Deku finished, wiping under his eyes which were fixed on the table, “Ever since we’ve got into UA It’s been better, I think especially since he made friends with Kirishima-“

“Don’t fucking bring Shitty Hair into this,”

It was the first time he spoke since Deku had started talking which was maybe the longest he had managed to keep his mouth shut while Deku hadn’t.

“Is that the red one?” his mum asked,

“Yes,” he growled out in response.

The thread at the end of sleeve finally snapped and his hands were left with nothing to do.

“God Katsuki, I knew you were a brat and a pain in the ass but I didn’t think you’d be this bad, that’s not how I raised you,”

He almost laughed, of fucking course not, he had a prime example of how he was meant to act sitting right in front of him, didn’t he? His mother, the Goddamn angel who never did any wrong apparently. A great fucking example.

Inko was still crying which wasn’t surprising, she reached across the table to grab Deku’s hand and held it tightly in her own.

“I knew there was more then you were telling me, Izuku, you could’ve just told me,”

Deku looked utterly frantic at the fact his mum was worrying, like it was anything unusual.

“Mum, please honestly It’s okay, please don’t cry,”

But his words were having no effect.

“You didn’t deserve any of that Izuku, you know that, you didn’t deserve any of that,”

“I know,” he said softly, “But it is getting better, I promise, we’ve both talked to All Might and we’re helping each other with our quirks and Kacchan just had a bad night so-“

He stomped on his foot under the table again, quickly cutting him off and sending a glare at him.

Deku actually glared back, eyes still watery but stopped talking.

“Hey, boys,” The hag snapped and both their eyes shifted to her, she looked angry, like she was trying not to explode, she glanced at Inko, “Dinner is still going to take another half hour,”

What? So they were still all expected to fucking sit down and eat dinner together? Like that wasn’t going to be the most awkward thing on the planet,

“But I want you two to go into the kitchen and make dessert, Inko and I have to talk. If I hear any shouting, any hint that there might be any kind of violence going on in that kitchen." 

Her gaze was fixed firmly on Katsuki as she spoke but left the threat hanging. Which in some ways was infinitely worse and definitely something he should do in future.

He felt like he had a bright red target painted on his chest. And his mum and Aunt Inko were shooting arrows with their eyes.

Aunt Inko looked reluctant to let them be alone together, Deku even more so, but despite not wanting to have to actually spend any time with Deku he did have things he wanted to talk to him about out of earshot of their parents. So maybe this would be good.

Plus, Katsuki was a hell of a good cook.

This dessert was going to be the best fucking thing Inko or Deku had ever eaten.

Chapter Text

He slammed the door to the kitchen shut and was surprised when neither Deku or their parents objected, it wasn’t like he was planning on murdering Deku in the kitchen or anything but either way, he hadn’t expected it. There was a note on the fridge with scrawled instructions he recognised as the hag’s handwriting. Ha, she’d planned his from the start hadn’t she, some kind of way of getting them to work together, like the exam against All Might just slightly less violent.

He tore it off the fridge and read through it, happy for the distraction from what was circling through his head on loop.

Deku, his mum, Inko, villains, nightmares, no sleep.

Tonight was going to be fun, he could tell.

This unbedding of the past was the last thing he needed on top of everything else that he was already trying to keep hidden but was boiling over here and their anyway.

He made an effort to ignore Deku hovering next to him and reading over his shoulder but it got hard when he started speaking.

“Kacchan? Can I talk to you?”

He inhaled a deep breath. What kind of dumb question was that?

“The hell do you think you’re doing right now asshole,”

He heard Deku heave a sigh behind him but ignored it.

“About what you said when you call me Deku, did you really mean-?”

“No,” he snapped because even if It was true, he wasn’t going to let Deku know that, which in turn might have cancelled the other point out making it null and void anyway.

Plus, he was pissed as hell right now so anything that could’ve shut Deku down he was prepared to attack with,

“Apart from you stealing All Might’s power nothing has changed.”

He knew that was harsh but he didn’t care and saying that sparked the memory of a pretty big fuck up Deku had almost made at the table. He spun round to face Deku who didn’t look offended or hurt but deflated and disappointed.

He looked... tired, like he didn’t know what he should’ve expected.

 But Katsuki was ranting and he wasn’t about to let the stupid look on Deku’s face get in his way.

“And speaking of it, you moron, you almost told them how you got your quirk. What the hell were you thinking?”

Deku’s shoulder rose indignantly, “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t thinking, besides I didn’t actually say anything so-“

Katsuki rolled his eyes, “Yeah, because I stopped you from revealing it to the whole goddamn world.”

“Look, I managed to keep the secret this long, I don’t need you to-“

“Except you fucking haven’t have you? I worked it out? It doesn’t take a genius to put all the pieces together.”

Not that he wasn’t a genius but with all the hints Deku had dropped about his ‘borrowed power’, him and All Might constantly sneaking of and thinking they were being subtle about it, how similar their quirks were. Even Sparky could put it together if he had the evidence Katsuki had.

Actually, maybe that was being a little to generous, Shitty Hair maybe. Not Icy Hot, despite the fact he was Deku’s friend, for someone so smart he was also one of the densest people Katsuki knew.

“But I trust you,” Deku said breaking him out of his reverie.

Katsuki almost laughed at that, more in surprise then anything. “Why?”

He shrugged, “Because you’re Kacchan, I’ve known you forever and I know how much you respect All Might even if you won’t admit it and I know that you won’t say anything,”

Katsuki scoffed and turned away, heading toward the counter in the kitchen. Deku wasn’t wrong, he wouldn’t break his promise to All Might, but still. Deku telling him anything, about how it was a borrowed power in the first place, had been stupid.

 Deku was stupid.

This wasn’t a new development.

“Anyway,” Deku’s voice had taken on a careful tone and Katsuki noticed how he had distanced himself to get a bowl, but he guessed that wasn’t the whole reason Deku was on the other side of the room, “Apart from that, I thought you’d be more… angry about what I said to mum and Aunt Mitsuki.”

Katsuki’s shoulders tensed but he didn’t turn around to look at him. “Well, it’s not a lie is it? You’re just a massive sensitive baby about the whole thing.”

He pulled down a measuring jug from the cupboard slamming it on the counter,

“Hey Deku, why the fuck did you leave it out?”

The door was closed and their parents were probably wrapped up in conversation but he still lowered his voice.

“What are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,”

It was silent for a few seconds.

“Oh…oh,”

What the hell kind of answer was that? He turned around to face Deku, leaning back against the counter arms folded across his chest.

“Is that all you have to say?”

Deku looked annoyed, it was a weird expression that didn’t suit his face,

“No, I just didn’t think they needed to know that,”

“Why the fuck not?”

Deku was an idiot, but if he thought what Katsuki said was just not important enough to mention then he was an even bigger one than what he already thought.

Deku’s hands were clenched tightly around the bowl but he looked up at him determination in his eyes that were still a little pink and puffy from crying,

“It was something between us. And y-you didn’t mean it, right?”

He hesitated, the fact that Deku even had to ask that made him feel a little sick.

“Yeah, I didn’t mean it. But I’m not apologising if that’s what you’re waiting for.”

“You know it was wrong, that you shouldn’t say,” he shook his head as if shaking away the memory, “Anything like that, to anyone.”

Katsuki stayed silent. Deku must’ve taken that as reluctant confirmation but the irritation was still clear on his face.

“I didn’t actually mean for you to throw yourself of a roof Deku.” He said eventually and the crease between Deku’s eyebrows got deeper.

“They why did you say it Kacchan?” When he didn’t answer Deku continued, voice sounding firmer, “Do you have an explanation or was it just a laugh for you and your friends?”

The burst of frustration that had made an appearance earlier in the green mop had apparently come back again. He didn’t doubt that Deku talking about everything just reignited anger and hurt, past and present.

His lip twitched in barely bottled rage. Shit, he knew he shouldn’t have said it but he said he didn’t mean it.

Deku had never listened to anything Katsuki had told him to do before, the nerd had always been too busy trying to be a hero and no matter how many times Katsuki had told him to give up that pipe dream he hadn’t listened. So why would this be any different?

He decided to keep his mouth shut otherwise he was going to make things worse and picked up the jug with the intention of actually starting to make the dessert when Deku started speaking again,

“So is this the one time you’re not going to answer me?”

He was trying so damn hard to not react but he whirled round anyway, “Deku I swear to God-”

“What? You’re going to hit me again?” Deku snapped just like the thread on the sleeve of his jumper, “Why can’t you ever just have a conversation like a normal person? We could talk about this Kacchan, properly, and try and work stuff out like they want us to. I wasn’t lying in there, we’re getting better. You’re getting better even if you don’t want to admit it!”

“I’m not a good person!” he shouted back

Shit, he hadn’t meant to say that. Not like it wasn’t true, the thought had been circling his head since he came back from Kamino but he hadn’t planned on admitting it to anyone, Especially not Deku.

Deku’s expression suddenly twisted to one of confusion.

And that made his insides twinge and he didn’t even know what emotion it was anymore.

No way could Deku understand, he’d been a perfect little angel his whole life according to literally anyone who wasn’t Katsuki. He didn’t have to be chained up for the sports festival or have people say his best friend (fucking fine he’d admit Kirishima was his best friend) was only that because they were the only one that could hold him back when he was pissed like he was a dangerous dog the owner had to keep in check.

He heard what people said. He ignored them but he heard them

He scoffed, mouth twisting up,

“Don’t fucking lie to yourself. I screwed up your whole life, is that what you want to hear? I’m the person that ended All Might when all I ever did was look up to him. I-I’m fucking trying to be better but I’m still so fucking angry all the time. Even after what All Might said I still hate you, you condescending shit, is that normal?”

 What was the point? He’d already given away more than he ever wanted Deku to know, more than he ever wanted anyone to know. He was spilling his feelings again and it was stupid because it was what he spent so long repressing and ignoring and all it took was one look from his mum but her not really seeing him, Deku talking about All Might, the f**king bruise on Deku’s face- shit. He blamed it on sleep deprivation, he was really off his game today.

“Kacchan-”

“Shit, Deku, for once in your life stop talking,”

He was aware that when he spoke his voice didn’t sound angry, just done. He was tired, he was running on two hours of sleep.

The backs of his eyes were stinging and his hands were shaking. His heart beating a little too fast

Deku hadn’t said anything about the swan dive of the roof because he thought it was something that should stay between them. After all he had done to the damn nerd, he still believed he could be a good person.

The villains thought he could be one of them.

What did that say about who he was as a person?

And they didn’t even know the extent of what he’d done, how he had made Deku’s life hell on a daily basis to put the nerd back in his place and make sure he would never forget that he was less then Katsuki in every way.

(It felt like the sludge villain was working its way down his throat again, cutting of his oxygen supply)

And it was worse because guilt was only beginning to nip at his stomach now when it definitely should have months ago and with Deku staring at him with wide eyes he still had the overwhelming urge to yell that he didn’t need his pity, to shove him away until his eyes went from worried to nervous again because that’s how it should be. He should know that Katsuki was f**king better than him.

Something smashed.

Half a second later when his brain had panicked and then responded properly, he realised he’d dropped the jug and it was now hundreds of tiny shards on the floor.

Shit.

His mouth parted slightly and he glanced from the floor to Deku, if the nerd looked worried before he looked utterly concerned now.

(He finally felt like he could breathe again)

“Shut up,” he growled, ignoring the flush he could feel work its way up his neck at the fact Deku had just witnessed whatever the hell that was.

“I-I didn’t say anything,” Deku said voice quiet again.

“You were going to, you always do.”

Just as he was speaking the door to the kitchen opened and his mum and Inko stood on the other side, eyes fixed on his as if he was a criminal who had broken out of jail.

“What the hell are you doing?” his mum snapped,

And if he hadn’t been brought fully back to reality before the familiarity grounded him.

“I dropped it,” he responded immediately, “I wasn’t throwing it at his head or some shit,”

His mum looked like she didn’t believe him. Aunt Inko was just…staring at him weirdly

“Katsuki,” she said, voice as gentle as always, “Are you crying?”

While he would’ve liked to be able to say f**k no he realised he wasn’t exactly aware of what his body had been doing in the last thirty seconds and as he brought a hand up to his face, he did find under his eyes were slightly damp. No wonder Deku looked so concerned.

Shit.

He didn’t say anything.

“Why the hell are you crying Katsuki? If anyone has the right to cry tonight it’s Izuku, you brat.”

Out of his peripheral vision he noticed Deku’s head drop to the ground at that.

“I don’t fucking know.” he gritted his teeth.

One glance to the glass on the floor.

He didn’t remember dropping the jug.

His hands were still shaking.

He needed to leave. He needed to have five minutes to himself today, to get some sleep, to stop talking about this when everything else was already messing with his head, when the villains were still fresh in his mind-how they had taken him because they thought he fit in with them.

He sucked in a shuddering breath hoping no one would notice.

“I’m going to my room,”

He ignored the confused look Aunt Inko shot Deku and made his way to the door, shouldering past the Hag.

He barely stepped a foot into the hall but of course his mum wouldn’t let him go that f**king easily,

“Katsuki I don’t know what you think you’re doing but you’re cleaning up thi-“

She didn’t get to finish her sentence because on his way past her she grabbed the back of his collar-the back of his neck- just like-just like Dabi-

His hands exploded.

Chapter Text

He almost saw it happening before it did.

He knew something was up with Kacchan the past few weeks, especially today but after last night he decided he’d be better off not mentioning it, or at least he’d be better of picking his moment.

He’d noticed Kacchan’s hands were shaking slightly but they were so caught up in arguing that he didn’t let himself really think about it until Kacchan seemed to freeze and then a few seconds later drop the jug, the noise it made upon impact snapping him awake from whatever that was.

Midoryia was an expert at zoning out, especially when he was mumbling, Uraraka always let him know that, but he didn’t think he’d ever seen it happen to Kacchan before and he wasn’t sure how to react.

And then he had noticed that Kacchan’s eyes were welling up slightly as he stared at nothing, frozen, and he had absolutely no idea what he was meant to do. Anyone else would be simple but it was never simple with Kacchan, he always had to dissect so many layers.

Kacchan seemed to break out of the reverie at the shattering jug which had made Izuku jump as well. Due to the complete surrealness of the situation, of what Kacchan had just said he wouldn’t have put it past him to throw it at him and he was honestly just glad that the it had smashed at Kacchan's feet and not on the wall next to his own head.

Kacchan must’ve been able to hear him thinking because he snapped at him to shut up, and while Izuku hadn’t actually said anything he complied anyway.

And then Aunt Mitsuki and his mum came in and everything got infinitely worse.

The fact that Kacchan was making an effort to leave was probably good, seeing him like this was uncomfortable for both of them and him getting some space to breath and calm down would be beneficial to everyone. Plus it would give Izuku at least fifteen minutes to come up with a game plan to deal with whatever the heck that just was.

But Aunt Mitsuki’s expression twisted as Kacchan pushed past her and she reached out to catch him.

Izuku saw it go wrong before she even actually grabbed him, he wanted to tell her that Kacchan was in a fowl mood, worse than he’d seen in a while, and he was being weird and it was making Deku even more nervous than usual but by the time he opened his mouth to say something he was too late.

Mitsuki had grabbed him, holding him in place.

Kacchan froze for half a second, his shoulders tensing, hands squeezed into fists, you could've heard a pin drop.

And then he reacted.

The door way lit up with the bright, violent, orange that seemed to shake the room as Kacchan whirled around, fists filled with fire, his eyes looked glazed over, like he wasn’t even really seeing them.

He knew Kacchan would get angry if Aunt Mitsuki grabbed him but he wasn’t expecting something like this. He wasn’t expecting him to lash back using his quirk that could really hurt someone.

But that wasn’t all that bothered him, the energy surrounding Kacchan felt like panic.

Izuku was familiar enough with the feeling to recognise it and it curled in his chest right now too.

The sound of the explosion, loud and volatile rang in his ears making it difficult to think.

What had just- Did that really-

“Katsuki!” Aunt Mitsuki shouted, stumbling back just out of reach of the explosion that singed the top and side of the doorway, a mixture of shock and anger painted on her features. His mum did the same, jumping back, eyes wide.

 Izuku flinched, hands coming up to protect himself but didn’t move

Kacchan’s palms were sparking, fingers curled tightly into near claws set in a defensive stance as he stared at them. His breathing sounded erratic, eyes flickering unseeing between them.

Crap, he realised,  crap because there was another reason this felt familiar, it was the same as the day Kirisima had slung his arm around his shoulder and Katsuki had reacted similarly but it was less of a big deal because the so called Bakusquad had laughed it off and made fun of him for being jumpy, there had been no real risk of Kirishima being hurt, but if it was someone else who couldn’t harden their skin and they made him jump so badly that he literally exploded…

He had told him this this morning, this was literally what had sparked their whole fight in the first place, and as much as he hated to admit it and how wrong it made him, feel the satisfaction of being proven right was nice.

He quickly shook that thought and the echoing explosion from his head and then was moving before he even realised what he was doing, shoving Aunt Mitsuki behind him, ignoring the furious expression plastered across her face but noting how the shoulder and upper arm of her cardigan was a dark smouldering mess that she clutched at with her other hand. Even if this was Kacchan, even if that was Aunt Mitsuki, she was still a civilian he still had to protect her.

He thought the explosion had just missed but she hadn’t moved quickly enough. Crap

Although Kacchan was panicking-having a flashback maybe? He didn’t know -his reflexes were still insane apparently.

“Kaccha-“ he didn’t even get the whole word out before sparking hands grabbed at his collar and slammed him roughly against the cabinet. His head jerked backward at the sudden movement and bashed into the wood.

Ow. Crap.

Midoryia choked out a breathless cough, he’d hit the cabinet hard enough to knock the wind out of him as well and it took a few seconds to get it back.

He vaguely heard his mum call his name but all he could see right now was Kacchan, how frantic his eyes looked, how dark the bags below them were.

Izuku briefly recalled that the last time they had been in this position, him slammed up against a wall with Kacchan looming over him.

It had been after they’d both been accepted into UA and Kacchan had been angry because he told him not to go.

It had been the first time that he stood up to him.

It was different now though.

Kacchan’s chest was heaving, shoulders rising and falling too quickly, even as the hand that gripped his collar got tighter, and too hot for comfort, smoke rising, it was still shaking.

Some of glass under Kacchan’s foot cracked.

 Izuku gripped at his wrists.

“Kacchan,” he said, trying to keep his voice level, “Kacchan it’s me Izuku. Deku. It’s me, you’re safe, you’re not- you’re not there,”

He didn’t know whether his words would do anything or if it would turn out that the reason for Kacchan’s outburst didn’t have anything to do with the Legue of Villains like he guessed and Kacchan would just make fun of him for being stupid.

But the grip on his collar loosened fractionally.

Relief flooded through him, but with that, the apprehension for later. Kacchan was still going to was going to be pissed at him no matter what.

He gritted his teeth, ignoring the thought, that didn’t matter right now, all that mattered was that Kacchan’s breathing was starting to slow and his hands didn’t feel like they were radiating heat anymore.

"It's me," he said again meeting his eyes and locking onto the gaze.

Kacchan blinked and it looked like he was finally seeing him, red eyes clear and disturbingly defenceless. He stared at him for a second, gaze darkening before it was back to the familiar resentment. A scowl stretched its way across his face.

Izuku’s stomach flipped.

“F**king Deku,” Kacchan said eventually, his voice low and rough, fist still twisted around his shirt

He swallowed, not one hundred percent sure how he was meant to reply, “yeah”

He settled on that hoping Kacchan wouldn’t find offence in the most neutral answer he could think of.

Izuku stilled for second, he hadn’t let go of him yet and he was still awkwardly shoved against the cupboard, a handle sticking uncomfortably into his back, the back of his head throbbing a little, The front of his shirt was burned.

“Kacchan?”

The grip on his collar tightened again as Kacchan’s eyes refocused and he pulled him forward before shoving him back again roughly. He held back yelp as his lower back bashed painfully against the handle.

Kacchan finally let go of him.

“F**K!” he shouted, turning around, he fixed his gaze fixed on the wall, he wasn’t looking at any of them, “F**k!”

Izuku waited a few seconds before he peeled himself from the wall, taking a careful step forward, raising his arms slightly to show he wasn’t a threat, just in case Kacchan was still high from adrenaline.

That was- that was weird.

In the moment all he wanted to do was snap Kacchan out of it, but what the hell were they meant to do now?

He knew one thing at least and it was to not ask if he was okay, because he knew what Kacchan would do if he asked, even if it went against every fibre in his being to keep quiet.

He glanced up at his mum who had backed away to the other side of the kitchen, an arm pulled around Aunt Mitsuki’s shoulder in almost a parallel to earlier when it had been the other way around. They were both wide eyed, staring at Kacchan like he was some kind of criminal and Izuku didn’t know what to think.

There was still a light stream of smoke from the cardigan.

The kitchen was quiet. It felt like it suddenly went from roaringly loud to silent in seconds.

Kacchan’s shoulders were still rising and falling heavily, his breathing the only sound that was echoing, the glass on the floor glinting with reflections from the lights on the ceiling.

Then his gaze finally raised from the ground and he glanced from him to their parents.

And then he froze again, breath hitching,

Izuku knew he’d finally noticed Mitsuki.

From her shoulder to just above her elbow was burnt and she was peeling off the cardigan, wincing as she pulled the material over her arm. His skin was red and painful looking.

He knew the extent of how much Kacchan’s explosion could hurt and it didn’t look as bad as it could’ve been considering the situation but still, it wasn’t even about the strength of the explosion but the fact he had exploded at all.

How had Kacchan gone from stomping on his foot under the table so the adults wouldn’t notice to this?

“F**K, mum I-” Kacchan breathed, he sounded-he sounded like he was trying not to cry, he didn't finish the sentence leaving it hanging in air, the silence was becoming a thick tension.

“I think we should go outside,” Izuku stated in a mix of panic and complete lack of any knowledge of what he was meant to do in this situation. His first thought was just to get Kacchan away from ground zero so he could cool down a bit.

 Because he knew Kacchan and he knew Aunt Mitsuki.

Kacchan needed to do what he was originally trying to, take a step back, get some fresh air. He felt like any interaction with anyone now wouldn’t lead to anything good.

He needed to get Kacchan away.

But he knew he was the worst person possible for this situation. Kacchan wasn’t going to listen to anything he said, if he had been angry before he didn’t want to imagine the fury that would be coursing through him now.

 Kacchan didn’t like looking weak and damn had that been one massive display of what Katsuki would perceive as weakness.

Izuku didn’t know why he felt like it was his responsibility, he didn’t know what just happened but he felt like he had to do something.

Kaccahn didn’t turn to look at him immediately after he spoke, his shoulders tensed, hands clenched into fists, but he let the silence linger, like he knew it would make him more nervous.

“F**k off Deku.” Kacchan’s voice was hoarse and angry.

Izuku didn’t doubt the anger was directed at him, there wasn’t a reason for it but since when had Kacchan ever needed one?

“Please,” he said and he ignored the fact that his voice was shaking slightly, had Kacchan actually panicked or had the whole day just pushed him over the edge? “you’re going to make things worse,”

“Katsuki-“

“Shut up.”

Kacchan’s hands sparked again, and Izuku unwittingly took a step back, he noticed Mitsuki and his mum do the same and Kacchan was left standing in the middle of the room clenching his hands into fists to stifle the sparks.

He wanted to say something, he wanted to grab Kacchan and drag him out of the room till he cooled down, but the front of shirt was still smouldering and his face was still store from earlier and he knew that if he tried anything Kacchan would react, and this time he wasn’t the only one in the blast range.

He was unbelievably volatile and he’d be on the receiving end of it.

Crap.

“Kacchan-“

“Deku I swear to God-“

“I-I’ll call Kirishima, or someone else who can deal with your explosions,”

He didn't want to call anyone, he and Kacchan had fought before and he'd almost won, he wasn't afraid of him anymore, but at this point he didn't want Kacchan to level the house with an explosion if he tried to actually drag him away or even pissed him off too much, he didn't think he would obviously, but Kacchan was being unpredictable, he'd never thought he'd burn his mum either. But that was hardly on purpose, Izuku had seen the way his eyes had glazed over, the panic in them.

Kacchan spun to face him, face twisted in anger, probably at the thought of Deku sharing this with anyone that hadn’t witnessed it,

“F**k you.” His voice wavered

Kacchan’s hands were still shaking, he noted, trying his best to ignore the insult, but his gaze must’ve lingered a little too long because he shoved them in his pockets two seconds later and fixed Deku with a glare he was too familiar with.

 The energy around them was palpable, if Kirishima was here he could probably talk Kacchan down and if that didn’t work at least his quirk could withstand his explosions but as of now he couldn’t do anything, and he just hoped Kacchan wouldn’t get angry enough to ruin the house.

“Katsuki,”

It was Aunt Mitsuki, this wasn’t going to end well. He sent her a look which was practically begging her to stop talking but she either didn’t notice it or ignored him.

“What the hell was that?”

He didn’t miss a beat when he answered, “F**k- I-I don’t f**king know.”

Kacchan’s voice was laced with venom but it was hard to take his words seriously when his voice was so raw and he didn’t even turn around to face her.

Deku wasn’t sure whether he genuinely didn’t care or he felt too ashamed. Sure, Kacchan wasn’t nice but he still wanted to be a hero so he hoped it was shame, and then he felt slightly bad for hoping one of his friends felt guilty.

Besides he still had to work out how he was going to-

And Oh.

His stomach dropped.

He just had a terrible idea of how to get Kacchan out of the house. It involved his imminent death at the moment but the optimistic side said that maybe once they got outside and Kacchan was hit with cold air and they were in a place that didn’t feel so claustrophobic he’d take a step back and evaluate the situation the situation before blowing up. Plus, Kacchan was smart, he knew that he couldn’t use his quirk in such an openly public place like the middle of the estate he lived in.

But Kacchan didn’t need his quirk. Making him angry enough to chase him outside was a terrible plan, maybe-

“Fucking hell. Shit.” Kacchan hissed interrupting his inner mumbling and storming toward him, red eyes crackling with fire.

Crap had he been mumbling out loud?

Instantly Deku felt himself tense, raising his hands and preparing for a fight he really desperately didn’t want to have but Kacchan just stalked right past him, roughly hitting his shoulder with his own hard enough that he stumbled back a step as he left the kitchen.

“Katsuki!” Mitsuki yelled after him voice loud and high pitched and angry but she didn’t get an answer.

Half a second later the front door slammed and Izuku’s knee jerk reaction was to run after him, like he had been doing since he was little. But the minute he turned around with every intention to give chase, he was stopped by two voices saying his name,

“Izuku,” it was Aunt Mitsuki again and he had to fight everything in him to not just flat out ignore her and follow Kacchan instead.

He shouldn’t be going out in the dark by himself, the teachers had imposed a buddy system after dark for a reason, and Kacchan really didn’t seem like he had everything together right now.

“Izuku what was that? What the hell were you two talking about before we came in?” he didn’t think she’d ever had this much anger directed at him before. It was intimidating but in a similar way to Kacchan, all loud and overpowering, except he wasn’t nervous that she would hit him.

“I-,” he glanced at the door, “Just stuff, things from school and then it got more heated and I was shouting and Kacchan was shouting and I think- I think you grabbed him the same way Dabi did, back at camp when the villains took him,”

“You mean when he was weak enough to get himself taken?” she snapped, she was pissed as hell as well, it ran in the family.

But it was what she said that made him stop. It sounded disturbingly similar to what Kacchan had said during their fight and the thought weighed uncomfortably in his stomach. Had Aunt Mitsuki actually said that to Kacchan or had she kept that thought to herself?

Another thought that coursed through him that made him feel slightly sick and really reluctant to leave Katsuki alone in the dark was the fact he said he wasn’t a good person, he didn’t know why Kacchan had said that, whether he just meant it as a general statement about his character but it didn’t bother him or if it was something else. And if it was something else, what he was feeling now.

 He had just burnt his mum.

What the hell was going on with him?

“You-you shoulder really put some ice on your shoulder Aunt Mitsuki,” he said

“I’m fine.”

“Izuku,” He turned to his mum, mildly grateful for the excuse to look away from Mitsuki.

Although what he really wanted them to stop talking to him so he could just leave,

“Are you hurt?” She said

“What? Me? no, I’m fine, please, I just need to go find him," he took a step back toward the door, "just find something cold to put on the burn okay?"

Another step,

"I’ll bring him back, I’ll text you, then we can talk”

He would’ve added on an I promise but he didn’t know if that was a promise he could keep and he'd barely finished the sentence before sprinted out the door and skidded into hall, unlocking the front door and stepping into the cool air outside letting it swing shut behind him.

The cold air was like sudden relief from the house that had felt suffocating since he'd stepped through the door. It was nice change. 

He ran a hand through his hair and looked both ways hoping for some kind of indication to tell him which way Kacchan had gone but there was nothing. The street was completely empty apart from a car that was turning into a house at the bottom of the road, illuminated by the orangey glow of the street lamps.

Exhaling a deep breath his shoulders slumped suddenly and he hadn’t even realised he’d been tensing until he wasn’t anymore.

He had lied to his mum, everything was sore, his head, his back, the side of his face. But he’d had worse so he could get over it.

He sighed.

He had no idea where Kacchan might have gone. And as much as he knew Kacchan would hate the idea and naturally hate him for having it, if he was going to find him quickly, he needed help.

He knew Kacchan better than most people, they'd known each other since they were four but Kacchan had closer friends, people he spent time with now who might have a better idea of where he would go to if he needed some time to be alone or let off a few explosions, maybe a place where he went to hang out with them sometimes.

There was also the possibility that he might’ve gone back to the dorms.

Crap.

He pulled out his phone, flicking through his contacts till he found Kirishima’s number, briefly he thought about trying to call Kacchan but the idea was rejected as soon as it made itself know, if his number flashed on Kacchan phone he was more likely to blow it up than answer.

Yeah he’d kind of said he’d call Kirishima in a half panicked, I have no idea what I’m meant to do or how I’m meant to deal with this situation first thought that came into his head kind a thing but the more he thought about it the more it made sense, plus Kirishima spent the most time with him, he was most likely to know where Kacchan hung out, where he might be now.

Without letting himself over think it, he pressed the call button.

It rang for a few seconds before Kirishima answered,

“Hey Midoryia, what’s up? You all good?”

It was really nice to hear such a sunshiney voice that actually sounded happy speaking to him. He felt like he’d just been yelled at all day, it was nice change of pace, a chance to slow down for second and know that he didn’t have to second guess every word he said.

“Yeah, I mean no, I-sorry." he swallowed, "We had a fight and Kacchan left, and with the buddy system and everything- I’m going to go look for him but would you mind just checking some places you think he might go?”

“I mean, sure” His voice was still smiley but it held traces of worry, then it sobered up again, just as confident as before “but this is Bakugo we’re talking about, even if something happened he’d be able to handle himself. He’d be super pissed if he heard what you were saying right now,”

He deflated slightly, sighing into the phone, “I know,”

“Look, it's good, you want me to bring anyone else or-“

“No," he snapped in response a little to quickly, "No, Kacchan’s really angry at me, if you bring anyone else into it…” he let the sentence trail off,

“Ah, I got you dude, no worries, I’ll text you if I find him. Is he okay though?”

“Yes?” it sounded more like a question then an answer, “No? He’s-he’s just Kacchan,”

“Yeah, I got you. I’m putting my jacket on now, I’ll text you if I find him,”

He couldn’t deny he felt a little better knowing that he had someone else on his side, he smiled slightly,

“Thank you Kirishima,”

“No problem man, I’ll see you later,”

“Yeah, bye,"

“Bye,”

He ended the call, putting the phone back in his pocket after making sure the volume was turned up to full.

He felt a little lighter, he was still shaken up, but talking to Kirishima helped, something about him was just calming.

He allowed himself thirty seconds to just stand there and let the cool wind brush past him ruffling his messy hair, enjoying the silence apart from the sounds of birds and distance cars.

And then he had to open his eyes again and drag himself back to reality.

He turned right and started jogging down the side of the road.

Chapter Text

He didn't mean to. He didn't fucking mean to.

Everything was burning. His hands, his lungs, the backs of his eyes. And he felt like he was about to be sick. Katsuki hadn’t been sick in years, and even when he was he never admitted it, always pushing through it but this was something different.

He’d just- he’d just- shit.

Shit.

He tried to blink away the stinging at the backs of his eyes but his cheeks were wet and nothing was fucking working. It was like his whole body was rebelling against him, he could hear his heart thumping in his ears and his fingers twitching to let off an explosion so he stuffed them in his pocket before anyone else got hurt.

Once he’d left the house, he'd sprinted which wouldn’t be usual to the neighbours, before they moved to the dorms he ran every evening.

The day- no not just the day the whole week had gone from bad to worse and this was just the fucking picture perfect end to it wasn’t it?

Him- him blowing up. Literally. badly enough to- to fucking burn his own mum.

Bile rose in his throat and he had to stop by the side of the road for a few seconds panting heavily, trying to suck in fresh air till the nausea passed.

He barely even remembered it either. He just felt a cold hand latch on around his neck and then he was back at camp during the summer and fucking Deku was running at him with two broken arms and looking like he should be dead not moving and then the fear that had seized his stomach as he told Deku to stay back because as much as he fucking hated him he couldn’t be the reason he was taken too.

It was bad enough he weak enough to get himself caught but if he had dragged Deku under with him he didn’t think he’d ever climb out of that hole.

And speaking of the bastard.

Katsuki's steps got harder as he walked, he was almost stamping down the road now as he thought, hands clenched into fists in his pockets.

Katsuki knew what he was thinking, he knew the moment the world had come back from a hazy white with Deku slammed against a cupboard and his hand fisted around his shirt that Deku was fucking ecstatic.

Why wouldn’t he be?

He was fucking right.

It was almost the exact same thing that happened with Kirishima but on a bigger scale where someone got hurt.

His mum got hurt.

He didn’t mean to. He didn’t fucking mean to. Of course he didn’t.

But Deku had the fucking audacity to be happy about it.

But he could hardly blame him could he. Deku fucked up on a daily basis so it wasn’t anything but him? Doing something this stupid-  he didn’t mean it, it went by in a such a blur that he hardly remembered it happening, but he turned around and he saw his mum- arm red and angry and blistering and the only fucking thought circling his head was

They were right.

And then Deku jumped in all high and mighty, looking down on him like he always did, he always had done, how had he ever believed even slightly, that maybe Deku was telling the truth that night at Ground Beta. Deku was still the same fucking condescending bastard he’d always been. And he was loving this.

He fucking threatened to call Kirishima like he was a wild animal who needed taming. Like he wasn’t so fucking self-satisfied that Katsuki had finally exploded. Shown how weak he was, how much of a villain he was.

Fuck. What was he saying? If Deku’s stories about middle school hadn’t been enough earlier this confirmed it didn’t it?

But fuck him anyway. He felt guilt pulling knots at his insides already, he didn't need Deku to try and pull him away.

He need didn’t need Deku full stop.

There was no way in hell that he would’ve fired of another explosion. Not willingly.

It was just- The second his mums hand touched his neck it was like he wasn’t there anymore.

He knew he was in the house he knew he’d known all these people his whole fucking life but in the moment,  he had no idea what the fuck was happening. His heart was beating too fucking fast and his hands were fucking shaking and he couldn’t fucking breathe and all he could hear was echoes of fucking Deku screaming his name in his ears.

He was seeing pigtails and knives and dry skin and hands that could make him decay and fucking Dabi who had grabbed him and all of them talking with such confident voices that he belonged there with them.

Had he just fucking proven them right?

He stopped abruptly the sudden wave of nausea too bad to push down with a few deep breathes. He threw up at the side of the road into a bush, hacking and wretching until all the bile had left his throat leaving the bitter, acidic after take.

Water would’ve been good but he didn’t have any. He hadn’t exactly loaded up on supplies when he left the house.

Damn.

He rubbed his eyes roughly with the back of his hand, ignoring the fact he was crying, and stood up from his hunkered position, inhaling deeply, and ignoring how his world went dizzy for a few seconds.

Everything was wrong. Everything felt so wrong. He didn’t mean to.

Fuck, once UA heard, once the other fucking idiots in his class heard- once fucking Deku told them- told the teachers-.

And then the media would find out and if they didn’t have it out for him enough already, why wouldn’t they be following the kid who was taken by two different villains and then had to be chained up on national TV. It would be a fucking field day for them. To push him another few steps back.

He ran a hand through his hair, damp from sweat. Sweat that was explosive. He needed a damn shower. He knew he was going to go back to the house eventually, he’d be gone maybe half an hour at most he just needed to get away. To have some time to himself. To try to think.

He couldn't think all his thoughts were just to frantic and out of order. Damn.

This was it wasn’t it? this was what it was all leading up to? he was the best at everything, including ignoring and pushing down all his shit until it became too much- and tonight. Tonight, it became to fucking much and there were consequences

So finally, he’d go over everything, he decided, go back to the start, back to the camp and work out the issues and how to fix them.

By himself.

He didn’t need anyone else.

And then his phone rang. The sudden sound in the silence felt out of place but he reached into his back pocket anyway. If this was Deku calling him he was going to-

Shitty Hair.

Oh.

He actually thought about answering because god knows why Kirishima would be calling him unless Deku actually carried through with his threat but he didn’t think the nerd actually had the balls to go through with it, he’d fucking know how much that would piss Katsuki off.

He pressed decline and then shoved the phone back in his pocket, continuing at walking pace down the street. He couldn’t run anymore, he didn’t have the energy to run and the hit of adrenaline was wearing of leaving him tired and slumped and so unlike himself.

He shook his head.

He was meant to be Bakugo fucking Katsuki. He was the best student at UA, he was meant to be the number one hero, better than All Might himself and he was going to beat Deku.

That was always the plan. That was still the plan. He is going to be the best fucking hero if it’s the last thing he does.

(That didn't feel so true anymore but he'd keep lying to himself till he got to the top)

But to do that, he has to fix the things that make him seem like a villain. He decides that one the side of the road resolutely.

He wasn’t going to change his attitude. He wasn’t suddenly going to become nice, no he’s quite happy being the asshole he is, it gets shit done.

But he wasn’t a good person, he didn't lie when he said that to Deku earlier. He was self aware enough to know that, he just didn't care most of the time, but now it was creeping back up on him and hearing everything Deku said earlier- he should try and fix it because as pissed as he was at Deku he was right (fuck that hurt to think) when he told their parents about their history together, Katsuki had done all that shit and he knew if that was presented in front of him with Aizawa at his side asking if that was how a hero would act he’d say no.

A hero, wouldn’t send someone home with bruises and burns. (unless they were a villain but that’s beside the point)

But even the thought of apologising to Deku was a blow to his pride. How low would he be sinking if he said sorry. Especially after whatever the hell just happened and he could picture Deku’s smug face with those huge fucking condescending eyes that were laughing behind his back.

And besides Deku had All Might in his corner now if the stuff Katsuki did was still getting to him did he seriously even deserve to inherit his power. Fuck no.

But then Deku’s eyes filled with fear and apprehension as they walked home earlier also appeared in his mind.

How Deku flinched in the kitchen last night.

The new bruise on his cheek.

Fucking hell.

No.

That bastard didn’t deserve anything.

He was just tired, and being fucking torn apart from the inside out with guilt. It was fine. He was fucking fine.

Shit he was a mess wasn’t he?

The phone rang again and this time he ripped it from his pocket angrily swiping accept and fully prepared to yell down the phone.

But the Kirishima spoke first.

“Oh hey, Bakugo, you answered!” He winced holding the phone away from his ear slightly, why was Kirishima so damn loud, “I was expecting to have to call at least a couple more times before you finally picked up.”

“Well whoop-de-Fucking-do for you Shitty Hair,” his voice sounded ragged in his own ears. “What do you want?”

“Wow, you sound like shit.”

“Yeah, I feel like it too, what the hell do you want?”

“Look, I know you’re busy tonight but I really don’t understand the homework could I come over?”

At least apparently Deku hadn’t called him to wrangle him home. But either way, this was the last thing he needed right now.

“I’m not at home,”

“Where are you then? I’ll bring my books,”

Shit Kirishima was as dense as Kaminari sometimes.

He didn’t answer but didn’t hang up, “Come on dude, please, I really need your help,”

He rolled his eyes, and glanced over his shoulder down the street illuminated with orange street lamps and then back to the giant metal fence and the forest on the other side.

He sighed, “At the end of my street and down a bit there’s a forest, follow the path through for five minutes and then turn left,”

He could practically hear the smile in Kirishima’s voice, “Thanks bro, I’ll see you soon,”

“Whatever,”

And then he hung up.

What had he done to deserve having someone like Kirishima want to be friends with him?

And then he registered where he had come to, where he had directed Kirishima to go. Why the hell of all places he could’ve gone did he decide to come here? Where he and Deku came when they were kids. Where he’d slipped when he was little and small, weak, quirkless Deku thought he needed his help

And a forest, at night. Not like he’d recently been kidnapped in one of those or anything.

But like fuck was he going to be a coward about it and not go in.

He just had to get away from the house.

Away from his mum. Away from whatever just happened.

He didn’t mean to.

He inhaled another deep breath, not letting himself breathe as quickly as he wanted even though it felt as if he wasn’t sucking in enough air.

He closed his eyes and counted to ten then opened them again and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

At least maybe trying to force information into Kirishima’s head would serve as distraction, that was probably the only reason he agreed. 

He pulled open the front of the gate and slipped through, walking down the familiar path as the air turned less from smelling like cars to trees and grass.

It was nice. It was calming. Which is not something that Katsuki felt very often.

Not that he was calm. His heart was still going a little to quickly, he felt sick and breathing still felt like it wasn’t actually working. But it was easier to breathe out here. There was no residual smell of smoke apart from the faint scent of caramel that came from the nitro-glycerine.

He wondered a further, his hands shoved deeply in his pockets as he walked, dragging his feet across the leaf covered path till he got to the turn.

He was pretty sure he was still crying. His face was wet and his eyes were stinging so it made sense but right now he could find him to give a single solitary fuck. No one else was here and everything was going to shit and he was so f**king angry and feeling physically sick from guilt at the same that fucking fuck fuck.

But now he was alone in the middle of nowhere and he could explode with no consequence.

So that’s what he did.

He pulled a hand from his pocket and let it blow, charring a tree a couple of feet away.

“Fuck!” he shouted and his voice was raw and his throat felt like it was stripped and his sight was blurry from fuck tears but it didn’t stop him from yelling.

He took a rattling breathe. That helped slightly but his veins still felt like they were on fire.

He wasn’t a villain.

He wasn’t a villain.

“Bakugo!”

What? He spun on his heel to see a mass of red hair and a face that should have a blinding smile on it, what he saw there instead was concern.

How the hell had Kirishima gotten here so quickly, he was literally only on the phone with him a couple of seconds ago. He dragged a hand down his face, mouth pinched into a scowl.

He asked him, and the response was annoying,

“Oh, I was near the neighbourhood anyway,” Shitty Hair held up a book bag, “I was halfway over when I remembered you had Midoryia and his mum over so dinner so I thought I’d call.”

“You’re a fucking moron,”

He was aware there were very obvious tear tracks on his cheeks and a burnt tree behind him and Bakugo wasn’t a quiet person by nature so him yelling was definitely going to be heard and it was confirmed when Kirishima asked,

“You okay dude?”

“I’m fine,”

Katsuki hated lying but he knew Kirishima would see right through it so did it even count as a lie?

“I mean,” Shitty Hair gave him a once over, eyebrow raised, “I don’t believe you. Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No,”

“Okay,” His voice was gentle and understanding.

That was one difference between Deku and Shitty hair apart from the fact one of them was one of the most annoying people on the goddamn earth and the other wasn’t.

While Deku kept pushing

“You wanna help me with me my maths then?”

“Fucking said I would,”

Kirishima knew when to stop.

Chapter Text

They hadn’t even taken out his fucking maths books and Kirshima was already on his phone. He rolled his eyes and pulled out the first book he could get his hands on, trying to make sure the paper didn’t curl with the heat radiating from his hand.

Katsuki glared at him, he wasn’t in the mood to tutor someone but he was up to doing anything that would distract him.

"What is it you need help with?" When Kirishima didn't answer he looked up at him, he was still on his phone, a frown on his face, which was weird but he'd ask about it later, for now. Homework. “Oi, Shitty Hair, Do you wanna fucking do this or not?” he growled.

He wasn’t actually fucking expecting Kirishima to take the book out of his hand and put it back in the bag again, a half apologetic smile on his face, he reached up and rubbed the back of his neck,

“Look Dude, I am so sorry, my dad just texted, he needs me at home.”

Katsuki felt his expression darken and Kirishima raised his hands in defence, “Hey look I know it’s annoying but that’s life, am I right?”

What the hell was happening? Why the hell did he seem so…nervous. He didn’t think he’d ever seen kirishima nervous, it was a word he ever associated with him.

“What the hell, asshole?”

He shrugged again, mouth twisting into some sort of apologetic ‘what can you do?’ look. He picked the bag of the ground, slinging it over his shoulder,

“Look I’ll see you at school tomorrow okay? Don’t blow me up, or anyone else,”

And then he just fucking ran off like that wasn’t the weirdest fucking thing that he had ever witnessed.

His fire truck red hair gradually disappeared amongst the overgrown green trees and brushes til Katsuki couldn’t see him anymore and was just left standing their confused and pissed and feeling sick.

It was his last sentence that got him, apart from whatever else happened. Katsuki knew it was a joke, because there was no way he could know, but it hit a little close to home.

But either way? What the hell? He hadn't even been there five minutes.

What the actual hell had just happened?

He groaned slumping against the tree next to him ignoring how he really didn’t want to be alone but not weak enough to give in to the impulse to go back home. He couldn’t yet. He rubbed under his eyes, glancing to his right, the stream he’d fallen into as a kid and the fallen log over it looked exactly the same as it had ten years ago. When Deku had asked if he was okay, like the quirkless idiot thought he could do anything for Katsuki, like he was better than him.

He scoffed to himself, it was so stupid, Deku was so stupid. He didn’t need his help, he didn’t want his help. Wasn’t the nerd meant to be smart? Why the hell was that so hard to understand?

And then a new voice spoke up and everything made more fucking sense. It was like the cycle was repeating again. It was always a repeating cycle, one where Deku always followed him.

“Kacchan?”

He should’ve known.

 Of course he should’ve known that Deku wouldn’t give up this easily. When did he ever? Everything inside him tensed. His skin was on fire.

He stood up abruptly, stomping forward. Why wouldn’t Deku sink this fucking low? What the hell was stopping him? It clicked, it all made perfect sense as to why Shitty Hair was acting so goddamn weird and why he had to leave so suddenly, it wasn’t a coincidence he was on his phone and then disappeared two seconds later with Deku showing up out of the blue.

“You fucking called him didn’t you?”

“Kacchan," Hi face was laced with subtle panic. "Let me expla-“

“Fuck you, the fact that I just lost control wasn’t enough, huh? You had to call Kirishima, come here to rub it in my face?”

He shoved him back, barely registering that he’d actually moved till his hands, a little too warm, connected with Deku’s chest. Deku’s hands were squeezed into fists and he raised them as he stumbled back and Katsuki didn’t know whether it was preparation for fighting back or protection, either way, sparks crackled in his palms but Deku-

Deku-

His eyes were drawn to his burnt shirt, the bruise on the side of his face, the rigid posture of his shoulders gearing up for…something…shit- anger was crawling up his throat, he still felt sick as hell and now fucking Deku was here after he called Shitty Hair- he-damn-shit- he

A picture of his mum standing in front of him, arm burnt and red and blistering and sore replaced Deku and he stopped short, teeth gritted, hands sprung and ready to let go.

But.

He couldn’t do it again. Not today.

Fuck.

He bit the onside of his cheek till it hurt, planting his hands in his pockets to smother the sparks, lip twitching into a scowl and he had to physically step back to restrain himself from beating Deku’s face into the ground. It was weird. He didn’t think he’d ever tried to stop himself from teaching Deku a goddamn lesson but he forced himself to. It took a a lot more effort than he ever would admit. His palms were practically aching from all the explosions he couldn’t let off. He'd destroy him next time in training. That was a promise.

He was still angry as hell though. That hadn’t changed.

Deku called Kirishima. He allied with Kirishima, against him.

What the hell was Shitty Hair going to think of him now? One of the only people that actually understood him and still liked him, not in despite of, not ignoring the other parts of him. Kirishima knew him but he still fucking chose to be friends with him and Deku used him. Fucking used his friends so he could rub what everyone thought about him in his face.

His blood was basically boiling so he took a deep breath and another step back in an attempt to cool it off.

Deku sounded an ironic mixture of defensive and relieved when he answered, partially blending in with the trees thanks to the green mop on his head,

“I knew you wouldn’t tell me if I called.”

Deku was keeping his distance he noticed, staying at least a good few feet away. But his shoulders were back head tilted up slightly, hands squeezed into fists at his sides. Like he was prepared to give him a fight if that’s what he wanted. He ground his teeth.

“I would’ve fucking blown up the phone if you called,”

“Exactly!” Deku so readily agreeing with him was a weird sensation. They were both silent for a second.

It was almost funny, he noted, it was dark and it was only them and it felt like all pretences that they wore during the day had been dropped, all masks had fallen off and it was just the two of them.

Talking.

 Although with his fingers twitching, he didn’t know how long that would last for. Didn’t know how long the forest would be quiet for before he started shouting again and ruining it all.   There was nothing to hide, They’d already seen each other at their bests and their worsts.

Deku had never had friends before UA and in reality Katsuki hadn’t really either. It didn’t bother him, he didn’t want friends, he’d had followers sure but there was something oddly intimate in standing there and realising how much someone you don’t like, knows about you. How much he could’ve said but didn’t.

It was weird because he still hated Deku sure, but he realised he trusted him.

The air became awkward and silent again, the only sound of leaves being kicked as Deku carefully moved around him.

He raised an eyebrow, wondering what the hell he was doing, but then he settled, cross legged, against the tree opposite him, he looked up at him.

Katsuki stayed standing.

“Sorry,” he said, swallowing. “I know I shouldn’t have called him, this is about us-you, but I didn’t tell him anything. I just knew he could find you faster.” He sounded a lot calmer than Katsuki thought he would, but maybe he was just trying not to piss him of anymore with his stupid mumbling.

And anyway, as much as he hated to admit it, Katsuki already logically knew he hadn’t told kirishima anything, he knew this was just between them.  But why the hell was he doing all this, for him? Why did he care so much?

“Deku I’ve known you since we were four, why the hell would Shitty Hair find me faster?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know, because you’d talk to him?” he picked up a leaf and staring tearing It into strips. “I just- I didn’t think you’d come here. Plus, it worked.”

“Because he fucking lied to me and then ran off?”

Fucking hell Kirishima.

Deku glared up at him, “Can you stop yelling?”

It still felt like there were ants in his veins.

Fuck him.

He didn’t even know where that was aimed to Kirishima or Deku. Or both. Both.

Then Deku looked back down to the leaf and his posture relaxed again, or at least it looked like he was trying to relax, “I didn’t tell him anything.”

“You said that already,”

“I just said you were angry at me,” he laughed weakly. “And that’s nothing new right?”

No. no it wasn’t. So why did Deku saying it make his stomach turn in on itself.

“FUCk you,”

Deku sighed, the nerd wanted to say something.

“Spit it out, dumbass.”

Deku glanced up at him, eyebrows arched in surprise, he didn’t know whether it was the fact that Katsuki had actually asked or the fact he didn’t shout the question. Maybe both.

“I just, I find it kind of funny I guess,” Deku said after a few seconds, but the look on his face said he didn’t find it funny at all. He hadn’t seen Deku look like this since middle school. It felt out of place in how he’d gotten to know him now at UA, he glanced up at him, barely meeting his eyes, lip quirking slightly before his gaze fell to the ground again,

 “We’ve known each other for years and I’ve always really looked up to you, I told you that, and I tried so, so hard to keep up with you and the others but you never, you never liked me. And then we got to UA and Kirishima and I aren’t that different, but you become friends with him, good friends, and I guess I just don’t really understand what I did wrong, apart from being quirkless. Why you’d choose him but I’m- I’m not good enough”

Okay what? So, Deku’s issue with him being friends with someone that wasn’t him? But still, his stomach twisted, and all he could force out was,

“Don’t cry,” but that wasn’t gentle, and he didn’t mean it in a gentle way either

The last thing he wanted to deal with was Deku crying.

Ha, like he could be an advocate for that in any kind of way tonight, his eyes were still damp.

“I’m not.”

“Good.”

He didn’t know if Deku was expecting an explanation, he didn’t know if he had one, and if he did would it be the right answer, was saying I don’t know, you were useless but you thought you better than me a good enough answer. Did that justify anything?

“Sorry,” Deku said, and Katsuki was getting antsy just hearing his voice. “It was just with Kirishima, I feel like part of me was hoping that you’d ignore him if he called you? Like you would with me, so maybe I could say you were pissed with everyone not just stupid Deku but, I guess that was pretty dumb.” He paused for a second and when Katsuki didn’t say anything he continued, God Deku could win an award for talking

“it was the same at Kamino too you know,” Great, now he was bringing up Kamino, the last thing he wanted to talk about. “I knew that he would be the only person you’d listen to, if it had been me…” he let the sentence trail of and Katsuki felt his muscles tighten at the thought of Kamino.

That was what caused the mess in the kitchen. That was what caused everything and the crux of it was his fault. He was on the one who got himself caught, he was the one weak enough to let them take him. He knew that the League of Villains were after him specifically and he couldn’t just shut up and do what people asked him to for once. He regretted that now.

But he didn’t say any of that. He was still stuck on a certain part of what Deku said and he couldn’t work out whether he found it sad or funny. Plus he didn’t want to talk about Kamino so he was going avoid it for as long as possible and turn back to what he was familiar with. Making fun of Deku. He knew he was avoiding the problem, deflecting it, but it was what he always did and he wasn’t about to change that now,

“You’re jealous of Shitty Hair?”

“No, that’s not what I said.”

“You implied it.”

“No, I meant-”

“Deku, you’re not subtl-“

“Could stop being an asshole for five minutes and listen to me? I’ve been trying to talk to you properly all day, could we please, please just talk.”

His voice abruptly cut from teasing to angry,

“What the fuck is there to talk about that we both don’t fucking know already Deku?”

He didn't miss the way Deku winced. A lot, a lot of stuff but he didn’t want to talk about. He was being a defensive idiot and he knew it but that didn’t want to make him open up and spill all his feeling to fucking Deku of all people. Deku might have been feeling perfectly peachy to do this in front of him but the feeling wasn’t mutual.

Maybe it was because Deku was familiar with crying in front of him.

That thought brought back the wave of nausea that had been slowly disappearing.

“Look,” he snapped since Deku was so desperate for an explanation maybe he’d leave him alone if he gave him one. “I didn’t mean to explode in the kitchen okay? I’m not joining the villains if that what you’re thinking,”

Because why the hell would he be thinking anything else? What else could he possibly get out of that situation?

But Deku’s eyes widened and his eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.

“I know that, I never thought you were going to join the villians.”

He almost laughed, “Why not? it’s what everyone else thinks.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is and you know it Deku.”

Deku stood up, the torn strips of leaf falling of his lap as he did so. Katsuki was still taller.

“Kacchan, you’re not a villain,”

What the hell wasn’t Deku understanding about this? He thought he’d would be the first person to readily agree.

“Fuck, that’s why they took me Deku, don’t you get that? They thought I’d fit right fucking in, and now with mum I-“ he clenched his jaw, “All I’ve done is prove them right.”

He didn’t mean to say that much.

“We both know it was an accident.”

He wasn’t wrong,

“So what if it was? I still did it.”

“Why?”

“Shut up.”

“No, not until you talk to me.”

The kettle of anger that was on a high simmer was beginning to boil again.

And it looked like Deku was going to push back. He wasn’t sure how to answer. He didn’t want to tell Deku what was actually going on but it was building up in him like a tidal wave slamming into a dam that was getting closer and closer to breaking. And Deku was asking the right questions.

He wouldn’t feel fucking better if he told someone. He knew he wouldn’t. But it was f**king Deku and it was dark and they were alone and he felt sick and guilty and paranoid with his back turned to the dark forest behind him and he was so fucking tired.

And fucking hell, Deku was looking down on him already.

“Kacchan, why?”

He was surprised at how quickly the dam broke but he couldn't stop it. He must've been lying to himself about how much more it could take.

He felt himself breakdown before it really happened. He didn’t know what it was about the question. The simple ‘why?’ but something snapped and the words just came out in rough shouts, throat raw and stained with tears,

“I thought the League had me, okay?” His whole body was tense. “I just-her fucking hand-I didn’t mean to,” He ran a hand through his hair, “I haven’t slept in weeks Deku, every single fucking time I close my eyes I’m there!”

He took in a shaky breath, voice breaking, but for some reason he couldn’t stop the words, “I can’t fucking turn my back to an open space because I feel like they’re behind me!”

It was almost like he wasn’t there as he yelling, detached and cold and still being hit with every singlething, every emotion he had been repressing for weeks till he felt sick. Like he’d been punched in the gut over and over and over until he finally gave out.

“But I can’t fucking tell anyone! They all already think I ended All Might, If they find out I’m not strong enough to deal with the aftermath what the hell are they going to do then? Kick me out? They don’t want a fucking villain at their school who can’t even sleep a solid four hours a night! Is that it? Is that what you’re so fucking desperate to hear?”

His breathing was heaving and heavy and ragged and his shoulder were rising and falling too quickly but he’d said it.

He told Deku.

He’d fucking broken down in front-to-Deku again.

Again.

He rubbed at his eyes, turning away. He couldn’t look at Deku right now, he couldn’t see the fucking self satisfied look on his face that he knew he would have.

But he couldn’t exactly just block out Deku’s voice.

“Kacchan,” his voice was hesitant. “I didn’t kno-“

“Course you didn’t. I didn’t tell you asshole,”

He wanted to hit him. Wanted to wipe that stupid wide eyes look of his face but seeing Deku’s black eye was stopping him.

He wasn’t a villain. He wasn’t a fucking villain.

Chapter Text

He could feel Deku’s eyes on the back of his head but he resolutely ignored him, closing his eyes for a few seconds and trying to regain his regular breathing pattern, he felt like he wasn’t getting enough air, like his lungs were at full capacity but he was dizzy from loss of oxygen.

“I have nightmares too,” Deku said quietly, and it was the last thing he needed to hear so he didn’t turn around to look at him, “What I said about not being able to sleep last night is true.”

“Join the club Deku,” his voice was still choked but he cleared his throat and that helped, what he wouldn’t give for a glass of water right now.

Deku took a hesitant step forward until he was standing next to him, Katsuki worked even harder to cool down his breathing, and swiped under his eyes with the backs of his hands.

“It might sound stupid-“

“Probably, knowing you.” God he was pissed he'd just broken but he could hardly do anything now could he? Except be petty about it.

“But I feel- I feel like you’re the only person I can tell. I can’t tell All Might, I know he’d probably want to help but I’m his successor, I can’t be weak.”

If Deku thought him being weak was a problem he really should look at how far he'd come in the past few months,

He scoffed, “You were weak as fuck when he first saw you, you couldn’t even defend yourself in middle school and he still picked you. I don’t think him viewing you as weak now is gonna happen.”

That almost sounded like he was comforting him, or like he was giving him advice or something.

It was weird.

Apparently Deku thought so too because when he final glanced up at him Deku was just staring at him with wide green eyes and a small, surprised smile.

“Thank you.”

He shifted his gaze, “I didn’t do anything dumbass.”

He didn’t, he just said what he thought like he always did, it was obvious All Might loved Deku, anyone in their class could see that, he’d never think he was weak. Never.

“You know,” he turned to face Deku who was wringing is hands in front of him but was still standing, chin tipped up and meeting his eyes, “If you don’t want to talk to your mum about you’re nightmares you could talk to him.”

The way Deku talked about it it sounded like he already knew about Katsuki's nightmares, shit, like when Deku confronted him about them in the kitchen last night but he just wanted Katsuki to admit to having them.

He almost laughed though there wasn’t any humour in it, “He probably already thinks I’m weak as shit.”

“He told you, you weren’t. You aren’t. And still, if he thought I was strong when I was quirkless what does that mean he thinks about you?”

Katsuki looked at him for a second, logically what he said made sense and he hated it. But maybe-maybe- he would talk to All Might, he had helped last time, he told Katsuki his end wasn’t his fault and he explained it and it made sense and he knew it wasn’t really his fault but it was difficult to change your thinking overnight. He didn’t think it was his fault so much any more but sometimes it just crept up on him.

Urgh, his head was throbbing, the headache had been building since the morning and apparently decided now was finally the time to make an appearance.

He shook his head,

“I’m going to stay at Kirishima’s tonight.”

He wasn’t sure when he’d decided that but he knew he didn’t want to go home and he knew that Kirishima would just give him time to breathe, collect his thoughts, work out if he was really going to talk to All Might and if he did what the hell he'd even say, how he’d to say it.

Plus he couldn’t spend any more time around Deku not right now, not right after that outburst, he knew if he got home there’d be even more questions and tonight he didn’t know if he’d be able to answer them without breaking down or blowing up and neither of those things were viable options, so he had to get out.

“What? Kacchan you can’t just invite yourself round to his house-“

“Don’t worry about it nerd, he’s staying home tonight since he was over here anyway and it’s getting late and his parents love me.”

The fact he was just going to stay home was part of the brief conversation they’d had before Kirishima up and left.

And that was something he could say wholeheartedly, he wasn’t sure why, but Kirishima’s parents really liked him so he knew it wouldn’t be a problem.

“That’s not the- do you not think you should go back home? Explain to your mum?”

“Not tonight, I’ll see her after school tomorrow.”

His voice was still hoarse but it was starting to sound a little stronger, a little more normal, thank God.

“But she’ll be worried about where you are.”

“Tell her then asshole.”

“But- Kacchan you can’t just leave.”

“Watch me.”

Maybe this time he’d actually be able to get away from a situation without being stopped or followed.

It seemed he underestimated Deku again.

He followed behind him, keeping a short distance back but talking loudly enough for him to hear, “I have All Might's number, you can call him.”

He stopped short at that, and spun fiercely to face Deku, shooting him a glare. “You have All Might’s phone number?”

“Yes?”

He was being stupid, of course Deku had All Might's phone number, why wouldn’t he?

He rolled his eyes and started moving away, pushing a branch out of his way and let his mouth twitch up into some semblance of a smirk when he heard Deku yelp behind him as the branch ricocheted back, hitting him in the face. It was basically harmless and therapeutic. Perfect.

“Ow, Kacchan.”

“Shut up nerd, you break your arms on a daily basis that didn’t hurt.”

“Look, if you don’t want to talk to All Might, you could talk to Aiwaza, we all know you’re his favourite anyway.”

That made him stop again.

What now?

“The hell are you talking about?” he snapped.

“You’re his favourite.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“That’s-what?”

Bakugo couldn’t say he’d ever really been speechless before, except that time at the camp when the others said they were planning to protect him (nope don't think about that, not tonight, not where you are) or when Deku beat him in a fight as the start of the year, but that was only twice. But he didn’t even have any idea how he was meant to respond to this. He knew that Aizawa cared a lot more about the class than he let on but Katsuki didn’t ever really think he’d have favourites. But apparently, he was wrong.

“How do you know?”

“I can tell, everyone in the class can.”

Oh.

Katsuki respected All Might, of course he did, he was the best hero there was, but he also really respected Aisawa and sometimes All Might could be a little much. Maybe if he talked to Aizawa things would be calmer, more rational. It irritated him that he hadn’t even thought of that until Deku had mentioned it to him, although to be fair he hadn't even thought of telling anyone until about five minutes ago when Deku pushed him over the edge.

He bit the inside of his cheek. He was done with this.

“I’m going to Shitty Hair's.”

“Kacchan-“

“Drop it Deku!”

Midoryia flinched slightly but stood his ground, jaw tensed.

“Fine,” he said, though he didn’t sound entirely happy with the decision. Katsuki didn’t care. “You can call me if you need me.”

“I won’t.”

He turned around continuing on his way out of the forest, past the tall metal gate and he noticed himself relax a little more the second he wasn’t in the woods anymore. Maybe going there hadn’t been his smartest choice if he was on edge anyway but that’s where his feet lead him, and for some reason he stayed there.

“Tell mum where I am.”

“Okay.”

He didn’t respond to that and just kept walking.

This time Deku didn’t follow him. For maybe the first time in his life.

He felt slightly lighter in some way, and he didn’t want to admit it was from spilling his feeling but maybe having it out in the open to someone he knew wouldn’t say anything, and Deku better fucking not say anything, helped. It wasn’t just all on him anymore. Besides Deku was already a stalker who knew everything else about him, it was just something to add to his fucking weird ass collection right?

He knew the way to Kirishima’s house, he’d been there enough times when Kirishima didn’t understand stuff from class, sometimes they'd have group study sessions where Kirishima himself, Sparky, Pinky and Elbows all came. Those were… fun. Annoying as hell because he’d have to explain everything three times over, but fun.

Kirishima would let him stay, right? They were friends, that’s what friends did. And he seemed happy enough to spend time with him earlier, or at least before he texted to Deku.

Speaking off, he was still pissed about that. He was going to let Kirishima know too, but he guessed he did it for a good reason and it had been Deku’s idea so-

He just wasn’t going to think about that.

His blood was running hot but the air around him as he walked was cool and fresh and open. It was nice, because of his quirk he was always warm, he always wanted to know he had enough sweat at his disposal if he needed it but it was good to have a break from the overwhelming heat that had been building all day.

It took about ten minutes to get to Kirishima’s house. Ironically enough the front door to the house was the same colour as Kirishima’s hair, the idea always made his lip twitch up a little, Most of the things Kirishima owned were varying shades of red too but the bright fire truck red seemed to be his favourite. It had been a few weeks since he’d been here, since they’d all moved intot the dorms and even before that he hadn’t been here a lot usually if they were studying it would at a café or library.

Maybe he hadn’t thought this through. Maybe he should just go home. The image of his mum’s burnt arm flashed in his mind and it he quickly shut it out, blinking hard and clenching his fist as if that would stop the wave of nausea that wormed up his throat.

He took a deep breath, running his hand through his mess of hair and checking once more over his shoulder to make sure Deku wasn’t following. Katsuki had gotten around the corner at the end of his street before he thought he could distantly hear Deku start the walk back to his own house, back to his mum.

Katsuki wasn’t running away. He just knew it would be better for everyone if he took a step back. If he took a minute to breathe. And Kirishima was good at that. He didn’t doubt that he’d have to talk to Deku later, it didn’t matter if he wanted to or not, either over phone, or in class tomorrow.

He just hoped it didn’t lead to a giant confrontation in front of everyone, where one of them might reveal a little too much. He wanted a little time to prepare himself, to work out what to say, especially if he was actually going to take Deku’s advice, the thought made him cringe, and speak to Aizawa.

Because he couldn’t – he registered his throbbing headache and the lingering sick feeling in his stomach and the fact he was standing outside Kirishima’s door instead of his own all because of sleepless nights and nightmares- he couldn’t keep doing this. He knew he couldn’t.

He raised a slightly shaking hand and knocked on the door.

It was Shitty Hair’s mum who answered, hair pulled into a tight bun on the back of her head and an expression a mixture of shock but not annoyance.

“Oh, Katsuki, it’s good to see you, are you coming over to help Kiri? It’s kind of late.”

“I know, I’m not-“ he swallowed, “I don’t really want to go home right now and the schools too far, would it be okay if I spent the night?”

He wasn’t one to beat around the bush. He just hoped she’d say yes.

Her face morphed into one of concern and he usually hated that look on people but he let it slide this time because he knew how it looked. How he looked.

As if she could hear his thoughts her eyes raked down his face, probably picking up on the bags under his eyes, the wild messed hair, everything that was just slightly out of place.

She frown pulled into a sad smile and she stepped back from the door letting him through, and his shoulders slumped in relief,

“Of course.”

“Thanks.”

He stepped into the house, hands still planted deeply in his pockets and his mouth a grim line across his face. If the villains came for him here, they could get hurt, Kirishima’s parents could-

Stop. No. He wasn’t going to do that. He wasn’t going to let the paranoia get the best of him. Not this time.

“Kiri!” her shout almost made him jump, damn she could be loud, “Your friend's here.”

He heard a door at the top of the stairs open and feet padding along the hallway, it sounded very soft for Kirishima but made sense when he came into view and was wearing post box red fluffy socks with his old Crimson Riot t-shirt and pyjama bottoms.

The image itself almost made him feel a little better,

“Mum what are you- Oh Bakugo,” Kirishima went a little pale, but his mouth quirked up. “Hey, I know I was joking when I left earlier but you’re not actually going to blow me up are you? Because, like, I don’t mind but can we do it in the back garden instead?”

“Shitty Hair, I’m not here to fight you.”

He understood why he might’ve jumped to that conclusion so he couldn’t really blame him but still, after the last hour or so, how could it be such a short space of time? the idea of firing of blasts randomly didn’t appeal to him so much anymore.

“I needed a place to stay.”

Kirishima’s eyebrows were pulled together in confusion, but he smiled, Katsuki could tell it was to try and mask the worry on his face, he knew there was something up with Katsuki anyway, Deku wouldn't have texted him earlier and he saw the state he was in, it didn't take a genius to figure out, but he didn't mention it,

“Oh, then come on up bro,” he grinned, “I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t get that math homework.”

Katsuki breathed and this time he felt it, like he tasted oxygen for the first time in days. It was good to be able to breathe again, and right now, it didn’t matter if it was only until the next morning.

Chapter Text

Kirishima’s house was quiet and it was weird. He was so used to the dorms constantly echoing with voices and laughing and at home either his mum was yelling or he was, so just quiet, apart from the faint hum of a TV downstairs was weird.

But not bad.

He tried to stay away from silence, he knew from experience that it gave him time to think when he didn’t want to, about things he didn’t want to, so he avoided it. But right now it was just helping his heart beat slow down and he wasn’t being bombarded with any more unwanted thoughts than he was already having. Usually the silence lent its hand to guilt and kept him from sleeping but this was a different, calm quiet, not one filled with frantic thinking and the twitching urge to blow up the air that was draped heavily with guilt and unspoken words weighing down on his chest.

It was… nice

…That was an unfamiliar feeling recently.

“Hey, Shitty Hair have you added another Crimson Riot poster?”

He was pretty sure he was right. The wall at the back of Kirishima’s room was his designated hero wall, most of his stuff like his punching bag and assortment of headbands were at the dorms but he still kept some stuff at home.

His eyes were drawn to one specific photo on the wall. Katsuki wouldn’t admit it but there was some kind of feeling in his chest kind of like satisfaction but friendlier when he noticed the selfie Kirishima and the others and dragged him into, no matter how unwilling, about a month back. He had been caught completely off guard.

The photo was stupid, Sparky was pulling a face and hanging onto Kirishima's arm like it was a life line, Tape arms head was popped up between them, his arms thrown around each of their shoulders, a near frantic grin on his face. The picture was taken suddenly, Kirishima randomly yelling selfie and then pulling out his phone, hence why it was chaos. Katsuki and Pinky were in the back, half a second after Kirishima had announced it she threw herself at him, with no warning, expecting him to catch her bridal side. He did. Obviously, and her subsequent face scrunched up happily from breathless laughter as she ruffled his hair, clinging to him while he began spouting something about her being an idiot, was caught on camera.

It was a mess but it was his favourite photo.

Everyone was happy. Even him.

He had thought at the time that he was scowling but looking at it again his mouth was actually twitched up into a wry smile as he glared a Mina fondly, his arms securely holding her.

They were all fucking idiots. His fucking idiots.

What were they going to think tomorrow when Deku came in with a dark bruise across his face?

He tore his gaze from the wall, the wall covered with posters of hero’s and then them.

“You printed it out?” he asked.

“What? Oh yeah! It’s great isn’t it? See, we’ve even got a rare Blasty smile.”

“Shut up, I smile all the time.”

It was stupid but Kirishima was right and this was normal and he let his shoulders relax.

Kirishima laughed, sitting down on his bed. The covers were a light grey a similar colour to the rest of the room but it had small red pillows on the foot of the bed and the main pillow cover was tinted light pink, probably from excessive red hair dye.

“Yeah,” Kirishima continued, “If you’re paired with Todoroki in training or something but that's more like Die! Die! Die! smile, you know?”

Katsuki did know.

Todoroki was one thing the he did not feel bad about. The Icy Hot bastard still hadn’t given him a proper fight to make up for making him look like an idiot on live TV. At least he and Deku had finally fought (and he won)

But if he tried the same with Icy Hot that he did with Deku he was pretty sure he’d just get a blank stare and a one word answer about his daddy issues.

“Fucking bastard,” he muttered out loud and then realised he muttered and goddamnit he was spending too much time with Deku.

“Dude, don’t worry, I’m joking.”

He rolled his eyes and slumped down on the fllor next to the bed leaning against the wall. He still felt jittery with energy but it was nice to sit down.

“I was talking about Icy Hot.”

“Ah, Todoroki, Is that who you’re pissed at?”

He gave him a dead eyed stare. Yeah thinking about half and half annoyed him but he thought it would be fairly, glaringly obvious to Kirishima of all people who the problem was, (himself or Deku he didn’t know. But Deku. He could always blame it on Deku)

He had fucking called him.

“Midoryia?” Kirishima asked, more accurate.

He was surprised that when he let his thoughts drift to Deku the second or third thought after the anger was whether or not he got back to the house safely or if he managed to break a couple of limbs on the way there.

Why the hell was he worrying about- no that was too strong a word- thinking about Deku.

But what if the paranoia he’d been feeling all day, he was feeling now wasn’t just because of sleep deprevation. What if the shadow he thought he had saw earlier wasn't just the branch of a tree in the wind.

Shit he needed to-

“Oh hey, speaking of, Midoryia just texted.”

Oh.

“He said, 'Hi thanks for earlier, just wanted to make sure Kacchan got there okay, please don’t tell him I said that-… Oh. Um. Actually ignore that it doesn’t matter.”

Great so fucking Deku thought he couldn’t make it to Kirishima’s house,

Crap-calm down, you’ve been a mess today it makes sense that he’d want to make sure you got somewhere safe, you were thinking the same thing a few seconds ago.

But seriously, did he think he was fucking stupid enough to get caught again or maybe blow up someone else on the way there like he did to- shit. Shit shit shit shit.

He felt bile rise up is throat.

Not here. Not in front of Shitty Hair. Ignore it. His whole body felt so goddamn heavy.

“Dude, you okay?”

“I’m fucking fine.” he snapped.

Could people stop with the fucking questioning. Just the constant fucking questions that he didn’t have all the answers to.

“Okay, okay, sorry.”

His gut twisted at Kirishima’s apology. None of what was going on was his fault. He shouldn’t have snapped, not at him.

“You don’t have to apologise.”

It was quiet for a second. The ground was fucking hard and there was an awkward flat head of a nail in the wall behind him.

He shifted uncomfortably.

After a few seconds he interrupted the silence, voice low and gravelly.

It made him feel… bad. He hated to admit it but he was already feeling sick with guilt from a myriad of other things so why not throw this onto the fucking pile too. Why not cover it in gasoline and set the whole thing on fire?

“You still want help with maths, Shitty Hair?”

Ah yes, the thing he’d lied about so he could give his fucking location to Deku leading to the subsequent breakdown his hands were still shaking from.

He just tried not to think about it, like he did with every emotion he didn’t want, ignore it until he couldn’t anymore or channel it into anger.

Great fucking job he was doing with that right?

But it wouldn’t last forever and his eyes were stinging but no one was prying at him for anything and Kirishima was smiling at him with a smile so bright it was a like the sun had pointy teeth.

“If you’re still up for it.”

He pushed himself up, rolling his shoulder “Sure, I’m still pissed at you though.”

Kirishima sighed, “He just wanted to find you, buddy system remember? if you were out alone Aizawa would kick our collective asses."

What was Aizawa going to say when he saw Deku’s face tomorrow?

“You’re an idiot.”

“Exactly! That's why you’re going to teach me maths.

He rolled his eyes but relief flooded in his chest. He didn’t have to rely on any one. Obviously. But if he ever wanted to, Kirishima would be there.

He blinked surprised at the thought. What the hell?

He really was fucking exhausted, wasn’t he? Even pulling himself to his feet took too much effort and he was having damn sappy as hell thoughts about friendship.

He focused on his aching head and the sick feeling that was in his stomach and moved to Kirhsima’s desk, not letting himself think about anything, not his mum, not Deku- nope- and grabbed the book sitting on top of his bag and threw it at him.

He didn’t react quickly enough and it hit the top of his shoulder.

“Ow,” he laughed, “Dude.”

Katsuki’s mouth twitched up, “Get your ass of the bed, you wanted help, I’m going to fucking help.”

It sounded more like a threat than an offer but speaking like that made him feel more like himself then he had all day, even if the world around him was a little hazy from tiredness.

“There’s the Blasty we all know.”

“You’re a mess.”

Kirishima snorted, “Like you can talk.”

Well. He wasn’t wrong.

“Shut up asshole.”

He was a mess. But maths, it would be a good distraction. Numbers were something he could control.

Xxx

Five minutes in and it was painfully obvious his hands were still shaking. Kirishima didn’t say anything but it was pretty fucking obvious especially because he was holding a pen. He resisted the urge to blow it up. It was Kirishima's pen, he couldn’t just blow up other people’s stuff (his mind flashed back to Deku’s notebook)

“Do you wanna take a break,” Kirshima said eventually and Katsuki pinned it on the fact that it was actually Kirishima who wanted to stop and it had nothing to do with him. He didn’t like lying, he’d always tell people exactly what he thought and confront them if he thought they were wrong but he was perfectly fucking happy lying to himself.

“Piss off, no.”

“Urgh, fine, look, did I do this right?”

He glanced down at the sheet of paper, Kirishima’s handwriting was a fucking mess but it didn’t matter because the numbers were right. Finally they were getting somewhere, he felt a flare of pride in his chest.

“Yeah, now do the rest of them.”

He paused, the silence was beginning to become a little overwhelming and doing math was helping.

He didn’t like the quiet so much anymore though,

“I’m going to put on some music.”

He didn't wait for an answer and pulled his phone out of his pocket for the first time since he got there. He almost winced at the missed calls from about half an hour ago even thought he'd been expecting them, seven from his mum, eight from his dad, he must’ve come home, he could almost see the disappointment in his eyes already, and two from Aunt Inko. He noted how there were none from Deku and how no one had called him recently, Deku must’ve told them where he was.

At least he could thank the nerd for that.

He ignored them for now, maybe he’d text his mum later to say sorry, but right now the nausea was rising again and he knew if he texted her that would be the start of something else entirely.

He found the playlist he looking for and clicked shuffle, the sound started to flood through the room and Kirishima turned to look at him with wide eyes clouded in confusion,

“Bro, I didn’t put you as the type of person who listened to jazz music.”

He scowled, “What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

He held his hands up in surrender and he leaned back in his chair, mouth splitting into an easy smile, “Nothing, I'm just surprised, I thought you'd be more a of screamo and loud drums kinda guy.”

He rolled his eyes, “I still like that music, its just difficult to work to, sometimes it can just be really damn loud and difficult to listen to,”

Kirishima coughed out a laugh at that, “Irony.”

Katsuki shoved his shoulder, “Shut up.”

The room felt a little easier with the music filtering through it, the bounce of the smooth piano and singing of the trumpet muffled the sound of his heart in his ears.

He blinked and the world went dark for a second as he stood and the music washed over him- he jolted- shit, God he was tired.

How long had he been awake for?

Kirishima sighed, “Look I’ll finish the rest of it tomorrow morning, I think we should go to bed, it’s getting late.”

“I’m fine,” he was instantly on the defensive,

“I know,” Kirishima said, “But I’m tired, and I want to sleep, come on I promise I’ll get up early.”

At the same time, he wanted to sleep he didn’t want to close his eyes because he knew what it would entail.

“Fine,” he said, because he wasn’t a wimp. Plus, he was so tired, "you're finishing this before school though."

“Great, I’ll go get the pillows.”

Forty minutes later and he was lying on pillows that were slightly to soft and he was one blanket too short to be completely comfortable but he wasn’t about to complain, not when they’d been so nice about it.

The room was dark and shadows danced on the walls every now and again as cars drove past and every time he saw the flickering movement his shoulders tensed and his hands curled preparing for a fight. It was stupid.

He checked his phone, scowling at the level of brightness when he clicked the home button, one more call for his mum and two more from his dad. He didn’t call them back, it was too late for that and it would wake up Shitty Hair but he did send a text, short and sweet,

‘I’m at Kirishima’s, I’m fine, I’m coming over tmrw morning to get my uniform.’

He slammed the phone back on the ground not waiting for a reply, and then internally winced at the sound, shit, he didn't want to wake up Shitty Hair. After ten minutes of talking about random crap, mostly school, Kirishima had fallen asleep and he was out cold now.

He threw himself back on the pillows, sinking into them.

He had time to properly think now in the dark by himself with only Kirishima's breathing for company.

Tonight had gone to shit.

It had went worse than to shit.

It had been a fucking disaster.

Shit, he really screwed up didn’t he.

He pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes. He had a better picture of it now, how it had been smouldering for weeks and was it was sparked in the kitchen last night, and over the course of the day the flame had run up the wick to the bomb.

And it blew up.

Everything had happened so quickly, like rapid fire bullets each one ripping through him and making him bleed.

His shield had broken and he fired back in response, that was all he knew how to do.  

He was thinking about telling the same shit he spewed to Deku that had been circling his mind all day to Aizawa.

He groaned, rolling onto his side on the soft pillows, and closed his eyes.

Maybe tonight if he was lucky he would sleep and he’d feel better about it in the morning.

Chapter Text

He woke up from another nightmare.

It wasn’t like it was in the movies, he didn’t sit up screaming and yelling and remember exactly what he were dreaming about and then spout it to the first person who asked.

Fuck no.

He was overly aware of how fast his heart was beating and that his eyes were wet and that his breathing was hard and that he was staring at the fucking ceiling but he couldn’t fucking move and his chest was fucking tight and he could feel eye on him from all corners of the room and-

“Motherfucker.” He hissed out, choked.

“Bakugo?” Kirishima’s voice was croaky from sleep.

Shit, Kirishima was here, no, he was at Kirishima’s, shit he should’ve thought about this, he fucking knew that if-

“Bakugo, you okay man?”

He felt like there was a weight pressed against his chest, but he was able to slowly to push himself into a sitting position, when he pressed down on the pillow to level himself up his hand sank into the fabric.

Vague memories of the dream imprinted on his eyelids when he blinked. He breathed out hard,

“Fuck.”

He couldn’t remember what the dream was about apart from some faint flashes but it left him a mess and with a feeling that the world was about to drop away underneath him.

“Do you want a glass of water? Or I can call-“

“Just stop-stop talking,”

His world was dazed from sleep but he felt sharp.

What time was it? Was there any fucking point in going back to sleep- God fucking dammit. His hands sparked and he could feel the anger replacing the nausea.

What the hell had he been expecting? Sleeping through the night especially after what just happened? Fuck.

He wanted to yell, or blow something up. He was so fucking done with this. He was done with not being able to breathe when he woke up and being in a perpetual state of exhaustion and checking over his shoulder and the goddamn pity in everyone else's eyes when they looked at him.

They thought he hadn’t noticed but of course he had, of course he noticed their stares when his hand would shake around the pencil in class if they were going over points to follow in a hostage situation, or how he fucking blew up Kirishima a few days ago. But no one said anything, he didn’t fucking want any of them to and he was quite fucking happy dealing with it himself. It was his own fucking problem, he didn’t need Deku or Kirishima or his mum or anyone else to get involved- but maybe If they did he could get a full nights sleep-

He was meant to be a fucking hero. He couldn’t loose to his own head.  His own guilt.

A flash of the Nightmare. Something green falling.

He had barely even noticed Kirishima had left the room until the was a hand on his shoulder which he shrugged of as soon as it made contaxt and a glass of cold water was pressed into his own hand. He had to try and stifle the shaking so the water wouldn’t spill over the rim.

He clenched his jaw shut, sucking in a shaking breath.

Green falling. Deku falling.

His stomach dropped. The f**king dream was taking shape, he didn’t need to remember any more of it to guess what it had been about. He felt like he was about to vomit. His face was already wet. But it made sense this is what would be f**king waking him up tonight, he and Deku had never talked about it, or anything else, and now this evening it was all dumped on both of them.

“Hey Blasty, look at me,”

He followed the voice back to Kirishima's face where he sat on the floor in front of him, red eyes wide and concerned and far to much like fucking Deku’s.

Shit, Kirishima had thought he was fucking strong, he was one of the only people he thought was strong, the next words just spilt out of his mouth in a frantic half shout, he was still aware enough to know he didn’t want to wake anyone else up.

“Kirishima, I-I don’t know what to do- fucking Deku-”

He blinked and watched green fall again, colliding with the ground.

Shit.

Logically he knew that he was fine, logically he knew Deku was at home, in bed, asleep. But everything in him just needed to hear his voice to make sure he wasn’t- he didn’t-

“I need your phone, I don’t have his number,”

A couple of weeks ago Deku had tried to persuade him to take it, he’d rolled his eyes and slammed the door shut in his face.

“What? Who? What's wrong?”

“Fucking Deku,” he snapped, “Just give me your phone,”

He could tell Kirishima was worried, if he was Kiri he’d be worried too, “Okay, Okay, here.”

He reached to the bedside table littered with paper and other crap and unlocked the phone.

Katsuki snatched it and scrolled through contacts until he found Midoryia and slammed his finger on call, he missed the button the first time and swore under his breath, the second time he got.

He didn’t care it was the middle of the night, he just had to make sure- he had to be certain-

After a few seconds of tense ringing, Deku answered, voice tired and slow,

“Kirishima?”

Somehow, although he was speaking through a yawn, his voice was still urgent.

But it was his voice. It was Deku’s annoying voice and he was fine. He was alive. He didn’t- he hadn’t- not like in his dream.

“Deku, you Bastard,”

“Kacchan? What-Are you-“ he paused, “Did you just call me to tell me that?”

He nearly growled into the phone ignoring Kirishima's confused look.

“I’m glad you’re alive nerd,” he said and then waited a second,

“…I- what? Ka-“

And then he hung up before Deku could reply. Maybe that wasn't the best thing he could've said, and it definitely wasn't everything he intended to say but he didn't have plan and it was the first thing that came out and right now it was good enough.

The instant panic was gone, it wasn’t like his head was submerged under water anymore.

Deku was okay. He was at home and sleeping and probably confused as hell now but Katsuki knew he was fine and that was all that mattered.

“Fuck,” he muttered again, all too aware of Kirishima’s eyes on him. he didn’t look at him, instead fixing his gaze firmly in the wall opposite, On the stupid selfie amongst the Crimson Riot posters, he handed him back his phone.

“Dude what the hell was that?” he hesitated, “Does it have something to do with why you were up with Midoryia last night, or why I had to find you earlier?”

The simple answer was yes, it had a lot to do with that, the thing with Deku had a little more to it which he didn’t plan on telling to Kirishima, but he didn't want to give the simple answer either.

He was going to- he basically confirmed it in his head- he was going to tell AIzawa, he had to tell Aizawa he couldn’t keep doing this and maybe he’d be able to do something. The Old Man looked like he hardly got any sleep maybe he could give Katsuki a few pointers on how to deal with it.

But he did not want to tell Kirishima.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said and hoped Kirhsima would take the answer, “I’m sorry you were worried,” he had to grit out the last part,

“Is that what this is? You being unable to accept that people might care about your wellbeing?”

He gaze snapped to Kirishima, what the hell?

“What?”

“Katsuki it’s not difficult to see something wrong, you just freaked out, you were up last night, your whole damn reaction to me the other day, but you’re not asking for help, why? Because of your pride? can you not just get over it for once and tell me what’s going on?”

He rubbed roughly under his eyes with backs of his hand. Kirishima was loud, not quite shouting but close, his eyes were pleading

“Shut the fuck up,”

“Look man, I’m really glad you came over, I’m glad that you trusted me enough to do that, but you need help, if it's not from me from one of the teachers or something, you can’t keep doing this, you look as if your about to collapse and your angry at everyone, more than usual. You need to sleep,”

“Who says I’m not sleeping.”

“I'm not that stupid, My dorms next to yours.”

Katsuki swallowed his anger, he could explode, but Kirishima was only telling him stuff he already knew, stuff that had been circling his head for the past few hours.

He closed his eyes for a second and saw green falling and instantly snapped them open again. Her was going to be sick.

“Look,” he said through gritted teeth, his jaw hurt from how tightly he was clenching it, the glass of water in his hand was the only thing stopping him from letting loose an explosion, his heart was still racing, he still felt like the world could jolt under him. “I fucking know alright? I don’t need you to tell me. The reason I came here is because I thought you’d know to leave it the fuck alone. I’ve talked to Deku, I’m going to talk to Aizawa I don’t need you to baby me!”

Kirishima leaned back, “I’m not babying you I just want to help-“

“Help your fucking self first, I’m not the person who dyes their hair because they're fucking insecure,”

Kirishima winced at first, and then glanced away.

And the anger slowly trickled out. And the image of green falling came back, because of what he’d said, because of how he’d treated him.

Shit, he didn’t mean to-

“Shitty Hair-“

“I don’t know what the hell’s going on with you man but it’s obvious you don’t want talk about it.

He bit his tongue, “I’m telling Aizawa tomorrow,”

“Good,” he glanced at him, “and I don’t know what the hell’s going on with Midoryia either but you should apologise for waking him up.”

That wasn’t the only thing he should apologise to Deku for. He had to say sorry, to Kirishima as well for what he just said too. Kirishima had asked him to help with his roots on the back of his head once and at some point mentioned why he started dying it in the first place.

He was surprised when Kirishima told him, he was the last person he expected to be insecure, he was so strong, stupidly strong, he didn’t know when to give up and he was Katsuki's friend because of it. His best friend.

He scowled, “Shitty Hair, I’m sorry okay? Everything's gone to shit but it wasn’t your fault, so…”

He didn’t know how to finish the sentence but the way Kirishima sent him a soft smile he was knew he understood what he was trying to say,

“I know," he licked his lips, looking away, "I’ll always be here for you, you know that right? Your unwavering horse,” he grinned and hardened an arm, “Someone who can take your explosions?”

Katsuki let his mouth twitch though the rest of him wasn’t in it. Wow he was a shit friend.

“I know.”

 The thank you was unspoken but he hoped Kirishima would know it was implied.

He ran his hand through his hair, letting himself slouch slighting, Shitty Hair was still kneeling on the floor next to him, he was still holding the glass of water.

“What time is it?” he asked because was there any point in going back to sleep? Could he? He was still jittery as fuck and even if he did lie down again all he would be able to see when he closed his eyes was green colliding with ground.

“It’s... erm,” he checked his phone, “four thirty-seven,”

“Shit,”

He seemed to agree with him,

“Are you going to go back to sleep?”

“Fuck no,” he was still tired but he’d slept some, he was better than he was the night before, he glanced over his shoulder at the window, under the blinds he could see it was still dark outside, but it start to brighten up soon, and he got up at five thirty to go for a run before he got ready for school anyway.

Maybe going for a run would make use of his heart that was beating too quickly.

“I’m going to go for run,” he said, throwing the blanket of him, last night it was too cold but now he felt to warm, he took a swing of the water, gulping all of it in a few seconds, he didn’t realise how dry his throat was until it wasn’t anymore.

“Right now? Bro you haven’t even had breakfast,”

“I’m not hungry,” he wasn’t. The idea of eating something made him want to wretch.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes I’m sure.”

He awkwardly stood up, kicking the tangled blanket of his feet and trying his best not to stumble over the pillow and make himself look like a complete idiot.

He was still wearing his clothes from yesterday, he wanted to go home and shower and change, if he ran there he could do all that before his mum woke up and be at the dorms to maybe get something to eat, if he felt like it, before class started.

That sounded like a plan.

“I’m gonna go home,” he said, as Kirishima clambered back up onto his bed again, “I’ll see you at school later okay?”

He sighed but agreed, "Okay, be safe getting home, text me,”

“I know,”

He had one hand on the handle of the door,

“And bro," he glanced abck at the sound of Shitty Hair's voice, "look after yourself okay?”

“I got it. Don’t worry about me,”

Kirishima gave him one last smile, and he closed the door behind him, moving quietly down the stairs and out the front door into the cool street. He took a deep breathe, inhaling the cold air that rattled in his lungs. And started the run home.

Xxx

The plan actually worked out surprisingly well, he got home and used the spare key to get in without waking up his mum or dad who he’d been half afraid would be sleeping in the living room or something stupid like that, waiting for him. They weren’t but he did notice the burn cream and gauze on the table and it made him feel like shit.

He did what he planned, ran upstairs, took a shower which felt incredible after everything that had happened the past day and got changed into his uniform, making sure he had all his books before he left for UA.

It was bright outside now and that made the walk to school nicer then it would be other wise. It was late enough to be bright and crisp and clear but early enough that there was no one else out yet.

The gate scanned him and opened letting him into the school grounds, the chances that someone said something to him later about not coming back with a buddy and being there so early in the morning was pretty high but he just wanted to get to the kitchen in the dorms and grab a cup of tea. He still didn’t think he could stomach food but he could at least have something to drink.

No one else was up by the time he got to the which wasn't surprising, but looking at the clock it looked like Icy Hot would be soon if he kept to his regular routine. Not that Katsuki was a stalker like Deku but he was usually up around the same time he was, and he was pretty sure Deku got up when he was out for his run around the grounds.

Just as he was thinking about it, Todoroki walked through the door, hair still tousled from sleep and he instantly downed the rest of the tea in the cup just so he wouldn’t have to respond to his, ‘Good morning Bakugo,’ which was said with such distain that Bakugo was almost impressed.

The two of them were going to have to spending a lot of time together due to them both failing the provisional licence exam.  The thought made him scowl.

He just glared at Half n’ Half who stared at him a little too long before turning back to the sink.

“How was your dinner last night?”

Deku must have told him about it because Katsuki sure as hell didn’t, he also knew asking that was Todoroki talk for how’s Midoryia, and he hated that Todoroki was going to be proved right in whatever he thought Katsuki did when Deku came into school later.

“None of your damn business.” he answered slamming the cup back onto the counter and storming out of the room before Todoroki could respond. He didn’t want another fucking interrogation.

And maybe, he thought, he'd be able to find Aizawa now and tell him he needed to talk to him after class, before he lost the adrenaline fuelled, sleep deprived, guilt driven need to tell someone.

Because it wasn’t just for his sake any more.

Chapter Text

It wasn’t that hard.

He stood outside Aizawa’s door, hands in his pockets. He’d been standing there for a while now, he didn’t want to admit to himself exactly how much time he’d wasted but he still hadn’t knocked yet.

He just had to psych himself up to it. It wasn’t that hard, all he had to do was knock on the door, tell him that he wanted to talk to him after school and then leave.

It was easy.

So why the hell couldn’t he do it?

Urgh, okay.

He raised his hand before he let his thoughts run in circles round his head again and wow, were his knuckles a little bruised from hitting Deku yesterday? Shit.

Due to the unintentional bruising it hurt slightly when he knocked a little too hard, covering up the nervousness he definitely wasn’t feeling with misplaced aggression.

No answer.

He allowed a few seconds before raising his hand to knock again, yeah chances were Aizawa was asleep but still he thought with him being a pro hero and everything he'd be a bit faster but apparently not.

He scowled at the door knocking again. “Hey teach, open up.”

He’d barely retracted his hand when the door was swung open and he was face to face with his teacher. It was kind of ironic, he noted, because the expression Aizawa wore as he looked at him was exactly what Bakugo was feeling, tired, pissed and completely done with everything.

Aizawa was dressed in black sweatpants and black t-shit, the colour under his eyes almost dark enough to match but that was nothing new.

He just stared at him for a second and then sighed deeply. Bakugo was mildly offended but understood where he was coming from, if he had to be in charge of this group of idiots including himself, he would’ve lost it months ago.

“What have you done now?”

The tone wasn’t accusing but instantly he snapped to defence. “I haven’t done shit!”

“Then why are you yelling outside my room at quarter to six in the morning?”

He didn’t have an answer to that. Or, he did but suddenly the idea of saying it seemed a lot more difficult than it was when he wasn’t actually there.

Maybe he could just leave it and sort it out by himself, Aizawa sounded like he didn’t want to be bothered, but one glance at him again confirmed that his eyes had softened and Bakugo had no idea what the fuck he had done to deserve that expression but he certainly didn’t f**king appreciate it.

He opened the door a little further, standing a little straighter,

“You’ve come this far, you might as well tell me Bakugo.”

He scowled and bit the inside of his cheek, this was the last chance he had to back out- back out- even the wording of that made him cringe, but it would be to prove he was strong enough to handle this himself. He’d managed perfectly f**king fine the first few weeks, it was just the nightmare and Deku and his mum that had pushed him over the edge, but he was fine before that and that was only going to be a one-time thing of a run of badly timed situations. If he could just get back into routine, he would be fine.

This was stupid, he was making such a big deal over something that had happened one night.

But even thinking that didn’t sit right in his gut, no one just snaps that suddenly, it had been building up and he fucking knew it.

And it had resulted in him hurting his own fucking mum, consequence of bad timing or not, he couldn’t let it happen again.

 “Look, I need to talk to you after class.” He practically had to force the words out, feeling disgust roll down his throat as he asked for fucking help.

“I’d ask if everything’s okay,” he gave Bakugo a quick once over and Katsuki felt his scowl deepened. “But it’s obvious it’s not.”

He frowned, “What the hell is that supposed to me-“

“Bakugo,” He glared but clamped his mouth shut. Fine he could shut up, that was obviously what Aizawa wanted. It took way too much effort though. “I'm free at the end of the day, meet me after classs, in the staff room, you can tell me whatever it is.”

He felt such a weird mix of relived and angry. Mostly angry. He wasn’t sure at what, himself? Deku? Aizawa? Who knows? Who gives a fuck? it doesn’t make a difference.

But Aizawa was still just standing there looking at him expectantly and just stomping off would make things awkward later so he growled out a thanks and stormed down the hall, shoving his hands in his pockets when he heard the door to Aizawa’s room swing shut behind him.

He let out a breath.

Okay so he's told Aizawa, what now? He would actually have to go and talk him after school and tell him something was wrong- admit to a-urgh- admit to a weakness. Shit.

But he couldn’t exactly turn around and tell him to forget about it.

At least he’d felt more like himself ever since he’d arrived at the dorms.

Actually, after some sleep, a shower (he’d switched onto cold at the end) and time to think as he walked to school, he felt better.

Last night he’d been paranoid and he’d screwed up, he was already annoyed at Deku because of what had happened in the kitchen and he’d been confronted with a lot of things he tended to ignore in a short amount of time on almost no sleep and the feeling that his head was plunged under water.

So, it was good that things were clearer. He could see them for what they were.

Last night, hell, a few hours ago he was a complete fucking mess.

Also, the fact that outside was bright and a crisp cold was good as well. Everything was awake and buzzing and that was the environment he liked best. Something busy and crackling and filled with energy.

He trudged to the hallway avoiding the far too cheery voices that were beginning to come from the kitchen and the faint smell of burnt toast, how the hell could those idiots mess up toast? and grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder.

Fuck, would his mum be able to carry her bag or would she have to put it over her other shoulder? How bad was the burn? He didn’t actually know. When he saw it, it looked bad, maybe not the worst burn he’d ever given anyone but that didn’t make it any fucking better.

He readjusted the bag strap over his shoulder at the thought and made his way out the door, he wanted to get out of there before anyone noticed and tried to drag him into conversation, he could just sit in class for a while, check over his homework, although he was one hundred percent sure that it was right because he was always right.

But it did mean that he wouldn’t have to talk, if he wasn’t lying to himself, yell. Because he kind of wanted to yell.

He also kind of wanted to not yell.

Urgh.

Fucking emotions.

This was why he usually tried to ignore them, he never did very well at it but fuck.

And what the hell was he going to say to Aizawa?

Hi, I’ve been having nightmares about the villains and I can’t sleep which means I’m paranoid and pissed and talking with Deku made me hyper aware of what a shitty person I am and that’s why the villains took me in the first place.

I want to be better but Deku still annoys the hell out of me because he is a huge prick. Have you seen his huge fucking eyes that just scream fuck you every time he glances in your direction or-

Shit.

He was getting off track.

Although in all fairness, that was a pretty concise way of saying everything he wanted to, maybe he should just leave out the whole Deku rant.

Deku.

It was weird, because he still wanted to hit Deku, because he made him look like an idiot last night and pushed him until he broke, but Katsuki had had the realisation when he woke up from his nightmare last night, he had been worse.

Of course he had. it wasn't exactly a surprise to him, he was aware of how shitty he was to him but before now he just didn't care.

It made him feel kind of sick because he’d never even really thought about the consequences of what he said to Deku until last night when they’d talked about it and he gave himself time to think about it, but whatever Deku had done to him, he’d done worse.

He knew Deku had a small scattering of scars on his back from a quirk mishap when they were in middle school, he knew he still flinched, he knew he was awkward and completely socially inept because for years Katsuki had driven everyone away from him because why would anyone want to be friends with a nerd like that?

He wasn’t a good person. He wasn’t a good person. He wasn’t lying when he said it last night, he screwed up Deku’s whole life.

Besides, thinking about it, really thinking about what he had done to Deku, especially after the damn terrifying dream he’d had last night, he knew that he’d been trying to break Deku for years, and every time he pushed Deku down he’d get right back up again.

And that’s one of the things about him that annoyed him.

But he realised, he didn’t know what he would do if one day Deku didn’t get up.

xxx

He was right. He had time for himself when he got to class and he just sat that there, earphones in, homework out and a while later Iida came in. His feet weren’t up on the desk this time so he didn’t get a lecture, second time in two days he’d managed to avoid it. Maybe it was good omen, he could use one of those.

Iida said good morning to him and he ignored him, pretending he couldn’t hear him because of the headphones.

And then just like yesterday more people filtered in.

After five or six others had arrived and formed small groups around the room and he ignored all of them a familiar shitty Red entered the room and he wasn’t expecting his stomach to drop the way it did. He’d kind off just brushed off Kirishima after this morning.

He had to thank him. Or say sorry. Or both.

They met eyes from across the room and although Kirishima looked a little tired (entirely his fault) he still smiled at him and bounded over like a puppy dog.

Katsuki actually pulled out an earphone for him.

“Good to see you’re looking better Blasty.”

Was he looking better? That was nice.

“Yeah, well I actually got some sleep,” He hesitated, impressed with how he sounded so aggressive while trying to be nice. “Thank you.”

See that wasn’t so hard. …General Manners…

“Actually, about that-”

Okay yes, he was thankful that Kirishima had let him stay over, had put up with his shit last night, but he didn’t want to talk about it in the middle of the classroom so he shut him up in the nicest way he could think of.

Interrupting him before he could finish the sentence,

“I’m talking to Aizawa after school.”

That would give Shitty Hair peace of mind at least. Not that he would've had to worry about anything in the first place.

Maybe the sorry could be implied. If any of the other extras heard him say it, he knew they wouldn’t stop staring at him and more of them had entered the classroom since him and Shitty Hairr had started talking.

“Really?” Kirishima's face lit up, crap he didn’t realise that Shitty Hair cared that much. “Oh, dude that’s great! I kind of thought you were hysterical when you said that.”

“I’m never fucking hysteri-“

“Bakugo!” Oh of course, there was Iida, “I cannot condone that kind of language in the classroom,”

He rolled his eyes, but appreciated the familiarity,

“Piss off Glasses,”

Shitty Hair laughed and he thought he could hear mild relief in it but then it faded and the murmuring of the room went quiet.

What the hell? This group of idiots was never quiet. Except- he glanced up from his homework to the doorway, and then Todoroki spoke, his voice was ice cold.

“Midoryia, what happened to your face?”

Chapter Text

He knew that when he walked into class that people would react and while he hoped they wouldn’t, he had people who got angry and protective on his behalf and he appreciated it, he really did. It was such a far cry from what it was like in middle school that sometimes he had to remind himself that it was even real, but right now they didn’t have the whole story and what happened between him and Kacchan was their business only.

But he wasn’t expecting the reaction to be as bad as it was.

He was feeling kind of weird as he went into class, just slightly off, but he ignored it, he was a bit…watery almost. He knew he cried a lot at the best of times but yesterday was tough, and it had bled into him.

And then he met eyes with Todoroki sitting at his desk,  Uraraka standing next to him and he could feel both their gazes draw instantly to the side of his face.

He would've gone to Recovery Girl, it would've taken two seconds to get it fixed but his mum gave him cream for it last night and he was kind of terrified that if he went to Recovery Girl one more time than he needed to she’d end up kicking him out altogether which really wouldn't be ideal so he just had to grin and bear it. 

Except when he smiled at Uraraka and Todoroki neither of them smiled back. And as he scoured his eyes around the room, nor would anyone else. His gaze landed on Kirishima where he stood next to Kacchan and he could actively see the smile drop from his lips.

“Midoryia, what happened to your face?”

He tore his gaze from Kirishima and back to Todoroki.

Although it was a question it wasn't asked like one. It sounded like Todoroki was looking for confirmation on something he already knew, but Midoryia had come to a few conclusions last night, and he decided that the last thing Kacchan needed right now was to be confronted.

Maybe he had pushed a little too hard for answers last night, but Kacchan was never going to willingly admit them otherwise, and besides it worked with getting Todoroki to use his fire, and his own bodily harm was never that big of a deal to him. Recovery girl could fix him. Not that she needed to, yesterday didn't go half as badly as he thought it would.

But this could turn bad quickly judging by the look on Todoroki’s face,

'Nothing Todoroki I promise, please just-'

“Ow, Deku that looks bad,” Uraraka’s voice was as light and bouncy as usual,  but the last thing he was expecting after her outburst was for Uraraka to come forward and cup his face with her hands, twisting his head to the side.

Red rose up his neck and heat rushed to his cheeks.

“Did someone hit you or?...” she trailed off and when she glanced to Kacchan he knew exactly what was running through her mind. She wasn’t wrong but now really wasn’t a good time.

Her hands were still soft around his face and he knew she was purposefully not touching him with her pinky finger but half a second later she let him go again, and spun to face Kacchan. 

He was still flustered but he had to react. 

'Wait, Uraraka I can explain!'

But she had already stomped her way over to Kacchan, face pulled into a tight expression, her eyes narrowed, shoulders set. And Kacchan looked coiled like a spring, it wasn't like he was going to back down from a fight if that's what Uraraka wanted.

Frustration clawed its way up his throat. She wasn't listening. 

“Uraraka. “ He called,

That seemed to break Kirishima out of his reverie, he’d been staring at him but now he put himself between a rising Kacchan and advancing Uraraka. He held his hands up in front of him, not hardened yet but a good precaution to have just in case.

“Uraraka, come on.”

'Kirishima move out of my way.'

Angry and Uraraka weren't words he put together in a sentence often but when he did, she was a force to be reckoned with.

Behind Kirishima, Bakugo had stood up, hands at his sides curling. Kirishima twisted mildly to push him back with a hand on his chest,

“Dude-“

“If you wanna fight someone fight me.” she proclaimed and Kacchan snarled.

'You really wanna do this Round Face?'

'Don't talk to her like that,' Todoroki snapped.

Deku noticed that Kirishima had activated his quirk now and stood rock hard between the three of them. He should really move, do something.

'Guys enough,' he said, but he was blatantly ignored.

'Bakugo’s done this too many times now,” Todoroki snapped at Kirishima, not him, his voice was ice. “We knew when Midoryia said he was going home with him it was never going to end well.'

'I agree,' Iida spoke up, to Deku's surprise he wasn't trying to reroute or distinguish the argument, but adding more fuel to the fire. 'This cannot be allowed to continue.'

'The fuck does it have to do with any of you?'

'We're his friends.'

Midoryia wanted to say something. He wanted to tell them to calm down and step back because Kacchan was right and they didn't have anything to do with it, they had no idea what happened yesterday, but he couldn't force the words out.

“Todoroki-“ and when he finally could he was cut off.

'No, it's not fair, it's not fair he gets to get away with this!' Uraraka looked past Kirishima’s shoulder to Bakugo. 'Deku was telling me he was happy, because you two were finally getting on again, you know that? And you’ve just ruined it!'

Wait no, Kacchan wasn't meant to know that, Uraraka wasn't meant to tell him, she wasn't meant to tell anyone that. Kacchan’s gaze snapped to him and his stomach dropped, he wasn't ready for Kacchan to know that yet.

'Uraraka, Todorok-'

He'd finally a managed to force the words out, taking a frantic step forward, 

'Midoryia, it's fine, we can handle him if he throws a temper tantrum.'

Kacchan’s hands sparked at that.

'You fucking sure about that Icy Hot?'

“You really shouldn’t fight in here,” Satou said but almost no one heard him, or if they did they ignored him, but Midoryia really appreciated the attempt.

'Bakugo, sit down,' Kirishima’s eyebrows were pulled together. 'Todoroki, Uraraka back off, listen to Midoryia.'

Uraraka and Iida almost glared at Kiri before complying and whipped around to look at him while Todoroki kept his gaze firmly on Kacchan.

He could feel the eyes from the others in the class were flicking between them all as well. Koda, Satou, Tokoyami, it seemed like none of them knew what to do.

Midoryia didn't know either, he swallowed, his eyes meeting Uraraka’s, “You don't even know if it was Kacchan.”

Todoroki still didn't look at him, 'We're not stupid.'

At the same time Midoryia protested 'I never said that!' Kacchan just scoffed, a sneer in his face.

'Deku, you can't let him bully you.'

'I don't. I'm not afraid of him anymore, but Kacchan’s right. Please Uraraka, you don't know what's going on.'

Kacchan’s words from last night were playing like a loop in his head, he already thought he was a villian, he couldn’t let anyone push the idea into him anymore, even slightly. Yeah, Kacchan needed to change but he wasn't a villian he wasn't going to let the others get away with treating him like he was one over something they didn't understand and weren't involved in.

'Shut up Deku,' Kacchan snapped but it sounded like empty anger and when he glanced over to Kacchan there were flames in his eyes but they weren’t directed at him.

'Final warning, Bakugo,' Todoroki said.

When he spoke Midoryia noticed the ice beginning to creep across Todoroki’s hand and up the sleeve of his blazer.

'Todoroki, listen to Midoryia, leave it,' Kirishima said, trying in a last-ditch effort to keep the peace. Even with Kirishima’s hardening, if the two decided to go all at it, no one wanted to be in blast range.

'So, you know what's going on?’ Todoroki asked.

'More than you do.'

Midoryia suddenly realised that was true, Kacchan had called him from Kirishima’s phone last night. So he must've been there when...whatever happened. 

It was the weirdest phone call he'd ever gotten and he still didn't know what the heck it was about. But apparently Kirishima knew.

The class room fell quiet. He thought that the few minutes of tense silence meant it was calming down, that people were understanding and would just leave it. 

But of course, Tsuyu and Kaminari had to walk in, and neither of them had any filter. 

Their upbeat conversation faded away the moment they stepped into the room and moved their gazes from the general scene to Bakugo to Midoryia and then swept over the whole thing again.

'What the hell is going on? Are you guys fighting?'

The answer was a myriad of yes and no’s from across the class and Kaminari looked even more confused than he was when he came in. His gaze landed back on Midoryia and his eyes widened,

'Wow, wait Bakugo did you hit him? What the hell man?'

The next part happened so quickly that it he barely registered it till it was over. 

At Kaminari’s words Kacchan’s hands had crackled a little louder, and Kirishima whirled round to face him, giving Todoroki free rein to fire of a strip of ice that Kacchan managed to dodge at the last second, the arm of his blazer was frozen slightly.

For a second there was no reaction

And then his face went feral.

No. Crap. Crap.

This was going to end so badly.

On instinct he pushed forward when Kacchan’s arm flexed and pulled back, ready to throw an explosion despite Kirishima’s hardened form in front of him in a poor attempt to block him from Todoroki who looked all geared up for a fight. The rest of the class gasped, shouts ripping from a couple of them-

“Kacchan, Wait!”

Kirishima was hardened, arms crossed over his face in the immediate blast radius, the rest of the room flinched and braced in preparation-

 -but the explosion never came.

Nor did the ice.

What?...

'Todoroki, Bakugo, stand down.'

Aizawa. Oh. Wow. Good.

He couldn't have shown up at a better time, and beside him was Mineta, a look a mixture of pride and fear on his face. He hadn't seen Mineta in the classroom but he must've ran to get Aizawa when he saw things were going downhill.

'Todoroki, go back to your desk. Bakugo sit down.'

No one moved.

The silence over the room was deafening. 

“Now.”

Everyone clicked into action, sinking into their own seats, mouth clamped shut.

'Does anyone want to tell me what the hell is going on? Midoryia?'

Everyone's eyes were drawn back to him again as Todoroki made his way back to seat, shoulders tensed and Kacchan sat back down in his chair in the most aggressive way he'd ever seen anyone sit. 

Iida and Uraraka were still standing at his side, Kirishima was still next to Bakugo.

He swallowed under the weight of their gazes and then he turned to face mister Aizawa knowing what was going to come but he couldn't avoid it. 

Aizawa didn't have much of a reaction, to the bruise, his eyebrow edged slightly toward his hair line and he glanced at Bakugo, frowning and then the others and then back to him, expectantly. 

'Well?'

'Um… Kacchan and Todoroki were fighting,'

'Over what?'

He really didn't want to answer that. But he couldn’t lie to Aizawa. so he fixed his gaze on the floor, 

'The bruise on my face,'

“Do you know why?”

“Yes.”

Aizawa sighed, eyeing the rest of the class and the small group that had just arrived at the door but hadn’t come in yet, probably from feeling the spilling tension from all the way down the hall.

“Okay, Midoryia, come with me, Kirishima, send back Bakugo out in ten minutes.” He thought for second,  “Todoroki, I’m going to talk to you later.”

No one responded apart from Kirishima’s muttered, yes sir.

“Uraraka, Iida sit down,” They did slowly and uneasily, but not before Uraraka grabbed his arm and gave it a soft squeeze in a way that was probably meant to be comforting.

 “I want an essay on the relevance of Hero laws throughout the years, five sides, if I hear anyone talking, you’re out. Now get to work, Midoryia, follow me.”

And he did, out the door and down the hall ina near deathly silence apart from the faint sound of Present Mic.

Mr Aizawa-' 

'Wait till we get to the staff room, problem child.'

He deflated, 'oh, okay,'

He had a vague idea of what Aizawa was going to ask him but he didn't know how and it made him nervous. Wringing his hands, he kept his gaze firmly on the floor as he followed.

He didn't know what he'd say, at least Kacchan was coming soon, he didn't want to tell any of his side of the story. It wasn't his place to say anything but he could tell Aizawa about his part in things.

And maybe he could tell Aizawa about some of the things he was afraid to say to All Might. Not afraid, apprehensive, he didn't want All Might I think he wasn't capable of taking the mantel, he could, he would prove it. 

They stopped outside the staff room and Aizawa held open the door for him, all classes had stated at this point so it was empty, and he sat carefully on the edge of one the seats. He was familiar with feeling awkward but he that didn't mean it felt any more comfortable.

Aizawa moved to the counter, pulling out a mug from the cupboard and a jar of cheap instant chocolate powder and milk.

'So Midoryia, do you want to tell me how you got that bruise?'

He should've known that would be the first question, 

'I-me and Kacchan got into a fight,'

Aizawa sighed, like he hadn't already guessed that. 

'I thought that after your last fight things were better. All Might said you trained together sometimes,'

'We did, it's just-' this is where the hard part came, was it fair to tell Kacchan's secret? No. Not yet. 'We just had a bad day yesterday.'

'I thought it was weird when I saw you two leaving school together yesterday.'

He laughed weakly but there was no humour in it. His hands were planted on his knees, and pushed straight, his whole back tensed.

'...yeah,'

The only sound in the room was the tea spoon hitting the side of the cup as Aizawa stirred his drink. He sat down opposit him a few seconds later, hand cupped around the mug and then pushed it toward him. 

'And how are you feeling Problem Child?'

Midoryia blinked. He hadn't been expecting that. 'Me?'

'Yes you, obviously something is wrong with Bakugo but how are you? I know you probably received the brunt of it.'

The backs of his eyes stung and he had to blink rapidly to try and keep the oncoming tears at bay. 

He knew UA was different from middle school, he knew the teachers were different, he'd been shown that on the first day when Aizawa had stopped Bakugo from attacking him. No teacher, no one, had stood in between them before, usually they just turned a blind eye but the fact that Aizawa cared, the fact that he had friends who cared, who wanted to stick up for him, even if they didn't understand the whole story, even if it was really bad timing, made him want to cry.

'Hey, don't cry, have a drink. '

He took in a shaking breath and crap he didn't mean to cry but he hadn't gotten very much sleep last night and Kacchan didn't deserve to feel like he did and it was always a startling wake up call to see the strongest person you know breakdown in front of you. And at the same time having all the memories from middle school he'd managed to bury but would never forget dragged back up again. It was a surprise that he hadn't cried more last night. 

Although he had. When he got home to his room. He hadn't been asleep very long when his phone rang and it was Krishima and his heart rate picked up because his mind had just jumped to all the worst scenarios and-

A soft hand on his shoulder made him jump slightly but through blurry tears he could see Aizawa concerned face. 

'Midoryia, take a deep breath, it's okay.'

He did as instructed and though his breath was shaky, he was fine. He was fine, he was okay.

Aizawa passed him the drink and it was nice and warm to hold on to.

'Take a drink. I'm going to get Bakugo, I'll be back in a second.'

Deku just nodded. 'Okay, sorry,' he swiped under his eyes. 'Thank you.'

Aizawa gave him a final look before he left the room and the moment the door swung shut, Midoryia let an ugly sob leak out. 

Damn it 

Damn it.

Why now. 

Scratch that he knew why.

He was such a bad friend. Kacchan had been feeling like this for so long and he'd missed it and all he'd managed to do was push him away and get his friends to gang up on him.

His shoulder shook and he had to put the mug on the table again so he wouldn't spill it. 

Why couldn't he ever help people, why did everything he tried always end in such a mess.

If he hadn't had that stupid nightmare that night, if he hadn't gone to the kitchen when Kacchan came down then this wouldn't be happening.

Stop.

Stop.

Don't fall back into this again.

He repeated the words in his head trying to look at things more rationally. The night he was down there was bad timing, it wasn’t his fault, he just wanted to help. He stood by what he did, because it was better to talk about problems, but he wished he didn't have to.

When he faintly heard the door click open again he didn't have time to recover, his eyes hurt and he was mess.

Crap the tears didn't even feel necessary this time so why was he-

'Why the fuck are you crying nerd?'

He sucked in a breath,

'Sorry, I just-' he cleared his throat, 'I'm really sorry about them Kacchan, Todoroki and Uraraka-'

Kacchan rolled his eyes and slumped down into a chair beside him as Aizawa made another drink, that one was probably for Kacchan. 'What did I say about apologising Deku?'

He opened his mouth to say something but was beat to it,

“Don't worry about it nerd, it’s not your fault Icy Hot's an asshat who likes you for some goddamn reason, you think I give a shit about what those extras think of me?" After what he said last night Midoryia didn't believe that but he appreciated it, was Kacchan was trying to make him feel better? It was a weird sensation.

'Besides, I was going to talk to Aizawa anyway, this just sped the whole thing up.'

He lit up a little at that, he didn't know Kacchan was actually going to take what he said seriously, he thought he'd just be brushed off and ignored as per usual. 

'Oh g-good."

'Whatever.'

Midoryia wiped under his eyes with the sleeve of his blazer staining the fabric with tears.

He felt eyes on him and when he looked up Kacchan was staring.

'What?'

'I thought I burnt your tie."

He heard Aizawa pause in his making of the drink for a second and then continue,

'Oh yeah, you-you did, but I had a spare, I kinda, I thought at the start of the year- this hasn't been the first time you've burnt my tie, not my UA one but, um… school ties."

Crap he hadn't meant to say all that, although that was what they were here to talk about anyway, so it was fine right?

Kacchan lent back in his chair. 'F**king idiot.'

At this point that didn't offend him, it was just Kacchan's way of addressing people.

A drink was pushed into Kacchan's hands and finally Mr Aizawa sat opposite them both, face unreadable.

'So,' he said, 'It's obvious that you two have had your problems, but this is getting out of hand,'

Surprisingly it was Kacchan who spoke first. 'It was about something different this time.'

Aizawa sighed, 'Why am I not surprised?  You look like you've been hit by a truck Bakugo,'

'There's more to it.' Kacchan's voice was steady and rough but Midoryia had known him long enough to tell it wasn't his usual effortless confidence, it was definitely some kind of mask judging by how much his hands were shaking.

'Me and Deku weren't the worst of it. He was just the worst person to be where he was, when he was.' Aizawa raised an eyebrow and Midoryia found himself holding his breath. 'I've been having nightmares. Not sleeping.'

Aizawa nodded along with him. And although Midoryia already knew that,  it was different hearing him say it out loud, in as conversational of a tone Kacchan could manage.

'With everything's that's happened it makes sense.' Aizawa said.

'I fucking- I woke up the other night, fucking League of villains, Deku was in the kitchen. It went downhill from there.'

Aizawa frowned and then leant back. 'Okay, Bakugo you're going to tell me your side from the other night, everything, then Midoryia, you tell us yours. I'll understand, you'll both see the other persons positions, then we'll sort it out.'

The idea of that made him feel uncomfortable, he didn't doubt Kacchan even more so, judging on how he tensed next to him.

''Fuck, okay,' his voice was nearly a growl. “It got worse after the exercise a couple of weeks ago, where I had to play the hostage,”

Chapter Text

"The training exercise?" Aizawa said. “If you were uncomfortable why didn't you say anything?" Midoryia leaned back in his chair wringing his hands together, tracing the lines of scars, when realisation dawned in Aizawa's eyes, almost deadpan enough to match Kacchan's. "Actually don't answer that Bakugo."

Kacchan rolled his yes but answered anyway,

"Because I was in cuffs- fucking-“ he’d never heard Kacchan speak so incoherently before, “I don't like-fucking hell- I don't like not being able to move, after the sludge villain, the sports festival, the League-they used the same fucking cuffs as the sports festival did you know that?"

Kacchan hadn't told them that. Even the thought of the hero's using the same cuffs villains used on Kacchan made him angry.

"No I didn’t." Aizawa said, forehead creased. "I know it won’t help but I was against how you were treated at the sports festival, it was unprofessional and unfair and your reasons for not wanting first place were perfectly valid.' His face was blank but his voice was tinged with anger. "And in reference to the training exercise, if it were anyone else but you I would've expected them to say something."

Beside him Kacchan  shifted, 'Shut up, Teach.'

"Respectful as always."

'Fuck you," he ground out. "Anyway, after that the nightmares came back and I was getting less sleep and all these extras pissed me off more. Like I said, I ran into Deku last night, fucking idiot is too nosy for his own good and things went to shit,"

"As things often do when you and Midoryia are involved."

Kacchan laughed but it was a bitter and there was no humour in it,. "You don't even fucking know half of it."

Izuku glanced up, a  thin awkward smile gracing his face. Ha, that was true. Having to talk about everything again in the space of less than twenty-four hours-

(stuff he-no he hasn't been trying to ignore)

 (he hasn't)

(but move past)

-Was not his idea of a fun morning.

"I know." the answer was short and Izuku and no idea how he or Kacchan were meant to respond to that. "Is that when you hit Midoryia?"

'No, Shitty Hair came down before I could."

Wow, Kacchan really wasn't helping his case here. He ran a tongue over his lip, scowling to the side, eyes fixed on 1B training on the pitches, and then he turned to Izuku, glare fired up and a intimidating as always, even though he was speaking to Aizawa

"Do I have to tell you everything?" he ground out through gritted teeth. 

"Only the important parts."

"Does Deku have to be here?" He internally winced a little at that.

"I think it's beneficial for you both, besides weren't you both there anyway?"

"Exactly, he already fucking knows everything."

Actually he didn’t, he still had no idea what that phone call was about last night, and that felt pretty important to him because it was the first time in years Kacchan had, complimented him was the wrong wording, but said something nice? And there was no way he was just going to let that pass without comment.

“Bakugo,” Aizawa said, tired, exasperated. “If you didn’t hit him then that means you had another fight. When?”

Kacchan let out an irritated sigh, shifting in his seat again and jostling Izuku with his elbow, he didn’t think it was intentional but he knew he wasn't going to get an apology for it either way.

“We were walking home from school, I- I kinda blocked Deku out because his voice annoys the fuck out of me, but he spoke suddenly and because I wasn’t paying attention I-“ he didn’t meet Aizawas eyes or even look at Izuku, but an uncomfortable understanding settled over him so he filled in the blank space.

“I scare-“ Nope, bad wording. “I surprised you from behind, didn’t I?”

Guilt swirled in his stomach, how Kacchan had reacted made a lot more sense now. He should’ve expected him to turn on him, eyes sharp, hands sparking. “What? Is that just what you’re fucking assuming Deku?”

“What? No, Kacchan I was just trying to hel-“

“Trying to help? Yeah, you’re always fucking trying to help, that’s your fucking problem. You never know when to give up,”

“And that’s a problem?” Aizawa's voice was calm amongst the two of them who were getting progressively louder.

“Fucking hell, yes. He’s a bastard who can’t do anything but still think’s he’s better than me.”

“I told you that’s not tru-“

“Oh come on Deku, give it up, All Might’s not here you don’t have to be so high and mighty. Back when you were fucking quirkless you still thought you could get into UA. How arrogant do you have to be? People with quirks didn’t think they’d actually get in, but this, you getting in, was so fucking sure?”

Kacchan was standing now, and so was he although he had no memory of standing up or clenching his hands into fists at just how not true that was, he’d told that to Kacchan he looked up to him, he told him that, honestly, because he felt like he needed to and Kacchan thought he said it to impress All Might?

“Bakugo, Midoryia.” At the sound of Aizawa voice the fight that was building up inside him drained, Kacchan's shoulders slumped, the sparks from his hands extinguishing as Aizawa stared at him, quirk activated. “Sit down, or it's another three days suspension for both of you.”

Wait, no, he couldn’t miss anymore school, he dropped back into his seat, letting his hands fall open at his sides,

“Sorry.”

A second later Bakugo slumped down next to him, elbowing him again and this time it was definitely intentional and neither of them said anything for second but he couldn't let the silence linger, not when that was hanging in it.

“You know that’s not true Kacchan.” he said and Kacchan didn’t even turn to look at him, glaring Icily at the wall over Aizawa’s shoulder. “You know it was a pipe dream for me, I knew it too, deep down. I just didn’t want to admit it, especially when you were so sure that I wouldn’t make. You burning my notebook just made me want to prove you wrong, even if I knew I couldn’t. I didn’t want to face reality. I’m not arrogant.”

He expected Aizawa to say something but Kacchan spoke first, his voice cooling down slightly. “You’re still a fucking moron.”

From Kacchan that about as good as offering an olive branch and he took it whole heartedly.

“Okay, now that you’ve both finished acting like five year olds.” Aizawa lowered himself back into his seat, leaning back slighting. “I want to come back to the burnt notebook later, but Bakugo, is Midoryia right?”

He gritted his teeth and Izuku sank back in his chair, “If you wanna fucking put it like that fine, he surprised me and the fact that fucking Deku made me jump made me angry, and when I already wanted to hit him? he just gave me a reason to.”

What Izuku still couldn’t get over how Kacchan’s voice sounded, it’s usual rough confidence but it didn’t sound like it usually did, there was something missing, or something added, he didn’t know but it was wrong hearing it come from Kacchan’s mouth.

“I’m sorry.” He said, looking at Kacchan even though he didn’t spare a glance in his direction. “I know you don’t want me to say that but, just let me this time.”

He could feel Kacchan’s glare even though it wasn’t directed at him.

“Are you two done?”

Neither of them answered.

“Good. Look, Bakugo, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable but you said you wanted to talk to me, and this is the way I know how, so I’m going to keep asking questions and if you want me to help then you have to give me an answer,”

“I’m not stupid, I know how it works, I just don’t fucking enjoy doing it. So go, ask youe questions.”

“How did Midoryia scare you?”

He could physically see Kacchan holding back a snapped answer, sucking in a deep breath. “Like I said, I’ve been dreaming about the villains, The marble fucker took me from behind, so did the fire Guy.”

“So, you have a bad reaction to people coming up behind you. Is there anything else? any other side effects?”

Kacchan didn’t answer and Izuku took it as his turn to risk his life, nudging Kacchan to get him to talk because, yes, there was another side effect and it had happened twice and it was quite important.

“I fucking-I can’t stand my neck being touched, I just-I'm back there.” His words were stressed and had an undertone of desperation, like he was trying to get Aizawa to understand. “I didn't mean to fucking burn my mum, or fuck up Deku’s shirt, I just,” he bit the inside of his cheek, anger almost radiating of him. "I didn't realise it was them,'

'You used your quirk on your mother?' Aizawa sat forward, in possibly the most concerned Midoryia had ever seen him.

'Not on purpose! The Hag grabbed me-'

'Kacchan just reacted, he-'

“Shut up, Deku.”

Maybe he should be quiet for this one, it was Kacchan’s story to tell.

“We went to my house for dinner last night, bad fucking timing I know, and our parents spring on us that they want us to sort our shit out, Deku and I were argued and I tried to leave, but my mum,” he scoffed bitterly. “She fucking grabbed me around the back of the neck and I exploded, it was like I was seeing red and then Deku got me out of whatever the hell it was and I realised I burnt my mum and I felt like shit and left. That’s it.”

Well, that wasn’t the whole story but Izuku felt like he was just trying to get it out as fast as possible and he don’t know where he was meant to look, or if he was meant to say anything. He was awkward, he was bad a talking to people, this was just a lot of things he wasn’t good at rolled into one, plus he was trying to hold back more tears because this just wasn’t fair on Kacchan.

Aizawa sighed, looked to the side and then back to Kacchan again who was rigid, next to him, everything tense, eyes slightly glazed at having to go over it again. That was something else Izuku noticed about Kacchan, he cried or almost cried, but only when he was angry, he wasn’t going to point it out though.

“Kid, I’m sorry that you had to go through that, I’m sorry people at the schools, us, teachers, didn’t provide enough support. That we let you get taken in the first place.”

Kacchan swiped roughly under his eyes, “It’s fine, if I wasn't so fucking weak I could handle it,”

Aizawa frowned. “You’re not weak bakugo, and I’m glad you decided to tell me.”

“But everyone else thinks I am,” he said, blatantly ignoring the last part of the sentence, maybe he didn’t want to acknowledge that he asked for help. “I said this to Deku last night but I need to hear it from you,”

Izuku frowned, he wasn’t sure what Kacchan was talking about at this point, he took a deep breath.

“The villains took me because they thought I’d make a good villain, I listen to radio, I watch TV, I can hear people talking, they all think I’d make a perfect fucking Villain,” his voice shook slightly, from anger or holding back tears Izuku didn’t know. “Does that- does hurting my mum like that prove it?”

Izuku wanted to yell at him, to tell him no, but held it back, trying to push down the feeling that he was intruding on something.

“I thought you were smarter than that Bakugo.”

“What?”

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and not giving Kacchan anywhere to look but him, eyes filled with stale tears or not.

“You are not a villain." The words hung in the air. "If I had to choose one person to let the villains take, to get them back with guarantee they’d get out themself and as a hero? I would pick you. You are not one of them and I don’t want to ever here you say that again.”

Kacchan didn’t respond for a second and then he shoulders shook violently and he- was he crying?

“Fuck,” the words came out, choked. “Fuck.”

Kacchan dug the heels of his palms into his eyes trying desperately to stop his shoulders convulsing with each sob of relief.

Izuku chose to keep his mouth shut. There were some things you just didn’t comment on.

“I’ve been feeling so fuckking guilty. I needed to fucking- shit.” His words were shaking and broken up and trying desperately to sound put together but failing miserably.

“Bakugo, hey here,” the drink Aizawa made him but he had discarded was pushed back into Kacchan's hands, a little cooler but still warm, his eyes were shining with concern, regret. “It’s okay, it’s not your fault."

Izuku was trying not to cry to now, and also failing miserably.

The two of them sat on the sofa’s next to each other, crying, for the same reason, for different reasons. It didn’t matter, they just had to let it out.

Kacchan sucked in a shaky, deep breath and sat up straight again, wiping under his eyes in a way that looked hard enough to hurt, but he pulled himself together faster, though his voice still cracked when he spoke. “Crying is stupid nerd.”

Izuku let out a half sob half laugh.

“Look”, Aizawa said, drawing Izuku’s attention back to him, “We’ll have a break for a few minutes so you can both… sort out your emotions.”

What? So the three of them were just going to sit here awkwardly or?... Aizawa stood up, marching to the back of the staff room out of sight of him and Bakugo, they shared a glance both as confused as the other, Izuku's gaze a little blurred, Kacchans eyes rimmed with pink.

“You two can’t tell anyone about this, I hear one word of this outside of this room and I will know instantly it was you two and I will expel you,” the voice faded away and got louder again as Aizawa came back.

He thought he heard. Wait now, no way it could be-

No. No. It was.

Aizawa came back.

Holding a cat.

“What the hell, Teach?”

Kacchan spoke for both of them.

“I like cats, I have a cat, no one knows, no one will know, do you understand?”

Izuku worked up the ability to speak, eyes still stinging, face still hot, “Why is it in the staff room?”

“Because I like my cat,”

To be fair Izuku couldn’t argue with that logic. He liked All Might, his room was filled with it, Kacchan liked winning, so he always did it.

Aizawa place the cat gently down on the coffee table between them it and it looked completely unconcerned with the world and anything in it.

It was cute.

“What’s its name,”

Aizawa paused, it was his turn to be hesitant now, “Cookies,”

Kacchan barked out a real laugh and that and Izuku couldn’t help it either, partly from disbelief of the entire situation ever since they stepped into this room.

“That’s so f**king stupid,” Kacchan said but he still leant over to pet the cat, that leant into his touch, probably because he naturally ran a little hotter than everyone else due to his quirk. Izuku just let a smile crack his face,

It was nice if unexpected break. A cat. A small cute cat. He laughed again.

“Shut up nerd,” But there was no heat in his words so Izuku kept the grin on his face even if his cheeks were still wet, somehow there were any barely trances of Kacchan crying apart from the red tinge around his eyes but that could clear up quickly. He didn’t understand how Kacchan was so good at everything, even crying, and that was something that Izuku had way more practise at.

Aizawa sat down again, a small smirk gracing his features, but the dead serious look was still in his eye,

“If you have the cat will you be okay to answer a few more questions?”

Kacchan snorted, wiping under his eyes again and rolling his shoulders,  “I don’t need a fucking cat,”

But he didn’t stop petting it and Izuku wondered how his voice sounded even again. Maybe it was because he held in his tears more often when Izuku couldn’t.

“If you’re sure,” Aizawa didn’t sound convinced but continued anyway. “You’re dreams, nightmares, what are they about?”

That sparked Midoryia’s interest more than anything else, because yeah, the dreams, what were they about?

Kacchan stilled again, his hand slowing, “Most of the time I don’t remember, but usually it’s the League, or All Might dying or something like that. But last night, I dreamt that Deku jumped of a roof,”

Oh.

Oh. The phone call last night made a lot more sense now, the panicked 'I'm glad you’re alive' that had kept him up thinking for the next hour.

Of all the things he'd thought, he never got to that, never let himself get to that.

His insides twisted in a way that felt uncomfortable, he felt bad, but he knew he shouldn't, he hadn't actually done anything but that phone call last night, how ragged Kacchan's voice had sounded, was because of him.

'Do you know why that's something you'd dream about?'

Logically it made sense why that would be the next questions Aizawa asked but Midoryia had left that part out last night for a reason, yeah it stung, of course it did, but he knew Kacchan didn't mean it, he'd made that much obvious last night. And he'd changed a lot, yes things weren't perfect and they were still walking on eggshells around each other but it improving, slowly but surely, this was just another hurdle. 

But this didn't need to be brought up, he knew what everyone would say about Kacchan. He didn't know what would happen with UA, would he be allowed to stay at the school? Would he be kicked out? He couldn't risk that. 

Besides, they could talk about it some other time, he could tell him how it felt, how sometimes it still hurt. But not in a way that could compromise his future. 

There was no way he could ever do that to Kacchan.

But before he couldn't get a word in Kacchan answered, jaw clenched tightly, hands squeezed around the cup he was holding in one hand, he hadn't actually drank anything yet.

Izuku hadn't either, he didn't think he could stomach it right now.

"Because in middle school I told him to take a swan dive of the roof."

A blanket of silence draped over the room, the air becoming stale and too hot.

Chapter Text

Aizawa felt the sigh through every inch of his body.

Midoryia and Bakugo. 

It was always the two of them.

He should've known it was coming, he'd noticed that Bakugo had been acting out more than usual, he'd noticed the slightly darker rings under Midoryia's eyes, he'd noticed them start walking home together yesterday and that had set off all kinds of alarm bells but he'd hoped that they'd both have a little common sense, maybe they were making an effort to get along better.

That was wishful thinking. But this was worse than he thought, everything they had said since they walked into the room.

 Of course, problem child one and two would get into some kind of trouble. With a villain or with each other, they were like a magnet for conflict of any kind.

He looked at the two kids sitting in front of him, kids, that had been through so much and not given the support they need to deal with it. Neither of them deserved what happened to them, from each other, from villains and hearing what Bakugo said about the guilt and feeling like he was a villain made his heart sink.

And then of course the last fight and then whatever this was. Of course, it had all been building up, since middle school apparently or even before that and what Bakugo had just said, just admitted to, disturbed him slightly.

He never thought of Bakugo as a bad person, he was rough and sharp but passionate and one of the most driven people he’d ever seen but for all the yelling and fights, he hadn’t expected to hear that. Hadn’t expected it to be that bad, because Midoryia still tried to be his friend, still defended him, who did that for someone who told them to jump of a roof? who gave them a black eye?

If that wasn’t an example of the solid determination in him, he didn’t know what was, but Miodryia had to know it was wrong, right? That he didn't deserve to be treated like that.

But that didn’t change the fact that Bakugo told Midoryia to jump of a roof. That wasn’t the same as accidentally burning his mum, it couldn’t be traced back to trauma, to having a flashback.

It was cruel. It was malicious. and those weren’t two words he would pin to Bakugo now and that meant he had already changed, there was already improvement, but it still had to be dealt with because it was wrong and you couldn’t get away with saying that, to anyone, no matter the inferiority or superiority issues present.

 And of course, for Midoryia’s sake, because it wasn’t fair, he didn’t deserve any of that, as much as he hated to admit it, Midoryia was like sunshine incarnate. If every day of middle school was with Bakugo in that mind set, the way Midoryia, flinched and stuttered made a lot more sense.

 If he went back and rewatched the film of their first fight as well, how they acted would make more sense. Of course, they’d have to have such a shitty relationship in the past, Aizawa didn’t know how he’d over looked that.

He couldn't lie to himself and say he didn't care like he usually did, because with Midoryia sitting in front of him, stale tears in his eyes that were rimmed red, Bakugo looking anywhere but at him, fists clenching and unclenching at his side, him coming to ask to talk in the first place. He couldn't tell himself that lie again, these kids needed him. 

He cared about them.

Urgh, when did he become all sappy. Hizashi was rubbing off on him.

This was a delicate topic, important, he needed to handle it as such, it was clear they were uncomfortable talking about it.

“Midoryia,” he said, trying to keep the spark of anger down, he couldn't let his emotions effect this, he had to be professional and Midoryia instantly evaded his gaze, finding the wooden floor more interesting, “Is this true?”

“Sir, I really-“

“Midoryia, is this true?”

“Y-yes.” He paused before his words came out in a quick rush, “But he didn’t mean it, obviously, we were just- it was- we-“

“Stop with the goddaamn ‘we’ nerd you didn’t do shit and you know it. I don’t need you to defend me,”

That was the last thing he’d been expecting from Bakugo but he was surprising him a lot today, despite how he said it, managing to make it sound like an insult, what he was really doing was taking full responsibility for his actions, not blaming it on Midorryia, no one else but himself. It was a mature reaction and decision, it already meant that he had changed for the better. But he couldn’t let it go without consequences.

“So, it was completely unprovoked,” it was a statement not a question

“I guess. The f**king nerd was talking heroes, it pissed me off,”

He seemed to be trying to hide it but he could tell Bakugo’s hands were shaking, the mug he was holding becoming dangerously close to having hot chocolate spilled over the edge. Cookies lay in the middle of the coffee table, ignorant to the conversation going on around him.

“And you think being pissed off is a good reason to tell someone to kill themselves?”

Bakugo turned to glare at him, red eyes filled with fire and something else he couldn’t quite name, Aizawa was good at reading people, but apart from anger sometimes Bakugo was difficult to get a read on.

“No. I’m not trying to justify it, you asked, I told you, I’m not making excuses,”

“Do you feel remorse over it?”

At that he didn’t answer though, his jaw tensed a little tighter and Aizawa had the overwhelming urge to take the cup out of his hand before he spilt it. Midoryia’s gaze was still fixed firmly on the floor, he’d have to come back to him in a second, and order some counselling session for both of them. Together and apart. He hadn’t even heard the full story but that already made its way to the top of his to do list.

Even without the introduction of their middle school relationship he would’ve gotten them counsellors but it turned out Midoryia probably needed one more than he thought.

“He does, I think,” Surprisingly it was Miodryia who answered, and Aizawa prepared himself to have to intervene in case Bakugo had the same reaction last time Midoryia made an assumption about him but he was worried about nothing apparently, Bakugo turned to look at him but let him continue talking, “He was staying at Kirishima’s last night, he had to get out of the house for bit and they’re good friends so he thought-”

“Get to the f**king point Deku,”

“Oh, yeah, sorry," he swiped under his eyes, catching the tears before they could fall, his heart broke for kid, it really did, "Kacchan called me in the middle of the night, I guess after he dreamt that I- he said he was glad I was alive? And I guess in Kacchan terms that’s nice, so…”

It was clear Midoryia didn’t know how to end that sentence, if AIzawa was in his position he wasn’t sure he’d know either. He was also concerned but not surprised that Bakugo saying he was glad he was alive was considered nice, but then again, he noticed that Bakugo caring about his friends consisted of him yelling at them about how much unhealthy food they ate and their bad sleeping schedules in a way that sometimes made Aizawa thankful that he wasn’t the one that had to do it.

“The f**k do you mean in Kacchan terms?”

“You’re not exactly a touchy-feely person Bakugo,”

His lip twitched when Bakugo scowled at that, unable to argue otherwise.

“Anyway, But you Bakugo, do you feel remorse?”

“I- I f**king,” he was trying to find the words, this was probably difficult for him to talk about too, especially if he regretted it, if he didn’t want to be connected with that person anymore,

“I hadn’t thought about it for ages and then last night, I noticed when Deku didn’t tell our parents and I think it was talking about all the shit that happened that brought it back up again. That nightmare made me feel sick if that means anything, I called Deku because I had to hear his voice, make sure it was just a dream,”

He still sounded so angry but the words he was saying didn’t match his tone. And he wasn’t saying sorry either but there was the implication that he felt sick with guilt, getting Bakugo to get over his pride and apologise would take more than just one conversation.

“Would you say it again?”

He hesitated, “What?”

“If Midoryia did something that pissed you off again, now, would you say it?”

“No,”

The answer almost came before he even finished the question,

“Why not,”

“Because it’s a shitty thing to do and I was an asshole. I’m still an asshole,”

He was more self-aware than Aizawa thought, that was good.

“Midoryia, what do you think?”

“I-I think things are getting better,” he leant forward, not meeting his eyes and softly petting Cookie, Yes, he brought his cat to work with him, he was the only company he could stand, “After our um.. last fight, I think we understand each other better, I mean there’s still a lot of stuff to work out but we have been training together and we’ve been giving each other tips- or Kacchan’s been giving me tips, so..um.. yeah,”

The famous rambling came to a slow halt giving Aizawa time to speak

“How do you feel about what he said?”

Midoryia, in opposition to Bakugo, was painfully obvious to read, he really didn’t want to be here right now, talking about this,

“It wasn’t nice to hear, but you heard what Kacchan said, I couldn’t do anything,” he shook his head slightly, “It wasn’t anything new,”

Ah yes, that was another thing, this wasn’t it, this wasn’t the only situation, they still had a whole other suitcase to unpack.

“So, tell me about it,”

He shrunk in on himself even more if that were possible and Bakugo was actually looking at Midoryia now, and Aizawa could see the hint of confusion in his eyes,

“Sir, I really don’t want to talk abou-“

“Midoryia, if you want to fix this, you have to get everything out in the open, and no Bakugo won’t be expelled if that’s what you’re concerned about,”

He noticed both their shoulder’s visibly slump in relief that,

“But he will face consequences for his actions,”

“No that’s not it, I just, it was different then, I don’t like to think about,”

“It’s just going to fester,”

Bakugo elbowed him in the side and Aizawa frowned at him, giving him a dead eyed stare even if it wasn’t hard, it was more about principle than anything but Bakugo blatantly ignored him.

“Come on nerd, you wouldn’t f**king stop asking questions when I told you to,”

Midoryia’s voice came out quietly, “That’s different,”

“How?”

“Because it was us,”

“So?”

“We’ve basically known each other since we were born. I want to talk to you about it, I want us to sort it out, not having to-I don’t want to go back to middle school again, I did it last night in front of mum and Aunt Mitsuki and I- I don’t-“

“Fucking hell, you nerd,” Bakugo snapped, the thin string of patience breaking, “if you’re so insecure, fine.” He turned to Aizawa who had been doing his best to not interrupt, to try and blend into the chair he was sitting on, “I was f**king-“

“Kacchan-“

“Goddamit Deku- I f**king-I’d make fun of him, threaten him, break his stuff, remind him on a daily basis that he was useless.” Aizawa thought he could pick up on the guilt in voice that he was trying to hide, was he trying to hide it because he thought it was weak?

“So it was all verbal?” Aizawa didn’t believe that for a second,

“No. if you want proof just pull up his sleeve, there’s a scar there,” he spoke like he was trying to be dismissive but the regret in his time wasn’t so easily hidden.

It still shocked him that it was Bakugo telling him this so willingly, because it was serious and he was going to face the consequences for it, he already had anger management ticked off as a must have, but depending on how much worse this got, suspension was definitely on the cards.

Hearing what Bakugo had done to Midoryia made him angry, of course, but it wasn’t about him and how he felt right now, it was about the clearly messed up relationship between them.

He wasn’t sure why Bakugo was saying it all now, he assumed out of guilt. From what he gathered, Miodryia and Bakugo had talked about it last night, coupled with the fact he’d been having dreams about the League and thinking he was villain? It all fell perfectly into place.

And though he was annoyed, disappointed, he was impressed with the growth and maturity he was exhibiting, this was a far cry from what he was like at the start of the year, and even further one from what he was like in middle school apparently.

“Is that why you flinch around him Midoryia?”

He already knew the answer, but he wanted confirmation,

“I’m not afraid of him anymore. I think a lot of it’s just reflexes.”

“Is that not basically the same thing?”

“Not to me.”

He didn’t know how to respond to that.

“Okay,” he said, they both looked unbelievably uncomfortable again and they had good reason to be, but he figured when Midoryia started talking back, voice almost snapping, it was time to take a break. He didn’t want to push them too hard, he wanted them to be able to come back to him if they needed to talk about something and pushing past a point they were comfortable with just wasn’t worth it.

“Okay,” he sighed, leaning back, “I’m going to be honest that was a lot more than I expected but honestly it was stupid of me to assume otherwise. I need to think on some things more but I do have a few conclusions,” he didn’t pause for built up, he didn’t care for dramatics like that, “Both of you will be going to see the counsellor twice a week, once alone, once together, you can work out your individual problems and your ones with each other,”

“I don’t need some fu-“

“Bakugo, I’d advise you to stop talking now, I'm angry at you, I know this was before UA but I expected so much better of a future hero, Because of that you will also be attending anger management classes, and you will be suspended for the next three days, and detention for as long as I deem necessary.” When he opened his mouth to argue Aizawa spoke first, “I don’t care if it cuts into your training time. You’re clearly remorseful and willing to admit the things you did were wrong but if I see anything that could be harming Midoryia or another student negatively, If I hear the likes of anything like this specifically again, I won’t hesitate to suspend you again, if needs be I will expel you.”

He was going to have to talk about this with All Might as well, he was basically Miodryia’s father so if he didn’t want to talk to him, he was sure the kid would’ve told Toshinori something more,

“Bakugo? Do you understand?”

“Yes, I fucking understand I’m not five years old,”

“Midoryia?”

“Yes sir.”

And then after what felt like forever and wow, he was tired, they were back to silence again apart from the soft padding of Cookie’s paws as he made his way back across the table from Midoryia to Bakugo, back to the natural heater.

“Are we going back to class now or?...”

“No there’s practically a buzzing energy between you too, if we went back to class now Kaminari would short circuit.”

That wasn’t even a joke. Aizawa didn’t do jokes. He also felt slightly betrayed by his cat.

“Neither of you drank your hot chocolate, I wasted that milk for nothing, Nezu is going to be pissed,”

“Oh, sorry,” Midoryia seemed to realise the cold mug of not so hot chocolate sitting on the table in front of him, “I forget it was there,”

“It’s fine, makes sense you were distracted,”

Damn that kid’s eye looked sore, he should really see if he could drag him to see Recovery Girl but given how stubborn he was he doubted it.

In all honesty this didn’t go half as badly as he thought it would, he thought he’d have to use his quirk a lot more than he did, he thought the couch would be more scorched. He guessed it was nice to be pleasantly surprised.

That was until there was a knock on the door, “Oi, Eraser,”

Urgh, why was Present Mic so loud? All the time?

The door burst open before he could even respond and for half a second his confused gaze flicked between the three of them, plus Cookies.

“Okay, I’m not going to ask, so Hi guys how are you all? Why are you all in the Staff room? Why did you show them Cookie?”

Yes, Present Mic, the walking contradiction. Perfect, or actually maybe he was, and not sarcastically, he knew how to drag tension out of any situation. Of all the pro’s that could’ve walked in, it was probably a blessing it was Present Mic because Aizawa was aware that he just made awkward situations more awkward and neither Bakugo or Miodryia were good with social interaction.

“None of your business, Mic,”

Being the responsible adult and pro hero, he was he stuck his tongue out in response. Aizawa rolled his eyes, and then Mic moved toward the counter, pulling open the fridge and-

“Who drank the last of milk?”

Goddammit how could he get even louder?

Chapter Text

It was mostly Aizawa talking as they walked back to the classroom, he told Bakugo he was going to have to call his mum, which Bakugo wasn’t happy about but didn’t argue against, so he’d talk to her later, and explain what was going on and hopefully she’d understand. From meeting Mitsuki he understood she wasn’t the most agreeable people on earth and it was obvious where Bakugo got a lot of his traits from. Despite that, he hoped it would go well, and if she said anything like she did on the house visit about Katsuki being kidnapped for being weak then he was going to tell her exactly what he thought. But he decided he shouldn’t mention that to Bakugo. He was mentally preparing himself for that phone call and meeting later but now his attention was being drawn by something else.

It wasn’t until they turned down the hallway that the noise coming from the classroom hit them like a wave.

Considering the noise level usually Aizawa would pin the blame on Bakugo and whatever kid had triggered his wrath, usually Midoryia, but they were both here. Standing beside him. Looking just as confused as he felt.

He frowned, taking five minutes to let everything cool down again his ass, that was wishful thinking.

He noticed Miodryia cringe as a higher voice broke in amongst the rest, it wasn’t quite shouting but it was definitely louder than speaking level, and louder than the silence he left them in.

“That sounds like Uraraka,” Midoryia said, in a tone that make it sound like he was hoping it wasn’t.

Then another voice and at his side he felt Bakugo tense. “And that sounded like Dunce Face."

So Uraraka and Kaminari were…arguing? Apart from their respective friend groups he couldn't think of anything they could be arguing over, and if they were fighting over Bakugo and Midoryia he thought it would be more likely Kirishima arguing on Bakugo's side. Maybe he'd underestimated how close Bakugo was to the rest of his friends as well. 

"Stupid fucking idiot." Bakugo continued and then stormed into the room pushing the door open so violently it bashed against the back wall before Aizawa could react. Tell him to try to not break the door.

But he must have heard something Aizawa didn't.

He glanced to Problem Child no.1 to see if he shared his confusion but he was already making fast tracks to follow Bakugo.

"I swear to fuck Earphones if you fucking say a word,'

Coming into the classroom he was surprised to see Bakugo already at Jirou’s desk, yelling at her over Midoryia’s shoulder who stood resolutely between them, hands up in a mixture of preparedness and surrender.

"Kacchan calm down, she won't say anything."

He didn't calm down and Aizawa internally sighed preparing himself to have to intervene, but then Bakugo did step back slightly, voice lowering like they weren't meant to hear the next part. "Shit Deku, do you really want them to know?"

"No of course not, but Jirou would never say anything." His voice sounded hopeful but he turned to her with pleading eyes. "Right?"

She sighed sinking back in her seat and impressively managing to keep up the cool façade in spite of the mess in front of her.

"Don't worry about it Midoryia, I barely heard anything anyway, but it was these dumbasses who kept pushing it."

She gestured to the unlikely trio beside her, Kaminari, who had Kirishima’s arm angrily clamped around his shoulder with his other hand on Uraraka’s shoulder. He was obviously trying to keep them in place or pull them back and the possibility that they’d been arguing the same thing was a lot more logical. He sigh. they were both trying to see if Jirou had overheard anything and see if she would tell them.

"Hey," Kirishima said and Aizawa could almost read the betrayal on Bakugo’s face, fists tightening at his sides, but then he continued. "I never said anything, I was just trying to get these two to back off,"

Hurt flitted across Midoryia’s face a swell as his eyes met Uraraka's and she wilted, looking to the ground.

Someone needed to stop this mess.

Oh, shit right. He was the teacher.

He was the one who had to stop it,

"Did anyone else apart from Kirishima step in.” He said, letting some mild irritation seep into his voice. He thought the kids would be more mature than this. He thought they might understand the impotance of privacy, or at least sticking up for people who wanted it. “Did anyone try to tell them what they were doing was wrong?"

No one answered for a second but then Kirishima spoke up again, "Momo, Tsu and Shoji, probably Koda to but you know."

Aizawa sighed, resisting the urge to just crawl into his sleeping bag and not wake up until tomorrow.

"So the rest of you didn't partake but didn't intervene?"

The class was silent.

"Is it heroic to see something wrong happening but do nothing?"

"We were only asking her to-"

"To eavesdrop and tell you something that is clearly private which Bakugo and Miodryia don't want you involved in?"

Uraraka actually responded and it wasn’t the way he expected her to. "How Bakugo treats Deku, or everyone else isn’t very heroic either, especially in the past few weeks.”

She looked determined and he understood. He didn’t like seeing Midoryia hurt either. He hated hearing what it was like for him in middle school. He wanted to make sure it never happened again but what she was doing wasn’t the way to do it, she’s more likely destroying any trust he had in her. “Why does he get a free pass to-"

"He doesn't." Aizawa snapped, cutting her of, her defence of her friend was admirable, she obviously cared a lot but if Midoryia wanted her to know he would tell her in his own time. And while she wasn't wrong about Bakugo’s behaviour (no he wasn't just getting a free pass, not with the detention and threat of suspension looming over him) but Aizawa had to admit, his recent behaviour the past week or so, had an explanation now, one that made sense, and he was already suffering a lot for it.

The image of Bakugo sitting in front of him, shoulders slumped, face cracked, broken yet still grasping for the mask of anger, flashed in front of his eyes again. Of course, Bakugo wouldn’t want them to know that, to see him like that.

“Don’t undermine my authority because you feel sorry for your friends.” He continued. “Midoryia will tell you when he feels comfortable. I expected more out of you Uraraka.”

He turned to face Kaminari prepared to give him a lecture on respecting people’s privacy but Bakugo beat him to it.

He knocked his arm, pushing him back into Kirishima’s chest as he stomped past him to his seat.

“This is why I fucking prefer Shitty Hair, asshole.”

And Aizawa couldn’t bring himself to tell Bakugo off for that, everyone had their secrets, hell Aizawa had his fair share of his and if people he trusted as a friend tried to find out things behind his back he’d be pissed as well.

But there was only so much he could do, and he felt Bakugo and Midoryia probably just wanted to get back to normal class as quickly as possible and that was the least he could do.

“Kaminari, Uraraka sit down.”

They both went back to their respective seats and Miodryia shuffled quietly over to his own behind Bakugo and pulled his books out of his bag. The room was silent.

“Okay, hero law, open your books to page three hundred and forty nine.”

And just like that, class was back to normal apart from the tension that hung low over the air.

xxxx

It was the start of lunch when he finally managed to catch Earphones alone. Which in his opinion, was way too fucking long and gave her way too much time to tell anyone anything. He'd wanted to talk to her all day, make sure she wouldn't fucking say anything but it still too way too much effort to keep his hands from shaking at the thought of him telling Aizawa and he hadn't worked out one hundred percent what he would do if she had overheard anything.

In a way he hadn't been expecting to he felt... Lighter, like a weight that had been pressing on his chest, making every breath difficult was finally gone. He hadn't even had the intention of telling Aizawa about the roof incident but it had been hanging over his head since Deku avoided it last night and it just came out. Aizawa asked and he had answered. And he deserved what he got because that was shit move.

If what the dream made him fucking feel was because of a fucking dream if it ever happened in real life... He didn't want to think about that.

But he felt lighter better. Aizawa... Didn't think he was a villain, he didn't realise how much of a relief it would be to hear until he heard it and then he went and started crying and made himself look like a fucking idiot.

But that didn't matter.

Right now, he had to make sure Earphones didn't hear anything and wouldn't go spreading it.

Yes, okay he could admit it was creepy waiting for her to come out of the bathrooms after making sure no one else is in the hall but he wanted to speak to her alone.

He internally rolled his eyes at his own reasoning. That didn't make it sound any less fucking creepy but here he was anyway.

"Oi, Earphones."

She practically walked straight into him and instantly jumped back, and internally he thanked her for it. He was hardly going to be the one to step away and back down but having her so close was uncomfortable.

"Bakugo? What do you want?" 

She didn't sound nervous, though to be fair, she never did, she always had a calm, cool, collected, couldn't care less air around her that Katsuki guessed he could respect.

"What the fuck did you hear earlier?"

It came of more aggressive than he intended but he was hardly going to take it back, it got the point across. He was pissed at Round Face and Sparky and their fucking Deku-like need to get involved in stuff they didn't need to.

Jirou had the audacity to look confused for a few seconds before realisation dawned on her face,

“Barely anything, I promise. Only when you were yelling.”

He didn’t respond waiting for her to continue.

“About you saying he was really arrogant or something? But that’s it. And by the way, I know its not my place and I don’t want to get involved in whatever shit is going on between you and Midoryia but he’s not remotely arrogant, you should take a look at yourself before pinning that on others. Especially him.”

Great, it was nice how she said she knew it wasn’t her fucking place but still decided to give her opinion anyway. They were sorting it out, telling people, talking about it. The last fucking thing he needs is advice from someone who eavesdropped on them.

He wanted to snap something at her and walk away to join Kirishima in the canteen and get some food because he hadn’t eaten breakfast and he finally felt like he could stomach something but he was here for a reason and it wasn’t to yell at her.

“Are you sure that’s all you heard?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know why I’d lie about it.”

Her complete indifference to him was something he wasn’t used to.

“You can’t tell anyone,”

It was like those words had sobered her up, the bored expression had left her face and her eyebrows her pinched together. She stood up a little straighter. “I wouldn’t, even if I did hear something important. I thought it was wrong for Uraraka and Kaminari to push like that. Kirishima was right in telling them to sit down and shut up.”

That sounded like the least Kirishima like thing he could imagine.

“Did he actually fucking say that?”

“Not in those words, he was nicer about it.”

That made more sense.

She moved to step around him and his gaze followed her, she paused for a second. “What?”

He scowled. “Nothing. Go eat your fucking lunch or whatever.”

“Okay, good luck with Midoryia I guess.”

And then she continued walking down the hall, unfazed, his gaze followed her till she disappeared around the corner and he released a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding.

She didn’t hear anything, she couldn’t say anything. Of course she could’ve been lying and he wasn’t one hundred percent sure why but he trusted her, she didn’t seem like the type of person that would lie to him for no reason. He ignored the good luck comment at the end as well, like he needed luck.

Footsteps at the end of the hallway drew his gaze and shit you know what? Maybe he did need some luck because it just had to be fucking Pink Cheeks and Icy Hot.

Why weren’t they in the canteen with four eyes and Deku? When did they become so buddy-buddy?

He knew Todoroki had joined their little group but he never imagined those two being friends. And goddammit now they were walking toward him and he knew Aizawa was being serious when he said he’d suspend him and he already knew he was on thin fucking ice but he couldn’t guarantee being able to hold back the explosions if Icy Hot said anything. His palms felt too hot already, the hallway felt a little too small, like he was a trapped animal, caught between pride and getting out of an uncomfortable situation because yes, he had been feeling guilty but as they got closer it was getting harder to breathe again.

Fucking shit. Calm the hell down.

He forced his breath to come out slower but the scowl on his face didn’t need any prompting when Round Face opened her mouth.

“Look, I’m sorry about earlier.”

He’ll admit that wasn’t what he was expecting, he almost smirked when he noticed Todoroki’s expression. It wasn’t happy.

“It wasn’t my place to try and eavesdrop.”

Although she was apologising which he really didn’t need, she still has the determined and protective energy around her.

And as much as it pissed him of to admit, he did respect her. From how she fought in the Sports Festival, to how she did confront him and keeps confronting him. He thought maybe that if her and Deku weren’t close friends they could’ve been, or at least friendlier than they were now. She had drive and did whatever it took, he understood that. It just sucked that she was wasting it on Deku who probably thought she was fragile just like everyone else,

“But,” she continued and here it was the part he expected. “I’m not taking back what I said earlier, I feel bad for breaking Deku’s trust, not yours.” Her expression got angry as she continued. Shoulders squaring, cheeks puffing out in indignant rage. “But it's not fair for you to treat him that way, he hasn’t told me everything but I can tell.”

“Good for you,” he snapped. “It’s still none of your fucking business.”

Uraraka glared at him but didn’t respond, nudging Todoroki with her elbow, prompting him to speak. He didn’t want Icy Hot to speak, he didn’t want him to open his damn mouth.

“Mr Aizawa said I should apologise to you but I want you to know that it’s not remotely of my own volition.”

“Fucking good. I don’t want your apology.”

“Good,”

He expected them to move on just like Earphone’s did but they didn’t and he had no idea what the fuck they wanted from him. An Apology? Like hell that was going to happen, and almost as if to prove it Todoroki started again.

“Don’t hurt Midoryia again.”

“I wasn’t planning to.”

“You think I haven’t heard that before?”

He hated Todoroki, but honestly fuck Endeavour. He didn’t need to hear anything else to know Icy Hot was indirectly referencing his father.

He wasn’t going to be compared to that fucker. Not now, not ever, even like this.

“Don’t take your Daddy issues out on me Icy Hot.”

That was a low blow and he knew it but he was done, he was out. He was hungry and only just realised he hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday. He wanted to go to the canteen, he wanted food, he didn’t want to stand here and be lectured when he’d already done what everyone wanted him too, when he’d already talked to Aizawa.

Todoroki stepped forward, expression unreadable, but Round Face grabbed his arm, holding him back. “Leave it Todoroki,”

He glared at them both for a second before rolling his eyes and biting his tongue.

He turned around, flipping them off over his shoulder and continued down the hall towards the canteen.

When he got there, he first noticed Deku’s mess of green hair. He was sitting with Engine Legs and for a few seconds they met eyes and the lack of anger welling inside him and the understanding in Deku’s eyes was weird. He nodded and Bakugo found himself raising his chin in response.

Then he spotted Kirishima on the opposite side of the room and his shitty red hair that stood out amongst the crowd. But he was sitting with Pinky and Tape Arms. And fucking Kaminari.

He thought that if anyone was going to have his back earlier it would be them, because they knew him. Because they knew what he was like and knew he didn’t like talking but still thought it would be a great fucking idea to try and get inside his head.

He still dragged his feet to the table, and lowered himself next to Kirishima, a glare fixed on his face and he doesn’t say anything, and nobody expects him to, but he can feel Kaminari’s gaze on the side of his head, and the comforting bump on the shoulder from Kirishima greeting him as he sits. Mina chirps Hey Blasty and Sero keeps laughing at the joke she just made and he just sits there. With them, and feels a little better.

Then Kaminari speaks, interrupting the comfortable banter.

“Look man, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, or invade your privacy, I’m just a nosy person.”

Katsuki felt his hands tighten at his sides, but tuned to look at him, trying not let his expression become readable.

“It could’ve been anyone, it wouldn’t just be you, but it still wasn't right so I’m sorry.”

The table was deadly silent and Katsuki felt his stomach turn. He didn’t trust a lot of people but he did trust Kaminari, even if he’d never admit it.

And the fucker had blown it.

Chapter Text

“Dude?”

Katsuki kept his hands clenched in fists hidden under the table. They were getting too hot too quickly and yes, it was burning slightly in his palms, but Aizawa would fucking expel him if he blew up again. He wondered if it would be worth it just to knock the look of Kaminari’s face.

“Engage your fucking dead brain for once asshole and shut the fuck up. ” He was making a conscious effort not to shout, to keep his voice a low growl.

“Bakugo he’s just trying to apologi-“

Of course he was just trying to apologise, apparently everyone was able to apologise except him.  The whole apology situation was making him feel weirdly guilty and also inferior and it pissed him the hell off. Besides Kaminari wouldn’t even have to apologise if he had never done anything in the first place.

“And a fucking hour ago he was being an asshole so fucking what?”

Mina leant back at his tone, eyebrows pulling together, but he couldn’t make himself stop now. Coming and sitting with them so soon after was a terrible idea. He only wanted a sense of normality and he had been willing to put up with Kaminari’s face but they had to ruin it.

“Why the fuck are you guys even sitting here? So you can fucking ask me what happened?”

He was vaguely aware that his voice was gradually getting louder and gradually more people were looking their way but this was hardly the first time he’d yelled in the canteen.

“You can all fuck off!” He didn’t know whether he was talking to the people staring or his fucking so called friends but did it even matter?

This was a mistake. He shouldn't have sat with them, he should’ve let things cool down.

He pushed up roughly from the table, rattling the cutlery and the plates as he did so and turned quickly, hands still squeezed tightly shut as he made his way tot the door of the canteen ignoring Sparky’s voice behind him.

“Hey, wait Bakugo I’m sorry-“

“Dude, just give him some time, talk to him again tomorrow.”

He couldn’t make out whether that was Kirishima or Sero but he appreciated it all the same. On the way out of the canteen he met eyes with Round Face who was sitting opposite Deku. Her bright smile faded slightly when she looked at him and he scowled right back and held her gaze till she looked away, back to the conversation with Deku.

Ha. He won.

But on the downside, he wasn’t sure what he was meant to do for the rest of lunch, he’d already been confronted by Round Face and Icy Hot. He’d got angry with his friends. Maybe he could go train? What else could he cross of the fucking checklist of how this day could get worse.

xxx

This was one of the only times he wanted to be wrong. But the day was gonna get so much fucking worse.

 He heard her before he saw her. Her voice was so damn loud and high pitched that it would've been impossible to miss even if it hadn't been drilled into his head for the last sixteen years.

And then the soft spoken ‘calm down’ that was almost just as familiar.

His stomach dropped. It made sense Aizawa would call them, it was actually more stupid of him to assume otherwise.

But was Aizawa just going to talk to his mum and Aunt Inko or were he and Deku going to be dragged into it again? He didn't know what he would've preffered, the last thing he wanted was to be dragged to sit in a room again and made to talk about his feeling but he also didn't want to miss it, didn't want any miss information to be spread when he wasn't there to correct it.

And speaking of the bastard, he'd have to find Deku. He was probably making his way back to the classroom from where he last saw him. God, he interacted with Deku more in the past day than he had most of the year and he hated every single second of it. His guard had never felt so low, he felt as if he had been bulldozed over and had to build himself back up again.

Pathetic.

The halls were pretty empty, a few people milling around here and there but they all moved out of his way as he stalked down the hall. They could probably feel the anger radiating of him. The everything radiating of him. He didn't even know anymore but anger was what he was best at, the feeling of sparks at his fingertips, so he that's was he went with. On turning the corner to the hall their class was in, he found out he was right.

The nerd was standing there oblivious to the hag down the hall and looking so fucking happy about it. Goddamit. Why the hell did he smile so much? What the fuck was there to smile about today?

"Oi, Deku."

He tried to keep his tone neutral, friendly even, but judging by Deku's reaction it didn't work.

The smile didn't disappear from his face but the corners fell. 

"Oh, hi Kacch-"

He kept his pace normal so it didn't look like he was internally freaking out and grabbed the front of Deku's shirt, purposefully not letting his palms spark. He didn't want to ruin another one of his shirts, even if only because it meant Inko would have to get a new one. They were by no means poor, but they didn't have money to throw at stupid things they didn't need like shirts that Katsuki had burnt. Probably because most of Aunt Inko's income was spent on Deku's fucking All Might obsession that was borderline stalkerish. But whatever. They were both in the same boat for this. 

Katsuki dragged him away from Iida, not giving either of them time to react. The idiot stumbled over his own feet at the force, twisting himself to try and move with him more comfortably.

"Wait, Kacchan you can't just-"

The corner he turned down led into the smaller empty hallway.

He let go of him, taking a step back and running a hand through his hair.

"Kacchan what do you want? you could've just aske-"

"Aizawa called our mums in, I just thought you'd like to know. If you're going to be a little bitch about then it doesn't matter." That wasn't what he'd meant to say. f Deku saying him flinching away from Katsuki was just reflex now, Katsuki was pretty sure he could say the same thing about why how he spoke to Deku. It was familiar, natural, at this point.

"No, I never-" he sighed. "Why wouldn't you just tell me? Now Iida's going to think-"

"What Four Eyes thinks doesn't matter. What do you want to do about it?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Why do we have to do anything? Aizawa is going to talk to them and-"

"You know what she's like, she's going to drag us in."

"Being dragged places." He fixed the front of his shirt, smoothing out the rumpled fabric, irritation clear in his voice. "I don't know what that's like."

Okay, so he shouldn't have grabbed him, but he didn't want a whole Godamn lecture from Iida about how he was acting earlier or what happened in the classroom. This was just the fastest way of getting Deku by himself. 

Katsuki snapped his glare from the floor to Deku. And what? after this morning did he finally grow a pair, and decide now was the time to talk back to him?

What the fuck was wrong with him, sometimes he'd stand up, sometimes he'd back down. Why couldn't he just make up his mid and stick to it?

"What the hell Deku?"

"What?"

"You spend your time fucking crying about middle school and now you're being a smart ass, what gives?"

"Sometimes I just blurt out things without thinking, sorry. It's like my muttering but just...less of it,"

Was that enough of an answer? He didn't know.

"I think we're both on the same page now." He continued and Katsuki decided that yes, the first sentence was enough of a fucking answer if it meant Deku would've stopped talking after it. "After talking earlier, I guess I feel more comfortable around you now we've talked about stuff instead of just ignoring it? And I don't want you to think I'm afraid of you. I'm not."

And when they met eyes, Deku kept his gaze firmly matched with Katsuki. 

"Shut the fuck up Deku."

Deku gave him a weird look then. One of the analytical ones that was studying him like he was some kind of specimen in a jar, usually it meant muttering would come but this time he was wrong, 

"Kacchan, it's our mums, what are you so afraid off?"

So apparently he was the only one that had a fucking issue with this? Deku could stay all calm cool and collected.

Deku.

Deku.

But he was overly aware of his own heartbeat and the low roaring in his ears,

"I'm not afraid," he snapped.

That was a pretty weak line considering everything that Deku had witnessed the past day. The silence only lasted half a second before Deku decided he couldn't keep his mouth shut any longer

"Hey Kacchan?"

Fuuuuucckk when Deku started sentences like that it never meant anything good. 

"You know the way you said you were," he hesitated, "weak, for being taken?"

His jaw tightened. "what?"

His palms were beginning to get uncomfortably warm and he had to suck in a deep breath to stop the sparks from erupting. He couldn't blow up here. He wasn't a villain. The words were like a mantra on repeat in his head now, and they were Aizawa's voice not something he would ever admit out loud.

"It's just, I heard Aunt Mitsuki say something similar and I don't want you to think that because she told you so."

"What the fuck does it have to do with you?"

"Nothing, I guess, I just wanted to point it out.”

He snorted but not out of humour, although there was something bitterly funny about the whole situation,

“This is so fucking stupid.”

“It’s important,”

“And stupid,” he paused for a second. “Did Round Face say anything to you?”

Yes he knew he was completely swerving the situation, no he didn’t care. And the look of confusion on Deku’s face at the change of pace gave him some kind of satisfaction.

“Um No? Apart from asking about my face and apologising for earlier?”

“And you forgave her?”

“Yes?”

Shit. Why was Deku such a good fucking person who could accept apologies? Why did other people find say sorry so easily?

He needed to stop, he needed to get back to point he had grabbed Deku to talk about in the first place.

“Look, anyway-“

And it was just perfect that Iida came around the corner, arms already ready up and prepared to chop through the air like an idiot who couldn’t make a point while standing still.

“Are you two fighting?”

He thought he almost heard Deku sigh, that would signal the end of the world right? Deku being tired of one of his friends. He almost laughed.

“No, Iida, it’s fine I promise,” Maybe he was wrong because Deku's voice still held the same upbeat happy tone as always. It was annoying.

Iida glanced between them, unconvinced. But this time Deku was right, they weren't fighting. Which was weird. 

But he was talking to Deku right now and really, really didn’t need Glasses intervention to tell him what he was doing wrong.

“What do you want Four Eyes?”

“Kacchan.” He ignored Deku’s mild scolding, rolling his eyes and taking in deep breath and replaying the conversation with Aizawa from earlier, letting the guilt spring back up so he wouldn't hit him or push or something.

“Mr Aizawa said he wants you to go to the principles office in ten minutes. Don’t be late,”

The Principles office. Oh, for Fucks sake. He didn’t want anyone else to get involved, was that so difficult to understand? He didn’t want more people to know than they had too. He didn’t want more people to know how fucking weak he was.

So far throughout the day he’d been managing to push the thoughts he didn’t want to deal with down. There was so much shit going down to do with it that ironically it made it a little easier to ignore because he was able to vent. There were a lot of people to vent at about stupid things. He could yell at someone for sharpening their pencil and being too loud and yeah, he wouldn’t really care but he could yell and say it was annoying and he’d feel a little better. Not healthy sure but better than another break down or blowing up on someone. Actually getting some sleep last night probably helped, even if the nightmare still made him feel sick to think about and he had to glance over his shoulder just to check Deku was still there.

And Aizawa said he wasn’t a villain and he was making a goddamn effort not to yell at Iida and not to shove Deku into the wall and just walk past him. And he was succeeding, and that also made him feel a little better even if the anger was still swarming inside him.

“We won’t be,” he glanced back to Deku. He wasn’t afraid, that was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard, “Come on. We’re gonna go now.”

He grabbed Deku’s arm shoving and spun him, pushing him down the hall and Deku didn’t protest apart from sending an awkward smile to Iida over him shoulder and mildly curling away from Katsuki’s touch.

“Kacchan-“

“No.”

If he fucking wanted to keep up the whole not shoving him into a wall thing Deku would have to stop talking.

xxx

The wait outside the office was awkward, he tried to start conversation… a couple of times actually before Kacchan shut him down every time. So eventually he just left it. Because Kacchan seemed more... subdued wasn’t the right word, conscious in his attempts not to blow him up? That seemed more appropriate. Yes, Kacchan had grabbed him but his shirt wasn’t singed, yes he’d insulted him but he hadn’t yelled and those were wins in Deku’s book.

It was mildly disconcerting sitting next to him but not being insulted. Not that he was complaining, it was nice actually. But the atmosphere was just awkward. He wanted to say something to break it but he knew he wouldn’t be allowed to.

Maybe now he understood Kacchan’s reluctance to talk to their parents. The more he thought about it, the more it made him uncomfortable. Having to talk to his mum again after she knew everything, or almost everything,.

Oh crap.

He froze. His stomach dropping to his feet.

“Kacchan-“

“Fuck, Deku." he groaned. "If I have to fucking tell you one mo-“

“No I just-,” he licked his lips, fixing his eyes on the ground. “Do you think he’s going to tell them about the roof?”

He felt Kacchan tense up beside him and then eyes on the side of his head.

“No,” he said finally although he didn’t sound as if he quite believed it either, “The old man wouldn’t.”

He sucked in a shaky breath, making a conscious effort not to mutter out all the possibilities of how many ways this could go, how his mum and Aunt Mitsuki would react if they were to know what really happened, how they were going to react anyway-

“Shut. Up.”

Oh. Whoops.

“Sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry.”

“Okay I-“

His sentence was interrupted again but this time it  wasn’t by Kacchan. The door to the office beside them opened with a click.

And to his surprise it was All Might not Nezu. Despite personally knowing All Might for months and knowing Kacchan would make fun of him if he knew, any time he saw All Might he still felt a rush of adrenaline at meeting his hero. At being picked by him and then the stubborn unmoving fear that he wasn’t good enough  that sounded suspiciously like Kacchan’s voice in his head but he ignored that.

“All Might!” he said, some of the surprise creeping into his voice. He could practically feel Kacchan rolling his eyes behind him.

But All Might didn’t smile back to him, just frowned slightly, eyes shifting to Kacchan.

“Come on in boys, I think we’ve got a lot to talk about.”

He didn’t even realise he was frowning until All Might met eyes with him again and then smiled.

“No need to worry, come on.”

They both entered the room at his ushering.

The first thing he noticed was that Nezu wasn’t there. The second thing he noticed was that Aizawa had taken Nezu’s seat and was sitting behind the desk, hair pulled up into a low hanging ponytail that pulled the black strands out of his face.

The third thing he noticed was His mum and Aunt Mitsuki sitting on the chairs opposite him. The looks on their faces equally angry and disappointed.

He could hear his heart in his ears. The tension in the room was almost pulsing, palpable. He could practically feel the rage and guilt emanating of Kacchan as he eyes laser focused on Auntie’s shoulder that was covered with a big gauze.

"Back at it again, Katsuki." Mitsuki said breaking the silence, not even looking in Izuku’s direction. Her voice sounded like posion. “Doing what you do best and causing trouble for other people,"

The scowl on Kacchan's face deepened and Izuku noticed the movement as Kacchan wound a loose piece of string around his finger before unraveling it. He wanted to say something, to ask if he was okay but he stopped himself. He'd known Kacchan for years but only realised in the past month what had always set him off the most. So, he held down the words he could feel clawing their way up his throat.

“I mean no offence Mrs Bakugo, but I want this to be a calm discussion between mature adults about your children. Remarks like that are not helpful and ultimately untrue.”

He was used to Aizawa sounding bored, or uninterested or annoyed, especially when peopled messed around in class but his voice was straight up ice right now. Cold and sharp and unforgiving.

Mitsuki shifted her gaze from Kacchan to Aizawa but the flames weren’t doused, “Of course. I apologise. I just thought that having to have burn cream and bandages because my son used his quirk against me was good enough reason to be annoyed.”

“Mitsuki, Clam down.”

And there it was. His mum. The voice of reason, or so he hoped as long as she didn’t get to worked up and cry although to be fair, he couldn’t promise he wouldn’t do that either so it would be a surprise for both of them.

“Okay.” Aizawa began, leaning forward, elbows rested on the table and Izuku sank into one of the other two empty seats, Kacchan slumped down beside him.

“Bakugo told me this morning that you discussed what had happened between them. They came to me earlier and I think it’s important to talk to you about it,” he glanced at Mitsuki. “And I have an explanation to why he blew up on you last night,”

Aunt Mitsuki laughed at that but it was bitter and his mum placed a soft hand on her arm, that did nothing to stop the acidic sound. “It better be a good one.”

“It is.”

“Then lay it all on me, tell me why he’s being more of a brat than usual.”

Kacchan released a breath beside him, still curling the string around his finger, heat was practically radiating of him. He just hoped he didn’t explode,

“Bakugo has been having nightmares, losing sleep. Last night when you apparently grabbed him by the neck, knowing his situation with the villains, his body reacted by itself. Grabbing him by his neck like that reminded him of his time with the league. You triggered a flashback.”

“Nightmares?” Mitsuki said, disbelief evident, then she laughed again and Izuku felt sick. He could see the expression on his mum's face fall, eye wide and filled with pity aimed toward Kacchan, All Might’s disappointed, and angry? It wasn’t an expression he would pin to him often,

“Katsuki isn't having nightmares.”

It was never easy to get Aunt Mitsuki to listen to anyone. Once she had her mind set on something she stuck to it like glue. Kacchan tended to do the same thing . That was part of the problem he guessed, they were both too stubborn for their own good. Although he couldn’t really say anything because if he was being completely honest he knew he was stubborn as well. All Might told him that enough times. But all that meant was that as much as he liked Aunt Mitsuki he was going to argue back. Either that or Kacchan would start shouting and then Aunt Mitsuki would start shouting and it would spiral out from here.

"He's been living in the dorms, how would you know?"

He tried to keep his voice light and friendly but even in his own ears it sounded to irritated.

"Because he's Katsuki, he's only ever stupidly stubborn about stuff. If he doesn't want to let it get to him it won't."

Deku couldn't count how many times he wished that would work when he was younger.

Just don’t think about it and being useless won't hurt as much.

Just hide the bruise with long sleeved t-shirt. Forget Kacchan put it there.

It never worked.

"You know that's not how it works Auntie."

She frowned. "Okay then, he’s using it as an excuse to hurt people, to hurt me."

"It wasn't on purpose," Izuku mumbled.

"What and neither were the things he did to you? Look at yourself in the mirror Izuku."

His insides clenched. Maybe he just should've gone to Recovery Girl, even if it ended up wth him getting kicked out of the infirmary for good. At least the next injury he didn't get healed from would only draw attention to him and not Kacchan.

But All Might had told him before that he was stubborn.

 And if there was one thing, he was going to be stubborn about right now it was this.

Chapter Text

“Kacchan would never hurt you intentionally Auntie.”

He wouldn’t, not now, not ever, because that wasn’t what he was like. Sure, he had pushed Deku around but the difference was that he hated him, he thought he was weaker than him. His mum? His own family? That was different story entirely and he’d seen Kacchan get pissed when Endeavour was mentioned or on TV. He didn’t know how Kacchan would’ve known about how Endeavour treated Todoroki but he was pretty clear that even though he hated Todoroki, he hated Endeavour more. And the three of them all had some mild respect for each other over that.

He’d never hurt his family. He didn’t understand why Aunt Mitsuki was so reluctant to understand that.

“Izuku,” She was talking to him like he was a five-year-old. “You have a black eye. He hit you and gave you a black eye.” She gave Kacchan a rueful stare. “And not for the first time either.”

“I know, but this is differen-“ Frustration mounted as he was interrupted. Again.

“You two used to be friends and I understand that but he is not going to get away with being a goddamn asshole for no reason.”

“Except, Mrs Bakugo,” All Might interrupted. “As we’ve already explained there is a reason. You are just refusing to listen to it,”

“If something was really wrong with him, he would’ve told me.”

“Would he? There's a reason Bakugo hadn't told anyone. You can kid yourself all you want but All Might and myself both saw how you treated him after Kamino. I don't think calling your son weak for being kidnapped is a way to get your child to talk about their feeling, especially not one as prideful as Bakugo."

So Izuku wasn’t the only one that had heard that, and that meant she had said it more than once. Izuku knew how much words could have an effect on someone all too well, he realised he was only just getting a glimpse into how much it probably effected Kacchan. Also, Aizawa wasn’t holding back and it made Izuku feel a little awkward sitting there. He knew he was going to be called on eventually and waiting was just painful, especially when he could feel the tension upping at every word.

"Fuck off." Izuku jumped. "I'm not fucking prideful and this has nothing to do wi-"

"Bakugo, if you weren't you would've asked for help earlier." Aizawa paused. "Although I do have to burden some of the responsibility. I should've taken matters into my own hands sooner."

Aizawa was about as blunt as people could get unless it was one of his logical ruses but this didn't feel like that so Izuku allowed himself to feel confused. He'd noticed something was off with Kacchan for a while but There was no way Aizawa could've known sooner unless-

Oh crap.

"Midoryia." At his name he felt Kacchan's eyes on him and kept his gaze firmly planted on his hands that were fisting the fabric of his trousers. "Apparently told All Might about his concerns around a week ago, this information was given to me and I didn't act on it yet. For the same reasons as you Mitsuki."

Aizawa was still speaking but all he could hear was alarm bells ringing in his ears. 

Yes, he told All Might, yes, he'd been worried, yes, he'd forgotten about it because he had told All Might after a full day of training and was exhausted and they were just talking and it had come out.

No, Kacchan wouldn't be happy to hear that. 

His tongue felt like sandpaper,

A sharp blunt pain hit his shin and he bit his lip to keep from wincing but he didn't turn to look at Kacchan. A rough kick to the shin was enough of an answer to how Kacchan felt about that.

The subsequent stomping on his foot was just unnecessary and he couldn't hold back the yelp that escaped drawing the attention of the adults in the room to them.

"Something you want to say boys?" All Might said.

And that was definitely unfair because Izuku couldn't hide anything from All Might, especially if he asked him something directly.

"No. It's fine." Kacchan said and his voice wasn't as annoyed as he thought it would be, more exasperated. At this point he wasn't surprised that Kacchan wasn't surprised, just irritated. The past few days had just been awkward and they'd talked more than they had in years. In some ways there was the weird sense of familiarity as to what they were like when they were younger, with quips and fights but being there for each other until it all went wrong. He wouldn't say it was exactly like that now but it was closer. Better.

And he wasn't scared of Kacchan anymore.

So, he stomped on his foot in response. And he could practically feel the glare on the side of his head become more heated.

"Boys," that was the first thing his mum said since they'd entered the office, her voice was soft and laced with concern, but strong enough to catch everyone's attention. "Stop acting like five-year olds and pay attention to your teachers.”

At his mums’ words he held back a sigh and swallowed anything he was planning to say to Kacchan. It felt like he did the same.

They were a weird sort of team on this he thought. Ultimately, they just wanted the same thing, for Mitsuki to understand, and to help. But as soon as she opened her mouth again it became clear they were nowhere near that conclusion yet.

The deep set feeling of disappointment washed over him again as Mitsuki turned back to Aizawa, mouth pulled into a thin line, like she'd eaten something sour.

"I don't appreciate being told how I should raise my son."

The anger radiating of her was similar to Kacchan’s, bright and hot and threatening. The only difference was that Izuku knew she wouldn't act on it but Aizawa was clearly having some kind of effect.

"Your son has been living in the dorms and under the schools care for a while now. While you know him, we do too. As do his friends and classmates, I could call Kirishima right now and he could tell you that Bakugo woke up from a nightmare last night.”

“No.” it was Kacchan who protested unsurprisingly. “No one else is fucking getting involved.”

Aizawa’s eyes drifted over the two of them in loose interest, and then back to Mitsuki.

"Would you call me weak?"

He knew Aizawa well enough at this point to know that this was going somewhere. Where? He wasn’t one hundred percent sure yet but at this point he’d blindly follow his teacher anyway so it wasn’t hard to trust that this would make sense in the end.

Mitsuki looked confused for a second then her face morphed to set determination.

"No."

"What about Present Mic or Gang Orca or Midnight?"

"Of course not,"

"All Might?"

She glanced to the walking skeleton sat on the sofa, elbows on his knees listening intently to the conversation.

"Never."

Aizawa tilted his head leaning back in his seat. "I can tell you for a fact each and everyone one of those Heroes have dealt and deal with nightmares and trauma."

His gaze drifted to Kacchan who's eyes had widened fractionally, 

"And so far, Bakugo has dealt with them with better grace than some professionals. Granted he should've told someone before it got worse but it didn't affect his school life up and he didn't lash out at anyone until something triggered it."

It wasn't often that Mitsuki was speechless but her mouth stayed clamped shut.

Kacchan’s eyes were fixed glaring on the wall over me Aizawa’s shoulder and Izuku was surprised he hasn't managed to burn holes through it yet.

The room re-entered the awkward silence.

“But none of them to the point where they hurt other people.” Mitsuki tried to reason.

“You’ve clearly never had to shake awake a hero from a nightmare then. It’s not the intention to hurt, it’s a reflex to feeling like they’re in danger.” He paused, and glanced down at the sheets of paper on the table in front of him, covered in black and blue scrawls, quickly taken notes, “At any rate this wasn’t all I called you in to talk about. The boys mentioned that they told you about their history together last night.”

A frown stretched across his mum’s face,

“Yes, Izuku told us everything.” His stomach twisted a little a that. He hadn’t told her everything, he had lightened it up, he had left the worst parts out.

If Aizawa was planning to- if he was going to- his breath hitched. He didn’t want them to know. He didn’t want his mum to worry more about him, he didn’t want Mitsuki to be more angry at Kacchan when it was clearly the last thing he needed right now, he didn’t want All Might to know- he couldn’t- they couldn’t-

“Hey Deku.” They voice at his side was just about loud enough to hear over the roaring in his ears. “Take a fucking breath,”

“But-” his voice sounded strained.

“Just trust Aizawa, he’s not going to do anything you don’t want him to.”

He managed to get himself so worked up that it took a few seconds to realise it was Kacchan who was trying to calm him down in his own round about way.

He nudged his arm again, “You fucking good nerd?”

He nodded slightly, mouth dry, eyes damp. “Yeah, yeah.”

He tuned back into Aizawa talking.

“We’re also under the understanding that Bakugo had been feeling extreme guilt over his actions in relation to Mitsuki even go as far as to think himself a villain. And I know you don’t believe me, even after this. What I said during the press conference when Katsuki was taken still stands and you still agree with me, yes?”

Mitsuki’s eyes softened slightly, and she glanced over to Kacchan running her hand up her burnt arm wrapped in layers of gauzes and bandages.

“I know that,” she snapped. “But he has a temper.”

Wonder who he got that from. Izuku decided to keep that to himself.

“Exactly, so, considering Bakugo and Miodryia’s history I have sanctioned punishments to Bakugo and both boys will have weakly meeting with the counsellors, together and apart to deal with their own issues and their shared history.”

All Might butted in. “From my understanding there was an issue in class earlier which alerted some of the students to this situation but they will be handled appropriately.”

That was good, he’d forgiven Uraraka, after all she was only trying to look out for him and that was a lot more than most people could say but it came at a bad time, and then when he asked her to stop she wouldn’t listen. That was the bigger issue, he thought, that she'd just ignored him, the same for Todoroki. Is felt slightly weird spending lunch with them, like they were treating him like glass that would break it they touched it. He wasn’t used to people treating him like he was breakable, he was more used to people trying to break him.

He thought the discussion was drawing to a close. Mitsuki was still glaring and his mum was silent and fidgeting but unless Aizawa was going to bring up specifics surely that meant-

“Mrs Midoryia.” All Might continued and Izuku trusted him, of course he did but his insides curled up at the sound of his voice. “While we’re here talking about it, Midoryia and myself have also discussed something similar to Bakugo’s situation but if young Midoryia would give me permission I’d feel happier sharing it with you.”

Did he mean the nightmares Izuku had mentioned to him? If that was the case then All Might basically just said it out loud in front of everybody- he thought that- they weren’t as bad as Kacchans, they didn’t have the same spiralling effect, but that was why he was up last night, he hadn’t lied to Kacchan exactly, he couldn’t sleep. He just didn’t specify the reason. But if All Might was going to tell him mum-

“All Might-“

“I don’t know Deku you seemed pretty fucking insistent in getting me to talk. Maybe you should take some of your own advice.”

This time Kacchan’s voice didn’t ground him.

“I did.” He said, eyes flicking between All Might and his mum. “I told All Might.”

The glassy look in his mother’s eyes made the guilt of hiding this from her rise up, but it was for her own benefit, she didn’t have to worry he was fin-

“Izuku, you’ve been having nightmares as well?”

Was he so obvious about it that All Might didn’t even have to say it? But he guessed they all knew now, there was nothing he could do. His shoulders tensed.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you, it’s not as bad as Kacchan’s and I didn’t think it was important and I didn’t want to make you worried and I’ve had loads of nightmares before so-“

“Okay wait.” Kacchan’s voice sliced through his mumbling. “So you make a huge fucking deal about me, while you’re doing the same thing?”

“Mine aren’t to that level i-“

“Do I look like I fucking care? You should’ve told someone, fucker.”

“Katsuki!”

“What? Like we’re not all thinking the same thing.”

He knew this would happen if Kacchan found out. He though All Might at least might have a little more tact than to blurt it out in front of everyone. He’d never asked him specifically not to tell anyone but Kacchan had made his stance on nightmares being weak and making him weak pretty clear. So, what would he think of Izuku when he found out he had them as well? Had had them his whole life.

But surprisingly, although he’d tensed for the burning anger it never came,

“You’re such a fucking hypocrite Deku. You thought you could fucking handle it by yourself and I couldn’t?”

“No.” He waved his hands in front of him. “No, I just-“

“You could’ve fucking told me,”

A mixture of disbelief and anger dropped in his stomach. Right, because just talking to Kacchan worked.

“No, I couldn’t! You would’ve called me weak or laughed at me or-I don’t know. Because I can never say anything to you and think I’ll get some kind of positive reaction.”

He didn’t know whether that was Kacchan’s somehow roundabout way of saying he’d have been there for him but what the hell were the actual chances of that. Most likely Kacchan was only telling himself that now because he was afraid that he was villain. Not that he was, he never would be but Mitsuki wasn’t entirely wrong, Kacchan could be cruel sometimes, intentional or not.

“I didn’t mean in general asshole.” His answer wasn’t as defensive as Izuku thought it would be. “I meant when I walked in earlier and you were fucking sobbing or when we were talking to Aizawa or fucking any time yesterday.”

“No offense Kacchan but it really didn’t feel like it.”

He could feel his eyes getting wet but his mum interrupted the argument before it could get any further. “What are your nightmares about Izuku?”

He clenched his jaw and dropped his eyes to floor,

“The USJ.” he shrugged and lowered his voice. “Kacchan being taken, the sludge villain, the time Shigaraki came up to me at the mall-”

There were more, nightmares about middle school that didn’t involve any super villains but he decided to keep those to himself.

An elbow to his rib, jolted him back to reality, “What the fuck do you mean Shigaraki at the mall?”

All Might answered him. “Ah yes young Bakugo, you decided not to join your classmates, young Midoryia was taken and threatened by Sh-“

“Taken? You fucking mean like-“

“No. no. he just approached him, and threated him.”

His mum, slumped slightly at that, sinking into Mitsuki’s side who wrapped her good arm around her,

“So he fucking-“ he turned to Izuku, and if he didn’t know any better he would’ve said Kacchan almost looked worried. “What the fuck Deku? Stay away from the fucking hand creep alright?"

Defensiveness raised. “Kacchan it's not like I'd go up to him on purpose-“

“Not even to full up one of your creepy stalked notebooks? Of course you fUCking would,”

“No I wou-“

“So, you’re trying to tell me if you were out by yourself and you saw him you wouldn’t just go and try and take him down without calling the Pro’s first? Yeah, it’s a fucking joke. Not like you’re the most fucking self-destructive person I’ve ever met.”

The sarcasm and anger in his voice cut through any other emotion Izuku would’ve guessed the words implied but he hit a little close to home.

He didn’t mean to be self-destructive, but if that’s what it too to help people then… who was he to not help them,

“Katsuki enough. I’m angry enough with you as it, insulting Izuku like this is not getting you back into my good books.”

So Mitsuki wasn’t forgiving Kacchan then. He didn’t know why he’d expected her to, she was stubborn. But at this point the conversation had gone down a completely different path then he’d been expecting and he wasn’t sure what to say that wouldn’t get him yelled at more or make his mum worry. There was no winning in this situation. Except-

“But Aizawa told you we’re going to be seeing the school counsellor.” He said, “And they can help with nightmares and… and everything else you’ve mentioned, so-so it’s fine.”

Everyone in the room just started at him and he felt the familiar urge to curl into a ball and hide but he resisted it.

“Look I don’t want to be fucking rude but the nerd’s right.” Kacchan’s eyes looked near pleading as he stared at Aizawa, “You’ve told them the basics, are we done?”

Aizawa didn’t answer for a few seconds, eyes flicking over the entire group once before he sighed. “Fine, we’re done. If everyone understands the situation.”

A unanimous yes echoed across the room.

“Okay then.” Nezu’s chair creaked as Aizawa pushed himself up, “Bakugo, Midoryia, you can say good bye to your parents and then I expect to see you both back in class."

It was awkward to stand up and hug his mum who had whispered in his ear, voice wobbling and near close to tears (his fault) that she was sorry he hadn’t noticed his nightmares. Over his mums shoulder he noticed that Kachan and Auntie didn’t hug but she roughly ruffled his hair, still frowning, while he scowled in response.

And then they were slowly walking back to class room, side by side in an awkward silence that neither of them wanted to break so he was surprised when Kacchan started talking.

“It sucks that All Might called you out like that.”

He didn’t know how to respond, having a civil conversation with Kacchan wasn’t something he was well versed with and sometimes the anticipation of waiting for Kacchan to blow up was worse than the bomb itself.

“Yeah.” he muttered, all too aware of how his words seemed to echo in the empty hallway. “I’m sorry for calling you out too, or pushing too hard. Or not sorry- um just- you know what I mean.”

He got no answer in response so he deemed himself safe for the time being.

“Your notebooks are creepy as fucyou know that, right?”

“I- what?”

Of all the things he’d been expecting Kacchan to talk about after everything they’d just sat through, that wasn’t it and he didn’t even have time to formulate an answer before Kacchan opened the classroom room door and stomped to desk, leaving the Deku to scurry behind him to his own.

Some things never changed.

Chapter Text

The rest of the day dragged on slowly and Katsuki felt like he was dredging through mud. When he wasn't ignoring Kaminari, whos eyes he could feel fixed on the side of his head, he was glaring at him, jaw tightened.

He could feel Deku staring at him as well, but it ironically enough wasn't the fact that it was Deku that annoyed him. It was everyone else's gazes on them, him and Deku.

And that was including Aizawa’s attempted subtle glances their way as if one of them was about to break down in the middle of the classroom.

That was not going to happen.

One thing he was happy about though, was that he wasn't going home tonight, thank f**k for the dorms because he knew if he did go home it'd be a f**king screaming match.

At least that was one thing that worked out.

His friends, apparently, were assholes, he wasn't going to let them know how much it actually hurt that they were completely trying to invade his privacy. Kirishima was less of that, but that didn't mean he wasn't susceptible to the others. He had to make sure He wouldn't tell them anything about his frantic whatever the f**k that was over Deku last night. Or anything else. 

He felt like he could trust Kirishima, though, he thought he could trust Kaminari, even if he never would've told him that.

That was a complete f**king lie.

But eventually the last bell rang, and Katsuki realised he'd have to get caught up on notes later because he hadn't been paying any attention.

Urgh.

He escaped to his room the minute they got to the dorms and slammed the door behind him, dropping his bag on the floor and ignoring the books that spilled out of it and face planting into his pillow. Things may have been better but he was exhausted.

He didn't remember falling asleep but he was woken up, he didn't know how long later, to rhythmic knocking on his door.

He groaned and rubbed his eyes, squinting through the room lot with a grey light, it wasn't dark outside fully but he hadn't turned on any lights when he came in.

He didn't have a nightmare he realised, for the first time in ages but the knocking on the door made his stomach seize up.

Villains don’t knock, don't be a f**king idiot.

He dragged his feet to the door and opened it slightly, poking his head around the side and surprised a groan, the flame of anger flickering.

It was the f**king idiot squad who didn't know when to mind their own f**king business and get involved in his shit.

That's the new name he dubbed them.

Deku would fit right in.

'Hey, Bakugo!'

Pinky. She hadn't done anything he wasn't as pissed at her, in fact he wasn't as pissed at all of them apart from Kaminari but none of them had intervened, told him to sit down and shut up.

That was the point.

"What the hell do you f**kers want?"

His voice still sounded tired from sleep and he resisted the urge to rub his eyes, he was going to give them a chance to explain and he wasn't going to look weak doing it.

Kirishima spoke up first which was probably a smart decision on his part,

"We just wanted to check how you were doing, Blasty, and Denki wanted to tell you something,"

At his name the blond seemed to cringe back while Sero shoved him forward. He was holding a small box, his fingers leaving indents on the cardboard edges.

Oh, okay so he was bribing Katsuki into forgiving him then.

"I'm sorry about earlier,' he held the box out towards him, "I just wanted to know if you and Midoryia were okay. I didn't mean to-"

Katsuki grabbed the box, not looking at him, and flicked the lid open.

"Cupcakes," he dead panned. How long did it take to bake cupcakes? They were definitely homemade, because they looked disgusting, different sizes, each one with a mess of orange and green icing on top and the rare attempt at an 'x' across the middle. He looked up at them, he wasn't sure how to react, he was still pissed and hurt, but no one had ever made him cupcakes before, despite how shit they looked.

"Yeah! I wanted to do something..." The excitement drained from Kaminari's voice, "to show I really mean it, I guess. I still," he exhaled, "I still don't think you were right to hit Midoryia or anything but sorry for trying to eavesdrop,"

Katsuki was an asshole, he was well aware and his friends were apologising to him, heartfelt and with cupcakes? With stomach twisted.

"These look like shit,"

"Satou was out, we tried our best,"

At this point he honestly didn't know whether he forgave them or not, he didn't trust him anymore he knew that much at least, but the whole apology thing struck deep somewhere.

Apologising was hard, even the thinking about admitting he was wrong made him scowl, it was one thing acknowledge it but another to admit it out loud.

How the f**k did they find saying sorry so easy?

"You're a f**king idiot you know that Dunce?"

Kaminari's face fell, 

"And I don't eat sweet shit like this,"

He let the silence hang in the air for a few seconds, ignoring the look Kirishima was shooting him, a mixture of exasperation and disappointment. Oh f**k off.

"But," he continued, "the sentiment isn't as f**king dumb as you are,"

That was the closest they were going to get to him accepting something and by the looks on their faces they knew too.

They were all grinning like idiots and he didn't have time to register that Kaminari launched himself at him and Katsuki instantly recoiled from the attempted hug, his heart beating so loudly he could hear it in his ears. He stumbled back shoving Kaminari away from him, trying to stop his hands from sparking, he gritted his teeth despite his palms tingling with a fight or flight reaction, he wasn't doing this again, he couldn't, he wasn't burning someone else. His breath caught in his throat; box of cupcakes discarded on the floor where he dropped them. 

Kaminari halted where he stood, arms that were outstretched lowering, he looked confused,

"Dude I'm so-"

"Don't f**king touch me," he spat, trying to keep his breathing in check.

"I didn't mean to-"

"Don't."

He released a shaky breath and tried to regain his composure, overly aware of all the concerned eyes on him.

Kaminari stepped holding his hands up slightly, 

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry I shouldn't have-"

"What part of you thought that was a good idea dude," that was Tape Arms possibly the sanest out of the group and the only one making any kind of sense.

"Hey, Bakugo, you okay?" He glanced up to Kirishima who pushed his way between Pinky and Sparky.

He shook a smouldering hand out. 

"I'm fine," he said, "I just-" he groaned, "what time is it?"

"Around eight?" he hesistated for a second before taking a step forward and lowering his voice slightly, "Were you asleep?"

He bit his tongue.

"Yeah,"

"Oh, dude that’s great!" Kaminari was speaking again like he completely forgot what had just happened. He guessed it was part of being a dunce. He knew it wasn't exactly Kaminari's fault but Sero was right, even if he wasn't...if he didn't...why the hell would Kaminari decide that hugging him ever was a good idea? He wasn't exactly a touchy-feely person.

"We kinda noticed you seemed really tired recently," Pinky piped up and the urge to kick them all out of his room intensified.

Instantly the defensive walls shot back up.

"I'm not," he paused, "and the last thing I need is for you f**kers to get involved. So shut the f**k up and leave,"

"Bakugo come on-"

"Out now,"

He shoved Kaminari toward the door but not as roughly as he could've, and he was about to push Kirishima out to when he realised he still had to make sure he wouldn't say anything so he grabbed him by the collar before he could escape the room and Half a second later when the others were in the hall and he slammed the door shut, locking it.

"Woah man, you okay?"

Katsuki ran a hand through his hair trying to cover up any sembelence of slightly shaking that might be happening and swallowed. He met his eyes, "You're not going to say anything to them right? I don't care how many times they ask,"

"Yeah, dude of course not I would never," he paused, and then raised a hand to the back on his neck, rubbing awkwardly, "I'm sorry about Kaminari jumping on you like that, he does have the best intentions I promise he just-"

"I know, I call him Dunce for a reason,"

His arm dropped and Kirishima let a small smile starch across his face, "Fair point, I'm glad you were sleeping,"

"Shut up," he snapped again but there was no real fire in it, "Anyway," he swallowed, "that's all I wanted to tell you,"

Yes, he told himself, he wanted to be alone. he didn't want to ask Kirishima if he wanted to stay and study.

But then, honestly, he didn't know how much he wanted to be alone right now, did he even consider Kirishima company anymore or just someone who was there with him? Who he didn't actively mind spending time with even if they were just doing nothing? even if he was just another presence in the room with him? Someone he trusted

He didn't say anything.

For a second Kirishima's eyes searched his but then he just shrugged, "If you're sure, I'll see you later. You should probably come down and get something to eat,"

The reaction was reflex but not what he wanted to say, "Don't tell me what to do," 

Kirishima laughed even though he was halfway out the door and what slipped out of Katsukis mouth next was mostly on impulse, "Thank you,"

The door shut softly in front of him.

He didn't even know if Kirishima heard.

His shoulders untensed and he released a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding. His gaze travelled down to the cardboard box strewn on the floor, lid half opened in the fall.

He scoffed, they were f**king idiots, but maybe they were on to something. 

They'd spent time doing that for him, time they sorely needed to use for studying.

He flexed his hand, okay so maybe he wasn't good at accepting or giving apologies.

But Actions spoke louder than words, right?

xxx

Izuku was finally getting through his homework, he still had English to do but even having the rest of it out of the way lifted a weight from his shoulders.

He was sat in the common area, hunched over the end of the table, earphones in. He probably would've got more done in his room where there was less random bashing and laughter from the kitchen every few minutes because Mina and Kaminari and the others were cleaning up after baking. At one-point Izuku had gone in to get a glass of water and there was a lot to clear up.

He winced at a particularly loud smash. At this rate they were going to run out of plates.

He sighed and looked back his work, and jumped half a second later when someone pulled out the chair next to him.

"Oh Todoroki, hi."

"Hi," he frowned slightly. "Are you okay Midoryia?"

Any emotion he may have felt was squashed down to a vague bitterness.

"I'm fine," he said, voice cold.

If he wasn't fine, before everything that had happened today happened, he would've told him. He would've gone to him and Uraraka and Iida and told them, but his trust in them had become a fraying rope earlier that snapped when they got back from talking with Aizawa.

They apologised but that didn't mean they hadn't listened to him or had tried to hear words that weren't intended for them. And coming from that was the mild guilt. He'd done that to Kacchan, he pushed and asked until his defences broke. Till he broke.

He was happy Kacchan had finally gotten the help he needed but maybe he should've pulled back slightly. 

He was broken from his thoughts when Todoroki started talking,

"I just wanted to say, I'm not sorry about earlier," he paused "I know I should've listened to you but how Bakugo treats you isn't fair. You helped me, I just want to help you in return."

He was silent for a second, running the words over in his head and part of him hated that it made sense while the other half was unbelievably happy because yes, he was mildly annoyed but he hadn't exactly had friends growing up and the idea of losing one of them over something like this made him feel slightly sick. But that, Todoroki's reasoning, even if he didn't agree with it...made sense, he guessed and the more he thought about it the more he understood it from Todoroki's point of view. 

Hell, the phantom pain of broken fingers came back and Izuku remembered how he had broken both his hands to try and help Todoroki as well so maybe he wasn't in any place to judge.

He wasn't exactly the poster child for not meddling in others’ lives.

He frowned and deflated in his seat slumping back. 

"Okay," it wasn't an apology so he couldn't accept it, but he made sense and he couldn't argue with that. And also fighting with his friends, even if they weren't really fighting, felt weird and uncomfortable and he hadn't been able to focus properly on his work, although he doubted that was the only factor

"I'm not happy about it, but-but I understand, so thank you, for looking out for me," because he did appreciate that part, he couldn't deny that, it was just how they went about it that was the problem.

Todoroki nodded slightly, "No worries. I still think you should get your eye checked out by recovery girl."

"No, no, really, it's fine."

It actually still hurt when he touched it but he just avoided doing that so it was fine, he wasn't lying. Todoroki didn't look convinced.

"If you're sure, I'm going to head up to my room and get some more work done, you're welcome to come." The resounding clang of a pan being dropped echoed throughout the room, Todoroki hardly reacted, his dead pan stare still solely fixed on Izuku, "it might be quieter."

"Oh no, I'm fine, thank you though,"

He liked the noise, it made it harder to overthink and he was already doing that too much, hopefully this would help decrease that a little. 

He sighed, holding the pen a little to tightly in his hand as Todoroki stood again. "If you're sure, my door's always open."

He appreciated the sentiment and couldn't help but think about how far Todoroki had come since the start of the year.

'Not here to make friends,'

Ha, Midoryia smiled slightly to himself as he watched his figure disappear up the stairs, he could cross Todoroki’s name of the list.

His next friend conquest was Shinsou. 

He shook his head breaking himself out of the reverie, feeling slightly lighter than he had before, he couldn't really be annoyed at them could he? Todoroki or the others, if it were someone else in his position, he realised, he would've done the exact same thing. 

Homework, that's what he was doing.

 He plugged both his earphones back into his ears and got back to work.

xxx

He was wasn't sure how much time had passed but he knew he'd gotten through a couple of albums and that everyone in the kitchen had filtered out, a couple going to living room, most of them going upstairs.

He'd finished his homework maybe half an hour ago and had taken to writing more notes in his hero notebook. It had been a while since he'd managed to catch up on notes and honestly there was a lot to add, but he wasn't expected his earphones to be ripped out o his ears so roughly it almost hurt. he flinched jumped around and already feeling the tingling surge of One for All beneath his skin. He stopped in his tracked when he recognised the spikes of blood hair and angry red eyes.

"Oh, ow-Kacchan,"

He hadn't even noticed him come down from his room. 

"Shut up Deku,"

"I-but you-"

"Give me your notebook." 

What? His stomach clenched and rolled, and his grip on the pen tightened his other hand coming up to grab the notebook. 

He hadn't forgotten what had happened last time Kacchan had taken one of them, it had been hell to try and copy up and he had lost a lot of notes that were just unreadable from burns or water damage.

But the notebook was snatched out of his hand, tearing the page along the bottom.

He stood up quickly, the chair screeching back behind him, heart racing. "Wait, Kacchan, give it back."

He stepped forward and Kacchan rolled his eyes, moving back and holding it a little higher out of his reach. "Calm down nerd, I'm not going to blow it up."

"Kacchan!"

The reassurance didn't exactly reassure him.

Kacchan flicked through the pages, mouth quirking up and Izuku made another grab for the book failing miserably as Kacchan side stepped him without even looking up,

"You really are a f**king stalker you know that?"

He thought him and Kacchan were getting on slightly better earlier but maybe now he'd had time to think on it and Kacchan decided he hated him even more.

Crap, crap, he didn't want this to go downhill.

Out of his peripheral vision he noticed red hair rise from where Kirishima had been sitting in front of the sofa,

"Hey, dude come on-"

"Shut it, Shitty Hair."

"No, I-"

"It's fine, Kirishima," Izuku said even though he felt like things were far from fine because he really didn't want to lose this notebook and this was bringing back too many familiar memories of middle school that he didn't want to think about.

He hands were clenched into fists at his sides, and Kacchan continued flicking through the notebook, scoffing intermittently.

"You're such a creep, how do you even know half this stuff?"

The sudden self-consciousness about his observation skills hit hard.

"I just notice things."

"F**k you,"

He glanced at the ground. He didn't even know how he was meant to respond to that, it wasn't like it was an argument he could just hit back at.

He didn't know why Kacchan was doing this either, he couldn't put the pieces together.

He closed the notebook and stared at the cover for the few seconds before rolling his eyes and then chucking it at him. That was the last thing he was expecting and he fumbled for a few seconds when it hit his chest before getting a firm grip on it, not burnt, not even slightly scorched.

His heart stopped in relief.

He glanced up to Kacchan again but he was already walking away,

"F**king nerd." he muttered and then he was away into the kitchen.

Izuku released a breath as he slowly lowered himself back into his seat, both hands gripping his notebook.

He honestly had no idea what had just happened.

Kacchan had had the same arrogant energy he held in middle school, but he wasn't, it was different, it felt much more like an act. And Izuku didn't know what he was meant to think.

"Hey, dude, you okay? That was weird."

Izuku glanced over to Kirishima who was sitting up from doing his doing his work on the floor in the living room, eyes wide and concerned

"Um, yeah I'm fine, I just-that was-do you know if Kacchan’s okay?"

"Apart from everything he seemed fine earlier," he lowered his voice, glancing to the kitchen, "angry at Kaminari and the others but apart from that." He shrugged.

"Okay." he spoke more to himself than Kirishima, "I might talk to him later, to try and smooth some things over,” he glanced down at his notebook, “Find out what that was about,”

The look on Kirishima’s face didn't fill him with confidence, 

"Go for it I guess, just don't touch him."

He smiled, all be it slightly shakily, it was getting late and he was tired, but he didn’t think he’d be able to sleep any time soon and he pinned the same feeling on Kacchan.

"Is your notebook okay?"

He gave the book one last glance over and part from the tear on the bottom of one the pages it was unharmed, and that hadn't been what he expected to get back, it certainly wasn't what happened last time. Not that he was complaining, 

“Yeah, it's fine," the surprise in his voice was obvious. "Thanks, Kirishima.”

He rolled his earphones and around his fingers before shoving them in his pockets and gathering up the things from the table. Speaking of talking to people, he’d have to try and find Uraraka later as well, he hadn’t talked since coming out of school today and he wanted to make sure everything was okay between them, she'd apologised and he’d accepted it but he didn’t want things to be awkward, he didn’t t want to lose the best friend he’d made, “I’ll see you later.”

“Good luck dude,” Kirishima's voice was warm and friendly, and honestly? A comforting sound to hear after the past couple of days.

Chapter Text

Aizawa sighed, pinching between his eyes, his black hair falling around his shoulders as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk. It was dark out side and late and he’d rather be sleeping then marking but something else had come up when he was meant to do this earlier, that something else being Bakugo and Midoryia.

They were difficult, not necessarily in a bad way but God those kids needed someone. He knew Mitsuki loved her son, of course she did but it was in a such a Bakugo way. And Bakugo wouldn’t want to be coddled obviously, and Aizawa wasn’t exactly the coddling type, but Katsuki deserved more than being called weak, he was one of the strongest heroes in his class, if not the strongest, only by a millimetre. And even that could fluctuate. Not tat he would tell his class that.

Todoroki was strong of course, but ironically his emotions, especially concerning his father (who no, Aizawa didn’t like) sometimes got the best of him, his fight against Bakugo in the Sports festival being a prime example of that.

Midoryia, although improving, was still breaking his own goddamn arms and/or legs here and there.

Bakugo, however, had a good handle on his quirk, a drive to win, always no matter what other factors got involved, and he was third in class in theory. The draw back was the anger, the temperament, and the inferiority issues.

actually saying it like that they sounded like they were on an even playing field.

He put the pen down.

At least they were getting somewhere. Didn’t matter how long it would take, and he knew the road was going to be lined with damn hills and holes, but he was confident they would get there eventually, and Aizawa would be willing to help them along in any way they needed.

He grabbed his phone, scrolling down to the contact he told himself he would delete if he wasn’t required to have it.

It rang for a few seconds and Aziawa rolled his eyes knowing what the ring tone was even if he couldn’t hear it.

“Hello, Aizawa, Everything okay?”

“Fine All Might, are you at home?”

“Yes,”

It was nice for some. He wanted to get back to his cats.

“I juts wanted to talk to you quickly about Bakugo and Midoryia, I didn’t get the chance to earlier,”

All Might's tone darkened, something slightly sad, “Yes, of course, what about them?”

He sighed again, feeling it from the depths of his soul, the classroom was slightly to cold to be comfortable, but urgh, he had to get this done.

“I know you have a soft spot for Miodryia,” he said, “And I want you to keep an eye on him, but could you do the same for Bakugo,”

He could practically hear All Might’s brain whirring in thought down the phone,

“All Might?”

“Of course, of course. Yes, sorry, you’re right. Like I said after their fight, it was the neglect of their teachers, of me, that led to that in the first place,”

“Good,” Aizawa said. He sighed into the phone. “I know Bakugo’s anger issues are slowly improving but I want to make sure nothing like what we heard can happen again. I don’t think Bakugos going to let it, and I don’t think Midoriya would take it but I’m not allowing behaviour like that in my class. Be on the lookout for it. If anything happens tell me and Bakugo will face the consequences. I already told him he’ll be expelled if the behaviour continues and I’m keeping to that promise, I let him stay because he’s actively regretful and I doubt he would repeat past actions, but I need you to do your part.”

“Of course. We’ll all take stricter steps. Make sure that he knows his behaviour was unacceptable.”

Aizawa pulled the phone away from his ear as he coughed. Great.

“Exactly.” God he sounded so tired. He was so tired, made sense, “Just wanted to make sure we were on the same page, I’ll see you tomorrow All Might,”

“Night Aizawa, sleep well,”

He put the phone down and stared at the essays he still had to finish marking,

Sleep well. Ha. Sure. He could do that.

Xxx

He could hear Shitty Hair and Deku muttering in the other room but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. He didn’t care but he knew they were talking about him. Of course, they were, he was Bakugo fucking Katsuki why wouldn’t they be talking about him.

He scowled, that sounded weak in his own ears.

Always so fucking weak. But...not a villain, Aizawa had told him he wasn’t a villain, but that didn’t mean that he was good enough yet. If Deku still had to help him, he still needed to get better. That was something he’d clarified in the past hour, he’d stayed up in his room for a good forty five minutes thinking after the idiots had come to his room and finally came to a few conclusions, ones that he could actually make sense of.

The sound of the door opening behind him made him spin but his tensed shoulders dropped in relief when he noticed the familiar pink.

“Oh, hey Blasty,”

Usually Mina was the most excitable person he knew, and while she was till smiling at him it was softer, and usually at this point she would’ve started going of on some rant at him about whatever was on her mind, usually it was crazy and stupid and if he was doing homework, he kick her out. But now. She wasn’t.

He frowned,

“You’re not being as annoying as usual.”

She laughed a little at the that and slipped round him to the counter, lacking the usual bounce in her step as she pushed herself up onto the counter, legs swinging absentmindedly,

“Why the fuck are you sitting on my counter?”

“Are you making food?”

When he came into the kitchen he hadn’t actually planned to but he hadn’t eaten anything since lunch and now she mentioned it he was fucking hungry, so…

“Have you eaten?” he asked, leaning down to grab a pan, he was acutely aware of the lack of answer. He set it on the surface next to her and sent her a look as he moved to the fridge.

Was he a fucking glorified babysitter or something?

“For fucks sake Pinky, you gotta look after yourself. You can’t do hero shit if you’re hungry.”

He grabbed the ingredients, enough for two portions and laid them out beside her, nudging her over with his elbow and she complied without argument shuffling up the bench.

When he looked at her again, this time she was smiling, properly.

“You’re great, you know that Blasty.”

He stopped in his tracks, raising an eyebrow. Okay, he was making her dinner because she was an idiot, that was fucking it.

“Whatever,” he said, feeling heat at the base of his neck, for some reason defences jumping up. Why did people compliment dumb things?

He pulled out a chopping board and grabbed one of the larger knives, setting up with his side to her.

She left a longer silence that he was certainly in no fucking hurry to fill when she started talking again.

“I’m glad you’re getting back to yourself.”

He opened his mouth to ask her what the fuck she meant but she kept talking before he could get a word out,

“We weren’t worried about you because we didn’t think you could handle it, but you just seemed tired a lot and a little jumpy maybe, and we’re just glad you’re feeling better.”

His grip tightened around the hilt of the knife, he gritted his teeth because he never liked the word worry, it was synonymous with the word weak in his head but he had to remind himself that she was his friend, and she wasn’t saying that to look down on him like Deku does-did-never really did- motherfucker.

…but the way Mina said it made it sound like even though they were worried, they knew he could handle it, and personally to him that felt better.

Her feet softly hit the ground and she padded up next to him.

“It's nice to have you back Blasty, you haven’t cooked for us in ages.”

That was…true actually the rest of them were fucking hopeless at cooking, he had actually tried one of the cupcakes and it tasted as bad as it looked.

He sighed but didn’t set down the knife, continuing to viciously chop at the carrots with scary accuracy.

“You don’t have to worry about me okay?” His tone was different from how he usually said the words he was more familiar with yelling at Deku. “I’m fine I promise, just got some shit going on but I’m still fucking number one,”

She laughed. “There’s the Bakugo we all know,”

“Shut up, you’d fucking starve without me,”

She was an idiot but she’d be smart enough to read between the lines. She grinned.

“You wanna call me when this is ready? I have to finish my homework.”

A flash of green in his peripheral vision. He ignored it.

“The homework’s for fucking tomorrow, why haven’t you done it yet?” but he wasn’t focusing on her, “Go.”

She giggled, much more like herself from when she first came in.

“Gotcha, I’ll see you later,” she practically bounced towards the door, yelling for Tape Arms. The door closed softly behind her.

He turned back to cutting his vegetables, ignoring the green mop he could feel hovering at the door.

But thirty seconds later and he couldn’t just fucking ignore him anymore. Ignoring Deku was always best when he was annoyed, there was less of chance of them getting into a fight but Deku wasn’t just going to leave it. Again. The idiot didn’t learn apparently,

“I have had it with people eavesdropping on my conversations Deku.”

He was more annoyed at Deku now, specifically, because he had been thinking and he came to the conclusions that in terms of getting involved with things that didn’t involve them, Deku was the fucking worst. And that wasn't even an insult, it was just a fact. But that wasn’t actually the problem this time.

Deku. The number one Hero’s successor was a goddamn hypocrite and the longer he thought about the angrier it made him. Deku could hound him, break him, humiliate him while he never said a word. 

Deku had nightmares too, Deku was up at three am the other night too.

Katsuki would be good enough, he would be, he had to be.

But it was still fucking annoying of him acting like Katsuki was weak while he was pretending he was a fucking saint while they both had the same problem.

But he had to be better. He had to treat Deku better. He was going to. He wasn’t going to let the past repeat itself.

He roughly scraped the carrots into a pan, and it only took half a second to realise he was still being watched, he could feel the eyes on the back of his head.

"I've talked way too fucking much to you today Deku," he growled.

Yes, he had a plan, to say- to say something- but no, that didn't mean that they would be friends, it didn't mean that he liked him or ever would, so he wasn't going to act like it.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Deku hesitated, "but you just came up to me and-"

Was he trying to chat? Was that what this was? Did he think Katsuki insulting his notebook was a key to unlock friendly conversation or something? And if he thought it did that was a weird ass signal to take.

"Deku," he said, "just because I haven't ground your face into the fucking ground yet doesn't mean we're fucking friends,"

His eyebrows furrowed, and Katsuki had no idea why the nerd looked confused. He thought he made his point pretty damn clear, he didn't want to be friends with him, he would never want to be friends with him,

"I know, but I thought-

He raised an eyebrow, "That's the fucking problem then."

"You stole my notebook."

He slammed down the knife. Of course that what this was about.

"And I gave it back."

He thought that was a fucking better outcome than what happened last time, Deku should be fucking ecstatic.

“I- you- that’s not the point.”

“Then what is the point?”

Deku frowned, mouth twisted like he ate something sour, he could see the thoughts racing through his head at a mile a minute. At least the nerd hadn’t started muttering yet, and with the way Katsuki was glaring at him he didn’t think he was going to.

“I know you said we’re not friends, but we helped each other out earlier and I was actually going to say thank you and then you come in and take my notebook and make fun of it, and you know, you know what I thought you were going to do.”

“It’s not my fault you’re fucking paranoid.”

Deku’s expression turned angry that way that it did when Katsuki managed to hit a nerve that broke past the natural Deku panic reaction. After fifteen years he was good at doing that if he wanted to, but right now as annoyed at him as he was, he didn’t want to. Was he going to tell Deku why he really took his stalker book? No, no he fucking wasn’t because the nerd would work it out eventually and saying it would make him have to explain it out loud and he didn’t want to do that. So now Deku was just making it difficult.

“Yes actually.” Deku snapped. “It probably is.”

His gaze naturally went back to bruise on Deku’s face and his stomach twisted.

Shut up you’re working on it. That was the whole reason you took the book in the first place. Deku’s just being sensitive.

“Look,” he said, picking up the knife again and moving on to the chicken. “I took your fucking stalker book, I gave it back, I don’t see what the big deal is."

He meant to stop there but his chopping of the chicken got more violent and he kept ranting, barely checking the words as they flew out of his mouth, getting louder by the second.

“If anyone has the right to be annoyed I think it's me. You were the one who never fucking said you were having nightmares. You were the one who fucking told All Might about mine. What the actual fuck makes you think you can tell him that? All Might the strongest guy in the fucking world." He didn't register that he took a step forward. "You make a huge fucking deal about me but you just conveniently keep your problems quiet.”

He breathed out deeply, breath laboured, shoulders heaving. He hadn’t realised he’d turned away from the counter, facing Deku who had taken a step back. Where the hell did that come from? he gripped the side of the counter.

Deku's eyes were wide with concern but his hands tensed into fists.

Motherfucker.

Katsuki bit the inside on his cheek. He had to fix it. “I didn’t mean to shout.”

He meant what he said but he didn’t mean to loose it. Idiot. He wanted to be done with that tonight. but if he wanted that he'd have to say something to close this. So he didn't fucking prove him mum right. He rolled his neck, having to force the words out. It was more difficult than it should be.

"But I did tell y-"

Katsuki cut him off.

“We were better earlier okay? We had a common enemy,” His voice was low. “Just because we spoke to Aizawa or our mums doesn’t mean I like you,” The words almost caught in his throat and his stomach twisted again at the way Deku’s face fell,  but he pushed them out. "But I shouldn’t treated you like I did, and if your ass needs saving I’ll do it, we can-" this was almost painful to say, "work together if we have to, but don’t think I like you.”

He sucked in another breath.

It took a while to come to that conclusion but the rest of the jigsaw pieces fell into place as he was speaking. It clicked.

He didn’t like Deku, he probably never would, but he couldn’t deny that he shouldn’t have treated him the way he did.

He shouldn’t be able to make Deku flinch by just moving too quickly. Regrettably the nerd was right.

Not that he was ever actually going to tell him that.

So that was it.

“Okay,” Deku said, nodding. “Okay.”

He looked like he was analysing the words, trying to make sense of them, “We don’t have to like each other...but we can respect each other,”

He noticed Deku cringe away slightly as he reached the end of the sentence.

“Exactly.”

He was highly aware of the fact that he just admitted he respected Deku to Deku and the smile that gradually spread across his face meant he realised it.

“Oh,” he said again, grinning. What a fucking nerd,

“Thank you,” he paused, but Katsuki knew there was more coming, there always was with Deku. “I still don’t get why you took my note-“

“Just forget about it Deku.”

“I-Okay." His answer was fast, and Katsuki could tell he still wasn't finished, he'd known Deku for years and he still didn't know how one person could speak so much, "And I just- what you said, I didn’t tell you, about the nightmares, for the same reason you didn’t want anyone to know.” He looked down. “I thought you’d think I was weak. I already know you’re not happy with All Might picking me, I didn’t want you to think he was wrong any more than you already did.”

That… actually made sense and he hated it.  How did he tell Deku he was right without actually saying it because he was pretty sure he would just choke on the words?

“I'm not happy about it but think about what I said a couple of seconds ago.”

Deku was confused for a second, eyes clouding over, but then his lip twitched up in understanding, eyes glinting, and he nodded again, “Okay, I get it.” He paused. “You still shouldn’t have taken my notebook.”

“Yeah, whatever. Now leave me alone so I can cook my damn dinner without wanting to blow your fucking face up,”

“I’ll see you tomorrow Kacchan.”

“I fucking hope not,”

At this point he didn’t even know if he was joking or not. It was weird, being nice to Deku, telling him the things that annoyed him, like the fact that he respected him, which was something that Katsuki hated but made Deku smile.

He didn’t want to respect Deku but it just kind of happened.

Whatever.

He chucked the chicken into the pan, focusing on the sizzle of oil and the smell of garlic instead of the thoughts in his head.

“Fucking idiot.” he mumbled, because apparently it had offended Deku somehow that he had taken it, but now he knew the brand of Deku’s notebook and where he could buy one.

Chapter Text

He jolted awake to sounds of heavy drums and screaming disguised as singing.

His heart thundered in his chest but this time it wasn’t because of a nightmare, it wasn’t because of All Might withering away or Deku hitting the ground or him-him joining them.

It was- Crap it was his ringtone.

His eyes were heavy and his movements were slow with sleep but he glanced over the clock and through blurry yes could just about make out it was 5 am, that was earlier than his alarm went of. 

Who the hell was calling him at five am?

He didn't take the time to read the caller ID because it was stupid and he was going to tell whoever the hell it was to piss of. He hadn't slept properly in weeks and although he could feel the remnants of nightmares in the back of his head the longer he tried to hold onto it the faster it turned to ash in his hands.He couldn't remember what they were about but at least they didn't wake him up this time.

No, now it was this motherfucker.

He slammed his finger on the answer button. "Why the fuck are you calling me at-"

"Katsuki."

Oh.

Oh.

It was the hag, he didn't -he had no idea what the fuck he should say to her, or what she wanted to say. Anger crawled over him like ants in his veins, they hadn't exactly parted on the best of terms yesterday.

"I'm not in the mood," he growled out, voice slicked with sleep.

"Just listen to me brat."

He gritted his teeth but didn't hang up like he had planned. If she was calling this early there had to be a reason for it past yelling at him. "Fine."

"Okay, look maybe I didn't understand earlier," she said

Was she- no fucking way-he was pretty sure that she was admitting she was wrong to some extent, that happened once in a blue moon.

"Okay," he said, because there was no way he could pass up this opportunity and there was nothing else she could've been referring to. He was ignoring how his stomach was twisting, ignoring how the backs of his eyes were stinging stlightly because maybe for once his mum was sticking up for him.

"And I wanted to tell you that I talked to your dad, and I told him everything and..."

She paused and Katsuki sat up a little straighter pushing of the blanket. His dad was like a puppy when it came to his mum, all nice and warm and inviting. He didn't think he'd ever actually seen him angry but if he saw the burn on Mitsuki’s arm he had no idea how his dad would react.

She sighed. "He told me that it sounded like you were having a really hard time and I should try and look at it from your side of things," Katsuki frowned, crossing his legs under him and leaning his elbows on his knees. "And I know the villains weren't easy on you and it makes sense that you reacted how you did."

She sounded almost reluctant to say it but he didn't care, his dad was the fucking best.

"He knows it was an accident, right?"

"I told him that's what you said,"

The walls went back up as fast as Cementos, "It's not just what I said, it's what happened."

When he thought about it too long, he could feel phantom fingers lacing around his neck.

"Right.” He hated that she still didn’t sound completely convinced, “At any rate, after yesterday and talking to your dad I felt bad, didn't sleep great,"

Ha. That was some kind of irony right fucking there wasn't it.

The hag barely ever admitted she was wrong, and despite wanting her to, part of him didn’t want her too. It was weird, he wasn’t in the mood to psychoanalysis himself but the feeling that he deserved for her to be annoyed at him wasn’t that far out of an idea. Even if it was just in subconscious thought and logically, he knew what he had done was an accident and in self-defence.

“I didn't mean to make you feel worse and despite everything I trust Aizawa," she continued.

He didn't know how to respond. Yeah, it was good that she finally looking past herself, but he had still hurt her, and if she'd taken a day to come around to the idea that maybe he wasn't actually so bad and that he hadn't blown up her arm on purpose that still...hurt. That she'd think he'd do that. That it had to take her ranting to his dad before he explained things from his side.

"Whatever," he said, voice croaking slightly, "can I speak to the old man?"

"Katsuki, I-"

"For fucks sake can you just give him the phone?"

He heard her deep sigh in his ear and held back one of his own, was she seriously not going to-

"Hey Kiddo, how are you doing?"

Ninety-nine times out of one hundred Katsuki would hate anyone talking to him like this, ever. But sometimes his dad was the exception because, well fuck, he was his dad.

"Could be fucking better," he said honestly, bringing a hand up to drag along his face.

Wow his eyes were tired, and he thought they'd talked about everything now, him and Aizawa, him and Deku, him and his mum, shouldn't he feel fucking better now? Isn't that how it's meant to work. You talk it out and then you stop feeling guilty and angry. Then his dad sighed. Okay what the hell? Katsuki was fully prepared to snap back at him when the old man spoke first and it wasn't what Katsuki expected.

"I'd say language but that's not going to make a difference is it,"

He almost snorted at that. "Hasn't for 16 years,"

"I blame your mother entirely, I told her to stop swearing when you were little,"

"Fucking worked out well on your end didn't it?"

"Honestly at this point I've given up trying,"

"Smart move."

He shifted on the bed. The Old Man was easy to talk to sometimes. The complete polar opposite of his mum. He had no idea how they ended up together but it worked apparently.

"Anyway, Katsuki, I heard about what happened with your mum and Izuku,"

He didn't want to think about that now, but he knew he didn't really have a choice.

"Yeah,"

He didn't know what else to say. 

"Well, I hope you’re okay Katsuki, and I know what your mum said but I also know you would never hurt her,"

He scowled, stomaching twisting.

"I like to think that was obvious." He hesitated, "but I still did it,"

"You were kidnapped. I think your mum forgets that happened some times. I'd be more worried if it didn't affect you,"

"You don't have to worry about me,"

"I know but I'm your dad, that's what I'm meant to do,"

He had tried to stop him from doing that. He had told his dad so many times that he didn't need him to worry, he didn't want him to worry. And he didn't know whether that was out of rpride or for once in his life it was because he cared about someone else and genuinely didn't want them to worry about him.

But then Katsuki’s dad didn't want him to swear. So many it was some kind of exchange.

"Look, I'll be home at the weekend okay, but," he checked the clock, he needed to start getting ready, go for a jog, shower, get dressed, go to class ugh, "I need to go."

"Oh, of course, of course. Just look after yourself okay?"

"Got it." He paused. "Tell the hag that-" he didn't know what to say, he knew he wanted to say something but what could he even- how could he even start? He wasn't good with words. Especially not with his mum.

"Tell her that I'm going to make dinner on Saturday."

His dad's voice was soft when he answered. Katsuki didn't know what that meant. 

"I will. I'll see you later Katsuki."

"Yeah, bye."

The old man hung up first leaving the hum of the phone, ringing in his ear.

He shut it off, tossing it onto the bed beside him.

Everything felt slightly too warm and he ran his hands down his face to try and relieve some pressure as he stood, feeling too heavy on his feet. He slept a few hours and he wasn’t woken up by a nightmare…that was good, that mean that there was some kind of improvement. But that didn’t mean that he wasn’t still having them.

He couldn’t remember what the one that the phone ringing had woken him up from was, but he knew it left a pressure on his chest.

He trudged toward the wardrobe, feet dragging across the floor. Time to start the day.

He got dressed quickly and headed downstairs, internally begging that no one was there because he didn’t want to have another conversation with someone and he was pretty damn certain that no one would want to run into him.

So, if all the damn extras just stayed out of his way that would work out better for everyone.

Also, he should work out what the hell he was going to make for dinner at the weekend. He didn’t want to say out loud that he and the hag had a competition when it came to cooking but they totally did and Katsuki was winning.

He grabbed a bottle of water and a protein bar from the cupboard before heading to the front door to do a few laps around the track. It was going to feel great to burn off some steam, he had felt slow and clogged and the sharp air and some exercise would hopefully help him fall back into routine.

xxx

He didn’t like walking behind Deku and Four Eyes. They were a few people ahead of them as they moved down the hall, Iida’s arms moving like a robot and Deku smiling at whatever the fuck he was talking about. Deku looked like he felt. Tired but some kind of weird relief.

He couldn’t deny it, telling Aizawa had helped. Being reassured even though he forced himself not need reassurance had helped.

The fact that someone was willing to listen to him and be on his side, but not afraid of him, willing to point out and try and fix the things he’d done wrong. Even if he was an asshole about it he knew eventually he’d probably come around to the idea that Aizawa was right.

All Might was his favourite pro-hero, always had been, always would be, but Aizawa was pretty close to the top and it wasn’t only because he was a great pro-hero.

Not that he was ever going to tell him that. Or anyone else.

But what he was wondering now was where the hell were Pink Cheeks and Icy Hot. He thought Deku had made happy families with those two again and they were usually glued at the hip so where the fuck were they?

The last thing he had been expecting was for damn Round Cheeks of all fucking people to appear beside him out of nowhere.

“Hey Bakugo.”

He had no idea how he was meant to respond. Was she here to lecture him again or did she take a hit to the head to damn head?

“What the hell do you want Pink Cheeks?”

She glanced up at him and readjusted her grip on her backpack straps.

"Mina said that the dinner you made for her last night was really good,"

Okay what the hell was going on? Katsuki frowned and looked down at her. He registered briefly how short she actually was and then realised that he had almost been beaten by someone so tiny. And no he wasn't insulting her, he didn't have to like Uraraka but he wasn't going to be like the other dumbasses in class and call her frail when she had almost beat him.

She still had more respect than most people he knew for that fight. 

He'd said it before and he'd say it again, if she wasn't damn Deku's bestie they'd probably get on. If she'd be able to see her own potential and work on it, not run after Deku like he was better than her. That was the biggest fucking lie he'd ever heard.

"Yeah, well I'm a damn good cook."

"And as modest as ever."

He shot her a look. Remind him again why she thought Deku was better than her.

"Of fucking course."

"It was really nice of you to do that,"

He...wasn't sure how to respond so he just shrugged, "I was making something anyway."

This was the weirdest conversation he had ever had. Okay maybe that was an exaggeration but after everything that had just happened, talking to Uraraka about his cooking just felt sort of out of place.

They fell into a bubble of silence amongst the hall full of chattering students.

"Look," she began, "About-"

And he could tell from the tone of her voice that this conversation was going to turn a way he didn't want it to. A scowl instantly spread across his face and any sense of mild enjoyment he was getting out of talking to Pink Cheeks instantly melted away. 

“If you’re here to complain about damn Deku again I don’t want to hear it, all I’ve heard for the l-“

“No, no,” she interrupted.

He stared at her incredulous. Did she just interrupt him?

“I just…” she paused gnawing on her lip, and then had to skip a few steps forward to keep up with his fast pace, “Do you know if Deku’s mad at me?”

Katsuki snorted, any consideration he might've had for her feelings completely diminished the moment she brought him up. Did everything have to be about Deku?

Well if she wanted to talk about Deku then damn well he'd play along. “Probably.”

He didn’t care if that wasn’t true, he was feeling petty and bitter. He could even fucking lie to himself and say he was doing it for Deku, because he knows at at least one point yesterday Deku was annoyed. But he didn’t think Deku would be able to hold a grudge if his life depended on it, so if he was still so desperate to be friends with Katsuki after everything then he’d be crawling back to Uraraka within an hour. But he didn't have to tell her that.

He eyes widened and she looked up at him again.

“I didn’t want to annoy him, it’s just you’re always so horrible to him and-“

He swallowed his frustration. “I didn’t ask for fucking lecture so if that all you fucking want to talk about piss off.”

“No, no it's not.” she was quick to recover.

He sucked in a deep breath,

"Look," she continued, determination colouring her voice, "it looks like you and Deku are trying to sort things out and you were really cool at the sports festival so I thought that maybe if you and me could friends Deku wouldn’t be mad at me anyone,”

Something about that whole statement didn’t sit right with him. Oh yeah, maybe it was the fact that it sounded like Pink Cheeks was only trying to use him to get back into Deku’s good books.

He scoffed; he wasn’t going to be used as a fucking stepping stone to Deku’s affections.

“Change the topic or walk away.”

There. Two simple offers.

He would admit, he fully expected her to glare at him and walk away but she stuck close to his side much to his own confusion.

“Okay, in that case-“

“Oh! Uraraka. I thought you were late.” Iida’s arm sliced through the air in front of his face and he had to inhale deeply through his nose, clenching his jaw shut. “I understand that you’re-” his words fell short when his gaze landed on Katsuki, “Walking with Bakugo but we’re comparing answers on the last test. Do you want to join us?”

He looked away from Iida and met Deku’s gaze across the hall, eyes filled with questioning, questions that Katsuki had no goddamn answer to. He just shrugged noncommittedly, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“I-“ Uraraka sent him one last look, “Okay sure,”

His eyes gaze shifted subtly back up to Deku again and judging by the smile on his face as Uraraka bounced toward them he wasn’t annoyed at her anymore.

Of course, he wasn’t, Deku forgave people for too easily.

At any rate, at least now he’d gotten rid of Pink Cheeks and it was still twenty minutes too early for the other idiots to bombard him yet because arriving now would mean breaking their streak of turning up to class as late as physically possible before Aizawa got there.

He had to admit they were playing a dangerous game.

At least it meant he had another twenty minutes before anyone else would bother him.

xxx

"I'll be choosing the pairs for sparing"

The day had been long and boring and he knew they had hero training and he had been fucking waiting for it but hearing Aizawa saying they'd be sparing out loud made him grin. 

Tension was coiled through his body and he knew a good fight, letting of some blasts that were aimed and intentional, would feel great.

He needed to blow of some steam and thank fuck he was in the hero course so he could.

He rolled his shoulders as Mr Aizawa started listing of names, and he frowned as he tried to analyse the matches.

 "Todoroki and Mina."

One hell of a pair up, he liked Mina but she didn't stand a chance. She knew it to, she fell face fist into the desk, groaning.

"Satou and Tsuyu,"

Okay that was more evenly matched, he didn't think he could say who would win that one.

As more names of people he didn’t really care about got called out he tuned out again, focusing his gaze on an annoying scrap of chalk on the board that hadn't been rubbed out and only looked back to Aizawa when he heard his name, 

"Bakugo and Midoryia,"

His brain short circuited. Did he hear that right?

The silence in the room answered that for him. 

Dammit.

He could practically feel the entire class holding their breath waiting for their reactions but he wasn't going to give them the damn satisfaction. He wasn't even sure what if reaction should be.

But seriously, out of everyone Aizawa a could've picked?

He knew it was for a reason, it made sense and he hated that it did but it didn't mean he had to like it. He wanted to spend some time away from Deku, let things simmer down slightly, apparently that wasn't allowed to happen.

"Mr Aizaw-"

"I dont remember asking for anyone's opinions,"

He had no idea who even attempted to protest it and he didn’t care.

It was decided then.

The temptation to turn and look at Deku was strong but he resisted it, rolling his eyes instead and focusing on the positives.

Deku was a good opponent, when they actually fought, he pushed Katsuki in a fight, especially recently. There weren't many people who he could say had done that. 

Round Face was one.

Theoretically Icyhot was another, but only in theory.

Aizawa moved on, listing more pairs of names and he could feel everyone's gazes on the back of his head for a few more seconds.

That was one con of sitting at the front of the classroom, there were a lot of pros; he got to ignore everyone behind him, had a good view of the board, could properly hear Aizawa, and was able to focus. It was fucking great.

But it also meant that a lot of people were behind him and they could be doing anything without him knowing it. He didn’t care if they were staring at him or talking about him, he didn’t give a shit but still. It was different when one person was looking at him, compared to the whole damn class staring him down.

 He glared back and a few seconds later their attention was instantly drilled back to Aizawa again. 

He rolled his eyes.

"Hey Kacchan."

Katsuki sat up a little at the whisper of the nerd, quiet enough that no one else would hear. He frowned, the urge to turn around and face him stronger now but he ignored it, it would just drag everyone’s attention back to them again.

“What?” He hissed; whispering wasn’t something Katsuki was great at but it didn’t seem like anyone had heard.

 "Good luck."

The words were spoken with confidence which was really weird. Wow. Deku had some fucking nerve.

His eyes narrowed to slits and he opened his mouth to snap back that he didn't need luck and him winning had nothing to do with it but Deku kept talking, 

"Because...I'm going to win this."

He didn't have a response for that, the pure force of the declaration waging over him. For a few seconds he didn’t know whether to be mad or excited because he was feeling a mixture of fucking finally and what the actual hell Deku.

His mouth pulled up into a dangerous grin and he leaned back in his seat far enough that Deku could hear him without him having to turn around.

"You're fucking on, nerd."

Chapter Text

The tension in the changing rooms was palpable but ironically, Katsuki noticed, this time it wasn't between him and Deku. It was also funny that Deku, who was beside him getting changed looked just as uncomfortable with the whole situation as Katsuki felt. And to him 'the whole situation,' wasn't the fight.

No, he'd promised himself the night in forest that next time he and Deku fought in training he was going to destroy him. That was still the plan because yeah, alright, in the end everything worked out fine but still. 

It was a matter of principle, to show Deku that no, you shouldn't go diving head first into his or anyone else's problems.

He roughly pulled the black tank top over his head 

No, the issue was that everyone else was staring at them and trying to pretend they weren't, which was just fucking weird.

He crouched down trying to ignore the not so subtle eyes on his back and began tying his shoe. It was just a spar, which meant they weren't in hero costumes today which he was partly thankful for, as much as he loved his sometimes it was a pain in the ass to put on.

He glanced up as Deku lowered beside him tying the laces on his red abominations, if his dad saw Deku wearing those maybe he'd finally be on Katsuki’s side in Deku related problems. Although to be fair, Dekus shoes weren't as bad as Shitty Hairs crocs.

"Hey Kacchan." Deku's voice was pretty much a mumble but with how awkwardly quiet the whole changing room was, apart from the fucking grape and dunce whispering amongst themselves in the corner, everyone could hear him.

"What?" He grunted out, they were all listening anyway, why not just speak loudly enough for them to hear?

Did they honestly think he and Deku were going to kill each other or something? It was just sparring, they'd done it before, they'd do it again, they'd both be fucking fine.

"Why is everyone acting really weird?"

This time he spoke at same volume and Katsuki couldn't help the half sneer half smile that spread across his face.

He wouldn't think it often, but nice going nerd.

Almost as soon as Deku spoke life erupted back into the changing room, mildly uneasy conversations with far too much enthusiasm opening up amongst everyone, none of the sparing him or Deku a glance.

Deku had just called them out in the most embarrassing way possible.

Fucking incredible.

Usually he would just yell at them, but Aizawa's warning about his behaviour from the other day still rang loud and clear and he didn't know what the extent of it was. Plus he didn't want to cause a yelling match because from the look in Icy Hot's eye he would definitely retaliate.

"I have to retract some of the stupidness I pinned to you nerd." He said.

Deku glanced at him as he switched to tying his other lace. "You contradict yourself a lot you know."

Katsuki frowned. He was trying his hand at a compliment which was rare for him to give to anyone let alone Deku. So why was he being all weird about it?

"The fuck do you mean?”

Deku spoke absent mindedly, not give Katsuki another look, although he could tell the nerds brow was furrowed.

"You call me a nerd all the time but then you also say I'm an idiot, but then those things are completely opposite." He paused, "Wait, it's funny how they're both opposites but both insults right? You'd think that-"

"Deku shut up, you can be a nerd and an idiot."

"No, you can't."

"Yes, you can. You're living fucking proof."

"But I'm not an idiot."

Katsuki scoffed. This was the last fucking thing he'd expected before their fight, arguing over not Katsuki insulting him, but the fact the insults contradicted each other. 

Wow, this was just further proof that Deku was a goddamn nerd. 

"You're ranked below me in class."

Thank fuck that at least if Deku was getting stronger physically, Katsuki was still above him class wise, otherwise he'd have to throw the fucking nerd out the window.

"I didn't realise anyone not as smart as you was automatically an idiot."

"You’ve known me for like twelve years Deku, what the fuck did you think I classed idiot as?”

He was vaguely aware that the conversations that we're going on around them were starting to quiet again as their own one got louder, but this time he noticed it wasn't in anger, he wasn't feeling the usual need to punch him or something.

He was mildly irritated,of course he was, it was Deku, but it wasn't necessarily terrible talking to him.

Oh fuck, wow did he really just think that about Deku of all fucking people. Deku wasn't terrible to talk to.

What the fuck?

The only explanation that came up was that his head still hadn't caught up on sleep, that the dream the other night was still freaking him out subconsciously or something.

"Yeah, well no, I know that, but I didn't know if everyone who got less than you in tests is an idiot or if it's just me."

Katsuki turned his glare to the eyes he could feel shifting on them again. Well if these fuckers wanted to be part of the conversation so damn bad-

"At least your better than fucking Sparky over here." He pointed at Kaminari, shirt in hand, before he shoved it in his gym bag.  "I know you have at least one brain cell Deku."

"Hey!"

"Kacchan!"

"Sparky, you're fucking last in class and you know it."

"I know you're not wrong, but you don't call bros out like that bro."

Katsuki scoffed and rolled his eyes, but it felt good. It proved things between him and Sparky were normal. The cupcakes he gave him were complete shit, he wasn't sure how they'd managed to screw up so badly but he was happy things weren't awkward, especially after his reaction to the attempted hug. Which honestly was just a weird thing for Kaminari to try anyway. 

But whatever.

"Don't be fucking stupid then."

Deku sighed behind him and his lip twitched up. It was so damn easy to get the nerd- annoyed_wasn't the right word. Exasperated. That was it.

It was really fucking easy to make Katsuki angry sure, but it was, or used to be really fucking easy to make Deku cry, now it was easy to just make him...exasperated.

It was great. Because it wasn't like he was doing anything bad enough to make him cry, Katsuki reckoned he could of he tried, but exasperation meant that he wasn't hurt and it also meant that he was still annoying Deku. So it was a good medium for now.

He finished zipping up his bag.

“Hurry the fuck up dumbass." He said and moved passed him, hitting his shoulder with his own.

He didn't turn back around to see the reactions of everyone else, he didn't want to.

And he didn't turn back when Deku spoke either. "Don't worry Kacchan, I'll be there to beat you in second."

Oh okay then. if nothing else, it confirmed that Deku was spending way too much time around him. He grinned.

xxx

"Aizawa, I know you said you'd be putting the boys together, but so soon?"

Aizawa shrugged, turning to meet his gaze.

All Might stared at the boys in front of them gearing up for a fight. Izuku left his water bottle on the side of room while Bakugo stretched his arms, letting of a few stray sparks.

"There's a lot of tension between the two of them, of course they're going to have to talk but we both known what Midoryia and Bakugo are like." He paused, eyes wondering back to the sparring ground. "Last time emotions got too built up, they fought unsupervised and after curfew. I thought it would make more sense if they were given a way to address the issue in a way they're familiar with but we can also monitor."

He watched them sa Katsuki started bouncing on his feet, hands curling into an almost claw like shape as he prepared an explosion.

"Hopefully, it can prevent another all-out fight between them."

It made sense if they got their feelings out now there'd be less of a chance of it happening later. This time Aizawa wasn't being negligent about their emotional health like Toshinori had been.

"You really care about them don't you Eraser Head?"

"Shut up. No, I don't."

All Might’s lip twitched. "At any rate, at least this time they came to us."

Aizawa sighed, readjusting the capture weapon around his neck, just in case they'd need it, he hoped he wouldn't, "I know. But then you look at what it took for them to do that."

"They're stubborn."

"I wonder who they got that from."

All Might just snorted.

xxx

The mat was soft enough to catch someone if they were thrown but hard enough to walk comfortably across in bare feet without the fear of sinking into it or having it disrupt their flow while sparing. It was also fire resistant.

He met eyes with Deku who was standing across from him, he took note of his wrapped left arm from some past injury and the scars that lined his hands, all bred from his quirk- All Might’s quirk.

Katsuki tuned out the image of Aizawa and All Might a few feet back but still close enough to see comfortably.

He knew Deku was expecting him to throw the first hit and Katsuki wasn't going to prove him wrong.

He flexed his hands then launched himself forward.

He could practically see what was going on in the nerd’s head. Trying to work out whether the first hit would be a feint. That was a fucking problem when Deku fought. That's what Katsuki had tried to tell him. After the last fight Deku wouldn't expect him to feint, wouldn't expect him to do the same thing twice in a row.

He landed the blow, hands sparking, and Deku stumbled backwards, arms not up fast enough to block the brunt of the it.

"Stop overthinking!" He yelled and then charged as Deku stood up, brow furrowed in determination.

But from here he could already see Deku's hand curling into a fist. He was planning to punch then. "Too fucking early, idiot."

He swiped Deku’s legs out from under him, a hand filled with explosions catching his arm as he fell, Deku yelped and Katsuki felt a wave of annoyance was over him, 

"You're meant to fight!"

There was no goddamn point in beating the shit out of him if Deku wasn't going to put everything into it, if he wasn't going to prove why All Might chose him. Katsuki wasn't just going to let him go halfway.

That kicked something into gear.

 A sharp pain shot through Katsuki's wrist as Deku twisted under him and he only saw a smash of green before something smashed into the side of his head sending him skidding across the mat.

His head throbbed.

Motherfucker.

Green flashed in front of him and he barely had time to react-okay-dodge-he's going to kick. 

Deku pulled his leg back way to early, he could guess his next move from a mile away. He shifted on his feet, spinning out of the way, and fired an explosion at Deku’s back. He stumbled forward, nearly face planting on the ground. From his own force and the added one from Katsuki.

Katsuki steadied himself planting his feet in the ground, a dangerous grin grew in his face as he shook out his hand and rolled his shoulder.

This was gonna be fun.

---------

His hands hit the ground before the rest of his body could but he could already feel Kacchan on the move behind him.

Right hook. He rolled to the left. The ground next to him blew up.

He exhaled a sharp breath and clamoured to his feet. One for All was running through his entire body, he felt almost high with energy.

He sidestepped and aimed a kick at the back of Kacchan's knee.

The expression that lit his face was furious. Eyes narrowed and feral as he stumbled using explosions to try and balance himself out again.

"Shit."

He moved quick to avoid the wave of heat sent his way although the burning pain stung, he couldn't focus on it-and oh Kacchan was going to kill him for this.

He grabbed the arm aimed at him, adjusted his footing and threw Kacchan over his shoulder like he did in their first training exercise.

Kacchan didn't yell but a breathless groan escaped from between his lips.

Izuku knew it didn't really matter what happened in the end, either way Kacchan was probably going to yell at him. If Izuku won Kacchan would be pissed that he won. If he lost, Kacchan would be mad that All Might's successor lost.

So really there was no winning here, not when he came to the aftermath.

But beating Kacchan would be great. Taking down his symbol of victory would be a step to living up to The symbol of Peace, both win and save.

He had to win.

He had to.

Kacchan stood up quickly hands tensing at his sides, a scowl spread across his face and for few seconds they just looked at eachother, breaths equally as fast and heavy 

Izuku felt the power of one of all moving through his body again sending another wave of adrenaline through his him.

He twisted, trying to take Kacchan's advice, don't show what you’re going to do too early- and threw his leg up for a kick.

Kacchan was still mildly winded and he was moving quickly so Kacchan would have to dodge and then he had to-

Kacchans arms crossed in front of his in a block.

Oh crap.

Izuku heard the sharp all too familiar snapping sound and prepared for the searing pain racing up his leg- damn it he hadn't broken anything in so long-

But-But it never came.

Instead, "Motherfucker!"

Shit.

Had he just-he just- he just broke Kacchan’s arm, didn't he?

At least that gave him an opening. And he knew Kacchan wouldn't want him to ask if he was okay. He snapped his mouth shut before the words could escape.

For half a second, he thought that Kacchan would give up the fight then he was reminded it was Kacchan with a violent explosion to the side of his head making him stumble back from the searing heat.

He wasn't using his broken arm, was he? He'd only ever used Kacchan’s gauntlet once but that had had a hell of a backlash on his shoulder, it almost could've dislocates it, so he knew Kacchan’s explosions must have some kind of effect that couldn't be good on top of a snapped bone and- stop. Focus.

The smoke cleared and Izuku took a second to take in the one arm that was hung limply at his side while the other was gearing up another blow.

If he wanted to keep fighting Izuku wasn't going to stop him.

All for one rushed through his body again and he planted his get firmly on the ground, inhaling smoke. And pulled his arm back. Through the smoke he could see Kacchan doing the same, his palm sparking.

He had to win this.

He took a running step forward. 

He had to, he had to, he had to, he had to-

He prepared to throw the punch, the explosion in Kacchan’s hand was growing he could feel the heat from it already.

Red met green.

They both jumped.

He was going to win.

. . . .

He stumbled half way through the air, one for all disappearing. His bones were too heavy and he was falling and One for All wasn't working and Kacchan was still coming at him and All Might was still watching and-

He flinched preparing for the explosion but that didn't come either.

...what?

He barely had time to raise his arms in front of his face before Kacchan barrelled into him.

"Fuck!"

They landed nearly on top of each other in a tangled mess and Kacchan growling out more swear words as Izuku scrambled as quickly as he could to get of his broken arm. He tried to ignore the pain in the side of his head and the mild twinge in his leg from landing awkwardly. 

What had- 

"What the hell asshole?"

Oh. 

(ow)

The dark figure walking towards them answered the question for him. 

Eraser head.

The hall was silent apart from the sounds of footsteps and heavy breathing though the air still smelt of a mixture between smoke and burnt sugar.

"Shit." Kacchan muttered, then, "See dumbass." He pushed himself up, a mixture of a scowl and disguised pain painting his face. "This is why I said we couldn't do that fight in training."

Izuku nodded. He got it now, Aizawa had stopped them before things got to serious, before they blew out the roof of the building. But he couldn't help the underwhelming feeling that planted in his stomach, although it made it easier to ignore how he was sore all over.

But he'd broken Kacchan’s arm, he knew logically he should feel bad, but that meant something. If they'd been somewhere they were allowed to continue he would've won right?

"Is your-" He took a deep breath, trying to get his breath back. "Is your arm okay?"

"It's fucking fine."

Izuku brought his own hand up to the throbbing side of his head, a faint ringing becoming more noticeable. He could make out Kacchan sighing but it sounded reluctant, the next question answered why.

"You okay nerd?"

He was well aware that Kacchan was asking about his health but wasn't going to draw attention to it out loud. "My ear's ringing."

"Yeah, it's burnt as fuck. So's your shoulder."

Izuku was well aware if the incessant pain was anything to go by.

The light around Izuku dimmed and he looked up to see the tired figure of Aizawa, eyes underlined with bags, prominent as always.

"All Might wanted to let the fight keep going," he said, voice deadpan, "that's why I'm the better teacher and why you ended up unconscious the first time you fought."

That sounded like an All Might thing to do, although he was thankful that All Might hadn't stopped their fight the first time round, he was injured but had won. 

Although now it made sense. There was no saying what would've happened if Aizawa hadn't stepped in. The both knew that Kacchan would break himself to try and win, broken arm or not.

"I'm going to assume, “ Aizawa continued, “this means I'm not going to half to deal with any fights after curfew?"

The question was rhetorical but Midoryia answered anyway. "Yeah, we promise."

Kacchan didn't say anything.

"Good.” He gave them a once over but the unconcerned look on his face didn’t shift. “In that case you should both go the nurse, get your arm fixed up Bakugo."

Kacchan grumbled a 'fine' in response, shooting a look at him before rolling his shoulders and stopping suddenly, Izuku didn't miss the wince on his face.

He wanted to stay longer to talk to Aizawa and All Might, even talk to Kacchan about whatever had just happened but he'd already turned away from him, beginning to stomp back toward the school. 

He pulled himself out of his thoughts and Kacchan was already a few feet away. Izuku couldn’t help but run to catch up with him.

They walked side by side and were silent for the most part, Izuku was doing his best to hide the mild limp and workshop what to say while Kacchan's arm hung at his side.

“Are you annoyed?” Izuku asked and then a few seconds later realised just how stupid the question sounded when he remembered who he was talking to.

“I’m usually annoyed but whatever."

Well- he- he couldn’t argue with that.

“I mean about the fight?” he continued, trying to ignore the ringing in his ear which still hadn’t gone away yet, “That we didn’t get to finish it?”

“Yes.” He took a deep breath, “But this won’t be the last time we fight so don’t fucking worry about.”

“Oh no I wasn’t worrying about it, I just- I wish we could’ve finished it."

“Next time."

He hadn’t been expecting that, he hadn’t been expecting for Kacchan to willing chose to spend any time with him, but here he was, saying they could train together. This time he felt like he had actually come close to properly winning, but he still had Kacchan yelling instructions. Which meant he could still get better.

“Really?" He grinned, "Okay."

As they passed the other training grounds, he could feel their classmates’ eyes on them, but he just smiled in response, trying in some way to let them know that he was fine. Kacchan didn't even look their direction.

He took a cautious few steps forward till he was standing right next to him again and when he got no response he started speaking. "I'm sorry I broke your arm, I know it hurts."

Kacchan scoffed and Izuku couldn't help the smile that broke out on his face because that was the last thing he was expecting.

"It makes up for the time I pushed you down the stairs in middle school."

"You didn't break my arm though."

Kacchan turned to look at him, eyes wide with disbelief and burning with frustration, But not necessarily any more than usual

"Did you miss the part where I said I pushed you down the fucking stairs?"

Izuku couldn't help but laugh, he remembered that day, he'd actually thought he'd broken his arm but it turned out it was just sprained, still though, for some reason he found the fact that Kacchan remembered it, or in own way, was saying that Izuku had every right to break his arm in return so Kacchan of him. 

He wasn't saying sorry, but he was acting like he deserved it, and Izuku understood that that was Kacchan’s way of trying to fix...something- between them.

"The hell are you laughing about nerd?"

"Nothing. Nothing."

He didn’t say anything else. The rest of the walk back to recovery girl’s office was in silence but not a tense one like it had been for years.

Izuku knocked on the door before slipping it open, Kacchan was behind him and although he was tempted to hold the door open for him, he knew he wouldn't appreciate it so he stepped fully inside instead. 

It was white and sterile as always, charts about various health ailments lining the walls and some other poster about the importance of getting your five a day.

All things considered; this place was practically his home from home.

"Hey, Recovery girl? We...um, have a problem."

She couldn't be that mad at him this time, it wasn't his own fault.

"Ah, Izuku Midoryia." She said, coming out from one of the smaller washrooms to the side, and no he didn’t almost jump, "Why am I not surprised? what did you break this ti-" She stopped short as her gaze landed on both of them, drifting from his burns to Kacchan’s arm. "So, you've moved on from breaking yourself to breaking other people I see."

He let out an awkward laugh, scratching uncomfortably at the back of his neck, "Um...yeah, I guess."

It always entertained him to see Recovery Girl rolling her eyes and he wasn’t quite sure why yet, but when she nodded her head toward the bed he smiled and shuffled over to it. The relief taken of his leg when he sat down was better than he expected it to be, he must’ve done something pretty bad to it in the landing. Or crashing was probably more appropriate.  

The mattress sank as Kacchan sat down next to him, eyes scanning the room as Recovery Girl moved into one of the side rooms to grab something. Most likely some cream for his burns if he remembered correctly.

He could feel Kacchan’s gaze on the side of his head, concentrated, neutral, and he turned to look at him. His eyes were...calculating. It was unnerving.

“What?”

He was expecting something about the fight some kind of frustration or declaration of war, not-

“Yesterday was your mum’s birthday. I think we kinda screwed it up.”

Chapter Text

Kacchan was right. He’d completely messed up his mum’s birthday, more than that even, he’d made her cry yesterday. A sick feeling formed in the pit of his stomach and he hunched over trying to make himself as small as possible. He promised-he’d promised he wasn’t going to make her worry anymore and then he did this to her, to the person who had always been there for him.

He remembered all his past birthday’s, his fourth birthday party where they’d sent out invitations only for no one to come, his seventh birthday party where they’d just given up trying to invite people after three years in a row of having the same amount of party bags left as they'd started with. The tradition from then onwards was that it was just him and his mum and All might movies and cake. For both of their birthdays. And he’d left her alone and made her cry.

“Shit.” He muttered shoulders slumping down and rubbing a hand across his face. He hadn’t even been able to give her the present he bought; he hadn’t even wished her happy birthday.

“Fuck, you’re swearing?” Kacchan’s voice brought him back to reality. “We really have been spending too much time together.”

“Kacchan this is serious.”

(Aunt Mitsuki had forced Kacchan to come over once on his sixth birthday. Kacchan wasn’t happy about it. Izuku didn’t like to think about it.)

“So am I, All Might would be so disappointed to know that you just cursed-“

“Kaccha-“

“When he said we could learn from each other I really don’t think that’s what he mean-“

“Kacchan. Stop.” Surprisingly this time he did. “What am I meant to do? You know what my mum gets like when she’s worried, and it’s because of us.”

“She doesn’t need to worry about me.”

Deku rolled his eyes, frustration reaching simmering point. This wasn’t about them. “I know, she knows, the whole world knows Kacchan but people can’t exactly just turn it on and off,”

He froze after he realised the words had actually left his mouth… out loud… to Kacchan. That… was not what he intended to say. But he wasn’t going to retract the statement either, or apologise because it was true. Just because someone worries about you doesn’t mean they don’t think you’re capable, just that they want the best outcome for you. They don’t want you to be hurt or disappointed.

As much as Izuku hated the idea of disappointing people, since coming to UA he’d learnt it was kind of nice to have people worry about you, as bad that sounded. Because it meant they cared, and he hadn’t had that a lot before apart from his mum. It also meant there were more people to disappoint if he screwed stuff up. The thought made his stomach twist again. All he seemed to do was disappoint people.

He exhaled a shaky breath, gripping the blanket of the bed he was sitting on, focusing on the coarse fabric. That was a problem to unpack another day, preferably after this was finished. Maybe Kacchan could even help him with it.

Stop. You’re getting you hopes too high.

“Look,” Kacchan said and he sounded exasperated. “If you’re that worried about her, I’m going out later anyway. I can give her the present you got her or some shit.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay, I can go,” he scratched at the back of his neck awkwardly, gaze falling to his knees. “I need to say sorry to her anyway.”

“For what? You haven’t done anything.”

“I made her cry.”

Kacchan scoffed. “That wasn’t your fault dumbass, just-“ he hesitated. “Bad timing.”

“I co-“

“Okay, boys.” Recovery Girl's voice made him jump as she wondered back in. He snapped his mouth shut. “Midoryia,” she handed him a small tube. “Put this on some of the smaller burns along your neck, I’ll get to healing you now. Katsuki dear, stand up for me,”

He thought he heard Kacchan grumble something about not being a dear but he obliged anyway, wincing as he accidentally jostled his arm.

He needed to focus on here and now, he could visit his mum later. Just get fixed first.

He shook the remaining thoughts from his head, he had practise trying not to let things get to him. Externally and internally.

Focus on Kacchan.

Izuku grimaced on his behalf, he knew how sore a broken arm could be, the scars lining his own arms were proof of that. It was probably worrying that he got so used to the pain of it, but he was getting better, he hadn’t actually broken anything in a while.

The tell tale sounds of Recovery Girl kissing Kacchan's cheek and him slumping back down next to him, looking slightly more dazed than he was before prompted him to stand up, dropping the burn cream onto the bed next to him.

“Honestly,” she said as she shuffled toward him. “I don’t know why those teachers let you hurt each other as much as you do.”

She planted a quick kiss on his cheek and almost instantly he could feel the effects as the throbbing burn on his shoulder faded and the ringing in his ear got quieter and quieter. The tiredness hit him like truck. He and Kacchan probably weren’t the best people to be getting treatment that used up their own energy. He was convinced for the last few days they’d both been surviving of adrenaline and high running emotions.

“It’s what we have to do if we want to be heroes I guess.” He muttered, his voice came out more quietly than he expected and he pushed down the urge to yawn. His bones felt heavy.

The offer of just giving his mums present to Kacchan seemed a lot more appealing now but even the thought made him feel guilty. He shook his head trying to wake himself up a little.

“Thank you, Recovery Girl.” He glanced at Kacchan over his shoulder. “We should probably get back to class now.”

She frowned at him and Izuku really hoped she wouldn’t force them to stay and rest because he had barely focused in class yesterday and still needed to catch up. Even if the training periods weren’t over, he could still copy up notes he'd missed.

“Fine,” she said, but she didn’t sound happy about it. “But get some rest when you go back to the dorms.”

“Of course,” he smiled. “Kacchan are you coming?”

He rolled his eyes but pushed himself up from the bed, both arms fully functional again, “Fuck off Deku.”

He internalised his sigh. “Okay.” His lip twitched, “Thank you again Recovery Girl, I- we really appreciate it.”

She shook her head sending him a rueful smile. “I’m just doing my job.”

Kacchan rolled his eyes, and shouldered past him with the arm that was broken less than a minute ago and Deku sent her one last smile over her shoulder before catching the door just before it closed and following Kacchan out into the hall.

"If you're going out," he knew he was pushing it now, but he had to toe the line of he ever wanted to find out how far he could go. "Can I come with you?"

Kacchan's eyebrows furrowed with confusion, eyes narrowed but he kept his gaze fixed ahead of him. 

"No."

His shoulder slumped in disappointment; he hadn't been expecting him to say yes but the lack of hesitation stung a little. Maybe it was for the best. Pushing was good sometimes, other times something didn’t move for a reason.

But they still had time before they got to the classroom-or wherever else it was Kacchan was leading them.

"How do you think I was?" He asked, decidedly changing the subject, and combat was usually a good bet if he was talking to Kacchan. "In the fight?"

"Better. You still started way too fucking early sometimes but then you fixed it."

Deku grinned.

"You were great too! I mean, you always are so it’s not even surprising anymore, I told you that's why I wanted to catch up with you right? Because you're incredible-"

He wasn't rambling intentionally he just genuinely couldn't remember the last time he had felt this comfortable talking freely around him.

"Dumbass," The spell was broken. "Do you actually have present for Aunt Inko or what?"

Oh, so they weren’t finished talking about this then. "No, no, I do, I promise, I just want to see her."

"I already said I’m going anyway, it's the weekend in two days can't you wait till then?"

If it was weird him offering before it was even worse now.

"Why don't you want me to come?"

The 'apart from the obvious reasons' was left hanging in the air.

"I'm sure you can work out an answer,"

He was going to ask again but the sudden memory of something Todoroki said to him at camp came flashing back. He grimaced. Stop pushing into personal things.

First Todoroki then Koda now Kacchan.

There was obviously a pattern, but sometimes he couldn’t help it, like All might said, meddling where you didn’t need to is the essence of being a hero.

Honestly so far in action it had had it’s positive and negative responses.

But then again, a lot of it could be attributed to-

"Fucking hell Deku."

The outburst had a real frustrated edge to it, one that would've used to make Midoryia flinch away from him but this time he only paused, eyes widening in surprise.

"What?"

It wasn't difficult to set Kacchan off but usually there was at least some kind of indicator unless it was just his existence in the nearby area in general, and he felt that they'd gotten past that.

"Always with the goddamn mumbling. Do you know how weird it is asshole?”

He hadn’t even realised he was mumbling, and while he could've worded it more nicely it made sense. Kacchan always hated when he muttered.

Everyone always had.

That's why he still found it difficult to believe that Todoroki was telling him the truth when he said he didn't mind it when they were studying.

He shifted on his feet, mouth twisting downwards. 

"Sorry.”

It was funny that the voice in the back of his head telling him to stand up for himself sounded like Uraraka but when he properly thought about it, not all that surprising. She’d been there in his corner since the start. She’d really managed to help change things for him, she was the reason behind his new view on the name Deku. the thought made him smile slightly.

He set his shoulders-okay maybe his muttering was annoying but the reaction was a little harsh. And they were trying to work on their relationship so this could be a start.

He knew there was thin line between bantering with Kacchan, which he mostly only ever did with Kirishima, Izuku couldn't think of any instance that concerned him apart from the changing room today but it was progress. And it was actually fun being able to interact with him with minimal amounts of anxiety. But then there was the other, much more angry, much less joking side that he was more familiar with.

He did not want to get those mixed up. And he knew Kacchan could switch at the drop of hat, he was like a ticking time bomb that way.

But no, serious or not, he had to say something.

"You could've just asked me to stop Kacchan. You didn't have to yell."

He rolled his eyes and laughed, but it was humourless. "I gave you too much fucking credit. Thought you might have at least an ounce of self-awareness."

"I do."

"Fuck off, Deku. You don't."

That could definitely depend on what your definition of self-awareness was, but Izuku was pretty sure that he had some..

Admittedly, maybe in middle school he didn't. The dream of wanting to be a hero while not having a quirk was a good example. And although he still didn’t like what All Might had told him or how he said it, even he had to reluctantly admit he was right. If Izuku was still quirkless, he would’ve been killed in any and all the situations they’d been in so far. Period. He never even would’ve made it far enough into the school to get to that point, if he made it there at all.

But, even if he wasn’t self-aware once, he was now. He understood the consequences of being a hero, he knew he needed to work on his power, he knew he had to stop breaking bones, he understood the gravity of the situation. He was self-aware, at least in the way that was really important and-

“Deku, I am going to drown you in your own damn tears if you don’t shut up.”

Ah- okay, maybe he was thinking too deeply into what Kacchan meant. He hadn’t even registered that his mouth had started moving again. Being self-aware about his surroundings, his mumbling, that made more sense.

“Look,” Kacchan sighed deeply and he made a pointed effort to not interrupt the second of silence. “You can visit your mum or whatever Deku I don’t give a fuck but I was going to give her a present too.”

“Wait, really? They why don’t we both jus-“

“But I’m not going to if you’re going to be there so just make it quick okay? Text me when you leave.”

He stared at Kacchan with furrowed brows. He wasn’t going to lie, he had a lot of questions.

“Why can’t we-“

“None of your business. Stop prying.”

Okay, he could take a message when he shown it.

It didn’t sound like Kacchan was guilt tripping him, not on purpose at least, that was never really his style anyway. If he was truly trying to get to Izuku, aggression was always on the top of his list. But it almost felt like he was, even by accident. It was obvious he wanted to see Izuku’s mum, for whatever reasons. Reading between the lines he could tell there was something more to it then just giving her a present and he didn’t want to get in the way of that, even if it did confuse him.

But the aching need to see her, to apologise also wasn’t just something he was going to give up so Kacchan could talk to her for ages or do whatever else it was he needed to.

So different times it would be, even if It was cutting his time with his mum short. That felt like a fair compromise.

He didn’t mean to be paranoid about Kacchan in situations like this, it wasn’t a conscious choice but as much as he hated to admit it, he found it difficult to trust him. Never in combat, or a life and death situation, he knew that they’d always save each other, but in everyday issues, things like this.  

He knew it sounded selfish to think that Kacchan really thought that much about him, that he would be guilt tripping Deku out of seeing his mum just so that he could talk to her. But just in general, when he and Kacchan talked about anything, he was always looking for some kind trick. Because that’s what he was used to from him, that in the end it was just another way to try and hurt him.

At least that's what it was like in middle school when Kacchan seemed to make a conscious effort to isolate him from everyone. Sometimes, it was hard to get over stuff like that. He felt bad about it because he knew Kacchan wasn’t like that anymore, but it was difficult to make it stop.

Aizawa was right, he was never opposed to the idea but meeting with a counsellor to talk about this stuff would help a lot.

“Okay,” he said, “I’ll go after school's done, I’ll let you know when I’m gone.”

“Good.”

He waited for a few seconds, hoping that a thank you might be tagged onto the end but he knew it wasn’t going to happen. He hadn’t expected one.

They headed back to classroom to grab their notes, both walking in silence, too drained to really say anything more than they already had. And made their way back to the main training grounds so they could get caught up with notes.

Midoryia frowned to himself as his pen flew across the paper in barely legible chicken scratch, as he sat on the bench at the side, a few feet away from All Might and Aizawa, Kacchan a bit further down.

He was trying to work out what to say to his mum, what Kacchan was going to say to her because he liked to think he was good at reading people, but on this he had no idea. He guessed it didn’t really matter because Kacchan was never going to tell him anyway.

He jumped as a voice over his shoulder interrupted his flow of thought.

“Relax Young Midoryia, it’s just me.”

Wherever he went, All Might managed to carry a calm energy with him, one that Midoryia was greatly appreciative of when he was feeling mildly nervous.

“Oh, Hi, sorry All Might.”

He set down his pen, closing his notebook and shuffling up so there was enough room for All Might to sit next to him.

“No worries, I just thought that I should tell you you were good in the fight earlier. You’re getting stronger.”

His lip twitched up. “Thank you, I still need to work out the timing on my attacks but Kacchan said that I’m getting better too, so that must mean something.”

All Might laughed, now that he was stuck in his smaller body the sound wasn’t booming or echoing like it used to be, but it was comforting all the same, when it wasn’t followed by spits of blood. “Ah yes, a compliment from young Bakugo must mean you’re getting somewhere kid.”

“I hope so.” His voice came out quieter than he intended and he wasn’t sure why, All Might just told him he did well, Kacchan had complimented him.

“I just wanted to say,” All MIght began, and Izuku could tell from the subtle change of tone that meant it was time for serious talk and honestly, he wasn’t sure how much more of that he could handle. He’d felt fine earlier, but remembering about his mum. Even the fact that it was Kacchan that had to remind him brought his mood crashing own like a pile of rocks. “I’m sorry for saying about your nightmares in front of your mother. You told me that in confidence and I shouldn’t have said anything.”

All Might was apologising to him? “Honestly it’s okay All Might, please do-“

“No, no it’s not. I just thought that because you were helping young Bakugo get help with his own issues that you might’ve already talked about yours. I didn’t mean to make her worry.”

That went without saying. He wanted to protest, that All Might didn’t need to apologise, he hadn’t done anything with bad intent so it was fine, but he knew All Might wouldn’t accept that so he smiled softly.

“Thank you,” he said. “I’m going to see her later actually, so it’s-it’s all okay.”

All Might nodded at him before turning his gaze back out he stretch of training grounds, Midoryia had been making a special effort to pay attention to the rarer pair ups so he could write notes on them later.

“Good, that’s good.”

Midoryia smiled again, and for half a second thought he felt eyes on him, but when he glanced round at Kacchan he was fixed firmly on his work.

It must have been his imagination.

He thought about what All Might said, what Kacchan said.

Maybe everything wasn’t exactly good right now, but it was better.

Chapter Text

Admittedly, it was probably best that Deku went to see Auntie Inko first because he had something that he had to do.

Getting a lecture from Iida for leaving without signing out first was not part of it. He internalised the groan and rolled his eyes and Iida repeated the exact same thing he said about a minute ago.

Yes okay, he got it. No, he hadn’t forgotten about the sign out sheet that Engines was being all uptight about, in fact, it was his own damn fault at getting kidnapped that they had one in the first place, so if someone wasn’t in the dorms, they knew they were purposefully out. But right now, he just had more important things to think about.

“Shut it, four eyes, I’m doing it.”

Usually he was good at tuning people out but Iida’s voice was so fucking annoying that it was literally impossible. He slammed down the pen. “There you fucking go. Happy now?”

“Apart from the unnecessary language, yes, thank you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Great. I’m leaving.”

He shouldered past him with the arm he’d broken earlier that day. Or more accurately the arm that Deku had broken, seriously it hurt like a bitch.

He didn’t want to give Deku any more credit than he already did, because shit, it was Deku. But he ran around with fucking broken bones like that. His pain tolerance must have been incredible. And also the fact that Deku had managed to break his arm. He wasn’t lying when he said he was getting better earlier, which equally annoyed him and relieved him. At least All Might gave his quirk to somebody who was an idiot but could at least, maybe improve.

School had ended about an hour ago, he came back to the dorm, finished his homework, and waited for Deku to leave. He was going to give him an hour and half at Inko’s at most. Mostly because he was afraid that if he waited too much longer, he’d back out of doing what he’d planned.And that was bad because Katsuki didn’t back out of doing anything.

But he had a stop to make first.

xxx

He stood outside the stationary shop for a few seconds, it didn’t look busy inside and through the window he could already see the brand of notebook Deku used. There was no point in questioning whether or not he really wanted to do this, he was already here. He might as well go in.

The door rattled as he opened it and a wave of warmth washed over him, it was nice compared how cold it was getting outside. He wasn't a fan of the cold, his quirk relied on sweat so freezing weather wasn't exactly ideal for him.

His eyes scoured the store.

Damn, this was definitely a little nerd place he could see Deku hanging out in in his spare time. To his left there was a row of All Might themed pencils, it was good to still see his merchandise, to know that even after his true form came out, people still loved him. Then there was row of Endeavour pencils. He was going to ignore those. And then there was the Best Jeanist row and Mountain Lady, and God he’d expect Deku to faint every time he came in here if they sold this much hero stationary. It was two of his favourite things at once.

Part of Katsuki hated that he knew that.

And actually, upon a closer look at an All Might pen… he definitely broke one of those that Deku had a couple of years ago.

Maybe he should…

He swore under his breath and he snatched one of the pens. He wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.

He stomped down to the end of the store and grabbed the notebook. Giving it a over to make sure it was the right one and yes it was.

He ignored the voice in his head that was yelling at him to wise the fuck up and leave everything the way it was meant to be and just forget about it, but the other side was fighting back just as hard telling him that he had been a little shit and that he had to do this, even if it felt weird and so out of place and Deku wouldn’t shut up about it for million years.

Urgh, the things he’d do for this nerd.

But the faster he could do it the better.

He moved to the till, shoving the pen and notebook at the cashier. He scowled at the desk and then glanced up at the woman in front of him, she wasn’t old, maybe a couple of years older than him but the smile on her face made him want to blow something up. This was not a good situation for him. Stop smiling. 

“All Might fan, huh?” she scanned the pen. “And this notebook? You know what, I have a kid that comes in here sometimes, always getting exactly this. You two would be good friends.”

Seriously? He couldn’t even go to a damn shop with out Deku being brought up, because he had no doubt that was who she was talking about. His house was really nearby.

He scoffed, “Yeah, I don't care.”

His voice was rough but the smile from her face didn’t drop.

“Whatever.” She bagged everything, and handed to him. Damn, he was being an asshole again wasn’t he, what could he say it’s what he did best. But he made an effort to not just snatch the bag from her. He was being unfair, she was just doing her job, he could do manners if he wanted.

 “Hope you have a good day!” but fuck, she sounded so cheery.

“Yeah, thanks. You too,” he just sounded dead inside.

He inhaled deeply as he exited the shopping, stepping back into the busy street and cold air, he’d preferred it in there, it was quiet, nice. Out here was just frantic. That’s what he got for going shopping at rush hour.

But still, this was the easy part.

He pulled out his phone, checking the time. Deku must’ve been there at least an hour now. Time to kick him out. He didn’t text Deku often, or like, ever, so it was weird pulling up his number on the phone. For minute he’d been concerned that he didn’t actually have it, but he did, their mum’s must have forced them. There was no other way he (in the past at least) would willingly have Deku’s phone number.

He would text but there was no way to know if Deku was actually going to see it. He pressed call.

As the phone rang, he realised this was the second time he called in about the span of three days. That was more then he ever had in his life.

It was weird. The whole fucking thing was weird. He was calling Deku, he was buying Deku stuff to apol- nope. Crap he couldn’t even fucking think it.

This was entirely the nerd’s fault.

And seriously if he didn’t pick up in the next five seconds Katsuki was just going to bur-

“Hi Kacchan.”

“Have you left yet?”

“Um- no, I’m just finishing my drink” oh, of course he was, “I’ll go in five minutes.”

“Fucking-“ he sighed, “Fine, does your mum know I’m coming?”

“No, I don’t think so, do you want me to tell her?”

“Fine. But be gone in five minutes Deku. I’m not joking.”

“I know Kacchan. I’ll-I’ll see you later I guess?”

“Not if I can avoid it.”

Nope. No, he couldn’t avoid it because he was planning to try and do this all tonight. He said he would and he fucking would, that’s the way Katsuki worked. Also, the sooner he did it, the sooner he’d hopefully feel better.

Not that he was doing this purely to erase his guilt and trying to make himself seem like some kind of semblance of ‘not so much of an asshole,’ but he also felt that Deku deserved to know, that maybe the things Katsuki said weren’t completely true and the things he did weren’t right and he was sorr- and that he regretted it. (Deku was still a pain in the ass. That was always going to be true)

He decided, eventually, that it was too cold to do anything outside so he might as well just wait outside the apartment, it was beginning to get cold anyway.

A minute later he was sat on the ground, legs crossed, bag in his lap, as he waited next to front door. What had his life fucking come to?

He pulled out his phone to play some useless games and at least five minutes later, the door to the apartment clicked open.

“Yeah, of course, bye mum, love you.”

He rolled his eyes. God Deku was such a nerd.

“Dumbass.” he called.

Deku jumped and then turned, mouth pulled into a hard frown that relaxed when he noticed him. “Oh, hi Kacchan, I was just about to text you but I guess-“

“Yeah, yeah whatever, go back to the dorms.”

Deku looked like he wanted to say something else but in the end just smiled awkwardly.

“Sure, I’ll see you later,” he moved to walk away but hesitated for a couple of seconds, “Don’t do anything that might upset her.”

Did he really think that low of him?

“I know you won’t but you know what my mum’s like and she’s not exactly happy with you right now so-“

“I’ve got it." he just wanted to get rid of Deku as fast a possible now. "Bye.”

“Bye.”

He was happy to see him turn the corner at the end of the hall.

That meant that he could actually do this now.

Plan. Part 1.

He knocked on the door, it opened a few seconds later and Inko was standing in front of him.

“Katsuki,” her voice sounded off, and her eyes were rimmed lightly with pink, she must have been crying again. Instantly any confidence he'd been forcing himself to have for this dropped slightly and his stomach twisted; he couldn’t help but feel like that was indirectly his fault. Who was he kidding? Of course it was.

Her lip curled upwards, but the smile didn’t she reach her eyes, “Come on in, I put the kettle on before you came. Izuku said you were coming.”

He bit the inside of his cheeks, and nodded slightly, stepping in the apartment. Maybe this wasn’t going to be as easy as he thought.

Fuck, he hadn’t been here in a long ass time.

The house still looked the same so far, as he followed Inko into the living him. Shit, did Deku still have the All Might name plate?  What the hell-although to be fair, he’d heard stories from Kirishima about what Deku’s room looked like at the dorms. It made him really fucking glad that he missed the room competition.

But everything in the house, Including the name plate, was still the same. it was like rewinding back time to when he was a kid.

It felt almost nostalgic to be back there, he was pretty sure the last time he come over was when they were six. It was Deku’s birthday party and the hag had forced him to go. He bit his tongue, that was the first time he’d burnt Deku with his quirk, although he was pretty sure it was accident. He could admit, a lot of the other times after that weren’t.

“Do you want to sit down? I’ll bring in the cups.”

Aunt Inko wasn’t fragile, well, maybe a bit, but even compared to yesterday she looked tired, and upset… and slightly annoyed?

“Do you need any help?”

It didn’t matter how she looked anyway, he liked Aunt Inko, he wasn’t going to be a fucking asshole to her.

“No, no, I’ve got it, you sit down,” her voice drifted in from the kitchen, “We’ve got a lot to talk about.”

He wasn’t sure how to respond to that so he lowered himself into the sofa that was a little too soft for his liking.

He noticed his hands were slightly shaky again, he didn’t know why he was suddenly so goddamn nervous, it was just Aunt Inko but he didn’t have any threads on the jumper he wore, so he shoved them in his pockets instead.

He let his eyes drift slowly across the room. From the TV playing some sitcom in silence, to the family pictures on the table in the corner. They were left out in the open but he still felt like he was invading her privacy, especially since they were taken when Deku was baby and his dead-beat dad was still around.

“Here.”

No, Inko’s voice didn’t fucking make him jump. Shut up. She set the cup of tea down on the small coffee table in front of him and shuffled around to the chair.

“Thanks.” He said.

It was too fucking late for him to realise he wasn’t sure what he was actually going to say. He hadn’t actually fucking planned this. He wasn’t good with fucking words, or comforting people when they were crying which he should’ve known was going to be a given when this idea even first popped into his head.

He was interrupted from his thoughts by a deep intake of breath.

“I think I should go first.”

Well, thank fuck for that. He just nodded.

“I- “ she paused. That wasn’t a good start. “I don’t know if I can look at you the same way after what you’ve done to Izuku.”

But not unexpected. “I know.”

He didn’t know what to expect, it was obvious Inko was going to be pissed at him.

“I knew- I knew you two weren’t friends but I never thought that it was this bad, and for this long.”

“We weren’t lying the other night. Things are getting better between us.”

He wasn’t sure what else to add on. That should be comforting right? And it was true. Should he tell her that Deku broke his arm or was that weird thing to bring up?

“I believe you, since getting into UA Izuku’s been happier and I know he’s braver now, stronger.”

He wanted to say yes, agree with her, but fuck, he didn’t want to say out loud that that was true. He needed to fucking get over himself.

He still needed to stop trying to justify things in his head.

And yeah, he was doing better but trying to change your opinion overnight was never going to work especially with something like this. He didn’t think he’d ever like Deku. Eventually he was sure he could work with him with minimal fights, tolerate him? Sure. He was trying, he was trying so fucking hard, but some part of him, a part he probably wasn’t very proud of was always going to think Deku was Deku. Think that every time Deku asked if he was okay he was insulting him. And he hated it. He fucking hated that he had drilled so many lies into himself that he couldn’t get rid of them, not instantly anyway.

He didn’t have to like Deku he didn’t have to be friends with Deku but he should be able to admit he was strong. Hell, earlier he’d practically told him himself.

“Yeah,” he said, he hated how reluctant it sounded. “He is.”

Aunt Inko opened her mouth to say something else but he decided in the point blanc 0.2 seconds that if he wanted to do this then he just had to do it. He’d already admitted something he didn’t want to out loud. He thought this would be easy but being here and doing it the whole thing felt very real, vulnerable. he never did things like this. But time to rip of the band-aid and then he could get out of here as fast as possible.

“I was wrong.” It hurt to admit. “I was an asshole and I treated him like shit and I still do sometimes but I’m trying to fix things.” He sighed. “I know it went really fucking wrong the other night but it made me think, and I felt bad and with other shit I was dealing with it made me realise some things. Namely, how I treated Deku.”

Aunt Inko was silent for second, eyes widening. And the air around him became a little harder to breathe.

“Don’t call him that.”

He didn’t miss a beat. “How I treated Izuku.”

The name felt like a foreign language on his tongue, it didn’t feel right, but he was doing this for Inko and he was going to do it right.

He noticed her eyes begin to sparkle with tears and as she reached up hand to wipe her eyes, he almost fucking panicked before he remembered that she cried at everything and this wasn’t necessarily a good or bad sign yet.

Another few seconds went by and his own heart beat in his ears mixed with her crying was becoming too fucking loud, even thought it was near silent.

“Aunt Inko?” he prompted. Wow, this was so uncomfortable.

“I can’t forgive you instantly you know that.” she sounded surprisingly, cold and composed, “We both know that Izuku forgives people far too easily.”

That was true.

“I’m still- I’m still angry at you, but I also know that you wouldn’t have said anything like that to me a year ago.”

Well, things had changed since a year ago. Now or never. “I’m sorry.”

It was easier to say sorry to Inko because it was Inko, because she had never been the person he'd intended to hurt. She wasn't the person that he fucking hated for years. But was he going to apologise to Deku yet? Fuck no, things were improving, he had a plan that might help, but actually saying those words to him yet? He couldn't see it happening. He couldn't see himself able to say that too him. Maybe eventually, but not in the foreseeable future. it didn't matter what Aizawa said.

The only other people he had said that to were All Might and the hag, but she deserved to hear them, he had to fucking say them. Even if they were the hardest words to push out of his mouth.

“I’ve always been so worried,” she said, and this is where her voice became a little more watery. “But he’d never tell me anything and I- I-“

She couldn’t finish the sentence; stale tears were streaming down her cheeks and Katsuki felt frozen in his seat.

He hadn’t realised how hard this was on her how much he had affected Deku that Inko had been this worried. It had never been meant to affect Inko. The thought made him feel sick again, but he shoved it down, nudging the bag with the notebook to remind himself that he had it. He was trying to fix things.

He glanced up at Inko again, still in tears, over her kid, over Deku and for second-

He knew he was being stupid, he knew his mum cared abut him, loved him, but for some reason seeing how much Inko cared about Deku-

His mum blamed him for his own kidnapping.

He blamed himself for his own kidnapping. For All Might, for Deku for-

"Fuck." He muttered

“Katsuki?”

He was snapped back to reality at the sound of her voice. His hands were still shaking slightly.

Crap. he'd zoned out going down a trail of things that he desperately didn't want to think about and had tried to avoid all day. it was like a spiral, he thought about his mum and how disappointed she was that he was weak enough to be taken (Aizawa said he wasn't weak, he believed him) and it went from there.

“Katsuki, look at me,”

"I'm fine."

He shook his head trying to shake out the thoughts. He did not want to go down that road right now- shit.

“Katsuki, honey, look at me.”

He did, even if it was reluctantly, "I'm fine." He repeated, voice sounding a little more aggressive then he'd intented. Yeah, she was being nice or whatever, but even if he was getting help he still didn't want to be babied.

She grabbed his hands, holding them tightly in her own, capturing the shaking. And he didn't try to stop her despite the rising irritation, it wasn't aimed at her.

Her hands were warm and soft, and his tea was still sitting on the table and of course he should’ve known that just because he hadn’t had nightmare last night that everything wasn’t back to normal again so he shouldn't have been surprised when his thoughts had wondered down that road again. Sure wasn't that the whole reason why he was here to apologise in the first place?

Damn fucking thoughts playing on loops.

“Are you okay?”

"Fucking incredible.”

“Can I give you a hug? Just for me… for what you said?”

Katsuki didn’t like hugs, he didn’t like being touched, he didn’t like this.  But he read between the lines. This was how she comforted people. He didn’t want to deprive her of that.

He nodded slightly, and Inko leant forward and effulged him in a warm hug.

The last time his mum had hugged him was in the police station after Kamino, then there was All Might. Out of all of them, he couldn’t help but feel like Inko’s meant the most, it felt like it meant that she accepted his apology. He didn’t put his arms around her to hug her back, he couldn’t.

“Okay?” he said, and she leant back again, understanding the message, still holding his hand.

Shit, wait, no. No. She couldn’t be holding his hand, what if something happened like last time and he fucking blew up on her and-

He pulled his arm away.

He could deal with things himself. Maybe some help from the school, right now that was as far as he willing to go. But Inko deserved an explanation, she'd been in the office with them the other day but over the hag's shouting he wasn't sure how much she actually knew.

“I don’t know why the hell I can't stop thinking about it." He said, and had no doubt she knew what he was talking about.

“Because you’ve been through things at UA,” her eyes, were wide and caring but not condescending. “And look, what you did to Izuku was bad, of course it was, And I can’t forgive you. But I still care about you, okay?”

He frowned. ”You shouldn't."

"Even if that's what you think Katsuki, I'm still going to."

Now that everything was sifting back to normal again, he felt awkward as hell. He had done so many emotions with other people the past few days and he was so ready for it to be finished. This was why he didn’t want Deku to be here. He needed to leave.

“I’m gonna go. I’ve got shit to do.”

This had not gone how he wanted, and it had started out so well. He’d done what he’d came here to do, more unfortunately, and now he just wanted to get out.

She frowned, at his abrupt standing.

“Katsuki-“

“No, no it’s fine. Thanks for the tea but I’ve got homework.”

She looked disappointed, boy was he familiar with that, but stood up with him,

“If you’re sure.” She hesitated for a second and Katsuki didn’t move because she had the some look on her face that Deku had when he wanted to say something but just hadn’t got there yet. “Thank you for apologising. It means a lot; I hope you’re going to do the same for Izuku.”

He picked up the bag by his feet. That was answer enough judging by the way she smiled.

“I’ll see you later then, okay? Call me if you need anything.”

It was a nice offer but he wasn’t going to fucking do that. Aizawa said they were going to see someone at school, that was maybe the only amount of talking to someone that he was going to do from here on out. Which was still better than telling no one so it was step forward for him.

But, he reassured himself, he had told people now, he was going to get better, and on top of that, a little bit of the guilt felt like it had lifted from his chest as well, even if it had taken a wild turn at the end now. 

“Right.” He nodded at her, and started back down the hall to the door. He turned back just before he left. “Thanks.”

He slammed the door shut behind him before she could respond and let himself slump in the hallway letting out a long, slow breath. So he'd done it. even if he had zoned out in the middle, that kind of thinking was meant for when he lay in bed awake at two am. But, all things considered, it hadn't been that bad, Aunt Inko just had to knock him out of his reverie.

But shit, that was way fucking harder than it needed to be and now he was just angry at himself.

Maybe he should put the rest of this off until tomorrow, he could feel his temper rising by the second, at himself, at the villains, and he knew, because he knew himself, it didn’t matter if he was trying to think differently he’d probably just react before the logical side of brain caught up, and end up getting pissed at Deku too.

They’d made progress today. He didn’t want to screw that up.

So tomorrow then. He shook out his hands. Definitely tomorrow.

--------------------

Hey, so this is the little snippet I mentioned with Katsuki and AIzawa, it doesn't fit in with the chapter or anything but I hope you enjoy it :)

"What is your problem with Midoryia? Apart from the obvious.”

Because Aizawa knew that there was the obvious and that was something to unpack some other day.

"I don't know what you're talking about, he fucking thinks he's better than me and he's not. That’s it,"

And there we go, that was the obvious Aizawa was talking about. The whole class must’ve know at this point that Bakugo thought Midoryia was some kind of arrogant faker, if judging from the their first class fight was anything to go by, or the majority or small spats thereafter, but talking about that wasn’t going to get to the heart of the issue, so he dug a little deeper, fully aware he was moving into dangerous territory. Bakugo had come to talk to him, he didn’t want to scare him off.

"Or you’re afraid he is better than you."

"Shut up."

That hit a nerve. But as interesting as this way, as much as there was to go with it, they were focusing on Katsuki’s nightmares and why Midoryia was involved, not the problems with their relationship, if you could even call it that. Honestly, all things considered the nightmares could be related to his insecurities but that would be decided later.

"Either way that's not what I wanted to talk about. Obviously, that's a problem but the stem of this problem specifically was your own nightmares, your own fears. I'm just wondering how Midoryia fits into all this,"

"That's the point, he doesn't.” Bakugo scowled. “He just kind of inserts himself in, I didn't ask him to. He just fucking feels like people need him and then keeps pushing and pushing and pushing and thinking he's helping,"

Okay, so the insecurities were involved but it was a product of Miodryia not understanding boundaries, especially when it came to Bakugo. Bakugo had nightmares, Miodryia tried to help, insecurity and defensiveness flairs up and they argue. The dinner with their parents must just have been terrible timing that pushed everything over the edge.

But still, the fact that Miodryia pushed him to confront his emotions led to something.

"Is that not the reason you came to talk to me?"

"Yeah, but he also made me breakdown in a fucking forest so maybe it's helpful until it crosses a fucking line,"

Aizawa frowned, "Does he over step it?"

"He fucking acts like it doesn't exist,"

xxx

Another snippet of advice from Aizaqwa that didn't make it in.

-"I know you still feel guilty about what happened at Kamino, even if it isn't your fault. But that's in the past and there's nothing you can do about it. Focus on what you can fix now. Apologise to Midoryia"

Chapter Text

Now that Katsuki was back in his dorm, holding the notebook, he realised he had absolutely no idea how he was going to give it to Deku. 

By actually walking over to him and handing it to him like a normal person, like they were friends? He frowned, no, that would be weird. For both of them.

And besides, he also couldn't help the feeling that maybe he should write something in it before giving it to him anyway, so he was jumping the gun a little. But, by writing something he could say something he meant without actually having to force the words out of his mouth.  However, that left the whole other question of what to write, and if Deku would even want a notebook with something he'd written in it in the first place. 

He rolled his eyes at himself, picking up the All Might pen again and studying it as if looking at the red, white and yellow would spark some kind of inspiration. Nope, looking at All Might that long just made him feel bad.

Write something short then. He doubted he was ever going to write something that would take up more than two lines anyway but it was good to have boundaries. Not that they were helping.

He groaned, slumping back in his seat and kicking his legs up onto the desk. He could ask Kirishima, but that would probably be way too sappy and not something Katsuki would ever say.Fuck, no one ever said that this would be difficult. Besides, what could capture an apology for ten years’ worth of bullying without actually saying sorry.

He shifted in his seat again, tossing the pen onto the desk and grabbed his phone. As much as he didn't want to, because he didn't want to admit to anyone else that he was doing this for Deku in the first place, because it was between them and only them, but at this point he didn’t have much of a choice.

“Hey, Bakubro.”

Shit, he regretted making this call already.

“Shut up, don’t call me that, Shitty Hair.” He leant back, running a hand over the side of his face. He only had till tomorrow morning to do this, at least that’s the time space he was giving himself. Nothing more likely to get him to do something then making it a challenge. Even if it was one he set for himself.

“Whatever you say, explosion boy.”

Katsuki felt a growl deep in the back of his throat, Kirishma’s laughing down the phone managing to be exactly zero help to the situation.

“What do you need?”

“Deku.”

Damn, that sounded weird.

“What? You need Midoryia? Man are you feeling okay or is this like the other night? I can send you his numb-“”

“No. shut up.” He sighed, fixing his eyes of the ceiling. “I got him a notebook, to make up for something that happened a while ago and I don’t know what the hell to write in it.”

 “Okay, um- work with me here, give me, like, a sentence you’d write.” Kirishima panted, Katsuki liked to run in the morning, Kirishima ran at night.

Why did even thinking about talking about what he was going to write to Deku feel so damn embarrassing? Plus he hated the way that he could feel Kirishima’s smile down the phone.

“Deku-“

“Let’s stop there”

Oh my God.

He was not going to shout- he was not going to shout.

“What?” he growled,

“It’s just, you told me that meant useless, if you’re trying to make up with him you probably shouldn’t insult him-“

“I fuc- wait I have an idea.”

Katsuki was a genius. He knew what he was going to write.

He did. He did and it would fucking work and it was only one word so it was perfect and thank fuck Uraraka decided to rant at him a couple of months ago because this is exactly what he wanted to say. This is what he could say and Deku would get it. And he meant it as well, he realised, he fucking meant it, it wasn't just empty to make Deku feel better. if he was doing this he had to do it right. it had to mean something to both of them.

A grin stretched itself across his face.

“What is it?”

“Nothing, you were no fucking help, I’ll see you later.” He was ready to slam the phone back on the table but Kirishima’s hurried speaking made him wait.

Hesitantly, he held the pone back up to him ear, the corners of his mouth turning down again slightly, back into their usual expression. Not because he was annoyed or angry this time, but just because the wave of excitement (shit, he hated to use the word excitement) had passed. And Kirishima sounded serious.

“Wait, man, I just- I know you’re going to hate this but I’m proud of you.” Unexpectantly, his stomach twisted, this time not in a bad way. Kirishima’s voice, despite the muffling of the phone, sounded so real, so genuine. And it became one of those moments that he didn’t think of often; he didn’t usually say it out loud but sometimes Katsuki wondered where the hell he got a friend like him. what he did to deserve one. “I know you and Midoryia have a bad past, I’m just happy you’re trying to sort stuff out, and that you’re talking to Aizawa and everything.”

Kirishima was good with talking about feelings. Katsuki wasn’t.

“Yeah,” he said, voice sounding a little quieter than he intended, “Me too.” And he was, “Somethings you’ve gotta do if you wanna be the best, right?”

But even Kirishima could read between the lines on that last one. Katsuki had hardly put any effort into making it sound like it was the reason he was doing all of this. Besides, they both knew it wasn’t. But Kirishima gave him the shield of pretending to believe him and he was grateful for that.

“Totally. Look, I’m mid jog and it looks like it’s gonna start raining so I’ll see you later. Good luck.”

“Whatever.” Sappy moments over. Urgh. “Bye.”

He threw the phone back down on the desk and grabbed the pen, opening the notebook to the first, crisp page.

Well, his insides were in knots, here goes nothing.

Xxx

“Hey Deku.”

The nerd didn’t flinch this time, and somewhere inside Katsuki there was a spark of pride for Deku. Deep inside. He had noticed in the past couple of months he’d been doing that less and less. It used to annoy him that Deku wasn’t scared of him anymore, but after Kamino things changed.

A lot of things had changed for Katsuki.

For example, last night sleep had been rough, he’d had more nightmares, and later when Aizawa asked him, because that was inevitable now, he’d tell him. Funny how over a week ago he never would’ve considered it.

“Morning Kacchan.”

He could admit it was weird that he knew when Deku got up in the mornings, but most of the time it was so he could purposefully avoid him. And either way, Deku was the king of stalkers so he couldn’t say anything.

“Um- do you want tea?” Deku continued, already grabbing two mugs from the cupboard.

Katsuki was annoyed that there was even an urge to snap no. “Yeah.”

He moved around the counter with ease and Katsuki found himself awkwardly standing by the door, not one hundred percent sure what he was meant to do with himself.

He kept half expecting Deku to start up a conversation but he didn’t, he guessed he finally got the message to not push people to talk when maybe for the first time in his life Katsuki wished he would. Wished was too strong a word. He didn’t want to hear Deku’s voice that fucking badly, if he just wanted to just keep it quiet then Katsuki would too.

“You’re up early.”

Nevermind then.

And also, see, Deku knew when he got up too, fucking stalker.

“Yeah.” He internally rolled his eyes at his own shitty answer. Maybe he was subconsciously keeping his answers short so he didn’t say something unintentionally. “I wanted to talk to you actually.”

Deku looked up at him with wide eyes (ha, Katsuki's still taller) and katsuki kept his expression blank, hoping the neutral annoyance helped make it look less like he was about to challenge Deku to a fight.

The nerd slid a cup towards him, and again he had to force himself to lean forward and grab it instead of scoffing and turning away.

You’re trying to be better. Stop fucking acting like you don’t want the tea just because fucking Deku, of all people, made it.

Deku’s hands circled his own cup and he held it to his lips, blowing on it softly.

Katsuki scowled, grabbing his cup, it was hot and he noticed how Deku shot him a concerned look when some of the boiling water splashed over the edge and onto his hand but Katsuki made explosions on a daily basis so some hot water was going to do fuck all.

The other hand was still hovering under the counter. Notebook and All Might pen squeezed tightly in his grip.

“Is everything-” Katsuki frowned as Deku spoke, the subconscious defensiveness on both their parts slipping back up, but Deku continued, “alright?” he finished softly.

“I’m fucking great dumbass, what about you?” at this point he wasn’t surprised by the aggression in his voice even if he didn’t fully mean for it to be there.

“Good, good, better after talking to my mum yesterday.”

Deku shared personal stuff as easily as breathing. No wonder Katsuki found out about All Might. “Yeah." he agreed. "It was good to talk to her.”

“It went well then?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

for a few second they didn't say anything else, and Deku went back to blowing on his tea. Damn, this was awkward, maybe the underlying violent tension was better than this energy that was practically pulsing through the air.

He didn’t say anything, but he could feel Deku begin to get uncomfortable under his stare, his lip twitched slightly at it. Again, not being mean, just annoying.

The nerd cleared his throat and put his cup down and suddenly he realised Deku's arms that were scarred and torn, and usually waving around his head frantically for some Deku reason he didn't want to know about, were free and able to catch something.

Katsuki saw his chance.  Now or never.

“Think fast nerd.”

He chucked the notebook at him. If anything, it dispelled the awkward tension in the air.

Deku flailed for second, anxiety playing on his face as he managed to catch the notebook almost, and Katsuki laughed despite the fact that his heart was pounding in his chest. He'd thought this through but what if everything went really fucking wrong.

When Deku met his eyes, half a second later, clutching the notebook to his chest Katsuki’s laughed pittered out.

His eyes were wide, and hurt? His jaw was clenched and his gaze shifted from Katsuki to the ground.

“What?” he snapped. And Deku didn’t step back but his grip on the notebook tightened, what the hell had he managed to do now? He'd been nervous about how Deku would react even if he wouldn't admit it but this was worse than he imagined.

“I thought-“ Deku began, then stopped and Katsuki had no idea what the problem was. “Look Kacchan, please just leave my notebooks alone, I know you think they’re stupid, okay? I just-“

 That was the problem? Deku hadn’t actually looked at it.  He’d just seen the familiar notebook and assumed the worst. He wanted to be angry but for once he couldn’t work himself into it. Even thought it was annoying, Katsuki… shouldn’t exactly be surprised should he.

Katsuki swallowed, running a hand through his hair. “Look at it nerd.” he said.

“Wh-“

“Look at it.”

And he did and although Katsuki wanted to leave his legs wouldn’t let him, keeping him planted in the one spot as Deku tilted the notebook towards him and stood up a little straighter as he realised there was no writing on the front of it. No hero notes for the future, or notebook no. 12 or 13.

He looked back up at him, eyebrows furrowed.

“You got me this?” he said slowly, voice coloured with realisation as he flipped through the book.

“It was either that or I let you burn something I own.”

Deku choked out a laugh and Katsuki was familiar enough with the sound to realise that he was trying to hold back tears.

“And throw it in a fish pond.” He said.

Katsuki frowned, nodding. “I thought this was the better option.”

Deku looked between the notebook and him, and Katsuki could see his eyes beginning to well up. He sucked in a deep breath through his nose, glancing away because suddenly it felt as if a massive weight had been lifted of his chest, one that he hadn’t even realised was there and it felt like for the first time in forever he was breathing properly.

Deku scrubbed under his eyes with the heel of his palm, a smile stretching across his face.

“Thank you. I- this means a lot to me.”

He swallowed, and nodded again. “I know.” He paused. He done it, but he wanted to leave now, he had to, Katsuki wasn’t good with emotions, he wasn’t good with this. “I’m going to go for a run.” he turned to leave, it was just like yesterday, he was able to do the thing but not stick around for the aftermath, especially because the aftermath meant tears and Katsuki wasn't good at tears, 

“Kacchan." He stopped his tracks, chest constricting. he knew it would mean a lot to Deku, he didn't realise how much it would mean to him until he saw a light in Deku's eye that he hadn't noticed before as Deku smiled at him, eyes shining. “Really, thank you.” And they both knew they weren’t fully talking about the notebook. 

Katsuki shrugged. “You deserve it.” He grunted in response, trying his best to act nonchalant about the whole thing but even he could admit that this was a big fucking step, and then he paused, “Shit, here, nerd. This to.”

He threw the pencil at him, and it hit him square in the face. Katsuki's lip twitched and Deku laughed as he leant down, smile widening and fresh tears falling when he realised what it was.

“See you later dumbass.” he called out over his shoulder as he left the kitchen, listening to the sounds of Deku dropping the objects on the counter.

Walking away from Deku crying was familiar to him, but this time it was for a much different reason.

 And this, he decided, this was better.

Xxx

Izuku put the pencil and the notebook on the counter in front of his staring at Kacchan’s back as he left the kitchen, and sucked in a deep breath. Everything around him felt buzzed with energy, a good energy and everything inside him felt light and something heavy that had been sitting on his shoulders since the age of four, that had been getting lighter and lighter since he’d joined UA was lighter again and- he choked back a sob, avoiding getting any tears on his new notebook.

His new notebook that Kacchan had bought for him by way of apology.

He smiled through wet eyes, brining a hand to his face to wipe away the tears before they fell. a mixture of disbelieving laughs and sobs escaping his lips.

It was surreal almost, he’d thought about this for a long time, him and Kacchan trying to get along, trying to get salvage something from the mess that was their terrible relationship but he never thought it was possible.

This wasn’t perfect, Kacchan had thrown it at him and for a few seconds fear had seized Izuku that Kacchan had gone through his notebooks and taken one and he wasn’t prepared for that again but he couldn’t have been more wrong.

And suddenly why Kacchan came and took his notebook the other night made so much more sense.

He smiled to himself. This was such a Kacchan thing. And Izuku  wasn’t lying when he said it meant a lot.

He examined the perfectly clean, front of the notebook and the All Might pen next to it. He never thought…

He leant forward pushing his forgotten steaming cup of tea out of the way and opened the notebook, smoothing out the front cover before something written on the upper hand corner of the front page, written in Kacchan’s handwriting, caught his eye.

Wait, did that really say-

It was only one word- one word and Kacchan knew what that would mean to him. He thought he’d finished crying but he could feel his eyes start to water again as the meaning really sunk in. Because Kacchan knew what it meant- Kacchan knew. He rubbed his eyes and looked again to make sure it was really there and it was.

Dekiru.

Chapter Text

They were two weeks into counselling and all Katsuki could think about was whether there was a way to be paid for all the times in the past he’d heard Deku cry or rant about All Might. Because clearly the counsellor had it going here, she was getting money for doing the stuff Katsuki had done the past twelve years of his life, even if the crying was mostly his fault.

Although, on the occasion where Deku got too close to spilling something that was meant to be a secret, Katsuki was glad he was there to tell him to shut the fuck up.

How Deku kept One for All a secret so far was beyond him.

However, that was ignoring the whole talking out of their entire childhood, in depth and over time to analyse actions and consequences.  And it was important, Katsuki understood that now, but fuck sometimes Deku’s voice made him want to throw him out a window.

Admittedly this was one of the tamer sessions, where Katsuki felt mildly frustrated and not too bad, compared to last week when they'd got into a shouting match about their teacher in middle school and the guilt had popped up tenfold.

"So, what do you think, Bakugo?"

He blinked, and then scowled. "What?"

"About the progress we've made?" The woman was short with glasses and hair pulled back into a tight ponytail, not unlike Momos, which was a resemblance he could do without. She'd told them her name; he couldn't be bothered remembering it. Either way.

He frowned. "I kinda understand why Deku is like he is."

Beside him Deku shifted, "I don't know if that's an insult or a compliment."

He didn’t miss a beat. "Insult."

"Oh. Thanks."

“Just being honest.”

That’s probably not what their councellor meant when she said Katsuki should be more open about his feelings but it’s what they were getting.

 It wasn’t like he necessarily minded the sessions, he guessed they helped in their own way and it made him more aware of his own actions but at the same time it also made him aware of how slowly everything was going. Why couldn’t they just go to one session and then he suddenly doesn’t hate Deku anymore? That would be so much easier than having to consciously try to put effort and thought into his words and actions. But he didn't want to be like before. He wanted to be better.

He knew it would take more than two forty-minute sessions on both their parts but still- the fact that his own brain and instincts were working against him was frustrating.

“Well, if you’re being so honest Bakugo, why don’t we end this the same way we did last week. Positive reinforcement is important.”

He felt a scowl pull across his face.

“Now is there anything you’d like to say to the other person?”

See, this is what Katsuki found unfair. Deku sprouted of compliments like his entire vocabulary was made up of positive adjectives.

Katsuki didn’t like complimenting people unless they deserved it, and even then, it wasn’t in actual words. It was more like him actually using their name.  But there was no way in hell that he was about to call Deku, Izuku, especially after all he’d established with the notebook, plus it just sounded weird. Katsuki was better at actions over words.

Katsuki bit his tongue and turned to face Deku. He couldn’t argue, he’d agreed with Aizawa that he would do this. He wanted to do this. Urgh. It didn’t help that when he looked at Deku he just noticed everything that he’d insulted in the past, from the fucking red shoes to the fact that his eyes always looked like they were patronising whoever met them.

But he isn’t, Katsuki come one, wise the fuck up, you know this.

“You did well on the math test yesterday.” He said, almost having to force it out through gritted teeth. "I did better."

Deku looked like he was about to laugh, which was not the effect that Katsuki was used to having but could admit he was recently starting to feel better about, but then something flashed across Deku’s face.

“Wait, how do you know how I did on the test? I never-“

“You talk way too fucking loudly to Round Face.”

“Oh.”

“It’s like you want to announce it to the whole fucking world but don’t want to look like you’re bragging about it.“  Maybe that was one of the thoughts he was meant to keep inside his head. He wasn’t used to not telling Deku what he thought of him though. It slipped out.

“Wait, no-“

“Bakugo,” Glasses 2.0, as he decided to dub her, said, and then she sighed, and looked between the two of them. “I guess we know what we’re going to continue with next week.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “The fact that you believe that Midoryia thinks he’s better than everyone.”

Okay, so logically now, he knew that wasn’t true. But an opinion you’ve had since you were four, doesn’t change so easily. Now it was more like, if he did think anything along those lines, he was going to be aware of it, but not act on it. So, he was making progress.

“Yeah. Sure.”

He was done with this now. He had homework he needed to catch up on and he was sure Deku did as well and he still had to go on a run and he had to give himself time to cool down before he went to bed. He didn’t know if that exactly helped with his nightmares, but it probably had a better effect than going to sleep stressed, plus if he didn’t fall asleep or if he woke up too early at least he was relaxed and peaceful. Or as peaceful as his thoughts could be.

He was feeling better though, not perfect but better. After giving the notebook to Deku he felt like they were finally on the same page. He hadn’t apologised, he wasn’t there yet, but he’d done something in his own way, and Deku had understood what he meant. It had lifted a growing weight of his shoulders, and if what Deku said was true then it had done the same for him as well.

Maybe that’s why Katsuki felt better making fun of Deku. Because they both knew it wasn’t malicious anymore. Most of the time. There was some kind of understanding.

That wasn’t to say there weren’t still times when Katsuki got frustrated or Deku hadn’t reacted but they were both trying. And that’s more than Katsuki would’ve done two months ago.

He pushed himself out of his seat and nodded at Glasses 2.0 before he left the room. He didn’t hold the door open for Deku. He didn’t turn to look at him when he felt Deku walking beside him either.

They’d done it a couple of times now. But it was still mildly awkward walking out after actually talking.

“It’s still weird isn’t it?”

He couldn’t disagree with that, but he felt a lot more like himself then he had recently. Himself but a better version of it. “Yeah.”

“I mean, hearing you compliment me.”

“Shut up, nerd.”

Deku laughed slightly, but it faded out quickly. The hallways were empty, class had ended an hour ago so the only people milling about the school were teachers and cleaners.

Deku interrupted the silence. “Do you think it’s helping?”

“It’s only been two weeks, dumbass.”

Deku took a deep breath and usually Katsuki didn’t associate that with anything good, and also if Deku was going to tell him something heartfelt couldn’t they have done it in the councellor office? Katsuki could only deal with so much talking about feelings in one day.

“I don’t find you intimidating.”

Katsuki paused. He wasn’t sure how to respond. But ultimately that’s what he was going for. “You’ve said that before. But I guess it means something’s working.” He bit the inside of his cheek. “Heroes aren’t meant to be threatening to their classmates. That’s what All Might said anyway.”

“I think he’s right.”

“Of course, you fucking do.”

“Don’t lie, you look up to him just as much as I do.”

“Watch your mouth.”

“Coming from you.” They turned the corner.

“Deku, I need you to stop talking or else I’m actually about to commit murder.”

He was joking (probably) but he moved to walk ahead anyway, holding the finger up at Deku over his shoulder. It was his version of waving. Deku had to have known him long enough to know that.

“See you later, Kacchan.”

Katsuki's lip twitched.

 He wasn’t lying when he thought he was done with talking for the day.  At any rate, he still had maths homework to finish and Kirishima was as dumb as a rock so he had to put some tutor skills to work as well. See, he was a fucking great friend… and it was the least Shitty Hair deserved for- he still didn’t like to say helping- but putting up with him for the past few weeks. Not that Katsuki had asked him to. He didn’t do it out of pity; he knew that much at least.

He wasn’t expecting to run into Mr Aizawa on the way back, but there he was coming out of the staff room, cup of what Katsuki assumed was coffee, in one hand.

“Bakugo, I didn’t get a chance to talk to you today.”

“Oh no.” he said, deadpan.

Aizawa raised an eyebrow at him in a way that said he didn't appreciate his tone but wasn't surprised by it. “How are things?”

His hands were shoved in his pockets. They’d stopped shaking so much in the past couple of weeks. And the feelings of nausea that he’d been becoming familiar with had shifted too. He guessed part of him had to thank Aizawa for that.

Anytime unwanted thoughts came to him, it was Aizawa’s voice repeating. ‘You are not a villain.’ That dispelled them.

Katsuki shrugged, but answered anyway. “Fine. I just have homework. Couldn’t be bothered listening to Deku rant anymore.”

Aizawa looked like he didn’t believe him which was funny because Katsuki was actually telling the truth but he didn’t say anything else. He just nodded. And then spoke again. “If you see Midoryia, tell him that All Might wanted to speak to him.”

Katsuki could admit, he was arrogant about a lot of things, most of the time with good reason, but one thing he was adamant on was that he was the best of keeping a secret. And that Deku and All Might wouldn’t know the meaning of the word subtly if he shoved a dictionary down their throats.

“Got it.”

“Thanks. I have to get back to grading papers.” His eyes looked heavy and tired and dead inside. “If Mic asks where I am tell him the opposite direction.”

Katsuki understood that line of thinking. With a sip of his coffee Aizawa continued on his way, and Katsuki continued to walk back to the dorms. His mind drifted to the fact that Deku either got distracted or went a different way because at this point, he should’ve caught up to him.

Somewhere in the back of his mind the paranoia that someone had taken him- the league- was rising but he stamped it out. They weren’t here. Deku had probably just figured he wanted to be left alone and had respected his boundaries, like Glasses 2.0 had told him to work on.

Plus, he’d never asked him to but after hearing about his nightmares, Aizawa had reassured Katsuki about all the school’s security measures, which honestly wasn’t that comforting because he was pretty sure that the League had got past them before and he’s sure he would’ve appreciated the thought if he was Deku or something and maybe he did deep down but the surface level of feeling was. I’m not scared, don’t patronise me. Maybe he was lying, maybe he wasn’t, who knows.

He winced at the rain as he stepped outside, his hair always went annoyingly frizzy when it got wet. He was mentally preparing himself for Sparky’s jokes when he reached the dorms.

Todoroki glared at him as he entered, shaking of some of the rain. Katsuki and Uraraka had managed to be somewhat civil, if that mostly meant they didn’t interact much unless they had to, but Icy Hot was another problem entirely. The guy acted like Deku’s fucking bodyguard or something.

Hell, the morning Katsuki had given Deku the notebook Todoroki was up in face twenty minutes later because apparently, he’d made Deku cry. Katsuki didn’t feel the need to explain himself to him, he knew why Deku had been crying and so did Deku and he hadn’t given him the notebook for anyone else’s approval so Todoroki could think whatever the hell he wanted. Katsuki knew he was wrong.

But he wasn’t sure the rest of the class appreciated the awkward tension between them that was seemingly continuing to grow.

“Where’s Miodryia?” Icy Hot said and Bakugo found himself scowling.

He wasn’t great at complimenting Deku straight up but he knew he was strong enough that he didn’t need a guard dog. Deku had told Todoroki they went to counselling together, and yet he still seemed to expect the worst out of Bakugo. Like any attempts at change didn’t seem to matter. He decided to give him what he wanted.

“Finally put the nerd out of his misery.”

“You’re not funny.”

“Fuck you.” He ran his hand through his hair. Todoroki was annoying in a different way from Deku, he wasn’t sure how, but whatever it was, was great at making Katsuki angry.

He was halfway up the stairs when heard the door open and then slam shut again. Internally, he felt a mild flicker of relief. A month ago, he would’ve been annoyed that he remotely cared about Deku… he was still slightly annoyed but he also knew it was actually a positive thing. Heroes were meant to care about people’s wellbeing. Even if those people were Deku.

He was about to continue to his room when he remembered what Aizawa said and decided to wait at the top of the stairs. He leaned back against the banister, Katsuki wasn’t one to typically eavesdrop but if Todoroki was talking about him then he felt he had every right. He could barely hear over a murmur and it over pretty quickly and Deku was suddenly half way up the stairs. Katsuki stood up straight.

“Nerd.”

Deku jumped. Katsuki told himself it wasn’t because it was him but just because Deku was a jumpy person in general.

“Oh, Kacchan. What is it?”

“All Might wants to see you apparently.” He wasn’t expecting Deku’s face to fall like it did. Usually any mention of the hero turned him into the human incarnation of the sun. Urgh. He felt his eyebrows furrow. “What?” he said.

“Nothing. I’m just tired.”

“We’ve established you’re a shit liar.”

If Deku forced him to talk Katsuki was going to do the same thing. It was for his own benefit.

“It’s just- All Might wants me to be more open about how I’m feeling.” Katsuki almost snorted at that. Deku was the most 'open about his feelings' person Katsuki knew, it was annoying as hell. “And the nightmares I’ve been having. I-I still feel like he’s going to be disappointed in me.”

Yeah, Katsuki had asked but he should’ve realised that at this point one thing he could admit to being bad at was giving advice. He also realised he was probably a large part of the reason Deku had such low self esteem and expectations from people.

This was easily something Deku could’ve told Glasses 2.0 in their joint session or their solo ones but he didn’t think he had. Katsuki would admit that it would be while before he trusted her enough to tell her everything he’d been thinking; he was pretty sure it had to be the same for Deku. But it was still weird to think that Deku trusted him, even if he knew logically they knew each other better then anyone else. Really Weird.

“We’ve been over this, he’s All Might.” He said. “For him to be disappointed in you,” his tone turned a little bitter. “You’d have to join the fucking league or something. Wise the fuck up, moron.”

Deku smiled. Katsuki still found it weird for Deku to smile at something he said. “Thanks, Kacchan.”

“Whatever.”

Honestly, he was just glad he said that over, You’ve already driven away one father figure, which was what popped into his head first. Or 'you're a disappointment to everyone except All Might'  Glasses 2.0 wouldn't have been happy with either of the answers. And Katsuki didn't want to say them either. Didn't want to see the look on his face that once upon a time he would've mocked him for.

Deku scrunched his face and then sighed. “Right. I have homework.”

They’d come a long way.

“No shit Sherlock.”

But they still had a long way to go.

Chapter Text

Hey, so sorry this isn't a new chapter but I just wanted to say the second part of the story, a collection of one shots of what happens after this has been posted under the name 'Best Efforts' so if you're interested you can check that out, I just posted the first chapter.
Thank you all again for reading, and I hope you have great day/night! :)