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“This doesn’t feel right,” Yoongi said for what felt like a hundredth time.
Hoseok sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes closed.
They’ve been at it for hours. Namjoon joined them at some point but even he eventually left; then it was Jimin who dropped by with fresh coffee and only stayed long enough to pat their shoulders and to say “don’t stay up too late”, which they all new was a pointless request.
“I think we should make piano at the background more obvious,” Yoongi continued after raking his brain for what exactly felt wrong with this part.
“Hyung, you said that the last time. Then you changed your mind again. We’re going in circles,” Hoseok murmured, finally opening his eyes and blinking harshly.
“Well now I really think we should —” Yoongi cut off and rubbed his face with his hands, sighing deeply. Hoseok was probably right. “I can’t think straight anymore. I need a nap.”
“Thank God,” Hobi breathed, standing up and stretching with a low groan.
Yoongi stood up as well and winced. He hasn’t realised how curled in on himself he’s been for god knows how long. His joints were stiff and he ached all over. The sofa at the corner looked almost sinful. Yoongi stumbled towards it, pulling the sleeves of his hoodie down and flipping the hood up - he always got cold while sleeping. He knew there was a blanket stashed somewhere in the studio, he just didn’t have any energy to try finding it right now. As soon as his face connected with a worn-out leather of the sofa the true depth of his exhaustion hit him full force, his body practically screaming at how tired he was.
He was vaguely aware of another body dropping beside him, landing half on top of him. It was warm and heavy and smelled comfortingly familiar. A hand snaked around his middle, pulling him closer. Hoseok’s hair tickled his jaw but he was too tired to move.
“We’re gonna get this bridge right first thing in the morning, hyung,” Hoseok murmured, moving his head so he was speaking into Yoongi’s neck rather than his chest.
“Right after dance practice.” Yoongi’s own arm circled Hoseok’s back, finding purchase at the hem of his sweatshirt and bunching it in a loose fist.
Hoseok groaned. “Right, after that. Did you set the alarm?”
“Mm.”
Hoseok groaned again, this time louder and stretched out to presumably get his phone. After a couple of moments he dropped again, head now on Yoongi’s outstretched hand.
“Done. We got three hours before alarm goes off. Goodnight, hyung,” Hoseok said, shifting so that his face was right next to Yoongi’s.
“G’night,” Yoongi mumbled, eyes closed.
A warm breath hit his lips right before a mouth was pressed softly against his; Yoongi used the last ounce of strength he had to answer it and then he was asleep.
*
They didn’t get back to it after dance practice. Turns out there was a company meeting which both of them forgot about, and after that Hoseok got called to oversee a dance practice by the rookies and Yoongi stayed to discuss album progress with the management. Then it was afternoon and Yoongi was somehow tricked into helping Jungkook do the laundry. He was in the middle of sorting through the dirty t-shirts when it hit him:
Hobi and he kissed.
“Hyung, are you alright?” Kookie asked, at which point Yoongi realised that he dropped the clothes and was staring at nothing, mouth agape.
“I..yes, yes I’m fine. Why am I doing this again?” Yoongi asked, recovering. His mind was racing.
“Cause I’m your favorite and you lost at rock-scissors-paper to Jin-hyung?” Jungkook worded it as a question, smiling cheekily.
“Jiminie’s my favorite,” Yoongi murmured, smirking a little at Kookie’s dramatic gasp.
“Take that back! Hyung!”
“Yoongi-hyung?”
They both looked up at the door. Hobi was poking his head in, smiling somewhat sheepishly. Yoongi’s heart gave an unexpected lurch before racing double time. He tried to ignore it.
“Yeah, Seokah?”
“I’m free. Do you wanna go back to fixing that track?”
“Sure. Give me five minutes,” Yoongi replied easily. His heart was still beating too fast. It was ridiculous.
“Great. I’m gonna grab something for us to eat. Do you want some as well, Kook?” Hoseok asked, one hand on the doorframe.
“Thanks, hyung, but I’m going out with Tae and Jimin after this is done,” Jungkook stuffed yet another t-shirt in the washing machine. Yoongi realised he was still holding onto the same shirt he did when Hobi came in. He quickly tossed it in the drum, mentally cursing at himself for acting so out of sorts.
“Alright then. See you in a few,” Hoseok smiled brightly at both of them and actually winked before leaving.
Fuck.
*
It was ridiculous. Yoongi was being ridiculous. It’s been four days since the incident and everything was normal, things were absolutely the same as before. Hoseok didn’t act any different whatsoever and while Yoongi was forced to do the same, he was practically out of his mind with questions.
He didn’t know why it was bothering him so much. So they kissed. So what? They were a tactile bunch of people, all seven of them. It wasn’t uncommon for a member to kiss the other on the cheek or even neck (Jimin was particularly fond of those). And it wasn’t like drunken making out either. They were very tired and exhaustion made people do strange things. It was a purely unconscious action. So why was Yoongi so hanged up on it? He felt it was something that should’ve been acknowledged.
Maybe Hobi didn’t remember. They were barely awake at the time. But if he did, why haven’t he said anything? Hoseok was the type to discuss everything, making sure there wasn’t any misunderstandings or hidden grudges. And this was definitely something that needed discussion. Right?
It was possible Yoongi was freaking out. Ironically this was exactly the type of thing he normally would have discussed with Hoseok himself but this time he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It was difficult to even imagine starting a conversation like that and just thinking about it made Yoongi want to jump out of the window screaming. He was overanalyzing everything. Was Hoseok touching him more frequently now? Was Yoongi himself seeking his touches more than usual? He was never so aware just how much skinship he had with Hobi, how often they were holding hands or simply hugging. This was a part of his everyday life just like eating breakfast or composing a new song: touching Hoseok.
He was driving himself up the wall with something that was probably nothing. And since he couldn’t talk about it with a man in question and he couldn’t ignore it either, he did the next best thing.
“Jiminie, are you busy right now?” Yoongi asked nonchalantly, looking at the room at large rather than at Jimin himself.
Jimin looked up from his phone.“No, hyung, I’m all yours. What do you need?”
“Wanna grab some lunch and head to the rooftop? The weather is nice,” Yoongi offered, trying desperately to sound normal and not like he was going to combust if he didn’t talk about what was bothering him.
“Sounds great! Just let me change my shoes.”
It was something the two of them did ever since they were trainees, Yoongi quietly sneaking out to have a smoke and Jimin tagging along, all the while complaining how the smoke was making his lungs hurt and attempting to guilt Yoongi enough into quitting. He did quit, eventually. Too many people were looking up to him now and he didn’t want to set a bad example. That didn’t mean he wasn’t missing it sometimes. Like right now, sitting in an old plastic chair with Jimin happily munching on his bibimbap next to him, quietly waiting for Yoongi to gather his thoughts.
After another two minutes have passed and Yoongi still hasn't said anything, feeling more awkward with each passing second, Jimin prompted:
”So was there something you wan—”
“Hobi and I kissed,” Yoongi blurted, his face heating up.
Jimin made a high-pitched noise and choked on his food, coughing violently. Yoongi gave his back an awkward pat without looking, feeling mortified and knowing there was nothing for it now.
“You — you did?” Jimin asked once he got his breath back, still sounding strangled.
“Yeah. We were working on a song —”
And that's how it always was with Park Jimin. While Hoseok was the one who understood Yoongi without him trying to form thoughts into coherent sentences, Jimin had the uncanny ability to make Yoongi spill his guts no matter how difficult it was. Once started Yoongi found himself telling him everything, pulling his legs to his chest and hugging his knees tightly.
“— And I know it probably didn't mean anything, we were both dead from exhaustion at that point and — yeah,” Yoongi finished rather lamely, releasing a long breath. The side of his neck was itching from Jimin's gaze but he refused to look up, staring resolutely ahead.
Jimin cleared his throat. “Hyung. Do you want it to mean anything?”
Yoongi was startled enough into darting his eyes to Jimin's for a second.
“I — what?”
“You kept telling how it didn't mean anything. Do you want it to actually mean something?”
Yoongi stared at him. “I — somehow I didn't think about it,” he admitted somewhat stupidly.
Jimin was watching him fondly. “Hyung. From what I can tell, and please don't hit me after I say this, but we always thought you are a bit oblivious when it comes to feelings.”
“Wait, we ? Who's we?”
“Nevermind that. What I'm trying to say, you and Hobi-hyung were always close. Everybody knows that. I don't think it would come as a surprise if you were to become something… more. Not as a big one, at least,” Jimin finished, smiling slightly.
Yoongi stared at him dumbly. Then he stared some more.
“Park Jimin. Are you implying that I —”
“Have a bit of a crush on Hoseok-hyung? Absolutely,” Jimin was openly grinning now. He looked like he was enjoying this conversation way too much.
“But we — but I — I mean, what —” Yoongi spluttered, feeling completely out of his depth. “He's my best friend!”
“ I'm your best friend. Namjoon-hyung is your best friend. Hobi-hyung is your soul partner,” Jimin wiggled his eyebrows.
Yoongi's phone rang. He picked it up numbly, feeling like he's been hit on the head.
“Where are you? Practice starts in three minutes. Hurry up,” Namjoon said, sounding exasperated.
“Shit. We'll be there soon, sorry, Joonah,” Yoongi snapped out of a daze and stood up. “We're late,” he told Jimin who was already on his feet, picking up discarded lunch containers.
“Hey, hyung,” he said right before they left the rooftop, placing a hand on Yoongi's shoulder and squeezing it. “Don't worry too much, okay? Just think about it. Everything will work out, I promise you.”
“Right,” muttered Yoongi. “Thanks, Jiminie.”
“Anytime.”
*
They were heading to a concert venue a week later and Yoongi was ready to kill. He overdid it at yesterday practice, causing a muscle in his leg to cramp up. He was beating himself up about it, thinking about how it was gonna affect his performance, managed maybe two full hours of sleep and as a result was feeling extremely grim the next morning. His mood hasn't improved much as the day progressed, causing him to be even more snappish than usual. He barked at Taehyung for being too loud with enough venom to actually make the boy flinch. He regretted it instantly but the damage was already done. Jungkook was giving him a dirty look over Tae's hunched shoulders and Yoongi felt terrible. His mood was shitty, his leg hurt and he just wanted to lie down somewhere in the dark corner and sleep for twelve hours straight.
“I'm sorry, Taetae,” Yoongi was holding Taehyung's hand between his, staring at the floor and feeling like the biggest dickhead. “It was completely uncalled for and hyung is an asshole. Forgive me?”
Taehyung sighed. “Just don't do it again, okay, hyung? We have a concert in four hours.”
Yoongi nodded and went back to his chair, resisting the urge to limp. His phone vibrated in his pocket. There was a message from his mum wishing him good luck and a picture of Holly with one fluffy ear turned out, a toy in his mouth. Yoongi was hit with a homesickness so sudden he felt tears welling up right here in the middle of a dressing room with people and cameras dashing about.
A pair of strong hands snaked around his middle from behind, squeezing him softly.
“Are you alright?” Hobi asked quietly, resting his chin on Yoongi's shoulder.
“No, Seokah. No I'm not,” Yoongi's voice cracked. Everything about this day up to this moment was boiling over, threatening to spill out. He realised he was shaking, tiny tremors running through his body.
“Shh. Shh, come on, Yoongi. Let's get you out of here for a moment.” Hoseok said, losing the embrace and taking Yoongi’s hand instead, steering him out of the room.
“Don’t drop the honorifics when there are cameras present,” Yoongi grumbled half-heartedly.
Hoseok ignored him. He was moving down the corridor, opening doors seemingly at random and peering inside. “No — Not this one — Okay. Guess this will do,” he said, opening the third door on the left wider and ushering Yoongi inside.
“What are you — Hobi. Did you just take me to a broom closet?” Yoongi asked incredulously.
“It’s very spacious for a simple broom closet, hyung,” Hoseok scanned the room, took an empty bucket and turned it over. “Now sit down. Come on,” he said, gesturing impatiently and, when Yoongi didn’t budge, pushed on his shoulders. “We don’t have a lot of time.”
“This is ridiculous,” Yoongi huffed, finally giving in and plopping down on an overturned bucket. The room was filled with cleaning supplies and smelled faintly of bleach.
“I don’t care. Straighten up your leg for me,” Hoseok got down on his knees, expensive pants and all, and gestured for Yoongi to comply. “It’s your left one, right? How badly does it hurt?”
“Not that badly.”
“Have you actually told anybody about it?”
“No,” Yoongi grumbled. Trust Hoseok to be his observant self.
“Figures. Well I’m gonna massage it and you’re gonna tell me what’s got you in such a sour mood.”
It was quiet between them, the sound from outside muffled. Yoongi could hear his wrist watch ticking and Hoseok’s steady breathing as he carefully worked the muscle in his leg.
I hate not being able to keep up with you guys. I’m tired. I miss home. I miss my dog. I wanna know why you kissed me and whether or not we can do it again.
Yoongi could have said any of those things but the truth was, just being with Hoseok like this was already making him feel better. The weight on his chest lessened and he breathed deeply, exhaling slowly.
“Just a bad day, Hobi. Didn't get enough sleep,” he finally settled on saying. It was true enough.
Hoseok sighed, giving his thigh one last squeeze before shuffling forward.
“You're ruining your trousers,” Yoongi pointed out, nevertheless spreading his legs wider to give Hoseok more room. Hoseok slotted himself between his knees and hugged him, burying his nose in Yoongi's hair. Despite everything, Yoongi felt himself relaxing in an embrace, squeezing back and dropping his head in the space between Hoseok's neck and shoulder.
“Love you, Seok-Seok,” He was rarely able to say it freely, those words always getting stuck somewhere in his throat. Yet right now it felt necessary to say them, to let Hoseok know that he was grateful for his presence, for his ability to soothe Yoongi by simply being himself.
“Love you too, Yoongi,” Hobi didn't bother with honorifics again; at the moment, Yoongi couldn't care less. Almost unthinkingly he let his lips press against Hobi's neck, kissing the skin there softly. He felt Hoseok moving his head slightly, kissing Yoongi's temple in return. His chest tightened. Yoongi lifted his head slowly, looking Hoseok in the eyes. He swallowed but held Yoongi’s gaze, though he seemed almost nervous.
With a loud crack the door opened, filling the room with bright light.
“Oh, wow. Erm. There you are,” Jimin was standing in the doorway in full stage attire, looking at them with wide eyes. Hoseok startled, jerking away and falling on his ass, hissing in pain.
“I'm sorry to interrupt but if you're not back right this second the noonas are gonna flip their shit,” Jimin said, seemingly recovered from his initial shock and gave them both a look. “Are those your stage trousers, Hobi-hyung?”
“Why is everybody so worried about my pants, Jesus,” Hoseok grumbled, straightening up.
“They are nice-looking pants, Hobi. You should be more attentive to your clothes,” Yoongi stood up carefully. His leg was hurting considerably less after the massage Hoseok gave it.
“I prefer to be attentive to people I care about, not to some stupid pants,” Hoseok sounded almost gruff. Then he visibly shook himself and smiled brightly, making both Yoongi and Jimin shiver. It was almost scary how easily he was able to slip into his public persona. “And no, it's not my stage trousers. I haven't changed yet.”
“Well hurry up, time is running out.”
“Look at you, bossing me around,” Hoseok cooed, pinching Jimin's cheek. Jimin tried to bat his hand away but ended up with Hoseok attacking his side instead, all the while squeaking sickeningly, aegyo mode full on.
Yoongi couldn’t help smiling slightly, watching them both fondly. His mood wasn’t great yet, but it was a lot better than before.
“Come on, J-Hope,” he said. “Let’s kill it.”
*
Things definitely changed after that, at least for Yoongi. They already spent almost every waking moment together, either as a group or just the two of them, but now whenever there was an opportunity, Yoongi took it. He was being clingy and he knew it. He was dreading a moment when Jimin will back him up against the wall and force him to explain himself. Or worse, Namjoon. And yet when it came to clinginess Hoseok was just as bad. If Yoongi was too engrossed in composing, there he was at his doorstep with some drink or food. All six members new just how much Yoongi valued his space and his work and they tried to act accordingly, re: didn’t bother him. Hoseok bended that rule: he wasn’t exactly interrupting Yoongi but he wasn’t staying away either. Most of the time he would sit quietly on the sofa, reminding Yoongi of the early days when both of them were so young but Hoseok looked at him like he hung the moon. Now, though, now Hoseok would sometimes come up to him from behind, draping his arms loosely around Yoongi’s shoulders and resting his chin on top of Yoongi’s head, causing his headphones to slide down slightly.
“How about a little break, hyung? The food’s getting cold.”
“In a moment.”
“Hyung.”
He was starting to have a weird response to Hobi calling him hyung. Yoongi was never particularly strict with honorifics, not like Seokjin was; yet with the way Hoseok dropped them seemingly at random and then used them again when there wasn’t even anyone around to hear let Yoongi strangely affected. He supposed it was a good tactic to keep his attention, even if Hobi hasn’t been doing it on purpose.
There were more kisses now, too. It seemed after getting away with it once, Hoseok decided to make a habit of kissing Yoongi whenever opportunity presented itself. He would kiss Yoongi's shoulder in passing right before leaving the room; next time it would be on top of Yoongi’s head while he was bend down over his notebook. He always acted like it was nothing unusual, like it was something they’ve been doing for years along with holding hands and clapping each other on the back. Sometimes it almost looked like Hoseok was not even aware of doing it.
“What's going on between you two lately?” Seokjin asked the other day after witnessing Hoseok giving Yoongi a smacking kiss on the cheek right before leaving for the dance studio.
“Hobi's testing my patience, as usual,” Yoongi murmured, feigning indifference. He didn't even look up from his phone.
“Well he’s very persistent about it,” Seokjin said.
“And I'm a very patient man.”
Seokjin snorted.
Truthfully, no matter how often he done it, every time Hoseok leaned in Yoongi’s heart gave a little stutter. He wasn't sure how he felt about this new development or about the others noticing that something's changed. In any case he was once again very glad for his poker face.
*
Yoongi slapped the space bar and sighed harshly, rubbing his face with his hands. It was way past midnight and he was stuck.
“You’ve been doing it a lot lately. What is it exactly that you think is wrong?”
Yoongi startled; he somehow forgotten Hoseok was there. “Something doesn’t feel right here.”
Hoseok chuckled. “Oh I heard this one before.”
It occurred to Yoongi then how similar this was to that night...when? A month ago? Two? His mind wasn’t working properly. He shook his head, trying to clear it.
“Yoongi,” Hoseok called softly.
Yoongi turned in his chair. Hoseok was sitting lowly on the sofa, legs spread wide. He was looking at Yoongi with dark eyes, gaze unreadable. He looked almost inviting.
“Yoongi,” Hoseok repeated, this time definitely ignoring honorifics on purpose. “Come here,” he breathed.
Yoongi found himself standing up almost without thinking, coming over as if in a daze. Hoseok extended a hand, catching Yoongi’s and tangling their fingers together, pulling him closer until Yoongi was standing between his spread knees. Then he let go, using both hands to hold Yoongi by the hips. His touch was gentle, like he was afraid Yoongi would move away. Hoseok rested his forehead on Yoongi’s navel, inhaling deeply. Yoongi buried his fingers in Hobi’s hair, feeling strangely like Hoseok was the one who needed to be comforted. His hands were shaking slightly.
“Hoseokkie,” he whispered, not trusting his voice.
Suddenly Hoseok straightened up. He looked at Yoongi with something like determination then leaned back, tugging at Yoongi with hands still on his hips. Yoongi went easily, climbing so that he was sitting on top of him with knees on either side of Hoseok’s thighs, hands holding onto his shoulders.
Hoseok released a shuddering breath, gripping Yoongi’s hips almost painfully before slowly moving his hands up his back, settling at his waist. He was staring at Yoongi’s chest, not looking up. Yoongi wanted to tell him to look at him but he couldn’t find his voice. His heart was beating wildly and he had trouble breathing properly.
Hoseok leaned forward and pressed his mouth to the left side of Yoongi’s chest, rested his head there for a moment before audibly swallowing and finally looking up. Something hot shot straight through Yoongi’s core, making him lose his breath. Hobi was looking at him with fear in his eyes and so much naked emotion that was impossible to interpret for anything other than what it was.
“Seokah,” Yoongi croaked, cupping his face and swiping his cheekbones with shaking fingers. Hobi leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. Yoongi moved forward, capturing his lips between his own, swallowing a silent gasp. He poured himself in the kiss, using it as a way to tell Hobi everything that he couldn’t with his words. Though it was their first kiss (a proper one, at least) it felt like they’ve done it a hundred times before, in that there wasn’t any awkward fumbling, lips moving together, perfectly in sync with each other. When Yoongi deepened the kiss Hobi responded instantly, opening his mouth wider and letting his own tongue explore. His hands moved up Yoongi’s back, pulling him even closer. He was trembling all over, kissing Yoongi with so much feeling that Yoongi himself wanted to scream with how much emotion he was experiencing at the moment. There wasn’t any going back from this.
Eventually after what felt like hours they pulled back, foreheads still touching, both breathing heavily.
“I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you since forever but I never had the courage to say it,” Hoseok whispered, opening his eyes and looking at Yoongi intently. “That night when we were working on that track, when I kissed you — it was an accident. I’ve been so exhausted I didn’t even think — I just kissed you. I thought you were gonna freak out.”
“I thought you didn’t remember doing it,” Yoongi swallowed. He felt like he was going to cry. This man right here, his best friend, his Seok-Seok, was confessing his feelings to Yoongi, who till a couple of months ago was not even aware of having those feelings himself.
“I did. I’ve been trying to gather your reaction ever since but you’re kinda hard to read sometimes,” Hoseok said. Yoongi was glad to hear some of his usual humor back in his voice.
He straightened up slightly, still keeping his hands around Hoseok’s neck. Looked him in the eyes.
“Well now you know, Seok,” He swallowed, smiling slightly.
“I think I need to hear it. Just this once.”
Yoongi leaned forward again, moving so that he was speaking directly in Hobi’s ear, lips brushing the skin there. “I love you too, Seokah. Like, ridiculously so. It’s been driving me nuts.”
Hoseok exhaled shakily, turning his head and kissing Yoongi softly. “No more reservations,” he mumbled against his lips.
“No more reservations,” Yoongi agreed, returning the kiss and losing himself in it.
After all, he could have this every night now. Or any other time of day.