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Dipper and Mabel’s second summer in Gravity Falls was going great, so far. They were catching up with old friends, exploring the woods, fighting wizards, all sorts of fun stuff. Unfortunately the day-to-day fun didn’t make the nights any easier. Ever since Weirdmageddon (and honestly even before that, but Weirdmageddon had definitely made things worse) the kids had been dealing with nightmares more frequently. The young twins were there for one another, of course, and now that they were sharing the attic again it was easier than ever to keep an ear out for when the other awoke with a gasp or started crying in their sleep. It was easier to just slide out of bed, shuffle across the room, and give their sibling a great big hug until they went back to sleep.
Of course, the young twins were also really really heavy sleepers. And sometimes after a nightmare Mabel didn’t want to wake her brother up. Sometimes because she knew he’d had an exhausting day and other times because he was snoring so loudly it seemed like an impossible task. On those occasions, she would sneak down to the kitchen, intending to make herself a warm cup of cocoa with a mountain of whipped cream, marshmallows, and sprinkles.
Except it seemed her quest for comfort chocolate always had an unexpected partner: Ford. Sometimes she ran into him in the hall and other times he saw the kitchen light on and came in to join her. The old researcher would help her boil some water and reminded her that she really shouldn’t use too many sugary toppings if she wanted to get back to sleep.
The first couple of times, Mabel figured it was a coincidence that she and her Grunkle both couldn’t sleep that night. The third time she thought she was lucky. The fourth time, Mabel realized something might be wrong.
“Dipper, I don’t think Grunkle Ford is sleeping!” She confided in her brother one day, “Every time I can’t sleep and go down to the kitchen for a drink, he’s already up!”
Her brother nodded. “Yeah, he’s already up whenever I can’t sleep too. I think whenever he has a nightmare he waits to see if anyone else will wake up, and if nobody does he just starts his hike early.”
Most any morning when Ford wasn’t in charge of making breakfast he went on a sunrise hike. He usually got back just in time to start eating with everyone else. Mabel had never stopped to wonder just how early the old researcher was getting up for these excursions.
“It can’t just be whenever he has a nightmare!” Mabel reasoned. “If he’s been up every time I couldn’t sleep and every time you couldn’t sleep, he’s gotta be up like, almost every night!”
Dipper grimaced. “Yeah… I think he is having nightmares every night.”
Mabel’s eyes widened. “We’ve gotta do something to help him!”
“Like what?”
“I dunno, there’s gotta be some magic that keeps bad dreams away, right? And I know there’s special medication that can stop you from dreaming.”
“Mabel, don’t you think if any of that kinda stuff would work, Ford would have used it by now?”
“Yeah…” she agreed, “...but I still think we should at least talk to him about it.”
“Well…” Dipper hemmed and hawed. Ford was exceptionally bad at talking about his personal problems. But at the same time, the boy wanted nothing more than to help his uncle, mentor, and friend. And they couldn’t do that if they didn’t have a good idea of what exactly Ford was going through. “Ok. I have an idea.”
Stanford bit back a cry as he jolted awake. He threw off his covers; they were smothering him in heat. Then he just laid there on his bed for a few seconds, curled up in a ball, waiting for his heartbeat to return back to normal. He didn’t dare close his eyes for fear of the scenes of destruction replaying on his eyelids.
Well, this was pretty routine by now. The logical part of his brain once again told him he really should go back to sleep, and once again his fear and instincts won out. He couldn’t be sure it was all just a dream, that it was all over, until he checked to see for himself
Stanley had told him that if he ever had nightmares, he should go talk to his brother about it. But if Ford did that every time he had a nightmare, he’d be waking his brother up to talk every night, and then neither of them would get any sleep! So he tried to limit it to one night per week, and he’d met his limit already. He’d go to the kitchen and make himself a cup of coffee. Maybe he’d be joined by Mabel or Dipper tonight? Heck, he’d even run into Soos on a couple of occasions when the handyman said he needed a late-night snack run. If not, he would clean up after himself and then start his morning trek to the top of the nearest cliffs.
As was typical, he spent the night alone. As he wandered through the house, reassuring himself that all was well, Ford’s logical side tried to talk him into going back to bed again. He knew that’s what Stan would tell him to do, if his brother knew he was up. But Ford just couldn’t shake that cold shiver down his spine whenever he thought of falling back asleep and returning to his nightmares. He just needed to clear his head, and watching the sun rise from the cliffs always helped.
He was about to pull on his headlamp and coat when he heard a pair of footsteps trying but not really succeeding to sneak down the stairs. His heart rate spiked again. Intruders! But no, he reminded himself, it was probably just the kids. Although what they were both doing up before 4am was a mystery to him. Even when they had nightmares, neither one had ever come down this close to sunrise, and he’d never seen them both of them leave their room in the middle of the night together.
The children met him at the bottom of the stairs. “Hey Grunkle Ford,” Mabel whispered. He didn’t see why she bothered. The only other people asleep in the house now were Soos and Stan. Soos’s new bedroom was a floor below them in Ford’s former secret study and was completely soundproof. And Stan could probably sleep through a second apocalypse. “We wanted to come with you on your morning hike.”
“Oh…” Ford wasn’t quite sure how else to respond. He didn’t have the heart to tell them no, they’d already gotten dressed and everything. He wanted to ask them ‘Are you sure?’ but they wouldn’t have gotten up this early if they weren’t. “Why?” He finally asked.
“We… want to spend more quality time with you?” Dipper said evasively. The younger twins shared a significant glance. So they were definitely up to something. Ford weighed his options. If he said no, they’d likely just follow him anyway, and then he wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on them in case anything went wrong. He could just forgo this morning’s hike but… after the nightmare he’d had, he really needed to see the sunrise this morning. So his best option was to let the kids tag along and he’d deal with whatever they were planning when they came to it. Whatever it was, he was sure they meant well.
“Alright, grab a coat though.” The old researcher advised, “It’s cold before the sun comes up.”
Hiking through the woods just as the inky darkness of night was fading into the dim twilight before sunrise was an adventure the kids hadn’t been on before. The magical lights of fairies and glowy mushrooms and Gremloblin eyes shone just enough light to reveal their surroundings. Mabel gasped at the beautiful scene, and Dipper had to admit it was very pretty. But he was still glad they had their headlamps. They hadn’t been out for long when the boy caught sight of a tiny brown mouse wearing a hat and vest.
“Whoa, did you guys see that?”
“Ah, yes, a dew-mouse.” Ford explained. “They collect morning dew and sell it to witches and the like to use in potions. Very knowledgeable about where to find the most magical spots in the valley. Don’t speak to them if you can help it.”
“Why, are they dangerous?” Dipper asked.
“Are they mean?” Mabel chimed in.
“Oh, they’re harmless enough and friendly as can be,” Their Grunkle assured them, “but they’ll talk your ear off for hours on end, and their voices are incredibly annoying.”
As much as Ford normally enjoyed his morning hikes, it was even better with his niblings. He loved being able to share the strange paranormal things you could only see in the hour or so before sunrise, loved seeing the kids’ reactions to them. He loved being able to answer their questions. This was the kind of stuff Ford lived for.
By the time they reached the foot of the cliffs it was getting light enough to see without the need for the headlamps, but the sunrise hadn’t properly started yet. That was a relief. While Ford had made this climb enough times that he could do it in the dark (and had on several occasions) he really prefered that it be light enough to see while the kids climbed.
There was enough of a trail up the cliffside here that you didn’t really have to rock-climb, but you did have to watch your step. The narrow switchbacks were quite steep. Ford decided to let the kids go first so he could catch anyone who might slip.
They made it up to the top without incident, and just in time to witness the sun coming up over the cliffs on the opposite side of the valley. Ford sat on the rim of the crater, his legs dangling over the edge. Dipper and Mabel sat down on either side of him, and he put an arm around each of them, hugging them tightly, like he was afraid they’d slip out of his grasp and fall over the edge. The three of them sat there, watching the first sun rays bathe the town below in light. The morning mist began to melt away, and it seemed like you could see every detail in the valley below.
The serene silence, however, couldn’t last. The kids had come here for a reason. They had a question to ask their Grunkle, and they figured here, away from any distractions, excuses, or prying eyes, was the best place to ask it.
“Great Uncle Ford, have… have you been sleeping?” Dipper finally stammered out, “Like, at all?”
Mabel facepalmed. Her bro was not the best at putting things delicately.
Ford heaved a resigned sigh. “Did Stanley put you two up to this?”
“We haven’t even talked to Stan about this yet.” Mabel answered, “We’re just worried about you.”
The old researcher’s annoyance gave way to fondness, and he managed a weak smile. “I suppose that’s only natural. To answer your question, I do try to get some sleep. I get about three to four hours.” That was a generous estimate. That was what he got on a good night.
“But that’s barely even half of what you’re supposed to get every night!” Dipper cried.
“I know.” Ford said sheepishly. He’d never really been good at getting a full-night’s sleep, and all the crazy situations he’d gotten himself into over the years certainly didn’t help.
“You’re in luck, Grunkle Ford!” Mabel cheered him, “We’re here to help! We’ll find some way to keep your nightmares at bay together! So, to start off, what kind of nightmares do you usually have?”
Ford didn’t even know where to begin to answer that question. There were so many different horrific scenes he re-lived, so many what-ifs his mind made up. So instead, he answered a different question.
“Have I ever told you why I like to come up here and watch the sunrise?”
Mabel looked like she was about to complain that he was dodging the question, but Dipper silenced her with a glare. They needed to let Ford finish.
“When I come up here, and I see the sun break over the mountains, when I see the whole world around me light up, it reminds me that life goes on. That things aren’t as bad as they seem to be in the dark. That I--” His voice broke off, unable to finish as his eyes misted over.
The kids waited a solid minute, and still Ford didn’t continue. Mabel decided to prompt him forward a bit. “That you… are home?”
“That you lived to see it?” Dipper asked.
“...That I didn’t ruin everything.” Ford finally admitted. “That, despite all I’ve done, the world didn’t end and I didn’t lose all the people I loved but didn’t appreciate.”
Mabel and Dipper contemplated his answer. So even after all this time, even after all they’d done to try and convince Ford he couldn’t blame himself for everything that had happened because of Bill, he still felt immense guilt. Both because he had trusted Bill, and because he hadn’ t trusted his friends and family. But what did that have to do with his nightmares?
“So… do you think you’re having these nightmares because you don’t deserve a happy ending?” Mabel wondered.
“Not exactly…” Ford rubbed the back of his neck. “Even if I don’t deserve it, the rest of the world doesn’t deserve to suffer for my mistakes. It’s more like sometimes it seems too good to be true. And the last time I trusted something too good to be true… well….”
The kids nodded. He didn’t have to say anything, they all knew the exact triangular jerk he was talking about.
“But when you see the sunrise, you realize we’re the real deal?” Dipper asked hopefully.
The old researcher scooped them both up in another hug. “Thankfully, yes. At least until the next nightmare throws it into doubt again.”
Mabel squeezed him back. “Grunkle Ford, when I first came home last fall, I felt a lot like you do. It didn’t make my nightmares any worse, but it did make it really hard for me to care about school. So I started talking to the guidance counselor, and he gave me some really great advice. It’s good to feel bad about the things we’ve done wrong, but only up to a point. Feeling bad is what makes us want to change and be better, but if it goes on to the point that we feel like we don’t deserve to be happy, that’s when it becomes a problem. That’s when it can get in the way of being better people. I don’t know if it’ll make your nightmares go away completely, but maybe if you start to forgive yourself you won’t have so many of them. And maybe you’ll feel better about going back to sleep afterwards too.”
“I don’t see how anyone could forgive me, much less myself.”
“We’ve forgiven you!” Dipper assured his Grunkle, “And I know Stan has! And McGucket!”
“Yeah!” Mabel agreed, “You trust all of us, right? Do you trust us enough to believe we're right?”
Ford gave them yet another squeeze. “I do trust you. I don’t think it’ll be as easy as that to change my way of thinking, but you give me the hope to at least keep trying.”
“Speaking of trying,” Dipper chimed in, “What kind things have you been trying to keep your nightmares at bay so far?”
The old researcher scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “Well, this dimension’s medicine is so primitive, I wouldn’t trust it… and I’m hesitant to try any magic related to dreams and nightmares if I don’t know how it works…” And if he didn’t feel like he deserved the relief they might provide, he probably didn’t need to say that.
“We can help you study them!” Dipper assured his Grunkle. “We’ll make sure they’re safe, and then we can all use them to deal with our nightmare problems.”
Ford’s smile grew. “Thank you both, for everything.” Not for the first time he thought he didn’t deserve them. But, for the first time he
did
think maybe that was ok.