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The day stretched by unbearably long for Yoongi. Every second was multiplied tenfold, exaggerated by the constant humming underneath his skin and the spastic beat of his heart. He wanted it to be over.
Sometimes he woke up anxious for no reason - today was one of those days. But it was worse than usual; this time, his body was basically vibrating with tremors and his stomach felt constantly two seconds away from being shown where the world could see it. What's worse, though, is that it lasted for hour upon hour until he felt so bad that he was just about ready to call it quits and go home. Sitting in his studio curled up on his couch wasn't getting him anywhere.
But then a meeting was called. Of all times, it had to be now?
Yoongi swore that time always just wanted to fuck him over.
It was around noon now and all seven members had been called into the meeting room with a few managers, something about discussing slight schedule changes, nothing that was too drastic or important. But to Yoongi, it couldn't have been worse. The shortness of his breath and the panicked feeling in his chest wasn't going away and he didn't know just how he was supposed to sit through an hour-long meeting in his state. He didn't know how he was supposed to be able to keep up with the conversation, remember details, and answer questions.
He was going to make himself look like an idiot, someone who couldn't handle a little bit of nerves. The thought of that just made everything worse.
Before the meeting started up officially, Namjoon, who was next to him, touched his shoulder gently. Yoongi's whole body startled at the contact, attracting more than a few stares from both his brothers and the managers. Looking a bit concerned and a lot guilty, the younger man leaned in and whispered, "Hyung, do you need to leave?" Of course, the others knew of his issues and offered help in any way they could. He knew that they would be able to get him out of the meeting with no judgement. But what would the managers think? How would they view him if he made up an excuse that he was sick, weak, or anything related to the topic?
He had to sit it out. It would only be an hour long, he could handle it.
So he shook his head no and stared contentedly at the desk in front of him, gripping the sides of his plastic chair to hide the tremors. He could hear Namjoon whispering to Seokjin and could feel a few gazes on him, which didn't help in the slightest. Before he could say anything about it, though, the last manager walked into the room and shut the door behind him, signifying the start of the meeting.
They all stood and bowed customarily, Namjoon steadying him as if he could tell his hyung was about to fall over. Soon enough they were back in their seats, but Yoongi felt like everything was still moving. The pressure in his head felt like it was going to explode and his stomach churned as if he were on a ridiculously bumpy car ride. And, damn it, why couldn't he get a grip on his breathing? Everything was so wrong all at once and he wanted nothing more to leave and find somewhere where there were no people saying things he couldn't quite hear over the blood rushing in his ears.
The unwanted adrenaline in his system surged suddenly and Yoongi felt himself grip at the seat of his chair with both hands, white-knuckling the plastic rim. His whole body was overtaken by tremors; he shook his leg frantically to try and rid of the feeling. Nausea licked at his stomach and he prayed that he wouldn't be sick right there on the floor. Yoongi was dizzy now, but he bit the inside of his lip and commanded himself to sit up straighter and ignore it.
Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it. You're fine, calm down, calm down.
One of the managers suddenly stopped halfway through what he was saying and looked at him. "Yoongi-ssi, are you alright?
His head snapped up at the sound of his name, his entire body going rigid. Yoongi gripped at his seat harder and gave a tight smile. "Ah, of course manager-nim."
The manager gave him a quick smile in return and turned back to the rest of them, continuing his previous speech.
Yoongi was positive that he was about to vomit now. The confrontation made his heart jump into his throat, and thankfully not anything more than that. His head swam and his esophogus tightened until he felt like he was wheezing for air, but he was thankfully remaining mostly silent. He didn't know how long he sat there, trying to breathe and swallow the nausea down while the others spoke around him. Yoongi nodded and agreed when the time was right on autopilot, but inside he was a whirlwind of panic, unable to feel anything else. But then the meeting was over and he was bowing again and the managers had left, all of it a blur because the only things he could feel were the anxiety and the urge to vomit.
He was out of his seat in seconds, again on autopilot, seeing and registering nothing. Yoongi half-jogged down the hall, took a right, and stumbled into the public bathroom.
Finally, finally, he was alone. He could let himself break down. Stumbling over to the sink, he gripped at the countertop with two wildly shaking hands. He couldn't breathe and his breath was coming now in short, jagged pants.
He couldn't breathe, he couldn't breathe!
A choked cry escaped his mouth as Yoongi sunk to the floor, lightheaded and overwhelmed with nausea. He knocked his head against the cabinets in front of him one, two, three times, each one getting harder. He needed something, anything to make it stop. But then there was something soft between his forehead and the fake plastic-coated cabinet - Seokjin's hand. Another hand was on his back, rubbing up and down soothingly.
Gripping at his hair in desperation and fear, he curled tighter into a ball and tried to speak.
"H-Hy..." It was barely audible against his wheezing breath and soft cries in between, but Jin could tell he couldn't speak. It only make the younger man panic more.
He pitched forward with a dry sob caught in his throat, breathing harder and faster until black spots danced in his vision. Hands were on him, holding him up, but now they were burning his skin. Yoongi pushed them away blindly and they obeyed, staying at a distance. Tears were streaming freely down his face now, and oh God, he felt like he was going to die. Dizziness was a constant as his pulse raced and his stomach churned. He couldn't breathe!
Yoongi felt his stomach contract against his hand and he leaned forwards, a dry heave grating hard at his throat. The hands were on him again, but this time he let them lead him up and move him until he was kneeling in front of one of the toilets inside a stall, barely registering the water as he stared into it. Jin's hands ran up and down his spine slowly and gently, coaxing him to relax.
But there was no way he could relax. Yoongi was hyperventilating still, feeling his stomach in his lungs as he choked on sobs. He pitched forward with a deep gag, coughing and spitting up nothing but saliva, which dropped down into the water below him. Yoongi choked on another dry heave so hard that his throat clicked, reaching back blindly until he was gripping Jin's hand. He was so terrified.
The next heave was finally productive. His stomach contracted and a trickle of sour vomit rushed from his mouth and dripped into the water below; it was clear that he hadn't eaten all day. Still breathing hard, Yoongi lunged forward to vomit again, spine arching underneath Jin's hand. This brought up more stomach acid and bile, painting the inside of the porcelain with sick splatters. Saliva stringed from his mouth as he panted over the water, finished for the time being.
The hand that Yoongi didn't have in a death grip Jin used to wipe his face with a wad of toilet paper, cleaning up around his mouth and dabbing the tears from his cheeks. Yoongi could barely hear words being spoken to him over the rushing of blood over his ears. Panic still engulfed him and he drew his knees up to his chest, hyperventilating. But he was slightly more present than before, the pain of vomiting bringing him back to the present.
Slowly, very slowly, his tears tapered off and the burning underneath his skin dulled down to a slight buzz. Yoongi was sure he had broken something in Jin's hand and forced himself to let go of it, bringing his trembling hand up to hold his head instead. Seokjin sat on his haunches next to the younger man, rubbing along his spine and speaking softly.
"Are you back with me, Yoongi-ah?" he asked softly, feeling him start to move underneath his touch. Yoongi nodded slowly, leaning his head back onto the cubical wall and breathing deeply. His hyung ran his long fingers through his fringe, touching him so gently that Yoongi was nothing more than putty underneath his hands. "Oh, darling," he cooed. "That one was bad, wasn't it?" Jin slipped an arm over his shoulders, rubbing his arm soothingly.
"'M sorry," Yoongi breathed, head lolling and arms wrapping around his aching stomach. He was absolutely exhausted.
"Don't be sorry, baby. You're okay now." Jin continued his ministrations for a few minutes, letting his dongsaeng catch his breath before he spoke again. "Let's get you cleaned up, hmm?"
Yoongi usually didn't like to be babied, but this was the one exception. He needed to be handled with care in his fragile state of mind. So he let Jin flush his mess down the toilet, help him up, and carry his weight over to the sink where he let the water run cold. His hyung passed him an open water bottle, aiding his shaking hands to put the rim to his lips. Of course Seokjin had thought to bring a water bottle. He took a few sips before lowering it, still not trusting his stomach, and let Jin cap it and set it aside.
"You're sweating, Yoongs. Let's get you out of that hoodie."
Seokjin maneuvered his sweatshirt around his head and pulled it off for him, draping it over the countertop and immediately returning to give his dongsaeng more physical affection. Yoongi hummed in relief as he massaged the nape of his neck and the base of his shoulders that had been aching from holding hours of tension. After a few minutes, the singer slipped his arms around the younger's waist, hugging him from behind and gaining full-body contact. Jin kissed Yoongi's cheek from over his shoulder, disregarding how sweaty he was and how he still smelled like puke, holding his slightly shaking form tighter than before.
"Come on," Jin murmured, removing his arms from around Yoongi's waist and guiding his dongsaeng's hands to the sink. "Wash your face, it'll make you feel better." The rapper complied, leaning over and cupping cold water from the sink in his hands to splash on his face. His hyung was right; the water cooled his flushed face and washed the sweat and left-over vomit away, leaving him feeling much better and less gross than before. Not at 100%, but much better.
Jin ran his fingers through his hair as Yoongi dried his face with a towel, leaning against the sink when he had finished. The older man kissed him gently on the forehead, looping an arm around his shoulders and enveloping him in a hug. He felt himself melt into Seokjin's embrace, head resting on his hyung's broad shoulders. He was glad that he didn't need to explain anything to him. Jin knew and accepted and let him remain silent until he felt okay enough to speak up; Yoongi couldn't been more grateful for that.
After a minute, Seokjin spoke up. "Are you ready to go now?" Hesitantly, Yoongi nodded into his shoulder. He was still shaky, but most of the panic had been replaced with pure exhaustion. All he wanted was to go home and sleep. "Okay, sweetheart."
Jin led him out of the bathroom, arm still around Yoongi's shoulders to carry most of his weight. Head down, Yoongi followed blindly along until they reached the door of the conference room, which Seokjin opened and guided him inside. Immediately, all of the hushed conversation died off and five pairs of eyes were on him. He would have been a lot more self-conscious and embarrassed if he weren't almost dead on his feet. He must have been a sight - eyes red and puffy, trembling slightly, visibly sweaty, arms wrapped loosely around his stomach, hunched over and leaning on his hyung for support. He didn't care though; all he saw were his brothers around him.
Hoseok was the first to get up, moving towards him and holding out his hands. "Oh, my hyung," he exclaimed softly, gathering Yoongi up in his arms. He returned the embrace, sighing quietly as Hoseok reached up to pet his hair. "My hyung's been through such a hard time, hmm?" Hobi was always the best with verbal reassurance, sweetly and calming giving him credit for how bad he was feeling. If there was anyone he didn't have to pretend around, it was his oldest dongsaeng.
Jimin came up to him next, wrapping his short arms around his waist and peppering his jawline with gentle kisses. His expression was full of pain, feeling the pain of his hyung in every aspect. He hated when Yoongi got like this and knew Yoongi hated it too, so he whispered soft reassurances in his ear in between small pecks along his face.
Taehyung was next, nearly jumping on him despite Seokjin's scolding. He hung on to Yoongi's neck koala-style, burying his face in his hyung's neck. "Hyungie," he whined holding him tightly as if he would slip away from him if he didn't. The rapper hugged him back, hands exploring along his back. "I'm okay, Tae." The younger simply nuzzled in further, breathing in his scent.
Namjoon approached him after Tae released him, slowly pulling Yoongi into a hug, hands rubbing small circles into his back. "I'm sorry, Yoongi hyung," he murmured. He knew that Namjoon felt bad every time this happened, hating that his hyung had to experience such intense bouts of panic. "'S okay, Joonie. I'm okay."
Jeongguk was on him next, rushing up to him and holding his hyung tightly to his chest. Yoongi felt absolutely tiny in his arms despite the fact that he was much older. "Woah, Gguk," he mumbled, stepping back to keep his balance. The maknae didn't respond, simply craning his head down and pushing it onto Yoongi's shoulder. It was only times like these that Jeongguk showed how young he really was. Like a child, nothing hurt worse than seeing those he loved hurt. "I'm alright," the older man reassured. The youngest continued to cling onto his hyung; he wouldn't be leaving his side for the rest of the day, most likely.
Jin ran a hand up Jeongguk's back, signifying for him to step back. Reluctantly, he released his hyung, instead holding his hand. Seokjin stepped up to Yoongi, running a hand through his hair. "Let's all get back to the dorm, hmm?"
Everyone made a noise of agreement, Yoongi simply nodding tiredly. He let Jin guide him out of the door as the maknae held his hand. All of his brothers surrounded him, protected him from anything that could possibly happen on the short journey back to the van. The last of the anxiety finally drained from his chest as he looked around at all of them. He was safe now, safe in the loving care of his brothers.