Chapter Text
Ms. Emma Swan
Room 5
Granny’s B&B
Storybrooke, ME
Dear Ms. Swan:
You don’t know me, but you ruined my life.
I’m one of the nameless, faceless people who populate this town and all the towns around this realm and every other. You don’t see us, but we see you, because you’re one of the people who Matter – you, your family and your boyfriends. You are the people who stand up to be counted, who fight for what’s right, and save the day. Or not.
I’m the person who fills your coffee cup, who wears the same cheesy outfit as Ruby, but doesn’t get the wolf whistles, who stood in the corner scared when the Wicked Witch threatened everyone in the diner. I don’t know why I was afraid -- the Witch would never have seen me, even though I was in plain sight.
So how did you ruin the life of someone who is just an onlooker? You took away my hope. You brought a woman back from the past and took my hope for the future.
No, I didn’t have a crush on her husband/widower. It was more complex and yet simpler than that. My hope for myself was rooted in Regina’s changing personality.
In the Enchanted Forest, I was a tavern wench, with no expectation of ever being anything else. When the first curse came, I was still a tavern wench but incarnated as a waitress at The Rabbit Hole. I still acted the way I always had, which wasn’t very reputably, because there seemed no point in changing.
Then the curse broke and I began to notice things around me. The conversations that took place, events in the town. I began to see people changing. Mostly our Mayor. She saved the town time after time and no one seemed to notice, but I did. And it made me think things could change for me. I quit The Rabbit Hole and went to Granny’s. I heard your mother talk about hope (she does that a lot). Over time, other people began to see the Mayor change and then she found, it seemed, love.
I’d run across the Mayor and her beau in various corners of town and the diner canoodling and making eyes at one another or simply holding hands.
That’s when I began to hope for the really big thing – a love of my own. Because surely, if someone who had led a life as evil as Regina could find love, then maybe I could, too. I hadn’t been evil, but I certainly wasn’t good either. When I was young I thought about finding love, but as time passed I realized that men only saw me when they were drunk or wanted something. Of course, I was hanging out in taverns and bars, so that probably had a bit to do with it. But if a man like the Mayor’s boyfriend could see good and promise in her, then surely there was someone out there for me after all. I just had to be good enough to deserve it. Like Regina.
And then you showed up with the woman from the past. Regina’s world crashed and it was written all over her face. This wasn’t some simple bump in the path to true love – there was no way out of the situation without someone getting terribly hurt emotionally, or just outright dying.
When I climbed alone into my bed that night I cried and cried over the hopelessness. Eventually I realized that the tears weren’t for her, but for me. If there was no hope for Regina, who had come so far and sacrificed so much to be a better person, then what hope was there for me?
I know you didn’t mean to cause such pain, but I thought you should know that actions have consequences that ripple out far further than the immediate impact point. I’m not trying to be hurtful, but I’m reminded of an award one of the entertainment magazines gives out – “Stupidest Action by a Character Smart Enough to Know Better.” I mean, really! What if an escape attempt had been planned and her rescuers searched so long for her that they got captured or even killed? Or a guard executed because she’d escaped? Or someone else chosen for execution in her stead? The ‘ors’ go on and on. But no, for you saving one life meant more than the possibility of many other lives changed (or ended) forever. And no thought at all for lives like mine.
Since you’re the Savior, you’re probably going to try to find me and ‘fix’ things, or worse, try to get me to see Dr. Hopper. Don’t bother. I’ve already quit Granny’s and you won’t remember my face well enough to find me here in town. It’s best that way because then maybe you’ll realize that I’m not alone. Sure, I’m the one who wrote the letter, but my story is duplicated over and over again. It wasn’t just my hope that you took away – it was the hope of every woman like me.
I know you can’t undo what you did, but maybe you’ll think things through more carefully in the future. And maybe you’ll start paying attention to ramifications for even the faceless, nameless people like me.
I’m moving on now. I’d like to think that Regina will be happy, but I’m not sure I want to know, just in case it doesn’t work out. I think it's better not to know for sure, so that maybe, just maybe, I can learn to hope again.
It helped me to write this. I hope it helped you, too.
Sincerely,
Seeking Hope