Archive of Our Own ^beta

Ted's face dragged along the inside of his hand as he felt his will to live slipping away.

It was raining harder than it had in weeks, and Ted had no money for a cabbie home. The wind whipped outside, rattling the windows of the glitzy hotel, and though they would never break except in the event of a freak accident, it was still disconcerting. On top of all that, some Hollywood blowhard was throwing a party at the Tip Top Club on the top floor of the hotel, which meant endless elevator operation 13 stories up and down whenever someone came in or wanted a bloody macaroon up there. If you asked Ted, he thought it was bad luck to have a 13th floor, but nobody asked Ted, and nobody ever would.

Just when he thought today couldn't get any worse, she had to walk in. She looked like a complete and sincere diva, and though Ted had extensive experience dealing with those (he lived and worked in Hollywood, after all), he did not much feel like dealing with one today .

Just as he was heading over to dust a brass owl statue off while the blonde made up her mind, a man dropped his hat on top of Ted's head, thinking him a hat stand. "IDIOT!" Ted hissed, and felt a strong hand grip him by the neck, spinning him around. The man sneered, squeezing tighter.

"What did you call me?" Ted laughed nervously, holding the man's wrists. Then, the man's face cleared. "What's your name, sweetheart?"

"T-Ted?" Ted answered, put off by the man's probing eyes.

"Leave him alone, Sigfried," a woman who looked like his girlfriend muttered, breezing by, but 'Sigfried' caught her by the arm, pulling her back.

"Look at his eyes, Angela."

"I'm looking," she replied boredly, "They're eyes."

"They're so... captivating. Hypnotic!" He checked Ted's nametag, then licked his lips. "Say, Theodore. You busy tonight?"

"Ohohoho, sir," Ted smiled, this being the one time he was actually glad of this fact, "You have no idea."

"Blow it all off, I want you in our bed."

"Sigfried," Angela groaned, "The tabloids are gonna write all about it, just like last time."

"Last time?"

"You won't tell, will you, honey?" Sigfried looked down to Ted's lips, and Ted squeaked, looking around. Angela took her boyfriend by the arm, and pried his hands off Ted's staunch blue and gold lapels, dusting him off, and lead him away from the poor bellhop and toward the elevator, smiling apologetically his way... with a wink.

Teddy leaned against the brass owl, wishing he could drop.

Meet Theodore the bellhop. Always stuck with problems-- plural-- that aren't his, poor Teddy's a pushover when it comes to the guests he serves and the boss who leaves him alone to care for the beacon of Hollywood's elite, every night. The Hollywood Tower Hotel, amidst the glitz and the glitter of a bustling young movie town, is a star in its own right. But Teddy has no time for stars. As we have just witnessed, this is Teddy's worst day yet on the job-- but our young friend the bellhop has yet to see it go from bad to worse. Tonight, he's going to take an elevator ride, which will deliver him directly to... the Twilight Zone.

"Welcome to the Hollywood Tower Hotel," Ted beamed behind the counter, adjusting his cap.

"I want a room," the blonde sighed.

"I would certainly suppose so, madam," Ted grinned, gesturing to her bags. She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Was that supposed to be--"

"Will that be cash or card, madam?"

She scoffed, fluffing her set of blonde curls. "Card, of course." She flashed her stacked wallet, diamond bracelet jingling on her elegant wrist, and looked him up and down. "Do you know who I am?"

"I do not, madam, but I'm positive I'll know by the end of tonight!"

She huffed. "Excuse me?! Did you just hit on me?!"

Ted's blood ran cold. "I most certainly was not!" He most certainly was not.

"You weren't?" Now she looked offended.

"I..." Ted grimaced, and buried his head back in the book. "Your room will be ready in a jiffy, madam!"

As Teddy backed away, he collected her things, then ran right into--

"Watch where you're going, mister!"

"He was gonna step on us."

"I'm telling dad!"

Ted glanced down, confused, at the two children he had around his legs. "What the..."

"Sarah! Juancho! Get over here right now!"

Ted followed the sharp voice, and looked up to see a man with a moustache enter the hotel with a pretty wife on his arm.

"Yes, daddy."

They both ran back over, and whispered something to him. Ted tried to look busy, but he felt, once again, a pair of hands on him, turning him around.

"You... bellhop. What's your name?" The man looked down, and tore the nametag off. "Ted."

"At your service," Ted tried to smile shakily. The wife gave a snotty scoff.

"I'm going to ask you something... and think about your answer very carefully. Did you try to step... on my children?" the man growled, only inches away from Ted's face.

"Wha-- no ! Of bloody course not, I'm not a madman!" Teddy whined, shaking the man off and straightening his jacket. "Sir." The man nodded in satisfaction, and beckoned his family along.

"We have a room on the 12th floor, and we're going to the party."

"Yeah! The party," Sarah smiled, and Ted looked between the two. The man stared sternly down at his daughter.

"We've talked about this, senorita. You and your brother will stay in the room. Ted here can watch you."

"Pardon me?" Ted coughed.

"Yes, $500 I'll give you." He turned to his kids. "And whatever you do... don't misbehave."

Just then, the blonde tapped the bell at the desk. "Hello? The room key, Ted?"

Ted dug around his pocket, and she plucked it from his fingers. "I don't have all night, and I need to get upstairs to my room to fix my face before the party."

"Is there something wrong with your face?" Teddy asked helplessly.

"I don't know, Ted. IS THERE?" she gritted out, and he felt faint. Quickly turning around, he was assaulted by the drop of four bags in his arms.

"Nononono, all that I'm saying is, Gone with the Wind was great, but the Wizard of Oz is revolutionary."

"It's just a bunch of beat brunos looking for handouts from some old crumb in a cape."

"E-excuse me..." Ted began to interrupt. 

"But Emerald City, man, think about what it represents! Y'know, when my next movie comes out, there's definitely gonna be some Baumian influence there."

Ted struggled as an entourage of three guys accumulated at the elevator, rapidly chatting. "Pardon me, sir--"

"Nah nah, but it doesn't even come close to that cat Humphrey Bogart!"

"Yeah, well, frankly Leo, I don't give a damn, alright." Giddy laughter erupted. These men were already tipsy, and as they continued to debate films, Ted lost it.

"GENTLEMEN!"

The three looked over, as if just noticing Ted, and the one fast-talker tucked two hundred dollar bills into his breast pocket.

"Heya, uh, Ted, take us to the Tip Top, will ya, alright?"

Ted balked, feeling the money, and he saw there was an autograph on them.

"Chester? Ah. It's your party, sir."

"That it is, my man. That it is."

Blonde woman cleared her throat. Gangster dad gave Ted a glare, and the couple... well, they were too busy making out to notice the elevator doors weren't open.

As Ted struggled with everybody's baggage, they all got in. Chester's two friends didn't get in.

"A little crowded. We'll meet you at the top on the next one, Ches."

"Alright, alright," Chester waved, loosening his tie and laughing to himself drunkenly, "Fuckin Humphrey Bogart, man..."

"Oh," the wife of the gangster said, scowling, "I forgot my bag by the couches. I'll get the next one too, darling."

"Yes," her husband nodded, and they kissed passionately, before she got out. He then looked at Ted expectantly. "You'd better be as good with elevators as you are with my luggage, Ted. My children are precious to me."

The two little shits grinned smugly up at Ted, knowing their dad would do absolutely ANYTHING for them, and the bellhop resisted the urge to scowl at them. Instead, he put on a saccharine smile.

"Of course, sir. No need to worry sir-- I operate this maintenance service elevator more times a day and night than you can count! In fact, most nights, it seems that's all I do."

He sighed, dropping the chipper act, and turned the crank, closing the door. The wife blew a kiss to her husband, and the elevator began to go up.

Eight people stepped through the doors of an elevator and into a nightmare. It's an elevator that will take them beyond the fifth dimension...

Thunder rattled the lift as it boomed outside, and Angela looked up from her husband. "Did you say something, Sigfried?"

"No. Oh, Ted! So you're joining us after all?" Ted avoided eye contact, and just kept turning the crank.

"Lousy rain," the blonde, whose name was Miss Elspeth, complained, "It ruined my hair. Didn't it Teddy?"

"I don't think so?"

"Are you disagreeing with me?"

"NO!"

"Then you think it looks bad," she snapped accusatorily, and Chester started giggling.

"Hey, you guys know what Cristal tastes like?"

Just then, there was another boom of thunder, and it sounded closer... louder.

"Are we almost up?" Sarah asked nervously, rubbing her little arms.

"Yeah. I'm hungry," Juancho said.

"We'll be there in just a minute," the dad said, "Won't we, Ted?" He raised an eyebrow at Ted, and set his watch. Ted laughed, pulling at his collar.

"In the blink of an eye, little ones."

He turned the crank a little faster.

Floor 7... 8...9... 10...

"Hey, anyone seen my latest movie?" Chester spoke up.

"I was in it," Elspeth snapped.

"Oh yeah. I fired you for doing weird, witchy stuff on set, didn't I?" Chester nodded.

"Witch?" the dad frowned, turning, and Elspeth crossed her arms.

"Tabloid lies!"

"Daddy, I wanna get out," Sarah whimpered.

"Soon, my petal."

"This is a shitty elevator," Chester muttered. "Hey Ted, buddy cat, can't you hurry this thing up? I want my fucking Cristal up there, alright."

"Not but a moment, sir," Ted replied nervously. The elevator never took this long.

"Ohhh," Angela remarked, "Did you hear that?"

"What?" Sigfried asked.

"That... noise."

"Ted, what's wrong with the elevator?" Elspeth demanded.

"Yeah!"

"Yeah, Ted!"

"What's you do to it?!"

Teddy blew up.

"IT IS NOT MY BLOODY ELEVATOR, YOU BUZZARDS! DO I LOOK LIKE AN ENGINEER?! NOT EVERYTHING IS MY BLOODY PROBLEM! WE'LL BE TO THE CLUB IN A SECOND, AND WHEN WE GET THERE, I QUIT!"

Just then, the lights flickered, and the elevator shook.

Floor 12... Floor 13.

The lights pitched out, and everyone gasped. Teddy grabbed the bar in alarm, but it was too late-- the thunder boomed, loudest of all, and a strange glow illuminated the elevator car, crackling and buzzing with electricity. Darkness once again took them, and before any of them could scream, the lift went plummeting, each floor dinging until a great smash echoed through the whole hotel.

-----

Ted woke up, dusting himself off. He couldn't believe he was still alive after that fall... it was from all the way at the top, after all.

"What... happened?" Angela asked.

"She made the car fall," Juancho pointed at Elspeth, "She IS a witch!"

"I told you, I'm not--"

"What the fuck?!" Chester blurted.

"Did somebody say fuck?" Sigfried resurfaced under the rubble, "That sounds like a great idea."

Ted looked over to see the children waking up, and clutching onto their dad. The dad looked furious, stomping over to grab Ted by the collar again. Ted grimaced, waiting, but when the man tried it, his hands went right through him.

"What..."

Ted frowned, then began to panic, then began to hyperventilate. "No. No, no, no, and most of all-- no! This CANNOT be happening. Not tonight. NOT with... all YOU people!"

"Hey, what's wrong with us, man?" Chester muttered, checking his head for blood.

The problem was, none of them had blood on them... because evidently as it appeared, they were ghosts.

"The elevator fall," Elspeth worked out, "It... killed us?!"

Ted took off his hat, threw a little tantrum, and knocked his fists against the wall of the boiler room.

"WHY ME?!"

That is a question neither we nor Ted will ever find the answer to. Poor Theodore is doomed to operate this old maintenance service elevator for Hollywood cronies, nymphomaniacs, a psychotic family, and a diva who all blame him for the accident on the dark side of Hollywood, forever. Those who wish to ride this elevator should do so with caution, for these eight people are ready to kill each other again for lack of better company, and could use some more company... in the Twilight Zone.