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john’s not sure how long it’s been. frankly, he’s not sure when it even began, whether there had been a concrete starting event he could pinpoint or the four of them had naturally transitioned from a group of friends in a band to fucking on the weekends and going on dates. (no one said they were dates. they were absolutely dates.)
one thing john knows is that it took him a bit too long to realize where this was going- however, from the looks of it, he was still ahead of his friends. (lovers?) it’s precisely how john ended up at brian’s door on a sunday morning with pastries and coffee, nervously bouncing on his heels. he hasn’t exactly given brian much warning- none, to be exact- but he knows brian is a morning person and prays to whatever heavenly being might be out there that he’s awake.
a very sleepy looking brian answers the door a minute later. he perks up visibly at the coffee, but there’s a curious, nervous twist to his lips. “hello, deaky.”
“hi,” john squeaks eloquently. “i, uh… can i come in?”
“of course,” brian answers, opening the door wider and stepping aside. john shuffles inside quickly, finding a spot to set down the food and drink on brian’s little kitchen table. he’s been in brian’s flat hundreds of times, he’s positive. just the other night he was on the couch in brian’s little living room, straddling brian’s thighs as they made out, hot and heavy.
now’s not the best time to think about that.
deaky knows this flat. what he doesn’t know is how to make this extremely nerve wrecking conversation less nerve wrecking.
“can we talk?” john asks suddenly, immediately cringing at how forward he’s being.
“sure,” brian answers. he takes a seat at the kitchen table and gestures at the chair beside him. john doesn’t quite move. “should i be nervous?”
“no,” john says, and from the pained expression on brian’s face he can tell he sounds about as sure as he feels. with a shake of his head, john sits down and pushes one of the coffees toward brian. “i, uh… i wanted to talk about...” john freezes a moment, choking out a nervous laugh. he feels brian’s hand cover his where they’re sat fidgeting on the table, and jumps a little, but frantically grasps brian’s hand in his before he can pull away. “i have no idea what i’m doing.”
“it’s alright,” brian assures him. john gives him a weary little smile. “you know you can tell me anything, yeah?”
“i know,” john answers. he takes a deep breath. “i just don’t want to screw things up, is all, but i…” he cuts himself off suddenly as another wave of nerves hits.
“john, it’s-”
“i think i’m falling in love with you,” john blurts out. he falls quiet for a long, terrifying moment before the dam breaks. “it’s just, the last few… weeks, months, they’ve been incredible, with all of you. and i was never sure how you all felt, but i… it’s meant something to me, it’s meant a lot to me. and if you don’t feel that way we can forget about it, but i wanted to tell you-”
brian’s lips are on his before john can ramble into next week, and he sighs into the kiss, tension bleeding out. when brian pulls away, he’s smiling affectionately. john’s heart swells. “relax,” he murmurs. “it’s the same for me. about you.”
distantly, john thinks it’s hilarious that they’re going about a serious conversation like this like a pair of schoolgirls, but he’s far too warm and relieved to make a dry comment about it. instead, he squeezes brian’s hand and whispers, “i want to be yours,” voice suddenly very small and shy. brian is still smiling at him when he reaches over to cup john’s jaw in the palm of his hand, which john leans into, sighing contentedly.
“and freddie and rog?”
john laughs under his breath. “i haven’t quite sorted that out yet,” he admits. “though i don’t think they have either.”
“you’re probably right,” brian snorts. his eyes follow john as he turns his head and kisses the palm of brian’s hand. “they are a part of this, though, aren’t they?”
john nods, momentarily making a face before adding, “at least, i’d like them to be.”
“in time,” brian agrees. he can’t help leaning forward and kissing john again just to watch the relieved look of bliss spread across john’s face all over again. “and you can be mine, so long as i can be yours.”
without a word, john leaps out of his chair and into brian’s lap, grasping his face with both hands and pulling him into a long, searing kiss. all remaining worry and nerves melts out of him as brian’s hands smooth down his back and settle on his hips.
the coffee goes cold.
~
he speaks to roger next.
it’s a week or so after he asks brian out. that week or so is equally a relief and a thrill- he spends the night at brian’s several times, and more than once gets thoroughly fucked while he’s there. the first night, brian sucks him off on the couch, then fucks him into the mattress. it’s incredible- but something’s missing.
someone. two someones, to be exact.
so when he ends up on freddie and roger’s couch with a drowsy roger taylor half in his lap, he doesn’t exactly complain about it. freddie’s already retired for the evening, leaving the two alone listening to a beatles record- quiet enough so it doesn’t disturb freddie, loud enough that they can still hum along and not get lost in the verses. his attention is centered on roger, and he wants to speak, but he doesn’t want to interrupt the moment.
it’s rare to get a peaceful moment with roger. at his worst he’s a torrent of chaotic energy that can’t decide which direction to go, at his best he’s a constant hum of possibility and excitement. he really only settles down when he’s properly exhausted, and it’s not the best time to ask him an important question, but john’s not exactly sure when he’ll get another moment alone with him.
so, he nudges his head lightly against roger’s in an attempt to catch his attention. “i have to tell you something.”
roger hums. john nudges him again, and this time, roger sits up properly, leaning his cheek against the back of the couch and looking john in the eyes. roger taylor has always looked unfairly beautiful in every light, every room, every single time john’s laid eyes on him. this is no exception, not with those wide, sincere eyes, or the way the light catches his messy golden hair. a wave of nerves crashes over him almost instantly.
“i asked brian to be my boyfriend last week,” he says.
“oh.” roger’s eyes widen a fraction, but his lips peek upward in a small, encouraging smile. he looks… disappointed. john’s heart swells.
“there’s more,” john assures him. he doesn’t miss the tiny sigh roger lets out. “i… okay. i really like brian, but i really like you too. and freddie. but i have no idea what we’re doing, or what it means to either of you.”
roger considers this for a moment. “i like you,” he decides.
“really? i had no idea.”
roger slaps his shoulder playfully, a giggle bubbling over his lips. “you know what i mean, you prick.” he pauses, his hand lingering on john’s shoulder, then traces over his jaw with the pads of his fingers. “i think… i don’t think i’d want to do this with anything else,” he muses. “i like you three a lot. and i think… i’d like to keep you all to myself.”
john lets out a sharp breath, leaning his forehead against roger’s as a smile blooms across his lips. “i’d like that, too,” he says.
roger kisses john hard, and before he can process the situation he’s on his back, with a dazzling blonde straddling his hips and pinning him down by his wrists. “i’d like to show you how much i like you.”
john can’t help but turn his head into the cushion and laugh. “wanker,” he says affectionately.
“you’re not complaining.”
“not yet.” roger kisses him before he can mouth off again, and truthfully, that’s alright with john.
~
it takes the longest to talk to freddie.
roger invites him over on a saturday night, which isn’t out of the ordinary enough for john to accept. he wonders if freddie will be out again. he wonders why it’s been weeks since they’ve talked.
he gets his answer when roger pulls him into the shared apartment with a determined look, mumbling something about, ‘stubborn bastard.’ a door clicks shut somewhere.
“hey,” john greets softly.
roger’s pissed expression morphs into something soft, and he smiles a little, offering john a peck on the corner of his mouth. “hey.”
“is fred-”
“in his room,” roger answers. a bit of the angry edge returns, but roger points vehemently at freddie’s bedroom door before he can comment on it. “will you talk to him?”
john makes a face. “does he want to talk to me?”
“deaky, you know he does.” john shrugs. “look, i don’t know why he’s being so stubborn, but you know he loves you.” the words spark something in john’s chest, and he can’t help but think that’s very contrary to how he’s been acting lately.
without a word, john crosses the apartment and hovers outside freddie’s door. he turns back to roger, who gives him a very enthusiastic smile and thumbs up as he settles onto the couch. john takes a deep breath, and knocks on the door.
for a moment, there’s no answer. john starts to rock back and forth on his heels nervously, staring at the faint patterns in the woodwork of the door. he’s jolted from his thoughts with a soft, “come in,” and after a long moment, he opens the door.
and he freezes. he can see freddie sitting on the edge of his bed, not quite looking at him. he can’t quite read his expression in the dim light, but his posture is… defeated. john shuffles forward just enough to shut the door behind him.
“are you mad at me?”
the look freddie gives him is heartbreaking. “no, dear, i couldn’t possibly be.”
“you’ve been avoiding me,” he says timidly.
freddie’s mouth snaps shut, and he bows his head in resignation. “i’m sorry,” he whispers. john can only stare. “it’s not… you haven’t done a thing to deserve it, i just…” he goes silent.
john steps forward, stopping at the edge of bed beside freddie. “please tell me.”
“i don’t want to fuck this up,” freddie says quickly. the rest rushes out so fast john can barely keep up. “i've realized how important you- all of you, really, the three of you- are to me, and… i was terrified. i didn’t know what to do about it, or how… how one goes about a relationship like this- for the longest time i didn’t think any of my feelings were mutual, and now…”
without thinking, john climbs into freddie’s lap, straddling his legs and wrapping his arms tightly around him. “i’m scared, too,” he whispers into freddie’s neck. slowly, he feels freddie relax in his grasp, feels freddie’s arms wrap tightly around his waist. “but please, don’t shut me out like that. i thought… i thought i’d already fucked it up, that you didn’t want…”
“i’m so sorry,” freddie whispers, pressing a kiss to john’s temple. “you know i love you, john.”
immediately john’s head snaps up, and he meets freddie’s wide eyes with his own. “do you mean that?”
freddie swallows hard. “with all my heart.”
john kisses him, and it’s as if a physical weight has been lifted off the entire room. freddie returns the gesture with fervor, pulling john backwards onto the bed with him until they’re situated comfortably. “i love you, too, you prick. never do that to me again.”
freddie laughs as he pulls john into another kiss. (and another.) “i’ll do my best.”